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A/N: Inspired by KarlieQ's latest, To Be Frank.
Jessica lay quietly, taking in long, slow, deep breaths, and tightened her grip on the sheets. Beside her, she could hear the rhythmic sound of Seth's breathing. In, out. In, out. She smiled, though her chin wobbled. She wouldn't cry. She wouldn't.
She'd finally done it. She'd finally made love with another man. She took in another breath. She loved Seth. She would never have gone to bed with him if she hadn't, and that wasn't the point. The point was that she'd moved on. Her darling husband was gone, had been for close to six years. He'd encouraged her, urged her, even, to live her life, to enjoy life after he was gone.
I know you, Jessie. You MacGills keep your promises, and sometimes you keep 'em hard. He took her hand in his and pressed it against his lips. You've given me so much, Jessica. He held up his hand. You've given me so much, he said firmly. You've loved me so well and so thoroughly that my only worry now is you. I know you, Jessie. Listen to me.
He smiled as that stubborn cast played across her face, that dear, beautiful face that he had to say goodbye to. But he had a stubborn streak himself, and he'd say goodbye in his own way. He cupped her chin and tilted her face toward his.
Listen to me, he repeated gently. Don't hide your love away, Jessie. You have so much to give, and still so much to receive. Live your life, have adventures, let yourself love again. And, every so often, think of me and smile. Because you know wherever I am, I'll be smiling, thinking of you.
The tears would come now. She drew in a shuddering breath and shifted slightly so as to muffle the noise into her pillow.
"Sweetheart?" rumbled Seth. He sat up and saw that she'd turned on her side, her shoulders hunched up around her ears. He put a tentative hand on her head, stroking it gently. "Sweetheart, you can tell me anything." She shook her head. Seth shifted so that he could spoon her back, and he rested his chin on the top of her head. "Is this alright?" he murmured. He was relieved to feel her head nod yes against his chin. A big part of him had worried this might happen, had known it would happen. He hadn't cried the first time he'd made love to a woman after Ruth died. He'd gone home and punched the cheap full length mirror he'd bought to replace Ruth's keen eye. Neither the mirror nor punching it had helped, though he couldn't deny that the pain felt good, right, even, after what he'd done. He hadn't even given a thought to the seven-year streak of bad luck potentially heading his way. Losing Ruth, he thought, had been all the bad luck he could imagine.
But that wasn't true, of course, bad as it was. There was always something deeper, another layer of sediment to grind through, and now his thoughts led to Jessica, the warm sunshine of this new life he'd worked so hard to create. Without her…he wouldn't let himself finish the thought. He knew Jessica. Knew her almost as well as he knew himself. She would never have gone to bed with him, made love with him (because that's what it was…of that he was certain), if she weren't in love with him. He knew that in his bones. Still, though. He shifted slightly so that he could curl up just that much closer to her. Her tears had subsided, and he risked smoothing a gentle hand up and down her arm. He felt her lean into him, and he thought he might cry himself, from relief, or joy.
"You can tell me anything, Jess. Anything. I hope you know that."
She cleared her throat. "I do," she said softly. "I didn't mean to cry, Seth."
"It's alright," he soothed. "I understand." He felt her stiffen. "I do, woman."
"I know," she said softly. "I feel like I spoiled something that was special for us."
He squeezed her to him, forgetting his earlier goal of not crowding her. "Nothing is spoiled, Jess. Not for me. I love you, Jessica. All of you. Your laughter and your tears. Your Frank was a good man, a man worthy of you. I only hope I can do justice to his memory. I do love you, Jess. And I always will. No matter what."
Jessica turned in his arms to face him. In the lamplight, she could see the depth of his love for her. He'd been selfless, putting her needs and wants above his own, contenting himself with friendship even though she knew he longed for more and had for many years now. It was seeing him in that hospital bed. No, it was seeing him on the floor of her kitchen that had frightened her so terribly, that had shocked into existence the love she'd stubbornly refused to acknowledge. At that moment, that terrible moment, she'd known how foolish, how careless she'd been. She dropped the bag of groceries and began praying as her shaking hands dialed 911.
Seth brushed a curl from her forehead. "You're thinking quite hard, my dear."
She turned her face into his hand and nuzzled his palm, then she turned to face him again. "Seth, I love you."
Seth, who'd steeled himself to hear a regretful speech filled with loving kindness and friendship, broke into a huge grin. "I love you, too, Jessica."
"I know," she said quietly. She threaded her hand in his and held their joined hands against the hollow of her chest.
Seth lay quietly, watching the fascinating eddies of her mind swirl across her face. He was content. She would tell him tonight, or tomorrow, or never. That wasn't the point. The point was she knew she could tell him.
Jessica lifted her head and placed a swift kiss on Seth's lips. He looked at her quizzically. "For being you. For being here. For us, together," she said softly. She settled back down against the pillow, and Seth scooted down next to her. If he were a younger man, he thought drowsily, then smiled. He'd given love and received it from two beautiful, strong-willed, vibrant women. As Jessica snuggled in under his chin, he sent a quick prayer of thanksgiving to Ruthie and to Frank.
"I love you, woman," he breathed.
"I know," said Jessica softly.
He smiled and pulled her impossibly closer. If he had his way, he'd never let her go.
A/N: KarlieQ's story was so genuine, so gutting and beautiful, that I haven't been able to stop thinking about it. Frank is such a central figure, yet we know so little about him. Her story filled in the blanks, so lovingly and so elegantly. And including Seth so thoughtfully was a masterstroke. His presence in that story made me think of this. I hope you enjoy it, and KarlieQ, thank you for all the wonderful stories you've written and continue to write. I can't wait to see where you'll take Jessica next!
