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Chapter 28 - Twenty questions

Present day - March

Rose POV

I still remembered clearly how excited I was for every opportunity to ride in a car. Funny how quickly that changed. Now, after driving and driving, I felt like a car was the last place I wanted to be in. I shifted again in my seat, struggling to find a comfortable position. Yesterday we had left the cabin in a new car, one that I was fairly sure was stolen. I didn't like knowing that someone's life got harder because of us. The guilt was toned down by the fact that I didn't want Moore to catch me either, selfishly thinking a stolen car was a somewhat acceptable collateral damage.

A part of me was thankful for the uncomfortable seat, preventing me from falling asleep and dreaming about things that would surely be either mortifying or terrifying. The memory of that damn dream I had about Dimitri was impossible to get rid of. As was the perfect mental image of him, the only man I had ever seen naked in my entire life. I was glad that I hadn't actually seen everything, but I had seen enough for it to forever be ingrained in my memory. The internal conflict was still tearing me, and I didn't know what to think of him. I wasn't afraid of him anymore and he was slowly gaining more and more of my trust.

The thought that he actually might be my Dimitri from my childhood had involuntarily reoccurred several times since that first dazy time during my sickness. I could see Dimitri's eyes through the rear-view mirror. He looked like he was concentrating on the road, which gave me the opportunity to study him. No matter how long I looked into his warm brown eyes, I just couldn't decide for sure if it was the same person from my past. I just couldn't allow myself to accept the possibility of those two being the same person. All the times Moore had bullied me and taunted me to give up the memories of the boy and his family replayed in my mind, overpowering everything else and filling me with dread and doubt. It was just too dangerous to give in to that hope only to be crushed again. I wasn't even aware that Dimitri's eyes had flicked over to me, and I quickly looked away from the mirror chagrined. I wondered what he had seen in my expression and if the pain and mistrust was as visibly strong as my feelings were.

I had a nagging feeling that I was overlooking something important, too stubborn to accept what was in front of me. I did trust this Dimitri more than I had imagined being able to trust a guardian, but he was still someone with the power to hurt me and take advantage of me. I was less and less inclined to believe this was his intention, but I knew he was dangerous. I had seen what he could do when angered, and felt the unease wash over me as I recalled our first encounter in the basement. I remembered how I had recoiled from his dark shadow over Moore. It was almost impossible to imagine someone scarier than Moore, but in that moment I had been more afraid of Dimitri than the man who had tried to rape me. Even though none of Dimitri's anger had been directed towards me, I still didn't feel entirely safe with him, although I was beginning to trust him more and more. It was conflicting to say the least, and exhausting to dwell on.

However my trust for Spiridon had seriously taken a turn for the worse with regards to what had happened yesterday, but a part of me did understand why he was pushing for answers. I looked out the window for a long time and not really seeing the passing cars and trees, mulling over the feelings that had overwhelmed me this past week. I was used to being sick, but almost my entire life I've endured it in solitude, locked up in one of those small rooms for most of the time. I realized with a shock that I had never been close to a man before during my sickness, and a part of me was starting to realize why they had kept us separated from the others at the Institution. The sickness wasn't contagious, but it was equally, if not more dangerous. Dangerous to me.

I didn't understand what was happening and why things were so different now. I felt so ashamed of myself, recalling the throbbing feeling at the apex of my thighs. The dampness and how their touch had been so welcoming.

Spiridon broke the silence, not to anyone's surprise. "I'm bored, want to play a game? Have you ever played I spy?" he asked, and turned around in his seat.

I didn't answer him, still somewhat uncomfortable with interacting with him.

He was just about to open his mouth again when Dimitri's phone beeped once, and they both immediately glanced at it. I wasn't too familiar with phones, although Igor had showed me his a couple of times. Spiridon was holding the phone between them, allowing me to see the screen as well, and I saw a text message that only said two words.

Good luck.

Spiridon blew out a deep breath, rubbing his chin. I noticed that he had shaved, and a quick glance at Dimitri revealed that he had done the same. He turned towards Dimitri and they seemed to have an entire conversation by just staring at each other. The conversation ended with a small nod from both of them.

Spiridon turned around in his seat again. "Foul temptress, I want to play a game called twenty questions with you."

This time, I took the bait, ignoring the annoying nickname he had given me. "What are the rules?" I stalled, wondering why the sudden change in their demeanors. It felt as if the men in front of me had made an important decision, but I didn't know what it was yet and it was making me feel uneasy.

"We take turns asking each other a question, and the other one has to answer it truthfully." I was about to object, knowing the real rules of the game, but he continued speaking before I opened my mouth. "I know those are not the traditional rules, but humor me on this."

"What's the point of playing if I'm the only one telling the truth?" I defied him.

To my surprise, Dimitri answered, and I looked at him through the rearview mirror. "You have our word that you will not be the only one telling the truth, but we cannot promise you that we can disclose the entire truth, nor that we know the truth. With that said, we do intend to give you answers to the best of our ability."

"Why now? Why did you change your mind?" I asked.

Spiridon smirked, still turned towards me in the passenger seat. "That should count as two questions, but I'm going to give you a pass since it's your first turn."

I huffed, annoyed that he didn't answer me. I briefly flicked my gaze over to Dimitri who gave me a reassuring smile before speaking.

"The text message we received just now was from the commander of the Division. We've been under strict orders not to disclose anything that could compromise this operation or the safety of others, but things have changed drastically. The text message said Good luck and cut us loose from his command and the Division, meaning that from now on it is up to us how we handle the situation. And we both agree that it's better if you know more about the situation we're in."

During his speech, he had turned on the blinkers and turned onto a small gravel road away from the main road. We stopped in the middle of the dark forest, and when he shut down the engine the silence was deafening.

"Are you going to hurt me now that you're not part of the Division anymore?" I asked with a shaky voice, realizing that I was alone in the middle of nowhere with these men I may or may not trust.

Dimitri mirrored Spiridon and turned around in his seat as well, now looking at me directly instead of through the mirror. Before he could say anything Spiridon spoke.

"No, we're not going to hurt you, but stop breaking the rules of the game. It's our turn to ask a question now." He rolled his eyes, dispersing my fear a bit. "Wait for your turn."

It seemed as if they were unsure of which question to ask first. "Can you tell us about your sickness?" Spiridon asked after a while.

"That's hardly fair considering how broad that question is," I muttered under my breath trying to stall from actually answering it. I knew I had to make a decision then and there. Based on the answer they gave to my first question, I wanted to believe that they were indeed willing to give me some answers to the questions and worries that had been eating me up ever since they came for me. But I was also scared that giving them information was a mistake.

Spiridon scoffed, taking my bait. "Considering that we actually answered three of your questions already, I think it's a reasonable question."

I remained silent, still struggling with my decision. I felt their eyes on me as I focused on my fingers fiddling with the soft fabric of my pants.

"Whatever we discuss here and now will not be disclosed further unless agreed with you. And naturally we expect the same discretion from you. In fact, it's imperative that you do not reveal anything you know to someone not in this car, for your own safety as well as the safety of other taken ones. I understand that it's hard to open up and rely on mutual trust without any guarantees, but we're going to be stuck with each other for a while and it'll make everyone's lives easier, and safer, if we exchange information. We need to act like a team," Dimitri said, and I looked up from my fingers only to notice his eyes trained on me, conveying authority and sincerity.

Something in his expression helped me make up my mind, and I took a deep breath.

"I don't know why it happens, or what the sickness is called, it's just something that has always happened to me. Usually it lasts around five days, the second and the third being the worst. Ever since I can remember I've had fevers, and my stomach hurts a lot. I get really tired and sleep a lot, and my skin burns." I paused, trying to put words on how good their proximity had felt and my overwhelming need for them. My cheeks were flaming red when I continued. "However, this time something was different," my words dying off as I could not bring myself to continue.

"What was different?" Spiridon asked, but before I could reply Dimitri shook his head and said that both parties should abide by the same rules. I was relieved that Dimitri was fair, demanding that Spiridon played by the rules of his own game.

"Where are we going now?" I breathed, hoping to finally understand why we were driving so much.

"St. Petersburg," Dimitri replied. Damn it, the question was too simple. That answer didn't really help me at all.

"What was different?" Spiridon quickly asked, and I was back to feeling absolutely mortified. By now even my ears were flaming red. I managed to mutter the words, barely.

"I wanted to be close to you."

"You'll need to be more specific than that," Spiridon said, and I started coughing. There was absolutely no chance in hell I would describe how their touch would soothe me, how I wanted more. How their scent would calm me and how I just wanted to rub myself all over the-

Luckily Dimitri broke my internal rambling.

"I think it's important for you to know that both of us reacted to you badly." He paused, trying to find the right words. "Both of us had to fight the strong urge to hurt you, and it seemed as if you wouldn't have realized you were being hurt until it would have been too late. You were clearly not in a position to give your consent, and we were clearly not entirely in control. We won't pressure you on this matter as I can tell we're making you uncomfortable, but in order for us to ensure your safety we will need to understand the first symptoms and how often the sickness occurs."

This time I didn't hesitate before answering. "Roughly every three months. My first symptoms are always tiredness. I sleep a lot, and my body is exhausted. Then my stomach starts to hurt and the fever rises. It was only then that the other, uh, stuff, happened this time."

Dimitri nodded and it seemed like I had confirmed his observations.

"Why are we going to St. Petersburg?"

"There's a private airport where my friend's family's private jet will be waiting for us. We need to get you out of the country, but we can't risk being seen. The details are still under the works, but our end-goal is to get you to the United States."

I swallowed thickly, trying to take in what he'd said. I stayed silent, hoping he would continue with his answer, but instead Spiridon asked another question.

"Back at the Institution, what would happen to you during your sickness?"

"Honestly, they would just take me to the infirmary and I would stay in one of the patient rooms there until it was over. Until now, with the exception of a doctor, I had never been in the company of someone else. I would get water and painkillers during my stay, and the doctor would draw some blood samples and do other exams if needed. Mostly I was just being monitored."

"Patient rooms, you mean the prison cells?" Spiridon asked, and I looked at Dimitri expectantly. Once again he acted as the referee, allowing me to ask a question instead of answering Spiridon's.

"Why are we going to the United States?"

"I'm not sure how much you know about the outside world, but the Royal Court is located in Pennsylvania-"

"I know about the Moroi world and the world map," I interrupted Spiridon, hoping my eagerness didn't come off as rude. Spiridon just raised his eyebrows in surprise, luckily not offended. "We don't have many resources here, and it'll be easier for us to protect you if we get you to the States. Protecting you is the main reason, but we also want to continue fulfilling our obligation towards other taken ones. Since our commander and our unit is compromised, we need to continue our investigation on our own and the best way to do that is to start closer to Court and some of the American Academies."

I was expecting Spiridon to ask about the patient rooms but instead Dimitri asked me about the doctor.

"Was the doctor Moroi or dhampir? Female or male?"

I didn't understand how that was relevant to them, so I explained that it had always been a Moroi lady taking care of the infirmary. It wasn't until after I'd answered that I realized that it was technically two questions, but decided against complaining. Truth to be told, I wasn't really interested in the rules of the game anymore, just happy to get an understanding of the situation we were in.

"Where are my friends? The others that were staying at the Institution?"

"I reckon the others from the Division are trying to find a way to protect them, maybe hide them somewhere. I know they won't take them to Court, but truth to be told I don't know the exact details since we have cut contact for now," Dimitri answered. His face showed no emotion, but I could tell that his eyes were examining my reaction carefully. I decided to push that bit of information aside for now and not dwell on that.

"In the basement, uh, I saw what you did to Moore." My voice was small and timid, not wanting to put guilt on Dimitri. "Why do we have to go so far to hide from him? It didn't look like he would recover anytime soon. Or ever." The last part I barely breathed out, and I wasn't sure if they heard that.

"He was alive when I left the basement, if that's what you're unsure of," Dimitri answered, and I immediately regretted my question. It felt as if he was even more closed off than ever, his face carved out of stone and his eyes blank slates. "However, the main reason for hiding you is not Moore. He might have been the tormentor in your life so far, but he wasn't the reason you were taken. The ones who are ultimately responsible for the disappearance of dhampir children are still in hiding, and it makes it difficult for us since we don't know exactly who our enemy is." I thought about what Moore had said to me, how nobody had bid on me. I wasn't sure if they knew that the ones at the Institution were apparently trying to sell me to someone. I shivered when I recalled that Moore had said that I should be lucky that they didn't sell me to the Zmey, briefly wondering what or who that was. Dimitri continued before I could dwell on it longer. "But we've concluded that the sickness is something that most, if not all, taken girls have in common. Do you have any idea why the boys were there? Were they sick too?"

"No, the boys were healthy. I never saw them in the infirmary. Mason, I mean one boy my age, had a cold one time but even then he would just sleep it off in the boy's dormitory. But that was before he became a guardian."

Both Spiridon and Dimitri looked thoughtful, however it seemed as if I confirmed what they already knew. "Have you ever seen the sickness before?" I asked, and I could immediately tell that the question made them uncomfortable. The only reply I received was a curt yes from both of them. I decided it was my turn to ask two questions in a row. "What happened?"

I expected them to object to my question, but instead they looked at me with serious faces. Dimitri seemed as if he wanted to avert his gaze, and although I wasn't sure I felt like he was ashamed. But he kept his eyes trained on me, the only noticeable change was his jaw slightly clenching. Spiridon cleared his throat before answering.

"During the raid of an Institution, Dimitri and I found two of our team members with one of the girls during her sickness. We didn't understand what was going on at the time, but the two of them had found their way into the infirmary where she was and they both raped her. It's only now, after observing your sickness, that we understand better what happened then and there. It obviously doesn't make it any better or in any means acceptable, what they did was wrong and it caused that girl a lot of trauma."

I tried to swallow but my mouth was too dry. I tried to open the car door, yanking the handle harder when it didn't cooperate. I heard the locks click when Dimitri must've unlocked them, and I quickly stepped out of the car. The forest around me was dark but the cold, crisp air was welcoming. Neither of them stepped out of the car after me, allowing me a moment to myself.

It wasn't until this moment that I truly understood what had almost happened with Spiridon in the cabin. The memory of Moore, of Spiridon, prying open their belts, eyeing me hungrily like I was a possession, ready to take something I wasn't willing to give. I barely had the time to bend over before vomiting, luckily not splashing my shoes in the process.

After I was done and my stomach was empty and aching, I took a few steps into the forest and slumped down on the ground. My head was resting against my knees and my arms were wrapped around myself, holding me together.

The full realization of how vulnerable I really was right now, or during my sickness when I was unable to keep my guard up, was threatening to crush me. I was so damn exposed to anyone that wanted to hurt me that I blinked hastily, trying to evade the tears. No matter how many times I swallowed or drew in a large gulp of air, the lump in my throat would not disappear. A small part of me felt thankful for Dimitri and Spiridon allowing me to break down in private, to be alone for a moment in a situation where I hadn't really been alone at all. It was ironic how lonely you could still feel in a situation surrounded by others. But the thing was, I didn't think it would've felt better with Meredith here. The sad truth was that I didn't really have anyone in my life that made me feel safe and who I could seek comfort from.

It was hard to come to terms with the fact that a part of me had been ready and willing to beg for Dimitri's and Spiridon's attentions. I was so ashamed of myself and cringed as I thought about the way I had leaned into Dimitri, snuggled against his chest, panting in his scent. I had been practically throwing myself at him, hadn't I? If something would've happened, if Spiridon had not been stopped by Dimitri, wouldn't it have been my own fault? Hadn't I been asking for it?

Another thing that was hard to accept was that both of them were dangerous. The sense of comfort around them and the increasing trust I felt could be entirely misplaced if they wanted to hurt me. Or if they couldn't stop themselves from hurting me. Old memories from a time my small legs had pushed me towards safety in a dark forest popped into my mind, trying to convince myself that I could trust Dimitri, but I winced and pushed them back. It was too dangerous to allow myself to think about that night all those years ago. It was too dangerous to dwell on that family and that boy. It would only hurt too much to be disappointed again.

After a while I forced myself up on my feet, walked back to the car, and silently got back into the backseat. Without a word, Dimitri turned the key in the ignition and started the car.

Nobody said anything, and it was clear that the game of twenty questions was over.