"I- hrmph. At least I don't have to worry about you getting pregnant."
"Dad!" I gasped, my face uncomfortably hot.
I instinctively glanced over at the backdoor.
"Sorry... Sorry!" Charlie floundered, "I'm just trying to make sense of all of... Everything. I mean, it's pretty out of the blue, Bella. I-I'm sorry," He ducked his head, hoping perhaps that the shadows cast from his thickly set brows would do away with the awkwardness that now choked us both.
"Wait, come to think of it... Is this why you were so mad about Jake?"
I stared him down incredulously. An early grave was seeming more and more hospitable - the urge to bury myself under copious amounts of dirt nearly overwhelming.
"Uh-," He lifted his eyes.
He searched frantically and landed on an unhelpful Alice.
"What am I supposed to say here?" His eyes darted between us both.
She just shrugged her shoulders, lifting a hand to pitifully stifle a giggle.
She failed, and I frowned.
"I suppose," Charlie stalled, lifting a heavy hand to pat at my shoulder, " Good going, kid?"
I groaned loudly, my eyes rolling into the back of my head.
"I think we're done here," I grunted, swallowing back a flurry of expletives, "Alice and I are going to my room now. Thank you. Bye."
I snatched her hand and hurriedly raced out of the kitchen and towards the stairwell.
To my relief, Charlie didn't follow.
It wasn't a good time to start setting ground rules, anyway. Not that Charlie would even know what to say or do about girls being up in my room. I doubt he'd ever thought they'd be a threat to his daughter's virtue. Not that I could even get Alice to jeopardize it, of course.
She caught me as I stumbled, my feet scuffing against the lip of the step, propping me back up like I was as light and maneuverable as a doll. I pushed back the shock and continued my flurried race towards sanctuary.
"So," Alice trilled after I pushed my door shut with more force than necessary, "I think that went surprisingly well."
"Are you kidding?" I snapped my head around, mouth agape, "That was a total train-wreck! He said, AND I QUOTE, 'At least you won't get pregnant?'"
"Um, Bella," Alice smirked, trailing her fingers over my bookshelf as she began to peruse, "Technically, he is right. I would take some naive practicality over burning you at the stake any day of the week. Especially when it is this amusing."
She edged towards me, her words joined by fingers eagerly tapping in rhythmic precision atop the tip of my nose, "That, of course, my dear, is the most important part."
I narrowed my eyes at her, fretting my lower lip. Her smugness remained irritatingly fixed upon angelic features.
"Why do you have to be so annoying?"
"Because it is fun. And because I know you will instantly forgive me."
She stepped closer, her cold fingers running over the hollow of my neck. Her new preoccupation, as it so often was, my flushed skin.
I let out a long and heavy sigh.
"Look," Alice continued, using the tips of her fingers to push against my jaw so I met her eyes, "It really is not so bad, love. Sure, embarrassing - but nothing terrible. I honestly thought you were worried he would be angry or...," She shook her head, "But, instead, this was what you feared most? You were just worried about awkwardness? You can be so utterly absurd, Bella."
I gritted my teeth and crossed my arms over my chest.
"I think it's perfectly reasonable, actually! My Father and I never talk about anything serious. It's terrifying to even think about opening up to him, let alone actually going ahead and doing it about something so- so-..."
My obstinate scowl deepened.
"-Now, we are going to have to spend days and days avoiding each other, just so we can restore some semblance of normalcy! That's not absurd, that's awful! Who wants to walk on eggshells in their own house?"
In my head, my argument had sounded a whole lot more mature and less ridiculous.
I could shift gears - I could admit to the ramble. But, since it was already out of my mouth and I was too frustrated to be anything but stubborn, I was just going to have to run with the word vomit.
No way was I letting Alice win this one.
"Bella, honey," Alice's expression warred with itself - bouncing between utter delight and a stark seriousness - her lips quirking ever so slightly at the corners, "Who even came up with these peculiar rules?"
"No one actually came up with them," I grumbled, dropping my eyes to the floor as I dragged my feet restlessly over carpet, "It just kind of became a thing. Like, whenever we'd say too much or something uncomfortable would happen, we'd just... I don't know? I'd leave Charlie alone and he'd do the same... we'd give each other some space. Time to forget about the whole thing. Well, hopefully. That's the point of it, anyway."
"You both might actually be the silliest humans I have ever had the good fortune of coming into contact with," She giggled, "You, I think, are the most silly of them all, though. Charlie could never hold a candle to how utterly silly and, might I say, adorable you are."
Something shifted. I couldn't quite place it at first. The air felt thicker. My skin bristling from electricity.
Her lashes fluttered lazily. Her gaze drifted between my lips, eyes, jawline, and hair. Her mouth slackened and became plump, parting as she inhaled a deep and prolonged lungful of air.
All had been forgotten. My stubbornness. My irritation. Everything entirely supplanted by something far more riveting and desirous.
"My life has irrevocably changed now, hasn't it?" I whispered, instinctively edging closer to her until I touched ice.
She watched me quietly, adoringly, leaning closer still.
"Is that a bad thing?" She skated her fingers over the inside of my wrist.
"No, I don't think so," I closed my eyes, nervously playing with the hem of her shirt.
"It's just weird. It feels like I have all of this control - control I've never had before - but, at the same time, I'm somehow not in control at all. It's an unusual feeling. Oddly... liberating."
"Well," Alice breathed, pressing herself into my side as she draped her arms around my waist, "I hear they call that love, baby."
"Mhm," I sighed, opening my eyes to meet emblazoned topaz, "But... But what I do, now?"
"Whatever you want to."
"Whatever I want to," I murmured back, a ghost of a sound, a ghost of a thought.
There was only one thing I wanted - one thing that I could ever want.
─── ･ ｡ﾟ : *. .* : ﾟ. ───
"Well, that was easy," Alice waltzed into my room, clicking the door shut behind her. She theatrically dusted off her clean hands, eyes twinkling.
"What, he actually agreed?" I closed my book, scooting over on the bed to make room. She glided down beside me, stealing the book from out of my hands so that she could sift through its contents.
"Of course! As per usual, my charm knows no bounds," She mused absentmindedly, "Wuthering Heights? Really? Heathcliff is utterly insufferable. You do not like him, do you?"
"I don't," I snatched the book back from her, sliding a bookmark between its pages before setting it aside on my bedside table, "I don't like it because I think Heathcliff and Catherine are healthy or right for each other or... whatever. I like it because it isn't. I mean, I like it because it's the opposite of what anybody should want, yet, they still do. I find the morbidity of it all kind of fascinating."
"You find it interesting that people love each other when, arguably, they should not?" Alice nestled closer, adjusting herself so that she was pressed into my side.
She stared intently. My breath hitched.
"Yes, and no," I ran my fingers through my hair, "To me, I think it's a testament to how powerful love can be. Whether it's right or wrong, love has a way of prevailing. I think in most cases love can be really beautiful. But no one likes to talk about the times where it isn't... you know, beautiful. I like that Wuthering Heights does."
"Hmm," Alice ran her fingers through the length of my hair, and tucked a few strands behind my ear, "What do you think about our love? Is it beautiful?"
"It is," I turned to face her, brushing our noses and inhaling her air, "I wouldn't stay if I thought it wasn't."
"Why not? Heathcliff did. Even when Catherine left, he stayed. Even when she died, he stayed."
"He was weak - he wasn't able to let go and he tortured Catherine for it. I-I could never be like that. He loved her more for himself when he should have loved her more than himself. He couldn't live without her, and that destroyed her as much as it destroyed him. I think if you love someone properly - if you love them completely - you wouldn't hurt them in order to keep yourself from drowning. At worst, you'd drown for them. You... wouldn't hold them under the water just to get one more gasp of air. That's too cruel a fate."
"Yet," Alice laughed, "You still like this book? What a scathing review!"
"I told you," I peppered a few kisses along the corner of her lips, drifting down to her jaw, "I don't like it because it's right or because it's good. I like it because it's honest."
"Mhm, yet you like me, the vampire, because I am right and I am good? How peculiar."
"That's right," I pulled back, brow furrowing, "I love you. Why is it so hard to fathom that I can like Wuthering Heights and still love you for the right reasons?"
"It is not," She sighed.
She avoided my eyes for the briefest moment.
"I was just checking. I do not want you to ever feel like I am your Heathcliff. Heaven forbid!" She paused briefly to mock-wretch, "I think that would kill me. He is a total asshole."
"You're not my Heathcliff. You're Alice. My Alice," My fingertips brushed over her collarbone, featherlight.
She leaned back down into the bed and I moved to hover over her, no space between us ever permissible.
She looked up, a tentative smile softening her eyes. Her hand glossed over my cheek before trailing around to the nape of my neck and pulling me down into a slow, languid, kiss.
"Our relationship isn't sick, Alice. It's just strange," I mumbled against her mouth, unable to pull myself away.
She didn't respond, and instead hummed appreciatively. She ran her fingers through my hair, caressing the back of my scalp and warming me with the chill of moving lips. I sighed contentedly.
"So, how did you convince Charlie? I'm surprised," I chuckled, resting my forehead on hers once our lips stilled, "I never thought my Father would be so... libertarian."
"Truly, I think I was just riding the coattails of his embarrassment - he was more than willing to accommodate," She smirked, "I cannot imagine that he will let me stay every night of the week, but, for now, we thankfully have his approval."
"And when we don't?" I frowned, anxiety quick to lick at the base of my stomach.
"Then, I suppose, I will just have to sneak myself in, no?" She poked her tongue out, catching it between her teeth.
I let out a breath I didn't know I'd been holding.
"That suits me."
Her eyes glinted under the soft lamplight, before suddenly dulling.
"If you do not mind my asking... something has been bothering me for a while," Alice broached, her voice drawing back in on itself.
"You can ask me anything, Alice. Anything at all," I replied quickly.
"You had a choice, between your Mother and Father, yet you chose your Mother. I remember that you mentioned that it was the most logical option, but I feel as if there is more to the story."
I was quiet. Lost in thought.
Trying to think of the right way to explain myself. The perfect way. The way that didn't make me look vulnerable, or pitiable.
Alice took it as avoidance.
"Charlie may be awkward, but he is not a reprobate. Actually, I think he is kind of sweet, in an oddly repressed-emotions kind of way," She continued, nervously trying recoup imagined losses.
I bit down on my lip, attempting fruitlessly to contain myself.
"If that's not the best description I've ever heard," I wheezed, failing miserably, "I don't know what is."
She smiled shyly, chewing the corner of her lip. She hadn't meant to be funny, but still seemed pleased with herself nonetheless.
"I love your laugh," She murmured under her breath.
Moving away from the butterflies in my stomach, and the idea she had in her head that I was trying to avoid the topic, I admitted the truth.
"I chose Mom because she needed me more than Charlie. It sounds stupid saying it out loud. I was so young, how could I have possibly known who needed who more and so on and so on. But a part of me just knew. She's always needed someone to hold herself together and, if that couldn't be my Father, I figured it was my job for it to be me. The way she looked at me. The way she spoke to me. It was as if no part of her could ever think about - let alone speak - the idea that I'd go anywhere else but with her. There was never any doubt in who would get me in the divorce. Charlie knew, and I knew. It was an unspoken given."
"But, that is just so unfair!" Alice balked.
"Mm, I guess. But when is life fair? We all have to pay a price - some more than others. I like to think that what happened, what I've been through, and what I gave up, wasn't so bad," My words more for myself than for Alice, "I could let the divorce bother me - the injustices of it all - or I can just move on. I'd rather move on and say that I learned something, than say that it hurt me and that's all it will ever do."
I admired her snow-white skin and delicate features - a brief reprieve from painful memories - as she looked out my bedroom window, cold fingers still leaving their rhythmic chill up and down my sides.
She eventually turned back to me to run her hand down my arm, conciliatory, and yet, unapologetically possessive.
It felt like she touched me, not just because she wanted to help smooth over the pain; Rub and caress it away. But also because if she touched me, felt me, she could confirm that I was okay.
And I was. With her, I always was.
"Not many people are wise enough to have an outlook like that, especially about the things that matter most," She whispered.
"Perhaps not. I wouldn't know," I joked, flicking my eyes away, "I do what I do because I must. It's not that big of a deal. Mom hurts me, a lot. I'd be lying if I said that it didn't. It really cuts deep sometimes. But I don't even think she knows why she does the things she does as much as I don't know why I do what I do. I forgive her. I can't forget, but I do forgive her. Wishing that I'd stayed with Charlie won't make things any better."
"I am not saying that it would have," Alice sighed, nuzzling herself a little closer, winding herself around my torso until stone and flesh were indistinguishable, "But I do not like knowing that you have had to struggle on your own. I do not think you have really ever had anybody to lean on - anybody to listen. Someone who is always there for you and who you can truly depend on. That makes me sad. That makes me so incredibly sad, Bella."
I turned, placing a kiss into her naturally perfumed hair.
"I'm not alone anymore."
─── ･ ｡ﾟ : *. .* : ﾟ. ───
"I. Hate. Your. Truck."
"Alice, you didn't have to drive it," I jumped out of the cabin, my hood pulled forward as grey clouds bathed the parking lot in both shadow and drizzling rain.
"No. But if I had not, we would have gone even slower and that would have been intolerable," She walked around the front of the car to stand beside me, a hand snaking across the small of my back to squeeze my hip.
She pulled me in close, and I let out a nervous rush of air.
She'd touched me numerous times before during school - some touches seemingly platonic, other times they were harder to brush off as just the affections of a close friend. But, regardless, she'd always found a reason - a way to reach out and connect.
This time, it felt different.
This time, her touch weighed heavier than usual. This time, she was openly claiming me to all that dared look.
"Are you ready?" She asked, her eyes flickering for a millisecond to the school buildings across the lot.
I knew what she was really asking.
"Yes, I'm ready."
Alice glanced around surreptitiously, before reaching under the fender of my truck and, as if she was smoothing out a crinkled piece of paper, popped the dented metal back into place.
I opened my mouth to speak but nothing came out. She sought to distract me, no doubt... But I was far too gone.
I wrapped my jacket around myself even tighter, pretending that I was only trying to keep the cold and the rain at bay, and walked towards the grey-cast building that loomed ahead of us. Alice stayed by my side, her touch - her claim - firm and unyielding. As much as it terrified me, I did like it.
I liked, in no small way, that people would soon know that I was hers.
That she was mine.
We stopped out front of the main building and Alice turned to me, her expression attentive.
"I will see you at lunch?" She asked, taking a step closer, her fingers ghosting underneath the sleeve of my jacket and glancing my wrist before pulling back.
"Yeah," I nodded, my mouth growing dry once I realized that, just as I'd feared, everyone was staring. My eyes darted across the parking lot. It felt like I could see millions of beady eyes scrutinizing and picking us apart.
"Bella," Alice murmured, gripping my chin and lightly tugging so that my focus snapped back to her, "Can I kiss you?"
"Y-yes," I stammered - my eyes glued to hers yet my mind still racing from the curious gawping.
"You know," Alice whispered, coming closer so that our bodies skimmed, her hands gliding over my sides as she brushed her lips across my ear, "Why not give them a show?"
Her lips crashed into mine and I gasped at the biting chill that quickly seared its way through my skin and pressed firmly into the flush of my mouth.
I wrapped my arms around her, my hands finding the small of her back as I pressed her closer. Our lips moved slow and lazily at first, teasing and soft. But then came fire.
I was dizzy, so consumed by her touch that thoughts of school, ogling peers, even the ground beneath my feet, evaporated into the foreground like smoke.
I ran my tongue over her lower lip and felt her shiver in my arms, a soft moan - quiet enough for only me to hear - vibrating its way into my mouth.
She pulled away with a breathless chuckle, resting her forehead against mine.
"Quite the show," Alice mused, lifting her head to catch my eyes, "You make it so hard to stop."
"Couldn't help it," I breathed, my cheeks reddening, "I never can."
Although I resented it, we were both bidden by clashing timetables and schooling's unavoidable disdain for tardiness. One last kiss - chaste this time - and we parted ways.
Once my eyes drifted from her trailing brown overcoat and skin-tight jeans, I soon became deftly aware of the audience that still remained transfixed. I also could hear the rushed whispers that, to my horror, contained nothing good.
I walked briskly in the direction of my class. It seemed that no matter how fast I walked I couldn't escape my peers' watchful gaze and 'tsked' gossip.
I lurched forward into the classroom - nearly tripping across flat linoleum - certain that the words "lesbian" and "Cullens" had tried to follow their way into the room after me.
"So, is it true?"
"I heard-"
"I didn't think she dated anyone?"
"Yeah the Cullens-"
"Who's a lesbian?"
"What? There's two?"
"Maybe one of them will date me."
"Really? With the new girl?"
Disjointed, yet ever-flowing. A constant stream of scandalous conversation.
Scalding heat burned its way up from my chest, its flames reaching up to lick at my hairline before burrowing into my scalp.
It felt like my whole body was on fire.
I couldn't breathe.
They were all looking at me. They were talking about me. All of them.
I swallowed.
My eyes darted aimlessly - from desk to desk, person to person. No matter where I looked, I was accused. I wanted the floor to open up and swallow me whole.
"Bella," Angela appeared out of nowhere, her face pinched with concern.
She wrapped her hands firmly around my arms. Perhaps she thought I'd fall? I didn't blame her. The allure of pitch-blackness - collapsing onto cold hard ground - a much better prospect than facing further judgement.
I shook myself free of the thought; The embarrassment from fainting in front of classmates quickly subdued fluttering lids and swirling vision.
Perhaps I'd save blacking out for a later date.
"Bella," Angela repeated, "Are you okay?"
"Yeah," I nodded briskly - trying to convince myself as well, "Yeah I'm good. I guess my breakfast didn't agree with me."
"Do you want me to take you to the nurse's office?" Her brows puckered, perfectly in sync with her tightening grip.
"No, I'll be fine. I'm starting to feel better. Really. Don't worry about it," I shrugged out of her hold as politely as I could, offering her a grimace that I'd originally intended to be a reassuring smile.
"Hey, wait a second. When did you have trigonometry this period?" I stopped mid-step, turning back towards her.
"Oh," Angela eyed me for one baleful moment before caving, "I asked head office if I could change my schedule. Don't tell anybody this but-," She leaned in, careful to check for eavesdroppers, "Mike and Tyler were just way too loud. I couldn't focus and I really need good grades. Trig's my weakest subject and I'm hoping to get into MIT. I really didn't want to make a fuss about it to the guys so I-... Yeah, I just swapped classes."
She looked away sheepishly, twiddling her fingers together before returning my gaze, "Is that ridiculous?"
"MIT? No, I can totally see that. Or are you talking about escaping Mike and Tyler, because that's probably the most reasonable thing anyone could've done," My smile thankfully wasn't so much of a grimace this time, "Also don't worry, I won't tell the others. And, if it just stays between you and me," I leaned forward along with her, glancing around the room conspiratorially before whispering, "Those two are pretty annoying."
Angela giggled and a smile pricked at the corners of my lips. I watched her shoulders lose some of their tightness.
She forced her glasses back up the brim of her nose, "Come on, we can stick together and be study buddies!"
With Jessica off with special permission to work on an extracurricular project, I was glad to have some company. I'd gotten rather used to Jess's incessant yet oddly soothing commentaries.
It turned out that it was more than just a good thing that Angela had switched over to morning period. She'd not only saved me from a full-blown meltdown, but also had serious brains.
Despite trigonometry being her 'weakest subject', she understood the concepts far better than I did. She was a fast learner, too. I tried to keep up, but, begrudgingly, gave in and asked for help.
I would've felt more embarrassed about the knowledge gap if it weren't for her gentle candor and infectious enthusiasm.
"I might just get an A, after all," I laughed as we walked out the door.
"Bella, don't be silly," Angela rolled her eyes, ignoring the students brushing past us, "You know the material really well already. It's always better with two heads than one! And, obviously, you're gonna' get an A+."
"Thanks, Angela. I mean, you're too kind and totally lying, but, yeah, thanks!" I shrugged.
"Stop it!" She nudged my arm, clasping her textbook to her chest, "Anywho, guess I'll catch you later?"
"Yeah, definitely. See you at lunch!"
She walked down the hall before disappearing around the corner. I didn't know what it was - if Angela just had a way with easing people's spirits - but I couldn't hear any more gossip as I walked down the corridors and outside to the building next over.
I was sure they were all still there - the accusations, the rumours, the confusion, and the prejudice.
My mind wanted to fixate but I didn't let it.
If I was going to have a psychological break, I'd at least need Alice there to pull me through. It wasn't fair to rely on her so, but there was no other way.
Morning period slipped me by and then I was rocking up to Spanish.
Oh God.
Jessica.
Her eyes were alight with pure unadulterated glee.
"Tell. Me. Everything."
"Jessica," I swallowed hurriedly, dropping my head as I sidled past her and into the classroom, "Do I have to? Like, right now?"
"Yes! Yes you do."
We sat down at our desks, opening our books. I leaned down and rummaged in my bag, pretending to look for some pens so I could hide from her onslaught that little bit longer.
"Look, it's not like we have to be loud about it," Jessica whispered over to me, looking behind us before edging her seat closer, "Not that it would do much good. I heard you and Alice basically made out on the front steps. You know half the school hasn't even heard the word 'lesbian' before, right?"
"Who said we were lesbians?" I rebutted, gritting my teeth as I scratched my newly 'found' pen down harder than necessary into my workbook.
"I didn't say anything. Promise," Jessica reassured, "It's just what's been going around. Like, you guys did kiss and all so what do you expect people to say? That's literally what lesbians do, you know?"
"I don't know, actually," I sighed in earnest.
Labels or logistics didn't concern me nearly as much as it should've. All I was sure of was my feelings for Alice. I couldn't say whether anybody else could pique my interests like she effortlessly did. Although, if I was being fair to myself, I knew for certain that I'd rather bury myself in hot tar than be with a man.
"Hm," Jessica moved back a little, her gaze reproachful, "So, are you two dating or what, then?"
"Mhm," I nodded, "I suppose we are."
I let out a shaky breath.
I was sure Alice, as well as the rest of the Cullens, were tuned in on this conversation. I hoped that the latter, at least, had the decency to try and ignore it. I wasn't holding out too much hope for Alice, though.
Jessica swallowed back an excited squeal.
"I called it!" She gushed under her breath, "I totally called it. God, I'm so excited! This is so great!"
"What?" First checking our teacher was still unperturbed and ignorant to our discussion, I turned back to her, "Why?"
"Because-," Jessica took in a slow and measured breath before she continued, "And don't take this the wrong way... But you seemed kind of lonely and, like, stuck in yourself? Anytime Alice came up you'd like, perk up and get all cheery, or whatever. It made me sad seeing you down and off in your head all the time, so if Alice cures your gloominess, or whatever, it's totally fine by me. More than fine, actually."
"I don't know if I should be offended by that."
"Probably should just take it as a compliment," Jessica dismissed, scribbling something down from the chalkboard, "It was nice seeing you happy. At first I just thought you were interested in the girl because she's... well, her. And not in a bad way! She's just different. But I guess you guys are pretty serious, huh? I swear I told you I thought you two would be great together, didn't I?"
She looked up from her scribbles before quickly returning her attention back to her workbook,
"Thanks, Jess. I didn't know you cared so much."
"Well, don't tell anyone. You'll ruin my aloof persona."
"You have an aloof persona?" I broached, my eyebrow raised.
"Maybe not right now, no!" Jessica quipped back, "But I'm trying to get one, so zip it!"
Avoiding our teacher's pointed surveillance, we ducked our heads and attended to our work. After a while - when I noticed we were in the clear - I hesitantly opened my mouth again.
"What do you think the others will say about it?"
"Hm," She paused in thought, tapping the end of her pen against her chin, "Not sure. The boys won't get it. Not for a long while. As I said, most people here are kinda' backwards about this stuff," She let out a derisive snort, "You'll probably have to drill it into the boys' heads before they realize you're off-limits. Or maybe you could just barter with your new brother-in-law?" She queried, wiggling her brows, "Get Alice to sic her hulking brother on the lot of 'em."
I covered my mouth with my sleeve, chuckling into the fabric.
"Maybe. I don't think violence is the answer though, Jess. I don't want to have to clean up any murders."
"No?" She looked over at me, disappointed, "I think it is. Especially if guys want to cross boundaries. So entitled. The lot of them. Ugh," She shook her head in frustration.
I was about to ask her why she seemed so bothered but she was already opening her mouth to say something else.
"Anyways, Angela is obviously an angel so no worries there. Although, the whole school will probably be pretty annoying for a while. No one's been able to snag a Cullen ever since they came here but then boom. In comes the new girl taking names and, not only that, she didn't pick one of the boys, no! She picked Alice Cullen! Hate to break it to you, but it's hot off the press and going to be steaming for a looong while."
"Great," I groaned, slumping my head down into my notes.
"Oh, don't be so melodramatic, Bella," Jessica reprimanded, flicking me with her pen, "Just give it a month. Okay, maybe two. Plus, it's not as if keeping things secret would've felt any better. Think about it. At least now you can do whatever you want. Maybe even, heaven forbid, sit together in the cafeteria or something! OooOooOoh, spooky."
I pulled my head up from my notebook and turned to her, a few wispy strands of hair glued to my forehead.
"Very funny."
"It's true, though."
"Hmmph."
I nearly jumped out of my seat when the bell rang.
Lunch.
Back to her.
"So, will she be sitting with us?" Jessica asked as we stepped out into the lunch hall.
"I might be," Her melodic voice made us both jump.
"Alice," I breathed, spinning around, an instinctive smile already stretching across my face.
"Mhm, well, I'll leave you two to it. I'm like, super hungry, so," Jessica trailed off as she backed away towards the lunch line, her eyes glimmering under waggling brows.
"Yeah," I gulped, "See you, I guess?"
"See you."
Alice's amber eyes were wide and doe-like.
Watchful. Expectant. Entirely mesmerizing.
I unthinkingly brushed a chaste kiss along the base of her jaw. The new paradigm surprisingly quick to take effect, despite my uncontainable anxiety at the prospect.
"I heard you were having it pretty rough."
"Uh, what do you mean?" I jammed my hands into my pockets. I knew exactly what she meant.
"It is only gossip, Bella," Alice chided, "It does not matter."
"Yes it does?" I frowned, "Do you want people to think badly of you?"
"Hm," She shrugged, dancing her ghostly fingers over plump lips, "Thing is, I do not actually care whether people think anything of me, good or bad. You should not worry so much about what is in other people's heads, Bella. You should worry more about what is in your own."
I sighed loudly, running my hands down my face.
"I just don't like it when people are talking about me. I want to disappear - not have a giant spotlight shining down on my head everywhere I go."
"Why not?" Alice sidled up to me, swooping her arm through mine so I was locked to her side, "Attention is so fun, GIRLFRIEND."
"Alice!" I hissed as she dragged me further into the cafeteria, "This isn't helping!"
"No?" She turned to appraise my flushing skin and ragged breaths, "You have to face your fears if you are ever want to overcome them, babe."
I groaned again, exasperated. I swore the pulsing in my head wasn't just paranoia and was actual burst aneurysm slamming through my skull.
"Actually, I heard that exposure therapy is incremental. You're not supposed to dunk people head first, Alice. Go re-take psychology."
She crinkled her nose and loosened her grip, "I suppose you have a point," She let her gaze wander over the skin of my face, pausing at my cheeks before meeting my eyes again, "Forgive me? You know how I am. I can never seem to help myself."
She fluttered her lashes, her full lips caught in an innocent little pout.
"Maybe later," I eyed her warily, nerves still prickling underneath my skin, "Right now, I just want to hide. Maybe if you had some sort of special shapeshifting ability up your sleeve, and you turned into a large wall, or maybe a tree, then we'd be talking but... you're not a wall or a tree and instead you are just you and you're annoying me."
"No, I am just me, you got me there. And unfortunately I'm rather lacking in the shapeshifting department. But, alas, I am your beloved, so according to law, you must forgive me or else," She grinned, dancing up onto the balls of her feet.
"Um, you need to brush up on law along with psych, Alice. I don't think that particular section is enforced up here in little old Forks."
"Drat," She played along, theatrically snapping her fingers, "I guess I will just have to figure out another way to make it up to you, then!"
"Oh?" I raised my brow, desperately hoping Alice couldn't feel the radiating heat from my warming skin.
She batted her lashes at me with far more seduction than was healthy for my fragile heart. She followed up with a coy wink, a lascivious smirk plumping her cheeks.
God help me.
"You can't look at me like that. Not here. Not right now," I breathed.
"Why not? Few are watching. And, honey, what is wrong with a little bit of lighthearted flirtation, anyway?"
"Nothing wrong with it. That's the problem."
"Bella," Alice chided, tone quickly shifting.
"Joking aside, you really do need to stop worrying about what others think. Your life is not for their entertainment or their ridicule."
She reached up to caress my cheek, her touch gentle and comforting.
"I know, I know," I mumbled out in a rush, leaning my face into her palm, "My body just has different ideas I guess. I'm so nervous and I don't know why."
She intertwined our fingers together, "It will pass. Even I am nervous," She laughed before swallowing, "I just hide it better, I suppose."
"Why would you be nervous?" I turned to her, incredulous.
She paused for a brief moment, pursing her lips before speaking, "Well,I have been waiting for this moment my whole waking life. It is both an exhilarating and terrifying feeling... having everything come to fruition. Being blind all the while also adds no favors to the situation," She shrugged, "But, I want to enjoy the feeling. Firsts are scary. But I like it. I like the newness. I like that I am finally with you - that everyone knows who I belong to."
She squeezed my hand ever so gently. I reveled in the touch. And, in the admission from her perfect lips.
"I wish I could just... let go like you do," I admitted quietly, pawing at the back of my neck - my hair tangling between my fingers.
"Mm, I kind of like that you are uptight, actually. Gives me an important job to do; Relax and assuage my fretting love before she bursts," She giggled, her natural giddiness making a pleasant resurgence.
"Of course you do," I rolled my eyes.
With one more harried breath, and another once over of the cafeteria, I dredged up some courage, "Come on. If I can't get rid of the nerves I'll just have to ignore them."
Alice traipsed behind me as I led the way, our clasped hands feeling like a huge floor-to-ceiling neon sign for all to see.
"Hey, Bells'! So what's this I hear about-" Mike piped up, his words cut short when he spied Alice gliding along behind me. He zeroed in on our hands and his eyes bulged out of his head, his adam's apple comically bobbing up and down in his throat.
"Hi guys," I smiled shyly, "Is it okay if Alice sits with us?"
"Duh! Obviously," Jessica shrugged, poorly feigning indifference.
"You're more than welcome, Alice!" Angela joined in with a friendly smile, "It's lovely to finally meet you!"
"Oh, thank you!" Alice stepped up to my side, "And, 'finally'?"
"Well," Jessica interrupted, "It's not like you guys did a very good job of being secretive about everything. The puppy dog eyes across the hall were a bit much but, young love or whatever."
"Okay, that's enough of that," I forced a laugh, giving Jess some serious side-eye before pulling out two chairs next to Angela.
"Thank you, love," Alice smiled, planting a kiss firmly on my cheek before sitting down. I tried not to let my bristling delight at the pet name show in front of the others.
Angela's eyes narrowed as she looked at us both.
"Neither of you are eating?"
"Oh, right!" Alice jumped up faster than she should have.
Almost inhumanely fast.
I placed a hand on her hip, giving it a warning squeeze. She glanced down and nodded sharply, knowingly.
"I will go get us something to eat. Be back in just a moment!" She darted, this time at an acceptable and very much human speed, away from the table and towards the lunch line.
I wondered what she'd get me. Hopefully it was something palatable.
I still felt pretty anxious and it was always a struggle to eat when I was feeling this way.
"Well, that was weird," Mike muttered, folding his arms.
"That's really not a nice thing to say, Mike," Angela rebutted, shaking her head in warning.
"It was, though!" He piped up, louder this time.
"What is your problem?" I sat up taller in my seat, "She's just nervous."
"Yeah," Ben suddenly chimed in over his book, "I don't think I've ever seen her hang with anyone other than her family. Don't be a dick, dude."
Silence swept across the table. Apparently, Ben wasn't known for boldness. In fact, I'd never heard him curse before.
"Fine, whatever," Mike rolled his eyes, bouncing back into his seat, "I was just saying, is all."
"I don't know why you care so much," Jessica accused, picking at her lunch as she gave him a dissecting once over.
"I don't!" He replied a little too quickly.
"Um," Eric tentatively inserted himself, "Does anybody want some bao? Homemade? My Mum went on, like, a cooking spree last night, so I have extra."
"Yeah, sure!" I chirped, far too happy to hinder the souring mood at the table, "I don't think I've ever tried authentic Chinese food before."
"Then prepare to have your socks ROYALLY knocked off, home girl,'" Eric grinned, handing me a steamed bun.
I ripped the soft bread in half and admired the filling, marinated meat - most likely pork - and sauteed vegetables.
It smelled divine.
"Thanks, Eric," I smiled up at him "It looks and smells so good!"
Eric and I's joint efforts appeared to do the trick. Everybody took the bait and grabbed a steamed bun, previous tension soon forgotten. Well, for the most part.
Mike still seemed withdrawn, the hint of a frown wavering over his features.
What was his problem?
"Hello," Alice reappeared, trays in hand, "I think you will like it...," She turned to me as she nimbly slid past Angela and retook her seat, "The pickings were sparse but what can you do?"
She offered me a tentative smile as she placed my tray down in front of me. I sharply inhaled, trying to figure out the most polite, and innocuous, way to contend with the heaping pile of food. It must have cost her a fortune.
"Alice," I leaned over discretely, "This is way too much."
"Is it?" She turned quickly - too quickly to avoid unwanted eyes.
"Uh, yeah!" I whispered back, "How much do you think we eat? One sandwich and maybe some fruit is enough. This... It could feed a bodybuilder but- ," I stalled, still in disbelief, "Have you - the whole time you've been attending school - never once noticed what everybody else puts on their trays? I mean, just look around the cafeteria."
"To be fair, I am not particularly interested in what everybody else is eating am I?" She sulked and folded her arms over her chest.
"Hey, Alice!" Eric suddenly interjected, startling the both of us.
His hand was outstretched with one last bao from his lunchbox, an excited grin lighting up his face.
"Want some? My Mom's specialty. You've got to try it!"
"It's very good," Angela nodded, covering her mouth as she mumbled eagerly through her last bite.
"Hey," Jessica burst out, her fork dancing between Alice and I, "What's with Bella having all that food? Are you like, trying to save her from anorexia or something? She doesn't eat much, for sure. Really good of you to, like, save her from herself, y'know?"
I felt my mouth fall open.
How could Jessica be simultaneously so rude yet placating at the same time? It truly was a gift. Should I be mad that she accused me of having an eating disorder, or comforted that she was eager for me to overcome one?
Choices, choices.
"Oh, no! Not at all," Alice came to the rescue with her characteristically winsome smile, wrapping an arm over my shoulder, "I am such a ditz. I was in a hurry and must have put some of my food on her tray. Here," She leaned across, deftly transferring a sandwich and some chips, "Now everything is in order!"
"Hm," Jessica's eyes narrowed ever so slightly, but she was quick to shrug and return to prodding and poking at her own tray.
"Um, so, bao?" Eric grinned awkwardly, his hand still very much outstretched.
"Right. Love to!" Alice breathed, carefully extricating the bao from Eric's hands. I noted her precise movements, undoubtedly serving to save Eric from experiencing her icy chill.
I forced back a gasp as I watched her take a large bite. I tried to hide even further disbelief when she feigned pleasure as she slowly chewed - knocking back the mouthful just as good as any human.
"Yum! Your Mom is such a great cook. Is it a family recipe? I might try to get my Mother to take some pointers," She giggled, looking, or successfully feigning, complete indifference.
They chattered excitedly, none the wiser to the muddle of confused thoughts bouncing around inside my head.
Eric was overjoyed, likely high on the approval of all of his friends and now the addition of Alice's praise. Alice also appeared to be enjoying herself - delighted by the new company and, vicariously, Eric's happiness.
I leaned back in my chair and smiled softly to myself, still very much confused, but also strangely contented.
This could really work.
Withholding my girlfriend being a vampire who, at least according to her, I'm tethered to through some supernatural otherworldly bond, things really didn't have to be so complicated, surely?
Ah, gotta' love Jessica, right? I love writing her dialogue because I never really know what she's going to say... Which is concerning given I'm the one telling her what to say. But, hey, that's neither here nor there! :D Anyway, who wants to bet that the peace and tranquility isn't gonna' to last? Who knows, maybe Bella's penchant for neurosis might actually have some merit... Also can I just say how sorry I am about the infrequent and often delayed updates? I'm doing my thesis rn and there's been a lot of issues with my supervisor so I've been super stressed and also flat-out at the same time. I am aware about how frustrating it's been for you all having to wait around for me to get around to posting new chapters, and I am genuinely apologetic. I swear I'm trying my best and not just forgetting about you!
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