"A Thousand Points of Light"

Author: carmen_085

Disclaimer: This story is based on characters from James Cameron's Titanic, not any real people. I do not own Titanic or any characters from the movie. I do own all original characters.

Summary: Fifth Officer Harold Lowe and Titanic's Nurse Clara Barnett lives become intertwined on the ship's maiden voyage when a young drifter is brutally beaten.

Chapter Seven

The comfort of Harry's warm embrace was short lived as he squeezed her tightly before nodding toward his bed. "Stay here, I'm going to find out what's happened…" Pulling a wool sweater over his t-shirt he tugged on his work boots instead of the shiny officer's shoes he was mandated to wear while on watch. Something wasn't right, he didn't want to scare Clara but it he could feel it. A ship Titanic's size didn't creak and groan like that unless something had gone terribly wrong. Smoothing his hair down he cast a look at her, throwing her a crooked smile he stepped out closing the door behind him.

Despite his intuition, Harry wished that this was all nothing. Not because Clara was sitting in his bed but because he had every intention of finding Hockley and beating him senseless. It would be worth it to lose his job, even worth it to go to jail. What kind of entitled prick puts his hands on a woman ? It made his blood boil just thinking about it. He was lost in thought because he hadn't a clue that Jimmy was barreling toward him until his junior officer nearly knocked him over. His normal smile was gone and instead his young face was painted white with fear. Reaching out Harry grabbed him by the arm.

"Slow down. What's happened ?" His friend's eyes landed on his face before darting away. It took Harry a moment to realize that the younger man was shaking as he could have sworn he heard his heart thumping in his chest. "Jimmy ?"

Moody licked his lips before shaking his head. "We've hit an ice berg…" Harry's grip loosened as he blinked. It couldn't be true. Harry'd been worried about ice for days; even defying orders and slowing the ship down on his watch last night. Still, he couldn't believe it had actually happened. Fucking hell. Moody notched his head toward the bridge. "Captain sent me to fetch Mr. Andrews…sound the ship and see what we're dealing with down below."

Harry nodded letting him go and listening as his shoes raced toward the first class entrance off the boat deck. His mind began to spin in circles. If anything happened to the ship tonight, Clara would not be able to get off. The crew were last to leave, obviously giving the passengers priority, with only those needed to man the boats given space. He inhaled sharply shaking his head. He was getting ahead of himself, this might not be that serious. Yes he was sure the ship was damaged but that didn't mean it would sink. He just needed to see what the hell was going on.

Rounding the corner to the bridge his eyes fell on Quartermaster Hitchens still standing at the wheel his eyes wide with disbelief. Harry cast a look at him before seeing the Captain on the starboard side of the ship leaned over the railing. Even in the meager lighting he could see the man was half dressed with an untucked shirt and a loose tie. Next to him Murdoch stood speechless, his face covered with sweat, and his lips moving but no sound coming out. He'd been the officer of the watch with Moody as his junior no doubt fetching tea or making rounds. Besides Jimmy, Murdoch was the only other officer he could tolerate. A friendly and kind man, the only fault Harry could find was his desire to please. Never daring to question an order or go against anything the captain wanted. Harry met his eyes and he promptly looked away, the poor bastard taking this on himself entirely.

The Captain turned seemingly just noticed he was there. "Mr. Lowe. You and Mr. Moody are familiar with the lifeboats." Harry nodded quickly. Everyone should be familiar with the lifeboats but the Captain had deferred the drill this morning seeing it as unnecessary. "When he gets back begin uncovering and swinging them out…" Harry swallowed hard; the Captain wouldn't raise that sort of alarm unless it was necessary. At all costs, he refused to make any bad press for this maiden voyage.

"Yes Sir."

Lightoller breezed onto the bridge just as Harry left, the second officer's watch just having ended at ten he was relieved to find a warm bed as he popped the aspirins Clara gave him. His shoulder, while much better than before, ached with soreness. As much as it pained him, he would need to find Mr. Lowe in the morning and take back what he'd said about Clara. Never one to like admitting when he was wrong, he couldn't have been more wrong about the ship's nurse. He could see why Harry was so enamored with the fiesty American just as he himself had found it difficult to keep his hands off Sylvia on their own fateful voyage some years ago. Now it seemed something had happened and his awkward apology would have to wait.

"Sir ?" Lightoller looked at the Captain. Just then Mr. Andrews and one of the head stewards breezed into the chart room, with them blueprints of the ship. Lightoller followed the crowd eager to know what had just happened while Harry turned back toward his cabin. Whatever was happening, Clara would be much safer up here with him than below decks.

He was surprised to find her standing on the boat deck peering over the railing at the now stagnant ship. "What are you doing out here ? It's freezing and your face…" She didn't respond nor did she look at him right away.

"Is the ship sinking ?" Harry stopped and followed her gaze to the forward most portholes near the bow just above the water line. Their warm light casting a glow both above and below the freezing ocean. He immediately shook his head.

"No. They closed to the doors immediately." He wondered if he actually totally believed that. Either way, without any proof there was no reason they should panic. Accidents happened on ships all the time- he should know- surviving plenty of sketchy situations and near sinkings himself. "We've struck an ice berg though." She looked down at the freezing water blinking before looking back at him.

"I know." She pointed to the air, illuminated by nothing but the stars. "Look." Tiny ice crystals floated in the air, sticking to her hair like delicate, shining snow flakes. In that moment Harry was filled with so many emotions- some of which he couldn't even identify. He'd never felt so much for someone in his entire life. Pulling her into his arms he didn't care who was watching as he kissed her. Careful not to hurt the bruised and swollen parts of her face, he was gentle and loving in a way that he'd never been with her and Clara felt it moaning against his lips and leaning against him. It would just figure that she'd find this man and mere days later some kind of disaster would strike. Everything in her life had gone the hard way and what she had with Harry seemed no different. Blinking back tears, she looked away. "Hey.." He gently took her chin turning it back so that their eyes met. "Everything's going to be alright…you'll see." Shaking her head she didn't know how to put the trepidation she felt into words. "Go below and get your things, lock up the infirmary. Whatever happens you'll be better off up here on the boat deck with me." She stilled, cocking her head slightly as her fear evaporated into something else.

"What about my patients ?" Leaving helpless, sick or injured people behind didn't sit well with her especially not to save her own neck. Harry exhaled knowing she was about to argue with him. Under any other circumstances he would have met her head on with an argument of his own, but not here…not now. Right now he needed to lie to her because the thought of something happening to her made him absolutely insane with worry.

"Clara, most likely the forward compartment is flooded, we'll pump it out and have to limp into New York. I've seen it before." He bit his tongue hard knowing there was more to this but not wanting her to do anything stupid. "Get our things just in case and then once everything is settled I'll go with you to check on your patients…alright ?"

She studied him for a moment before nodding slowly. "Alright.." He kissed her again giving her an honest smile before notching his head toward the stairs.

"The captain has me getting the lifeboats ready just in case. I'll be right here when you get back.."

The doubt on her face deepened. If this was nothing why were the lifeboats being swung out ? She frowned at him but decided there was no use arguing. Once she went below decks she would find out for herself sure enough. Leaning into his lips she kissed him once more before turning and disappearing toward the crew stairs at the back of the ship.

Rose's face stung as she held a hand to her cheek. Her mother had conveniently disappeared leaving her alone with Cal and his uncontrollable rage. She and Jack had shown up after seeing the iceberg for themselves, wanting to warn Cal and her mother that they should ready themselves to evacuate but as usual Cal had other plans. Rose's mind reeled wondering how the diamond had gotten into Jack's pocket. She'd never left him and she knew he wasn't that sort of man. The master of arms showed up before a single protest could form on her lips. This was all so absurd; the ship may very well be sinking and they were playing some stupid little game.

When everyone was gone he didn't hesitate to hit her straight across the face making her eyes water and her cheek ache.

"A little slut is it…" She was his possession and she'd embarrassed him tonight. The door clicked open and she hoped it was someone other than her mother coming in for her turn next.

"Mr. Hockley." Cal stared at the steward with disgust.

"Not now we're busy." The steward persisted shaking his head.

"Sir. I've been told to ask you to put on your lifebelts and come up to the boat deck." Cal sneered at him shaking his head, the smell of brandy wafting her way.

"I said not now." Rose idly wondered if he'd slap the steward too if he chose not to listen.

Turning, the steward's lips pulled into a thin line. Miffed- the British version of annoyed, he set his stance to show this was serious. "I'm sorry to inconvenience you, Mr. Hockely, but it's Captain's orders. Now please dress warmly it's quite cold tonight." Cal's lips spread into an amused smirk.

"This is ridiculous…" He walked past her and for the first time tonight she noticed the spray of blood on his collar. Tucked into the lapel of his jacket it was half hidden but there all the same. Her stomach churned knowing that he'd hurt someone else tonight and just like last time it was all her fault.

Clara gingerly touched her face. It ached and pulled something awful and she knew it must have been swollen around her eye. Still she could see normally and for that she was grateful knowing something was gravely wrong despite Harry's weak reassurance. Descending into the ship she arrived on E Deck first intending to gather her coat and identification and then to the infirmary to lock it up. There was a man there sitting with a head injury, the third class fellow. She'd try to get him up and out, perhaps his injury allowing him a pass into the boats if needed.

Unlike the boat deck which was eerily quiet when she'd left, Scotland Road was a buzz of activity with stewards hustling in every direction. She tried to remember what her official White Star Line training said to do in an emergency. Lock up the infirmary and help any injured to the boat deck and into lifeboats. Seemed straight forward enough although she couldn't help but to wonder how the protocol might change seeing as how there wasn't enough lifeboat space for everyone aboard. She took a deep breath coming upon her cabin near the middle of the ship.

Clara didn't have many possessions leaving nearly everything except what she needed back at her apartment in the Bronx. She did have a steamer trunk, though, where she kept her papers, change of clothing, and identification as an American citizen. Falling to her knees she pulled the trunk out from beneath her bunk. She'd donned her coat over the layers of material she wore as her uniform and her life belt too, sitting on the rack above her bed if for nothing else than to set a good example. Stuffing her citizenship papers into her pocket, her fingers found something else as she gasped quietly.

She and her mama had been in the garden all day pulling weeds and tending to the vegetables. Steven, still in diapers and toddling about, sat and watched eating dirt and babbling to himself in a language only he could understand. Her daddy was due back today- another mission with the Calvary to set up housing on the nearby reservations. She missed her daddy something awful and prayed for his return every night.

The sun was beginning to dip into the western sky as she plucked a bouquet of lavender and her mama sang softly. Clara loved to sit and stare at her mama- she was so pretty with her long dark hair tied back into a braid and her clear blue eyes reflecting the sun light. When her daddy was gone her mama was their whole world singing them to sleep at night with tenderness and love while at the same time protecting the homestead, shooting a wolf who came too close to their chickens. She was a true frontier woman; kind but just as tough as any man.

Henry, a mutt of sorts who'd come to live with them that winter, perked up letting out a bark as his pointed ears turned toward the ground. Clara searched the horizon searching for a sign of her daddy and nearly yelped with delight when the cloud of dust appeared. Her mama, always cautious, ushered her into the house along with Steven. It could be anyone barreling their way and taking the shotgun she stood in the doorway ready to die protecting her children. Clara knew the drill, hide near the back door and if everything went to hell take Steven and run.

She saw her mama lower the shotgun and she knew right then it was her daddy. Springing to her feet she bolted from her hiding place pushing past her mama and running out the door. He swung off his horse, the glint of his uniform reflecting in the sun, as he scooped her up in his arms and swung her around.

"Daddy! You're back !" He laughed kissing her, tickling her with his five day old facial growth, making her squeal with delight.

"I sure am Clare- bear and look at what I got you." He always brought them back something when he was away, last time he brought her a feather and she could hardly contain herself wanting to see what he had now. Opening his hand she saw a little round glass ball with a cut of blue through the middle. "It's a marble and when I saw it it reminded me of your mothers beautiful eyes." Clara looked back at her mother smiling before taking the object in her little hands, marveling at how it looked in the waning sunlight.

Pulling the marble from her pocket she rolled the smooth piece of glass back and forth in her fingers. It was one of the few things she had left of her father. Smiling slightly she nearly gasped when it shot out from between her sweaty fingers and hit the floor. It was only then when she bent over that she felt off balance wondering if that prick Hockley had done some actual damage. And then it donned on her; the ship was listing forward. Clara fell to her knees picking the marble up she set it on the floor in front of her watching as it rolled away. Again and again she did the same not believing her eyes.

"How much time ?" The Captain's voice rose above the deathly quiet inside the chart room. All of the ships officers, Mr. Andrews, and a very annoyed Mr. Ismay crowded around the blue prints of the ship. Harry tapped his foot nervously, he and Jimmy uncovered the lifeboats and were in the process of swinging them out when the captain called them all to the bridge. The ship was going to sink, it was a certainty at this point, the only question was how much time they had. Exhaling a shaky breath Harry wanted to punch himself in the teeth for sending Clara back below decks. He knew the ship was sinking but judging by the look on Andrews' face he'd underestimated how quickly. His masterpiece was foundering and as his lip quivered he met the Captain's gaze exhaling.

"An hour…two at the most." He shook his head. "All this will be at the bottom of the North Atlantic." Harry stood there only because he had to, because it was mandated by his position and while he normally shirked unnecessary decorum, he knew this was more about discipline. In an emergency it was really all they had to keep their wits about them. Squeezing his hands so tight his knuckles turned white, he fought to stay where he was and not run below decks to find her immediately.

"How many on board ?" The first officer blinked swallowing hard.

"Two thousand two hundred souls." The Captain sighed deeply as he turned to look at Ismay.

"Well Mr. Ismay I believe you may get your headlines…" the owner of the line stood slack jawed. Harry had seen and heard enough. There was work to be done and a woman he needed to find. No way in hell would he leave the ship without knowing she was safely in a boat.

Turning he shouldered past Lightoller who followed, grabbing him by the arm. "We need to get swung out and ready." Harry looked at him debating whether he should tell the man to piss off and completely abandon all duties as a ship's officer. Softening his expression for the first time since the day they'd met, Lightoller leaned toward him keeping his voice low. "She'll be alright. I'll see to it that she gets on a boat." Harry jumped back as if he had been stung with surprise. Something had obviously transpired that he wasn't aware of because aside from a meteor falling from the sky and hitting this man over the head he wasn't sure there could be any other explanation for this. Straightening himself up again, Lightoller nodded his head toward the boat deck. "We'll need her expertise, surely there will be many injured and sick that need her care."

Harry was speechless wondering if this was all a ploy to refocus him on the task at hand. He exhaled reluctantly knowing as a ship's officer he was responsible for every person on this ship and seeing to their safe evacuation should be his utmost priority Still, he could't help but to feel that she was the only one who mattered. Nodding he resigned himself to the situation and said a silent prayer that Clara was just as tough and smart as he knew her to be, that she would find her way back to him because if she didn't appear soon the paltry restraint he had would certainly crumble.

The first relief of the night came when Clara arrived to the infirmary to find it completely empty. The third class man with the head injury must have either gotten himself out or had one of the stewards assist him. Taking a quick look around she saw nothing that could even remotely help in this situation and decided whatever happened she would deal with it as it came. Over her uniform she wore a long wool coat and her life belt fastened securely. Her hair long and down around her shoulders she wore Harry's beanie on her head and her brown work boots on her feet. She was as warm she could be and even sweating a little as she locked the door to the infirmary and resolved to head straight to the boat deck. Harry must be worried sick about her.

"Help !…Help…help !" A man out of breath appeared suddenly, his pants soaking wet Clara's eyes widened realizing that passenger areas were now flooding. He jammed his finger in the air pointing from the direction he'd just come. It was obvious to her that he spoke no English and after a moment or two she remembered that she'd seen him before. The traveling companion of the steerage fellow with the terrible leg lac from their very first day, he watched on concerned every day since when she came to change the bandage and check the wound. Grabbing her arm he began to pull her with him. Clara's initial reaction was to pull away but she quickly remembered that saving herself needed to come after seeing to any patient who needed her help. After a moment she nodded letting him know that he didn't need to drag her and with that they were off, down the stairs onto E deck along Scotland Road and toward the front of the ship. It had only been a half hour since she'd left her quarters but already she could feel the ship listing further forward. In fact, it seemed as though they were running down hill faster and faster until they came to a stairwell.

"He…no move…I try…" He pointed down the stairwell and Clara gasped. Water was two thirds of the way up and climbing. The immigrant saw her hesitation and doubled down. "Please…please help." Clara exhaled slowly, she couldn't just leave him down there, still the water was freezing. Lapping against hallway lights it cast an eerie green glow. After a moment Clara nodded her head.

"Alright." Reaffirming this crazy decision she nodded again. "Alright…" Shucking her lifebelt and coat to the floor she knew it would only hold her down. That and she'd likely need a warm layer to put it on once this was all over. Clara held onto the railing staring at the water wondering what the hell she was about to do. Her lower lip trembled slightly as she took a step and then another down the stairs. The water lapped up and over her boots seeping in through the eyelets soaking her feet and sending a chill up spine. Behind her she could hear the immigrant breathing just as heavily as she. There was no use dwelling on it, she'd resolved not to leave anyone behind and unless she did this she would be going back on her word. The water soaked the bottom of skirts and the minute it touched her legs she gasped. So unbelievably cold it was painful she forced herself to march down the stairs until she was waist high and could get a good look around.

F Deck was eerily quite with everyone seemingly gone to the boat deck or fled aft to drier ground. The ship creaked and moaned as the lights flickered. Fear shot through her and for the tenth time since she'd committed to this; she thought it was a mistake. Just to her left, not far from the stairs, her eyes immediately landed on a body floating face down in the rising water. Clara's eyes widened, while she couldn't see his face she recognized the clothing as being typical of a third class passenger. Stepping off the last step, the water lapped up to her chest causing her to gasp loudly. Bouncing on her tiptoes, she reached the man and using all her strength she flipped him over causing water to splash on her face nearly sending her into a panic. It was so cold she could barely breath.

Clara's heart sank when she recognized the man she'd patched up that first day in Southhampton. The sheen of blood floating on the water told her that his leg had ripped opened making it difficult to move. Her lips trembled causing her teeth to chatter as she surmised it didn't take long for him to succumb to hypothermia. Sadly, there was nothing she could do. Deciding that moving him any further could compromise her own situation she left him where he was. It took everything she had to move back toward the stairs, the water now up to her neck as her legs were totally numb moving on the steps with no actual feeling at all.

"What ?! He…there ?" The man had met her halfway down the stairs pulling her up the rest. The look on her face must have said it all because before she opened her mouth his face screwed up with emotion and he began to cry. She didn't know if the deceased was simply a traveling companion or perhaps something more like a brother or cousin. Either way, whatever happened to separate these two had been the injured man's undoing. Clara's dropped her eyes, her body now strangely hot yet still numb and shivering almost so violently she could barely gather her coat and lifebelt. Touching his arm she shook her head.

"I'm sorry." He nodded although she wasn't sure if he actually understood her or was simply grateful for the help. She squeezed his arm, getting his attention she pointed upward. "Go now !" He hesitated for a moment looking between her and the rising water before nodding.

"Ya…ya.." Without warning the man pulled her in, kissing her on both sides of the face before tuning and running. She stood there for a moment a bit stunned as she watched him go. The lapping of water coming up the stairs tore her from her stupor as she began walking straight toward the infirmary with only one thing in mind.

Unlike earlier, Scotland Road was mostly deserted. She was far forward and knew that everyone must have heading up or aft by now, their predicament becoming rather obvious. Rounding the corner she climbed the stairs back to D Deck taking the passage off the kitchen and coming to the locked door of the infirmary. Numb fingers fumbled with her keys, eventually finding the right one and unlocking the door. Things were just as she left them and slamming the door behind her she quickly began to undress. Losing core heat was the quickest way to die, she'd learned that as a nurse and had seen a few patients who'd ended up in the Hudson while at St. Luke's. Curiously those who'd had less wet clothing on had fared better, drying much quicker once pulled out of the water. After what just happened Clara intended to avoid going into the water at all costs, however, she knew that may not be possible. Without a doubt the ship was going to sink, and as a crew member her place in a lifeboat was far from guaranteed. That notion made a lump rise up in throat knowing that both her and Harry could die tonight. Passengers came first in an emergency- it was been made obvious from day one of her training. Still, that didn't mean she wasn't going to do everything she could to survive.

Her fingers fumbled to pull on the cotton brown work pants and the navy linen shirt. Her "work clothes" from Southhampton it was all she had left and in many ways seemed much smarter than her sopping wet three layered uniform- heavy and cold. The wool overcoat was warm but would also be heavy and cold once wet. Not for the first time tonight she was thankful for her training as not only a nurse but also all the things her mama and daddy had taught her living on the frontier. In reality, Clara had been learning how to survive from the day she was born. Tonight that would be put to the test.

The White Star Line allowed them a few approved personal items and one that she was glad she brought was a thick gray wool cardigan. Pulling off the hanger and over her arms she instantly felt warmer. Slipping the marble and her papers into the pocket of her pants she paused sighing as she looked around the infirmary. She'd spent more time here than she had even in her own bed. Every corner of the small hospital had her touches down to the bouquet of lavender hanging above the sink. Clara worked so hard to make this place her own and in her few days here she'd like to think that she'd done good work. Now this along with everything else would be underwater soon, lost to the depths of the North Atlantic by morning.

Perhaps if she'd not hesitated and reminisced so long they would have missed each other entirely. Maybe if that had happened the entire night would have gone differently. And yet it didn't. Things went the way they were meant to, the way the were always going to.

The door burst open as a woman wearing a sheer nightgown nearly fell to her knees. "Oh Clara…thank God." It was Rose, her hair wild and loose her porcelain face screwed up with desperation and fear. "The Master of Arms took Jack….can you help me find him ?"

Clara stared at her her heart sinking knowing full and well many lower decks were already under water. Finding Jack like she'd found the immigrant man would be absolutely awful. Lips puling into a thin line she exhaled slowly knowing she'd never leave someone behind if she could help but having no idea that Harry was directly above her losing his mind with worry.

TBC….

I'm still here. Trying to finish another story and wanted to update here.

Stick with me and review !