JENNIE
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I feel like I barely close my eyes before I'm blinking into the bright morning sun shining through the large bay window in my living room.
I groan, pulling the covers over my face until suddenly last night wakes me up with violent slap. I sit upright, my eyes scanning the room for signs that last night was real or if I simply just dreamt it up.
Disappointment seeps through me when I find myself staring at an empty couch, the blanket I laid across Lisa folded neatly where her head had been hours earlier.
Collapsing back down, I let out a slow exhale, the headache I was trying to fight off last night hitting me like a hammer.
I squeeze my forehead and close my eyes, willing the pain to stop shooting through my head. And that's when I hear it—the smooth, deep voice I thought maybe I had imagined.
"You're awake." I look up to see Lisa leaning in the doorway of my kitchen wearing the dress shirt she abandoned last night.
I have to bite my bottom lip in an effort to hide my body's reaction to her. God, how is it possible she's even hotter this morning?
"I thought you left or that I just dreamed you were here." I mutter the last part under my breath.
"And miss seeing you first thing in the morning? No way. Just woken up Jennie is my favorite." She shakes her head, an ornery grin playing on her lips.
"Cause that's something everyone wants to see," I moan, covering my face.
"I want to see everything that is Jennie Kim." When I open my eyes Lisa is standing over me, her eyes alive with mischief. "I've got six years to make up for, thought maybe we could start with breakfast."
My heart bursts into a million pieces right there on the spot.
"I don't think I have anything here," I admit. I've only been to the store once in the last few days and that was to get some things to make for Joan.
"I know." She chuckles. "Your cabinets are bare. And tell me, how does one person live on nothing but mustard and crackers?"
"Mustard and cracker sandwiches?" I ask slowly, biting back my smile.
"Unacceptable." She clicks her tongue against the roof of her mouth. "After inspecting your food stock, I was thinking... How do you feel about a drive?"
"That depends." I shrug indifferent, even though I feel like my insides are boiling over.
"How about Carl's?"
"The old diner off 71?" I raise an eyebrow at her.
"That's the one. Now get dressed, sleepy head, I need to eat." Her smile is so easy this morning that it's hard not to just go with it.
"Fine." I peel myself out of the loveseat, suddenly all too aware of how awful I probably look.
"My bag's at Chan's so I need to run over there really quick," she says, taking a long moment to look at me.
I feel small under her gaze. As much as I want her stay I also need her to leave, so I have time to pull my shit together.
"Okay, I'm gonna take a quick shower." I try for cool and nonchalant even though I feel anything but.
"Meet back here in say an hour?" she asks.
"Okay." One more excited smile that makes her look ten years younger and then she's heading toward the front door.
Taking off toward the bathroom, I freeze just inside the door when Lisa speaks again.
"And, Jen," she says, waiting until I meet her gaze to continue, "after breakfast, I don't plan to return you. So if you have plans, I suggest you cancel them now." A wink and she's gone, the door clicking shut behind her.
"I..." I stand there feeling like I need to object even though she's already gone. Then again, would I really object even if she hadn't just walked away without giving me a chance to?
Shaking my head, I try to ignore the swim of butterflies in my stomach at the thought of spending the whole day with Lisa.
Relax, Jen. We're just two friends, playing catch up. No need to get your panties in a twist.
I try to focus on Kai, on the life I have—the one Lisa hasn't been a part in years. I know it sounds horrible but when I think of Kai I don't get the same rush as I do when I think of Lisa.
I stare at myself in the mirror while the water heats. My cheeks are flushed and my eyes are bright. How is it possible to feel this good and this guilty all at the same time?
I step into the shower and try to let the hot water wash away the uneasy feeling that has formed in the pit of my stomach. I love Kai. He's who I want. Lisa is just my friend. The feelings I have for her are just a product of how everything between us was left unresolved.
At least that's what I try to convince myself of. Deep down I know that's not it at all, but decide I'll compartmentalize those feelings once she's gone and I can see clearly again.
"So why exactly are you kidnapping me for today?"
"Wouldn't you like to know?" She teases, her focus remaining on the road.
I'm sitting in the passenger seat of Lisa's car, trying to keep my crap together while she sits cool as a cucumber next to me. She's got one hand on the steering wheel, the other resting on the gearshift between us. Aviator sunglasses cover her eyes, and she's had this satisfied smirk on her face since she picked me up just a few minutes ago.
I swear when I opened my front door to find her standing there in faded jeans, a black v-neck tee, and denim jacket—looking like she just stepped out of a magazine—I almost lost my shit. I'm completely certain she noticed the visible tremor that ran through me as she snagged my hand and led me to the car.
I've been stealing quick glances in her direction since we left. I don't know what it is about this car, but it makes me feel like I want to do something reckless; like I don't know, pull her hair down out of that knot and run my fingers through the length while dry humping her.
Seriously, Jen, what are you—twelve?
Okay so I'll leave out the dry humping part. But god if I don't want to run my hands through her shiny, dark locks. I bet if she took her hair down it would fall to at least her shoulder, and the thought once again leaves me squirming in my seat next to her.
I'm such a sucker for the bad girl look, even though I know she's the furthest thing from one. She's not bad at all—just a cocky, sexy as sin girl who rocks the style really well.
And then there's the other side. The one I saw yesterday. With her suit and tie and reserved demeanor. I bet that's how she is at work. I can picture it so clearly. Her strutting into the office every day, her incredible body clad in a suit that makes the women in her building all giddish as she walks by.
I don't realize I'm smiling until Lisa elbows me gently, pulling me back to the present.
"Earth to Jennie," she teases. "What were you doing over there, imaging me naked?"
"What?" God I sound so guilty already, and I wasn't even imaging her naked. Shit, now I am.
Focus, Jen.
"I know you think everyone wants your hot bod, but I hate to break it to ya, kid—I grew immune to your charms a long time ago."
Lies. Lies. Lies.
I'm anything but immune to her.
"Hot bod, huh?"
"Of course that's what you'd take from all that." I laugh, shaking my head as I look up and realize we're getting ready to pull into Carl's. Damn that went by fast.
"You love me." She winks as she pulls her car into the gravel parking lot and slides into the first available spot.
The diner's not very busy. Considering it's out in the middle of nowhere it rarely is. Because it's right off the interstate, there are usually a few truck drivers and maybe a family or two who are just passing through and stop to grab a bite.
Pushing open the car door, I climb out and take a look at the place.
"I haven't been here since..."
"Since my mom took us to the amusement park in seventh grade and we stopped here to eat on the way home?" she rambles off, stepping up next to me.
"That's right." I give her a sideways glance, surprised just how detailed she remembers things.
"Come on." She grabs my hand and pulls me up to the front entrance.
I try to ignore the buzzing in my veins and focus on the fact that we are just friends. It's so hard when she makes me feel things I shouldn't feel just by doing something as normal as holding the door open, or guiding me inside with a hand to the small of my back.
We take a booth in the corner. The only other patrons are two truckers sitting toward the front entrance.
"God this feels weird," I say, pulling out a plastic menu from behind the napkin holder.
"Weird good or weird bad?" Lisa grabs a menu and lays it out on the table in front of her.
I think on that for a moment and finally settle on the truth.
"It's good."
And it is. Even if it reminds me of how easy things once were with us, which is so not the case anymore, it still feels good to be reconnecting with her on some level.
"Agreed." She smiles, turning her attention to the approaching waitress.
Once we've ordered our meals—eggs and bacon for both, with a plate of blueberry pancakes to share—the waitress hurries off, returning seconds later with two steaming cups of coffee.
Lisa takes an immediate drink, humming as the warm liquid slides down her throat. God, even the way she drinks coffee is sexy. Was it always like this? Did I always think every thing she did was sexy, or is that just the adult Lisa? The one with longer hair. The one twice the size than when she was a kid. The one whose dark eyes are burning holes into me as she watches me dump creamer in my coffee.
"Would you like some coffee with your sugar and cream?" she teases, pulling my gaze to her.
"Hush. I like sweet things," I say, taking a tentative drink of the hot liquid.
"Noted." She winks. "So Kai, tell me about him."
Well that was a complete one eighty. I'm honestly a little surprised it's something we haven't discussed up to this point. Other than the initial info that Kai had gone back to the city as had Brooke, we didn't really talk much more about it.
"What do you want to know?" I ask, settling back in my seat. I want to seem completely comfortable even though I feel anything but.
"Is it serious?"
"I mean, we've been together for two years so yeah, I guess it's pretty serious."
She thinks on that for longer than I like so I turn the tables on him.
"And Brooke?" I ask.
"Oh we're not serious. Just having some fun." Her comment surprises me.
"Then why bring her to the funeral?" I ask, not trying to hide my confusion.
"Because I didn't want to come by myself. Asked her if she minded tagging along to keep me company, and she agreed. Simple as that."
"O-k-a-y," I draw out. "I guess I get that."
"So tell me more; what does Kai do? Does he have any skeletons, like children or an ex-wife? Is he the man of your dreams? Is he good in bed?" I laugh in spite of myself.
I thought maybe I had sidetracked her enough that we would be off this topic of conversation.
"He's a sports writer for WTTO in Cleveland. No children or ex-wives that I've ever been made aware of. How he is in the bedroom is none of your business. And no, I wouldn't necessarily say he's the man of my dreams, but he's damn close," I say truthfully.
"So do you think you guys will get married?" She leans forward, elbows on the table.
"I don't know. I've never really thought that far ahead," I admit.
"Jen, you've been with this guy for two years and you've never thought of a future with him—is that what I'm hearing?" She's not putting off any vibes other than just being a curious friend, but something about the way she's looking at me makes my stomach knot in all kinds of ways.
"I mean, I'm not saying I don't want a future with him. I just... I don't know. I really can't talk about it with you. It feels weird."
"What's weird about it? We're best friends, remember?"
"Were. We were best friends, Lisa. You don't know anything about me anymore." I hate how that sounds, but it's the truth.
"Ouch." She holds her hand to her chest. "Tell it like it is why don't you, Jen."
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that. I just meant there's a lot we don't know about each other now."
"I know that. You think I'm naïve enough to believe I could just show back up here and everything would be as it used to be?" She shakes her head. "But I'm trying here, Jen. I really am. I want to know the woman you are now. I want to know your life—your ins and outs, goods and bads. I want it all. And I'm a selfish son of bitch because I don't deserve an ounce of it."
"Lisa." I reach across the table and rest my hand on hers. It's a gentle touch but one that pulls her gaze to our hands for several long seconds.
"I'm sorry, Jennie. I don't know if I've given you a proper apology yet, but here it is. I regret leaving the way I did, especially with your mom as sick as she was. I knew you needed me, and I left anyway. It's haunted me for years. But I felt like I pushed you too far with the back and forth, the ups and downs, and then the kiss." She pauses, and the tension between us is palpable. The air zings around us, and I'm hyper aware that this is the first time either of us has acknowledged that the kiss ever even happened.
"I felt like if I didn't leave when I did then I'd never get out."
For a long moment we just stare at each other, neither willing to look away. We share something in those few seconds, though, I'm not entirely sure either of us really understands exactly what.
"I understand a hundred percent." And I really do because if it weren't for my mom, I would have been on the next plane out of Ohio right behind her.
"You pushed me away when I started dating Jisoo." She finally speaks again. "And damn it if I didn't let you. I should have fought harder for you. You deserve someone who will never stop fighting for you, and I gave up in the first round."
"Hey." I stop her from saying more. "It's in the past. We both have regrets, and I'm as much to blame for the demise of our friendship as you are. What do you say we start fresh, huh? Leave the past in the past, at least the not so pretty parts."
"I like that plan." The glimmer in her eyes is back, and damn it if it doesn't make my heart beat faster.
"Now, back to this boyfriend."
I laugh and shake my head.
"You're relentless."
"I just want to make sure my number one girl is being taken care of." She gives me a playful grin, and it takes everything in me not to kick her under the table like I used to when she'd pick on me.
"I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself."
"I know you are, Jen. If there's anything I know about you it's that."
"Why don't you tell me more about you instead? How's your mom doing? I haven't seen her since she moved shortly after you left for New York.
"Way to change the subject," she teases. "Mom's good. She finally left Tom's ass. She's dating some orthopedic doctor now, swears they're moving to St. John when he retires next year."
"Sounds like she's really happy."
"She is." She smiles to herself. "It's nice knowing I don't have to worry about her."
"And Asa?" I ask about her sister, who in all the years I've known her I have only met once.
"Married some banker in California, popped out a few kids. I haven't seen her in years."
Lisa and Asa share the same father, and since said father had nothing to do with either one of them, much like my father, they really never shared much of a connection.
"Here ya go." Our waitress appears seemingly out of nowhere with a tray full of food. She sets each plate down in front of us and then returns moments later to refill our coffees.
We spend the rest of our meal talking more about our families. I tell Lisa about Mom's last few months. She tells me how her mom dumped Tom, which was a much less depressing subject than mine.
We discuss football. She makes sure to rub in how much better her Raiders are doing than my Browns. I don't take much offense when she tells me my favorite team is one of the worst in the league right now. I know it's true.
It's weird how easy we can turn it off, the intensity and unspoken feelings I'm starting to believe we both share. Sure, I still get tingles when she touches my hand when we reach for the napkins at the same time, or when she looks at me a certain way, but the more we talk, the more I feel like we're just Jennie and Lisa again.
In all my obsessing over my feelings for Lisa, I never realized how good it felt just to be her friend—to be a part of her life.
After about two hours of occupying the same booth, we finally exit the diner, our arms linked, my head laying on her shoulder as I laugh at her comment about checking out the waitress' ass. I feel capable of anything today, like when I'm with Lisa nothing can touch me.
"So,"—I wait until Lisa slides into the car next to me and fires the engine to life— "where to next?" I ask.
"You'll see." She smiles, tipping my chin with her fingers playfully.
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