When Shane woke up to frantic shaking from Lori, she looked worried and very scared. He was up instantly, "What's going on?"
"Ed ran off last night and left his family here! Shane, he took the car with all the M.R.E.s in it!" Lori was right to be worried, for the last two days those M.R.E.s had fed the group once Shane had impressed upon him with the shotgun in hand that the group shared resources.
"Fuck!" Shane said as he got up pulling on a shirt and grabbing his hat/shotgun. "Why the hell did he run off?! That's damn foolish, he knows what the roads are like right now! Crawling with those geeks and people fleeing the city!" Shane found Carol nervously wringing her hands in front of her tent with her daughter huddled inside facing a group of angry hungry people. "Carol! Did Ed say anything? Give you any indication that he was thinking of up and leaving you here?"
Carol had tears welling up in her eyes as she looked up at him as he crowded into her space to make the others back off with impotent grumbles. "Ed…was just being Ed…he was mad of course, sharing with everyone…madder at me for saying we had 'em in the first place. He said he was sick of the two of us dragging him down…but I never thought he would leave! He never leaves! You gotta believe me Shane if I thought he would run off I woulda said something!"
Shane sighed heavily through his nose, he put a comforting hand on Carol's shoulders and looked her dead in the eye and said, "This isn't your fault Carol, I'm gonna talk to Emalyn and see if her people saw anything while they were on watch. Don't you worry, you and your daughter are safe as can be here with me. I won't let nothin' happen to ya."
Carol started sobbing into her hands, "Everyone is so mad, but I never thought Ed would ever leave! He can't do anything without me! He doesn't even know how to cook anything. He's always talked, but he never…!" Shane patted her on the shoulder and then directed her into Lori's waiting arms so she could comfort the distraught woman.
"What are we gonna do Shane? We don't have anything to eat…Ed's car had all the supplies!" Lori was worried and her eyes were on Carl and Sophia in Carol's tent. The little man was comforting Sophia just like his mom was comforting Carol and Shane was both proud and frustrated. Now he had two families to take care of, Lori and Carl would always be his priority though and right now he needed to figure out a way to feed them all.
His eyes went to the group across the way who seemed to be wrapping up their breakfast and Shane was quick to press down his anger at the thought. Being angry wasn't going to get him anything from Emalyn's group and right now he needed to track down Ed. So, he made his way to their boundary line and whistled while waving his hand to get her attention. Emalyn eventually made her way over, two men hot on her heels, one was Hannibal the other was a rough red neck who Shane hadn't been introduced to yet.
"Yes?" Emalyn said as she went up to him eyebrow raised.
"Did anyone on watch last night see Ed leave?" Shane asked hopefully.
"Who?" Emalyn said lip curled in annoyance.
"Big guy, yay high, sneer on his face, overweight, with brown short hair, white." Shane said as he gestured to indicate the man's height.
"We don't look over your group while on watch Shane, we keep our eyes out for threats in the woods mainly and on the road leading to camp. So why would we care if someone was leaving?"
"Look, Ed left with all our food supplies, without them all the families…the kids…they are gonna go hungry. We can't go out to resupply yet, you've seen the roads, everyone fleeing Atlanta while the Geeks flood in on them. Its suicide."
"I fail to see how that is my problem Shane," Emalyn said mercilessly.
"If you would give us something…just enough to tied us over for the next couple of days we will repay that kindness in turn."
"With what? You don't have anything we want."
"When we go out to resupply, we will repay you first, everything we take, we will give you back. Look I know you don't want us to be dependent on each other, I understand, but if I don't get these people fed then we all are gonna have a fight on our hands."
Emalyn scowled, "If I do this…this is the last time. I will not be responsible for keeping your people in line Shane if they become a drain on our resources…or a threat to me and mine. We will react accordingly."
Shane wanted to scowl but he kept his face open and pleading. "I wouldn't expect anything less." He told her honestly.
"It'll take a little while to do inventory and put something together for your group. How many people?"
Shane took a minute to count them in his head, his family with Carol and Sophia was five. Jim, Dale, Andrea, Amy, Glenn, Jackie, and the Morales family were fifteen. Then there were the ones who he couldn't remember their names but remembered their faces…another six so, "21…21 people."
Emalyn hissed through her teeth, "That is a lot of mouths to feed." Still she scowled and turned gesturing to her two shadows to follow her into her bus. Shane felt a wave of relief wash over her before he made his way back to Lori who was waiting for him…her eyes big and pleading.
Lori met him on his way there, her hand grabbing his, "Well," she squeezed his hand tightly, "what did she say? Will they help?"
"Yeah…they will help but I had to agree to get them back what they give us…and I don't think we'll get help so easily from them again." Shane warned her because he didn't want her to get the idea that this meant the two groups were merging. Emalyn had made it very clear that she had no interest in joining the two groups together and Shane didn't think that was going to change anytime soon.
"What the plan here Shane, if we have to give them the supplies back eventually then we need to get enough to cover us and them." Lori said bitterly as she squeezed his hand again.
"I need to talk to some people, that boy Glenn, he said he knows the city, I figure we check every day the road situation and as soon as it's clear enough we go out and get some things. You wanna get together a list of the things we are gonna need? I know we need a few more tents and such. But as far as the domestic side of things you know I am useless." Shane said jokingly pulling a smile from Lori's worried face.
"Bout the only reason your place was ever clean was you had that cleaning lady coming by… what was her name? Linda! And I remember the last time you tried cooking you burnt water!" Lori grinned teasing him as she nodded, "I'll get a list together and see about getting together an inventory of things. Get an idea of what we all have." Lori hugged him and then went off to their car probably to grab a pen and paper.
Shane noticed Emalyn coming back with Hannibal and the Red neck guy carrying two totes. He was stunned that they had gotten it together so fast and ran to meet them at their boundary line. Emalyn handed him a paper with a list written down on it, "That's the item list, enough for three meals a day for three days for twenty people. You can stretch it to almost five days if you cut down to one to two meals a day. I expect that when your able…you'll replace what you are getting from us now."
"You don't gotta worry about that, soon as the road is clear we will make a run into Atlanta and get you back. Don't worry," Shane said trying to keep a friendly and open demeanor.
Emalyn nodded and turned to leave but then she stopped to ask over her shoulder, "Why didn't you have anyone on watch?"
Shane was confused for a minute, "Don't you have a watch situation set up?"
"Yeah, we do but that doesn't mean we are gonna be watching over you, you need to set up watch if you don't want to get ambushed. Besides you have more people its easier on you guys to spread the load out. I told you Shane…we each take care of our own…so take care of your people." Emalyn said that and then went off followed close on her heels by the red neck guy. The other one Hannibal was looking at him like a kid might look at a bug under a microscope.
"What?!" Shane hissed, irritated with himself for not setting up his own watch and feeling foolish for not thinking of it until now.
"The polite response when someone does a favor for you…is thank you," Hannibal said with the smallest smiles on his mouth.
Shane abashed said, "Thank you…sorry…it's been a stressful morning…could you send my thanks to Emalyn?"
Hannibal stood there looking at him for a moment more before he gave a slight nod of his head and turned to follow Emalyn back to her camp. After that it was one thing after another, rallying the men into a watch roster and getting Dale to agree to it being perched on his RV taking a page of Emalyn's book. Lori was organizing things with the women and a few of the men while Carol was entertaining her daughter and Carl.
Shane knew he had to be better at this whole leadership thing, but it was rough getting going. He wasn't a very organized man by nature, and he didn't really want to be a dictator so getting people to work together on their own initiative was a lot harder than he had expected. Most were traumatized by their experiences getting here, losing family and friends on top of the world falling apart did not make a productive people. Most were depressed, staring off into space and when they did get together to talk, they talked about when someone was going to deal with all the mess out there. As if this thing had an end in sight, Shane wanted to fall into that way of thinking too because it was easier…comforting to believe that someone else was going to make sense of this mess.
However, he had a shining example of how different the world was with Emalyn's group right next door. He was sure if they weren't there Shane would have fallen quite comfortably in thinking this was a temporary camp he was running until someone better equipped took the reins from him. A temporary leader didn't have to do long term planning, didn't have to organize things, didn't have to really lead because eventually someone more competent will come along and do all that.
Emalyn didn't behave that way, he saw her there every morning going over maps, talking to her people, treating all this like no one is coming…and Shane couldn't hide in his nice little delusion that someone else would step up for these people. He had been elected leader without a vote, no one seemed to mind it like they had all collectively agreed while he wasn't there that he would be the one to tell them what to do. They were as lost as he was, and Shane could understand their desperation to have someone else decide things. Hell…he didn't want this now.
If Rick was here Shane would happily toss the whole thing on his head like he had always done in high school and then he wouldn't have to bear the weight of all of these people depending on him. The reason he had never stuck with a girl more than a month or two was because he didn't want that. He didn't want any of that. Yet here he was now that Rick was gone, with an instant family wondering if he could step off this ride sometime soon.
He hoped he got better at being a leader soon, at being a father figure to Carl…and he was so afraid that he was gonna fuck up.
~~~~~Will~~~~~
There were moments of sharp clarity but most of the time he felt like he was wading into his stream while everything around him fell away. It made the moments of clarity almost painful in the stark contrast of the soft muffled daze he was in most of the time. At first, he was sure he was just hallucinating, that he was stuck in a fever dream, and he would wake in a hospital bed sometime with Hannibal and Jack standing over him looking concerned and disapproving respectively. As the weeks went by and reality mixed with the hallucinations Will was quite sure he was losing his mind.
He wasn't sure what was real anymore, every time he was awake enough to do it, he would say his mantra of his name, where he thought he was and the time. It wasn't helping.
Did it ever help?
Then one day as if he suddenly burst out from under his stream he was there. Like someone had flipped a switch in his head, he remembered the moments of clarity somewhat but the blurred fever dreams made it feel like no time had passed for him at all even though it had been over three weeks since he had gone under treatment.
"Where am I?" was the first thing Will asked Hannibal when he saw him standing over him.
"You are in our new RV, in Atlanta Georgia, you are Will Graham, its 7am in the morning on September 14th." Hannibal replied smoothly as he helped Will sit up, wetting and brushing his hair then helping him dress like it was something he did every day.
He probably did do it every day because Will couldn't remember the last time he brushed his teeth let alone his hair. But his teeth didn't have that unpleasant film on it so Hannibal must have been really taking care of him. Will felt out of it and tried to force down his embarrassment to try and make sense of what was happening.
"Why are we in Atlanta?" Will asked instead.
"What do you remember?" Hannibal asked instead of answering.
"There was a case, Jack as going to meet us there since something got the big wigs in a twist and they called an emergency meeting. Then our flight back as canceled, they sent us to a quarantine zone but our convoy was overrun by rioters and we had to break off…" Will said hesitantly as the memories came back in a haze like it had happened to someone else.
"Yes, you're doing fabulously Will, and?" Hannibal said with an encouraging smile.
"Our car ran out of gas…then those people…we ran…then a woman…what was her name…she picked us up…Emalyn! Then…" Will scowled frustrated, "…there are moments…" he pressed the palms of his hands to his eyes as his headache from forcing himself to remember peeked. It felt like he was speaking in a tin can, his own voice echoed strangely in his head as the world tilted around him in horrible vertigo. "The CDC we talked about going there…I don't remember when…about how they need gas to keep from blowing up…I remember some snapshots of other moments but its all jumbled in my head." Will heaved and Hannibal had a bowl there to catch his sick in a practiced movement. Will was a mix of gratitude and embarrassed that he seemed so used to helping him.
"Very good Will, very good." Hannibal said running a soothing hand from the nape of his neck to the small of his back in a soft petting motion. Once it was apparent that Will wasn't going to throw up anymore Hannibal handed him a water bottle then a mouth wash allowing his to spit it out in his bowl. "I'll deal with it once we get you out to breakfast." Hannibal said as he put the bowl down on the counter and helped Will change from pajamas to clothes.
"Jamie, darling, help me bring Will to the table," Hannibal called out and a fair-haired little girl came bounding to them easing to Will's unoccupied side again with an unnerving well practiced movement. She grinned up at him and Will felt horrible about barely recognizing her face and having almost no memory of ever meeting her. They left the Rv out into the sunshine to find a whole group waiting for them at a couple of bench tables. Hannibal sat down with a practiced ease and then a beautiful brunette woman came over to them. Emalyn. Will remembered her face.
"How are we doing this morning Will?" She said as she inspected him and checked his pulse with his wrist and her watch.
"Painfully clear," Will said honestly as faint memories of his time here filtered in and his head pounded from the press of their personalities.
"That's good to hear, still set on weaning yourself off the pain meds? Emalyn asked as she looked him over and then pressed her fingers into the bridge of his nose by his eyebrows firmly. Then she pressed them on his temple right above his ears and his head felt cooler…the pain receded a bit and Will remembered that moment of clarity when he asked to not be put under the stream of oblivion again.
"Yeah," Will sighed, "its manageable now…I want to be clearer…even if all this…"Will waved his hand at the group of people as they served up breakfast and chatted together, "feels overwhelming."
"Ok, but if you want a reprieve all you have to do is say the word…your brain was on fire Will. No one begrudges you the recovery time." Emalyn said gently.
"I know…but I do. The faster I am on my feet the sooner I can finally start to distinguish dreams from reality. It still feels…not real." Will said avoiding her soft caring eyes to look at Hannibal. Emalyn reminded him of Alana Bloom, a beautiful brunette with a kind soul but where Alana's could have that cold condescending righteousness behind them…Emalyn's had warm compassion.
It made him uncomfortable even as her ruthless practicality drew him in. As always when he was around people, he involuntarily saw more than he wanted to every time.
He kept his eyes on Hannibal because he was the only person that had been hard for him to read. Will had previously thought it was because Hannibal was an uncommonly talented psychiatrist who knew how to close himself off very well due to his knowledge in his field. Now as he looked into Hannibal's dark eyes, he saw that deep pool of darkness that was like a black mirror reflecting himself back at him. The few moments of clarity he had over the last few weeks Will remembered how free Hannibal seemed to be now. It was like a tiger finally freed from its cage at the Zoo, no longer a tense predator pacing at the confines of his confinement.
Hannibal seemed happy.
All the world had fallen into chaos, people consumed each other in the streets and then got up to consume. All the trappings of polite society had fallen away, all the comfort and luxury Will had been sure Hannibal had so enjoyed…gone. Yet…he was happy. He was free with his smiles now, no longer was Will the only one with the privilege of being able to provoke a true smile from Hannibal…Emalyn did so as well. It made him feel lost.
It was also discomfiting to realize that aside from the profound loss of his dogs, his pack, that Will…exactly like Hannibal…felt such a sense of freedom and happiness from the collapse of the fake veneer of social constructs. In that freedom he finally saw Hannibal…he was his copycat killer…he was probably more than that…maybe the cheapskate Ripper…and Will…didn't care. It seemed so small now, what he had built his life around trying to prove he belonged in a world that shunned him because he could see them.
He had always made people uncomfortable, they felt laid bare before his eyes and keen intellect, so they hated him. It was isolating and Will wondered when he had resigned himself to the overwhelming loneliness that had pervaded his entire life.
Now, he had Hannibal and in turn Hannibal had brought him children like he was picking up Will stray dogs. Hannibal had built him a family while he had been lost in the dark, he had two children now, and Will was no longer afraid someone would take them from him. There was no government that would deem him an unfit parent, no mother to contest custody, or he had to please to keep his children. Over the years it had been a brewing thought, a deep dark yearning, that unvoiced desire for children that Will was so afraid to admit to even to himself.
Will had nights, where the whiskey lowered the bars of the cage he had put around the darkness inside of himself, where he had thought about simply knocking up a one night stand. Of finding a careless woman who could carry the baby to term and could be persuaded to give him sole custody to get back to her life of irresponsible debauchery. The problem always came down to that failed psych eval and the unrelenting cold blue eyes of Alana Bloom.
Alana certainly toted herself his friend, refused to see him professionally because she was physically attracted to him. Yet, if Will had gotten his child, the fatherhood he so craved, Alana would have been the one who would work the hardest to wrench the child from his arms. She would not allow him children. He was too unstable. Unsafe. So he had never acted on his impulse to acquire a child, someone who he could love and care for as his father had cared for him.
Now.
There was no society.
There was no Alana Bloom with her damning judging eyes that said he was too unstable for a relationship, for parenthood, for anything more than the lonely hollow existence he had.
He missed his dogs.
Mourned Winstin, Buster, Max…all of them.
Yet, he had a son, he had a daughter and…he had Hannibal.
Hannibal, who freed from the constraints of society, seemed very open in his desire for Will. Who did not hide behind clever words and innuendos that Will could never pick up until he was smacked in the face with the truth of them upon reflection. Will in turn came to the sudden realization that he also desired Hannibal and had desired him for a very long time. He finally knew why he had run to him when Alana had finally kissed him. Why he had not enjoyed her touch.
Why had had been so enamored with the thought of them both being parents to Abigail.
Will still got very tired easily still so Hannibal helped him back to the RV for a nap and Emalyn followed them. Once Hannibal put him on his bed, he went out to talk to Emalyn and Will opened the window on that side of the bed really quickly so he could hear what they talked about.
"What did you want to speak to me about my darling Emalyn?"
"Daryl came back this morning, he thinks it will be alright to go out scavenging by tomorrow. The people that were fleeing the city have really blocked off the other side of the highway. I don't think we'll be able to use it since the cars they left as they were overrun by the walkers are too packed together to even think of clearing out. They might be a good source of supplies if we're desperate though, but we are far from needing to do that. The other group might."
"You wanted me to go on the run with you?"
"Yeah…well we kind of have been a good team so far."
"Unfortunately, as much as I enjoy beheading the walkers with you I must stay with Will now that he has recovered enough to be conscious of himself. I don't want him trying to overtax himself and Beverly will be useless in keeping Will in line. She is much to easily manipulated by him and I don't think any of the others will have the patience. Why don't you ask Daryl to be your partner going forward?"
"I suppose I should have expected this…Will and you do make a very good team. I can't say I'm not a bit disappointed though since having you at my back is very reassuring. Though I suppose it would be wiser to keep at least one of us at camp for emergencies…if anything were to happen having one of us here could make all the difference."
"I have to say I do so enjoy your practicality Emalyn, but I admit I was hoping for a bit more of an emotional response."
"Why would I be emotional about this? You are a great teammate Hannibal; your effectiveness cannot be understated but Daryl is also a very skilled hunter. He and I will need to build up the ease I had with you but it's doable. I am a little annoyed at the loss in progress, but I know you and Will are going to be a very efficient team. Which means our group has doubled our effectiveness. Really, I should be grateful even if I am annoyed."
Will heard Hannibal laugh and felt a strange mix of emotions. He was a little jealous Emalyn seemed to have built a connection to Hannibal, making him laugh, but he was also warm at the thought of Hannibal choosing him so clearly. They were living in odd times, but Will felt hopeful for once in his life…everything seemed so much better.
Maybe the end of the world was actually the beginning of his?
~~~~~Emalyn~~~~~
Emalyn tried to tamper down her nervousness and keep her hands steady. "Daryl," she called getting the man's attention as he stepped out of her bus all suited up in his tactical suit. He looked up at her call looking curious and she held up the black over the shoulders gun harness up. "I got this out for you, the gun with the silencer is on the left, holder for three extra magazines on the right." Emalyn said holding the harness up showing him the back almost shyly. The back had a pair of wings etched into the leather on the back in a different darker black that Daryl looked at with appreciation as he took the harness from her hands to slip it on.
"Thanks," he said gruffly as he shrugged in on his shoulders.
Emalyn turned to get the other thing from the picnic table, holding up the extra quiver of arrows and showing Daryl how it strapped onto his thigh. He took that quickly and adjusted it while she got a big hug from Bellamy. "Come back," Bellamy whispered into her ear, "promise okay?"
"I promise I'll always come back," Emalyn said as she peppered kisses onto Bellamy's head as she gave a reluctant giggle while pouting.
"We going or what?" Daryl said making Emalyn pull away and send Bellamy running to Michonne.
"I'm coming," Emalyn said as she got into the driver's side of her truck and waved at everyone as they pulled out of the campsite. It was really quiet for a while and Emalyn was too nervous about this entire thing to think about starting a conversation. They were heading to a farm Daryl had scouted out a while ago when he was surveying the clearing of the highway. It was off the beaten path and relatively untouched, most importantly Daryl had spotted the drums they needed in the outside of the bar. It looked like the farmer had a few piled up there, empty and serviceable.
"Why'd ya leave all the time if ya don't wanna? Plenty of the others willing to go out in yer place." Daryl asked gruffly.
Emalyn took a minute to think about it since she couldn't tell him the real reason, "I can't get soft staying in camp, I have to be harder, to be better, if I wanna see those babies through this." She decided that would be enough of a reason and part of the truth anyways.
"Yer plenty hard enough now," Daryl said gruffly.
"Its easier to be soft for me…I'm afraid that I'll forget and lose someone or myself because I was foolish enough to think any of this is safe. It will never be safe again." Emalyn said as she turned on the radio and started to scroll through the static. She wasn't expecting anything but it was disheartening to hear nothing but static on the radio so she switched over to the CD. It was a soft classical mixed CD she had made before she had arrived in this reality and Hannibal seemed to like it. Though she noticed Daryl shift uncomfortably in his seat and scrunch up his nose a bit especially as La Foule by Edith Piaf came on.
Emalyn giggled a bit and took out a CD holder and plopped it in Daryl's lap. "Why don't you pick something?"
Daryl popped out the classical CD and put on Tom Petty. When he saw me smiling, he said defensively, "What?"
"Nothing, didn't take you for a Tom Petty fan, thought maybe AC/DC was more your speed." Emalyn said charmed.
"AC/DC is always good but Free Fallin'? That's where it's at!" Daryl said grinning.
They spent the drive listening to Tom Petty and when Free Fallin' came on Emalyn glanced over at Daryl to see an ease on his face she had never seen before. It was nice, peaceful. The small farm was actually relatively close, but it seemed a bit far for walking like Daryl had been doing. "When did you find this place?" Emalyn asked as she pulled up to the barn. The land seemed deserted and very quiet. There didn't seem to be anyone living there anymore.
"Followed a deer track day before yesterday after I scouted the highway, wound up here after I lost it, saw the drums and figured we needed them more than the deer." Daryl said as he got out to direct her as she backed up to the drums. They were stacked up along the side of the barn, the ones on the bottom row on the ground had a bit of rust on them where they were resting on the soil to Emalyn pointed to the ones on top to take. "How many do ya think we should take?" Daryl asked as he pulled the one she pointed to down.
It was empty and in good condition, Daryl unscrewed the cap on the top lid to smell the inside. "I think we should take all six on the top row. I don't think the bed can hold more than that, plus the bottom row looks like it is rusting." Emalyn said as she inspected the barrels. They were all empty, but still a bit heavy for her. Daryl seemed to lift them with ease that made them seem lighter and put the first one in the bed without her help. "What do you think was in them? Should we worry about cross contamination? I know mixing Deisel and gas is a bad idea…though I'm not entirely sure on why." Emalyn asked with a small grin.
"Nah, they don't smell like nothing, I figure he probably got the drums for a project he never started. They are clean as a whistle inside." Daryl said pulling another drum from the stack.
Emalyn nodded and then looked at the huge barn in front of them. She wondered if any equipment or animals were inside. "I'm gonna check out this barn while you do that, might have something we can use inside." Daryl nodded at her as he put the second drum in the bed moving to secure them down.
The inside of the barn was darker than outside, so she pulled out her small flashlight from a pouch on her tactical belt and looked around. A horse nickered when she did, and Emalyn grinned making her way to the stalls. There were seven of them in the stalls looking over their doors at her. They were cautious but not spooked. That was a good thing. Emalyn quickly got the needle with the tranquilizer out of her space and went to the first horse. They were all Fjord horses with the characteristic stripped manes, six were pregnant females, and the last one seemed to be the stud.
Daryl could finish any moment so Emalyn gave them all shots as fast as she could before looking around for other things that might be useful. There were shovels, hoes, and pitchforks by the stable doors, so she got those. She saw the horses start to lie down in their stalls and figured she had maybe four more minutes before the first one would be out like a light. Daryl met her at the door, and she passed him the equipment she was carrying. "Can you get these in the bed too?"
"Yeah, we got the room," Daryl replied taking them.
Emalyn went to the first horse she shot, she was asleep, and Emalyn took her into her space quickly. Then made her way to the next in line since it seemed like she would have time before Daryl came back. This one wasn't asleep yet, so Emalyn stroked her muzzle and willed her to sleep. Emalyn couldn't believe her luck; Fjord horses were perfect for snowy climates and since she always planned to head north to the colder regions they would be perfect. She had a few in her space for that reason already but it was a limited breeding stock. She wanted all seven of them.
Once the horse was out, Emalyn pulled it into her space and then she heard a sharp intake of air before Daryl hissed, "What the fuck was that?!"
Her stomach dropped and her gun was in her hand before she had a conscious thought. She whirled around in the same moment and so her gun was pointed point blank in Daryl's face.
When had he come in?
Why hadn't she heard him?
Emalyn's eyes were wide as saucers as she pointed her gun at him. Her heart was beating out of her chest, her hands were shaking, it felt like all her blood had rushed to her feet making her feel cold while her stomach dropped to the floor. "Why are you here?!" Emalyn hissed. Fuck. She had gotten too cocky, after the first time she had been caught doing this she had been so careful. But she had two months now almost of not getting caught. She had been too reckless.
Her hands shook as Daryl stared her down, "Ya gonna shoot me or what?" he challenged growling at her.
Emalyn just collapsed to her knees, dropping her gun and crying. Because what was she supposed to do? Kill Daryl Dixon?
She couldn't kill him.
Tremors racked her frame as she sobbed into her hands, "Fuck!" she cussed trying to pull herself together and just think straight. This was bad, no one was supposed to know, she had been so careful and now because she got cocky, she had fucked up big time. Even though Emalyn loved Daryl Dixon as a character they have had hardly any real time together and barely knew each other. They hadn't built much trust and here she was pulling a gun on him.
He didn't know her, he sure as shit wouldn't trust her after this and where would that leave them? She knew she couldn't let him go, not knowing her secret, but she couldn't kill him to silence him either. It sucked major ass that your heart doesn't really distinguish real love for a person and love for a 'fictional character'. They are felt the same in your body, its why you feel real emotional distress when your beloved character dies.
Emalyn might not love Daryl in the romantic sense (yet) but she loved him platonically already.
She didn't have it in her to kill someone she loved.
Daryl crouched down next to her, putting a gentle hand on her shoulder that gave Emalyn a full body flinch and he pulled back his hand for a moment before putting it back even softer. "Hey…stop…yer okay…jesus…fuck…it's fine…I'm not gonna tell anyone…just…shit…just tell me what's going on?"
Emalyn really tried to stop crying but it was like crying to stop a freight train with cardboard. She hadn't broken down like this when she lost Bri, or when she came here or the dozen other times in the last few weeks when she faced the very real realty of living in this world of zombies. Emalyn had been pushing it down, telling herself it wasn't the right time, it wasn't safe, to break down, that she had to keep it together for Bella and Kalon.
She hadn't allowed herself to cry.
It had been easier, to push it down, lock it away inside of herself but now the flood gates were open. Daryl very clumsily took Emalyn into his arms pressing her head under his chin and patting her back. It made her cry harder, distantly she realized she was saying sorry over and over as she sobbed ugly onto him. "It's alright…I got ya…it's gonna be alright…" Daryl said gently as he petted her hair and back soothingly.
Emalyn didn't know how long she cried but eventually the crying stopped leaving her feeling wrung out and exhausted. "I'm sorry."
"So ya been saying," Daryl said as he pulled away to look at her.
Emalyn wiped her face quickly and rubbed her nose on her sleeve, her face felt hot so she was sure it was red as a tomato. Not the best look, she was sure she looked like a crazy person.
"Ya gonna tell me what's going on now?"
"Yeah…I guess I might as well," Emalyn said as she forced herself to her feet to move to the next stall. She needed to get the horses in before the sedative wore off. "Right around the same time my dreams started…this space opened up inside of me." Emalyn said as she pulled the horse into her space and moved onto the next one Daryl hot on her heels. She didn't want to look at him while she talked, afraid of what he would think of her.
"Space?" Daryl prompted when she was quiet, a bit too long.
"I don't know how else to describe it? I have this space inside me that I can put things, things we need to survive, time doesn't move in there."
"How'd ya know that?" Daryl asked as Emalyn made her way to the forth stall.
"I put in something hot from the oven, take it out weeks later and its as fresh as when I put it in there." Emalyn replied. Thinking a bit she took a hot Burger she had stashed from her favorite eating out place and passed it to Daryl so he could unwrap it to see for himself. Emalyn smiled shakingly when she saw him start eating it, inhaling it might have been a better term. Emalyn pulled the horse in after checking to make sure it was still deep asleep.
"Why they all unconscious?" Daryl said around his hamburger.
"It's the only way to store animals safely," Emalyn said as she made her way to the fifth stall.
"Why?" Daryl asked as he grabbed his water bottle from his belt.
"I experimented when I got the space…with mice…they went crazy and killed themselves if I put them in there awake." Emalyn said and she felt Daryl still behind her. She looked over at him briefly and took the fifth horse into her space and moved onto the sixth, two more to go. "Near as I can figure…being awake while in a place without time drives you mad. You know that poem by William Blake?" Emalyn took Daryl grunt for a no, "Goes like this, 'To see a World in a Grain of Sand, And a Heaven in a Wild Flower, Hold Infinity in the palm of you hand, And Eternity in an hour.' Well I hold eternity in the palm of my hand, imagine, feeling like years have past in the span of a second, you can't move, can't speak, can't eat, you just exist."
Emalyn risked looking at Daryl and wished she hadn't, he was looking very pale, so she turned her attention to pulling the sixth horse in. "What about them being asleep makes that okay?" Daryl asked.
"You ever take a nap or pass out and it feels like a blink of an eye, like you just shut your eyes but when you wake up its hours later and you feel like you've been run over?" Emalyn asked as Daryl grunted in agreement, "Same concept I think, time doesn't really matter to you when you're sleeping because…you're sleeping." Emalyn shrugged and took in the last horse.
"So how big of a space are we talking here?" Daryl asked as he followed her as she inspected the rest of the barn, taking in as much of the feed for the horses as she found.
"I don't really know…it kinda hard to describe. I call it a space because its kind of is like this space inside of me, but the things I pull into the space have their own place in it…nothing touches but it all fits. Uggh…its more like I know I have room and how much room left instinctively…but at the same time I don't really have a unit of measurement that fits?" Emalyn said as she pulled in the horse tact she found, thinking the saddles would come in handy.
"So…it just showed up? Just like that?" Daryl asked, "No idea why or how?"
Emalyn sighed, her body felt like lead and she wanted a nap. "Your guess is as good as mine, where did the dreams come from? Where did the space come from? I have no idea and no way to find out. It is what it is, it's a tool I use to help my family live."
"Ya think that's why you have it?" Daryl asked.
Emalyn turned to look at him then surprised, "What do you mean?"
Daryl looked sheepish, like he felt stupid saying it, but she kept her face encouraging, "That whatever gave you the dreams gave you the space thing so you could save your people? Like Noah?"
"You calling me an Ark?" Emalyn laughed, "Walker's are hardly a flood…more dangerous."
"Yeah well…Noah got a ship, you got a space, I figure you have been putting animals inside it right? Like the horses?" Daryl asked.
"I have, with the dead walking around animals will be a hot commodity, for food and for labor…. You saying you think God…what…made me an Ark?" Emalyn asked struck dumb with the thought.
Daryl looked shy, "Well…I don't know…it makes about as much sense as the dead getting up to walk around or my skin walker or your dreams. I ain't exactly a man of faith but…yeah…maybe God made you an Ark."
Emalyn just…sat down then…and Daryl panicked, "Hey now…I don't mean nothing by it…I'm not saying you have to do nothin' or something…shit." Daryl said running an frustrated hand through his hair.
"No…its just…I'm not religious either…after everything I've done and seen the last few weeks. It's just…it's hard to think about this…as being a gift from God…ya know? Like what kinda fucked up God lets shit like this happen? What does he expect me to do about it?! I'm just a woman! One Woman! Aren't most of those people God's chosen in the bible men?! What the fuck?!" Emalyn said as she pulled at her hair from her scalp letting the pain ground her.
Daryl took her hands from her head and held them, squeezed them to keep her from hurting herself, "Hey…hey now…ya don't gotta do nothin'. If God or Jesus or whatever wanted you to save people he shoulda told you how. I didn't mean nothin' by it. Whatever your space is…I'm fucking grateful for it."
Emalyn looked up at him in surprise, "what?"
"Ya heard me, I'm grateful of it and for ya…if ya hadn't picked us up who knows where my brother and I would be….No…I know ya said ya dreamed of me but ya also said yer weren't there. Who knows what woulda happened now that everything ya dreamed of is changed. Yer…yer a miracle Emalyn…I am not about to look a gift horse in the mouth." Daryl said staring into her eyes.
Emalyn felt her face heating up again and then after a minute she got up to go back to searching. "Doesn't matter anyway…I'm just grateful I have it…like you said. If I think on the why's of it too long it will drive me crazy…there is just no way to know…so I won't let myself dwell on it."
They went through the rest of the barn then they found a storage room in the back that had a padlock on it. Emalyn flicked it with her finger taking the locking mechanism into her space and the lock fell off the door right after. When she opened the door the smell hit her in the face, a smell she had gotten all too familiar with nowadays…rot. The groaning started, the shuffling and the two of them tensed, taking out their knives.
When they came out of the darkness into the light of her flashlight she held in her left hand Emalyn grasped and Daryl hissed growled. Two small twin girls, around the age of Bellamy, and a boy Liam's age…the mother was just a torso crawling along the ground. Emalyn felt sick to her stomach…the children's mouths were covered in blood and flesh…it wasn't a pretty picture. It hurt to put them down and when Emalyn did the second girl her attention was on her blonde hair. Emalyn just…went to her knees holding her little body vaguely aware that Daryl had taken care of the other two and was staring at her.
She didn't care.
The little girl in her arms, she had blonde hair like Bellamy, her small hands were similar…her fragile small body laid rotting in Emalyn's arms and all she could see was Bellamy. Emalyn didn't know if it was lucky or not that she had cried herself dry earlier because her eyes burned from wanting tears to fall that were not there. Daryl put a soft hand on her shoulder, "Hey…its not her…ya know that right…she is safe right where you left her."
Emalyn nodded, swallowing the vomit that wanted to force its way up her throat as she raised a shaking hand to the little girl's face knife posed, "It's not just that…Bella needs her face…Andre…Liam." Emalyn felt like she was committing the most heinous sin as she slid her knife under the skin of this tiny girl's neck.
She could do this, she had to do this…Hannibal had shown her how and Bellamy would be safer if she had this…was the mantra Emalyn repeated in her mind as she slowly skinned off that little girl's face. Daryl squeezed her shoulder and stepped back as Emalyn's breath hitched.
There was no way Daryl was right…no way…Emalyn felt like a monster.
How could God have sent her here?
No…this was hell…and the hope her gift gave her was also torturous. She couldn't confide in anyone, she was constantly afraid of being discovered by the wrong people and slowly becoming a monster to ensure the safety of the only pieces of her sister she had left.
Her Brianna.
She was doing this for her, becoming this for her, to protect her children since she had failed so horribly to protect her.
This was penance.
When she was finished Emalyn got up to do the next one only to discover that Daryl had done those two for her, her heart squeezed painfully in her chest as she felt a mixture of gratitude and shame. "Thank you," was all she could say as he took the skinned face from her hands and placed it in a bag with the others. Emalyn turned her attention to the corpses now and since Daryl knew already, she pulled a white sheet from her space heading to the girl she had mutilated. Daryl helped Emalyn wrap her up, until she looked like a tiny mummy and then they moved onto the next child, then the next. The hardest one was the mother, her torso was relatively whole while her legs/hips were bone and so wrapping her corpse up together was harder and stained the white sheet muddy red quickly.
They carried them out to the big tree in the pasture and before Daryl could offer to go get the shovels Emalyn grabbed a six-foot square section of dirt into her space. Then began by lowering the mother into the small grave and then Daryl helped her with arranging the children's smaller bodies around the mother. Then he helped her out of the hole, and she helped him out of the hole.
Emalyn didn't let go of his hand as she put the dirt back over them from her space. He didn't shake her hand off and squeezed her hand back when she squeezed his hand. They hadn't spoken a word while they were working and for a while they stared at the grave. "We should check the room they were in for supplies," Emalyn said as she stared down at the grave feeling nauseous and like a disgusting human being.
"Ya can cry…if ya need ta…" Daryl said as he shifted from foot to foot beside her.
Emalyn smiled a bit at his discomfort, "Thank you…but all my tears have been used up. I…I am sorry I broke down on you."
"Nah…its alright…I ah…I don't mind…" Daryl said gruffly as he squeezed her hand again.
Emalyn sighed, resting her head on his shoulder, "We'll check that room and then hit up the gas station down the way to see if we can fill up those drums…don't have time to…have another break down here."
Reluctantly Emalyn pulled away intending to head back to the room trying to release Daryl's hand, but he just gripped it tighter and led the way back to the room they had found the family in. It was as Emalyn suspected, it looked like a canning storage room, they had shelves and shelves of glass mason jars full of canned vegetables. Daryl held her hand tightly as she walked the room pulling everything she could into her space, more food was always good. "We should check the house for a root cellar…this looks like extra storage." Emalyn said, leading them out and heading to the house a small distance away from the barn.
When they got there Daryl finally released her hand and Emalyn missed the warmth even as she pulled out her silenced gun in a practiced motion while Daryl grabbed his crossbow from his back. They went in cautiously clearing the rooms together to watch each other's back expecting more walkers now.
They found him in the Master bedroom, top blown off his head painting the headboard and wall. The gun shotgun was still in his mouth propping up his body that was slumped over it, he had a blood spattered picture of his family in his left hand. Emalyn took the shot gun allowing his body to fall down to the bed finally, she put it in her space, then she looked up at Daryl, "We'll finish clearing the house, look for more food…when were done we can put him with the rest." She felt like a callous monster, but they had already spent too long here. Daryl nodded at her and then led the way through the rest of the house.
The root cellar was well stocked, full of other things as well, mylar vacuumed packed bags of flour, rice, and pasta as well as a few gallon jars of honey with a home label that told Emalyn they must have bees on the property somewhere or a neighbor or friend with one. Once that was cleared out and the man was carried out to his family Emalyn thought they were done here. However, then she spotted the skittish cows in the pasture and groaned looking at them.
Truthfully, she hadn't managed to get the full thousand cattle head she had wanted before she had crossed over and it looked like there were twenty out there. Daryl saw her looking and commented, "They will be a pain in the ass corralling…looks like they will bolt the moment they see us."
Emalyn nodded sighing as she pulled the tranquillizer guns from her space handing him one with a case of ten darts, "How's target practice sound?"
Daryl grinned at her, "Like a good way to blow off steam!"
She grinned back and Daryl drove the truck a bit closer to the herd before they got on top of the camper shell of the truck to lay down, side by side, as they shot cows with tranquillizer darts. "Try not to shoot them more than once with these…it might kill them and ruin the meat." Emalyn cautioned before they each started picking off cows, she had the left side and Daryl had the right it made the cows group together tighter but kept them from running off too far.
There were thirty-eight cows in the end.
Emalyn put the guns back in her space and Daryl hopped down from the truck to help her down gripping her hips as she slid down to soften the fall. When Emalyn turned around, she realized Daryl hadn't moved back so they were standing chest to chest very close together as he looked at her and she looked up at him. Dimly in the back of her mind Emalyn wondered if she smelled horrible considering everything they had been up to today and also wondering why Daryl still smelled good under the faint traces of their exploits.
His lips were a bit chapped; Emalyn knew she was being awkward and stupid standing in Daryl's arms staring at his mouth saying nothing.
She was wondering what he would do if she kissed him and just as she made the barest movement forward Daryl seemed to shake himself awake, pulling away. "Sorry," he said gruffly stepping back. Emalyn felt her neck and ears heating up in a blush, she was glad he probably couldn't see under her hair.
That was embarrassing.
Before Emalyn could apologize as well, Daryl grabbed her hand leading her out to the field the herd was in, already the majority were laid down passed out and by the time they were done with the first ones the rest would be down as well. It took a while to get them all, but Emalyn was near to bursting with excitement this, this was an amazing find.
Daryl held her hand through the entire thing, and she wasn't quite sure what to make of that. It was comforting and Emalyn was scared to comment on it in the fear that he would stop. When they were finally leaving the place Emalyn was actually happy to drive with only one hand since the other seemed to be held captive by Daryl…she didn't say a word of protest against that. Actually, she had been very grateful that the house they had searched had running well water since her hands had been filthy from moving the bodies.
When they made it to the gas station Daryl let go of her hand to grab the electric pump from the back seat and Emalyn grabbed the tool bag they had prepared to get into the underground tanks. Daryl took the bag from her when they got to the gas tank cover caps and began to work on getting them open while she went back to get the drums. It was actually so much faster and easier to be able to use her space around Daryl because it only took her a minute to grab the drums walk back and place them next to Daryl.
Seeing Daryl was struggling with the cap Emalyn grinned and pulled it into her space. "Fuck!" Daryl said startled looking up to her grinning face right next to his own he caught her eyes and grunted. "Why the hell ya even bring these tools if ya didn't even need 'em?" Daryl growled back.
Emalyn just grinned at him, "Gotta keep up appearances."
"Nah ya just like watching me struggle!" Daryl challenged.
"Maybe a bit," Emalyn teased as she handed Daryl the pump.
Since she was turned away Emalyn didn't catch the bashful look that had taken over Daryl's face before he quickly schooled it back to his gruff teasing one when she turned back around to face him. Daryl got the pump working and Emalyn opened up the first drum once the gas started to come up so they could begin filling them. This gas station didn't have a generator, but they weren't sure how much they might have been able to pump from their tanks before the electricity went down. Each of the drums held 55 gallons and they had six of them so 330 gallons total.
"What's the plan after we get this done?" Daryl asked as the first drum slowly filled.
"Get the truck's gas tank topped off, then go through the station, food, cigarettes, drinks, grab all of that. Then we get back to camp, I think we should unload the drums at night on the other side of the RVs so the other group can't see them. I don't want to use the drums…I want to save them for the CDC." Emalyn said as she put the cap back on the first drum pulling it into her space. Daryl grabbed the next one as she went to put the full drum back into the bed.
"Why do ya wanna go to the CDC so badly? Don't ya know all that shit from yer dreams?" Daryl said curiously when she got back.
"That's the thing, I had the dreams but it doesn't mean what I think I know is true. I feel better knowing these things with my own experience in reality than trusting something as…intangible as that. Plus, the CDC will have computers I can use to project the decay rate of the walkers. I have some idea from the dream, but I really am hoping they are wrong." Emalyn said as she rolled the next drum up closer to the pump so Daryl could start filling it right away.
"Why ya hoping they are wrong?" Daryl asked.
Emalyn stilled, her hand holding the cap top on the third drum hovered over it and then she forced herself to move, "Because the decay rate I dreamed of is fucked."
"How fucked?" Daryl asked tense.
"From a few months to decades delayed fucked." Emalyn said as she pulled the second one in as he started to fill the third.
Daryl waited for her to come back from putting the second one in the bed before he asked, "What will we do if its decades fucked?"
Emalyn got really quiet, they stared into each other's eyes as the third drum filled, "That's the thing, isn't it? This isn't just our extinction event if its decades fucked…its everything on land that they can get a hold of. We can go north like we're planning…the long winters and colder climates will make them slow or frozen…but it will also make it hard to sustain ourselves since growing crops to feed us or livestock will be a challenge. There are millions upon millions of people on this continent alone, every person that dies is another one that joins the horde…legions of the undead that would make settling anywhere nearly impossible."
Daryl scowled, stared off into space for a long while, then said, "What's the point in all of this then? Of doing anything?"
Emalyn met his anger head on, staring down his pained hopeless eyes without flinching, "The point is that I am not giving in, I'm not giving up, I don't care if my brain says its hopeless, that logically we are doomed and eventually everyone is going to die…I don't care. I'm not gonna stop fighting, not for a moment, I don't care what I have to do, who I have to become, I will survive, and I will make sure my sister's children live. I don't have it in me to just give in or give up, it isn't in me to give in. So, I don't care! Every moment more I can give them, every breath they take is another I gave them…maybe we don't have a future…not really…not anymore…but I am never giving up."
It was like the air went out of him and he deflated, "Yer right…ain't nothing changed…not really…eventually everyone dies…might as well die fighting. Die on your feet. Die screaming that you ain't giving in to no one and nothing…my brother always says…ain't nothing killing a Dixon but a Dixon. I don't have it in me to give up neither." Daryl went back to filling the drums and they fell into a quiet moment where they just worked not speaking to each other each caught up in their own thoughts.
Emalyn felt like a weight lifted off her shoulders…telling Daryl that. Because it had been brewing in the back of her mind since she had gotten here and at times the looming inevitability of what it meant to live in a world that was full of undead zombies threatened to drag her down into despair. However, it was true…she didn't care anymore. What was the point of dwelling on the day she would inevitably lose the fight? What was the point of giving up? Every day, every moment was a gift she was giving to those two kids…and it had to be enough.
When they finished with the drums Daryl led the way to check out the gas station and they cleared it out, food, cigarettes, drinks, oil, some car batteries, everything that they could use went into her space. Then Emalyn emptied out the gas from the remaining tanks underground into her space.
"Ya can do that? Take in the gas no container no nothing? Just gas?" Daryl asked curious.
"Yeah, its not like anything ever touches anything in there…it's kinda like an inventory in a video game but not 'cause I don't have like boxes or a screen or nothing…I just know its there." Emalyn said.
"I ain't ever played games before." Daryl commented, "So I'll take your word for it."
Emalyn looked at him surprised, "You haven't ever played video games?!"
"Nah…ain't ever have the money fer something like that and then later when I was knocking around with Merle…didn't really have time to think about doing any of that." Daryl said as he jumped into the passage side of the car.
"Well…fuck…I guess I'm gonna have to take out one of my Nintendo switches and teach you how to play." Emalyn said.
"What the fuck is a Nintendo Switch?" Daryl asked confused.
Emalyn just laughed, "Nah really the hell is that?" Daryl asked to her continued laughter.