Chapter 44 - In the same boat

Present day - End of April

Rose POV

"I want you to lower yourself to the ground, slowly. Let's try three to five seconds before you're fully lowered. And when you're done with the rep I want you to help yourself up to the starting position again."

Based on Dimitri's relaxed voice I would've never guessed that he was in the starting position for a push up, on his footpads and palms, his body a rigid plank. I watched him demonstrate by lowering himself slowly, his movement as controlled as his voice.

When he had lowered himself so that he was hovering just over the ground he placed a knee on the ground to help him up into the starting position again. I figured the whole knee thing was for my benefit. He didn't seem like the man that needed the assistance while doing push-ups.

"I want you to only do the eccentric phase of the rep," he continued and demonstrated once more. "Try to keep your elbows tucked in rather than flailing to the side." My mouth was somehow dry and wet at the same time as I watched the muscles in his arms and back work. The thin t-shirt in the technical material clung to him as a second skin, faintly revealing some interesting lines of his body.

"What's the point of doing only half the rep?"

"By focusing on the eccentric phase you're going to get your muscles accustomed to the movement and allow yourself to build up to a full rep. It's an excellent way to work on stability and control."

"I can do a full push-up," I said defiantly, scrambling clumsily to my knees. I shifted my feet back and placed my palms on the ground. I hovered in the starting position feeling the tension course through my body, filling me with doubt. Not that I would ever admit that to him. I managed to lower myself half way down before it really started straining, and the entire movement was sped up in order to preserve my strength. I paused, probably shamefully far from the ground, and started to push myself up. After a few inches of sheer determination I gave up and slumped harshly on the ground.

"Are you done?"

"Done with what?" I muttered, still keeping my cheek against the cool sparring mat.

"Done with being stubborn?"

I got up and gave him a dark look. He looked like he was fighting a smirk, but thankfully kept his respectable teaching face on.

"Get into position, narrow your stance a bit and try to focus on keeping your elbows tucked in. Remember, you're not going to push yourself up so the movement doesn't have to be sped up."

I did as I was told, but struggled to lower myself slowly like he had done.

"Try to slow down even more and control the movement, the idea is not to slump down," he instructed.

"Do I look like I have control?" I muttered through gritted teeth. This time he didn't manage to suppress his smile.

"Not so bad with half reps now?"

After five of them I was shaking, not being able to do it slow enough. I was doing okay until mid-way, but once I reached a certain point my upper body started protesting and it was hard to even keep myself rigid, not to mention fight the urge to just let go and let the ground take me. After another failed attempt he stopped me.

"Do you mind if I touch you?" he asked all of the sudden, one hand reaching out slightly.

I was glad my cheeks were already tinged from exercising because I felt the blush creep in. I looked at him with my mouth open, not sure what to say.

"When I instruct you, can I touch you? It's okay if you don't want me to, we'll make do either way."

"Uh," I started, still not sure of myself. I briefly thought about Igor and how he invaded my personal space. I looked at the man in front of me, on his knees with gentle eyes and an aura of calmness and confidence around him. I nodded timidly.

"Okay, get in the same position. I'll place my hand on your upper stomach to support you, is that okay?"

My gaze immediately flitted over to him, barely containing my alarm. "I'll take some of your weight off so you can focus on control, okay?" he added.

"Is this your way of calling me heavy?" I tried to joke. The joke was just an attempt to ease my nerves, but I wasn't fooling myself, let alone Dimitri.

He shook his head, probably exasperated. "Focus."

I scrambled back into position and when I held the tension in my body I felt his palm on my upper stomach, a safe distance from my breasts. It was clear that he was conscious not to touch that area and it made me feel more at ease. I started lowering myself and relished how much easier it was this time with his help. I did ten reps with his hand supporting me, still struggling to finish the last two. He seemed to know just how much pressure to add to make it hard enough for me.

"Rest for one minute, then another ten."

I was sure he had to assist me a lot more this round, and the heat of his palm on my stomach seared my skin in a most distracting way.

The master-torturer didn't stop there, he made me do two more sets. The last reps on the fourth set I was sure he was doing some sort of bicep curl with my body as I wasn't really helping any more. Without his hand there I probably would've crashed to the ground immediately.

"Drink this," he said and handed me a bottle of water. I sipped the water and watched as he walked over to one of the walls, unfastening a set of straps that had rings at the end of them. I stood up and watched curiously as he positioned them to the correct height. Whatever that was, he seemed to know.

He turned towards me. "These are gymnastic rings. It'll be a good way for you to work yourself up to a pull-up." I watched him closely as he grabbed one ring in each hand, took a few steps forward and then leaned back so that he was holding himself up by the rings with straight arms ahead of him, his heels on the ground and his body a rigid plank again. He turned his head towards me. "Pull yourself up, like this," he said as he pulled himself up. It looked easy enough, but I knew by now not to question his methods. He repeated the movement a couple of times, showing me that the further I stepped forward, and therefore the more parallel I was to the ground, the harder it was to complete the movement.

He made sure I started in a fairly upright position, leaning back only slightly.

"Remember control and a slow pace. If you hurry through the movement, you're cheating."

I grumbled when I started to pull myself upwards. The first few reps were easy, but soon enough it was hard and I was fighting to manage each rep. I managed the first set without his help.

"I'll place my hand between your shoulder blades, is that okay?" he said as I got into position again. I nodded, focused on not disappointing him.

I felt him start pushing on the fourth rep, his palm and the pressure giving me assistance to push myself through the entire set.

"You're doing too much with your arms and shoulders, I want you to try to pull with your back. Feel my palm, try to squeeze the muscles in your upper back towards it." I tried to follow his instructions, not sure if I was succeeding. "Good, much better," he murmured after a few reps.

I liked that. I wanted to be good and I wanted him to think I was doing a good job. I had a strange need to make him proud of me.

Half an hour later, I was sweaty and gross, not to mention exhausted. He made me cool down with ten minutes on the rowing machine, followed by a stern order to stretch. I would have objected to it more if it weren't for the fact that Dimitri was working out in front of me.

He had raised the gymnastic rings and executed perfectly two sets of full-rep pull-ups.

"How come you're not doing it on the bar, like Spiridon was?" I asked slightly out of breath.

"The rings offer an additional challenge. It forces the stabilizing muscles to engage more. I also like the variation."

I watched him grab some kind of belt and he secured it around his hips. It was wide and chunky, with some kind of chain attached to it. He took one of the large weight plates and attached the chain around it. It was only then that I realized what the belt was for.

"You've got to be kidding me?" I blurted out, my words coming out in puffs as I was out of breath. He looked up in surprise. "I can't even do a single one and here you are, actually adding weight to it?"

He blinked a couple of times before he chuckled and hopped up to grab the rings. I was awestruck as I watched him complete yet another perfectly executed set, unbothered by the added weight. Only the last few reps seemed heavy for him.

When he was finished he kept the belt and the weight on, carefully maneuvering himself so that he could grab his water bottle.

"You'll get stronger soon enough. With your dhampir genes, I'm sure it won't be long until we'll add the belts and chains."

He blinked a couple of times as if he realized something and turned his back to me. I briefly saw that the tip of his ear was red, and I was fairly sure it wasn't from exertion.

I was standing in the shower, enjoying the warm water cascade down my body. I let my mind wander freely, eventually thinking about my first and last session with Deirdre a couple of weeks ago. The way she had interrogated me, badgered me and asked an incessant amount of questions had left me mentally feeling like I'd gotten a beating from Moore. Dimitri had been present that first session, eventually calling the whole thing off before the hour was up. Rationally, I knew that the counselor was just trying to get an understanding of what she was dealing with, but the chemistry between us, or rather the lack of it, and the clinical feel to her way of approaching matters didn't suit me at all.

It had taken Dimitri another four days to convince me to let him set up a meeting with another Moroi, and that had been a much better experience. Talking to Dr. Olendzki was by no means a pleasant thing, but she had a way of letting me put words to things more freely and at my own pace. Every now and then, she would ask me some question or talk me through something I'd said to her.

In the beginning, the only reason I had let Dimitri schedule more sessions with Dr. Olendzki was the way he seemed to relax slightly knowing that I was speaking to someone about what I was going through. The first days after I had tried to harm myself with the knife he'd barely left me alone. He'd been watching me, no doubt checking the knife rack every evening and trying to find other signs that I was that unwell.

I took a lot of comfort in our bedtime routine. In the evening, he would join me in my room with a book of his own, while I read the book they had given me for my birthday. Albeit I would not focus on my reading, instead taking the opportunity to cast sideways glances at him as he sat in the plush chair next to the bed. Despite the few times he had stayed with me in the bed just after we had arrived at the house, he now simply refused to do that and adamantly told me it was wrong and that he shouldn't cross any lines like that.

No matter how I tried telling him over and over again that he wasn't crossing any lines for my part, he didn't change his resolve and instead sat in the chair, night after night. After a week I just stopped asking him and settled for the fact that he was in the same room as me.

He would stay in my room until I had fallen asleep. I was used to waking up several times every night, noticing that each time I was alone in my dark room. However, the door to my room was left open and if I shifted in my bed enough he would pop in briefly to check up on me, no doubt making sure I wasn't having a nightmare or harming myself. It was clear that he was sleeping on the couch by the tv area instead of his room, since the couch was closer to my room and allowed him to keep a better eye on me. He tried to be sneaky about it, covering his tracks before I got up in the morning, but I knew.

The shadows under his eyes darkened for each day that passed.

It bothered me so much, but not for the reason he thought. I was bothered by the fact that he didn't get to sleep, and whenever he did it was in an awkward position on that couch. More than once I had caught him rubbing his back to soothe the ache. I felt like absolute shit for making him worry so much and wished that I never would've touched that knife. Shame and guilt were a constant companion.

He was too stubborn to realize that, thinking that I was bothered by his proximity. No matter how I tried to tell him, he refused to give in and listen to me.

I closed the shower tap and got out, once again enjoying the luxurious feel of the heated tiles underneath my feet. I grabbed my towel and quickly dried myself.

I got dressed and headed upstairs to the kitchen to prepare something for lunch. My appetite had gone up after I had started training with Dimitri, something that seemed to put him more at ease than my words.

I had just grabbed the frying pan, ready to whip up an omelet when Dimitri stepped into the kitchen. My breath hitched as I took in his appearance. His hair was damp from his shower and he'd clearly skipped shaving, leaving the slight stubble to enhance his features. There wasn't really anything special about the way he looked, he looked entirely like anyone who'd just showered. But he just had a way of making my heart flutter just by looking at him, and it pained me to know it was entirely one-sided. I willed myself to look away and focus on the task at hand.

"I was thinking," he said and I turned around again, watching him grab an apple from the fruit bowl. "Would you like to go shopping with me? I need to go grocery shopping and we could stop at the mall before that. I need to buy some new resistance bands, it'll help with your training, and it would be a good idea to buy you some proper running shoes."

By the time he finished talking I was already grinning and bouncing on my feet, excited to leave the house. I had been here for so long, not really going anywhere except around the lake. And that didn't really count. I also knew that I had the money Lissa had given me so I wouldn't need to rely on their means this time.

He started smiling when he noticed my excitement. He looked at the frying pan in my hand. "Come on, let's eat something at the food court instead."

"When's Spiridon coming back?"

"You miss him?" Dimitri teased and wiped a crumb away from the corner of his mouth. We were seated in the food court, eating our sandwiches. Out of all the unhealthy, wonderful things the food court had to offer I had let him convince me to eat something with a little more nutritional value than fries. So a hearty chicken sandwich it was.

"I suppose I do," I said and shrugged my shoulders. Dimitri's eyes flicked between mine, as if he was searching for something, but the emotion behind them was out of reach.

"He'll be back soon, but I can't say exactly when."

"Is he in danger?"

"No, I wouldn't say that he is. He's been looking into the names of the Institutions, trying to see if he can find anything. He already met Arthur and last night he reported that he's going to look into the whereabouts of Alberta before returning to us."

"I thought she turned Strigoi."

Dimitri had just taken a big bite of his sandwich so I waited for him to finish chewing. I didn't mind, it gave me time to look at him. His five o'clock shadow was visible, evidence of him not shaving after our workout. I really liked it when he didn't shave every day, but I was too embarrassed to say that to him.

"Initially we thought so too, but according to one source she was spotted in broad daylight a year ago. Nothing has been confirmed yet, but both Spiridon and I agree that we need to follow our gut feeling and try to look for her instead of blindly assuming she was turned."

"I wish I had followed my gut feeling," I said weakly, thinking about Igor and how I ignored my instincts. Immediately Dimitri's eyes were filled with sadness and he reached over the table and placed his hand on top of mine. Neither of us said anything as he offered me his silent comfort.

"You know I'm going to talk to Spiridon about involving Adrian when he's back," I said in a quiet voice. I heard him sigh deeply, ignoring my words. The food court was hardly the right place to start the same argument again.

After a while of being hyper aware of his touch he gave me a squeeze and withdrew his hand. We both finished our lunch and headed to one of the stores that sold sports equipment.

The store was almost empty, probably due to the fact it was early lunch on a weekday. I looked around and saw a wall of shoes to the left.

"Why don't you go and look for shoes, I'll get the bands and come over to you."

My head snapped up. That wasn't part of the deal. He wasn't supposed to leave me alone. I took a step closer to him, and he leaned over slightly. "I'll be close. If you think you can manage to look around on your own, I think it would be good to practice."

"Practice what?"

"Exposing you to things or situations that cause anxiety, or removing factors that make you more at ease, like myself."

I eyed him suspiciously. "Did Dr. Olendzki put you up to this?"

"No, whatever you two talk about are between the two of you. I just figured I should know how to handle the situation you are in, so I started reading about things that could help."

"You read about this stuff?"

He shrugged his shoulders, and straightened himself up again. I got the feeling that he was nervous about my reaction. "If you don't think it's a good idea we'll go get the bands together."

"No, it's fine," I said and started walking over to the shoes before I changed my mind. I didn't hear him walk away so when I turned around again I was surprised to find the spot he'd been standing in empty. A churning feeling settled in my stomach but I forced myself to take one step at a time.

I was somewhat confused looking at all the different shoes until I noticed that the different sections had different purposes. I quickly moved over to women's running shoes. I wasn't sure where to start so I went by the looks, taking a colorful shoe in my hand and inspecting it.

"Is there anything I can help you with?"

I was so startled by the woman's voice that I yelped and dropped the shoe.

"Oh dear, let me get that for you."

I turned slightly and watched the middle aged woman pick the shoe up. She was wearing a t-shirt with the store logo on as well as a name tag, which made me feel a lot better. I thought about the disgusting man at Walmart who had lingered in the women's lingerie section, but this lady seemed harmless enough. I was still anxious, talking to humans wasn't really anything I did on a regular basis. The woman inspected the shoe before she shot me a smile.

"This one offers a lot of stability, do you know if you have underpronation?"

"Uh-"

She gave me another reassuring smile. "We have a treadmill here, would you like me to check your running gait?"

I didn't completely understand everything, but the woman seemed sweet and eager to help so I followed her over to the treadmill. I didn't run for long until she had seen enough of whatever there was to see, and we walked back over to the running shoes.

"You have a neutral gait, so there's no need for added stability. I think this one might fit you well," she said and pointed to one of the shoes. I gasped when I saw the price tag, and she must've heard it since she immediately pointed to a cheaper alternative. I wasn't the best with money but I knew that was too expensive, even with Lissa's money in my pocket. She directed me to one of the seats and promised to bring me a few options so I could start trying them out.

Unfortunately, the most expensive pair was the most comfortable for me. I had hoped that one of the cheaper ones would feel the best.

I walked around in the shoes that were the second best, trying to get a good feel.

"Should I take these away?" the woman asked, holding the box with the pair I secretly wanted. I nodded but couldn't help but feel a twinge of disappointment.

"Leave them here for a while, we're still considering."

The woman was so startled that she dropped the box she was holding.

"Oh my, didn't see you there." She was holding her chest and Dimitri leaned down to pick up the box.

"Yeah, he does that to people," I said and muttered. He shot me an amused look before apologizing to the woman. She went on to help another customer.

"Why don't you try these on again?" he asked while offering me the box of shoes.

I shook my head. "They weren't a good fit."

"I saw you and it sure seemed that these were the best so far."

"It's just not a good fit."

"Is it about the fit or the price?"

I sighed and ignored his question. I sat down and focused instead on taking the shoes off and placing them in the box so that I could go pay for them.

"Rose, I want you to buy the pair that feel the best, not settle on something." He walked over to me and kneeled before me. I bit my lip as I watched him take the expensive pair out of the box and helped me put them on. He pressed down on the tip, feeling my toes and nodded to himself. All the while my stomach did a somersault by having this gorgeous man kneeling at my feet, his ruffled hair so easily within my reach.

He looked up and gave me a smile, and I felt the air leave my body. "Move around in them," he suggested. I got up still a bit lightheaded and marveled at the feel of the shoes. I had never, ever tried on anything like these.

"Based on the look on your face it's about the price, not the fit," Dimitri stated. He turned towards the sales woman. "We'll take these," he said and nodded to the pair I was wearing.

"Wonderful, I'm sure your girlfriend will be happy with them."

I stopped. Girlfriend?

I looked over at Dimitri. He was standing still, almost rigidly, with his mouth slightly open. He seemed to be contemplating whether or not to correct the sales woman's assumption but in the end, he just turned towards me and gave me an unreadable look.

I couldn't help it, but the air seemed to shift slightly between us and I looked down at his parted lips, wishing that I could feel if they were as soft as they seemed. When I looked back up his eyes had darkened slightly.

He stared at me for so long the skin on my neck prickled. Eventually, as if he had to force himself, he looked away and clenched his jaw. "Ready?"

"Uh, actually, I kind of need something else," I mumbled.

He turned towards me again and this time his expression had cleared and he seemed more in control again. "What do you need?"

I was busy removing the shoes and placing them back in the box so when I spoke I directed my words to the ground and rushed through them while my ears were heated. "I kinda need to buy a sports bra." The one Lissa had given me was on the smaller side, just getting it on and off was hard enough to make me sweat so I really needed a second one that fitted better.

It took him a second or two for my words to sink in, but he wasn't thrown off or anything. I suddenly remembered our trip to Walmart, where he had helped me with the bra before as well as reminded me to buy the stuff other women use when they bleed, so I figured he was used to these things after growing up with his sisters. It significantly reduced the awkwardness I felt, and his relaxed demeanor only helped me embrace the fact that there wasn't anything to be ashamed of.

I picked the sports bra fairly quickly, allowing him to stand outside the fitting room as my guard. It was a task he most willingly took upon him. When I got out of the dressing room he was already making his way towards the check out, and I realized with a groan I wasn't going to convince him to let me pay for the purchases with the money Lissa had given me.

I found some consolation in the fact the money he had most likely came from Lissa as well.

It had been pouring rain all evening.

"I'm so going to regret this," I said and grabbed a handful of popcorn, shoving them into my mouth.

"Don't be so sure," Dimitri murmured.

I snorted. "You're always reading those western books so let me guess, we're going to watch something with cowboys in it?"

He smiled briefly and gave me a playful nudge. I couldn't help it, I was grinning and nudging him back. Despite the armchair and the large couch he had still sat down right next to me, so close that his thigh was touching mine. It made me feel almost giddy, but a part of me felt embarrassed about how much his proximity affected me. More and more I thought about how beautiful he was, the intriguing masculinity that called to me. How solid and reliable he always was, the one constant when everything else shifted. It wasn't that I minded how much he affected me, not only his proximity but truthfully his entire being, but a part of me just felt sad that he would never feel the same.

That part was becoming increasingly big.

To my surprise he had chosen an animated movie, and I was more than pleased. The one with the lions and other animals had been amazing.

"What movie is this?"

He took a sip of his water and settled the glass down on the coffee table. "Anastasia."

"What made you pick this movie?"

He turned to look at me and had a wistful smile on his face. "Vika adores this movie." His warm eyes bore into mine for a moment before he straightened himself and pressed play.

A few minutes into the movie I couldn't help but burst out. "The boy is named Dimitri!"

He chuckled. "Yes, the servant boy is Dimitri." I thought about saying something smart, but the movie swept me in again. I was so new to watching movies that each time it felt like being sucked into a new world, especially with the animated ones.

"Oh! Dimitri's helping them escape, look, he's helping them!"

Dimitri cast me an indulgent smile and hummed.

"Is this a true story?"

"Well, minus the green goblin and spirits I suppose it draws its inspiration from true events." I looked at him quizzically before he continued. "The movie plays out in Russia, I think Petrograd if they followed the historical events, in other words St Petersburg where we boarded Vasilisa's private jet. The father of the family, Nikolaj Romanov, is also known as Nikolaj the second. The February revolution forced him to abdicate, effectively ending the Romanov dynasty. Later on the entire tsar family was murdered."

I gasped. "Anastasia too?"

"Her body was never found, and the filmmakers took some liberties when telling the tale."

I turned my attention back to the movie, shivering slightly as I thought about Dimitri's words.

…Anastasia, my beloved Grandchild, I never saw her again.

"Why, what happened? Did she die?"

"I think you should watch the movie and find out," he said with a chuckle.

Not long passed until I blurted out again. "What is a comrade?"

"I'm afraid if I teach you that then you'll start calling me it."

"Come on," I whined.

"It's just a word commonly used in portrayals of the Soviet Union and the Cold war, popular among communists and socialists. In the present day it's still used among Russian armed forces. It means camaraderie, fellowship."

"Okay, comrade."

"Watch the movie."

"Whatever, comrade."

I noticed that he cast me an annoyed glance, and I smiled mischievously. It was clear that he wasn't too pleased with that nickname.

Well, actually, this is going to sound crazy. I don't know my last name.

"Dimitri! That's like me, I don't know my last name either," I said and bounced on the couch.

"I'm aware of that, Rose. Watch the movie."

I was found wandering around when I was eight years old.

"I was seven when you found me wandering around in the woods. Dimitri, this is so crazy! It's like us!"

He laughed at my enthusiasm. "Watch the movie."

"But, it's like-" I started saying, but was interrupted by his arm making its way around my shoulder. He pulled me towards him and my breath hitched right before he covered my mouth with his hand. My hand instinctively seeked out support from the sudden movement and landed on his thigh. My side was pressed flush against his solid body. I felt him shift slightly, lowering his head towards mine. I stopped breathing.

"Watch the movie," he murmured close to my ear. He kept his warm, dry hand on my mouth in a playful manner for a few more moments before he released me. If he had thought that I would scoot away from him he was dead wrong. Finally, he had given me the opportunity to be close to him, and unless he was going to force me I was definitely not going to move back.

His breathing was steady, but I got the feeling that it was more rapid than usual. His chest moved up and down and I moved with him. The hand that had covered my mouth left me completely, probably resting on the back of the couch. I wished more than nothing else that he would wrap it around me again and pull me even closer to him.

Unfortunately, not all wishes come true. He didn't push me away, but he didn't encourage the situation either. I got the feeling that he was wrestling with himself, feeling the arm behind me move a few inches before settling back down. Eventually my neck started to strain from keeping it up, so with a deep gulp of breath I gathered the courage and lowered my head to his chest.

I felt and heard the steady beating of his heart. After a while I moved my hand away from his thigh in order to scratch a spot that tickled. I wasn't thinking so when I placed my hand back on his thigh, a lot higher than before, I heard his heart in his chest start to beat faster. I was completely still, not sure if I was making him uncomfortable. It hadn't been my intention to do so, but I wanted to see if he would push me away.

He didn't.

After the movie we both stretched, and I cast him a shy glance. He seemed stoic and poised, the mask was on.

"I'm going to check the wards, I'll be back soon."

I looked outside and shivered. "It's still pouring out there, do you really have to?"

He walked over to the door that led outside and opened it. He stepped outside, staying under the upstairs deck in order to stay dry. I joined him, this time shivering from the cold.

"Can you feel that?" he murmured. I shook my head, uncertain of what he meant. "It's stuffy," he added quietly.

I thought about his words, thinking about the meaning behind them. "Thunder storm?"

He just nodded. I anticipated the sky to light up in that instance, but it wasn't quite that dramatic. I shuffled into my room and changed into pajamas, and then went on to quickly wash my face and brush my teeth. Just as I exited the bathroom the window was lit up by a lightning strike, and a few moments later I heard the thunder. We were still well outside the worst of the storm and I was hoping that it would pass us. I got under the covers and anxiously waited for Dimitri to return. It wasn't that I was scared of storms, but the pouring rain combined with ominous flashes of light that were accompanied by the sound of the sky breaking apart was making me uneasy.

Eventually Dimitri came back, completely soaked. I heard him bolt the door shut before he disappeared, probably to hang up his wet clothes in the laundry room. When he returned he was dry with the exception of his hair that was more than damp. He was wearing a black guardian uniform and even going as far as wearing his black combat boots, carrying a towel which he used to dry his hair and neck.

"Is everything okay?" I asked after noticing his appearance.

"The wards are fine, however the technical equipment isn't holding up. It's raining so much that the motion sensors are obscured."

"But the wards are fine?"

He nodded. "Whoever might come, it won't be Strigoi." He looked around my room, eventually eyeing the chair he would always sit in before I fell asleep. "I need to stay here tonight," he said and grabbed the chair, moving it closer to the door. He seemed to place it strategically into a position that gave him most leverage in case someone would barge in.

"Nobody's going to come here. They don't know about this place."

"We can't know for sure," he said firmly before sitting down in the chair. His back was towards me but I could see enough of his side to watch him gently trace the outline of his stake with two fingers, before he moved to check his gun.

"Look, you can't sit in that chair the entire night. It's ridiculous."

"There's nothing ridiculous about your safety."

"I am safe!" I exclaimed just as a lightning strike lit up the room. I was startled and noticed that he raised one of his eyebrows before turning towards the door again.

"We should take turns guarding," I suggested.

"That won't be necessary."

I was so frustrated that I actually kicked the mattress with one of my legs. He must've heard my growl but chose to ignore it.

"What does it matter if you stay in the chair or join me in this bed?"

"Firstly, by sitting here I can buy us valuable time, life-altering seconds if someone were to come. Secondly, it's wrong. I've already told you that, I can't take liberties with you I have no right to take."

Now I was mad enough to jump out of bed. I stomped in front of him. "I've told you repeatedly that you're not taking any-" I said through gritted teeth and made a quotation mark in the air while I continued "-liberties."

His only response was to stand up, towering over me. I couldn't help it, a small, almost non-existent, part of me felt the fear of a guardian asserting his dominance, and I shrugged back. It was only half an inch, a remarkably small movement, but it was enough for him to notice. He didn't need to say anything since I had just proved his point.

My anger seeped out of me and left me feeling small and deflated. "Why can't you trust me?"

"It's not right."

"I've told you over and over again, I want to sleep with you. Why are you being so hard about it? Why are you saying that it isn't right?"

Something flickered in his expression. His mask was firmly in place, but it seemed as if he was fighting for control. "I want you to sleep with me" I said again more calmly, and this time his eyes flicked down to my lips and back up so quickly I wasn't entirely sure if it happened. I swallowed and took a step closer.

"It's wrong," he whispered.

I looked up at his stoic face. "If you don't want to sleep with me, that's okay. I'll respect your decision. But don't try to put this all on me and say that it's wrong for my sake. I respect and trust you, and think we both deserve a good night's sleep, that's all."

I watched the steely resolve start to crumble. Even that felt like a victory to me. I stepped back and started gathering some pillows.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm building a wall," I said over my shoulder. I put the pillows in the middle of the bed, creating a divider. I felt his heavy gaze on me but ignored him, and once I was finished with the pillows I walked around the bed, ready to lie down.

"No."

I looked up in surprise. "No?" I asked with my brows furrowed.

"Other side," he grunted.

I looked at the bed and realized he didn't want me to sleep closest to the door. I rounded the bed again and laid down on the side furthest in.

He stood still for a moment that felt like an eternity. I almost held my breath in anticipation of his next move. He shook his head, locked the bedroom door and walked over to the bed and sat down. He leaned down, no doubt to remove his heavy combat boots. I was hoping that he would remove more layers of clothing but he settled on the shoes.

I smiled into my pillow when he laid down.

"I'm holding you responsible if this ends badly," he muttered.

"Why would it end badly? " I answered, all too cheerily. "Nobody's going to come."

"You're damn right nobody's going to come," he muttered, so silently I wasn't sure I'd heard him correctly.

It felt like such a weird thing to say, like he meant something different with his words. But I decided not to push him. This time, instead of waiting for me to fall asleep, he actually blacked out cold within a few minutes. He was more exhausted than I had realized, and I smiled again in the darkness knowing that he could finally rest.