Chapter 50 - The Theory

Present day - May

Dimitri POV

I leaned over to grab my phone from the nightstand, and squinted in the darkness when the screen lit up.

It was five thirty in the morning, almost an entire night of sleep evading me despite the fact that Rose was safe and sound next to me. Her deep and steady breathing wasn't enough to lull me to sleep, not after what I had done.

I kept repeating the word thief over and over in my mind. I had stolen her first kiss and enjoyed every second of it.

"Maybe I don't want the honorable Dimitri."

Those words, those tempting and inviting words. I wasn't honorable. Maybe at one point I had considered myself worthy and a man of honor, but not anymore.

"Why do we have to put the weight of the world into everything? Why can't we just live in the now? Why can't a kiss be a kiss?"

I should've been honest with her instead of allowing it to happen. I should've told her that I could never kiss her without feeling the maelstrom of emotions that were consuming me every day, little by little carving my resolve.

"A kiss on the cheek? Is that what you want?"

Even before those words had passed my lips, I knew what she had wanted. I didn't really need her to answer that question to know that she wouldn't have settled for a kiss on the cheek. I had seen and felt her longing, her timid approach as she had leaned in for the kiss when we were taking a swim. Her desire and purpose had been clear, and I had been lost when she turned away at the very last second to plant her lips on my cheek instead.

"On the cheek, or somewhere else. Just once."

I had seen the way her eyes dropped down to my lips, seeing her purse her own in anticipation if not frustration. It hadn't been the first time I had seen her do that, and I knew she must've seen me gaze at her hungrily.

Like a purposeful predator, some sort of masochistic villain, I had allowed myself to ignore her obvious lie. Just once would never be enough. Not for me, not for her. I could only hope that she would stop pursuing things she wasn't ready for. I could only hope that if I granted her that one concession, she'd settle for it.

No matter how much it pained me to only do it once.

I kept hearing the thuds of the pillows, the same pillows that were still scattered on the floor around us as we had dismantled the border, feeling the twist of guilt knowing that I had removed the first one.

I had meant every word said to Rose. I was afraid of her because for some inexplicable reason I couldn't hold on to my control when it came to her. I wanted to grant her every wish and whim, my utmost duty to keep that beautiful smile on her face.

I thought about my fingertips grazing her skin, her soft and smooth skin that was warm under my touch. I couldn't bear to accept how much the thought of touching her had consumed my mind lately.

I had wanted to make it good for her knowing it was her first kiss. No matter how bad I should've felt about kissing her, at that moment all I had been able to think about was the burning need for her, tinged with awe.

Awe for getting the chance to feel those lips against mine, to get a piece of her that nobody else had experienced. Male pride was a funny thing, roaring its sometimes ugly head at inappropriate times. And I had felt pride for being the one she chose.

Her dark locks framing her face, her cheeks tinged with a gorgeous blush.

I closed my eyes and tried to settle my breathing as I thought about how I had cupped her cheek, brushing away her hair before moving my hand to the back of her head. I loved her hair and had wanted to bury my fingers there for so long I hadn't been able to suppress the pleased sound escaping from the back of my throat. Her breath had hitched when I had started to lean in, a sound that had made a rush of blood race to my groin.

The feel of my cock twitch had been a reminder to take it slow and make sure she was on the same page. Her expression had been almost comical, the frustration palpable as I had paused to recede.

"Just once, Roza."

With a small nod that had tempted my fingers to tighten their hold of her hair, I had finally closed the last distance between us to capture her lips.

It had felt electrifying and thrilling, all while warmth and adoration flowed between us. Her lips were full and tempting, forcing me to swallow the need for more as I felt and tasted her for the first time. With care and gentleness I showed her what it could be like between us, even though it was just this once.

The memory of her lips against mine, the feel of my fingers wrapped in her silky strands, got me going in a way that felt wrong with her sleeping next to me. There weren't any pillows between us to protect her from my dishonorable reaction. I reached under the covers to palm my groin, trying to push my erection down in vain and ended up shifting myself enough to not feel the constricting pain of my clothing. I had to actively will my body to settle but kept failing as I thought about the way she had sighed into me as I had brushed my tongue against her lower lip.

I eventually managed to calm myself down thinking about the pure joy I had felt when I had ended the kiss, only to be hit by the realization that I couldn't feel it again.

Just once. How utterly depressing.

Despite my lack of control I knew I needed to up my game and gain back what I had lost. Galina had taken pride in what she had managed to teach me and it felt like all of that had gone to waste.

"You should be sleeping," Rose mumbled all of a sudden. I had been so deep in my thoughts I hadn't noticed when her breathing had shifted so I stilled.

She shuffled closer to me, reaching out with a hand that landed on my arm. I didn't want to shrug away from her knowing I would hurt her feelings, but I needed to distance myself. I gently pushed her hand away.

"I knew it," she muttered. I heard her move around again and this time an ice-cold foot pressed against my bare shin. It surprised me that her toes were freezing despite her lying under the covers. "Don't you dare pull away," she whispered. "I'm using you as my personal heater until my toes are warm."

"You shouldn't," I murmured back. It was refreshing to feel her cold toes against me as I was overly warm myself.

"Tell that to my toes."

After a few minutes she started breathing heavily again and it was clear that she was asleep.

It was still early in the day, early enough for the Moroi and Rose to be asleep. Adrian had passed out a couple of hours ago after drinking an entire night much to Spiridon's disdain. Spiridon was tired but still respectably alert for our debriefing.

Yuri paced the guardian quarters as he was telling about his latest phone call with Arthur.

Unfortunately, I had a sense of how Arthur must've felt learning that his niece had been raped by Moore and then sold to an unknown buyer. I couldn't understand fully, but I had lived for so many days thinking Rose had been raped that I could only swallow hard thinking about Arthur and his family. Not to mention that poor girl.

Especially since we had no leads on where his niece was today and if she was still alive.

"So this sickness," Yuri said before he trailed off. "Arthur said it has to do with what happened with Vinny and Emil when they raped that girl."

"It's the common factor behind the disappearances, at least for the girls," I said reluctantly. I knew that the rest of the team had been warned about the early signs of the sickness, but a big part of me thought that it was best to keep that information contained. However, Yuri and Celeste already knew our location, so I surmised that it didn't help to avoid the topic.

"What about the girl in your custody then?" he asked. I was momentarily struck by how formal he was when speaking about Rose but realized he had never really talked to her or been in her company for long. She was still uncomfortable around him.

"We'll deal with it when the time comes," Spiridon said curtly. I glanced at him and found that he was tense, probably thinking about Rose's last sickness.

We still had some time, but the clock was ticking. I still felt some hope since we had managed her last sickness without harming her. This time we knew what to expect, we could prepare, and this house was definitely better than being on the run and relying on breaking into a cabin.

"So, what now?" Celeste asked. She was eyeing us with suspicion. Spiridon and I agreed that the best course of action was to keep most of the information contained for now, but it was clear that Celeste had figured out we were keeping things from them. We hadn't confirmed yet that Ivashkov and Vasilisa had managed to break down Rose's compulsion, although with Rose going through the list of missing dhampirs Yuri might've put two and two together.

"I assume the princess needs to return to the Academy?" I answered, keeping my expression clear.

"She's due to be back tomorrow. We'll take Christian with us," she replied. I opened my mouth to object, but she cut in. "We'll make sure he doesn't see the drive, at least not the crucial parts of it."

I nodded and from the corner of my eye I could see Spiridon do the same.

"And he understands that he needs to keep quiet about this visit?" Spiridon asked in a low voice.

"I'll talk to him before they leave," I said.

"And Adrian?"

"We'll ask him if he wants to go back to the Academy, otherwise we'll drop him off somewhere else. With him, it's even more important that he doesn't find out our location."

"I still have some roofies left," Spiridon said with an awkward chuckle. It was a lame attempt at a joke and Celeste glared at him.

"Arthur's hands are tied at the moment with Court keeping a close eye on him. Are you going to follow up on some leads?" Yuri asked. I eyed him over and felt quite sure that he hadn't figured out that Rose regained her memories. Although, to his defense, we hadn't exactly been forthcoming about Rose.

"We're still committed to the cause, although we're not sure how to go forward. Rose is also in mid-recovery so we'll do what we can," Spiridon offered vaguely. I felt a twist in my stomach when he said that she was still recovering. My lips felt numb.

"What leads do you have then?" he pushed.

I racked my brains trying to come up with something that said enough, but not too much.

"We have reason to believe that the Lakeside Institution is connected to the Ozeras. We're not sure, only speculating at this point," I said without any trace of the lie in my tone. "There was no lake in the area, and the word Ozera means lakes."

"That's a bit of a stretch, isn't it?" Yuri replied with disbelief. "The word also means treasury."

"It's a lead worth looking into," Spiridon said and shrugged his shoulders. Celeste narrowed her eyes at the gesture, not completely convinced. I decided to offer a bit more information to settle her.

"The Blackbird Institution might be related to the Drozdovs, seeing as the name Drozdov means blackbird. Although, as we previously speculated, that's the national bird for Sweden, and seeing that the Institution was located in Sweden it could be a coincidence."

"And the Ardeal Institution then?" she prompted.

"The Szelskys originate from the Ardeal region."

"I don't know, it seems a bit far-fetched," Yuri said, exactly as I had hoped. "I feel like we're missing something."

"We need to start somewhere."

"I need to check on Lissa, she should be awake by now," Celeste said. I looked at my phone and realized Rose would be awake too, if she hadn't already.

As we entered the kitchen we noticed that Vasilisa and Rose were eating breakfast together, chatting away. It was mostly Vasilisa who talked about mundane things, nail polish, clothes, make-up. I suppressed a smile, this was exactly the sort of thing Rose needed. A glimpse into the mind of another girl her age.

After pouring myself a cup of coffee and a final glance at Rose who looked content, if not a bit cautious, by the people around her, I headed downstairs. I ignored the way my heart beated faster by the mere sight of Rose.

Christian had barely left Vasilisa's bedroom so I hoped that I would find him there. When I got to the hallway with the downstairs bedroom Spiridon emerged from the bathroom, slipping into his room without a word. He'd been awake the entire night and deserved a couple of hours of rest.

It didn't take much to convince Christian to take a walk with me outside, and I wondered if it was because he feared me.

"How's Tasha?" I asked, reminding him that I did in fact know his closest family.

He squinted a bit as the sun was out, opting to seek out some shade. I headed towards the trail that would leave us covered by the trees for most part.

"She's fine, same old I guess."

"Has she been visiting Vinny?"

"Look, I know you're friends and all so why don't you just ask her." I turned around and found him sulking. I stood a bit straighter, turned my feet towards him. He shuddered, but kept his chin high reminding me of Tasha. "Cut to the chase."

"Do you understand how important it is to keep Rose hidden?"

"I don't even know where we are so there's no reason for you to worry."

"You can't talk about this, about us being here. Not even to Tasha."

"I have no reason to talk about Rose to anyone since my girlfriend is here, it's not like I would tell anyone else. Let me remind you that Lissa's been keeping this a secret from me for a long time now so there's nothing I can say to her that would put Rose in danger since she already knows."

"You can't talk about this back at school to your friends."

"What friends?" he snapped. "Have you forgotten that Tasha and I were doomed to be social pariahs when my parents turned?"

I held up my hands. "I'm only trying to assure Rose's safety."

"I'd never hurt her," he muttered.

"While I don't necessarily doubt that, you might accidentally do something to put her at risk."

"I came here, and while it was a stupid move on my part, I was beaten up, my girlfriend was forced to heal me, I was then interrogated for what felt like hours. Trust me, this whole weekend getaway isn't something I'm going to be fond of reminiscing about anytime soon."

"Rose has been through so much, and she's still being hunted down. It took us a long time to find a place to stay, somewhere safe enough. She's finally getting some stability and help. Whenever you feel like blurting out something, I want you to think about that. Her life is at stake."

He thought about my words and swallowed. I continued, trying to press further how imperative it was to protect Rose. "She's the same age as you but has been denied all the things you take for granted. This is her chance for freedom and she relies on our protection."

His eyes softened and he nodded sharply. "What happened to her? Lissa said I should give her space but she's so scared of me. Why is she so skittish?"

"I think it's good to give her some space until she feels ready to interact. As for the other part I'm only going to say that she has a reason to be on her guard."

I hoped that my tone put an end to his questions as I didn't like where the conversation was headed. Rose's private matters were hers, just because I had been trusted enough to have an insight in those didn't mean it was public information.

"How come you never teach me anything fun?" Rose asked through gritted teeth. She was in the plank position, forearms on the ground with a rigid, straight body and toes touching the floor. I glanced at my watch and noticed she was at the one minute mark.

"Focus."

I could tell it was starting to get difficult. A moment later she slumped to the ground and I checked the time. I was pleased to see that she had doubled the time she was able to stay in the position since I had started training her.

She grabbed her water bottle and sat up to take a sip. "Although, I suppose you did teach me something fun yesterday."

I ignored her cheeky little remark, thankful that the gym was deserted. I looked at her and hoped my eyes conveyed the clear message.

Just once.

"What do you want me to teach you?" I asked her and started cleaning up the equipment we had used. Rose was making fast and steady progress with her training.

When she didn't reply I turned to her and noticed that her cheeks were blushed, more so than a moment ago, and she was biting her lip.

She looked away and seemed to force herself to release that lip from her punishing treatment.

I couldn't believe I had actually been lucky enough to kiss those lips. I wanted to soothe the bite.

Just once.

It was becoming a repeated mantra in my head, a way to reinforce some control.

"I want to learn how to punch things," she said suddenly.

It was so surprising that I chuckled. "We'll move to combat once you gain some basic endurance and strength."

"And when would that be?"

"When you're ready."

"And when would that be?" she parroted.

"When I deem you ready."

She narrowed her eyes into a glare. "You sure like to hold on to that," she muttered after a while. I knew what she meant, she was frustrated that I was holding back for her safety but it was needed. I couldn't risk crossing any lines that would be harmful for her, kissing her once had been far enough. And when it came to her training, I wanted to do things the right way and it meant building a strong foundation first.

"Are you going to tell Spiridon?" she asked.

"Do you want me to tell him?"

"I don't know, he didn't really react well to us sleeping in the same bed, I don't think he'll like us sharing kisses."

"A kiss," I corrected. "And no, he's not going to be too happy with me. I'm not going to advertise to him what I did, but I'm not asking you to keep it a secret either."

"What we did," she corrected me. "He'll probably notice. I feel like he always notices everything."

I shrugged my shoulders. While I knew it would end up in an argument with Spiridon, I didn't want to defile her first kiss by forcing her to secrecy and by pushing it aside. It had happened, there was nothing we could do to change that. I wasn't scared of Spiridon, he'd say the exact things that I was already repeating in my head. My inner dialogue hadn't been kind.

"Rose, it was your first kiss. If you want to tell Spiridon, it's fine. If you want to tell Vasilisa, go ahead. I'll deal with whatever comes my way, deservingly so."

"I'm not saying I want to tell anyone! I just thought that you wouldn't want anyone to know."

She looked at her feet and I forced myself to not lift her chin up.

"Why did you think that?" I asked.

"I don't know, it's not like it was your idea or anything so I thought you'd maybe want to keep it between us."

I studied her face carefully in an attempt to gauge her feelings. It was hard since I couldn't look into her eyes that usually gave away the most. It took me a moment before I recognized her demeanor.

"Do you think I'm ashamed of what happened, that I'm somehow ashamed of you?"

The emerging wetness in her eyes told me that I was onto something. I closed the distance between us and this time I didn't hesitate to touch her. My hands landed on her neck with my thumbs under her chin, tilting her face up towards me.

It pained me to already see the hurt in her tearful eyes.

"I'm not ashamed of you."

"But-"

"I could never be ashamed of you, Rose. Don't ever think that. Any conflicting feelings about last night are related to myself, not you."

How could I tell her what I really thought about last night without crossing any lines? I couldn't describe to her how enticing she had been, how gorgeous I thought she had been and still was. How enthralling her lips had been. How much I still wanted more, how much I wanted her for myself.

I heard footsteps approaching us. I released Rose quickly and stepped back.

"But-" she started again but Spiridon burst through the door to the gym.

"You've been here forever, I'm getting hungry," he complained and rubbed his stomach for good measure. I wasn't sure if the complaint was meant for me or Rose since we normally shared the responsibility of making dinner, sometimes taking turns if one of us didn't feel like cooking. I knew that he enjoyed my cooking but seemed to prefer Rose's.

She was adept in the kitchen, having several years of experience helping out at the Institution. In the beginning I had tried to fight against her cooking for us, especially if it was only me, but it seemed that she found some comfort in the familiarity of preparing food.

"Eat a sandwich," Rose suggested.

"Why don't you make-" Spiridon started but I interrupted him with a glare. "It's dinner time already. I was thinking we could do a barbeque or something, fire up the grill," he continued.

I mentally went through all the items I had bought and realized it wasn't such a bad idea.

An hour later I was standing on the upstairs deck, waiting for the meat to cook. I took a long swig of my beer, enjoying the cold bitterness in my mouth. I tried my best to ignore the fact that Rose was taking a walk around the lake with the three Moroi.

It wasn't like she was alone with them, but I didn't like the fact that Ivashkov was there. I could tolerate Christian, but my cousin was bad news. I consoled myself that Spiridon was almost as protective of Rose as I was, and that he was currently shadowing them along with Celeste.

Despite their shared history, when it came to business they never showed any animosity. They were acting as any other professional.

I opened the lid and checked the meat.

I was a hypocrite to be bothered by Rose spending time with them. She was doing exactly what I had asked of her. She wouldn't have many opportunities to form friendships at the time, so any bonding time with Vasilisa was a good thing. Even though it meant that she spent time with two male Moroi. A part of me was also hoping to break down the pedestal she had put Moroi on. She needed to learn that they weren't above her, especially when it came to men.

I could hear their voices getting closer and sighed an inconspicuous breath of relief. Yuri was inside and might be able to see me through a window, and I didn't want him to see how affected I was. I was good at playing the indifferent guardian.

I kept my distance throughout the dinner, keeping an eye and an ear on Rose's interaction with the Moroi. She did however steer away from Ivashkov and Christian and mostly talked to Vasilisa.

Adrian opened a second bottle of wine, which made Vasilisa frown. I didn't see anyone else really drink, the princess and Christian still on their first glasses. I was pleased to see that Rose opted for a coke, making it easier for her to keep her guard up against the Moroi.

I failed to bite down a smile when I heard the girls talking about the book we had given Rose for her birthday, the one my sister liked so much. When I looked up from my plate I found Spiridon's steely eyes on me, and remembered Rose's words from earlier.

"He'll probably notice. I feel like he always notices everything."

After dinner I went to Rose's bedroom to catch up on some sleep. I hadn't slept anything the night before and it was weighing me down. Spiridon promised to keep an eye on Rose, and I figured it would do good for her to not be around me all the time, good practice since I knew I gave her safety.

I closed the door behind me and leaned against it, rubbing my face with one hand. I drew a shuddering breath and let my walls down, just for a moment now that I could finally gain a moment of privacy.

I didn't bother to turn on the lights. The curtains weren't drawn and the moon was letting in enough light for me to see.

Being around Rose was harder than anticipated. The fight was so much more draining now that I knew what I was fighting against. It took so much energy not to succumb to the impulse of feeling her soft lips every time she smiled.

That smile.

I loved seeing her smile, chasing moments of her happiness whenever I could.

With a final sigh I bent down and removed my shoes, enjoying the cool air hitting my feet as I stepped out of them after a long day. I showered quickly and changed into more comfortable clothing, eventually lying down in bed. I didn't like that her bed was empty but managed to ignore that fact until I fell asleep.

I woke up when the bedroom door opened and groggily watched Rose come in.

"Sorry," she whispered.

"It's fine," I said with a voice rough from sleep. I cleared my throat. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, I'm tired and figured I'd call it a night."

I watched her as she moved to the curtains, closing them. I sat up in bed and turned on the lamp on the bedside table, and she gave me an appreciative smile. I didn't want her to stumble around in the darkness.

"Was it a good night?"

"I think so, the others played the real estate game and it was fun to watch them."

I frowned. "You didn't want to play?"

"No, I didn't feel like it."

"Are you sure everything is okay?"

"I'm fine, I'm just a bit sad about Spiridon."

I was suddenly wide awake, ready to start a war. "What did he do to you?"

He was always joking but he had a knack of taking it too far, pestering and bullying those he knew he could get to. Had he taunted her because of our kiss?

She threw her hands up. "Nothing like that." I watched her grab a fresh set of pajamas and disappear into the bathroom.

When she came back into the room I couldn't help but notice that it was one I hadn't seen before, with pajama shorts instead of long legged pants. I couldn't help but admire her tanned legs. The thin material of the tank top concealed about as much as the swimsuit I had seen her in, but luckily her hair was draped over her chest.

She looked divine.

I resisted the urge to clear my throat again and settled on staring at anything else than Rose. "So what did he do then?"

"He said he's sort of like me," she said as she climbed into bed.

I stalled for a moment and tried to think of what she meant with that. When I didn't say anything she explained. "Orphan, growing up at an Academy."

"I suppose he is in some way, only he wasn't taken."

She must've heard the harder edge creep into my tone because she started defending him. "It's not like that, he never said he went through anything similar to me. He just pointed out that we both were left at the doorstep of an Academy, that's all. Until I was taken we grew up the same."

Her words were absolutely true.

Like Rose, Spiridon had no knowledge of who his parents were, which was an unreasonably common thing for dhampirs. I had always dismissed the fact that so many of my peers were wards of the Academy, thinking it was natural considering the danger of being a guardian and the fact that dhampirs didn't really have parental leave. But I had never given much thought to why there were so many who had no idea of their parentage. When I attended St. Basil's, there seemed to have been an influx of orphans, especially those like Rose and Spiridon.

I stood up abruptly. "Do you know where he is?"

"He went to bed a couple of hours ago," she said and looked worried. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I just need to talk to him. Stay here and try to catch some sleep." I forced my voice to be gentle but on the inside I felt all pumped up.

"Are you coming back?"

I was at the door and turned back to see her sitting in the bed looking like a dream come true.

"Don't wait up," I said and gave her a reassuring smile before slipping out of her room.

With determined steps I walked over to Spiridon's room and opened the door. His room was almost pitch black but I still saw him jerk awake by the sound of the door opening.

"What the fuck?" he breathed and immediately stood up grabbing his stake from the holster that was on the floor. I was somewhat impressed that he found it so quickly considering the floor was a mess. To my dismay he slept naked, and even more exasperating was the fact that I knew it was what he preferred.

"Not Strigoi."

"Then really, what the fuck Dimitri?" he growled, bending down again and grabbing a pair of boxers. He quickly put them on and sat on the bed, rubbing his face with his hand.

"Were you really ready to fight Strigoi naked?" I smirked, trying to ease his mood. It worked.

"My bare ass might give them ideas so naturally my first priority would be to fight them off."

"Can't imagine Rose and Vasilisa really appreciating it, might want to consider sleeping with at least some clothes on."

"I already caught Rose ogling me, I almost had to wipe drool off her chin. I'm sure Lissa wouldn't mind either. Give them a little show, you know I undress in my sleep."

My protectiveness of Rose immediately flared up. He held up his hands when he noticed my expression darken. But as easy as it would've been to just blame my plummeting mood on protectiveness, it wasn't the whole truth. A small part of me was jealous. Jealous that she had ogled Spiridon, although knowing him he was probably exaggerating. It had been years since he'd actually gotten under my skin, but now it seemed as if Rose had managed to tear down yet another wall I had spent years holding up. I just hoped Spiridon didn't realize it.

"Really, what the fuck are you doing in my room? I know you're not here to reproach me for preferring to sleep au natural."

"Did you really leave Rose alone and went to sleep?"

"Don't be ridiculous, Celeste took over. Now cut the crap, Belikov."

I didn't bother explaining to him since I knew I needed to explain it all over again to Yuri.

Not even ten minutes later Yuri, Spiridon and I were holed up in the study, furthest away from everyone.

"So when exactly did the children start to disappear? During the seventies?" I asked Yuri.

"Late seventies according to our sources," Spiridon grumbled behind me. "We've been over this."

I ignored him and kept my focus on Yuri. "Do you still have records of the Academies?"

"What exactly are you looking for?" he asked and started typing on his computer.

"I want to know how many students were wards of the Academies. In other words, no legal guardians or known parents, whatever information is available."

Yuri continued to work on his computer and I felt Spiridon's eyes on me. I turned and met his impassive gaze. I knew he was trying to figure out why I needed the information so urgently, and saw the slightest flash of emotion when he made the connection.

Minutes turned to hours, and we let Yuri continue to gather the data from different sources, working it in our favor. Sometimes he would ask a clarifying question, just to be sure we were on the same page, for example whether he should include Moroi or not. I asked him to exclude them in favor of only focusing on dhampirs. The sun was starting to rise and I made my way to the kitchen to make another pot of coffee. I heard Spiridon behind me when I was waiting for the coffee to finish.

"You could've just let me sleep," he muttered and didn't bother to wait for the coffee to finish dropping into the pot. The smell of burnt coffee filled the kitchen as it dropped onto the hot surface.

"I didn't realize it would take so long."

I watched him more closely and realized it wasn't only the lack of sleep that bothered him. "You okay?"

"You're implying that there's a connection between dhampirs with unbeknownst parentage and the taken ones." He lifted his coffee mug to his lips and took a long drag. "That perhaps, dhampirs like Rose and I are children of taken ones and-"

"Just because I'm implying it, doesn't mean it's true," I interrupted him. "Let's see what Yuri comes up with."

We walked back to the study, and when we entered we immediately noticed the shift in Yuri. He swallowed hard and turned the screen towards us.

Before Spiridon could impatiently ask what it was he was supposed to see, Yuri started explaining. "I compiled the records from the different Academies all over the world. Some records are missing, and not all years are accounted for. There might be some errors-"

"Dude, really, just say it," Spiridon snapped. I ignored them and continued to stare at the synchronized pattern of the chart on the computer screen.

"I compared the two sets of data, one being the number of missing dhampir children each year, presumably taken ones, against the number of dhampirs without any known parentage. With a slight delay, it seems that when the number of taken ones increases, so does the number of dhampir children left in the custody of the Academies."

Silence.

Yuri continued, trying to ward off the suffocating tension in the room. "It's not like these two go directly hand in hand, there's an exponential pattern. The children left at Academies increases more than the number of taken ones. And just because there's an implied correlation doesn't mean there's a casuality."

Spiridon started pacing the room. "How the fuck do you even know this stuff? What if you made a mistake or something?"

"My former mark studied statistics and computer science at Lehigh, I paid attention in class," Yuri said simply, not even bothering to be offended by Spiridon. "What's your theory?" Yuri asked me.

"There used to be an extreme shortage of guardians after the first world war. It was so bad that there was actually talk about an age vote and conscription, a debate going on for decades," I started, still trying to find words for my theory.

"That was never proven," Yuri interjected. Spiridon looked like he wanted to slap Yuri for his naivety.

"After decades of tension, fear and empty dorms at the Academies, all of the sudden they started to get filled again with novices. The talk about the age vote, about pushing adolescents into the field before they were ready slowly died out, along with the talk of conscripting dhampirs. The whole problem with not enough guardians miraculously solved by itself. This all happened some years after dhampirs started disappearing, but I think this whole thing started way earlier than we thought. We know that the vast majority of taken ones are girls, and that the common factor is the sickness. We already know how easy it would be to take advantage of these girls during their sickness, and even outside of that. The Moroi have the upper hand with controlling the girls, the bite and compulsion more than enough, not to mention the resources." I paused for a while, my thumb rubbing into my palm to center me. "We've been trying to understand the motive behind kidnapping these children. Our initial speculations mostly centered around sexual exploitation, but what if that's only part of it? The sickness is like a heat, and perhaps it is just that. Perhaps the sickness is part of the girls' reproductive cycle, when they are most fertile. Maybe they even bear pregnancies easier than the average woman."

I paused again and really had to push the words out.

"What if these girls are used as breeding stock for the Moroi? What if they are taken so early, so young, to groom them into that kind of life? What if the sudden influx of novices are the result of systematic rape and forced pregnancies? Based on the pattern I'd say each taken girl was having more than one child."

The room was so silent you could hear a pin drop. I noticed Spiridon had stopped breathing for a long moment until he let out a shaky breath.

"You're telling me, I was bred by Moroi to be a guardian, to serve them with the likely expense of my life? All while I was conditioned to be grateful for the honor?"

I ran a hand through my hair. "It's just a theory."

"The numbers imply that there's a connection. It's plausible," Yuri said quietly.

"This is so fucked up. If this is true, my mother is some poor girl who was kidnapped, raped and forced to conceive and carry me to term only for me to be taken away from her and shipped to an Academy to become a guardian. Oh, and not to mention I could have siblings somewhere out there."

I briefly thought about Rose and if she could be his sister, but dismissed it quickly. They didn't share any common features, but it was a scary thought nevertheless. Having family without knowing, I couldn't imagine a life without knowing my sisters.

"I'm starting to think more and more that it's not just the girls that are sick. Our entire society, the power imbalance, racism. Everything is wrong, it's sick. We're treated like cattle, dispensable faceless soldiers," I said quietly, trying to gather my scrambled thoughts.

"Careful," Yuri said. He looked uncomfortable with me voicing harsh opinions. It was almost unheard of, treason if you may. I ignored him, I was too riled up.

"All the embedded norms and beliefs, values and structure, it's sick. It's an institutionalized sickness."

Ugh! So much going on in our personal lives, kinda feel it came out a bit forced. Anywho thanks again for your support and hope you take care! Not sure when we start publishing again, maybe after summer?