Hello, dear readers!:)
We have a little problem: I remember when I started this story I was counting on 12 chapters, which has now turned into 19, and I still really need a couple more for them to discuss everything and more;)
I hope I haven't bored you too much, and I'm not dragging out the ending too much. When you start writing, suddenly you get caught up in some detail and now you have a whole passage.
As always, thank you for every comment and every message, thank you for your interest in this story:)
Enjoy reading!:)
I own nothing in regard to GWTW.
Chapter 19.
That morning Ella woke up in a wonderful mood, after talking to her stepfather, her childish heart was soothed. She believed "her Uncle Rhett," he had said he would never leave again, he had given his word.
"Also," here a sleepy Ella squeezed her eyes shut and giggled with joy, "he said he loved my mummy."
"Good morning Ella," Scarlett said sleepily and sat up on the bed, "you seem to be in a good mood this morning."
Ella hugged her mother tightly and murmured, "Good morning Mummy, yes I am having fun."
She immediately jumped off the bed, grabbed her blanket and ran into the nursery to change.
Scarlett sighed. She, unlike her daughter, not only hadn't had a good night's sleep, but she woke up confused and with mixed feelings.
That kiss that ended the day yesterday had kept her awake all night. It wasn't until morning, when fatigue overpowered those strong emotions, that she forgot herself with a restless sleep.
She couldn't remember the last time they'd kissed, she was afraid to count the years. And then, in the middle of the night, in the bedroom where her little daughter was sleeping, across the ocean from her homeland. It seemed unreal to her, a dream.She was also afraid to think how far they would have gone if Ella hadn't slept in her room.
Closing her eyes for a second, she put a hand to her chest and took a deep breath to calm herself down a bit.
Opening her eyes, she saw further proof that everything was real. His jacket.
It was on her dressing table, he had probably put it without thinking when he carried Ella to bed.
She quickly jumped off the bed, ran over to the dressing table and hesitantly, but with interest, picked up his jacket.
As always, all of her ex-husband's clothes were impeccably made, from the finest fabrics, and usually fit him flawlessly.
"Okay," she thought, running her hand along the sleeve, "the jacket needs to be returned, preferably right away, before breakfast."
With these thoughts, she put the thing on the bed and went to tidy herself up.
Half an hour later, Scarlett was looking in the mirror at a beautiful young woman, with snow-white skin and a slight blush. Dressed in a simple light grey, long sleeved dress, she added a long dark green sleeveless cape on the laces. She brushed her hair and pinned the strands at the sides with combs, leaving some of her hair loose.
Scarlett gave herself another satisfied look in the mirror, then picked up his jacket from the bed, took a deep breath, and left her room.
The floor was quiet, Wade and Ella's childish voices could be heard from the parlour. The door to Colum's bedroom was open, and there was no one in the room either.
That left the far room, the door to which was closed.
"Maybe he's already come downstairs," Scarlett thought as she approached the white wooden door. "They're definitely downstairs," she thought, getting ready to knock.
"Be courage, Scarlett," she encouraged herself and knocked decisively.
The door swung open a couple of seconds later and a surprised but pleased man stood before her.
"Scarlett, Darling, good morning," Peter exclaimed and reached up to kiss her cheek.
"Good morning," she uttered, smiling weakly, "I..."
"Peter," came a voice that made her legs almost buckle with excitement, "you haven't seen my jacket, I think..." Rhett lifted his head from his shirt sleeve and saw her. His heart was racing, remembering how they'd said goodbye last night and how he'd barely fallen asleep on the uncomfortable couch, and how long it took him to wake up this morning. Like a schoolboy.
There was an awkward pause in the room. Rhett stared at her, intently, trying to steady his breathing.
Her breathing was starting to get traitorously erratic, too; she needed to say something, and it had to be urgent.
"Good morning, Rhett," she spoke in a quiet voice.
"Good morning, Scarlett," he replied, trying to puzzle out the expression in her eyes, to find signs that she was excited as well.
Peter looked at the two of them, mentally cursing himself for not going downstairs to the children earlier.
"Rhett," asked Peter, "were you looking for something?"
"Yes," Rhett replied, not taking his eyes off Scarlett, "I was looking for..."
"A jacket," she finished, smiling weakly. "Here it is, you accidentally left it in my room yesterday."
Rhett stepped closer to her and she held out the jacket to him.
Their hands touched for a moment as she handed him the jacket, and she felt a heat that seemed to make her cheeks blush.
"Thank you," he said hoarsely, and, trying to lighten the mood, he asked, "how did Ella sleep? Did she have any more nightmares?"
"No, she's fine, Rhett. Thank you for your concern," Scarlett said quickly and added, "I'll be downstairs, see you there"
And quickly, almost without looking at the two men watching her, she turned and walked down the corridor towards the stairs.
Everyone gathered for breakfast in the dining room around 9:00 a.m. Ella sat next to Rhett and caught every word he said. Scarlett realized that something very important had happened between him and Ella while she was away, that he had said something that made her little girl believe in him again.
Colum was calm, wishing her good morning, he smiled and his eyes shone with warmth. Peter was joking as always and telling the latest news from Charleston, mostly to the children, Wade was sitting next to him and couldn't tear himself away from him either, but reminded him of the "scary stories" he had been promised for the night. Peter smiled and nodded to Rhett.
Rhett didn't talk much, mostly to Ella. He drank his black coffee and was thoughtful. After the jacket scene, Scarlett expected him to keep his eyes on her and continue to persuade her into talking.
After breakfast, the children went upstairs to study, and Scarlett, meeting Ella's governess at the door, decided to go sit on the veranda. Honestly, she thought Rhett would find her there and they would talk.
But Rhett had his own plans and thoughts. He needed to talk, but to the man whose respect he wanted to deserve.
"Mr O'Hara," he addressed Colum, catching him leaving his upstairs room, "do you have some time to talk?"
Colum looked at Rhett calmly. After their hasty arrival yesterday, and then their conversation in the parlour, during which Colum's anger at the man had been replaced by a desire to understand him. He understood, and he had heard the story of his favourite cousin. He knew she loved her ex-husband. Now he knew of his love as well. Colum wanted to see if they could try to be together.
"Certainly, Mr Butler, let's go into the parlour," he said, and invited him to gesture for him to follow.
Rhett nodded and smiled slightly, then continued, "Thank you, and, Mr O'Hara, please, can we address each other less formally? I remember you called me by my first name a couple of times yesterday."
"Okay, Rhett, I don't mind," Colum replied calmly.
They went down to the parlour, closed the door, and sat down at the window in chairs opposite each other.
"So, Rhett," asked Colum questioningly, and added with a smile, "I suppose the 'subject' of our conversation is unchanged?"
"Colum, she said she loves me," Rhett said, and his eyes burned with emotion.
"I know Rhett," Colum replied calmly, grinning.
"I haven't talked to her about it yet, Colum, but I want to be with her, I want our family, our children. Wade and Ella, I want their love back," Rhett spoke.
"Rhett, love isn't returned, it's not asked for, it's just given. Are you ready to give her your love? To her and the children?"
"Sure, Colum, I'm willing to give them everything I have. To take care of them." said Rhett quietly and seriously.
"Rhett, don't get me wrong, but when I met my cousin for the first time I saw those green eyes with so much pain in them. When I started helping her and giving her support in different things, she was surprised. I got the impression that she was almost always used to acting alone and counting on herself. How did this happen, Rhett? After all, you were her husband, a strong and commanding man, why did she find herself alone so often?" Colum finished his speech and looked at Rhett seriously.
"She always did what she wanted and how she wanted, she didn't listen to anyone, Colum," Rhett exclaimed bitterly and emotionally.
"How old are you, Mr Butler?" asked Colum with a smile.
"What's that got to do with this conversation, Colum?" he muttered, and then continued, "We agreed to address each other more informally, didn't we?"
"Yes, Rhett, all right. So how old are you?"
"Forty-six, I'm old enough," he replied with a smirk.
"Your age is the age of a mature man, a good age," said Colum, and then added with a smile, "and do you know how old Scarlett is?"
"I think she'll always be 16, like the day we met her," Rhett replied, smiling.
"Rhett, she's 29 now," Colum said, and then added with a serious look, "and when you met her, she was 16 and you were 33. You've never thought about the fact that you're a decade and a half apart. Rhett,you're more experienced, more mature. You've seen more, you've lived longer. In your couple, you were expected to lead her, to help her grow up. After all, she married you when she was what, 21, 23?"
Rhett listened to the words of this calm, serious man who had become so close to his favourite woman in less than a year of knowing her, when he could not have dreamed of such trust between them.
"It was war and fear that made her grow up," Rhett said thoughtfully. "When we met her after the war ended, I was amazed at who she had become. Like a fox cornered by hunters. She was thin, embittered, cunning."
Colum looked at him sadly, but didn't interrupt him.
"But," Rhett continued, "I didn't want her to be like that, growing up like that. I wanted her to be happy and playful, like before the war. I wanted to spoil her like a child."
Colum looked questioningly at his companion, then said, "But why, Rhett? I mean, she's grown up, matured. There could be no turning back for her. Maybe you needed to be someone she could rely on to go forward? She saw you as a strength, you were her friend. You needed to walk beside her, forwards. Help her grow up safely. Not try to take her back to a world that no longer exists and spoil her like a child. She wasn't a child anymore. Do you understand what I'm saying, Rhett?" Colum finished his speech and looked questioningly at his interlocutor.
Rhett sat deep in thought, and Colum smiled.
"Rhett, I think we'll talk to you later," he said.
Rhett looked up at him surprised, but nodded. He had a lot to think about.
"I have to get to class, I'm lecturing on theology at a college nearby. What are your plans for the day, Rhett?"
"Peter and I wanted to take Scarlett and the children for a walk to the water, if that's okay with you," Rhett replied.
Colum smiled and said, "Have a nice walk and, Rhett, make sure my cousin takes her shawl. The winds are very cold here, and you know Scarlett," he finished with a smile and left the parlour.
Scarlett sat on the porch on the white bench and looked across the small lawn to the street, where people walked back and forth and carriages drove by. For a moment it seemed to her that she was in Atlanta, on the porch of Aunt Pittie's house...
A knock on the wood interrupted her memories and she looked round. Standing at the open door, Peter was looking at her and smiling.
"Scarlett, may I keep you company, Darling?" he asked in a quiet voice. They still hadn't spoken to her in the last twenty-four hours and now she looked like a fearful bird ready to fly away at the slightest wave of a hand.
"It just so happens that Rhett is in the parlour with Colum right now, they're talking about something, Ella has a lesson, and Wade needs to solve his examples since Colum has to hand his work in to his teacher this afternoon. I'm alone," he said smiling, to then added embarrassed, "so are you...".
Scarlett listened to his speech with a slight smile, though she frowned a little when she heard about Rhett's conversation with Colum.
"Sure, Peter, sit down..." and moved over a little.
He sat down beside her and, as he had then, a year ago in Charleston, asked her a question that had really touched her then.
"Scarlett, dear, how are you?"
She looked at him with affectionate gaze and said softly, "Well, Peter...In all the bustle of your arrival I didn't have time to tell you how glad I am to see you." She paused, but then with a slight frown she said, "though I'm angry with you, Peter."
Peter realized that she was talking about how "illegally" they had broken into her house.
He looked at her guiltily, then added with a guilty smile, "I'm sorry, Scarlett... It's just that I missed all of you, you and the children. And," here he added half-jokingly, "if it's any consolation, Rhett had bet me and was sleeping on an uncomfortable couch."
Scarlett hummed and chuckled, imagining Rhett tossing and turning from side to side all night.
She sighed and Peter continued, more seriously, "Scarlett, are you really that uncomfortable with our presence in your house? Let me ask you, did you talk to Rhett yesterday?"
Scarlett was caught off guard by Peter's question. If he'd asked her yesterday afternoon, she wouldn't have hesitated to say "yes", but now, after everything that had happened on the porch and in her room that evening, she wondered what was driving Rhett.
"Peter, why did you and Rhett come? I still haven't heard a coherent answer to that question," she asked him and looked him straight in the eye.
"Didn't you talk to Rhett last night, Scarlett?" he asked embarrassed.
"Talked, a little," Scarlett replied surprised.
"And?"
"And what, Peter? Please don't say that, I don't understand anything," she told him frustratedly.
"I mean, you did discuss something, didn't you, the night at your room, when he helped you calm Ella down?"
Scarlett remembered what they'd been doing in the room instead of talking and blushed.
"No, Peter, we talked to him on the porch yesterday. Just a little." Scarlett thought about it, there had been no conversation on the porch either, just a couple of fragmentary phrases, his warm hands and her confession.
Peter frowned and pondered, "So Rhett didn't say... Rhett, Rhett, what are you waiting for, why don't you just tell her you love her and then solve all the problems one by one. She has a right to know. But I don't have the right to say..."
"Peter, what's wrong with you?" Scarlett asked worriedly.
"I'm sorry, Scarlett, it's okay," he told her, then added firmly, "but as far as our coming, you need to talk to Rhett. Or rather he needs to talk to you. You both need to talk."
She nodded at him and he added, smiling affectionately, "You know, I've never been to Ireland!Do you mind if we went out together today? Me, you, the children and Rhett? Let's go to the ocean?" he spoke enthusiastically.
"Haven't you had enough ocean after travelling by ship?" she teased him.
He smiled at her and winked, then added quietly, "We're not in a fight, are we, Scarlett?"
"Silly Peter, how can I be angry with you for long?" she told him with a smile.
He kissed her affectionately on the cheek and went to tell the children. It was Rhett's idea for the walk, and he was happy to support it. Peter thought he'd try to play with Wade and Ella and maybe their stubborn parents would have time to talk.
They stood by the ocean and looked out at the vast blue expanse. The combination of the water and the green shores of this land had captivated Scarlett the day she had first seen her father's homeland.
She had fallen in love with Ireland, but realized that it was not her homeland. Her homeland was the red earth of Georgia, dry and hot south winds.
The winds in Ireland are gusty, strong, fresh. She smiled, remembering that when they were about to leave in the hallway, Rhett, standing behind her, had slipped the shawl over her shoulders in that gentle motion, his hands lingering on her shoulders a little longer than they should.
She sighed, feeling his presence behind her. Somehow Peter pulled the children with him towards the water, closer to the shore. "To look for crabs," he joked, and they raced with the children to the water.
Scarlett guessed that Peter was giving them a chance and time to talk, but was hesitant to initiate a conversation. She was waiting for her ex-husband to take the initiative.
Rhett stood behind her, hesitant to touch her, though his hand almost reached out to stroke her hair, which was ruffling in the fresh breeze.
"Thank you, Peter," he thought, "now would be a good time to talk..."
"Well," he began, "how do you like Ireland, Scarlett?"
She heard his quiet voice behind her and without turning round she replied,
"I like it, Rhett... I'm used to the places and scenery and people here," and with a smile she added, "I don't know if I'll get used to the weather..."
He was silent.
And she suddenly said quietly and frankly, "No one here knows me, Rhett. No one judges. I'm at ease here."
"What about your relatives and close people, Scarlett? The ones who love you," he asked quietly.
"My closest people are here with me, Rhett. They are my children," then she turned to him and looked at him intently with her bright green eyes. "Rhett,I put up with and turned a blind eye to all this hypocritical society in Atlanta, but, as long as it was just about me. As soon as it affected my children, I decided to take action. I'm not going to let them go through what I went through," she looked at him determinedly.
"I understand, Scarlett," he said quietly, and she turned away again.
"I know about what happened in Atlanta, Scarlett," he said, and he saw her shoulders tense.
"I know everything," he continued and suddenly, as if afraid his resolve would desert him, he began to speak faster.
"I thought we could get closer, Scarlett, damn it. That spring in Atlanta, I came and saw you, you made me feel something again just by looking into my eyes. Just by kissing your cheek, I stayed up all night afterward remembering your scent. I left Atlanta that same day, scared of my vivid emotions and after being in the estate for a couple months, I decided I needed to see you, to talk to you. I was already realizing that I had rushed into that damned divorce! And the children, they'd completely distanced themselves from me.Then you returned the necklace and Peter said that you hadn't been writting almost for two months to him, then I came to Atlanta and I couldn't find you, you were gone. Sold our home and disappeared."
At these words she turned round to him again and looked into his dark eyes seriously and said, "You never called that house 'home'. 'A mausoleum', 'a monster'."
He looked at her with serious eyes, then suddenly took her hands in his and said,
"Anyway... you were there with me, we were there, Bonnie was born there."
Scarlett looked at him sadly, and whispered, "Bonnie... You know, I cleaned her room before I left, Rhett... Colum was with me, it was..."
She couldn't finish the sentence, tears preventing her from speaking.
Rhett didn't wait any longer, stepping towards her and hugging her tightly.
Scarlett froze in his arms, he stroked her hair and suddenly whispered, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Scarlett, that I wasn't there with you. I should have been, she was our daughter."
She closed her eyes and pressed herself against his chest. Rhett's heart was beating fast, very fast. He hugged her even tighter, adjusting the shawl around her shoulders, protecting her from the cold wind off the water.
In his deepest dreams he could never have imagined that he would be standing like this with her. That she, Scarlett, would be able to show him her feelings, that there would not be the cold and indifferent relationship between them that had prevailed in their bitter marriage.
She loved him. Still the thought puzzled him as to why this woman loved him after all these years. He didn't know the answer to that question, but he knew she had the advantage of being honest. She had confessed to him straight away, she hadn't been afraid to confess yesterday. Now it was his turn.
"Scarlett," he called to her softly. After a moment, she pulled away from his chest and looked up at him with tear-stained eyes.
He took her face in his hands and gently wiped the tears from her cheek with his finger.
"Yes, Rhett," she said half-questioningly.
He took her hands in his, and she looked behind his shoulder for a moment, distracted.
He felt her squeeze his hand and saw her worried look.
"Rhett, look, please, I think Wade's got something going on over there.
Rhett turned around and squinted and saw that Wade was sitting on the rocky bank rubbing his bruised knee, Ella was standing beside her brother looking around. It was obvious that she was looking for her parents. Peter was squatting in front of Wade, doing something to his knee as well.
"Rhett..." she exclaimed excitedly.
"Let's go to them, Scarlett," he said seriously, and added, more gently, "let me hold your hand, it's a rocky shore, you have to be careful."
She only nodded in reply, took his hand, and they hurried to their son.