Between FF changing the sender for email notifications to AO3 turning off guest comments- I legit thought for a moment I had lost y'all. But I got two very heartfelt comments that made my week. Y'all have no idea how much your feedback means to me. It keeps the fingers typing and the mind rolling with new ideas.
So, I wrote this out and did my best to try and convey their emotions and feelings with what's happened. Plenty more to come too. Enjoy!
aaaaaa
The fragrance of the room hit him first. Fresh tilled earth, blossoming exotic flowers, and wholesome candles over worked his senses dropping him into tranquility the second the apartment door slid shut behind him. His eyes scanned over the vast number of plants, vases filled to the extreme in colorful arrangements, and the gift baskets and balloons. He highly doubted Kate knew what the boxy lettering said, but it warmed his heart that people went to the trouble to send her well wishes and comfort items after the devastating news. Clearly the Bratva thought highly of her and wanted to share their remorse and pain with them.
"Niko…?" Kate turned from taking Niko's brown leather jacket off and hanging it on the rack to see what had caught his attention. He had been silent, almost eerily distant on the trip home. He spoke in Russian to Georgi and Anatoly the entire time. Which made her feel even more like an outcast in the vehicle. What was so important that he couldn't speak in a language she understood?
Niko's eyes looked dull and devoid of the wicked flames that usually danced within his heated glances he sent her way. It feigned on disinterest. She knew better. Of course, she knew. Niko had been faced with tremendous tasks while she had been out for the count. Ambushes, tracking, leading. She understood a little better knowing he was under a ton of stress, but couldn't he look to her for help?
And if his distant self was so easily explained, then why hadn't he touched her beyond their first embrace?
He had yet to kiss her and that frightened her more than anything. Was he scared to? Worried it might be triggering? The downward spiral began again, and she hesitantly reached out to take his hand in hers. Kate forced herself to ignore the flinch, then stiffening, of his fingers as she tucked hers between his.
"Forgive me. I'm still stuck, mentally." Niko tapped his index finger on his temple to show her what he meant. It was partially true. He was stuck in past mistakes and fights. The close call in the rundown shack was beginning to bother him. How had he so easily fallen into their trap? He was better than this. Knew better after the years spent in the wars.
And when he finally got his mind off of over-analyzing every move he made, he got stuck on what he and Karen had done in the motel room. It twisted his stomach and had guilt chipping away at his soul. His thumb pressed into the back of her hand and started a gentle stroking over her soft skin. It shifted his thoughts away from nearly losing two men, whatever Trevor was going to do next, and Karen. He watched as she sighed and shuffled closer to his body.
"Explain it to me?" Kate whispered softly, tugging on their joined hands in the direction of the bathroom, "If you want... Or can. I know some of it might be too difficult to speak on. I understand that. But I need to know you're going to be okay." She slowly moved them to the opening of the ornate bathroom and twisted around to look up into his guarded expression, firming her grip on his hand.
"It was bad Kate. I'm not ready to speak on it just yet. I'd rather focus on you and… us." Niko softened his eyes hoping to show her he was genuine in his need to check in on them. She had been through her own ordeal while he was out west. Things no couple wanted to experience. Loss. Death. Recovery. Moving on…
"Niko I'm-I… I am so sorry." Kate's bottom lip trembled greatly as the tears once more worked their way free from her bloodshot eyes, "I should've been stronger in order to save ou-our baby." The word choked her. Bound her throat in barbed wire. It was the first time she spoke of it aloud and it made it impossibly real. Overwhelmingly so. There was no taking it back now that it was out in the universe to hear.
"Kate, stop. This isn't your fault. None of this is your fault." He cupped her face between his hands and thumbed the tears away as they continuously fell. Her skin felt cool to the touch, and it worried him. Her usual heat and warmth were absent from her flesh, and he trailed his fingers over her cheeks before curling them and stroking over her wet skin with the faintest of brushes of his knuckles.
"I feel so weak." Kate mumbled as she closed her eyes letting his touch comfort her. He always had a way of curbing her emotions with his hands. A simple brush or firm caress and she was immediately changing her tune to what he wanted to hear. He held so much power over her and she willingly gave in to him without question.
'Just how much do I rely on him to keep me going?! I'm so down and it's just because I am starved of his touch…'
"You are far from weak. You are the strongest woman I know." Niko spoke in a hushed tone not wanting to break the quietness of the apartment. She was his rock and safety net. One he had slashed through with a knife into an unrecognizable mess. Their foundation was shaken and crumbling below him, and he knew it. That was the worst part with looking at her. He knew dangerous truths. Truth that would bury her alive. He couldn't do that to her. Refused to.
Kate halfway smiled, not at all feeling strong or confident. Those emotions fled the second they parted to enter the SUV. She had bawled momentarily over Anton and kissed his cheek numerous times in thanks for saving her Niko. Aleksei had also been given a bone crushing hug for which he did his best to not wince or yelp with the pain her actions caused. Sergei and Ivo also received extended hugs. But they all reassured her they were going to be okay and to not worry. Anton had even asked her to watch over Lova when he sneaks out so someone would have eyes on him… He trusted her with his son.
So why was Niko so distant after their first hug?
She kept telling herself it was because of her. Her loss of life within had affected Niko more than she realized and it was clawing away at her stomach the longer he maneuvered away from her hands. He had turned away from her when she went in for a kiss at the hangar- which landed on his scruffy cheek instead. Even the wiping of her tears felt unsure and unwilling.
'He is injured and banged up… He could be fighting off massive pain waves just standing here trying to comfort you. Stop worrying about yourself and get him undressed, cleaned up, and relaxing on the bed. Maybe then he will feel comfortable enough to lay down with me in his arms…'
"Thank you. But I think I need to see for myself you are okay and not hiding some kind of injury underneath all this armor." Kate placed her hands on top of one another over his heart, "Let me help get you out of this heavy thing."
"I ca-can do it myself." Niko stuttered over his words as imagery of Kate beneath him, writhing in pleasure, washed over his body. The normal want and hunger he had become accustomed to when in her presence took charge and slammed the door to the motel room firmly. He felt his body aching everywhere. But not from pain, from her.
"If… That's what you want. Okay. I'll pick out some clean clothes for you to wear…" Disappointment and fear tangled with one another for dominance over her heart. Disappointment in not getting to help him with his injuries and keep touching him. Fear from him continuously pulling away from her.
"Kate…?" He had seen her face fall and the sadness returned to her instantly with her words. It broke his heart to see how badly these past few days had worn her down. She looked thinner than normal, pale, and her hair was loosely curled instead of the normally tighter curls that bounced in anticipation of his hands running through them.
"Да (Da)?" Kate paused on her way to his suitcase, trying to hide the spitefulness from her voice. Maybe he would listen to her or be more open to her if she spoke a different language. It twisted the knife in her stomach remembering how he emotionally spoke in Russian to Georgi and Anatoly. How his voice lifted and dropped, changed with whatever words were coming out of his mouth.
"Hey… Can you find the first aid kit? I'm going to need help bandaging everything. And I-I'd prefer if you were the one taking care of me." Niko attempted to change her mood and get her back to standing close to him. His passionate side was rapidly swimming up to the surface to take charge. His inner demon perked up with the idea of her hands on him tending to his numerous cuts and bruises. Her intoxicating aroma wafting in his nose teasing him of what could be.
"If you are sure you want me around." Her hands in her mind gripped the knife from her stomach and yanked it free. She was going to get her answers before her world came to an end. Damn all the rest of her feelings. She desperately needed to know why he was avoiding her. It was driving her near mad! Aches the likes of which only showed with an orgasm locked her joints up. Lust: powerful lust flushed through her veins ripping away the guilt and timidness when her eyes locked to his over her shoulder.
"What is that supposed to mean?" Niko snapped, growled, and let that dangerous accent accentuate his snipped words. His anger and rage had yet to fully simmer away from the Pavano's attack. It lurked below the surface waiting for the moment to show when it could lash out. And when Kate's sweet voice took on an accusatory tone it snapped his killer to the surface. Where was she getting the idea he didn't want her around? Had someone let it slip to her that he had cheated? Could Kate just take a long look at him and read him that well?!
Kate recoiled with the harshness of his voice. Recoiled so horribly that she started to take a step back from him and held her hands out in front of her slightly from her waist. He had never once used that tone when addressing her. Even his face, partially shadowed from the low light, looked lethal and- and, 'Is this what his enemies see? I'm not your enemy Niko… Please. I'm sorry!'
"Answer me, Kate. What did you mean by questioning my yearning to be near you? I thought with everything we've told one another recently when making love that you would know by now, I'm with you. Standing next to you. Wanting to never leave your side. Fuck Kate. I'm sorry I had to go out west, but I didn't have much of a choice!" His loyalty had been called into question by Georgi. He had to try and show loyalty to Trevor to get him to go along with their plan. Everyone was either doubting his word or too scared to go against him. And now he had…
'Oh fuck. Shit. Kate I'm not mad at you! Please don't… Shit.'
Kate's foot caught the edge of the bed as she was backing up and began to collapse to the floor. Niko had started moving when he noticed her foot was about to catch the fancy wood leg of Kenny's bed and leapt forward to catch her in his arms to soften her fall to the harsh hardwoods. His fingers threaded into her faded red hair to cup her skull; his other hand snaked around her waist. They both tumbled to the ground- Niko breaking both of their falls by scooping her up to his chest and landing on his knees and forearms.
Their noses brushed as they thudded to the unforgiving wooden floor. His eyes locked down into her frightened ones before throwing all caution to the wind and kissing her lips soundly. His fingers curled into her hair tightly, tilting her head to the side to deepen their first kiss back together. Worry iced the edges of his heart when she didn't return the gesture instantly.
Kate closed her eyes with the harsh treatment to her hair but returned his urgent kissing. That guilt fled when his lips crashed down to hers again and roughly parted them to find her tongue. They played one another for dominance. Hands wandered where they willed. It was as if she had been set on fire and the only way to put it out was from Niko's touch.
Niko maneuvered his knee between her legs and spread them to be able to get closer without pressing his full weight on her body. He echoed her moan with the move before dropping his face to the crook of her neck and sucked in a mouthful of flesh. A louder groan escaped her puffed lips when he gently bit the skin, egging him on to do more. And more he planned on doing.
Kate hooked her leg over his that was away from the bed and dipped her fingers into the collar of his bullet proof vest, yanking him down to roll into her shaking body. Her body was literally starved of him and begged him to touch her everywhere, somewhere, just anywhere. It didn't matter to her. He was lavishing her bruises and red lines with tender kisses and licks. And with each press of his chapped lips caused an extreme shudder to shockwave down her spine.
Niko pushed up from her and pulled on her hands to stand up with him, being careful to not harm her. She complied with his silent request easily and it smoothed over some of his nerves as she wrapped her arms around his shoulders, jumped up to her tiptoes, and kissed him aggressively. Heat scorched his skin, and he placed his hands to her backside, fingers slipping down into her jeans' back pockets.
Kate was a complete wreck on the inside. Torn in different directions. She wanted to make love to him, but her body was giving her warning signals. She wanted to push him off and get him to tell her why he had been distant. To squash this nasty tendril of self-doubt that lurked from her brain to her heart… and soul. But with every new sensation he brought her, the longer she let go and put herself in his hands to heal and be made once again. The feel of the bullet proof vest over his chest was beginning to distract her from the foggy haze that billowed in as his lips met hers again.
Niko sucked in her lower lip and bent his knees, adjusting his hold of her, and picked her up. Her legs instinctively wrapped around his waist with the familiar position. They refused to break contact with one another and found each other's lips to start building them back up. To get them back to happier times. Sensual lust instead of this hemorrhaging want that left them gasping for air and diving back in just to have their breath stolen.
He turned them so he could sit down on the side of the bed- Her landing… in his… lap…
Karen shifted to his lap as he roughly pulled her around him. They sank into a familiar connection and tumbled over the edge of realized reality.
Niko jolted as the memory slapped him across the face lowering his reaction time. Kate dove in and kissed his lips a couple of times before trialing her mouth down his chin.
Lips and teeth went to war with one another- trying to one up the other- the blood bruises littered their necks and collarbones.
Kate paused when she got to his neck noticing beep purple and red splotches in random… or not so random places. She titled his chin up and to the side to get a better look, "Niko, Jesus. What happened?!" She softly brushed her fingertips over a prominent one at the junction of his neck and collarbone. It looked like someone had rubbed sandpaper over his skin and she felt tears spring up with the mental image that brought.
"The shack we were being tortured in blew up." Niko effortlessly lied as his eyes landed on the enlarged crest of Kenny Petrovic over her breast. It was distracting enough as it brought home a couple of other mood killing thoughts. He was to take his rightful place at the table… With her at his side hopefully.
'It's just that easy to lie, isn't it?'
"My God, Niko! They are everywhere!" Kate worked the velcro straps open over his shoulders to see that the bruising travelled down the front of his neck to his chest. Deeper purple was spotted further down, and she dropped her hands to his side to open the straps to his vest… 'Wait. Did he say tortured?!'
"It's not that big of a deal. I have been hurt worse than this." That was mostly true. He had suffered more severe attacks in the wars and then when fighting Natalya and her men. He had been shot multiple times in the vest and one managed to slip past. He honestly didn't feel anything sore or injured on his neck, so he was confused for a second till he remembered Karen had attacked his throat with her mouth. The noise of the velcro ripping open snapped him back to the present and he grabbed her hands to pause their movements.
"Niko. Let me take care of you for once… You. You were tortured. I can't even begin to imagine what happened. If it was anything like my own attack, then you definitely need someone to look at your injuries. You were so gentle and kind with my bite mark. Let me return the favor?" She kept her voice low so as not startle them away from one another. He had his off faraway look in his eyes, and it shredded what little confidence she held.
"Just. I'm not as bad off as Anton. My injuries are nothing compared to what you went through." Niko kept his grip over her hands at his sides and attempted to get her to let him remove the vest. He wasn't sure if his back looked as bad as it hurt. He had been shot and hit in the back several times when the Pavano's broke into the back entrance of the shack.
"I wasn't the one tortured Niko. Why are you so defensive? Have I done something wrong?" Oh, how that question held her by the throat. It would make or break her depending on his answer. Her entire balance hung by a tattered thread, much like the remains of his dress shirt. From what she could see it looked like this shirt had been ripped open and shredded down the sleeves. Had someone done that to get to his skin to harm him?!
"You have been Kate." Niko forced himself to look up into her eyes and acknowledge that he had failed in keeping her safe that night in October. She had been held captive and sexually assaulted by the hands of his enemies. While he hadn't been the one taking the punches in the shack, he had been struck with bullets, knives, fists, and shoes. The telltale signs of a brawl littered his body. Not the buckshot of a shotgun slug like Anton had suffered from.
"Yes, but answer my question. You keep pulling away. Stopping me from touching you. What have I done?" Kate pulled her hands free and cupped his cheeks looking down into his stone walled eyes. They looked like they did the first time they went out. He had been cautious and careful in what he spoke about. Then the drinks started free flowing. His temper showed itself when he told her to get off of him.
That memory derailed her completely.
The way he had spoken and acted- it mirrored the way he had snapped at her just a moment ago. Clearly, she had done something wrong. So wrong that he was acting like they weren't friends, lovers, or the couple they were. He felt rigid beneath her and not at all the usual relaxed and welcoming man he had been with her. Her sob got lodged in her throat. Tangled in the barbed wire that still wove its way around her neck.
Her tears began to fall again, and she slowly slid free from his lap and took a couple of steps back before turning away from the stoic sight he made.
"I truly want to believe you aren't holding anything against me… But you aren't exactly giving me a reason to believe. I really am sorry for losing the baby and for almost dying. I didn't want any of that to happen. I was overjoyed with the idea of having your child. Niko you've opened my eyes to the world and for once I had felt no fear when walking down this path with you. Now I am terrified that we will never get back to the bliss we held." Kate hugged her body and hunched in on herself.
"I am so scared Niko. I feel alone." She sobbed the words and felt her breakdown begin.
Niko sat too stunned to move. She thought he was distant due to her miscarriage? Where had she formed that thought from? He shifted forward to lean over his knees. He hadn't meant for her to go down the blame road but here she was crying her heart out because she thought he was pulling away from her. He needed to fix this. And so many other things between them. But for right in this moment, he needed to get her to understand he didn't think the way she was.
"You are never alone Kate." He stood from the side of the bed and ripped open the vest, letting the heavy material drop to the floor, and yanked what was left of his shirt off. He approached on silent feet and pulled her into his arms, guiding her under his chin. All his own doubts and fears bled away at how she buried herself into his body. His arms encircled her and held on for dear life, "Shh now Лепа (Lepa). Your tears break me."
Kate cried harder at the words he used that first night they spent together after her rescue. His arms held her so tightly as if he was afraid she would melt down to the floor. Relief at feeling him initiating touch was so large that her knees did buckle and had him catch her. She returned his embrace fiercely and couldn't find the strength to stop crying, "Please don't leave me."
"Never Kate. I will not leave. Not unless you tell me to." He repeated the words he had given to her when he swore to himself that he was hers as much as she was his. They had gone further than he was expecting after shopping for the wedding. And he knew deep down in his soul he could never leave her. She was his beacon on the shoreline. A warmth that fought off the cold winters and nights spent in the army. The sunlight that graced his body with love.
"Even- Even if that means you become Kenny. Fully?" She refused to look up from his chest. The question had quieted her spiraling thoughts. It was also a question to herself. Would she be okay if they remained in their roles for an extended amount of time? Could she look the other way when things needed to be done that hedged on right and wrong? Her whole life had been one protest of illegal activity. And now?
Now she was leaning toward one answer, hoping he would agree with her heart.
"Kate. I'm going to be forced to assume Kenny's role permanently. There is only one way out and that's to back out now… But I fear if we do, we'd lose the protection we have. The Bratva would need to move on without us, and that means not including us. I hate to put such a large decision on you right now, Kate. But I will do whatever it is you wish. We stay or we leave. This isn't up to only me." Niko stroked over her back and loathed the way he was feeling. Such a finite decision should be discussed when they both weren't suffering as much as they were.
"Niko… Don't ask that of me. I can't answer that." Kate shook her head from its tucked position against his body. It was her greatest fear. That this would be left out for her to choose. She wanted to hear him say what he wanted and go along with it. That was the safer choice. A comfortable one. One that didn't put her entire life in perspective.
"Not tonight. But in the morning we should talk about it." He smoothed over her hair and coaxed her to look up to him, "Either way I get to be with you and that's all I care about." That was his truth. He knew that no matter where they were, so long as they were together, he would be happy and satisfied. He didn't need the senseless killing and missions. Preferred to relax and spend time with Kate than running all over town, just to turn around and repeat it the next day.
His running from the law and criminals was coming to an end. He was getting sick of the close calls. The thought of spiriting them away to Ireland to just be them started to hold merit. They could assume new names, be whoever they wanted to be, maybe even build a house on the coast, and just sit on the porch and watch the waves crash against the shore. Peace. That's what he really wanted. But he knew he was waging war against the Albanians and the Pavanos. There was no peace down this road.
"I just want to be with you. I don't care if that makes us criminal royalty or whatever. So long as I'm at your side- I am safe and happy. I-I… I love you, Niko. I want us to find our slice of heaven and function outside of decisions and battles. Look at yourself. You're so beat up…" Her wet eyes dropped away from his breathtaking face to study the bruises that littered his skin. Everywhere she looked was a new bruise and a cut. Thankfully nothing looked too dangerous…
"Do you remember what I asked you in this very apartment? If… If you were not- pregnant. Is that something you want? I mean in the future… With me?" Niko tucked some of her hair behind her ear and locked eyes with hers. He could see the panic and fear rising the longer she took in his appearance, and he wanted to curb that before it grew to be overpowering.
"And my answer is still the same- If you were to ask me right this second to marry you, or to stop birth control completely, I wouldn't hesitate. It's a yes." Kate looked back and forth between his eyes for the reason he was bringing this up now. It was like he was trying to get the answer from her for his burning question. And she felt the stress rise with having…
…to tell him she wanted to stay in the Bratva.
"Then stay with me Kate. Give me a chance to make all this right so we can have a family in the future. I promise on my life that I will figure out our situation and get us to that life we both want." He leaned down and kissed her forehead, "We share an oath… And on my dying breath I swear myself to you." His heart gave a painful thump with his words. He had meant what he said when they made their own oath. And he had broken it. Broken them. And she had no clue how deep his anguish ran.
"I am with you, моја љубав (moja ljubav)." Kate felt a couple of tears tumble down her cheeks, "I have so much I want to say Niko, but I don't know where to start." She focused on slowing her rapid breathing. Last thing she felt like doing to herself was getting overworked and find herself unable to speak the words that needed to be said. After everything she had been through all she could keep thinking was how much she loved the man before her and how much she wanted their lives to be one. Before God.
"I love you so much Kate. I don't know what I would do without." He kissed her forehead again and hugged her closer to his body, shuddering in relief when her arms snaked around his middle and held on for dear life.
"Take my heart Niko, love me forever and I will never leave your side. My loyalty is to you and only you. Because of you, I can feel myself slowly but surely becoming the me I have always dreamed of being." Kate smiled in his arms and sighed heavily to remove the burden from her shoulders, "I feel like Georgi and everyone else has been calling me a title of some kind… Yet you have not. Do I hold a different meaning to you than whatever they are calling me?"
"Высочество (Vysochestvo)? It means Highness. Like how I am called Pakhan or boss. They look up to you in respect. And while I look to you with respect, I love you and much rather enjoy calling you all kinds of names in Serbian." He chuckled when she laughed outright.
"Highness? Lord above. But if it means I'm your partner, then I'm okay with it." She removed one of her hands from his back to wipe away the tears that continued to simply fall. Just how much more did she have to cry out? It felt like an endless chasm. Pain, suffering… Love, hope. It all swirled within her and for the life of her she couldn't land on one emotion for very long before a new one took its place.
"It gives you equal power. You'd be at the head of the table with me. Be absolutely sure this is what you want before I tell Georgi to confirm your title." He grew serious as he realized she had just basically said she was okay with him being Kenny and her at equal power.
"Mrs. Bellic has a nice ring to it." She nearly beamed up at him with her words. She could care less what her title was going to be within the Bratva, so long as it meant she could still be with him. Had she not been fulfilling that role already? She had-
"Niko I… I need to tell you something." Kate's smile faltered as images of shooting Ziad came to the forefront of her mind.
"What's that?" Niko leaned down slightly to get closer to her level afraid of what her next words were going to be. He had been overjoyed at hearing his last name slip past her lips. Flashes of her wearing Mallorie's robe before the wedding swam before his eyes and he longed to see it on her again.
"I shot someone." Kate untucked herself from his body and gripped his hands, "I did the one thing I didn't think I was capable of… Will this somehow change things between us?" If she was being honest with herself, things had already changed between them with her actions. She had killed someone. Granted she was being attacked, but that didn't make it any less profound.
"Georgi told me. I am so incredibly sorry you had to defend yourself like that. I failed you." He turned his hands within her grasp in order to take her tiny ones in his, "I should've been here to protect you."
"Don't say that. I had Georgi. And had I just stayed in bed like I should have, then Ziad wouldn't have been shot. I will say it looked like they were all fighting to the bitter end instead of training. Which is why I aimed the gun. I just wanted them to stop." Kate lifted their joined hands and folded her fingers between his, fascinated by how dainty her hands looked in his.
"It's an unfortunate circumstance. One that will be delt with soon. I can't allow in house fighting, that doesn't do us any good… How are you feeling about it all?" He let her move their hands and studied her for signs of distress. She had killed someone. Something he had long ago overcome. This was new for her, and he could tell she hadn't spent any time trying to process it.
"I don't know how to feel. Part of me thinks the cops are going to knock down the door any second and arrest me." She rolled her eyes at the absurd thought of her brother storming in here and putting her in handcuffs. 'Handcuffs. NO!'
She let a massive shudder rock her body as thoughts of being in cuffs again scared her senseless.
"No one is going to do such a thing." Niko cupped her face and tilted her back up to look at him, "You were defending yourself and nothing more. You did what you had to do in order to survive. Francis knows better than to arrest his own sister. If anything, you probably got more sway in the LCPD than I do." He softly snorted at his comment. But the more he thought about it, the more he realized she would have the entire LCPD on her side should something ever come of it.
"Fuck. I can't believe he is dead because of me. So much death…" Kate wobbled on her feet and had Niko bolstering her up once more.
"Don't go down that road. Trust me. Nothing pretty lays ahead of that string of thoughts." Niko knew better. Had been down that lonely and isolating road. How many had he shot to death out west? Bodies were bound to be littering the desert just outside of the airport. Buzzards circling above for their next meal.
"I'll have to at some point Niko. I can't live without ever acknowledging it. It is part of me no different than me losing the baby. It is something I will face each day I wake up… But at least I will have you here to lean on when it gets rough." She trailed her hands up his arms to rest on his shoulders, "So long as you will have me."
Niko invaded her personal space and kissed her deeply, "I will always be here for you." He whispered the words against her lips as he threaded his fingers through her fragile hair.
"I used to be scared of what-ifs. But every time I take your hand, I'm more excited for the future than scared." She lowered her hands to rest on his forearms, her left hand sliding back to lay over his ring. It was her silent communication that things were okay if he chose to take on the role fully. She was ready to let go. To take the deep dive with him for the rest of her life. They had already crossed several treacherous bridges and here they were- hurting and healing together.
"Be my partner." Niko pulled away to allow a small space to form between them. His eyes sought out hers to see if she understood the double meaning. That it wasn't just partners in crime. But partners in life and love. He needed her by his side more than she could ever know. The distance had almost killed them both and he would never allow her to be away from his side for prolonged periods of time. He could take the sign for what it was- they were meant to be with one another.
"I am." She answered in the same soft, tender tone he had used, too afraid to break the spell over them. Her eyes dropped to his lips and waited to have them pressed to her own again. To feel him surrendering to her, as she does every time, they are alone. 'Ask me Niko… You know my answer…'
"Always?" Niko held her firmly between his hands and darted his eyes to the side of her head where her hand rested over Kenny's ring. Sorry. Niko's ring. He let his thoughts wander for a second about the reality of now being Kenny- instead of just playing the role for the time being. His enemies would gun hard for them. But he was ready and prepared to take this challenge on.
"Always Niko." It was his favorite word in her eyes. He used it when he was serious with her, and it allowed her to trust in him. He only ever used the phrase when it was just them. It was a constant. A pillar to rest against. Her smile took on an emotionally charged look and she turned her face to be pressed against his chest, "I can hear your heart beating. I can tell something is bothering you below the surface. Worse than what you are letting me know. Are you stuck in the darkness you've run from your whole life? If so… I will stay in the darkness with you."
"I don't live in darkness Kate; darkness lives in me." Niko held her tightly to his body. He had his honest answer from her. She would be with him through thick and thin. In sickness and health. She gave him equivalated loyalty. She had spoken truth when she made her oath to him… And he had broken it. Sickness swelled inside him.
"Then I will stay… in your darkness-"
"Don't ever try to get inside my head. It's too dark for you." So many things lived inside that could do her serious harm. More like people- Karen, Derrick, Francis, Packie. Karen had attempted to get him to break in that motel room. He had convinced himself it was some kind of tactic she ran in order to get people to comply with her. It had been too convenient and perfectly timed. She knew his vulnerable state and took advantage of him.
"Yet in your eyes, holds all the sadness of the world. Your pleading eyes that both threaten and adore. Those same eyes that told me of your love." Kate reached up with her right hand and cupped his cheek. She had seen him try to throw his walls back up at her words but gave him his own pleading look. To confirm or deny what it was they had between each other. He was not the monster he claimed to be.
"My demons, though quiet in your presence, are never quite silenced. Calm as they may be, they wait patiently for a reason to greet you, take an overdue breath of your willingness, and crawl back into me for control. Damaging everything in their wake. My broken soul that has conceived one wickedness can nurse no good either." Even in the darkness corners of his mind, voices spoke of how she didn't belong with his damaged person. She belonged in the light. Safe, secure, and protected. In his darkness only resided pain, fear, and remorse.
"Do you truly believe that? I believe I explained on the plane to you that you are not an evil monster. Or a monster at all. You don't stalk me down and try to extinguish my hope. My hope rests in you. Niko you keep telling yourself you are this horrible person- but I see you! I've seen the man capable of love, compassion, and heartache. You don't give yourself any credit." Kate hardened her eyes, determined to show him once and for all he wasn't this exiled lone killer meant to walk the streets looking for the next payday.
"If… If I could give you one thing in life… I would give you the ability to see yourself through my eyes, only then would you realize how special you are to me." Niko knew she had blind trust and loyalty to him. If there was ever a definition of love, it was her. She gave him so much. Everything. And asked for the same in return… But could he truly give that to her? He had already messed up once. What if he found himself in another similar situation? Would he be strong enough to stop it from going anywhere? Like he should have stopped Karen from ever even making a move on him.
"I could say the same to you. If only you could see things from my point of view. Niko, please promise me you will try to see you through my eyes. To see the man who has changed my life for the better." God how she loved him. She was half tempted to ask him to marry her just to get the formalities out of the way. But knew better. Things needed to be talked through and a ton of healing needed to take place before they should cross that bridge. As much as she didn't want to wait around for the right moment. If there was such a thing.
"You will forever own a piece of me that I can never take back. Wouldn't want to. I don't know how to be anything, but a man starved for your light. I just didn't think someone like you could ever love someone like me." They shared heated stares letting the warmth build them up from the cold darkness below. His fingers stung with the want to comb through her hair as they made love. To see her vibrant and in ecstasy.
"We have to love one another through the storms, if we want to see blue skies again." Kate spoke softly and sighed internally when his lips landed on hers in a yearning kiss. It felt charged, electric, as if they waited another moment to kiss the moment would've been lost forever. She felt his fingers tangle into her hair and felt the moan press against her rib cage. He was slow, sensual in his approach and she melted between his hands.
"Боже, волим те Kate. (Bože, volim te Kate)." Niko breathed the words against her lips before moving to kiss her cheek, working his way to her ear, "How did I get so lucky?"
"I'm the lucky one. Ever heard of 'luck of the Irish'?" Kate let a bemused smile grace her lips, tilting her head to give him access to her neck, closing her eyes when his lips landed on her pulse point.
"Mmm maybe. I'd say we are both lucky to have one another." Niko languidly placed open mouth kisses to her warming skin and slid his hands down her body to rest on her hips. His lips curled into a playful smirk when she scooted closer to him and opened her neck more for him. He thought he heard his phone ringing but chose to ignore it and focus on the woman in his arms.
"I hate to be the one to sour where this is going, but your phone is ringing, and it might be important." Kate maneuvered away from his intoxicating lips and looked up to see the haze clouding his eyes. Part of her scolded herself for even voicing those words, but the other half, the one who feared for the lives of Niko's captains, spoke up and encouraged him to go find the ringing device. It was a ringtone she hadn't heard before and was curious as to when he switched the sound file.
"It can wait. I have more important things to worry about right now. I told Georgi to keep everyone away till morning." Niko pouted some with having his fun interrupted. It wasn't like he was expecting someone to call him. Then he listened to the sound more closely and realized it wasn't his normal phone ringing.
"Niko you have more responsibility than just little ol' me. Go answer it and I'll get you some clean clothes to change in to." Kate patted his chest softly, afraid to add too much pressure and end up hurting him. She watched as he shook his head and moved toward where he had dumped his phone on the counter in the kitchen. Once his back was visible, she gasped loudly, "Niko! Your back!"
"I know, I know. It's bad. Hang on while I answer this. Then you can help me clean up…" Niko reached the kitchen bar and saw an unknown number flashing as the caller. He wanted to chew out Bernard for not getting back to him sooner, but this could also be a wrong number. His fingers trailed over the screen trying to remember if he had saved Bernard's number in the phone or if there was nothing in the contacts list. Either way the phone was still ringing incessantly.
Niko lifted the phone and swiped the arrow over to answer the call on the touch screen, "Да (Da)?"
"You are one tough person to track down, Niko Bellic. First, I hear you've taken over for Kenny and the next thing I know you are mowing down people in San Andreas with some crazy nut job!" The familiar voice in Serbian calmed some of Niko's nerves. Some.
"Speak for yourself. Nice agent you got out here trying to ruin everything between me and my life." Niko heatedly snapped the words in rushed Serbian and held his hand out to Kate when she went to move toward him. He lowered the phone and whispered, "It's my IAA contact. I have to take this. Can you maybe get a bath going?" And boy did a bath sound great right about now. It would relax his tight muscles and help get his racing mind to slow down for a second.
"She has gone rouge. It is why I'm calling. She hasn't checked in with me in over a week. And now I'm getting reports that she might be on the wrong side of the law." Bernard sighed heavily over the line.
"My law or the actual law?" Niko was curious now. Was she being forced into acting out? She had been rather precise on what she did and didn't say to him. Other than dropping the bomb about knowing he killed Derrick.
"Both by the sounds of it. What did she do?" Bernard's voice dropped into his serious tone, and it made Niko relieved to know that this wasn't some deflecting joke or lame roundabout way of getting information.
"She tried to sleep with me then kill me." Thank God Bernard spoke Serbian because he would not be able to explain that sentence to Kate. He glanced in the direction of the bathroom when he heard the tub come to life. She reappeared in the entranceway and walked over to his suitcase to find clean pajamas.
"Fucking hell! I have other agents tracking her down now. Are you okay?" Bernard genuinely sounded shocked at his agent's actions.
"No. But with time, maybe. What do you mean rouge?" Niko walked into the living room and plopped down on the sofa. He scrubbed his hand through his hair and stared up at the ceiling. Just what was she thinking going rogue? What was there to gain by doing so? He thought she had been loyal to him and the Bratva. Even down to when he held a gun to her head.
"She was working on that sex trafficking ring out of Hove. Actually got marked and brought in. She's one tough agent but I fear she's been turned. Even undercover there is some room for leniency, but not with mandatory check ins. And her information had turned up false leads and dead ends. The higher ups are furious. This ring is somehow smuggling women and money stateside without a trace. Again. This isn't your problem, but I got a report of her clearing a fighter jet from Fort Zancudo and that sent a major red flag up the chain of command."
"That fighter jet saved our lives. We were ambushed by the Angels of Death and the Pavanos." Niko dropped his hand to the couch next to him and looked to his side when Kate joined him, silently asking if she could get him anything else.
"That's good. Even if it was highly illegal and not sanctioned by the military or IAA. The Pavanos going to be a major problem for you?" Bernard chuckled at hearing Karen had called in the strike to save Niko.
"No. The Pavanos aren't going to know what hit them. I plan on renegotiating their terms with Kenny this weekend." Niko held her hand when she dropped hers down to his. He shook his head when she mouthed the words 'this weekend'.
"Valentine's Day? I'm guessing you got into the mayor's ball. Masquerade party. Should be fun. I'll be there with my boss and a coworker. Perhaps Kenny would like to hop in bed with the IAA?" This time Bernard did laugh when Niko snorted at his comment.
"I think the IAA has too many people in the bed. I'd be taking up room. Thanks for the heads up. I do appreciate it." Kate smiled at him, squeezed his hand, then went back to the bathroom to check on the running water, "She did a number on me. I almost killed her."
"You might live to regret not pulling the trigger. If she has turned, then we have a whole other problem about to be dropped on our doorstep. She knows too much to be set free. Trade secrets. IAA higherups locations and offices. Safe houses. Agents in the field. The list goes on and on. For what it is worth, I am sorry she got to you before I could warn you. How did she get to you?"
"She was at the handler's apartment in Hove. I was tracking them down to kill them for the hit placed on me, my friends, and family. And she was in the unit when I arrived on the scene." Niko slouched down further on the couch and felt that odd sense of knowing come over him. Just how did she know to look for the handler and be there at the exact time he was going to kick the door down?
Kate emerged from the bathroom and started to rummage through the numerous gift baskets, pulling items free and either placing them back or tucking them in her arm. He watched her curiously as she frowned at a label on a bottle, twisted it open to smell, and smiled at whatever it was that was in the glass bottle.
"She shouldn't have been there. We had no information to go off of. Only what Kate had called us about. By the way? Congressman Stubbs needs to have a little talking to about digging in other people's private lives. If you catch my drift." Bernard held that tone that said he meant business and to heed his words. It was a warning Niko shouldn't ignore.
"Understood. I'll keep you updated on things, but I've had one hell of a forty-eight hours and could use a good night's sleep." That was the honest truth. He had been hung over when resting and it did nothing to recoup his body the rest it truly needed. And sleeping with Kate in his arms sounded so good right about now. He spotted her ducking back into the bathroom with several items in her arms, a bounce in her step as she disappeared from view. A small smile graced his lips at seeing her act normally.
"I won't keep you. Stay in touch and I'll relay what I can from our end. Take care and tell Kate I said hi." Bernard grew thoughtful for a moment before getting serious again. He wasn't expecting his agent to go against his word and betray the IAA like this. And he did slightly miss the interactions with Niko and Kate. It would be beyond fascinating to see how Niko holds himself under the weighted title of Pakhan. This weekend was bound to be one exciting experiences for everyone involved.
"Yeah, take care." Niko hung up the phone and scrubbed over his face. Things were starting to make more sense as to why she crossed the line between them. She had gone against her employer and was doing who knows what with who. It was worrisome to say the least.
"How is he?" Kate leaned into the wall between the bedroom space and the living room, pants missing.
"He said hi…" Niko's body heated seeing her bare legs. She had that playful smirk lifting the sides of her mouth and it had him standing from the couch between one breath and the next. He approached her rapidly and kissed those teasing lips of hers.
"That's nice. I have your bath ready…" Kate sighed when his hands bunched into her shirt over her hip bones. The usual pull below her navel greeted her and it sent a wave of relief over her body. No warning flags. No voices telling her to wait or to hold off. And after the ordeal they had both been through- making love felt right to her.
"Are you joining me?" His voice dropped to a husky scrape against her skin as he kissed his way down her neck, moving her shirt to the side to find her place. The one that made his name part from her lips in an angelic voice. The breathy moan of his name as he slid in and out of her.
"Of course. I'm not about to let a perfectly good bath go to waste." She shivered under his touch and felt the coil twist inside painfully. It caused her to wince at the level of pain and she placed her hands on his shoulders to get him to stop for a second.
"Everything okay?" He instantly stopped with her touch and leaned up to look to her face for signs of distress. He had felt her stiffen when he reached her sweet spot.
"I'm just still really sore." It was her greatest fear. That being intimate was going to be difficult and painful. The soreness would come and go with her emotions and mental state. And now it was painfully vibrating below her belly button and causing her to want to hunch over with the cramps.
"Then let us bathe and cuddle in the bed?" He hoped she would still want to soak in the nice steamy bath he could smell out in the living room, and then sleep pressed up against one another. He needed the physical contact to keep his mind from spiraling down dangerous paths. Just her presence alone kept him from thinking about motel rooms in the desert and rundown shacks.
"Yes please." Kate groaned the words out as another cramp washed over her. She had felt good in the bath Georgi had made for her and another long soak sounded good to her sore and tired muscles. The heat soaking into her skin and warming her up from the inside out. The bath bombs and oils she had added smelled delicious and pleasant.
"Come on." Niko took her hand and moved them into the bathroom where a luxurious bath awaited them. Silently they undressed and stepped into the raised tub, sighing at the level of heat of the water. Together they lowered down and sunk down to their chins, letting another pleased sigh leave their lips.
"I think we need to invest into a larger bathtub at your apartment." Kate said as she shimmed in her seat to get comfortable. She felt his hand land on her calf and the excitement returned from earlier. His thumb pressed down on her ankle in a massaging motion, and she groaned loudly in the titled bathroom.
"I have the hot tub at my other place." He started to work his hand over her closest leg and smirked when her head dropped back to rest on the lip edge of the tub.
"Mmm that's true. Still waiting to get to use it." Two could play the game and she picked up his foot that was closest to her and started to massage it. She laughed at his absurd moan but kept at it knowing his feet were bound to be hurting. She had seen how scuffed up his dress shoes were and couldn't imagine running around in those things for an extended period of time.
"Oh don't stop Kate." He adjusted in himself in his seat and groaned when she started to knead into the ball of his foot. Her fingers were nimble, and firm and he was in absolute heaven. No one had ever touched his feet like this, and he was loving every second she kept up her stroking, massaging, and pressing of his extremely worn-out muscles.
"I'm guessing you were talking to your contact in the IAA about Karen? Is she okay? I haven't heard from her in over a week. She sounded like she was struggling with something." Kate used her nails as she scratched up his leg, smiling at the noises he kept making. Had she known he would turn to putty in her hands by simply rubbing his foot, she would've done this a lot sooner.
"Yeah. She's gone rouge apparently." He did not feel like talking about her right now. He was enjoying what Kate was doing to his foot and leg and didn't want to dwell on the IAA agent who had betrayed him.
"That's not good, Niko. Last I spoke to her it sounded like she was in trouble but wouldn't divulge into what. I hope she is okay." Kate felt her body go lax the second he picked up her foot and mimicked what she was doing to his foot, "Ohh never mind. That feels so good!"
'That's it. Forget her and don't mention her again… I'm not ready to talk about her to you just yet.' Niko smiled when she laughed and jerked her foot out of his grasp, "Oh? Does that tickle?"
"Yes!" Kate belly laughed when he went for her foot again and started to tickle the bottom of her foot, "Stop it! You're gonna make a mess of the bathroom!" She squealed and sloshed the bath water around as she tried to get free from his grip.
"Alright, alright. I give." He couldn't help but keep smiling at her breathless laughter. She looked younger and free when she laughed that way. Her eyes would crinkle at the corners and her smile was just breathtaking. He loved her in the moments even more. He had caused her to smile like that and that in itself was an award all its own.
"We are going to be okay, right Niko?" Kate let the laughter die out and fixed her gaze back on the love of her life. She wanted to hear him confirm it. That things were going to be okay in their special world.
"Yes Kate. We are okay and will keep being so. For as long as I breathe, I will always love you."
aaaaaa
My surgery didn't go according to plan, so I have to reschedule it. Lame. But that just means I have a little more time to work on my story again before the long road to recovery. Feels like a never-ending cycle now a days. Which is so minor compared to what is going on in the world right now. Breaks my heart every day. Y'all stay safe out there.