Can't Get to Heaven

Gym class comes right after lunch. It's a total disaster from start to finish. About what I expected, since I am the world's clumsiest human, and in gym class there's no place to hide. But today is actually worse than usual. To start with, I of course don't have a uniform yet, so I am worried about getting my shirt sweaty. There are two more classes after gym – and who knows who I might be sitting next to.

We're doing volleyball, and I can't get it over the net to save my soul. I try to concentrate on not hitting any nearby classmates with my ricochets. Why can't I be in Phoenix, where they only require two years of P.E., and now I'd be able to sit in study hall? Oh, yeah, that's right, I chose to come here.

The real problem is that all through gym class I'm trying to figure out whether I am being too much of a baby if I try to find some way to get out of that Biology class. If it were just the one outburst, I'm over it already. But it's more than that. It's this furious hostility. I'd felt it sitting next to him that whole 50 minutes of class. I felt it at lunch, even across the width of the entire cafeteria. And whatever it is that I have done to offend Edward Cullen, he certainly isn't going to forgive me now that I have sat with the 'haters'.

I honestly don't care whether what the kids said about his family is true or not. It's not incest if you're not related; and the stuff about Edward and the parents has to be bull. Doesn't it? I don't even care if he's gay. Whatever he is, a person can't help who they're attracted to. But he isn't going to care about what I think. I doubt he would even listen if I tried to talk to him.

Ok, I'll tell the truth. I'm just not brave enough for anything as direct as actually talking to him. But that doesn't mean I have to be subjected to poison arrows being shot at me point blank from here to eternity. Every time I think of sitting elbow to elbow with a beautiful boy who hates me, my heart just sinks all the way down to China.

So here I am, plotting and planning and screwing up my courage to go to the office lady and see if I can get switched to a different science class. Any class, as long as it's not with Edward Cullen.

"Bella! Look out!"

I flail with my arms, and almost poke Mike in the eye as he's diving in to save me from the spike that is making some kind of a bee-line for my face.

"Are you ok?"

"Are you ok?"

And we're kind of falling all over ourselves and each other. It would be funny, if I hadn't already had my fill of humiliation for one day. And that settles it. I'm going to the office straight after my last class. There must be some kind of clause in school policy that says students don't have to stay in an environment that wrecks their concentration.

Out of the corner of my eye, I notice that Jessica isn't laughing.

The last bell rings at 2:15. The sky is gloomy enough that it might as well be sunset already. A wind has picked up that's whipping the almost drizzle across the parking lots. It isn't quite cold enough to freeze, but for sure way colder than Phoenix. I make my way toward the center building with its brightly lit office.

Just before I step through the door, a voice stops me dead. I peek around the doorframe and get a face full of warm air. They must have the heat fan on inside, and it's getting sucked out by the wind and mist at the door. And yes, there is Edward Cullen, with his unruly auburn hair, jacket hanging just right from his angular shoulders, and both hands braced on the office lady's desk, as he leans over her and speaks in the voice of an angel.

"I was wondering if you could help me with my schedule."

I spin back outside and slap my back to the brick wall. My feet tangle up in the turn, and for a sick moment I think that I'm going to fall. The wall saves me.

Oh. My. God! That – He beat me to it! I know I should be glad. He's solving the problem for me. But instead I just feel mad. I'm the aggrieved party, here, not him. I'm the one who got called 'stink' in front of everyone. What is his problem?

He's making a very persuasive case. He's willing to transfer into any of a number of classes – Physics, Chemistry, the other Biology section. Even independent study. I lean against the wall with my eyes closed. His voice is all low and soft and mesmerizing. If it were me, I'd give him the moon. I'm sure the office lady – Mrs. Cope, I hear him call her – would, too.

A girl I don't know brushes past me on the way into the office. She glances at my face apologetically before going through the door. A gust of wind follows her, pulling my hair across my face, and almost around the doorframe. I guess she's interrupted them because there's a silence. Then the girl darts back out and heads toward the parking lots. I hear Edward saying, all polite and proper, "Never mind then, I can see that it's impossible. Thank you for your help." But his voice sounds like someone is strangling him.

Next thing I know, he's pushing out past the door. He turns his face toward me and gives me the blackest look I've ever seen. Really. His irises are so black that I can't see his pupils. At all. They could be fixed and dilated for all I can see. Or nothing but pinpricks.

And his tender, beautiful lips are twisted into a silent snarl. Even the curve of his body as he turns to me seemed to say. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? GET OUT! I feel the short little hairs on the back of my neck stand straight on end.

And then he's gone. Walking, yet faster than thought, he's getting into that sweet little silver Volvo. The parking lot is pretty empty already – most kids leave school as soon as they can. The silver Volvo peels out of the parking lot without a sound, and looks like it's already doing 6o before it passes the first curve.

I start to slide down against the office building wall, then stop myself. I'll get nothing but wet if I sit down here. And I'm plenty cold enough, already. I tip my head back, knocking it against the brick. Sometimes looking upward can keep tears from falling.

If Edward Cullen with his beautiful face and hypnotic voice and perfect manners can't get a schedule change, what hope do I have? I'm doomed. A whole half-year of sitting next to him. This is so unfair. And he's the one being a baby. It can't be a thousandth as bad for him as it's going to be for me. Even if I smell like a pigsty. Which I don't.

I still have to pass in my registration slips. I go inside, and hand everything to Mrs. Cope. She asks me how my first day was and I say 'great'. You can take that as a lie or the truth, depending how it's said.

My big red monster is waiting faithfully, right where I parked it. Even starts on the first try. I am so grateful. We roll out slowly – I'm still a new driver, you know – and head back to the house.