Mahou Shoujo ni Akogarete is the creation and intellectual property of Ononaka Akihiro and Takeshobo.
Kimi no Koto ga Dai Dai Dai Dai Daisuki na Hyakunin no Kanojo is the creation and intellectual property of Nakamura Rikito, Nozawa Yukiko, and Shueisha.
Duck Tales is the creation and intellectual property of The Walt Disney Company.
Batman is the creation of Bob Kane and Bill Finger and the intellectual property of DC Comics.
Mahou Sensei Negima! is the creation and intellectual property of Akamatsu Ken and Kodansha.
Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon is the creation and intellectual property of Takeuchi Naoko and Kodansha.
Fate Stay Night is the creation and intellectual property of Nasu Kinoko and Type-Moon.
Boku no Hero Academia is the creation and intellectual property of Horikoshi Kohei and Shueisha.
Puella Magi Madoka Magica is the creation and intellectual property of Studio Shaft.
Ms. Marvel is the creation and intellectual property of Marvel Comics Group.
Scott Pilgrim is the creation and intellectual property of Brian Lee O'Malley.
What makes a hero?
What makes a villain?
Those questions have plagued the human race for millennia, and we collectively have not agreed on the answers yet. Religion, philosophy, science, arts, politics, all have tried to set the issue clear and failed to provide a consistent solution for all of us to accept.
One person's hero is another's villain, and viceversa. Morality is relative, except when it is not, and the absolutes will also often vary depending on who are you asking.
It seems to be generally agreed, however, that one's perceptions of heroism and villainy are forged from childhood, the age of innocence.
Innocent Emissary of Love Utena-chan.
Act One:
The Tug War of Love and Reason.
Hiiragi Utena looked out the window and saw Tres Magia again.
They once more flew through the pristine blue sky, blasting at a giant, red skinned masked monster, which had a long tail and bat wings. The city continued its habitual pace under them, apathetic citizens minding their own businesses, never once looking up.
The black haired girl smiled hazily and stared at the three courageous young beauties. They moved in quick circles around the monster, dodging its punches and shooting them with colorful bursts of Love and Honesty from their wands. Every so often, the monster would swing an arm close enough to the pink and white dressed Magia Magenta, and she would have to block with her staff, but Beauty was Never Tarnished and eventually, just like always, the minion of evil would be vanquished. Utena sighed dreamily, her creamy cheeks flushing...
Then a flying chunk of chalk hit her on the head.
"HIIRAGI! STOP DAYDREAMING AND PAY ATTENTION WHEN I'M FUCKING TALKING TO YOU!"
Utena whined to herself, rubbing her head as her ahoge shook. "I, I'm sorry, Powers-sensei!"
The teacher slammed a hand on her own face. She had brown hair pulled back into a ponytail and wore large round glasses. She would have been extremely attractive in her nice dark green suit, if only she weren't constantly raging and shouting. "I have no idea what are we gonna do with you, Hiiragi! What were you looking at this time?!"
Utena meekly pointed out the window and said, "It's, it's Tres Magia, Sensei, they are fighting a monster..."
"Is the monster someone you knew?" Powers-sensei huffed.
"Not that I know, Sensei."
"Is the monster being flung towards us as we speak?"
Utena looked out again. "Not yet, Sensei."
"Then stop looking and pay attention, damn it!" the woman waved a hand up.
"Yes, Powers-sensei."
"It's for your own good, fuck it!"
"I know, Powers-sensei."
The woman huffed and drooped slightly. The bell rang. "If you don't put more effort in your life," she wagged a finger at Utena while everyone else ran out the classroom laughing, "you'll end up working at the Mc Donald's, is that what you want for your future?"
"No, Powers-sensei," she said, standing up and picking her schoolbag.
The teacher paced around, her finger held high. "It's my fucking duty to inspire strong moral values in you little bitches, and that includes-"
Utena walked past her and out the door with her head held very low. "See you tomorrow, Powers-sensei," she said meekly.
The woman stood there, alone in the classroom.
"Why does life treat me this way? It's because I'm Canadian?"
Maybe I should do something, Utena thought as she walked down the street, hunchbacked ahead. Am I too much of a lesbian? Does such a thing as being too much of a lesbian exist? What if Mom is right and I'm reduced to a childless cat lady after my wife leaves me for a man who can actually give her children? I don't even like cats that much!
She stopped before a large billboard of All Might. See? This does nothing for me... she thought sadly, admiring the finely chiseled physique of the Top Hero up and down.
She kept on walking until she reached her favorite Midnight billboard, and she smiled goofily, admiring the curves of the X-Rated heroine, long black hair and black mask and tights, up and down. But this? This does the trick! Bueno... No! No! She shook her head. I'm indulging again...
Utena passed by the empty lot near the hillside and saw the red skinned monster crashed there, its upper half turned into a bloody paste and its legs sticking up.
"Ahhhh...!" she sighed.
As expected, Tres Magia were so powerful!
Utena did her part for the city, pulled her phone out, and called the public cleanup crew, reporting the location of the downed monster. Then she continued walking, questioning her role in life once more.
Oh, woe and angst is me! If only I could be a Magical Girl! Then I wouldn't have to worry about this. In anime, whenever a girl worries too much about this, it's foreshadowing for her becoming a Magical Girl too! That's it! If I keep on worrying, maybe the same will happen to me and I will meet my own mascot mentor. That's what happened to Sailor V, isn't it...?
Since she had been walking with her eyes closed and a dreamy smile on her face, she stumbled facefirst into someone, and was sent back, falling on her butt.
"Owwww!"
"Ow, ow! I'm sorry! So very sorry!" a voice said. "Are, are you okay? I wasn't seeing where I was going...!"
Utena opened her eyes and saw a little boy sitting on the sidewalk before her. He was around five years younger than the girl, and had dark red hair. He wore a dark green suit with a red tie and shiny black shoes. On his back he carried a long, old and bandaged wooden staff, heavily battered over the years.
The boy smiled and stood up, offering her a hand. "I just arrived to this city and I still don't know my way around! You aren't hurt, are you?"
"Um, no, I'm not..." Utena said softly, grabbing his hand and pulling herself up. "Th-Thank you, I am-"
Then she looked into his large, round brown eyes, and she was paralyzed.
So was he, his mouth hanging open.
A huge bolt of electricity had flown between them, from eye to eye, rattling them.
"Ahh..." he said.
"Aahhhhh...!" she agreed.
They stared at each other in a fascinated silence, and then both blushed brightly. "Um, uh, sorry, I've gotta... go!"
He nodded quickly and looked away, overtaken by embarrassment. "Y-Yes, of course, it's turning late, and a lady shouldn't be- Can I walk you home? Please?" he asked suddenly, with eagerness.
"N-No, thank you, please!" Utena said, highly mortified, and ran away.
The boy looked after her as she went away. "So beautiful..."
Utena took a detour, running up a side path, into the mountainside.
No! I shouldn't! she told herself. That, that isn't what I wanted! I'm a shotacon now, and being a shotacon is far worse than being a lesbian! Besides, what will the fandom of Gushing over Magical Girls think? They'll send heavy hate mail and bad reviews to the author! I must fight the heteronormative reactionary in me! There's nothing wrong with being a lesbian, as long as one is with moderation...
She reached the temple up the hill and began praying. There was nobody else anywhere in sight, and the sky was growing darker, the weather colder, a chilly breeze blowing from the forests. "Please, please, what should I do? I'm such a messed up person! I mean, a boy, really! That's so loathsome! I feel dirty from just recalling it..." She smiled lecherously, drooling from a corner of her mouth. "Dirty..."
Then an old man appeared before her, standing on the Saisen. He was very tall, with a shiny bald head, a long white beard, bushy eyebrows, and droopy earlobes. He wore a long white robe and had large white wings on his back. "I AM THE GOD OF LOOOOVE!" he proclaimed.
"KYAAAAAAAA!" Utena said, backing away in panic.
The old man stroke his beard. "Hmmm? Now why that reaction, young lady? Didn't you come here hoping for an answer of the gods?"
"No! No, I wasn't!" Utena hyperventilated, pointing at him. "I, I only wanted to vent out! Who are you!? Harasser! W-Weirdo! I'll call the police!"
The old man sighed. "The new generations have lost all sense of wonder! If I were a small talking animal offering you a chance to be a Magical Girl, you wouldn't be reacting like this!"
Utena blinked. "Eh? N-No, I wouldn't be... But everyone knows that magical mascots exist and gods don't!"
The God of Love sweatdropped. "Where do you think your universe came from?"
"Ononaka Akihiro!"
"Well, I say it's Nakamura and Nozawa!" He slammed a foot down furiously. "Now listen, impudent child. Despite the lewdness of your heart, you were seen fit to receive a blessing from above..."
"Lewdness?" She blushed and fidgeted. "But, but I only have normal thoughts fitting my age! I wasn't even like that one year ago, I, I blame puberty!"
"There may be something to that," he said. "You haven't ever had a boyfriend, have you?"
Utena shook her head shyly.
"That's because you hadn't ever met your fated soulmate," he told her. "The person you are tied to, through the red string of fate."
"You mean that I'm tied to Fate Testarossa-chan of Magical Lyrical Nano-"
"You know perfectly well what I'm talking about!"
Utena lowered her head in shame. "Sorry."
The God of Love muttered. "It's our own fault, I suppose. When we were sewing the tapestry of your heart, before your birth... a small mistake might have been commited by someone who was perfectly innocent of any intentional misdoing, after all, anyone can slip every once in a while..."
"Eh?"
"What I mean is that by that mistake, you weren't given a soulmate like everyone else on the planet, Hiiragi Utena-chan."
"That's bad!"
"You were given one hundred!"
"That's good! No, wait, that's bad! Wait, whaaaaaaat!?"
He held a finger up. Not the middle one. "You are to meet one hundred people who will fall in love with you, and you will fall in love with them."
"But, but I don't even like m-men, I can't fall in love with one hundred of them!"
"Nobody said they would be men."
Utena paused. "I'm listening," she said after a beat.
The old man pulled a book out of his robes and flipped through its pages. "One man and ninety nine women."
"C-Could it be that, that that man is a boy now? That is, at the time of this conversation?" Utena said.
The old man shrugged and began picking his nose. "I'm not saying it's impossible."
"I mean a really small and young boy," Utena made a sign with a hand, that of holding it way under her chin.
"It just means that you have a bit of disgusting shotacon in you, as well as being a lesbian," he told her, "but if it's sincere love, you should love him even after he grows into a man."
"N-Ninety nine girls..." Utena shuddered. A pause. "Are they Magical Girls?"
"WHY ARE YOU SO PICKY?!"
"I really like Magical Girls the best!" Utena protested, sobbing. "I fangirl, therefore I exist!"
Then another voice said from behind her, "If socializing with Magical Girls is the wish of your heart, I can help with that..."
Utena looked back over her shoulder, and saw a small cute black animal floating there. It had two tall pointy ears and two yellow glowing eyes with no pupils.
It waved a long arm, finished in a floppy cloth sleeve that showed no hands, to Utena. "How are you doing. My name is Venalita, and I want you contracting with my agency so you become a Magical Girl."
"Bweh?" Utena said.
"Oh, come on! You were just thinking about how it was your lifelong dream just minutes ago, Hiiragi Utena!"
"Why does everyone know my name today!?"
The God of Love pulled one of his sleeves up and looked at his wristwatch. "Well, my job here is done for the day. Go wherever you judge best for your life from now on, Hiiragi Utena. Got to stay neutral!"
"At least give me a hint whether I should obey this person or not!" Utena whined, pointing at the small animal, but the God of Love had vanished in thin air. Utena puffed her cheeks up and looked again at the mascot, fully facing it. "This is all going too fast! Why are you like this, you cannot expect me to-"
"Take this," it threw a small gold star at her, from one of those long sleeves. "It's your transformation trinket."
"You, you haven't listened to a single word of what I've said, have you!?"
"Aw, come on, what kind of Magical Girl are you if you refuse the call when a magical mascot asks you to transform?" Venalita said.
Utena looked at the star in her hands. "How.. How do I use it?"
"Just hold it ahead of you and think of transforming," Venalita said.
"That... That's it? Don't I need an activation catchphrase? Or a dance?"
"You always can do a dance or say a phrase if you want, it doesn't hurt," Venalita shrugged. "But do it quickly, you don't have all day, Utena!"
Utena closed her eyelids. She breathed as deeply as she could, lifted that golden star, and thought of Magical Girl Mimiru.
Instantly she felt enveloped by a warm and very soothing light, pure white, and then she felt a drift on herr privates, and her bare feet touching the ground. However, just as soon, her feet were clad again. Something pressed on her bare chest, pushing the breasts into a tight stance, and a pair of bat wings, small and cute, sprouted from her lower back. Something appeared to be coming out of her head, which was odd, since most Magical Girls had tiaras and such, but rarely any... crowns? Was that a crown she was feeling?
Not like she had plenty of time to ponder the issue, as the light had vanished just as soon and she now stood in her new Mahou Shoujo costume...
Utena smiled, and looked down at herself.
Then she yelped, "What the!?"
She was not wearing the short skirt of most shining warriors of Love and Justice, but tight black pants that barely covered her pubes and exposed her belly, aided by a black corset and the complete lack of a shirt; her breasts only were held in place by small black stars pasted on her chest. Her neck was guarded by a white collar with poofy shoulders attached to it, and her arms were in long black and tight sleeves. They reached to her hands, which were bare, and her fingernails were coated on black paint. She blinked at the long coat sprouting from her corset, which reached down to the height of her ankles.
Utena felt her head. There were two sturdy and pointy horns there. One on each temple. They were not heavy at all. Still. Horns. That wasn't a thing Magical Girls should have.
"This uniform..." she gulped. "Venalita-san, I don't mean to be rude, but it looks... almost evil?"
The floating thing smirked. "But it suits you well! You look beautiful..."
"Do, do you think so?" the girl blushed adorably. She touched her bat wings. "I suppose it wouldn't be so bad, if I were to move to Gotham..."
"Do you want to work for the Joker?" Venalita asked. "I'm warning you, Utena, supervillain teamups aren't allowed until you have reached a given level of experience."
Utena blinked. "S-Supervillain?"
Venalita nodded. "You are a Magical Girl of evil, after all!"
Utena paled, and her jaw loosened.
"Don't tell me that the costume wasn't a giveaway..."
"But, but I don't want to be evil! I only wanted to be a good Magical Girl!" Utena said.
"Silly Utena, if you were going to be a good Magical Girl the forces of good would have reached you before I did!"
Utena stared at it with a blank expression.
She turned around and reached for her schoolbag. "Then I'm going to quit, sorry. I'll send you the costume after I get home! Just give me an address for the package, I'll even wash it before giving it back..."
Venalita looked in another direction. "I don't mind your taking a bit of time to think the offer, but they might have other ideas in mind!"
"Eh?" Utena said, and also looked that way. Her gaze drifted up, and her mouth twisted upwards in a huge smile. Her eyes glowed, gaining star shaped pupils. "T-t-T-t-Tres Magia...!"
Three girls floated above them, sternly scowling at Utena.
Hovering at the head of the trio, a lovely pink haired born leader, clad in pink and white.
"Magia Magenta...!" Utena said, hearts flowing out of her.
With a fist resting on her hip, a petite blonde with long hair, wearing white and yellow.
"Magia Sulphur...!" Utena panted, her face heating up in a blush.
The tall one of the trio, a cool beauty with long aquamarine hair, floated at the other side of Magenta.
"Magia Azure...!" Utena cooed, swooning.
She offered a hand up at them. "So enchanted to meet you! Looking f-forward to work with you! For the sake of Love and Justice...!"
Magia Magenta blinked. "Eh?"
"Don't let yourself be fooled, Magenta," Sulphur said. "She's trying to trick you..."
"It was your evil presence, that which we felt, what drew us here!" Azure pointed her wand at Utena. "So it was you who summoned that monster! Vile soldier of Enormita!"
"Enormita?" Utena asked.
"That's us," Venalita said.
"You mean that is the name... of the evil organization... No!" Utena said. "I'm not evil!"
"That's what any soldier of evil would cowardly say when corralled," Sulphur sneered.
"Then am I supposed to say I'm evil!?"
"It would certainly save us all time," Magenta said in a reasonable voice.
"You are talking to an evil magical mascot," Azure said. "How can you deny you're evil?"
"She's as evil as they come," Venalita put a hand on Utena's shoulder.
"N-No, I'm not!" Utena panicked. She looked frantically into her bag. Pulling a notebook out, she held it towards the girl. "See, I have a Magical Girl autograph book!"
"Look out, she's got a Death Note!" Azure panicked.
"That... That's only an anime, Azure..." Sulphur's left eyebrow twitched.
"And a live action Netflix series!" Venalita pointed out.
"We don't talk about that! You're truly evil!" Azure snapped.
Magenta, after a second of doubt, floated down and grabbed the book. She flipped through it. "It's all autographs of Pro Heroes..."
Utena blushed. "Just my luck, I only keep on crossing paths with them! I want to meet Magical Girls, but they are elusive!"
"All Might signed thrice, even!" Magenta whistled.
Utena shrugged, embarrassed. "You know how it is... He signs even when one doesn't ask him to..."
"He means well," Magenta smiled, extending a hand towards her. Utena blinked, realized what she meant, pulled a pen out of the bag, and handed it to her, blushing. Magenta signed one of the pages and gave the book back. "Happy to be of service!"
Utena giggled, hugging the notebook. "Thank you, thank you, thank you! Magia Magenta's autograph! This is the happiest day of my life!"
"You're welcome!" she said amiably, flying back up to stand with her friends. "We'll send it to your next of kin after we've disposed of you, Horns-san!"
Sulphur and Azure stared quietly at her.
"What?" Magenta asked. "What did I do?"
"What if that pen was poisoned?" Sulphur asked.
"But we're wearing gloves. See?" Magenta held her hand at her.
"What if it seeped through the glove and is eating into you right as we speak?!" Azure said. She gestured dramatically with a hand. "It is, after all, the insidous poison... OF EVIL...!"
Utena and Magenta blinked.
They all stood still and silent for many moments.
The wind whistled in the distance.
"I guess," Sulphur allowed, "you'd have dropped dead already, if you had been poisoned."
"We'll take you to Vatz as soon as we've killed her," Azure promised Magenta, putting a hand on her shoulder. "Please hold on!"
Magenta nodded. "Thank you!"
"Y-You still want to kill me!?" Utena whined.
"You've just poisoned our friend, after all," Azure said, starting to swoop down. "HAVE AT THEE!"
"KYAAAAAAAAA!"
Just like a true leader should, Magia Magenta landed first, standing right before Utena and hefting her staff over her head, ready to bring it down in another act of Justice and Peace. "Find solace in the cesation of your evil... ahhhh?" she babbled, as her eyes finally met Utena's, up close.
Utena felt the jolt of electricity again.
Her heart started beating desperately. Is, is this what that eerie old man told me!? she thought. Is, is MAGIA MAGENTA my romantic companion!? That, that's too good to be true! She began smiling again, her face twitching uncontrollably. If they killed me right now I'd still be happy!
Magenta staggered back. "I knew it!" Azure shouted. "She poisoned you!"
Magenta took a hand to her own head. She shivered.
Sulphur roared, preparing a fist and swinging it at Utena. "We'll avenge Magia Magenta! You miserable...!"
"I don't want to be killed yet!" Utena changed her mind, trying to hop back and almost tripping. The fist came dangerously close to her face, and then... and then it stopped.
Sulphur's eyes had frozen open, locked on Utena's. Once again, Utena felt the electric discharge, and her eyes began spinning in spirals. "Uwaaa, uwaaa, uwaaaa!"
Sulphur staggered back too, with a hand on her mouth. "Sulphur!" Azure gasped. "You too!?"
"I'm afraid... I'll have to leave this to you, Azure..." Sulphur said uncharacteristically quiet and shivering. "I don't know what came over to me, but-"
Azure seethed and glared at the dazed Utena. "Fiend! Undo what you did to them, you!"
Utena jumped back instinctively as Azure hit where she had stood with her staff, the impact sending pieces of pavement flying everywhere.
"Oh!" Utena hiccuped. "Magia Azure's legendary strenght...!"
"It is a strenght from my convinctions and the love for my friends, you... you...!" Azure paused, right after she came close enough to look into Utena's eyes. Her eyes glazed over for a second, as she felt as if she had just been tasered. The evil one stepped back again, blushing, and hugging herself while shivering.
Venalita watched on with interest.
Quickly, Azure regrouped with her friends. "What... What was that?"
"It's a fearsome Doki Doki secret weapon!" Magenta said.
Sulphur bit her thumb. "That awful witch... She threw me off balance for a moment, now I'll kill her..."
"Hey," Venalita told Utena. "They will kill you if you don't do something, you know that?"
"Eh?" Utena said. "Ah, yes, I need to run away... I think..."
"It's more like you need to counter attack," Venalita said.
"But, but I can't hurt them! They are my youth idols, and my soulmates, and-!"
"Use this," Venalita produced a long black staff, tipped by a star, out of its sleeve and handed it to her. It also had the leather handle of a whip. "Its name is Full Star Dominazione. Just slap something with it and it'll become a weapon."
Utena blinked. "Seriously?"
"Try it..."
Utena looked around for something that wouldn't hurt the Magical Girls too much. The Tres Magia were regaining their senses and heading towards her again. She had to act fast!
Utena saw a nearby, lovely sunflower, just as the trio ran towards her. Unsure of what else to do, she tentatively whacked the flower with her brand weapon of... evil?
This day was definitely going too fast for her full liking.
Instantly, the ground under the sunflower inflated itself and exploded upwards, as the innocent plant stood on its roots, growing up into a giant.
Tres Magia stopped. "Oh dear, oh gracious!" Magenta said.
"I never understand this part," Sulphur said. "Where does all that extra matter come from? The laws of physics would say that-"
"Magic!" Azure said as the humongous monster reached for the clouds, towering over the grounds.
"I should know that, I've been doing this as long as you have, but one would think that magic still has to obey some sense of logics, and-"
"Magic!" Azure repeated, leaping out of the way of a root lashing at her.
Utena hiccuped, seeing her heroines in danger. "Nooo, what am I doing!? What if I kill them!?"
"You should be proud, not many minions would be able of performing so well on a first outing!" Venalita cheered her up. "A fine monster! I'd had been expecting for something far weaker..."
"You don't have faith on me!" Utena told it.
"I mean, you don't even want to be evil! You are wasting your talent!"
"I don't want that kind of talent!" Utena pointed at the Tres Magia, who were being caught in the unearthed roots of the uplifted sunflower, wrapping themselves around them and squeezing them. "Let them go! Let them go, I tell you!"
"You don't really want it to let them go," Venalita said.
"What do you mean? Of course I do!"
"No. You don't! If you wanted it to, it'd have let them go already!" her mascot said. "It is your monster, so if it isn't obeying you, it's because-"
"Because?"
"Because it's obeying the true commands of your heart!"
"NONSENSE!"
"Girls!" Magenta kicked around, hefted upwards. "My hands are bound! I cannot use magic this way!"
"Do you think I can!?" Sulphur said. "Look at me, Magenta, my arms are just as pinned!"
"Stop fighting, you two! Let me think a way out!" Azure said.
Utena sniffled, looking at them. "One of Tres Magia's famous squabbles! It's a honor...!"
"Now kill them," Venalita urged.
"I WON'T DO SUCH A THING!"
"Well, then at least do something properly evil to them!" the mascot grew annoyed." Torture them or something!"
Utena blinked. "Torture?"
"That's what I said!"
"T-Torture?"
"Girls, I don't like what I'm hearing!" Magenta said.
Azure frowned. "Let her try! To torture us, she needs to get close, and then we can get her somehow."
Utena stared at them. They were completely powerless in her power. And they were so cute like that...
Her cheeks gained an adorable shade of girlish pinkish.
The way they squirmed and thrusted their cute butts up in their escape attempts excited her.
Utena stepped ahead and trembled, a single tear leaking out her eye.
"Tres Magia..."
With a shaky hand, she gestured towards the plant. It moved along her hand, and twisted all three of its captives the other way. Their backs were turned on Utena now.
"Yah!" Sulphur said.
"What, what is she going to do now? I can't see her anymore!" Azure said.
"You're the brains, Azure-chan! If you don't know, how could I know!?" Magenta whined.
They were lowered slowly, until they were roughly at the same level as Utena. Utena stared at their butts, fascinated. "Oh, Magenta-chan's is the biggest," she said. "I always believed it'd be Azure-chan's..."
"I'm not fat!" Magenta said.
"Who are you calling skinny!?" Sulphur shrieked.
Utena blushed again, leaned towards them, and sniffed.
"What is she doing?" Magenta asked.
Azure clenched her teeth. "I think she's smelling our butts."
"Why would she do something so stupid?" Sulphur asked.
"What do I know about the ways of evil?!" Azure said.
Utena sweated, raised the staff, and lightly smacked Magenta's butt with it. "Yip!" Magenta said.
Utena smiled nervously. That... That is an adorable sound!
Since she wanted to hear it, she hit Magenta's butt again. "Yip!" Magenta repeated.
"Let us go!" Azure said. "This is an insult! Let's fight face to face, unless you are afraid!"
Utena hit her on the butt now. "Whaaa!" Azure said.
Utena's head was covered on sweat, her eyes had heart shaped pupils then, and her heart thumped madly. She hit Sulphur's small butt. "Yow!"
Utena paused, looked at left and right, and began hitting them as if playing a xylophone.
"Yip!"
"Whaaa!"
"Yow!"
"Yip!"
"Whaaa!"
"Yow!"
Utena stepped back and panted, drooling without realizing it.
Venalita seemed perplexed. "What kind of mindgame is this?"
Utena swung her arm with strenght, and whacked all three butts in a single hit.
"AAAHHHHH!" Tres Magia said.
"Oh, I understand," Venalita hummed. "A sadist."
I see, this is a dream, Utena thought, her eyes spinnning. It's too absurd so it has to be a dream hah hah! If it's a dream... then I might as well enjoy myself!
She began spanking the girls over and over.
"Why are you doing this!?" Magenta yelped.
"It hurts, hurts!" Sulphur said.
"It doesn't hurt!" Azure said. "Don't break down, Sulphur!"
Utena began whacking Azure the most now.
"Ow! Ow! Ow!" Azure said.
"It doesn't hurt, huh?" Sulphur said.
"It doesn't...!" Azure insisted, trashing and grinding her white teeth.
Utena focused on her, hitting and walloping her.
"Ow, ow, it hurts after all!" Azure admitted.
Sulphur smiled smugly. "I knew it did. You shouldn't act like you're stronger than- YAAAHHHH!" she said as Utena began hitting her.
Hiiragi stepped back, sweating and panting. That... That was delicious. Surely it wouldn't hurt anyone, if she just indulged herself a little more? She raised her arm again, and-
"VENUS LOVE ME CHAIN!"
"Eh?" Utena said, a split second before something flew through the air, grabbed her by the arm, and yanked it down painfully. "Yiiiiiiiii!"
Tres Magia looked back over their shoulders, and smiled. She stood there, bathed by the orange light of the setting sun. Several meters away from Utena, with her famous Love Chain in a hand and catching the evil Magical Girl with it, the woman, the legend, the All Might of Magical Girls was there.
Utena also gushed, if anything even more thrilled than them. "Sailor V...!"
Long golden hair trailed behind her. A mask covered most of a gorgeous face. A red ribbon sat on top of her head.
"Punishing those who would tarnish the honor of Magical Girls!" the newcomer said, her voice equally as beautiful as her. She sounded so confident, Utena felt weak on her knees. "Stopping evil on the bloom! The Onee-sama of Mahou Shoujo! Sailor V is here!"
"We'd clap if we could, Sailor V...!" Magenta cried streams of happiness tears.
Sulphur whacked her feet together. "I am clapping with my feet!"
Utena was in love again, ignoring the pain in her arm. "My, my biggest heroine, my inspiration, my source of inspiration for every day! Sailor V! Could you sign my autograph OHHHHH!" she said as she was yanked towards the unsmiling Sailor V. She tried looking into her eyes, to see if she also was a soulmate, as she flew in her direction, but then she realized that V's eyes were hidden behind those opaque glasses in her mask, and then she had Sailor V's powerful fist hitting her right at the middle of her face, and then she was unconscious.
Venalita slipped away while nobody was paying her any mind.
Sailor V huffed, looking at the downed dark Mahou Shoujo at her feet. The sunflower monster was crumbling into dust without is puppeteer, releasing Tres Magia.
"S-Sailor V!" Magenta wailed, tossing herself at her. "We, we meet again!"
V smiled and patted her head. "Sorry I took so long, Magia Magenta! I was at the other end of the town when I felt the evil energy!"
Sulphur mumbled to herself and rubbed her aching derriere. "And our ends suffered because of it."
"Don't be so ungreateful, Sulphur." Azure bowed to Sailor V. "Thank you very much, Onee-sama."
"Don't call me that, Azure, you make me feel old!"
"But you called yourself that..."
"N word privileges, Azure!"
Azure stepped back, unsure of what to say. "Sorry...?"
Sulphur looked down at Utena. "And now, we kill her."
"Yes, now, we... What?! NO!" Sailor V said.
The three juniors looked at her. "But... she is the enemy," Azure said.
"We kill enemies all the time," Magenta said.
"You kill enemies all the time," Sulphur said.
"Well, yes, but those are monsters! This is a human girl! She isn't a monster!"
"My ass says different, 'Onee-sama'!" Sulphur said angrily.
"She might be possessed!" V said.
Magenta blinked. "That is a thing that happens?"
"All the time!" V said. "A bigger bad uses magic to hypnotize and slash or possess an otherwise innocent human, and-" She felt a terrible suspicion. "You haven't done this before, right? Killing someone without bothering to check they weren't possesed first?"
Tres Magia looked at each other. Nervously. Then they said at unison, "No!"
"..." Sailor V said. She sighed. "Besides, she's already downed, you can kill in the heat of battle in self defense, but this is..."
"And then what are we supposed to do? Do we let her go?" Sulphur asked.
"Of course not. We can't arrest people, but we leave that to the police and Pro Heroes," V said happily. She pulled a phone out. "Luckily I have Midnight's number and she'll come quickly or send someone to arrest her. What was she doing before you attacked her?"
"Uhh... She was standing here," Magenta said.
V blinked. "... and?"
"She also was talking to an evil mascot," Sulphur said.
"Okay, and what was the evil mascot doing?" V asked.
"It was teasing her," Azure said.
"Evilly!" Sulphur added.
"That was all?!" V said.
"She also felt evil which is what drew us to her!" Magenta said.
V facepalmed. "You can't arrest someone just because she feels evil! She needs to be doing something evil first!"
"Our legal system sure needs changing, huh," Sulphur said.
"Wasn't she taking hostages? Stealing anything? Kicking a kitten?! Anything evil at all that we can use against her in a court of law!?" V said.
"She hit our butts!" Magenta rubbed herself on hers.
"Was that before of after you attacked her?!"
"Are you on her side or ours?" Azure asked.
V quietly walked aside, stood before a tree, and slammed her forehead against the trunk twice. Then she walked back to them, rubbing her head.
"Was that really necessary?" Azure asked.
"It was either that or hitting you," V exhaled wearily.
"Thank you, V-sama," Magenta said sincerely.
"Think nothing of it, Magenta-chan."
Magenta snapped her fingers. "Ah! I know! She was taking over this temple, she was here before we arrived, after all..."
"This is a public temple, anyone can come here," V grouched.
Azure opened her mouth.
"Even if they are evil," V intercepted.
Azure closed her mouth.
"Society gives too many chances to evil," Sulphur said.
There was a beat.
"Let's all go home," Sailor V said.
"But-!" Magenta protested.
"Everyone goes home!"
And so, they did.
Venalita floated out of hiding and over the knocked out Utena.
"Dragging the stupid bitch to her home will be a fucking pain. Fat pig!"
Hiiragi Utena woke up staring at a familiar ceiling.
She sat up, still sleepy. "That was some scary dream..."
Maybe she had been attacked by another Villain? She reached for her schoolbag and pulled the autograph book out. She was sure she'd find another one from All Might. But then she gasped, as she saw "Magia Magenta?!"
It took her a few moments to proccess that. Sweating, she went to the toilet, took a bath, brushed her teeth, dressed up, and went downstairs, sitting down to have breakfast.
"Mom," she told her mother while enjoying her meal to the best of her current capacities, "do you think... there is something wrong about me?"
The woman blinked. "Wrong like what?"
Utena sighed. "Sometimes, I feel there's something very wrong with me. A thing... a thing I can't tell you about, Mom. I'm ashamed of it..."
"Are you doing drugs, Utena-chan?" her mother asked, now worried.
"What... No!"
"Are you dating a boy behind my back? An older man? Are you... Are you having dates for money, or-"
"No! No! Definitely no boys at all! Like no!" Utena waved her hands.
Her mother looked at her for a moment. "We all are flawed, we are only humans after all," she said, carefully. "That's no excuse for not trying to improve, of course."
"I know."
"That's something you haven't acted on, is it?" her mother guessed. "Just something that you think about."
Utena looked down. "I'm not sure."
"What is that even meant to mean?"
"I had a weird dream last night..."
"Oh, if it's only a dream, you don't need to worry," her mother told her. "It's just your subconscious mind playing tricks on you. It happens to everyone."
"Really?"
"They say that every man and woman has two natures inside of them. A naughty one and a good one. The naughty one won't go away, but as long as you don't give it free reign and you keep it under control, it shouldn't be a problem. Sometimes it'll bother you through dreams and naughty thoughts, but if you don't pay it any attention and you think of good things, it'll leave you alone."
Utena nodded. "I see! Thank you very much, Mom!"
The woman wagged a finger at her. "The important thing is you must never let it harm yourself, or others. If you think that's about to happen, then please come to me and tell me, okay?"
Utena nodded. "Mom..." she said. "Are you... proud of me? I mean... are you happy with me, the way I am?"
"You might try getting better scores, and you could use being more of a realist," her mother told her tenderly, "but I couldn't ask for a better daughter, my sweet Utena-chan."
"Thank you, Mom."
They hugged before Utena left for school, and she waved at the woman before heading down the street. The sun was bright on the sky once again.
I'm not an evil person, that's just a side of me that is very stupid and won't control me for good! she reassured herself, smiling as she sprinted towards school. I'm better than I think I am, and Mom is right, that stupid mascot, even if she is real, won't drive me into insane criminality like-
Then, as she doubled a corner, she ran facefirst into someone else, and both fell back, landing on the sidewalk with groans.
"I... I'm sorry!" Utena got up, and dusted her skirt off. "I wasn't looking where I was going, and I was thinking of something else, and-!"
The girl she had ran into stared at her. Utena froze.
The bolt had struck again as she looked into those quiet red eyes, which immediately grew agitated.
The girl was a few years her junior, around the same age the boy the day before. Probably some two years older, with very pale skin, and long white hair, like someone pulled out of a Visual Novel.
She even wore a familiar elementary school uniform, from the school Utena had assisted in her own childhood.
"Ah... No, it's me who's sorry!" that girl hiccuped, leaping up to her feet. "Sorry, Senpai! You aren't hurt, are you! Well, neither am I! Gotta go! Bye!"
"But-"
"Bye!" the young girl said and raced off in Utena's opposite direction, her skirt flapping up just enough to let Utena see a bit of her teddy print panties. Utena eeped.
After the stranger was gone Utena began chewing on her knuckles. I'm the worst...! Not only a shotacon, I'm a lolicon too...!
With those thoughts in mind, she shambled through Powers-sensei's lessons, the teacher foaming off the mouth as she drew unflattering caricatures of Wolverine on the chalkboard.
"- and that's how the Great Canadian War destroyed most of Canada and forced us to go all around the world!" she ranted. "Stupid Canadians, always ruining Canada!"
Utena sighed.
"Hiiragi! Pay attention, will you! This is an important part of modern history, you must be aware on the nature of those bastards so history doesn't repeat itself in your country!"
Utena sighed again.
Powers-sensei frowned. "Are you okay?"
Utena sighed a third time. "To be honest, no, I'm not feeling well..."
Powers-sensei stared at her. She waved a hand at her. "Go outside and breathe some fresh air, Hiiragi. You are as pale as a fucking ghost. You can even go to the nurse's office if you want. You should, if you ask me..."
"Thank you, Sensei. I'll be allright," Utena said blandly, getting off the seat and shambling out the door.
A pink haired girl looked after her in concern.
Utena went to the gardening shed, pulled a hose out, and began watering the flowers in the back yard, feeling better already. "Ahhhh," she said. "This is relaxing..."
Alone with the flowers, she could forget about herself and how disgusting and filthy she was. Flowers were innocent, unlike her, unlike everyone. Flowers didn't lie, telling her she was good, but they didn't question her either, they just accepted her and everything for what they were. Flowers didn't pressure her into doing anything she did not or did want to do, like-
"We are going to do evil again, Utena," Venalita's voice said from behind her.
Utena's eyebrow twiched. "I think I hate you a whole lot," she said.
"Oh, yes, that's the spirit," Venalita said. "Surrender yourself to the Power of Hate! Lose yourself to the delicious darkness..."
Utena turned the hose off and turned away to look meekly at Venalita. "Why do you confront me in the open like that? What if someone sees you? Are you invisible to normals?"
"If I choose to," Venalita said.
Two girls passed by. "Oh, look, Creepy-chan is talking to animals now! So sad...!"
"What a weird, ugly animal. It must be Australian."
When the two girls were gone, Venalita grew a vein on its head. "Those two shall be the first to die."
"Y-You won't kill anyone!" Utena said. She put her hand in her schoolbag and pulled the gold star out, extending it to Venalita. "You can have it back, I don't want it!"
Venalita looked at it. "My feelings have been insulted, Utena-chan. What a wonderfully evil thing to say!"
"It's not being evil if you're being evil to evil!" Utena said.
"It's twice as evil! Evil on top of evil! You can even be evil to evil, you're the most evil girl I've ever met!"
Utena began crying. "Your logic makes my brain hurt!"
Venalita looked at the flowers. "You really love plants, don't you?"
Utena sniffled. "Y-Yes, I love them a lot! See, that proves I'm not fully evil! I can have love in my heart!"
"Silly Utena, love can be evil too!" Venalita bopped a sleeve on her head.
"It can?"
"Yes, that's why you, who are full of love, are also the most evil girl I have ever-"
"Don't begin with that again!"
"What do you love best, plants or people?"
Utena blinked. "Eh? P-People, of course!"
"You doubted before answering!"
"That's because you ask weird questions that throw me off!"
"Uh-huh. And why do you love people best?"
"Because... my mom is human, and so are Magical Girls, and so are my friends, and-"
"EVIL LIAR!" Venalita pointed at her. "You don't have any friends!"
"I had two in kindergarten!" Utena whined, pulling backwards.
"Those weren't friends, they were the only two girls in the class who didn't bully you!"
"Why do you know so much about my past!?"
"Well, if you must know," Venalita said, "it began with your father and mother, I once passed by your house and heard evilly obscene yells, and I innocently looked in, and you wouldn't imagine what kind of evil, twisted sexual stuff were they-"
"LA LA LA LA LA, I'M NOT HEARING YOU...!" Utena sobbed, putting her fingers in her ears.
"Anyway, you were conceived by sinful evil, so you are a born creature from evil!" Venalita lectured. "Also, your motives for liking people best are shallow, selfish and petty! Thusly evil! It's just because some people you have a personal interest on happen to be human!"
"So... should I like plants better?"
"GAH! What kind of evil monster would say that!? Are you Poison Ivy!? Why would you put plants above your fellow man!"
"EVERYTHING IS EVIL TO YOU!"
"Now you are understanding the nature of the world," Venalita said. "You must like plants better than people anyway, since you are spending time with plants instead of hanging out with your classmates. And you do that day after day, everyday!"
Utena pouted and looked aside. "That, that's just because I'm not good at socializing."
"I can help you! Evil people make a lot of friends!" Venalita said. "Our organization is full of dark Magical Girls who would be friends with you!"
Utena's head snapped back to look back at it with huge eyes. "Really!?"
Venalita nodded.
Utena blushed. "I don't know... Can't we make them a little bit less evil?"
"That would be a pathetic waste of perfectly useful evil, but if you want to try, I won't stop you," Venalita said.
Utena thought about it. "I... I don't know a lot about dark Magical Girls of evil," she admitted. "They are never shown in TV or anything."
"Oh, they are beautiful!" Venalita tempted her. "Full of grace and very sweet! Glamorous swans! Why don't you come with us and see them yourself?"
Utena gulped. "But... I mustn't!"
Venalita showed her a cellphone pulled out of her sleeve. "Look, it's our social media network!"
Utena leaned towards the screen. Venalita showed her a succession of social media pages. "But that's just YouTube, Instagram, X. Facebook and TikTok."
"What more can you ask for when you ask for evil!?" Venalita said. "I have 20k followers, and I'm not even as popular as the field members!"
"Wow!" Utena said.
"By the way," Venalita said, "If you don't accept all those followers will see this."
She showed her a video of Utena walloping the butts of Tres Magia. "Eeeeeek!" Utena said.
"The only thing I don't like about doing that kind of stuff," Venalita said, "is that those videos always end up making their way everywhere, even where you didn't want them to be! Why, even your mom could end up seeing this..."
"No, no, please!"
Venalita nodded happily then. "Welcome to Enormita, then, Hiiragi Utena! Tomorrow, we'll start your training of evil! It was a pleasure, like always!" It floated away, humming, "She sees you when you're sleeping. She knows when you're awake. She knows if you've been bad or good, so be bad for badness sake!"
Utena blinked. "You are a girl?" But Venalita was gone already.
Then a happy and perky voice came from her right. "Yoo-hooo, Hiiragi-san!"
"WAAAAAHHHHH!" Utena panicked, almost leaping out of her skin. She spun around to face a curiously blinking pretty face with pink hair. "Who, who are you!?"
The girl blinked again. "Eh? We have been in the same classroom all term long. I'm Haruka! Hanabishi Haruka!"
"Ah, ah, sorry, I'm not good with names. Or faces. Or paying attention at classes," Utena blushed and averted her gaze. "That's why Sensei's always yelling at me."
"I was worried about you, you seemed downcast today!" Haruka approached her. She crouched down to smell the flowers. "You're always taking care of the gardens, you must love flowers a whole lot!"
"N-Not more than people!"
"Eh?"
"Nothing!"
Haruka blinked, then smiled oh so brightly at her. "You still don't feel well, do you? I can take you with the nurse, I know the way-" She stood up and winced in pain. "Ouchie!"
"What happened?" Utena worried.
Haruka tried to laugh her concern off, rubbing her own butt. "N-Nothing! Yesterday I fell on my bum and hurt myself! But only a bit!"
"Oh... I see. Sorry to hear that..."
"You don't want to go see the nurse with me?"
Utena shook her head. "Sorry..."
"Well, if that's the way you feel!" Haruka shook her hand, and Utena's face grew all shades of red. Haruka didn't seem to notice. "What if tomorrow we eat lunch together? With Sayo-chan and Kaoruko-chan!"
"Wh-Who are those?"
"Two classmates who have also been with us all term long!" Haruka thought of something. "Utena-chan, how many of our classmates have you grown to know by now?"
"I, I know Powers-sensei. Her first name is Julie, isn't it?"
Haruka paused, the smile frozen on her face. "Tomorrow. Lunch. Together."
Utena nodded very rapidly.
"That's good to hear! Well, bye-bye! See you tomorrow!" Haruka said gleefully, skipping away. She was going to save a cute classmate from herself!
Utena stared after her, fascinated. Then she looked at the hand Haruka had shaken.
"I'm never washing you again," she told it.
She kept on looking at it, and then, shyly, licked it all over.
Utena cooed in orgasmic fashion. "It tastes like love...!"
Ah, young romance.
Tohsaka-san had given her the keys of her house.
That would have been, in anyone else, a show of great trust. Illyasviel von Einzbern would have felt honored. But in the case of Rin, all that meant was a complete unwillingness to bother to go open the doors for Illya, and also a total inability to just communicate with her and arrange meeting hours through the phone, like everyone else.
It was not like Tohsaka-san couldn't use a phone at all either, it was just that her idea of a phone was that horrible and goofy looking thing Illya was walking past now, in her living room. It was this thing with a wheel with numbers on it, which Tohsaka-san had inherited from her parents, and it seemed that one couldn't even send text messages with it. Why hadn't Tohsaka-san dumped it in the trash yet, Illya had no idea.
"Tohsaka-saaaaaan!" Illya called out. "I want to talk with you!"
"I'm in the attic!" came a voice from above.
Illya sighed and headed up the old creaky stairs. That was another thing Illya didn't like about Tohsaka-san, she kept her house clean but otherwise it was so creepy and so moody, it scared the litle girl.
Illya had a huge house of her own. She had no problems visiting someone else's manor. She wasn't going to feel outstaged anyone soon. But she would have appreciated it if Tohsaka-san had taken some effort on keeping her house welcoming at all. Then again, Tohsaka-san didn't have any maids so there was that.
As soon as the girl reached the attic, she backpedalled and pressed a hand on her nose. Tohsaka had been standing with her back turned on the door, or rather her upraised ass turned on the door, as she was doubled down drawing a circle on the wooden floor, her skirt so short that it had greeted Illya with a direct view of her panties.
"EEEEEP!" Illya said.
"What do you want?" Rin asked, finishing the circle and straightening up. She dusted her hands off.
"What are you doing?" Illya asked, rubbing her nose down.
"I asked first and I am your master," Rin said casually, turning to face the albino. She looked behind Illya. "Where's Ruby?"
"I left her home watching the soaps," Illya said moodily. "I didn't want her hearing what I'm gonna tell you."
"So spit it out," Rin said. "I'm in a hurry tonight."
Illya sighed. "I ran into a girl today... I think she might have casted a spell on me."
"Oh?"
"I don't know!" Illya threw her hands up. "I stumbled into her when I was going to school, and there was this discharge of electricity when I looked into her eyes, and I haven't stopped thinking about her all day long!"
Rin stared at her blankly.
"It was a hex, wasn't it?" asked Illya.
"Sounds like you fell in love at first sight," Rin said.
"What? No! Don't say that!"
"It's an improvement over being in love with your brother, I guess?" the black haired young woman shrugged.
"Don't mock me!" Illya screched. "I came here because you told me to report any really strange people I ran into!"
"Okay, and what was so weird about this girl?" the unimpressed Rin asked. "Did she wear any outlandish clothes? Did she threaten you? Did she know about the cards? Was she a blonde with an ugly face who laughed 'Oh-ho-ho' a lot?"
"Uhhhh... no? She was sorta pathetic looking, with bags under her eyes, and messy black hair."
"Ew. You have really bad taste!"
"It wasn't love at first sight!" Illya yelled.
Rin turned back towards her circle. "Don't pester me with your romantic woes! I have important grownup things to do! Contact me only when you see something magical, okay?"
Illya pouted. "And what are you going to do? Will you summon a demon, or the demon will summon you?"
"Nobody likes smartass brats, you'll have to do better if you want to impress her," Rin said. She held a hand up, showing Illya the red marks on its back, over her shoulder. "These are command seals that appeared on my skin this week. They give me the right to summon a Heroic Spirit."
"But we already have several Heroic Spirit cards," Illya said. "Don't you trust me anymore? Do you want to do this alone from now on? Great! I'll return Ruby to you tomorrow!"
"You don't get off the hook so easily," Rin said. "I'm talking about actual Heroic Spirits, not class cards."
Illya squinted. "So... you mean that all this time you could summon the actual heroes, and yet you made me hunt for all those cards depicting the heroes for no good reason at all?"
"Don't be stupid, Illya, I couldn't summon anyone until I got these seals," Rin said. "They mark me of one of the seven Masters in the Holy Grail War, just like my father was ten years ago!" she said proudly.
"Didn't you once tell me that your father was killed ten years ago?"
"It was just an occupational hazard!"
"You sound awfully happy to get yourself killed. Whom do I post Ruby to after you're gone, Tohsaka-san?"
"He just had back luck, he didn't summon a Servant who was compatible with him! I'll avoid that pitfall by not using a catalyst!" Rin waved a hand.
"What is a catalyst?"
"Why couldn't I get Miyu, stupid Edelfelt," Rin mumbled. Her mind briefly flashed to another black haired, much bustier and slightly younger female.
"Oh, ho ho ho!" the Sakura Edelfelt in Rin's imagination laughed.
"At least Luvia didn't come herself," Rin mused aloud. "Stand back, Illya! It is time for me to summon the mightiest of Servants... THE SABER!"
"Uh-huh," Illya said. She began looking around for a book to read in the nearby shelves, while Rin cut herself in a hand and dropped some of her blood on the circle, starting chanting.
"Silver and iron to the origin. Gem and the archduke of contracts to the cornerstone. The ancestor is my great master Schweinorg."
Illya picked a book. She flipped through its pages. "Boring."
"The alighted wind becomes a wall. The gates in the four directions close, coming from the crown, the three-forked road that leads to the kingdom circulate."
Illya picked another book. She flipped through it, too. "Lame."
"Shut, fill. Shut, fill. Shut, fill. Shut, fill. Shut, fill. "
"Are you sure you aren't summoning a demon? That's so sinister, brrrrrr!"
"Shut up, Illya! Repeat every five times. Simply, shatter once filled. Your self is under me, my fate is in your sword."
"What if I go now? You don't really need me here, do you?"
"In accordance with the approach of the Holy Grail, if you abide by this feeling, this reason, then answer. Here is my oath. I am the one who becomes all the good of the world of the dead, I am the one who lays out all the evil of the world of the dead."
Illya waved a hand before her face. Purple smoke had started filling the room. The circle was glowing. "I suppose it won't do me any good if I start running now, huh...?"
"You, seven heavens clad in three words of power, arrive from the ring of deterrence, O keeper of the balance!" Rin shouted.
There was a large flash of light, and a small bipedal shape appeared at the middle of the circle. "I am the terror that flaps in the night..." a male voice said though the smoke.
"Yes, yes!" Rin said. "I did it!"
"I have a bad feeling about this," Illya predicted.
"I am the winged scourge that pecks at your nightmares..." the voice said.
"Show yourself! I am your Master, Saber!" Rin laughed. "We will crush the Edelfelts and claim the Holy Grail!"
"I know I should have asked this earlier," Illya said, "but, what, exactly, is a Holy Grail War, Tohsaka-san?"
"I am... SERVANT ARCHER!" a short antropomorphic duck, wearing a purple jacket, wide brimmed hat, mask and cape, walked out the smoke and posed arrogantly, his fists on his hips.
Illya's eyes shrank into tiny black dots. "... whut."
Rin's face became a black canvas with two hollow black eyes and a gaping wide mouth on it.
Her mind drifted back to nine years ago, as Sakura and her watched TV together, holding hands and singing along the happily jazzy theme tune.
"Daring duck of mystery, champion of right. Swoops down from the shadows, Darkwing owns the night! Somewhere some villain schemes. But his number's up!"
Tohsaka Tokiomi walked into the room, picked Chibi Sakura up, and walked back out with her.
"SAKURA-CHAAAAAAAN!" Chibi Rin wailed.
Rin fell to her hands and knees and started bashing her forehead against the floor.
The duck looked down at her, then at Illya. "Your sister appears to be a rather volatile person," he told her.
Illya turned around and walked out the attic. "Good luck with Whatever This Thing Is, I'm outta here."
Next: Boys are Fickle, Girls are Tickle.