There's often that blissful moment when you wake up when you haven't quite emerged from your dreams and don't remember what mortifying things you said yesterday. Then it hits you. You told Kim you loved him. You actually fell to your knees in the street while he was trying to leave, and told him you loved him. A pain radiates across your chest.

The image of Kim looking back at you, eyes wide, mouth slightly open is burned into your brain.

You have a slight headache. You hope you don't smell of booze, just in case you were wrong and Kim actually wasn't going to react badly. When you get into the precinct, he is already there. When he sees you he gets up from his desk. Does he always hurry over to you with a barely concealed smile on his face? A smile that says I'm so glad you're here Harry. Or does it say what bullshit will you drag us into today Harry?

You consider asking Kim to talk alone straight away. But there's people around who might overhear. And besides, Kim is already straight to business and is telling you his thoughts on the new case you picked up yesterday. You're constantly looking for any differences in his behaviour towards you. Is he smiling at you more or less than usual? Does he normally stand so far away from you? Your assessment is inconclusive. Kim has a lifetime of practice of hiding his reactions.

You consider bringing it up in the motor carriage, but your nerves fails you. You're distracted and twitchy all day, you can't focus on the details of the cases you try to work. Kim doesn't comment on it. Maybe he understands why.

As time ticks by, you feel more and more nervous. Is this how it's going to be between you from now on, just pretending nothing happened? No, you won't be able to keep your mouth shut indefinitely. Sooner or later, you'll blurt out something even more stupid.

"Can we stop off at your place before I head home?" Kim asks at the end of the day.

"Did you forget something?"

"No," Kim says emphatically.

You swallow, and follow him out of the building, feeling light-headed.

You're dying to ask him what this is about on the drive back to your apartment. But you manage to hold it in. It's a long, silent journey.

The apartment door clicks shut behind the two of you.

"What a day," you say, pretending to be casual instead of on the verge of a panic attack. One of you will have to bring it up sooner or later. If Kim doesn't, you'll have to. Otherwise it might actually kill you.

Kim adjusts his glasses, then links his hands behind his back. "Uh, Harry, I wanted to ask you…" He trails off and you wonder if he is waiting for you to say something. He clears his throat. "Did you really mean what you said yesterday?"

You'd be hurt by his words if you couldn't feel insecurity radiating from him.

"You mean when I-" you croak out.

"Yes," he says, the tension showing in his creased brow.

The rising panic in you makes it hard to breathe, let alone speak. You nod.

"To be honest, that was not the response I expected when I suggested we could live together."

You laugh nervously. "I, erm." You laugh again. "Kim, I just thought it was important to tell you." His expression is inscrutable. "It's no big deal or anything." You wonder if you should dramatically add that you tell all your friends you love them. Only, you can't say that. You want Kim to know how special he is, even if he doesn't return your feelings.

Kim smiles. "I've never met anyone quite like you, Harry. We met under difficult circumstances, but I am grateful that we crossed paths. I cannot say how much I have enjoyed spending time with you these last few months. You make me laugh, and you help me recapture the carefree feeling of youth. Harry you're an exceptional officer and a great man."

You sense there is a but coming. "But?"

"But nothing!" Kim laughs nervously. "Harry I love you!" He hides his face behind a hand, as if he can't believe he just said that. His ears have gone red.

You take a shaky breath in. Your chest hurts, but there's a soft, pleasant feeling there too. It's obvious what has to happen next. You need to throw yourselves into each other's arms and kiss dramatically. But you still feel intensely breathless and your heart is beating so fast and hard you can see it pulsing in your vision. Kim also isn't throwing himself at you.

You shuffle forward towards him. Kim takes a step towards you. He looks up at you and runs his tongue over his lips. An involuntary shiver runs through you. You can smell his new aftershave, mingled with sweat and motor oil that clings to his clothes. You could just bury your head in his shoulder and breathe him in. Is that allowed now?

You loop your arms loosely around his waist. As he tentatively places his arms around you, you can feel him taking rapid shallow breaths. His dark eyes look into yours with a burning intensity.

Leaning in, you gently press your lips to his cheek. Kim lets out a sigh and you feel him flinch slightly in your arms. You stroke his back and plant another kiss on his cheek, closer to his mouth this time.

Kim tightens his grip on you, pulling you closer. The soft warmth of his body against yours is heavenly. You feel yourself getting choked up and tears prick at your eyes. His lips are on yours, and you let your eyes fall shut, savouring the sensation. You let him take the lead and try to kiss him back in the way he kisses you. The way he seems so cool and confident and in control makes you feel safe. It might be years since you kissed someone, you're not even sure. Not since her have you kissed someone sober. Not until now. Retreating into your mind, you forget who you're with and for a moment it's terrifying.

Kim, focus on Kim, you tell yourself. You clutch the back of his jacket, trying to hold onto him, trying to keep yourself from dissociating again. You don't want to think about bad things. You don't want think about anyone else. You just want to enjoy your first kiss with Kim. Tears threaten to spill from your eyes and you scrunch them up to try to keep them in. You're not afraid of crying in front of Kim, but you are afraid of ruining the moment.

A leather glove cups your cheek. "Harry?" Kim looks concerned.

"Sorry," you say, and sniff to keep your nose from running too.

"No no, I'm sorry. I got a little carried away."

You shake your head. "You did nothing wrong. It was nice. I just got overwhelmed." You wipe the tears from your eyes, and press your lips to Kim's. You feel him smile as he kisses you back.

You bury your head in his shoulder and hold him tightly, feeling his heart beat next to yours. Kim nestles his cheek against yours and strokes your hair. You don't know how long you hold each other like that, but neither of you want to let go.

When Kim finally draws away, your instinct is to hold onto him tighter and refuse to let him go. You fight it. Logically you know you can't keep him as a prisoner. Not if you want any sort of long term relationship with him.

"Y-you can stay tonight if you want to," you say, aware of the gravity those words now hold.

"I can't. I only have these clothes and my wallet."

"I should let you go home," you say reluctantly.

"Yes," Kim says, squeezing your arm as he lets you go. He gives you a sad smile as he meets your eyes. His dark brown eyes look somehow more beautiful than they ever have, it shouldn't be possible, you already found him insanely captivating.

You sigh and smile at him. "I'll see you at work tomorrow."

"See you tomorrow. Sleep well, detective," Kim says. He touches a hand to his lips and kisses it, then blows it towards you.

You catch it and clutch it to your chest, swooning. You feel like the luckiest man alive.

Kim bumps into the doorframe on his way out. You walk over to the couch in a daze and sit down, completely enamoured with Kim Kitsuragi. It's almost unbelievable that he returns your feelings. It's like some wonderful dream. Now you can do more than just imagine what your lives could be like together, you can make it a reality.