Chapter 45 - Blurry boundaries

Present day - End of April

Dimitri POV

For the first time in ages, I didn't feel the urge to jump out of bed. I didn't feel the brief moment of panic that urged me to find Rose.

It took me several seconds to realize why the urge wasn't there.

My hand engulfed the small hand that was laying on top of my chest. As I stirred more and more awake my thumb rubbed the smooth, soft skin of the hand I was holding, not thinking about the meaning behind it. I knew that it was Rose who was grasping my shirt, and I wasn't sure if I had placed my hand on top of hers to prevent her from pulling her hand back or if I just needed the comfort. Either way, I didn't care. I didn't care if it was right or wrong. I didn't care if I should or shouldn't.

I opened my eyes, only to confirm that Rose had breached the wall between us. The pillows were still very much in place, but probably in an attempt to seek comfort she had sneaked her hand between the pillows to find me. I couldn't see Rose but based on her deep, even breathing she was still fast asleep. I looked up without moving too much and noticed that the storm had cleared, and it was dawn. I knew I needed to check the surveillance equipment instead of just assuming that it worked, but it didn't feel urgent. I had no real reason to believe it wouldn't work, last night the sensors had only been obscured by the heavy rain.

My thumb continued to gently rub Rose's skin. Her hand was so small. I hoped the rough skin of my palm and fingers didn't disturb her, and I listened intently if her breathing changed at all.

It didn't, she was sound asleep.

I felt the holster with my stake press into me painfully so I shifted carefully. The hand that wasn't holding Rose's hand moved to my belt buckle. I paused when my fingertips touched the cold metal. It felt wrong opening my belt, but I took comfort in the fact that it was only for the purpose of removing the holster. I ended up needing both my hands but managed to shuffle the belt off. When I was finished I sighed deeply, only now realizing how uncomfortable it had been sleeping in the full uniform. I leaned over to the bedside table to place my stake there next to the gun that was already there. When I leaned I felt Rose grasp my shirt even tighter, preventing me from getting away.

I looked down at her hand and smiled, maneuvering the stake onto the table without disturbing her grip.

I placed my hand on top of hers again.

I knew that it wasn't right. I knew that I shouldn't. But I just didn't care. For so long everything had been about others. I just felt like I needed this moment, and I didn't have too big of qualms about taking it.

I was warm. The belt loops of my pants were small bumps underneath me, causing discomfort. I realized though that the main reason for waking up was my bladder, with the unfortunate side effect of having an erection. It wasn't anything sexual, no residual of a dream or thoughts of that sort, just a physiological response to needing to relieve myself. I tried to subtly shift myself, but the pants weren't giving me much room to work with. It was a lot more uncomfortable than the belt loops.

Rose was safely on her side of the bed again, the wall of pillows in place.

I got up and used Rose's bathroom with some difficulty, feeling like a teenager again. It quickly helped and when I got back out everything was normal again.

I looked out the window and realized the sun was up. We were way past morning, and a quick glance at my watch confirmed that it was after lunch already. We had slept for more than twelve hours, at least I had. I didn't know when Rose had fallen asleep, and felt just a twinge of guilt for not making sure she was okay.

After grabbing my weapons and shoes I walked out of her room and proceeded to check the wardline, making sure the technical surveillance worked. Everything was in order, but it was slightly worrisome that it failed if it rained too heavily.

I got back inside the house and still felt tired. Not even the brisk air outside, the shining sun and the wind against my skin was enough to make me fully alert. It was hard to believe that was even possible after sleeping so much. I ended up taking a shower, even going as far as turning the water ice cold in order to wake up properly. I stood under the freezing water, trying to coax my body back into control.

After my shower I changed into a pair of shorts and a t-shirt, and walked upstairs to the kitchen with heavy steps. I wondered briefly if this was how Rose felt when she was sick, but knew nothing would compare to what she went through during those times. I knew we needed to start planning ahead of her next sickness, trying to find a way to handle it safely. But right now, I was tired, I was sluggish and I was done trying to force my body to move forward when it clearly needed to stop and rest.

Not only did my body need that, but my mind too. So much had happened in such a short time, and I hadn't stopped to process everything the way I needed. I had put all my focus on Rose.

My training, experience and dedication made it easy enough. Going forward and handling things was something I was good at. But it was overwhelming what one night of good, solid sleep could do, disrupting the equilibrium.

By now I was carrying bottles of water and a plate of sandwiches and fruit downstairs. I figured if Rose was still in bed she needed the rest too. When I got into her room she was lying diagonally on the bed, the wall of pillows scattered all over the bed and the floor. She was still asleep but barely, clearly restless and distressed. I placed the plate on the table and nudged her gently awake. She woke up with a gasp, her eyes searching for something frantically. When she turned her head and saw me she relaxed instantly. I watched her gaze lingering on the damp strands of hair around my face.

"Good morning," she mumbled.

"We slept really late. It's after lunch already."

"Oh." She popped up on one elbow and noticed the plate of food. She gave me a thankful smile and nibbled on some fruit. She only took a few bites though before she looked at me apologetically. "I don't think my stomach is awake yet."

I passed her some water and grabbed a sandwich. "Try again after you've been up for a while," I said. "Move over, you're hogging my side of the bed." She moved back over to her side so that I could sit down and lean against the headboard. I was glad that she didn't seem scared or uncomfortable after we slept together in the same bed. I watched her as she eyed the scattered pillows.

"I suppose the wall didn't work," she said and bit her lip.

"The pillows worked quite well actually. It was only when I got up that you breached the border and did a hostile takeover of my side of the bed."

"Uh, excuse me mister, but this is actually my bed," she muttered. I chuckled, and she gave me a coy smile. I enjoyed our banter, it felt so comfortable and natural. It felt like an honor to get the chance to see what was underneath Rose's layers of fear and repression.

I took a bite and chewed slowly. Despite sleeping so much I didn't really feel the hunger yet, similarly to Rose. However I had been up for so long it seemed unlikely that my stomach wasn't awake.

She shuffled out of bed and disappeared into her bathroom. I could hear the faucet running, leaving me to finish my sandwich alone. I figured I would give her some privacy so I headed upstairs to the kitchen to fix myself a cup of coffee.

I had drunk half of the cup when she joined me, carrying the plate from downstairs.

"How about we test out your new running shoes?" I asked in between a sip.

"Around the lake?" she said after she had finished chewing.

"Yes, or we could try out some of the other trails around this area."

"I'd like to see more of the area so another trail would be nice, as long as bears won't eat us. We don't have Spiridon's plump ass as bait this time." The last bit was said with equal amounts of warmth and sarcasm.

"You shouldn't listen to him," I said as I was fighting a smile.

"This was," she said between puffs of breath, "such a," more puffs, "bad idea."

"You see that tree over there?" I asked and she nodded. "Last push, you can make it to that tree." She nodded again and increased her pace ever so slightly. Interesting. She wasn't as tired as she was making out to be. When we got to that tree I urged her to run to the next landmark. This time, she didn't have any extra effort in her and barely managed to keep up with the same pace.

"Good girl," I murmured when we came to a stop and I handed her a water bottle.

"You," wheezing, "lied to," she said, but seemed to think breathing was more important than complaining and didn't finish her sentence.

"You did well, Rose. In such a short time you've made a lot of progress."

After a while of trying to even out her breathing and calming down she passed back the water bottle. I took a sip out of it.

"Aren't you worried about my germs?" she asked. I couldn't help it, I chuckled. I was surprised that she even thought about that.

"No, should I be?" I asked. She shook her head and grabbed the bottle again and took a defiant sip. "Aren't you worried about my germs?" I teased her back.

"No, besides, after last night I think your germs are already all over me."

I halted, for a brief moment of terror thinking I had done something to her in my sleep, something that I didn't remember. But I was sure I hadn't, and the way she had said it so casually made me think she was just referring to us sleeping next to each other. In so many ways, she was so innocent. She had no idea what I could do to her to place my mark all over her body-

Stop it, Belikov. Reign it in.

Innocent.

Vulnerable.

Fragile.

I was glad she was getting help and seeing a counselor. I trusted her, but didn't think she would be able to make an informed, healthy decision about her sexuality or intimacy. Not until she had processed everything and experienced things outside the Institution. And it's not like I was just biding my time, waiting for her to be ready for something at some point. I couldn't do that to her, I couldn't be that kind of person.

"Are we going to run back?" she asked me, still out of breath. I didn't reply immediately, still lost in my thoughts. "Can't we stay here for a little while? It's beautiful."

I looked around and really took in our surroundings after hearing Rose's words. We were by another lake, the large mountains surrounding us completely. It was beautiful, it was private. The sun was still shining, the lake glittering in front of us. Montana was so much like Baia, even the evergreen pine trees scattered all around us. Late April, we had finally entered Spring, and only the tops of the mountains had snow.

"We can stay for a while, as long as you'll tell me when you get cold," I said and turned towards Rose. Her cheeks were pink, a few strands of hair plastered to her face.

She nodded and stared ahead of her.

"How is it going with Dr. Olendzki?" I asked.

She shrugged her shoulders. "It's good. Some days, I feel really bad before talking to her. Some days, I feel really bad afterwards. But I suppose in a way it's good to talk to her. There's just more stuff than I even realized."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"I don't know, I don't want to bother you."

"It's not a bother. The only reason I haven't asked more is because I don't want to impose, I wanted to give you space. I don't want you to feel like you need to disclose things you talk through during your counseling."

"I worry so much, you know. About Meredith and the others. And I can't stop thinking about Eddie and Mason. They aren't bad, they were just forced to do some bad stuff but it hurt them too. Moore just hurt us all, and it makes me angry. And sad and anxious and desperate." She took a deep, shuddering breath. "They were my friends. And then all of the sudden they weren't. They became guardians. And guardians were just equal to assholes on a power trip." The last part was said as a joke, but I didn't want her to try to joke away the seriousness of the topic.

"Meredith and the others are under the commander's custody."

"I thought there was a leak and we couldn't join the others because it wasn't safe."

"The ones we secured from the Ardeal Institution were taken again, but not your friends."

"So they're with Arthur, right?"

"That's right. He's a veteran, experienced and seasoned. I don't know any details about their whereabouts, but I'm sure they're fine." I wanted to reassure her but that was all I had to offer.

"Why? It worries me that nobody seems to know anything."

"It's a tactic, really. If anything would go wrong, if one of us were captured or part of the leak, we're keeping the information contained in small groups. This means that Arthur has no idea about our whereabouts, and we'll keep it that way. And we don't know details about his team and the other taken ones he's in charge of."

"Yeah, it makes sense, I think." She kicked some pebbles before speaking again. "I don't think you're an asshole on a powertrip."

"I know that."

"It's just, sometimes I think about the night we met again. When you came into the basement I was so scared. You were this massive shape on top of Moore. All of the sudden, the biggest tormentor of my life was suddenly tormented, no, annihilated by someone even bigger. I didn't know who you were and that you came to save me, I was just so scared."

"And what about now?"

"Am I still scared of you?" she asked, and I nodded, steeling myself for her answer. I had noticed the way she flinched sometimes when I came too close. "No, I'm not scared. I know you think that I am but you have to understand that I was practically raised with the fact that guardians dictated the law and didn't hesitate to punish us. It wasn't only Moore, everyone else was the same. Okay, not like everyone, I suppose Alto wasn't really like that."

"I think Spiridon and I saw this Alto, he was the one who interfered when Moore was beating you up?" I noticed her puzzled look and it was clear that she didn't remember. "Spiridon and I had just found the Institution and we were waiting in the shadows of the forest when Moore dragged you outside. That was the moment I realized I had found him. When he took you away from us in Baia his voice and face were forever ingrained in my memory. I recognized him immediately. Almost shot him then and there."

I looked around the woods just to make sure nobody was around. "Alto stopped him from hurting you and ordered you to go inside. From what we saw, Alto seemed like one who had managed to hold onto his humanity." She didn't say anything, only nodded absentmindedly.

"I don't blame you for being scared," I said after a while. "I've never lost control like that. When I saw him in the basement, saw the state that you were in, I just lost it. I should've tended to your needs better, taken care of you, protected you. All my focus just zoned in on hurting him."

She sighed deeply, biting her lip and looking out to the lake. "It's just funny how I had thought about being rescued for so many years, and when it finally happened I ended up just being terrified of you. You have no idea how much I daydreamed of the moment I'd meet you again and when it happened it was nothing like I'd imagined."

It actually earned a slight chuckle from me. "It was nothing like I'd imagined either. I never thought I'd find you in that kind of situation."

The clouds moved across the sky as we both remembered the moment, probably from very different perspectives.

"I'm sorry I hit you with that shovel." It wasn't the first time she'd said that and I hoped that she would stop feeling guilty about that.

"I would've done the same." I said with a shrug of my shoulders. We fell silent after that, engulfed in our thoughts.

"It bothers me, sometimes," I said eventually. I hadn't even planned on saying it out loud, but it just slipped.

I looked at Rose and felt like drowning again. The sun was revealing amber spots in her eyes that were open and curious, with a slight worry.

"I almost killed a dhampir," I continued.

"What about your Molnija marks?"

"They were all Strigoi, and even if they were former dhampirs, or Moroi or humans for that matter, it's not the same. I have never hurt anyone like that, never lost control control like that."

"Moore has a way of getting under your skin."

While her words were true, she was getting under my skin a lot more. I looked at her once more and noticed that she was shivering.

"That's it, we're running back. Just a slight jog though and we'll pause to walk whenever we need."

I had brushed my teeth and changed into a set of shorts and a t-shirt. I wasn't in the mood to argue with Rose tonight, last night had been the best sleep I had gotten in years and we both needed the opportunity to rest. It didn't stop me however from taking a set of spare clothes, my combat boots and my weapons into her room. I placed them next to the bed so that I could easily grab them. I straightened up just as Rose came out from her bathroom looking surprised to find me in her bedroom.

"I was expecting more bitching," she said casually as she walked around the bed.

"Bitching?" I asked with disbelief.

She made a poor impersonation of me, trying to mimic the Russian accent. "It's wrong, we shouldn't, I don't want to impose, no taking any liberties."

The way she excessively rolled her Rs when she spoke was hilarious, but my only reaction was to raise one eyebrow. She blanched a little, looking embarrassed. "Too far?"

"Get into bed before I change my mind."

She moved quickly and got under the covers. I checked that the border between us was intact before I also got into bed.

"Dimitri?" she said and I hummed. "Is the wall of pillows really necessary?"

"Don't push it, Rose."

I fluffed my pillow and got into a comfortable position lying on my back, one hand under my head and the other on my chest where Rose's hand had been this morning. I stared up into the ceiling, thinking about how close she was. But even despite the meager wall between us and how easy it would be to move the pillows, she was so utterly unattainable, so out of reach and out of limits. I knew I needed to give her time, and that I also needed time. But not for the first time, I just wished that she wasn't so much younger than me, that she hadn't been through so much.

I wished that we were equals, and that my position and experience wouldn't put her in such a disadvantage.

My nose tickled. I moved my head back slightly and scrunched my nose to get rid of it. I took a deep breath and just felt a wave of happiness wash over me. Safety, comfort, allure.

The last thought sobered me slightly and I blinked my eyes open, realizing what precarious situation I was in.

Or rather, we were in.

This time it wasn't Rose who had breached the border. I was complete on Rose's side of the bed, holding her tightly against me. Her back was pressed against my front, our legs entangled and my arms wrapped around her like I was never going to let go of her. I wasn't sure where all the pillows were but the wall seemed completely destroyed. I had a suspicion that the blame was on me.

I let myself cherish the moment for a while, focusing on Rose's scent whirling around me and the way she felt in my hold. She was the perfect size for my embrace. My arm was thrown over her in a way that made me feel the dip of her waist, the curve of her hips. She was perfect. So utterly, painstakingly perfect in my arms.

I focused on her steady breathing, the feel of her heartbeat reassuring me that she was safe.

I wanted to draw her in and pull her tighter against me, but instead I gathered all my will-power and rolled away from her. She let out a displeased moan but didn't seem to wake up, not even as I maneuvered my arm away from under her head. I moved as far away from her as I could, feeling the edge of the bed on my side. I looked down on the floor and noticed all the pillows from the wall scattered on the floor, only confirming that it was me who had breached it. It looked like I had purposefully torn it down. I sat up and gathered them so that I could reinstall the wall.

"Is that Spiridon?" Rose asked and pointed to the right side of the parking lot. We were in the middle of an industrial area close to the mall we had visited a couple of days ago. I looked at the direction she was pointing, seeing a tall, blond man standing by a couple of cars.

"That's him," I replied and steered us in that direction.

"I thought he had a car, why are we picking him up?"

"He took the stolen car to get rid of it now that we have Vasilisa's parents' car."

"Lissa's," she corrected me once again. I stopped the car and she eagerly climbed out of the car and ran towards Spiridon, jumping up in his arms. He caught her with ease and swirled her around. I sat behind the wheel, watching as they were both laughing and hugging each other. Spiridon had been gone for weeks and I hadn't realized how much Rose would miss him. And it seemed Spiridon had missed Rose as well. He put her back down on the ground and guided her towards the car, pulling her tightly against him and kept his arm around her. It looked almost like they were a couple in the midst of a happy reunion, and I couldn't help but feel a pang of jealousy.

He opened the front door and helped Rose into the front seat. "Hey, man. Good to see you," he greeted me and offered me his hand. I took it, clasping my fingers around his and smiled widely. It was good to have him back, not only for the sake of Rose. "Want me to drive?" he asked. I opened my seatbelt and got out, thankful for the reprieve. It had been a long drive here. I sat in the back seat.

It had only been a couple of minutes when Spiridon turned down the radio.

"You look well, Rose. A lot better since the last time I saw you." I realized they hadn't seen each other since Rose found out that Igor Sidorov had taught to say vile things in Russian.

Moya kukolka.

My fist tightened thinking about a man calling Rose that. She wasn't a little doll, let alone anyone's little doll.

"Thanks, I've been sleeping with Dimitri and feel like a new person."

She said it so casually, so cheerfully that I didn't even think about the meaning behind her words and how Spiridon would interpret them.

"Is that so?" he murmured, his tone as casual as hers had been. I vaguely noticed the blinkers, the car slowing down, us stopping in an abandoned parking lot. The click of Spiridon's seatbelt was loud in the car. I was caught up in thinking about Igor and didn't really register what was going on around me until Spiridon leaned back and grabbed me by my shirt and started pounding me with his fist.

"You slept with her?" he roared in Russian in between his punches. "What the fuck, Dimitri! You think your dick has a healing energy all of the sudden? She's not fit for that and you fucking know it." I blocked most of his hits but a part of me felt like I deserved the beating.

"I didn't sleep with her that way, mudak," I said between gritted teeth. The last few punches weren't as purposeful as before. "We just slept, really. That's all."

Rose had been frantic trying to stop Spiridon from hurting me and I was afraid he had accidentally hit her. Sometimes, she should just learn to stay out of it. When Spiridon slowed down his movements she grabbed his arm and tried to pull it away, trying to stop him from punching. He turned towards her. "Rose, did Dimitri have sex with you?"

Her shriek was loud. "What?!"

"I swear to God Rose, we'll hide his body together. You can tell me, I'm here for you. Did Dimitri try anything while I was gone? Did he sleep with you?"

"Yeah, we slept together but-"

"Fucking asshole!" Spiridon spat out. He was punching me again and I just took it, knowing that a part of me deserved it. It wasn't like I had sex with Rose, but I had crossed boundaries that I shouldn't have had.

"What is going on?" Rose yelled. She was again clinging onto Spiridon's arm and I was afraid that he would hurt her.

"Careful," I said in a low, dangerous voice, my eyes trained on the way his elbow was driving into Rose. He seemed to realize that he might hurt her and stopped punching me.

"Why is it so wrong to sleep with each other?" Rose shrieked. She was borderline hysterical, clearly not understanding what was going on. "We had a wall of pillows between us!"

Spiridon's eyebrows furrowed. "Pillows? Is this some kind of kinky shit I haven't heard of?"

"Kinky?!" The volume of Rose's exclamation actually hurt my ears a bit.

"Do you even know what kinky means?" Spiridon asked.

"Maybe?!"

"Listen, it's not what you think. We slept together, keeping a wall of pillows between us. And when I say sleep I actually mean sleep," I explained.

"What else would sleep mean?!" Rose yelled and started slapping Spiridon wherever she could find an opening.

Spiridon turned to Rose and grabbed her wrists, blocking her from slapping him. "Jesus fuck, Rose, sometimes I forget you've lived under a rock. When you say you slept with someone it's the same as saying you had sex with someone."

"What?" she shrieked again. "I did not have sex with Dimitri!"

"Just say the word, Rose. I'm on your side."

"I thought that he's your friend!"

"He is, but more importantly you're someone who should be able to rely on us. No questions asked. And that does not involve a naked Dimitri anywhere near you."

Rose blushed furiously, probably thinking about the time in the cabin when she tried to escape through the window and my towel dropped when I dragged her back inside. It did not go unnoticed by Spiridon.

"Oh, you motherfucker," he muttered and angrily got out of the car. I didn't wait for him to yank my door open, I got out myself. We needed to resolve this in our own way and as usual, it involved a hell of a lot of pounding and pain.

We only stopped when I felt small hands on my shoulder, pulling me back. I followed Rose's hold and moved away from Spiridon who was lying on his back on the ground.

"Rose, you need to tell me the truth," he said while panting for air. "Have you seen Dimitri naked?"

Again, the blush spread. "I didn't see everything." Before Spiridon got up I quickly pinned him down and prevented him from lashing out again.

"It was an accident," I said with a strain in my voice from the effort of keeping Spiridon on the ground.

"Oh, cut the bullshit Belikov, seeing your dingaling is not an accident."

Rose made a choked sound. "I did not see his dingaling, douchebag!" she screamed, her voice oddly high-pitched. "It was before my sickness, all right! I tried to escape through the window while he was showering, it was in that dingy cabin after the first night. And he came in and stopped me from climbing out the window wearing only a towel and it, sort of, you know, dropped. But I swear I didn't see every part of him. And even if I did it wasn't his fault."

Spiridon looked like he was gritting his teeth hard enough for him to chip them. "I don't know what to believe anymore."

"We did not have sex! Will you just stop it, already?" Rose said angrily. I released him and offered him my hand to help him up but he ignored it.

"Oh grow up," she muttered. "Get in the car, both of you. You're acting like assholes right now." She made a point by yanking the car door open and getting into the car herself slamming the door shut, leaving us alone.

"Dimitri, tell me the truth."

"I did not have sex with her. What you said is true, she's not fit for anything like that. She needs to focus on healing."

"I've seen the two of you."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I challenged him.

"There's something between the two of you, some kind of pull. You're close, but just don't get too close. Before you know it, you've gone too far."

I felt so exposed. I hadn't realized that Spiridon had seen so much and realized that something was going on. It's not like I had done anything untoward but it felt best not mentioning the fact I had woken up with her in my arms. "I'm not going to go too far."

"I know you, Dimitri. The girl is special to you, anyone can see that."

"She is," I said curtly. There was no point in lying, I had spent over a decade trying to find her.

"Look at me." I turned towards him and we leveled each other up. I was only an inch or two taller than him but the gray eyes bore into me, scrutinizing me, and all of the sudden I felt smaller than him. "Leave her be."

"I don't think I can," I whispered while I met his heavy gaze.

"You have to. It's unhealthy for her."

"Don't you think I know that! I'm not going to do anything. It's not just a rushed search for pleasure, you know me better than that. I would never do that to her or anyone else for that matter. But I don't think I will be able to leave her again. Losing her once was enough, and now that I've actually gotten to know her-" I said and trailed off.

"Fine, have it your way. But no more nakedness. If you have to shower with clothes on, I don't fucking care, as long as there are no more accidents." He walked over to the car, stopping with one hand on the handle to the driver's seat. "And Dimitri, this whole sleeping together thing? Not really sure how I feel about it."

"That makes two of us," I muttered to myself after Spiridon had slammed the car door shut.

Spiridon insisted that we stopped by the same mall Rose and I had been to a couple of days ago. It was still awkward and tense between the three of us when we walked into the store that sold sporting goods.

"Hi, good to see you again."

I turned and saw the same woman who had helped Rose pick out her running shoes. I gave her a curt smile.

"Is your girlfriend enjoying the shoes?" she asked me while she folded a shirt.

Spiridon was far away but had heard the woman loud and clear. I felt his glare on the back of my neck.

"The shoes were fine, thank you." It still didn't make any sense to correct her assumption about my relationship with Rose. If anything, it was a good cover. At least that was what I would tell Spiridon later on.

"Anything I can help you with today?"

"No, we're just looking, thank you." I dismissed her quickly, trying not to be too rude. I just wanted to avoid another fight with Spiridon. He walked over to me with purposeful steps.

"Girlfriend?"

"It's a good cover," I replied stone faced.

"You're digging your own grave," he muttered under his breath, making sure Rose didn't hear him. Before I got the chance to explain myself he had moved away.

Rose was lingering to the side, looking at some tights, completely oblivious to us. I followed him and stopped next to him, so close that my side was touching his. "Drop it."

He turned and glared at me. "Fine. There's more important matters to discuss anyway."

We discreetly moved even further to the side, still keeping an eye on Rose. "I got the copy of the Blackbird journal," he said in a low voice while he looked at some hoodies.

"Did you read it?"

"Parts of it. Celeste was right, that guy is a predator." He stalled for a moment. "I know I jumped to conclusions earlier. I should've known that you wouldn't do anything like that. It's just, after reading the journal I was already on edge about things."

"Do you think Rose should read it?" I asked. "She's been doing better lately."

"I know you want to protect her, but it's up to her."

"You're right. Speaking of protecting her, she's not dropping the whole Ivashkov thing."

"Adrian?" he asked and I nodded. "He's staying at St. Vlad's. Procuring him would be fairly easy."

"I don't think we should go through with it."

"Because of the fact that he's your cousin?"

"Honestly, that too. I've never met him, but I've heard enough-"

He waved his hand. "Rose needs it."

"She doesn't need him. What she needs is to be free of the compulsion."

"Maybe those two go hand in hand."

I rubbed my chin roughly, feeling the frustration. If Spiridon thought that we needed to bring Adrian into this, I already knew I had lost the battle. "And how do you think we're going to be able to introduce a Royal Moroi to Rose? Not only is she terrified of strangers, especially men, not to mention Morois. But what about the risks we would be taking?"

"I agree that we would need to be careful. But like I said, he's at St. Vlad's right now. Let's just roofie him or something. From what I've heard he gets shitfaced every night anyway."

"Are you suggesting that we drug and kidnap a Royal Moroi?"

He flashed me a big grin and winked. "You said it, not me." Rose was walking towards us so he moved towards her. "Ready to leave?" he asked her.

"Yeah, I was just looking anyway."

We walked through the mall on our way back to the car. She slowed down as we passed a store with black and white stripes that sold make-up and other stuff. She looked over at us with such hope in her eyes.

I scanned the store and couldn't see anything that posed a risk. "Go ahead," I said and she smiled widely before she quickly scurried away.

"Make-up, really? She doesn't need any of that," Spiridon murmured next to me.

"Let her have this moment."

We watched her move through the store. She observed a group of girls who were trying some of the products on the back of their hands and she started doing the same, swatching some of the products. I observed her, thinking this was a moment in her life she was owed. I was happy she got a moment to herself, to be a teenage girl. After fifteen minutes Spiridon started getting restless.

"I'll go get her," I said and walked into the store. She was trying out some perfumes. "You don't need that," I said gently. "Are you ready?"

She ignored me. "What do you think?" she said and held out her arm. I bent over and took a deep breath. The perfume was sweet, far too sweet, and it covered up something that smelled way better. "I think this makes me smell like diabetes," she said when she noticed my expression. I chuckled at her remark.

"Spiridon is getting hangry," I said.

"Correction, he already is hangry," he said as he walked over to us. The group of girls who had been trying out different products looked at the both of us and started whispering to each other. Spiridon looked them over but decided to ignore them, probably because they were too young for his taste.

"You don't need any of that," he said to Rose. She held out her arm for him, and he took a sniff and recoiled. "Ugh."

"Let me try another one, then we can leave," she said.

"There's no point," he answered and tried to usher her out.

"What do you mean there's no point?" She grabbed one bottle of perfume that looked like a bow and spritzed some of it on a strip of paper. She shook it and took a deep breath. "This one's nice."

She offered it to me. I didn't need to smell it, I already knew that there wasn't any point, there was not a single perfume in this world that could rival Rose's natural scent. "Spiridon's right, though," I said reluctantly.

"He's never right."

"Hey, watch it," he said and playfully slapped Rose's upper arm.

"He's right, you don't need any of that. You smell better than any of these bottles," I said.

She stilled and turned towards me. "You think I smell good?"

"I won't repeat myself," I said gruffly and walked out of the store. I ignored the way the tips of my ears felt heated.

Once we were outside the mall carrying bags of takeaway food, Spiridon decided to break the slightly awkward silence, only making it even more awkward.

"I gotta say, your scent during your sickness was like a drug. You're never going to find a perfume better than that."

"That's like one week every third month. I want to smell pretty the rest of the time too," Rose said quietly. She had no idea how alluring her scent was even when she wasn't sick. "Oh, shit," she whispered and stopped walking.

I was immediately on alert and scouted the area for anything that was a cause for that reaction. Spiridon mirrored me and we moved into position so that I was closer to Rose with him a bit further away.

Spiridon's hand was on his hip, no doubt ready to draw out his weapon. Rose snapped out of her trance and took notice of our stances.

"Is everything alright?" I murmured quietly, still observing the area. Nothing was out of the ordinary.

"Nothing like that, I'm sorry, I didn't realize how you guys would react."

"What's wrong then? You look pretty shaken up."

"Meredith," she whispered. Spiridon moved closer to us now that it was apparent that there was no imminent threat. "Her sickness is soon."

"How soon?" Spiridon demanded. We needed to warn Arthur so that he could secure her and prevent anything from happening. We didn't want to repeat what happened at the Ardeal Institution to that girl.

"I didn't think about it, I should've said something sooner, I just didn't realize."

"How soon?" he prompted.

"I think her last sickness was around Valentine's day. So a week, maybe two."

"I'll inform Arthur," Spiridon said and walked away from us with brisk steps. He was already pulling out his phone. I turned towards Rose.

"It's going to be alright. They're going to make sure she's safe, thanks to you they'll be prepared in case Meredith hadn't told them or realized." I placed my hand on her and guided her towards the car. She nodded absentmindedly and followed my lead.

"I don't want them to hurt her," she said. "She won't be able to protect herself, she won't even want to protect herself but she has to."

My hand was rubbing small circles on her upper back. I opened the car door for her and ushered her inside. Spiridon joined us. "Arthur's briefed, they'll take care of it." With a curt nod we both got into the car, driving back to the house.

The silence was heavy and I knew all of us were thinking about Rose's next sickness and how we would handle it.