5. Layers

After Winter underwent a full physical, Bruce and Carol showed him to a room with a bed, nightstand, and reading lamp. There was a door that led to a private bathroom and a window, which looked out over a large lake, its waters visible by the placement of lights on a path around it. It was already dark so he wasn't sure which direction it faced but Bruce must have sensed the question.

"It faces east, so you'll get the sunrise," he said kindly. "If it's too bright you can tell the AI to dim the windows and she'll make them opaque."

"AI?" asked Winter, feeling a little thrill at freely asking a question and not being punished for the act. "What is AI?"

"It's an artificial intelligence that runs many of the systems here in the building," explained Carol. "Its name is Friday, and you just ask it a question out loud by saying it's name first. Would you like to try it?"

"Friday, what time is it?" he asked, nervously wondering what would happen next.

"It is 11:40 pm, Winter," replied the pleasant-voiced system, sounding like a female. "Today is Tuesday, August 14, 2028."

His eyes lit up at the sound of the disembodied voice that called him by his new identity, seeming to further confirm that he was no longer Soldat or the Asset. Bruce left while Friday was responding, returning with a small tray of wrapped items, fruit and a bottle of water. It was a little unnerving to Winter as HYDRA scientists never served him food; that task was always left to a guard who often spat or worse into the food before placing it in front of him and giving him permission to eat.

"Your body requires more nutrients because you're an enhanced human," he said to Winter. "It's late and the food service in this building is closed right now but we keep snacks here. If you're hungry during the night just ask one of the nurses on duty for something. I have this nutrient bar specially made for Sergeant Barnes, it is high calorie and often taken in the field as a meal replacement. There is also some fruit, chocolate bars, and a bottle of water."

Examining the choices Winter picked up the nutrient bar and looked at it. Bruce nodded encouragingly so Winter unwrapped it, tasted it, then ate the rest of it quickly.

"That was good," he said, as he grabbed a banana next.

A slight smile crossed Banner's face. "I know he's a different identity for sure now, because Barnes hates those things. If you want another you can have one."

"It is better than what HYDRA gave me," offered Winter. "Barnes called it baby food and he disliked it."

"You have shared memories with Barnes?" asked Bruce, surprised at the sudden revelations coming from the man.

Winter stopped chewing, as if debating whether it was safe to answer. He looked at Bruce's face for a visual clue. Even though Bruce gave him what he thought was an encouraging smile it seemed that Winter didn't recognize it in that way, and he looked down, folding his hands in front of him, in a gesture of submission.

"I require sleep," he said, in a subdued voice.

Carol tapped Bruce on the shoulder. "Let's give Winter some privacy and perhaps tomorrow he'll feel up to a conversation," she said. "Goodnight Winter."

He nodded, waiting for them to leave, then Bruce stopped at the door to tell him he could ask Friday to turn off the lights when he was ready. Bruce closed the blinds on the door to give Winter privacy then closed it. As he and Carol stood chatting, they noticed the lights in the room went out, then turned on, then went out again. It was repeated several more times until they stayed off.

"Friday, monitor sleep function of the patient, Winter," said Bruce. "Advise if there are any nightmares or other sleep issues." He looked at Carol. "Bucky went through nightmares for some time and still has the occasional one. I'm guessing that the change in circumstances might affect Winter in the same way."

"It might take some time for him to trust us enough to talk," said Carol. "Are you staying?"

"No, we have two nurse practitioners who are on shift, but they can call me anytime," he said. "What about you? I can set you up in the room next to him. Or we can have Friday monitor him. That room can be sealed, and the doors and window are unbreakable. I don't think he'll be a problem, but we are talking about the Winter Soldier and even he might not have control over himself."

She looked at the room. "I'll go get some things and sleep in the other room. If he does have a problem, I'll be a familiar face and I can control him if he gets violent."

When Carol returned, the lights had been dimmed in the medical unit, Bruce had already left for his quarters and the two nurse practitioners on duty acknowledged her arrival. Closing the door to the room, she changed into sleepwear, then went into the private bathroom to wash up. After pulling out a sleep assist device to place on her head, she got into bed, and asked Friday to turn off the lights and make the window translucent. Three deep breaths later she was asleep.

When she heard the screams from the room next door the window was brighter, indicating the approaching dawn, but she paid it no attention as she transformed into her uniform and opened her door.

"Brain activity spiked," said Wendy, the one NP, standing outside Winter's door. "The display showed he was sleeping on the floor, then he screamed and began thrashing, so he must be having a nightmare. Bruce told us not to engage him but to let you do it. Friday has instituted safety protocols, so you'll have to ask to let you in."

"Friday, allow access to Carol Danvers," she said, waiting for the click of the door lock to sound.

She pushed it open and entered, hearing it click in the lock position behind her. The room was dimly lit as Friday had already raised the lights to a low setting. Winter wasn't on the bed, although the blanket and pillow were gone from it. Kneeling, she looked under the bed, but didn't see him, then saw some of the food wrappers and the empty water bottle on the floor in the corner. He must have slept there instead of on the bed and finished off what Bruce brought. She approached the closed bathroom door, knocking on it softly.

"Winter, it's Carol," she said. "Are you alright?" There was a whimper from inside. "I'm coming in but if you don't want me there just say no and I'll stop."

Hearing no response, she turned the handle on the door and slowly entered the utilitarian bathroom. Winter was in the shower, cowering under the blanket and clutching the pillow. Slowly, Carol kneeled before him, trying not to appear threatening, then sat on the floor facing him.

"Hey," she said gently. "Did you have a nightmare?" He shook his head but still looked paralyzed with fear. "Do you want to tell me about it?"

"He's alone, somewhere different," stammered the man. Making eye contact with Carol, he sobbed. "Barnes woke up for a while then he was gone. I don't feel him now, but I felt his fear then. It hurt, more than anything."

"What hurt?" She asked but Winter closed his eyes.

A shuddering breath went through him, and she offered him her hand then gently pulled him closer. At first, he resisted but she made soft noises to him until he rested his head on her shoulder and allowed her to rub his back. Quietly, calmly, she kept soothing him, until she heard the door to the outer room click open again and someone entered.

"Carol?" She heard Noelle's voice. "Is he alright?"

"In here," she called out, just loud enough for Noelle to hear, but not so loud that Winter would be frightened.

The bathroom door opened, and Noelle stepped in. Quickly assessing the situation, she sat on the floor with her and gently put her hand on Winter's right hand. At first, he attempted to withdraw it as if he had been burnt, but Noelle lightly held on, stroking it with her other hand.

"It's alright," she whispered. "You're safe here. No one will hurt you. We just want to help you."

He looked away briefly, then glanced at Noelle, once again feeling his body react to her presence, and slowly placed the pillow on his lap to hide it. His face took on a pink hue, even in the dim lights, and he seemed embarrassed that it was noticed.

"It's alright," said Noelle kindly, noticing his discomfort. "What happened?"

"I felt him as I slept," said Winter, hesitantly. "He woke up in a place that was nothing. At first, he thought he was awakening from the freezing as he couldn't see." Carol looked at Noelle who shook her head subtly. "No light, no sound, and he felt cold, but he finally saw himself. His clothes were white. Then he thought of you." He looked directly at Noelle. "You weren't there, and he couldn't feel you, here." His palm rubbed his chest as his eyes seemed to shift away from her and focus on something in the distance. His hand clenched into a fist, and he began pressing hard into his chest. "The pain here ... it was too much ... he's not awake anymore. We're alone."

"But you did feel him," she asked, her eyes boring into him.

Looking down, he nodded. "I'm sorry. The pain was so quick and sudden that it took me by surprise. I cried out." He started to get up, but still kept the pillow in front of him. "I am hungry."

Both women recognized that he was still processing the intensity of what he felt. Perhaps the request for food was his way to help him normalize what he was feeling.

"I'll see if the kitchen can make something for you," said Carol, leaving the couple there.

Noelle went back out to the bed area and waited for him to leave the bathroom. When he closed the door, and she heard the sound of him relieving himself she smiled. She turned towards the bathroom door when it was opened, seeing a surprised look on his face that she was still there. He held the pillow and blanket in front of him, then glanced at the corner of the room where he obviously slept, since the food wrappers were still there.

"Where is Winnie?" he asked suddenly, still standing in the doorway.

"She's fine," said Noelle, wondering if this was Winter making small talk. "Still sleeping in our apartment. Sam Wilson came immediately to sit with her until I return. I didn't want to leave here until I was certain you were okay."

"I am unharmed," replied Winter. "Before Barnes left this body, he handled moments like this. I am ... unused to the emotions it brought out in me."

"You were the logical part. Making sure you were prepared for the mission and also the part responsible for completing it. Is that accurate?"

A slight nod of his head, followed by him approaching the bed, had Noelle shifting so he could sit on it with her. There was a space between them, and he looked at the window for several moments before he spoke.

"Has the sun risen?"

"Let's find out," replied Noelle. "Friday, Winter would like to look outside to see the sunrise."

The opaque feature of the windows switched to transparent, and they both saw that the sun was close to rising. Standing up, Winter approached the window and gazed at it, taking in the first rays of the sun as it broke over the trees on the far side of the pond. The golden glow of the morning sun lit his face up, making him look so much like Bucky, as he often got up early to watch the sunrise, by himself. Without removing his eyes from the spectacle before him he spoke, in a voice that was meant just for her.

"I remembered you. From the first time, in the place full of music, where Barnes first saw you. He desired you physically but there was more ... feelings that I didn't understand. It was something deep inside, here." He pressed a closed fist into his chest. "That is where the pain came from when I felt Barnes. I didn't like the pain. It was not pleasant to me."

"It's a connection," said Noelle, trying to find the right words to describe it, feeling her eyes begin to water. "That night it was like we already knew each other and understood each other for a long time, even though we just met. It's why I know he isn't dead because I still feel it."

Several tears dropped off her cheek, landing on her hand. Winter noticed it, his eyes glancing at her hand. He touched the wet spot then tasted it.

"Salty," he commented, as if he didn't know what tears were. "He thinks he is dead. Why does Barnes not feel you?"

"Perhaps, he's in shock or overwhelmed," she said. "Wherever he is, it must feel different than here, and perhaps his own fears about dying are keeping him from feeling our connection. Do you feel a connection to me?"

His face became pink again, and he glanced at his lap. "Yes, but it's physical," he admitted, "as well as more of that which I don't understand."

She didn't react immediately to that, having suspected that he had been attempting to cover up his attraction to her.

"I think you're reacting to me the same way Bucky does. It would seem that parts of you both are always present in the other. It's nothing to be ashamed about but you know that I cannot act upon the physical part. I am married to Bucky."

"Yes," he whispered, as his body became very still. "Your connection is to Barnes, not the Asset."

Referring to himself as the Asset was unexpected and she wondered if she had upset him in some way. Then something occurred to her, and she turned towards him.

"May I ask you something?" Noelle waited for him to look at her before she continued. "Were you aware when Bucky and I were intimate with each other? You understand intimacy between lovers?"

"Yes." He looked away then down, his face a bright pink, while he fidgeted with his hands. "I was aware and tried to give you privacy, but it was often more than the Asset ... I could handle. When he was with you his whole being was consumed with pleasing you and being as close to you as possible."

A smile crossed her face as a memory of Bucky wanting to be close to her, described so succinctly by Winter, suddenly manifested in her mind.

Winnie had been in bed for an hour. Noelle still had some finishing touches to make on her Halloween costume, as the toddler was going out as the Disney heroine Merida, and she had taken it upon herself to make it. All through that hour Noelle had been aware of Bucky hovering, with a book in his hand that he wasn't really reading. He was waiting, knowing that the costume had to be ready by morning as Winnie wanted to wear it to play school and daycare. Occasionally, he approached his wife, kneeling down beside her and pressing his face into her neck, whispering how good she smelled or how soft her skin was. It was obvious how much he wanted her; almost laughable how transparent his small interruptions were, testing to see if she had reached the same level of arousal that he was already at and abandon the dress for him. Even more amusing was that Noelle wanted him just as much but had steeled herself to get this done so that she didn't have to get up early, after the expected hours of pleasure with Bucky that awaited her.

Carol entered, bearing a tray laden with different breakfast foods as she was unsure what Winter liked. Not that it really mattered since he had already indicated his preference for other things compared to Bucky. She placed it on the hospital table then pulled a chair over for Winter to sit.

"I'll come to see you later," said Noelle, taking it as her cue to leave.

"May I see Winnie?" he asked, before she left the room.

"I'm still considering it," she answered, then she was gone, and he suddenly felt more alone, even though Carol was with him.

Bruce was in the unit when Noelle left Winter's room and beckoned her over.

"How is he?" he asked. "I just looked at Friday's readings. Something spiked in his brain and set off a panic attack by the look of it."

"He sensed Bucky," said Noelle. "He's of the opinion that Bucky thinks he's dead and that he was consumed by grief at the thought of it. That feeling of grief was the spike that set Winter off. It was only a moment then the connection was gone but a lot was packed into that moment."

"I don't know what to say," said Bruce. "I'm a man of science, yet I watched a sorcerer stop time to perform neurosurgery on your husband. A personality who was created to be a ruthless killer was overwhelmed by a feeling of grief from the original host of his body. This is all so metaphysical that I feel like I am way out of my league."

"There's more," said Noelle. "I think Bucky and Winter's connection is deeper than we thought. He remembers the night Bucky and I met, and he admitted he has been aware during our more intimate moments. He has been aroused when he's in proximity to me."

Bruce's mouth opened then closed and he tilted his head slightly. "Do you want to be given leave so you're not around him?"

She smirked. "Believe me, that's normal for Bucky. Without sounding crass, the man can go at any time. I don't think Winter will act on it as he respects Bucky, and I think he misses him very much. I told him I would not act upon it myself."

Bruce's phone alerted him, and he pulled it out, seeing a text. "Shuri is on her way," he said. "Sounds like the news that Winter is a separate personality has caught her by surprise. She's bringing all of her files on Bucky's brain activity and some equipment to do her own examination on him. Do you think he'll allow it?"

"He knows who she is. Would you let him know so he can prepare for it? I'm going back to our quarters, but I'll be back for my shift."

"We'll figure it out, Noelle," said Bruce. "Dr. Strange will be returning soon as will Fury after all the examinations of Winter are complete. Tony is uploading all the footage from his suit, and Joaquin started accessing Friday's record of the mission. There's an answer in there, somewhere. We just have to find it. If you're staying on duty, I'm assigning Peter's care to you, as he's tried to leave his room twice. You know how to deal with stubborn patients. What is it with enhanced humans that they think they don't need time to heal?" Noelle raised her eyebrows at him. "The big guy doesn't let me get hurt so I don't count."

With a smile, she left him there and returned to her quarters, thanking Sam for being there. She told him what happened, including learning about Winter's attraction to her.

"Wow," said Sam. "So, he's been there in the background all along. Do you think Bucky was aware that Winter was still there?"

"I don't know," she replied. "I should ask, I guess. Bucky didn't like talking to me about his HYDRA years other than giving me the quick version of the Winter Soldier. I expected Winter to be a lot darker and more sinister, but he's not. In many ways he's an innocent. He knows about intimacy, but he doesn't understand the emotion behind it. When he became aroused in my presence, it seemed he had enough sense to feel embarrassed about it and try to hide it from my knowledge, even though it was obvious to me what he was doing."

"Well, maybe he's still getting his bearings. He's been in the background for many years since he last appeared." Sam stood up to return to his own place then stopped. "Just be careful. If he is that innocent, for lack of a better word, he won't know how to handle some of the darker emotions that can come up." Noelle frowned at him. "Jealousy, obsession, possessiveness, frustration, ... that sort of thing."

"Sam, I'm pretty sure he's not going to do anything that Bucky wouldn't approve of," she said.

He let out an audible breath. "Maybe, but there's a reason they brought his personality forward to assassinate people," said Sam. "He complied with their orders to kill and hurt people. Bucky didn't. If they were truly as connected as you're suggesting, he should have been less compliant."

Sam's face was set in a grim look that unnerved her. He was right. Winter was an innocent being in an many ways, but he was also immature, only seeing life through his connection with Bucky, who still suffered with PTSD, even though he was at heart a kind and loving man. While Sam returned to his quarters, Noelle got properly showered and dressed, then woke up Winnie. The little girl complained at first then became more cooperative when she was promised French toast for breakfast. She asked to break the eggs for the batter, even using her small fingers to pick out a piece of the shell without being prompted. While the bread cooked in the frying pan Winnie asked all sorts of questions of her mother.

"Are you walking me to school today?"

"Yes, I am."

"Can I wear my Snow-White dress?" Bucky, in one of his softer moments, which were common around Winnie, had bought her a Snow-White costume. "Then we can go see Papa Winter and see if he 'members it."

"You want to meet Winter?"

"Yes, how else will he 'member that he's Papa?" She looked at her mother intensely with her blue eyes.

"I don't know if that's a good idea, sweet pea," said Noelle. "He's not feeling right."

She flipped the bread over and pulled one of Winnie's plastic plates out of the cupboard.

"He won't feel good until he starts to 'member," argued her daughter. "I want to see him."

"Maybe after play school. I have to help Peter get better but if you're there to see Winter then I can't do my job and watch you as well."

"Peter got hurt?" Winnie looked upset as Noelle tried to downplay his injuries.

"He just needs rest," she said. "He'll probably get to leave soon, if he does as he's told."

She checked the French toast, satisfied it was cooked through and flipped it onto Winnie's Lion King plate. Placing some slices of banana on it, she poured some syrup on. She also gave Winnie a glass of milk and made sure she was sitting close to the counter of the breakfast bar while she ate. Noelle could have taken her to the communal kitchen but knew there would be a lot of questions about Bucky, and she just didn't feel up to talking about it yet, at least not to everyone else and not in front of her daughter. Perhaps once Shuri came and did her examination of Winter, she would know better whether to let the man meet Winnie. Until then, she was going to be cautious. Before Noelle left to escort Winnie to play school, Thor arrived at her quarters, waiting patiently for the door to open after being announced.

"Good morning," he said, in that genial way he had. "I will be relieving Carol Danvers today and thought it might help if the soldier wore regular clothing, so he feels more like a man and less like a patient. Perhaps wearing some of Buck's clothing might help him find his way back from where his spirit is."

"That's actually a really good idea," said Noelle. "Why don't I quickly get some things together while you wait?"

He sat on the couch, smiling at Winnie, as she coloured a flower on a piece of construction paper.

"What are you making, little one?" he asked kindly.

"A card for Papa," she said. "So that he 'members he's Papa." She added a sun in the corner of the page, drawing the sun beams outward from the orb. "Can you help me write his name?"

Gently, he wrapped his large hand around her small one, guiding her to write P A P A. She added two hearts that were lopsided but expressed her love for her father. Underneath the hearts she wrote W I N N I E, again with his help. Holding it up to him she looked into Thor's eyes.

"Is Winter nice?"

"Well, I haven't spent any time with him yet," explained Thor. "But Carol seems to think he is a good man."

"Is he worthy?"

"I think we'll find that out soon. He's still getting used to everything."

"I want to see him, but Mama said I have to wait," said Winnie. "You give him the card and tell him I want my Papa."

Noelle came out at that moment with a shoulder bag containing some of Bucky's clothes and underwear. Winnie showed her the card for her father, which brought a sad smile from Noelle, although she tried to show a positive face to her daughter.

"Why don't I take the bag and the card while you take the little one to play school?" asked Thor. Noelle handed the bag to him. "We will find Buck, I promise. Like you, I believe he is still with us, just caught somewhere in a different realm than Midgard. There are many realms other than the nine that Asgard was responsible for before its destruction. They all exist in the many branches of Yggdrasil, the great World Tree at the centre of the cosmos. Perhaps, he is on a newly formed branch, drawn there by the force that confronted us on the mission." He stopped, seeing that Noelle was struggling to stay strong. "My apologies, dear Lady Noelle. I will take my leave. Will you be present in the medical centre?"

"Yes, I'm looking after Peter today," she answered. "I'll see you later."

After he left she breathed deeply several times, trying to centre herself as Winnie watched with a concerned look on her face. Then with a smile that she tried not to force, Noelle offered her daughter her hand and escorted her to play school, determined not to fall apart in front of anyone.