Title: Weathering the Storm
Author: AlDaKaSa
Pairing: Goren/Eames
Spoilers: Purgatory (S07E11)
Rating: T
Disclaimer: These characters are not mine, I'm just playing with them, please don't sue, I have nothing to give.
Summary: She felt a profound isolation, as if she were lost in a vast and unforgiving ocean. The man she had trusted implicitly had erected a barrier between them, leaving her adrift and alone. As the rain intensified, so too did the turmoil within her.
XXXXX
After his interrogation with Stoat, Bobby entered the observation room with trepidation, unsure of how Alex would behave toward him. He knew she was angry, and rightfully so, but would he be able to get her to understand? Would she give him a chance to explain? Would she ever forgive him? That was the question that bothered him the most because if she didn't, it meant he had lost her forever. Going undercover and getting his shield back, getting back to her, would have been for nothing.
He didn't take his eyes off her as Ross explained the FBI's stance on the case. She was blatantly ignoring him, her arms crossed and staring into the interrogation room, her anger at the two men in the room radiating from her. As Ross left the room to take a phone call, Bobby seized his chance, "Eames," he called to her, his voice contrite, hoping to convey everything he was feeling in that one word, preventing Eames from following Ross, and trying to escape him.
He tried to explain to her that he was so desperate to get his shield back, to get back to her that he did what he had to, even if that meant keeping her out of the loop. He was not proud of the fact, but at the time, he saw no other choice. As usual, he's not particularly articulate, and everything he says makes things worse. Alex herself was still too angry to listen to him; her trust in him had been shattered, and the bond she believed they shared - broken.
She lashed out at him, trying to hurt him with her words. She wanted to hurt him the way he hurt her. She wanted him to feel the pain and anger she was feeling. As she spat the words "I hope it was worth it!" she meant it. She hoped, for his sake, that the risk of losing everything they had was worth it for him because, to her, nothing was worth betraying their partnership, their trust, their friendship, or her love for him.
Two days later, as Alex stood in Ross' office with the Chief of Detectives, her anger had not abated, and she still couldn't forgive Bobby or feel happy for him as he stood, giddy with excitement, waiting for his shield and gun. She also couldn't bring herself to be more than just this side of civil as she answered him about "seeing her in the morning."
She found herself driving her car on autopilot, her mind still haunted by the vision of pointing her gun at Bobby, her heart entwined in a labyrinth of emotions. The weight of betrayal lay heavy upon her soul. Navigating her car through the rain-swept streets. The relentless downpour mirrored the torrents of emotions that coursed through her veins—a tempestuous blend of anger, hurt, and a profound sense of loss. So, when she saw the neon glow of the name of the bar she and Bobby liked to visit shining through the window, she was shocked. It was in the opposite direction of her home; in fact, it wasn't far from Bobby's.
A car honked its horn behind her, startling her as she rounded the corner and parked. At that moment, she felt a profound isolation, as if she were lost in a vast and unforgiving ocean. The man she had trusted implicitly had erected a barrier between them, leaving her adrift and alone. As the rain intensified, so too did the turmoil within her. The weight of his betrayal pressed down upon her like an unbearable burden, threatening to crush her spirit. She longed to confront Bobby, to demand an explanation, something more than "I'm sorry", but fear held her back. She feared that her anger would consume her, that she would lash out more than she already had and irrevocably damage their partnership.
She might as well have a drink since she was here; God knows, she needed one. The rain became her confidant, as she stood on the sidewalk, a silent witness to the depths of her despair, a refuge where her tears could flow unchecked.
She found an open stool at the end of the bar, out of the way of customers crowding to get drinks to take back to tables. Ignoring their stares at her drenched clothes and limp hair plastered to her face.
As she stared into her fourth Martini glass (having downed the first three in quick succession), absently eating an olive, her mind wandered back over the last six months.
At first, things between her and Bobby had been good. This wasn't his first suspension, so they treated it like all the others. He'd come to her house, and they would order take-out. She'd fill him in on the case she was working on, and they'd bounce ideas and theories back and forth until they had good leads, and then call it a night.
A glimmer of hope emerged from the depths of her despair, a fragile beacon in the storm as she remembered that slowly, things began to change. They were getting closer on a personal level. He still came over even if she didn't have a case, and on those nights, they'd share a drink or two and talk. He started opening up to her about his childhood, talking about the tumultuous relationship his parents had, the way his brother was hero-worshipped by them, and their indifference toward Bobby. There were happier evenings too, where they shared funny stories about fumbled attempts at romance and sex through high school, college, and Bobby's travels with the Army.
Then things between her and Bobby were great. On one of these nights, when they'd both had way too much to drink, she learned that he was a passionate and focused lover, ensuring his partner's needs were met as well as his own. She learned that he loved to touch, with fingers and mouth. That he loved to tease, to prolong the blissful tremors before release. That he loved to hear her say his name in the throes of ecstasy. Yes, things were definitely looking up as far as their personal relationship was going. They hadn't spent a night alone in two months, went on dates on Saturday nights and strolled through the park on Sunday mornings.
Then they'd gotten into a fight and things between her and Bobby went bad. She'd invited him to join her and her family for the annual get-together, he overreacted when she'd told him that her father wasn't too keen on them seeing each other, fearing what it would do to her career, which of course brought out all of his insecurities and the uncertainty of his job status didn't help. And so he started on a path of self-destruction, he started pulling away from her, spending his nights drinking instead of with her, calling her drunkenly and picking fights.
Then he disappeared completely, no more drunken phone calls, no more fights, no more Bobby. She didn't know what the hell to think, he wasn't home, he didn't answer his phone, did he just leave or did he do something stupid? She didn't know…Then she found herself staring at him down the barrel of her gun, and the relief she felt at seeing him alive was overridden by her anger, by her fear. She nearly killed him! He had turned! He had gone so far down the rabbit hole he was now one of the bad guys, and to say she was livid was an understatement.
Then the truth was revealed, and she was furious for a whole new reason. The trust they had built over years of shared danger and unwavering loyalty was broken because he couldn't pick up a phone. The two months they had shared building a relationship, building a life, was shattered into pieces because he couldn't trust her.
Her tears started anew as she replayed those two months together, and suddenly she just felt exhausted, absolutely bone-weary. She was tired of being angry all the time, tired of being in pain. She was drained, physically and emotionally.
She knew that Bobby loved her, that he would never intentionally hurt her, she knew in his way he wanted to protect her, to keep her safe, to stop her from worrying about him because if she were honest with herself, that's what she would have done, had he told her, and suddenly she understood.
She would have been a wreck, sick with worry for him. She probably wouldn't have been able to concentrate on her cases, and what if Ross discovered that he'd told her? Then what? She couldn't even fathom what, but she knew it would have been bad, bad for Bobby and bad for her.
With each passing revelation, her resolve to confront him strengthened, not with anger, but with compassion.
She decided to walk to his apartment, as she emerged from the bar, her spirit was bruised but unbroken. The rain began to subside, as she walked and so too did the intensity of her emotions. The storm had spent its fury, leaving behind a sense of clarity and a renewed determination.
With a trembling hand, she knocked on the door, her knuckles rapping against the aged wood. A moment later, the door creaked open, revealing Bobby's weary face. The sight of him stirred a complex array of emotions within her, but she refused to let her feelings cloud her judgment. His eyes widened in surprise, and a flicker of guilt crossed his features.
"Eames?" he uttered, his voice raw with emotion as he took in the sight of her. Her eyes were red and puffy; her shoes soaked through; her blouse drenched and clinging to her.
"What are…did you…" he started, confused as to why she was there and why she had walked in the rain to get there, he was sure she hated him and had already requested a new partner. He wasn't expecting to see or hear from her again.
"Just shut up and listen, Bobby." She insisted before she lost her confidence.
"I understand why you went undercover, I understand that it was the only option Moran was giving you and that he probably hoped you would fail and then he'd never have to deal with you again. I get all that, I understand that. I don't like that you lied to me, I don't like that you didn't trust me enough to tell me what was going on…"
"I couldn't …" he started, but she cut him off with a wave of her hand.
"You didn't have to give me details, Bobby, you could've just let me know that you were working on something to get your job back and that you'd be out of reach, that's all I needed." Her voice softened, the sadness in her eyes evident as she looked up at him. "I should have been told…I'm your partner, Bobby. We share everything…at least I thought we did."
A pained expression washed over Bobby's face. "I know. I'm sorry, I didn't know what else to do, except follow Ross' instructions; to not tell you….things between us were…I made a mistake…" He trailed off. His head hung in shame.
"Of all the times, to start following the rules," she smiled at him softly, she reached out a hand, her fingers brushing against his, "Can we go inside…I'm getting cold."
He sprang into action at the touch of her freezing hand, stepping aside to let her in, he locked the door behind him and went into his room, leaving her standing in the foyer. He came back with a pair of drawstring sweatpants and a matching sweatshirt.
"Here, go and change, I'll make some coffee."
She emerged from the bathroom, towel-drying her hair, and joined him in the kitchen. She stopped short when she caught him staring at her. "What?" she asked him, unable to read the expression on his face.
He stepped up to her and brushed a strand of hair behind her ear, then cupped her cheek. "I missed you." He said softly, his voice barely a whisper, afraid of her reaction. She leaned her head into his palm, "I missed you too." She replied. He stepped into her and hugged her, holding her tight against him. He stepped back from her, "Do you forgive me? Are we alright?" A single tear escaped his eye, tracing a path down his cheek.
She wiped the tear away "I'm working on it. We will be."
Behind them, the kettle whistled. Bobby turned around and poured the water into the mugs, Alex returned the towel to the bathroom and joined him on the couch, each in a corner turned to face the other. Mugs clutched as shields in both hands.
"I get the feeling that we're not done talking." He queried her.
"No, Bobby, I still have a lot to say."
"I'm listening," and he was, earnestly, he was going to do whatever he had to, to get her back into his life.
"I don't think," She stopped and sighed in an attempt to keep the tears at bay, "this would have hurt as much if we'd parted on better terms after our time together…we had a fight and then you spiralled, Bobby." She stopped and looked at him challenging him to deny it. When he didn't she continued, "Instead of talking to me, instead of sharing your feelings with me, instead of seeking comfort from me, you chose alcohol, you withdrew from me, from us, it was like those two months meant nothing to you." Her voice cracked, and she choked back the tears. "When I didn't hear from you, I…I thought you…." She didn't need to finish the thought, the pain on her face conveying her thoughts.
"Oh God, Alex, I'm so sorry, I didn't think….I just wanted to get back to the job, to you so badly, I stupidly believed that if I got my shield back, then things would be good again, we could get back what we'd lost….what I threw away…." He had moved closer to her now, taking her hands in his, holding onto her, fearing that she would leave him. "I was so sure that you would try to stop me from going undercover because you wouldn't want me to put my life in danger, because you wouldn't have been able to not worry about me. I should have known better, I should have known that you were stronger than that, I should have trusted you."
"Yes, you should have, but only to know that you were working to get back and that I wouldn't have contact with you. Regardless of how things were between us as a couple, you didn't talk to me, you just disappeared, that's what hurt the most, but you were right about one thing, if you'd told me the whole truth, I would have worried. All the time. The one thing you're wrong about is that I wouldn't have stopped you. I would have stood by your side, no matter what."
"I know that now," he whispered. "And for that, I am eternally grateful." He pulled her into a hug, his tears falling into her still damp hair, "I'll try to do better, no, with your help, I know I'll do better."
"I'll try too," she answered him, "to be more patient with you, more understanding."
She released him from the hug and softly pressed her lips to his in an intimate and forgiving kiss. She pulled back and smiled at him before kissing him again, this time desperately, and in that moment, the weight on their shoulders dissolved, replaced by a profound understanding that transcended the boundaries of words. Their tears mingled in their kiss, their storm had passed, leaving behind a bond that had been tested and emerged, battered but stronger than ever before.
Their storm had cleaned the air, leaving a sense of renewal, and as they reacquainted themselves with one another's bodies and souls, they knew that the path ahead would not be without its challenges, but they faced the unknown with a courage that had been forged in the crucible of adversity.
FIN
