"Life as a Dyad"
By EsmeAmelia
Chapter 17
"Brainwashed . . .
Brainwashed . . .
You're brainwashed . . ."
The voice shouted in Gavin's mind as he ran down the bright, sterile corridor, unsure where he was going, only knowing that he had to get away or the bad people would get him.
"You're brainwashed . . ."
Up and down the branching hallways, the sharp smell of antiseptic clogging his nostrils, his heart ramming against his ribs. They were coming, they were almost here, he could feel it!
"There you are!"
The hands emerged from behind him, squeezing him around the torso to the point of pain and no matter how much he screamed and kicked, he couldn't break himself free. They yanked him back, back, back . . .
"You're brainwashed . . ."
Suddenly he was in a darkened room, the hands strapping him to a cold, hard table.
"Don't be afraid," said a deep, hard, menacing voice. "It won't hurt, and when it's over, you'll be happy."
A scream built up in Gavin's throat, but his mouth couldn't emit it.
"You'll be happy," the voice continued. "Happy and content and you'll love me. Why, you'll even call me your father!"
. . .
"Gavin! Gavin! Wake up!"
Gavin woke mid-scream to find Lindin hovering over him, shaking his shoulder. The bedroom lights were on and his covers were twisted around his legs.
"You okay?" Lindin asked. "You were screaming bloody murder."
It took several deep breaths before Gavin could speak, and even then the question that came out wasn't the one he'd intended. "What do you think of my dad?"
"What?"
"Tell me honestly. What do you think of my dad?"
Lindin stared at him as if he wondered if Gavin was still half-asleep. "I think he's got a lotta issues and it's not really my place to comment on them."
"That's not an answer." Gavin shuffled to a sitting position, staring his roommate in the eye. "You're scared of him, admit it! After all, he's a convicted murderer!"
Lindin's eyes bulged as if Gavin had punched him. "Look, he helped save you, I appreciate that."
"But you're still scared of him," said Gavin. "Are you scared of me too?"
"Of course not."
"Why not? After all, I'm the son of a convicted murderer!"
"We aren't our parents!" Lindin said too quickly, immediately twisting his mouth and seeming to realize that he'd said exactly the wrong thing. "I'm sorry."
"Why?" asked Gavin, feeling pressure building up in his chest. "It's true, isn't it? You're not scared of me cause I'm not my wicked evil dad! I bet you pity me just like that guy does! You pity how I got brainwashed into loving him because I was too young to know better when I was adopted and now it's too late to force myself to stop loving him!"
Now Lindin's eyes were lowered. "Look Gavin, that guy said a lot of shit and I get that you're all distressed from that, but don't take it out on us!"
The pressure on Gavin's chest felt like a small murmur, creeping around and struggling to get out. "I'm sorry," he muttered. "I just, I got a lotta stress on me right now. My dad's been through hell and I think he's having trouble adjusting to life in the free world." He let out a sigh. "And it doesn't help that the world thinks he deserves hell."
. . .
That evening, Rey arranged a small gathering at the Solos' apartment, inviting Gavin, Finn, Poe, Chewie, Lando, Rose, Jannah, Paige, Landa, and the droids for casual dinner and socializing. Finger foods and drinks were set out in the kitchen and people could fill their plates however they wanted.
Gavin, however, sat alone in the kitchen. He hadn't bothered to fill a plate, pour a drink, or even greet the other guests for fear that he might ruin the evening for the others. Ben had enough to worry about right now without Gavin burdening him with that damn word brainwashed, especially since he could sense that for once his father seemed to be enjoying himself.
"Hey."
Gavin looked up and there was Paige, a cup of Rodian cola in her hand. "Hi," he muttered.
Paige crinkled her lip. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing," Gavin said too quickly to be convincing.
Paige's lip crinkled further. "It's about how that guy called you brainwashed, isn't it?"
"Who told you about that?"
"Well, your parents told Chewie and Chewie told Grandpa and Grandpa told Mama and Mama told the rest of us."
A loud groan escaped, though Gavin supposed he couldn't have expected something like this to remain a secret. "Look, I'm okay. The guy was an idiot who didn't understand anything about us anyway."
Paige looked like she was about to tell him off for lying, but before she could do so, 3PO's voice came bellowing from the living room. "Attention everyone!" he shouted. "R2 has something very special to show all of you!"
"What's this?" Paige asked.
"No idea," said Gavin. "Guess we'd better go find out."
. . .
"Attention!" 3PO said once everyone was gathered in the living room. "Since we are celebrating Little Master Ben's return from prison, R2 has a special surprise for all of you!"
R2 gave a happy beep, rolling back and forth as the guests applauded.
"Go ahead, R2," said 3PO. "Show them."
With another happy beep, R2 shone a light out of his eye, projecting a life-size hologram of a dark-hair baby standing on the floor, his tiny hand reaching out at something. From his place at the end of the sofa, Ben gulped, his hand squeezing his drink - he knew this recording, though it had been many years since he'd last seen it.
"Ben?" came the achingly familiar voice of his mother, tightening his chest. "Do you like R2?" the recorded voice said in a high tone. "Is R2 fun?"
The baby gave a happy coo, his holographic hand thumping on the side of R2's dome - simultaneously thumping on R2 of the past and R2 of the present.
"Yes," Leia's recorded voice continued. "Yes, R2's fun!"
Ben inhaled, swallowing the tears threatening to prick at his eyelids.
Now the baby giggled, drawing various "awww" sounds from the audience.
"Can you say 'R2,' Ben?" It was Han's deep, comforting voice. "Can ya say 'R2'?"
Ben gulped.
The holographic baby babbled some more, though there was a distinct "oooh" sound at the end of the babbling, which drew a joyous laugh from Han.
"He said it!" Though Han wasn't visible in the recording, Ben could easily see his father's proud grin in his mind. "He said 'R2!' Our boy's a little genius!"
As the recording ended, the audience gave a fresh chorus of "awww!" sounds, followed by applause, but Ben could only stare at the spot where his infant self had been a moment before, knowing nothing of the future, knowing only that he liked the beeping droid.
. . .
Further entertainment was provided by the Tico-Calrissian girls - Paige playing her miniature keyboard she'd brought with her and Landa singing to her accompaniment. They performed an angry breakup song that was apparently really popular with teenagers right now, so of course Ben had never heard it. How much popular culture had he missed out on? Should he compile a list of holofilms and songs that he wanted to experience? Where would he even start with such a list?
"My granddaughters!" Lando exclaimed with pride once the song ended and the audience started applauding.
Once Paige and Landa were seated again, Rey wrapped her arm around her husband. "Ben," she said, "I have something to tell you." A grin was pulling at the edge of her lips, as if this particular something had been bubbling up inside her all evening.
"What?" Ben asked.
"Remember after you got out of prison, how I brought up that we never had a honeymoon?"
"Yeah," said Ben, "but I don't have leave to travel off-planet yet."
"Who said anything about off-planet?" said Rey, that beautiful grin now stretching across her face. "It won't be a complete honeymoon, but it can be like a mini-honeymoon."
"What do you mean?"
"I booked us a reservation at a hotel for this weekend," said Rey, squeezing his hand. "It's got a pool and a restaurant and a dance club and it's not far away, so with your anti-nausea pills you should be able to handle the speeder ride there."
For a moment Ben just stared at her, unsure what to say. It sounded like fun - lots of fun - but after what happened at the holocinema, he couldn't help but feel apprehensive.
She squeezed his hand harder. "It'll be okay," she whispered. "Any time you start to feel uncomfortable, we can just go back to our room." She leaned over and kissed his cheek. "Also, I checked - they've got good security too."
The mere fact that she had to ask about the security was enough to knot up Ben's stomach, remind him that he wasn't any regular hotel guest and had to be protected from the possible rage of other guests.
Some part of him wanted to say he wasn't ready for this. Rey would surely understand.
But another part was saying something else.
Seven years of life lost to the dark side.
Twenty years of life lost to prison.
How much more time will you lose being afraid?
"Okay," he said, smiling at his wife and squeezing her hand back. "Let's do it."