Chapter 16 – Kyoko's Shattered Mind
Kyoko's POV
"Pl-Please…l-leave us…a-alone. I-I'm…I-I'm begging you! Pl-Please!"
"Shut up!"
*POW*
"Kyaaa!"
"N-NO! L-LEAVE HER…ALONE! I-I WON'T…L-LET YOU HURT HER!"
"Tch! You BITCH!"
*POW*
"I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU…"
*POW*
"…TO SHUT YOUR DAMN MOUTH!"
*POW*
*POW*
*POW*
"N-No…st-stop! G-Get…G-Get away from…h-her…!"
"Hm? To think a hopeless sack of shit like you is still fighting. I oughta fix that RIGHT FUCKING NOW~!"
"N-No…No…"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
…
…
…
"*pant* *pant* Th-That same damn dream again. And it keeps getting worse every time. I-I can't believe I'm suffering through it again…"
This has been the end outcome of a nightmare I've been having for a few days now. A nightmare that I thought I had forgotten years ago…but now sticks to my mind once more like a parasite destroying my blood cells.
It would always start the same way. Me watching in pure horror as I was a witness to a woman strangled around the neck, beaten severely across her body, and raped repeatedly as she laid barely conscious and bleeding on the cold hard floor ground.
That woman…was my mother.
And what made this dream even worse is that the abuser is also someone I know. My evil bastard of a father.
That night still haunts me to this day. My mom near death on the floor, my own body struggling to withstand the injuries I got…
I wanted to rush to her aid. I really did…
But…I couldn't. My near-dead body was starting to shut down. And I could barely even move from my own puddle of blood when I was grabbed by my blood-soaked t-shirt and brought to my attacker's sadistic face of terror.
"N-No…pl-please…"
As I continued to beg for my life, a giant fist was formed and heading straight for my face. Completely prepared to strike me till I die.
And it would be that one final punch to the face that would wake me up screaming in fear. My body dripping in cold sweats and my heart rapidly beating from the intense anxiety rushing through me.
"*sniff* N-Not again…n-not again, not again, not again! I-I don't want to suffer like this again! *sniff*Wh-Why can't he just LEAVE US ALONE~?! WAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
I couldn't sleep for the rest of the night. As a dark void of sadness and despair floated over my head. My eyes were swollen from the excessive crying and barely holding up from how tired I was. I felt so weak. Physically, mentally, and emotionally. I was prepared to make this bed that I've had since I was a kid into my deathbed…
*BZZZT*
…when my phone started going off.
"Fr-From…Fr-From Chinatsu, huh? Th-That's…r-rare…" I said in an exhausted tone from the lack of sleep I got. Then, after struggling to reach the phone from my nightstand, read the message that my pink-haired love-obsessed junior sent to me at 7:00 in the morning.
"Hey, Kyoko. Do you still have that manga you borrowed like a month ago? I want it back."
Manga? Oh, yeah…I did borrow a manga from Chinatsu. And I kept forgetting to give it back to her. Yet another issue with my old personality…
"Oh, yeah. Sure, Chinatsu. I'll give it to you at school." I texted back.
*BZZZT*
"Actually, I want it now. I'm at your front door waiting."
"Wh-What?!" I shouted.
Persistent much?!
"Alright. I'll be down in a sec."
*BZZZT*
"Great. Thanks, Kyoko."
Yeah, sure. Whatever… I didn't text that. But I sure as hell wanted to. I was so tired and grumpy from not sleeping all night. But I knew that I had to go to school. I already missed a full week for therapy sessions. One more day and I'm sure to get expelled for truancy.
…
And I can think of a few teachers that would actually be glad if that happened.
There are some relationships a new personality can't fix…
It took me a while to get dressed in my uniform due to how tired and weak I was. There were times when I almost passed out. But…I somehow managed to do it. And went downstairs to open the front door for Chinatsu.
"M-Morning *yawn*…Ch-Chinatsu…" I greeted her while trying to sound like I wasn't dead-ass tired.
"K-Kyoko? Geez…what happened to you? You look horrible."
"G-Gee…th-thanks…" I got insulted. "…I-I'm just a little tired…th-that's all."
"It doesn't sound like "a little"…"
"I-I'm *yawn*…f-fine, okay? L-Let's just *yawn*…g-go already..." And with that said, I tried walking out the front door.
…
But as soon as I took the first step, I collapsed and fell on the hard ground below. Quickly losing consciousness.
"K-Kyoko? Kyoko?! Hey A-Are you okay?! Don't just drop dead on me! Kyoko! K-Kyoko-senpai!"
H-Have…Haven't heard…th-that in…a-a while…
"*groggy groan*…m…m-my head..."
I had woken up in my room back in my bed…feeling less tired than I did earlier. But now my head was burning and it hurts like hell. Not to mention that I've got some intense chills, too.
"Wh-What the…wh-what am I doing back here? Wasn't I on my way to school?" I asked myself as I picked up my phone from my bed stand…
…And noticed the time.
"H-Huh?! It's already after 12:00?! H-How long was I asleep?! Why didn't Mom wake me up?!"
And with that, I shot out of bed and stood up on my own two feet…only to get extremely weak and dizzy to the point where I fell to the floor hard.
"O-Ow…m…m-my…e-everything…"
As I struggled to get up and reach for my bedroom door to turn the knob, the door opened from the other side. And in came someone I…didn't really expect.
…
I-I think…
"Hey. Get back into bed, you."
"Wh-Wha…Ch-Chinatsu? Wh-What are you…st-still doing here?"
"Did you seriously forget? *sigh* Whatever. Just get back into bed."
"H-Huh? B-But what about…sc-school?"
"Kyoko…you're way too damn sick to be even thinking of going to school. Now, hurry and get back in your bed."
"I…I-I'm sick? Huh…n-no wonder I feel…s-so…w-weak…"
Once I got back into bed (more like struggled), I started feeling worse than I did a few seconds ago. My head was burning hot while my body was freezing cold. I tried to remember why and how I was sick, to begin with…but the pain was too much for me to do it.
…
Pain? Wh-Why does THAT word of all words sound familiar?
"Here. I went to the store and got you something." Chinatsu said as she handed me something from a shopping bag.
"W-Woah! Y-You got me Rum Raisin?! N-Normally *cough* *cough*…n-normally, it's Yui who would get me this! Th-Thanks *cough* m-my little China-chan!" I cheered as I hugged Chinatsu greatly.
"G-Get off me, damnit!" Only to be pushed off by her. "I-It's…j-just something to help you deal with your fever, okay?"
"M-My…fever?" I was confused.
"Y-You really don't remember? Geez…you scared the crap outta me when you passed out so suddenly."
"P-Passed out?"
"You were running a seriously high fever. I carried you to your room and changed you out of your uniform before putting you to bed. And you've been sleeping ever since."
"I…I-I see…" Thanks to Chinatsu explaining what happened, I was starting to remember what led to me getting sick in the first place: the lack of sleep from the constant nightmares I've been having.
My sick brain must've pushed the memories out temporarily. *sigh* It was a nice feeling while it lasted…
…
…
…
"W-Wait…"changed out of my uniform"? Y-You undressed me?!" I then yelled with a huge blush once I repeated that one part in my head.
"D-Don't make it sound perverted! I was trying to help you out!"
"I know, but…y-you didn't see anything, did you?"
"No, Kyoko. I didn't see anything." Chinatsu said…before looking away from me and gaining a small smirk on her face while trying not to laugh. "*snicker* Y-You know…besides the bunny-print underwear."
"I-Ijiwaru!" I shouted angrily as I shoved her away from me.
"S-Sorry! It's just…*snicker* I didn't think you were into animal-print underwear, Kyoko…"
"Th-They're cute, okay?! J-Just…lay off! I don't appreciate being a mockery for my underwear choice."
"You're really concerned about that?"
"W-Well…I-I have a sensitive side, you know."
"Since when?"
"Y-You know what? Just forget it!" I yelled once more. Sounding more embarrassed and insulted as I turned my back towards Chinatsu. "Thanks for bringing me up here. You can go now."
"I would…but I promised your mom I would look after you until she got off of work. So, you and your bunny panties are stuck with me."
"Tch. Gr-Great…" I pouted in an exasperated mood.
"And besides…w-we need to talk."
"About what?"
"You know what? When I first saw you this morning, your eyes were all swollen and red. And when I placed you in your bed, it was drenched in sweat and tears."
"S-So?"
"So. Something is DEFINITELY bothering you and it's more than just physically. Tell me what it is."
"Wh-Why should I? Y-You'll probably just *cough* *cough*…l-laugh at me again."
"I won't laugh, okay? Just tell me what's bothering you."
…
"E…E-Even if I trusted you on the "no laughing" thing, it's not an easy thing to talk about. S-Simply thinking about it is…i-is…" I then began to tear up from having to remember those nightmares. Sinking deeper into my bed as the fear began to take over again.
"Kyoko, please. You've been acting weird for the past week and everyone's starting to notice. Whatever it is, we can definitely help you."
Wh-Whatever it is, huh? Ch-Chinatsu…y-you're gonna regret saying that soon…
…
…
…
"D…D-Do you remember those string of violent attacks that would happen late at night?"
"Violent attacks?" Chinatsu thought for a moment. "Y-You mean those attacks in which women as young as 15 were being beaten, raped, and killed by a sadistic psychopath who hasn't been caught to this day? K-Kyoko…why bring THAT up?"
"B-Because…i-it ties into a secret…I-I've been hiding for years. O-One that…h-haunts me to this day."
"A secret?"
I didn't reply right away. Instead, I took many…MANY…deep breaths as I tried to calm down enough to a point where I could even continue.
…
And once I felt like I could…I continued with:
"Th-That sadistic psychopath…h-his name is Toshiro Asanuma. And…A-And he's my father."
…
…
…
"Ch…Ch-Chinatsu?" I said to her as she stared back at me with a mixed look of shock…and absolute fear.
"N-No way…s-so, you're saying…YOUR FATHER IS THE RTM SERIAL KILLER?!"
"Y-Yeah…th-that him."
The RTM Killer…back in the 90s, he was known as a merciless serial killer who terrorized women and girls of Takaoka. And even nearby towns like Toyama and Imizu.
It's said that he would lure his victims in by charming them. Whether it be their looks or personality…or some other thing to get the girl more comfortable. Then, he would offer them a ride home.
Once the girl agreed to the free ride…her fate was sealed.
He would take the girl to an abandoned warehouse…and rape her repeatedly. All orifices, all positions…it's every girl's worst nightmare.
But it only gets worse. Because once the rape is done, he'll begin physically and mentally torment you. Making you suffer as you beg and plea for this horrid shit to end. To put you out of your damn misery.
And then…when you're gasping your final few breaths…he murders you. In the most brutal way you can possibly think of. Ending your last moments on Earth…which were filled with nothing but torment and suffering.
"Rape. Torment. Murder. The RTM Killer has been doing those three things for well over 10 years at this point. And the day I found out that such a monster was my father…it still haunts me to this day."
"I-It HAUNTS you?" Chinatsu asked. "Wh-What exactly happened?"
…
…
…
I went dead silent as I was trying not to burst into tears again. I never believed that I would be telling people this part of my past. Especially this much of it. Mainly because it causes so much trauma for me.
…
But…if what Chinatsu said is true…that she and the others are willing to help…th-then I guess I could at least try to trust them.
…
"Th…Th-The day I found out…was the day he attacked us."
"S-Seriously?!" Chinatsu yelled in shock.
"…And both of us almost died."
"N-No way…"
"If it weren't for the neighbors who heard what was going on and called the police, I wouldn't be sitting here talking to you about it. My injuries in particular were so severe that doctors said that it was a miracle that I survived."
"Wh-What about your father?"
"He fled. Before the police ever had the chance to catch him. And it was the last time I had seen or heard from him."
…
"U-Until…one week ago."
"A week ago?"
"It was after we learned that Sakurako was a kitsune girl. I was heading home after stopping at the store for dinner…wh-when…HE…called me."
"H-He CALLED you?!"
"I don't know how he knew my number. I changed all contact info and blocked him from everything. But he still managed to figure it out. And when I answered that call, he…he…h-he…"
*sniff* I can't…I-I can't…*sniff* I-I CAN'T HOLD IT IN ANYMORE!
"…H-HE PROMISED TO KILL US, CHINATSU! M-MY EVIL BASTARD OF A FATHER FOUND WHERE WE WERE HIDING FROM HIM AND HE'S COMING TO FINISH WHAT HE STARTED ALL THOSE YEARS AGO! HE'S GOING TO KILL US! WAAAAAAAAAAA!"
That was when I broke down crying again. The absolute fear and trauma I felt that night still haunts my mind and soul. To the point where it's absolutely impossible for me to feel happiness ever again. I'm doomed to live out the rest of my short life in fear and anxiety.
At one point during my massive crying moment, I felt Chinatsu hugging me as a way of comfort. I was too much of a mess to bring this up…but this was the first time she's ever hugged me intentionally. Usually, it's me forcibly hugging her while she tries to break free while gasping for air. But she did it on her own free will this time.
…
And it definitely caught me by surprise.
"You feeling better?" Chinatsu asked me.
"Y…Y-Yeah *clears throat* Y-Yeah, I think I am. Thanks for comforting me."
"S-Sure. J-Just…d-don't tell anyone about the hugging. It's gonna make me look like a hypocrite."
"*giggle* Sure thing." I said with a smile.
"S-So…about what you told me…it's hard to believe that you've been suffering for that long. I always thought you were the type of person that never had any problems in their lives."
"*sigh*Yeah, well…such a person can never exist within me. The only reason I've been able to pull it off so well is because of that damn fake personality of mine. I've hid it for so long and so well…that even I started to believe that it was the real me. When in reality…I'm a traumatized crybaby. Living in fear of the day my father will come back to kill me. After he failed to do so 10 years ago."
"W-Well, what about the police? Can't they do anything?"
"Not with the little evidence they have. Even though we told them the identity of the RTM killer…and added the fact that he was my father…it's not enough for them to actually go after him. And that's on top of the fact that nobody knows where he is."
"Huh. That freaking sucks." Chinatsu then went silent for a bit. "Well, Kyoko…have you thought of telling the others?"
"T-Tell the others?" I grew a panicked look on my face. "N-No way! Not an option! I CANNOT the others about this! They'll definitely hate me if they find out that they've been friends with a serial killer's daughter! PLEASE, Chinatsu! You gotta promise me you'll never tell them! PLEASE!"
"K-Kyoko…" I could tell from her concerned face that she didn't think that was a good idea. But I just can't bear the simple thought of telling them. Not even Yui and Akari know…and they're my childhood friends.
Which makes it all the more devastating if they ever found out…
"…A-Alright. I promise not to tell anyone."
"Th-Thanks, Chinatsu. I owe you big for this."
"W-Well…" Chinatsu gained a light blush on your face. "…J-Just give me the manga you borrowed and we'll call it even."
"Oh, yeah. Right." I then went to my desk drawer and brought out the manga in question. "By the way…what kind of manga is this? Everything about it just felt so…ridiculously stupid."
"H-Hey! There is nothing ridiculous or stupid about Magical Girl Dreamy-Pie Riko's Heart-Pounding Miracle Cure! The series is a work of art!"
The name alone makes it questionable as hell…
"I only borrowed it because I thought it was similar to Mirakurun. But the whole thing just seemed like a childish mess."
"This is coming from the girl who wears bunny-print panties…"
"St-Stop bringing that up, damnit!" I yelled with a full blush on my face. Which Chinatsu found funny as hell.
"In any case…you seem to be feeling better now. I'm going home."
"Huh? You're not going to school?"
"What's the point? School gets out in about two hours. I pretty much spent the entire day taking care of you."
"O-Oh. R-Right. Sorry about that."
"It's fine. Don't worry about it." Chinatsu gained a light blush. "Oddly enough, I had an…okay time hanging out with you."
"Y-You did? W-Wow…" And in response to that, I gained a blush of my own.
…
Although…I don't know why…
"Of course…the biggest highlight being the discovery of your fondness for animal-print underwear."
…
…
…
I didn't respond to Chinatsu's statement. Instead, I grabbed the still unopened container of Rum Raisin and threw it at her. Unfortunately, she closed the door in time for the ice cream to hit against it. And it fell to the ground.
"NOT FUNNY, JERK!" I shouted.
As I sat on my bed pouting, I saw that the container of Rum Raisin was still intact. And after staring at it for a while, I got up and grabbed it. Opening the lid and taking a scoop with a spoon.
Mmmm…so good.
Chinatsu's POV
"HA! FINALLY! I got my manga back after well over a month! The next volume's coming out soon and I wanted to reread this one for a refresher. Stupid Kyoko calling it a ridiculous childish mess…"
I was now walking home after spending most of my day looking after Kyoko and her sudden fever. It was definitely not planned to take care of someone that I…k-kinda-sorta don't like…but it ended up being an eye-opener for me.
…
In more ways than one.
W-Wow…so Kyoko was hiding THAT much of her past. It's unbelievable that such things happened to her…
…
To think that she had suffered so much due to her own father…
…
T-To think…that she would relate to me…
…
…
…
"*sniff* Mom~…I miss you so much~…"
It took me a while to realize that I was crying in the middle of the sidewalk. But once I did, I wiped my tears and rushed all the way home. Making sure nobody saw my semi-swollen eyes as I did.
"T…Tadaima~…"
"Chinatsu? You're home earl…w-wait, what happened? Why are you crying?" Tomoko asked after she immediately noticed my swollen puffy eyes.
I didn't answer her. Instead, I walked up to her, hugged her body tightly, and let out the remaining tears that I held in until now.
"Ch-Chinatsu?"
"S-Sis, I~…I-I thought of Mom again~…"
That was all Tomoko needed to hear for her to hug me back. Slightly tighter than I was hugging her. Such a topic was highly sensitive for her.
…
But not as much as it was for me.
"*sniff* S-Sis…I-I miss her~. I-I really do~."
"I do too, Chinatsu. I do, too."
Author's Note: Sorry for the long wait, but here's the next part of the Inner Struggles rewrite: Kyoko's Shattered Mind. Previously known as Kyoko's Shattered Heart. The name change was made because this version of the story is going to focus more on Kyoko's mental psyche than her romantic feelings. The latter is still there…just less of a plot point.
This is also going to be one of the more darker moments of this story. So, here's your warning now.
Thanks for reading. Later.