Chapter 41 - Easter continues

Present day - April

Dimitri POV

The leaves threatened to crunch underneath my boots. It was a cold night, cold enough for the ground to be covered by frost. I thought we would be entering spring already, but so far up north the harsh winter refused to pull back entirely. The moon lit up the lake making it appear almost black with a layer of mist caressing the surface. It was eerie.

I could see the house from afar, no signs of anyone awake.

After the dinner I tried to get a chance to ask Celeste about this Igor, but unfortunately the opportunity never came. Something about him made my skin prickle. I thought long and hard why I disliked him, not even knowing him beyond what little Rose had told me.

It had to be the contrasting way she acted whenever he was mentioned. At times, there were hints of casualness, of a friendship between them, manifesting in the way she spoke about him, a prime example being on a first name basis with him. But on the other hand, I noticed small signs, small reactions that revealed a sense of discomfort. How the hair of the back of her neck raised, the tension in the corner of her eyes and the slight purse of her lips. I was sure that on some level he made her uncomfortable, that she was scared of him, but I wasn't sure how strong those feelings were.

It could be that it was because of the other guardians, perpetrators, at the Institution, but my instincts told me it was related directly to him.

My thoughts wandered off to Yuri. His presence was a larger problem than anticipated. Since he couldn't visit that often, Rose wouldn't really get the chance to interact with him enough for her to get comfortable around him. She was obviously terrified of him and Spiridon and I already had fallen into the habit of shielding her from him. I was surprised that Spiridon had become so attuned to Rose's needs, but perhaps it was an instinctual reaction like it was from my side. I decided that I would talk to her about Yuri's presence and see how we could make her more comfortable.

Yuri was a good man. Like Spiridon, he was outspoken but a lot rougher around the edges.

The downstairs door was bolted from the inside, making it impossible to open from the outside. Or at least close to impossible. I rounded the house and entered through the front door. I stepped into the dark foyer and locked the door behind me, bolting it shut as well.

Knowing that Rose had vacuumed and cleaned I bent down and untied my laces, loosening them. I stepped out of my boots and grabbed them before heading downstairs. My gaze flicked over to the door of Rose's bedroom and I thought I heard some noises coming from her room. The entire downstairs was dark, I hadn't noticed any signs of anyone being awake on my round. I walked over and listened for movement, hearing faintly a drawer being shut.

I knocked lightly, a knuckle hitting the wooden door twice, and almost immediately the door opened. Rose looked scared for a brief moment before her gaze flicked up and she saw that it was me. She immediately relaxed and opened the door wider, allowing me to enter. I stepped into her room not bothering to shut the door behind me, keeping my boots in my hand. She walked over to her dresser and rummaged through the middle drawer before continuing with the next. I noticed she had a lot more clothes than what we'd purchased for her.

"What are you looking for?"

She looked up and bit her lip. "Thicker socks, my toes are freezing."

My eyes traveled down her body unintentionally, I noted that she was dressed in new pajamas that I guessed that the princess had given her. Her feet were bare and I noticed something different.

"Did you paint your toenails?"

She looked down and her cheeks heated almost as if she was embarrassed. "The pri-" she started before correcting herself. "Lissa thought it was a good idea. I don't know, it feels stupid. I think tomorrow she plans to do the same to my fingernails."

I contemplated the deep red color, similar to the sweater we had gotten from Walmart. "You should only do it if you want to. Remember, she shouldn't push you into things you're not comfortable with."

"It's not like that, at the time it seemed like a good idea but now that I look at my toes they look a bit weird. Maybe I'm just not used to it."

"Maybe." I decided not to say anything or give any compliments despite liking the color on her. Recently I had been struggling to push my less noble thoughts aside, involuntarily noticing Rose in a way that I shouldn't. I was adamant about keeping my shield up and not let myself get distracted, no matter how she managed to slip through the cracks of my walls without her even realizing what she was doing to me.

"I'll be right back," I murmured and left her room. I knew I had a pair of thick socks that mama had knitted for me in my room.

I returned to Rose's room with the socks, only to find her sitting on her bed. I decided that we could discuss Yuri now that she was awake so I closed the door behind me. I looked over at her just to make sure that she was comfortable with it, but she looked relaxed and once she noticed what was in my hands she wiggled her feet impatiently.

I threw the socks to her and watched her as she put them on. She had to roll them up since they were too big, but at least they were warm. I knew that mama would gladly knit a fresh pair to Rose, if she hadn't already.

Throughout the years, I noticed that mama always knitted an extra pair of socks. They were in a similar size to what she was knitting for Victoria, but I never saw my sister wear them. She had never said anything, but I knew that she was knitting for Rose in addition to me and my sisters, perhaps her own way of dealing with the guilt and loss. Undoubtedly she was busy now that I had confirmed that Rose was alive and with me.

Rose was looking at me, waiting for me to say something. I looked around her room, noticing the roses on the drawer and bit down a smile. I decided to sit next to Rose on her bed, and she shuffled to make room for me.

"How is everything? With them being here?"

"It's good, I think. The princess is nice," she said.

"Vasilisa," I corrected her.

She narrowed her eyes and immediately shot back. "Lissa."

I smiled, but it didn't reach my eyes. I was very much focused on her and finding a way to make sure she felt safe and comfortable. This house was supposed to be her safe place, where she could recuperate.

"What do you think about her guardians then?"

She looked uncomfortable and unsure. "They're nice."

I could only guess why she looked so unsure, but I had a theory. "You can tell me how you really feel, without any consequences."

"It's just, they're your friends. They're nice," she repeated.

I decided not to beat around the bushes. "Yuri is making you uncomfortable, and it's okay to say it. You can always be honest with me, especially if I'm asking you something."

"I feel guilty. They're your friends and I don't want to disrespect anyone."

"Setting boundaries and admitting someone or something is making you uncomfortable isn't disrespectful." I paused to give her a moment to let my words sink. "So it's not only Yuri, Celeste is also making you uncomfortable?"

"It's not that bad-" she started but interrupted herself. "Does Celeste know Igor?" she asked instead as if she just recalled Celeste mentioning him during dinner.

"I don't know, but I'll look into that," I answered truthfully. Wanting to change the subject quickly I asked her how Yuri and Celeste were making her uncomfortable.

"They haven't done anything wrong, that's why I feel so guilty. I wish I wasn't so sensitive, but my skin prickles whenever Yuri is looking at me. And I don't know if I'm being paranoid or something but I think that his eyes are on me a lot, I don't like it."

"And Celeste?"

"At the dinner table, I didn't like how she spoke about you and Spiridon. Especially Spiridon, she seemed bitter or something, she was bordering on mean."

"It's not my place to tell you about Spiridon's private matters, but I think it's better if you know why their interaction might be strained. Some years ago, he and Celeste had a thing."

"A thing?" she asked, brows furrowed in confusion.

"Some kind of relationship, a romantic one. Honestly, I don't know the details and if you want to know more you'll need to ask him. Just know that there's some shared history there and I don't know if they ended it on good terms."

"Huh."

I noticed how she still looked confused, weighing things in her head. I patiently waited for her to gather her thoughts.

"Is it common with relationships between two dhampirs?"

"Yes, although due to our line of work and the fact dhampirs can't have children together they tend to be short-term. From your question I gather that you've been told otherwise, that it's wrong for dhampirs to be involved with each other?" I asked and seethed internally when she nodded. "Dhampir or Moroi, we all should be able to choose who we want to have in our lives and what they mean to us. That shouldn't be reserved only for Moroi. But unfortunately, serious relationships for dhampirs are usually frowned upon, even if the other part is Moroi. There are a lot of people out there that think the only commitment a dhampir should make is the promise mark."

I ran my fingers over mine without thinking.

"Can I see?" Rose asked quietly. I looked up and noticed that she was looking at my neck where my fingers had just been. I nodded and turned my back towards her, feeling the bed shift as she shuffled closer.

"Can I touch?"

I felt myself tense up, not expecting her to ask that.

"It's just, some of your hair is in the way, and I've never seen one this close."

I nodded, clenching my teeth when I felt her fingers brush strands of my hair to the side. I felt her trail the shape of my promise mark, her touch light and timid against my skin, but it felt like she was leaving a trail of heat. I shivered and my skin tingled wherever her fingertips grazed. It had been a long time since anyone had touched me, and it was harder than anticipated to keep my guard up. She moved to trail some of my molnija marks, but I shifted and I felt her fingertips leave my skin.

I heard her shuffle back and I turned to face her again.

"With regards to Yuri, how can we make you more comfortable? I could talk to him."

"No, that would only make things worse. It's fine, I'll just deal with it."

"Most of the members of the Division were like me, looking for someone. As far as I know Spiridon is one of the few who weren't. I think Yuri looks at you so much because he sees hope. Hope that he'll find his sister some day."

She looked startled, and I saw the guilt settle in.

"You shouldn't feel guilty. It's okay to feel uncomfortable, it's okay to want to keep your distance," I assured her. "I've mentioned that we only found two Institutions before yours. Girls like you, that were taken and ultimately found, are so rare I think it's hard for him to curb his curiosity. It was like looking for a needle in a haystack, and that's why it is just that incredible that you are sitting in front of me. But with that said, we should do everything in our power to make you more comfortable and I know he wouldn't mind if I'd ask him to keep his distance."

That was probably a lie, but she was my first priority.

"No, it's fine. I'll just stay close to you if you don't mind. It helps if I'm around you."

The last words were barely a whisper, and I noticed a slight blush spread on her cheeks. My fingers twitched as I fought the urge to trail the contours of her cheek. But that only served as a reminder that she was fragile and in need of my help, not my unwarranted attention.

"I'm glad I can make you feel safe," I said gruffly. "How's it going with Spiridon, it seems that you're more at ease around him?"

"Yeah, whenever he's not startling me on purpose. Most of the time I really like being around him, but sometimes he annoys me so much."

"He does that to people," I confirmed with a slight chuckle, which earned me a smile from Rose. "How come you're still awake?"

"I told you, I was cold."

"Even under the covers?"

She shrugged her shoulders. I raised an eyebrow which made her relent. "I had a nightmare and just couldn't seem to shake it off."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not really."

I decided not to push further. It was late and she needed to sleep. I got up and was about to leave the room.

"Can you stay? For a little while?"

I turned around towards her and looked at her small form sitting on the bed. She looked anxious, but I didn't get the feeling that it was my proximity that was making her feel that way. I nodded and took a few steps closer, lifting the blanket for her. She shuffled under the covers and turned to her side facing the middle of the bed. I pulled the blanket up, tucking it around her shoulders.

"It's really stupid, but I sort of got used to sleeping close to you guys. Now it's hard to sleep alone," she said in a small voice as I rounded the bed. I grabbed a pillow and got onto the bed, staying over the covers and leaning against the headboard.

"Didn't you sleep in the dorm at the Institution?" I asked and she nodded. "I don't think it's stupid to have issues sleeping alone considering you've had others around your entire life."

"I suppose so," she said and yawned. I settled in and rested an arm behind my head, closing my eyes for just a second. I was tired and I knew I needed more sleep than what I was getting, but this wasn't the right place to fall asleep. I felt her eyes on me and I turned to look at her. The blanket was up to her chin and she looked very comfortable.

"You should be sleeping, not staring at me." I tried to sound stern, but only managed a half-hearted attempt. She made a show of squeezing her eyes shut, her nose scrunching up in a little frown. She was utterly, disarmingly adorable. I closed my eyes again and let myself enjoy this moment. Just for a little while.

I somehow managed to stay awake and ghost back to my room after Rose had fallen asleep. Despite being on the verge of falling asleep next to her, once my head hit my own pillow I was suddenly wide awake. Like most nights, it was hard to shut down all the thoughts running through my head. An irrationally big part of me couldn't really settle unless I was close to Rose, knowing with an absolute certainty that she was safe. I was still afraid that if I turned my back, she would be gone again, taken again.

It felt like I had barely closed my eyes when I stirred awake again, hearing sounds coming from outside. I sat up on the bed and rubbed the sleep out of my eyes before getting up.

Spiridon and Yuri were sitting on the couch by the staircase, both with controllers in their hands and a deadly focus. I peeked at the screen and noticed that they were playing a fighting game. I decided that I would use their moment of distraction and find Celeste, so I headed up the stairs in search of her. I found her in the guardian quarters mid workout.

When I walked over to her she wiped the sweat out of her forehead. "If you're looking for a sparring partner I'm sorry to disappoint you. Need to rehabilitate my shoulder this morning," she said.

"Everything alright?"

"The same old acting up again, just need to take it easy and work on mobility."

I knew that Celeste had been seriously injured on a mission, a Strigoi managing to latch onto her arm which resulted in a badly twisted shoulder, almost to the point it was torn off. Us dhampirs may have an enhanced ability to heal, but we weren't indestructible.

"May I?" I asked with slightly raised hands. She turned to give me better access and I gently started twisting her arm, testing out the movement. Her shoulder felt tense, and I was almost sure her rotator cuff was causing the pain. I lowered her arm and pressed down slightly on the outer shoulder. I caught the slight vince before I released her and walked over to one of the corners where we kept the smaller equipment. I pulled out a rubber band and gave it to her, deciding against giving instructions. She knew how to rehabilitate the old injury, and the flare of the pain was most likely due to sleeping in the wrong position and would pass quickly with the right care.

"How do you know Igor Sidorov?" I asked, not able to hold it in any longer.

She continued with her movements, clearly having expected my question. "I don't know him. In fact, I've never actually met him. But you remember that little journal we found in the Blackbird Institution, under the floorboards of the girls dorm?"

I nodded. Unfortunately, I never got the chance to read the actual journal. My knowledge was based on the briefing we all received when they had compiled all the relevant parts of it. In fact, in addition to Arthur I wasn't exactly sure who had had access to the journal, before it had been confiscated as vital evidence by Court.

"Arthur asked me to read the journal, he wanted a second opinion on one of the guardians. As you know it was written by one of the girls that was held at the Institution, and while most of it was quite normal stuff written by a lonely teenage girl, some of it was bad."

"Bad how?"

"There weren't always references to specific dates, but she did write about seasons and holidays in a way that made it clear that she kept the journal from around thirteen years old. The last entry was from one week prior to the unsuccessful raid and it mentions the celebration of her seventeenth birthday."

"Bad how?" I repeated, steeling myself for the answer.

"I can't know for sure, but I got the distinct feeling that Igor was grooming her until she was ready and willing. I mean, the way it plays out in the end is that this girl and Igor were involved in some kind of secret relationship. It's in the way she describes their interaction, the ever growing demands and honestly, the blatant manipulation. She was far too young and inexperienced to realize what he was doing, and whenever things didn't go his way he'd subtly remind her of his position and what he could do if she didn't please him right. She just shrugged it off as his temper and she repeatedly wrote how she should be better for him."

Celeste put down the rubber band and rolled her shoulder. "Like I said, Arthur asked me what I thought of it. Even if she describes their interaction and relationship as consensual, it just felt wrong. He was a grown man in a position of power, taking advantage of someone far younger and manipulating her to give him what he wanted. It was heartbreaking reading about the conflicting emotions in her diary entries."

My entire body was rigid, yet I felt like I was pulsating with anger. My frozen stance contained every ounce of it, but only barely. The guardian mask was in place, revealing no emotions. "Do you know where the diary is?" I asked in a monotone voice. Only Spiridon would've known how angry I was. I wanted to read about this Igor Sidorov, to get an understanding of what kind of man Rose had been around.

Celeste looked a bit guilty. "Shit, I should probably feel bad. But I don't know, something about Court just felt off and I knew that it was only a matter of time until that diary disappeared for good. So I made a copy of it, not all pages but most of it. I gave it to Arthur, he should still have it."

I just nodded.

"Is there anything I can do to help with Rose?" Celeste asked.

I forced myself to speak and not think about what might have transpired between Rose and Igor. "She's afraid of guardians, understandably so. It took us some time but she's finally gotten comfortable with Spiridon and I. So my recommendation is for you and Yuri to keep your distance for now. It would be good for her to process the trauma but we haven't been able to offer her professional help yet. I don't think she'll open up to any of us, but maybe you can think of a way for us to arrange more support for her?"

"Do you have access to a computer?"

"Yes, there's one in the study. You're thinking of remote sessions?"

Celeste nodded. "Lissa goes to a counselor at the Academy, her name is Deirdre. Obviously we can't bring Rose there, but Yuri could set up the computer. He knows how to block tracking, hide the IP-address and whatnot."

"The counselor is Moroi?"

"Yes, but the only other option I can think about is Dr. Olendzki, the doctor at St. Vlad's. We can't use the usual routes to providing aid as we don't know who's corrupt and who's not," Celeste said.

"I'll run this by the princess, get her opinion on those two."

"You know, she really does want you to call her Lissa. Skip the titles, it'll only make her uncomfortable."

I shrugged my shoulders and headed to find Yuri to make sure we could ensure that using the computer for remote sessions was untraceable.

Just before I exited the guardian quarters I recalled something else I needed to ask about. "Is Alberta Petrov still Captain of the school guards at St. Vlad's?"

"No, she hasn't been seen for several years. Rumor has it that she was turned Strigoi."

I felt disappointed that one of our main leads turned out to be a dead-end.

"So this is Christian, he's my boyfriend," Vasilisa said as she was showing her phone to Rose.

I watched Rose focus on the little screen, her brows furrowing slightly before she forced out a smile.

"He's visiting his aunt right now, Tasha. Dimitri's friends with her."

Those dark eyes searched and found me, but I couldn't make out what was going through her mind. She held my gaze for a while before she looked away. I turned my head towards the tv again, however opting to keep my focus on the girls instead of the sitcom they put on.

"Here, this is Tasha."

"Is she-" Rose started, unsure if she should continue. Vasilisa urged her on with a small nod. "Is she alright?"

Most people asked straight out what had caused Tasha's scar, but I noticed how Rose focused on her wellbeing instead. I could've told the story myself, but I didn't want to interrupt their bonding time.

"You mean the scar, huh?" Vasilisa asked and Rose nodded. "She is now, but I think she's still sad about it all. Christian's parents turned Strigoi, like they willingly turned themselves and they tried to take Christian with them but she and her guardian managed to fight them off long enough for help to arrive. It's awful how much hate both Tasha and Christian have received despite not doing anything wrong, it's not like they chose it or anything. But people are cruel."

I couldn't help it, my eyes flicked back over to Rose to gauge her reaction. She looked sad, although a little bit confused as well while she processed the information. My guess was that she'd never heard of anyone turn Strigoi willingly.

Tasha had gone through too much. It wasn't only the stigma and hate both she and Christian faced in the Moroi world due to her brother's and sister-in-law's actions. But something as bad as that, or perhaps even worse, was her lover get sentenced to prison for raping a minor. I couldn't even imagine what it must've been like for her going through all that on top of balancing the custody of Christian.

Vasilisa was rummaging through a little cosmetics case.

"Enough about that. What do you think about this color?" Vasilisa said and held out a little bottle. Nail polish.

"No, not that one," Spiridon said. I wasn't even aware that he too was observing their interaction so closely. "Give me that bag," he said. Vasilisa handed him it and he inspected a few bottles before settling on a green one. "You can be like Fiona," he said to Rose who was utterly oblivious to what he meant with that.

"You're more like Shrek than she is like Fiona," Vasilisa muttered. "I veto that color, I had it for last Halloween. Not the look we're going for today."

"Rude." Spiridon grabbed another one. By now I was pretending to focus on the tv again. "This one?"

"That could work. Rose, what do you think?"

"I liked the first one better," she said in a small voice.

"So you're just going to ignore my opinion," Spiridon huffed.

I could tell that Rose rolled her eyes without even looking at her. "Nobody asked for your opinion," she said with a little more confidence.

"What do you think, Belikov?" Spiridon asked.

I turned towards them. "I like that one," I said and nodded towards the one Vasilisa was holding, knowing that it was the one Rose preferred.

Spiridon just sneered. "Kiss ass."

I resisted the urge to blow an air kiss to Spiridon, knowing that the princess was in our company. Her presence restrained me as I didn't want to be too familiar with her or show her my more casual side. That side was reserved for Rose and my family, and forced out by Spiridon.

I got up and walked over to my room. Before I closed the door behind me Spiridon slipped in and pulled the door shut.

"Alberta Petrov is no longer at St. Vlad's, and her whereabouts are unknown. That leaves us with a cold trail," he said.

"And it's not like we're going to be able to find Zmey. Even if we were still in Russia it would be near impossible. That man is not found unless he wants to."

"Do you think Lissa can break the compulsion? We both know Rose is sitting on a lot of information," he said and eyed me warily.

I stayed calm and composed. "I asked the princess about it last time and she mentioned this morning that she would be willing to try. We need to make sure Rose consents as well."

"Why wouldn't she want to break the compulsion?"

"Would you want to know all the potential horrors you might or might not have been subjected to? We don't know what's hiding behind the compulsion."

"She seems quite motivated to help," Spiridon pointed out. He was right, she had pushed through a lot of discomfort and anxiety to help us.

"You need to find Arthur next week, retrieve a copy of the Blackbird journal."

He frowned. "I was going to meet up with him anyways, but why the sudden interest in the journal?"

I explained to him what Celeste had told me about Sidorov.

"Fuck, you don't think he did something to Rose?" he asked tensely.

"I don't know what to think, it's clear she was more casual with him than the other guardians but I doubt that they were close. Maybe he tried something similar."

"I'll get the copy from Arthur if he still has it. Anything else I should look into while I'm gone?"

"No, I think that's it for now. If Alberta hasn't been found yet I doubt we're going to be able to find her."

"I'll ask around as long as it won't compromise us."

I stood up and rubbed my chin with my hand. I felt the light stubble and knew that I needed a shave. "Let's go talk to Rose, see how she feels about trying to break the compulsion."

We headed back to the TV area by the staircase where Vasilisa was busy with applying nail polish on Rose's nails. Rose looked up as I closed in on them and gave me a reassuring smile, probably thinking how I told her not to let Vasilisa push her into doing things she didn't want to. I sat down in the armchair and angled myself so that I was facing Rose. I waited until Vasilisa was done with all her nails. Despite having so many sisters, I had never really understood why one would bother to go through all that trouble, but even I had to admit that the deep red, almost black color suited Rose very well and accentuated her small and slender fingers.

I locked eyes with the princess and gave her a small nod, which she returned. I thought about different ways to approach the matter but decided to just get straight to the point.

"Rose, we have reason to believe you have been subjected to compulsion. Do you know what that is?" I asked carefully.

I caught the uncertainty and fear in her eyes, making me guess she had probably an idea of what it was, at least on some level. I wanted her to know for sure. "Compulsion is something that Moroi or Strigoi can use to influence others, to force their will on someone else. How strong the ability to compel varies a lot, and so does the ability to resist."

Rose remained silent so I continued explaining. "When Vasilisa compelled me on the airplane I recognized her as one with heightened compulsion. She's strong, and we're hoping she can help you."

When she still didn't say anything Vasilisa continued. "I compelled Dimitri to tell me the truth about you when I opened that suitcase with you in it. It's not always used for bad stuff, I was scared and needed to know they weren't hurting you."

"And now you need to know something else?" Rose tentatively asked, trying to understand what we were getting at.

Vasilisa smiled, but there was sadness in her eyes. "We think that you might have been compelled to forget things, and I might help you remember."

"Is that what the oily feeling is?"

I didn't understand what Rose meant. By the look on Vasilisa's face she was as equally puzzled as I was.

Spiridon's serious voice came from behind me. "Yes."

All of our eyes landed on Spiridon. He sat down next to Rose. "It feels like that for me. Like oil, like memories slipping through my fingers and I can't seem to grasp them. Slick and evasive. When have you felt that sensation?"

"I think when Dimitri asked me if I could tell what the Headmaster and Headmistress looked like. And when he wanted to know if I had seen any Moroi visitors."

I regained myself. "Do you want us to try to break the compulsion?" I asked Rose.

"Yes." Rose's voice was full of determination. I would've asked her if she was absolutely sure, if she wanted time to think it over, but the look she gave me made me feel certain that this was something she wanted.

"Let's focus on those two instances when the oily sensation manifested," I said firmly. I wasn't sure how this would work, relying on Vasilisa to guide us through this. I knew that compulsion worked better if eye contact was made, so I got up from the armchair and pulled it closer to the couch. Vasilisa moved over and sat down in the chair facing Rose. She grabbed Rose's hands and I noticed how both their forearms were equally thin although while Rose was tanned, Vasilisa was pale. Spiridon got up from the couch as well and walked over so that he stood next to me. We were both focused and determined.

"If you know how to break the compulsion altogether, do that. But if you have to be more specific where to start or what information you want to bring forward, focus on whether or not Rose can remember any visitors. Moroi or not, names, appearances, mentioning of names. Within this category falls two staff members to whom Rose refers to as Headmaster and Headmistress, I suspect they are Moroi," I said to Vasilisa before turning to Rose. "And if you're okay with it, we could as well try to see if you've been abused in some way and compelled to forget."

This time she wasn't as determined, but still gave us her consent. I saw Vasilisa squeeze Rose's hands reassuringly. "Will it hurt?" Rose asked.

"No, not the compulsion itself. But of course if you remember something sad it might upset you," Vasilisa said compassionately. Rose just nodded and pressed her mouth into a thin line. Vasilisa leaned in, and immediately it looked like Rose was frozen with glassy eyes. I pressed down the alarming feeling of seeing Rose so unnaturally still.

"Rose, can you squeeze my fingers if you're relaxed?" Vasilisa began and I saw how Rose gently squeezed. "Good," she cooed. "Do you remember any Moroi who worked at the Institution?" Rose nodded. "What were their names?"

"Ms. Carmack and Ms. Davis."

"Very good. What was their role?"

"They were teachers."

"And the Headmistress, what was her name?"

"I don't know, I never heard it."

"What did she look like?"

I watched Rose struggle to formulate an answer, but her struggle was less subdued than the last time I had tried to get an answer to that question. "I don't know, I can't remember."

"Let's focus on her hair, did she have long hair?"

"I don't-, I don't know," Rose bit out.

"It's okay, just look into my eyes. It's okay. What was the color of her hair?"

Rose was visibly more distressed and I took a step closer.

"Let's just focus on the way my hands hold yours. Can you feel that?" Vasilisa purred, and Rose relaxed a bit.

"Have you ever seen a Moroi at the Institution?"

"Ms. Carmack and Ms. Davis."

"Very good. Anyone else?"

"A lady, she worked in the Infirmary. And the Headmaster and Headmistress"

"Anyone else?"

Again, the visible struggle Rose was going through was tearing at me. She started shaking and looked nauseous. Vasilisa shook her head. "Rose, let's just focus again on my hands holding yours. It's okay to not remember." I was expecting Rose to relax but she remained tense and trembled. "I'm going to release you now, it's okay," Vasilisa continued to purr with little effect, bringing her slowly up from the compulsion.

When Rose re-surfaced she was gasping for air and looked like she was close to having a seizure. I stepped forward and dropped to my knees in front of her. Spiridon tended to Vasilisa and I saw from the corner of my eyes that she slumped down into her chair.

"I've got you, I'm here," I murmured to Rose. I tried to reassure her, make her feel safe again and to calm her down, but little did it help.

The space was too open and I guessed that the staircase didn't really make things easier so I got up and leaned down to scoop her up in my arms. I walked briskly into her bedroom and over to her bed. I laid her down and watched her curl up to her side, still shaking. I pulled the blanket over her and tucked her in.

She didn't acknowledge my presence, but she had repeatedly said she felt safe in my company so I sat down on the bed and rubbed my hand over her upper back and arm over and over again, trying to soothe her with my touch. It seemed to help, because after a while the shaking lessened.

She was murmuring "I'm sorry" over and over again despite my objections until she fell asleep.

Later that day I was walking down the stairs when I saw Rose slip out the back door. She had her thicker coat on and the hood was up, blocking me from gauging her mood. I quickly retrieved my own jacket and boots and followed her. The sun had almost set and I didn't feel comfortable knowing she was out alone in the darkness.

I followed her silently for a while until I made a conscious effort to make more noise with my steps. She turned around with a frown, but seemed relieved to see me. She smiled apologetically. "Should've told you that I was heading out, sorry."

"I would prefer it if you do," I said. "Is everything alright?"

"Just disappointed in myself." I was about to argue with her but her tired look convinced me to drop it for now, I had to pick my battles. "And I don't really feel like being social," she continued.

"It's okay to just stay in your room, you don't have to be in the common areas."

"It feels rude."

"It's not."

She looked like she wanted to argue with me but was probably too exhausted to do that. We walked silently along the path that would take us around the lake. I was walking behind her, monitoring the woods and scanning for threats. I could easily see over her head which made my task easier. We came to a clearing that had a fallen tree just by the shoreline of the lake. The house was visible on the other side and the pink sky was reflected in the mirror-like surface. Rose walked over to the fallen tree and sat down, staring ahead.

I remained by the trees, standing so still that I blended into the surroundings.

After a while she stirred and turned around with a confused look on her face.

"Why are you standing there?" she asked with a frown.

"Just giving you some space."

"I've seen guardians do that. Blend into the sidelines."

I just nodded and swept my eyes over the darkening forest.

"This is weird. Can you just sit next to me?" she asked. I obliged and walked over to her, sitting down next to her with a respectable distance.

"Don't treat me like I'm your charge. It's weird."

I looked at her and felt like I could drown. Her face was lit up by the sky, her tanned skin tinted with a pink hue and the settling sun reflected in her dark orbs. The light accentuated the reds in her dark curls and I wanted to know if her hair felt as soft as it looked like. As the moment went on her mouth popped open a bit, surely about to ask what the hell I was doing, but she remained silent. I watched how her lips shined and called to me like nothing I'd ever experienced before. I knew what I must've looked like, my gaze hungry as it flicked down to her lips and back up.

Igor Sidorov.

The name popped into my head and I realized I needed to stop, I needed to remain professional. If I continued down this path I would be just as bad as him. I tore my eyes away from her and looked over the lake.

"You are my charge."

I didn't want to sound so cold, but it was hard to soften my tone after realizing how similar I was to Igor Sidorov.

"I thought I was more than that," she whispered so quietly that I wasn't sure if she wanted me to hear that.

"You're still my charge. My first and utmost duty is to keep you safe and well."

"But I am safe and well, so now you can ease off on the whole gruff guardian thing you got going on every now and then," she muttered. I looked over and noticed that she was pouting a bit and I wanted to smile.

"It's hard to find a balance," I simply stated, repeating the same words I said to her before.

"So I've heard," she said dryly.

We fell into a deep silence, both of us lost in our thoughts. I was thinking about how we hadn't been able to break the compulsion, which had to mean that the one who compelled Rose was strong, stronger than Vasilisa. It felt almost unbelievable since Vasilisa was by far the strongest compeller I had encountered.

Eventually I was forced to weigh in the impending darkness and make sure we headed back.

"Let's head back, the sun is soon completely set and I'd prefer if we were indoors by then," I said and stood up. I offered my hand to her and she took it, not even hesitating. I felt her soft hand slip into mine and I pulled her up on her feet. I released her hand, but she kept her grip on mine. I turned towards her with a question dancing on my face.

I observed her eyes tear up a bit, the last sun rays highlighting the emotion in her eyes. "Thank you Dimitri, for everything. For trying, and for being there for me."

I squeezed her hand and gave her a small nod. I wanted to cup her cheek and dry the corner of her eye, but it wasn't right. Instead I reluctantly let her hand drop and this time she didn't resist.

It was a silent walk back to the house.