—- CHAPTER 5 —-
Death Before Dishonor
The adults planned to break me down to be rebuilt according to their beliefs. They must have thought seclusion would be effective, but despite the solitary confinement, I wouldn't compromise my beliefs.
The room was a spare office, which had maple desks and rows of filing cabinets I could see behind Sensei who was giving me an earful.
"Don't you want to be able to join the other kids again?" Sensei asked.
There were nice leather cushioned chairs, but we were standing engaged in a moral and ethical debate.
"Yes! I'd love that." I nodded showing my eagerness.
The air was strong with the scent of ink and cleaning agents.
"All you have to do is admit that you were in the wrong and apologize to your family, then everyone will accept you again." Sensei smiled, offering me a way out of my isolation.
I bowed to show respect, but then came back up hoping to soften the blow.
"Sensei, I'm so thankful you take your time to help think things over and make sure I understand stuff." I said.
"That's awesome Mizu-kun! So you're going to apologize then?" He asked.
"Sensei, I want you to realize this is not me fighting against you or the clan. I appreciate all the help you have lent me and will never forget it, but I will never give up or betray my Heavenly Father."
I hoped that would be sufficient to convince him that I would not be swayed.
The next day, instead of my Sensei showing up after finishing class with the other kids, no one showed up, leaving me by myself.
Besides my meals being delivered, there was nothing I was expected to do. I thought back to this season's lack of a harvest for me, and how they didn't include fruit in any of my meals.
I guess my showing was pretty convincing…
Three days came and passed without an adult coming to instruct me, but I was not alone. My Lord was with me.
I got to ask so many questions and receive replies back in real time! All the waiting around for answers to come or the effort of discovering them myself was replaced by concise condensed wisdom that nourished my spirit.
I received the answers to solve many puzzles that stumped me. I couldn't believe he was so patient and kind entertaining my interrogation that kept getting longer and longer as I searched for what I was still lacking in understanding.
What could have been a tragic 3 days was instead the best days of my life.
On the fourth day, in the morning, the Lord didn't respond back instantaneously like I was blessed with from before. I didn't receive any word back, which was fine. I was so thankful to be rewarded for my faith, but the morning stretched into noon, and noon into evening.
After a long boring day, Hiashi showed his face in the reddened twilight of dusk.
"Are you ready to accept reality yet?" He asked me.
I wanted to laugh, but I restrained myself to not disrespect the patriarch and to mask how giddy I was for this blessing that fell into my lap.
I bowed to him, and stayed down to speak my piece.
"That hasn't been my problem Hiashi-sama. The problem is that everyone wants me to deny my God exists."
"You're still spouting that childish nonsense?" He sneered.
"The only way you will stop me from praising the true Lord in Heaven is ending my life." I said straightening my posture. "Death before dishonor."
"…You are serious about this. I'll give you that. You're stubborn to a fault."
"I'm sorry, Hiashi-sama."
"You're not sorry for putting me in this position, you're sorry that I'm here to attend to the problem. Do you think about how your actions are affecting our family?"
"Yes sir."
"Really? Do tell." His pupils lasered in with focus.
"Everyone is worried because accepting the will of our Lord means undermining your personal authority as head of the clan and acting patriarch." I replied.
"Who told you to do this?! Elder Hiro?" Hiashi asked.
"My Lord asked me. The only one I answer to is my true Lord and our gateway _ _."
I mouthed words but my voice vanished and silenced in an incomprehensibly eerie way.
What?
"Enough games!" Hiashi screamed, raising two fingers to the ceiling. My curse mark activated and a searing pain burned behind my eyes and from my temples. "ANSWER ME! I COMMAND YOU UNDER THE AUTHORITY OF OUR FAMILIES SEAL, WHO PUT YOU UP TO THIS?"
Without free will, words spilled from my mouth.
"The Singularity." My voice was robotic and lacked emotion.
I know that explanation excludes the information of the holy spirit, and the son who died on the cross, _ _ but—Huh? _… Even in my mind? Sure, the Singularity was glorious, but why can't I speak or even think _'s name inside my own head?!
My mind is being censored?
Hiashi pulled himself back from his thoughts and squinted at me.
Future concern, back to the problem at hand.
I gave Lord Hiashi my attention.
"Huh? Who is that?" Hiashi questioned, looking bewildered.
I tried not to freak out under the unexpected news of this shocking fact, but it didn't matter in the end, because the jutsu was still active.
My lips spat out words against my will. "That is our Lord, our Heavenly host. Our King of Kings. He is the incarnation of love and whose mercy rains down upon us and washes the lost clean if we consent and follow Him above all."
The man stood dumbfounded, literally scratching his head while staring into my eyes. His deep confusion evolved into something beautiful in my witness of him, but I didn't understand this behavior in the slightest.
"Lost?" Hiashi-san went down onto his knees, and then crossed his legs sitting down onto the floor. "Tell me... about our Lord." He urged me, pinching his chin between his index finger and thumb.
Finally! Please give me the strength to bear a proper witness of you!
"Our Lord is merciful, and kind. He watches us make mistakes, and becomes angry, but doesn't act on his emotions, and instead waits to issue out our punishment."
Your understanding has grown, my precious daughter.
The sudden praise made my cheeks feel hot then tightened into a smile, but tears began streaming out of my eyes.
"We deserve far worse than only asking for forgiveness and receiving God's grace... but for some reason our Lord looked down from on high and decided our redemption from our wickedness was his priority because he loves us so much." I preached.
Lord Hiashi, the man I have only heard or seen controlling and commanding others around, sat and listened intently to my message. I talked ceaselessly, giving my master in Heaven the credit he deserved and explained why he was so great.
I made certain to connect all of our clan history that I'd learned so far and showed how it fit into the framework of belief in God.
"Passover was a tradition founded in a land named Egypt, by a people called the Israelites, who were enslaved at the time by Egyptian royalty, who protected themselves from the angel of death."
"Jashin, former-proclaimed God or angel of Death by the late Uzumaki clan."
"Uhh…I think Jashin is a different angel, but I could be wrong." I stepped out of my realm of comfort into pure speculation on the basis of knowing that Jashin should be Satan, and the angel of death should be different from him. "I'm not sure, you could be right, but who knows."
I continued and talked about many other traditions and beliefs held by my family and filled in the holes the best I could with everything I could think of.
The 3 days of nonstop feedback gave me so much ammunition to fire off in this exchange that it was unlike any other of my attempts to witness from before.
I can do this!
"Our family must somehow be related or descend from the Israelites, a people chosen by God, or at minimum been chosen in an equal capacity." I mentioned. "—They also were told and held traditions of what animals are edible, they call this kosher, and the permitted ones are those that have cloven hooves and chew the cud such as cows, sheep, goats and deer. They only eat the same fish which have fins and scales, such as cod, haddock and bream—just as we do."
Hiashi nodded along with me, as I explained and weaved a complex web of history and theology for him to process.
I droned on and on, talking more than I thought possible. Early night became the morning, and then the morning turned to night once again.
By the return of dusk signifying 24 hours since he'd shown up, the color drained from Hiashi's face leaving him resembling a pale ghost.
Every loose end I noted to myself in the past, I managed to pull it from memory without reference and use it to witness to Hiashi to the best of my ability.
I did it! I REALLY did it!
"Girl... Do you truly stake your life on your God?" Hiashi asked.
"I will always trust in the Lord," I answered, exuding my confidence with a smile.
Things grew quiet. Hiashi closed his eyes and stroked his chin engaged in what looked like deep thought.
"I thought this matter would be much simpler... but things have become quite complicated now."
"What do you mean?" I asked.
Hiashi's eyes popped open, alarmingly wide.
"Either what you say is the truth... in which case I have no right to sway you from your mission."
"Or-?" I was running through possible worst case scenarios in my head.
"Or someone sent you here with evil intent, to break apart everything our ancestors have built for us, so it can be stolen and redistributed to the lowly gentiles," he said.
"Gentiles?" I asked, not expecting to hear that term.
He doesn't even believe in the Lord, so how can he vomit out orthodox Jew jargon and not come to the conclusion that I'm telling the truth? Please be reasonable.
Hiashi closed his eyes again, taking a deep breath before unveiling a secret passed down from generation to generation from our earliest ancestors' records.
"Our family's prophecy predicted Lilith's reincarnation and showed us two possible futures. One where the whole clan fractures, sending us into a civil war and after our village turns on us and steals our Byakugan... or one where we stay unified as a people and avoid extermination, and instead the Uchiha will face extermination."
"Two futures? What does that have to do with me?"
I struggled to comprehend what was unfolding.
"The eye of insight prevails Mizuki. We, the Hyuga, are blessed with an occasional clairvoyant prophet that receives visions of the future after witnessing the secrets hidden in stars and astrology. Even if the sharingan is strong, we will outlast the Uchiha and reign dominant for 1000 years by the compounding of interest from all of the work our clan has already put in. I'm not asking you to reinvent the damn wheel. " Hiashi said.
I put my hands together and pressed my eyes shut to show my remorse. "I'm sorry. I do take awe in how rich our family is culturally. I'm excited to be part of such a large and special family... I just want to be able to share and witness to others about my heavenly father that has made me so thankful to be alive. So this prophecy, how am I supposed to tie in?"
I peeked out of one eye, then both. Hiashi held out both of his arms out to his sides in the air.
"A serpent will be born, with the blood and body of the beast, from a pure maiden, who was defiled in an unholy union, and that child will resemble the Mother of all Shinobi, with the power to decide the destiny of the clan. Will we be extinguished through a civil war, or ascend into this era's dominant clan to reign supreme for millennia?" Hiashi recited with fun theatrical flair. "I know which one I'd pick."
"Me? You're saying I'm supposed to be the serpent? Do I resemble Lilith? You think I could be her reincarnation?"
"You are a female, with the body of the beast, with a mother who was defiled in an unholy union... you are missing the Almighty Byakugan... No eye of Insight. If you had that last piece of the puzzle, I think the whole clan would have to recognize you."
"My mom... was... defiled? What— like she got raped?" I asked terrified of what the answer would be. My skin crawled, and everything was piecing itself into why things happened the way they were in the worst way possible.
"Her fiancé was killed before her eyes, by the man who then kidnapped and impregnated her against her will." Hiashi informed me.
I was far too optimistic with my first assumptions...
Wow. Holy! Why? God… what's going on? Is everything okay?! This is your plan? THIS?
My mind flashed back to when I was slapped. My hand reached up to my face where i could remember the sting once resided.
"I deserved that…" I whispered.
My inner and outer monologue finished, but didn't have anything else to add, so Hiashi used that opportunity to continue.
"That man was your father, the rabid demon once exalted for his warfare and assassinations by both the Kaguya clan and Hidden Mist Village, but even they woke and realized the monstrosity and insanity of Ryuga Kaguya. His own clan collaborated with the mist village to capture and execute him for the countless heinous acts even the blood mist couldn't look past."
"…..ah" I opened my mouth and decided that I had no idea what to say.
"We managed to succeed in our first rescue attempt, but she was already with child. Hiroka carried you and still allowed you to be born with the Hyuga name to uphold our longstanding traditions as our parents and their parents before them have managed for centuries."
"That's… I'm… What happened to mom… was terrible." I couldn't get past this news and the suffering that I now knew she went through.
"Did no one tell you about the prophecy before me?" Hiashi switched the focus of the conversation back.
"No. I didn't know anything about it." I answered, crossing my arms across my chest feeling uncomfortable and antisocial all of a sudden.
Hiashi approached so close the heat of his breath fell on my neck. Goosebumps broke out over my arms.
"You're hiding something! I haven't figured out exactly what it is yet but something is off about you."
His hand rose, and the sharp pain of electric current zapped from inside the front of my skull.
"I COMMAND YOU - tell me if the family's secret prophecy was mentioned to you before me!" Hiashi barked.
"No Hiashi, I was ignorant." My mouth formed words not of my making.
"DAMNIT!" Lord Hiashi jumped to his feet, a vein on his forehead bulged. The aura of desperation oozed from his chakra that flared out with wild intensity now eyeing me down directly.
I imagined what could be going through his mind.
Just be obedient. Learn your place! I could hear his voice in my head.
"Don't play with me. You can't even tell me how you came to know of these stories. Some book that's never existed in our world? I've never heard of any Egyptians or Isrealites from anything else in my life… Mind you I've been invited to cult meetings that also claim a perfect plan, but all there is in the end is family, because life is short and we owe it to the next generation to carry on our ancestors legacy. I'm doing my best to protect everyone! You need to stop acting like Saint Paul or whoever from your imaginary stories, and start putting your family first in all things."
"—I'm no Saint, but I am a Prophet, sent to help by our Heavenly Father. He wants to remind you that family comes second only to him, our God." I said.
"That's absurd. It's more likely you're a reincarnated spirit of another clan seeking our ruin. Do you know what your mother and the clan went through to maintain our blessed clan? Anyone who would want to toss that aside for a figment of the imaginary is worse scum than even the Kaguya who are brutal and savage, and worse than your demonic father, wasting the gift of your birth by following through on your delusions of grandeur. You are gifted with the strength and tenacity of your people, and you're every bit as stubborn and unwavering as your kin from Kirigakure, but you were born here! We are your people. The Hyuga believe in traditions to continue to pass down from generation to generation. We have something special. When will you FINALLY THINK THINGS THROUGH AND DECIDE TO SET ASIDE WHAT YOU WANT FOR THE GOOD OF YOUR CLAN?"
"I HAVE THOUGHT THINGS THROUGH. I don't enjoy when you strawman my arguments, and I wouldn't repeat myself over and over to hear myself talk. I love our family... and I want to see even better for everyone." I said.
"My gut reaction is telling me to trust you on this, but I can't risk our family and village on a gut feeling. I need something more concrete. Can you provide any proof?" Hiashi asked.
"Proof? The proof is chakra, the proof is mathematics and how reality abides to conceptual laws. The proof is nature that exists with beauty and intelligent design. The proof is inside people who are made in the image of our God. We also as people are temples that can house the Holy spirit if we accept it. There will always be a line between observable facts and faith, and It's scary to venture out and practice faith without being able to observe it, but if it is the truth, don't you think it's worth giving a shot?"
So I guess I can talk about that part. Just not _.
"The clan and especially your mother was put in an unspeakable position. Our traditions tell us to cherish life, so we allowed you to survive against the judgment of Your mother as she begged me over and over to allow her to abort you, but I believed in my family, even if it was tainted by the scourge of Ryuga's savage warmongering blood, there was also Hiroka's peaceful and obedient flesh too, so I hoped that you could enjoy our family and appreciate the opportunity I GAVE YOU… TO BE OBEDIENT!"
He broke into a step and paced around the room while still talking "—Maybe I should have listened to Hiroka after all. Everyone tells me it is time for traditions to change, but that's because the time for our prosperity was supposed to hinge on whether or not you chose family first. I can't be sure you even have any Byakugan, not yet at least, which would help a lot to back up the claim that you are the child of prophecy, and what your speaking about is actually for some ultimate good orchestrated by a benevolent God? How can I with an ounce of logic in my brain believe something so ludacris? No Mizuki. You are unworthy of the life I allowed you, even against the advice of everyone in my ear, I knew how important our traditions are, so here you are, but now you're making me feel regret… here." He pointed towards where his heart would've been.
…
"How empty inside do you have to be to say that to me?" I frowned, tearing up but blinking them away because they could obstruct my vision.
"Didn't you say that the truth shall set us free?" Hiashi grinned devilishly. "YOU'RE WELCOME."
"I did say that," I replied, nodding in acknowledgement. "—And I appreciate you giving me a chance to live." I gave thanks to this monster of a man even as my skin crawled begging me to stop.
It's still God's plan.
"Do you feel free now?" His words were cast to sap me of my strength. "Are you living? Or merely surviving?"
The despair of doubt is a deathly temptation that can obliterate even foundationally rooted faith. It was no laughing matter or game! This was spiritual warfare.
Like a dark cloud that rained on my parade, doubt knocked on the door of my heart.
I froze in paralysis. Somehow I thought if I was really still maybe all my problems would just go away like a predator whose vision is based on motion.
This is everything to me! Can't Hiashi see that? Does he hate me?! I'm just doing my best to set a good example! ... I've got to stay strong.
"Our Lord has given me free will, so as long as I have a choice, I feel free." I spoke in obedience knowing what must be done. I fought against my flesh that squirmed against my will, but didn't have full control, so I joined my hands interlocking my fingers to help still my body and spirit.
Ama told me my genetics would be the closest to a divine angel that a nephilim could be born. And that when God's plan comes to fruition. even the nephilim could receive an avenue of redemption alongside mankind.
If I didn't follow along with our Lord's plan, I wouldn't just forsake myself, I would also be giving up on everyone in this whole world, and all the peoples' souls chilling in its afterlife. Everyone who would become friends, family, family friends, or even friends' families. I would give up on everyone's future if I failed. Even losing out on saving 1 soul that could have come to God is a tragedy.
That's a lot of pressure… I don't care how much preparation I have or don't have, it's not easy to perform when everything is on the line. People think you're judging them because you're concerned about their spiritual wellbeing, or belong in some kind of asylum to keep out of the eye of those who have been swallowed into the matrix of sin.
That's why I couldn't fold no matter what. The stakes were too high to give into pressure unless it was meant to snap me.
A Kobe Bryant quote I heard him mention several times came to mind.
"Rest at the end, not in the middle."
This helped calm me knowing that my faith was meant to be tested today, and I'm already on the path of victory.
The battle has already been won. All that's left is to carry out the future in accordance with God's plan.
"Okay. Then I will give you one last chance to change your mind or prove what you say." Hiashi made his appeal to me.
God please lead me towards you and away from temptation.
He continued his plea. "Please think carefully... You can stay here, imprisoned for the entirety of your remaining days, free to praise your Lord as much as you see fit from solitary confinement... or you can give up on these delusions and assume the responsibility as a Hyuga member and earn back your freedom." He said, then held his breath.
I didn't let him wait, and answered with certainty.
"I choose my God, and I'll choose him every time."
There was no room for interpretation.
My faith blossomed! Indescribable joy welled up from my core.
I sacrificed my wants to prioritize the Singularity's needs, and I never want to go back to what I used to be without God.
"... Fine. You've made your bed, now lie in it bitch." Hiashi stormed out in a fit of rage, slamming the door behind him.
"It's not like I'd ever be free physically though… So what's the difference…"
I sat in gloom for a while. All became quiet and still, except my heart. It beat with intensity and panic.
Am I really going to be locked up my whole life?
I hoped the Lord would comfort me in my time of need, but there was no reply.
...No, the Lord said his great deliverance is coming. I must remain faithful.
The next day, I was transferred from the Hyuga Compound to the custody of the high security Torture and Interrogation unit.
Because I was still underaged, I'm also assigned as a ward of the state despite being incarcerated and imprisoned. Someone was chosen as a representative to act in place of my legal guardian for the duration of my confinement.
My first steps outside the compound arrived, but I was escorted through the village to the government buildings. My first time not viewing Konoha's through a page of manga or on a screen, but through my own sight. It was magical… wondrous…
Despite hearing from my clan that outside everyone is impoverished and more miserable than the Hyuga who live in elegance, I caught myself envying some of the people we passed on the streets whose smiles and laughs were more wholesome than anyone inside my clan. Random passerbyers with comparatively nothing were content and happy.
Stares were directed my way. Some of curiosity, others extending their sympathies, and the rest scorned me in their contempt.
We arrived at Division 3, a notorious wing of a massive structure of stacked blocks and poured concrete walls and cells that completed the titanic administrative bastion for critical thinkers and analysts. There were glass windows that tiled the front reflecting the morning light in golden rays.
When I was funneled into the threshold of the entrance, and the quality of air changed, I swallowed and gulped in nervousness.
I looked back, back to the outside world thinking that my time out there was far too brief.
I'd give up 3 days of food for another minute outside…
I was tugged and lead deeper into the building, through hallways and checkpoints until reaching the dreaded infamous Torture and Interrogation headquarters.
I was processed, and then assigned a cell.
"I can't believe your clan is using our system to lock up their kids… that's stone cold." One of the investigators murmured.
The door shut behind me.
When alone, it all really came into focus. My hands began trembling for the first time in memory.
Why is it always imprisonment? I feel like I've been through this arc in my life over and over and it was finally time to leave it behind, … but NO, it found me once again, on some bullshit. Do they only view the world as an opportunity to shackle and chain others? They are the real crabs in a bucket… but I know that even if my labor hasn't paid off, it wasn't worthless, and all I can do is continue moving forward.
I fell to my knees, and raised my gaze to the ceiling as if staring past and peering into the heavens. I pressed my hands together despite their uncooperative state.
"Sorry God. I shouldn't swear… when I get angry…Not even in my head. I whispered, shaking my head ashamed of my behavior.
My hands quit shaking and returned back to my control, I pressed them harder together in reverence to God's almighty power.
"You are in charge, and everyday I'm reminded of how awesome you are God. I was wondering… why I couldn't think or say _'s name, but I know there must be some reason, so I'll stay faithful until you see fit to reveal that to me. I'm worried about my family as they still haven't been able to see your light. I miss my fellow brothers back in Eden and am curious how the others that are out working in the field are doing. I love you and all your creations. Thank you for everything you do. Amen!"
I released my last words like a humongous weight was taken off my chest, and despite the grim circumstance, things weren't all bad.
My heart that pounded with anxiety for all this time calmed. My inner world became tranquil and peaceful with acceptance after the struggle was over.
That's when it dawned on me that my room had pen and paper!
I began drawing out and sketching random things from memory, and despite the lack of references that would have once irked and frustrated me, I found enjoyment in it because I wanted to.
It was another tool that was useful for self-expression, and despite my perfectionist nature, I knew that wherever I was in my journey was beautiful. All I had to do was find it like a detective!
My pen hit the page and I composed a scene with a hero locked in a dungeon, with light pouring in through the cell window extrapolating from reality for this piece.
Never surrender.
I leaned back from my work and used the pen as a makeshift ruler, bringing it closer to my face. The proportions of everything checked out, and I nodded with a fulfilling sense of accomplishment.
—- Author's Notes —-
This chapter got deleted and I needed up having to rewrite it. oh well. let me know what you all think.
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