Chapter 58: Magnificent Sonic:
Sonic's POV:
Tails and I arrived at Tranquil Gulch.
"What are we stoppin' for, Sonic," asks Tails.
"Check it out, scout! Tranquil Gulch! Now, that's the kind of town I've been lookin' for," I said.
"It is," asks Tails.
"After months of stoppin' Robotnik, fightin' for truth, justice, and the hedgehog way, it's time to kick back and relax! Come on, partner," I said.
. . .
Tails and I entered the saloon. "What'll it be, boys?"
"Couple of chili dogs and a beer. Root beer, that is," I said.
"Double that," says Tails.
"Ah'm Miss Possum. Welcome ta maah saloon, Mr. uh..."
"Hedgehog, but you can call me Sonic! Better yet, you can call me anytime," I said.
"What about Sally," asks Tails.
"UUUUUUUUUhhhhhhhhh... good call, Little Buddy," I said.
Then this bug robot came in. "Hey! Thought Ah done told ya this hair burg was maahn!" He then aims his guns at Miss Possum. I get in the way. "All ah need is one equalizer t' git ya, Hedgehog!"
"Well, I don't need any gun," I said.
He attempts to shoot me, but I kept running around, causing him to shoot himself.
"How done ya do that," asks Miss Possum.
"It's easy when you're the fastest in the West! Not to mention the East, North, and South," I said.
"Ah'm Mayor Chestnut, son! How'd ya like t' be thuh next sheriff awf Tranquil Gulch?"
"Sheriff? Me," I asked, "no thanks! We're just passin' through! Come on, Tails, time to juice!"
"But Sonic, being Sheriff would be way cool! I could be your deputy," says Tails.
"Tails, we got enough on our hands as Freedom Fighters," I said.
"It'll jus' be till' we kay-yun fahnd a permanent sheriff," says Miss Possum.
"Well... alright," I said, "I'm in!"
Dr. Robotnik's POV:
We were waiting for Six Gun Pete's report, but he came back... without his head. "Report," I said. Nothing. "Well, since you can't talk, draw!" Six Gun Pete's body pulls out all six of his guns with all six of his hands and shoots them at me! "I meant draw with a pencil, not the gun, you nitwit!" Six Gun Pete's body grabs the pencil with his upper right hand and the pad of paper with his lower right hand. He draws a poorly drawn picture of Sonic wearing a sheriff's hat, badge, and belt, and falls over. "Sonic! I might have known! Scratch! Grounder! Go to Tranquil Gulch and see that that hedgehog gets a one-way ticket to boot hill!"
"Don't you worry, your awfulness! I'm the fastest in the West," says Scratch.
"You are not! I'm the fastest," says Grounder.
"Oh, yeah? Prove it, draw," says Scratch.
They then shoot at each other.
"Tell me again why you thought they'd be the perfect replacements for Sleet and Dingo," says Snively.
Sonic's POV:
I then try out the guns... and I fail!
"Boy, you really are a bad shot," says Tails.
"Relax, Tails! You don't need to shoot straight when you're faster than lightning," I said.
"Sheriff Sonic, I'm callin' you out for a showdown! Winner gets the town, loser gets a free burial," says Scratch.
"Not so fast, slow-mo! Why use messy old guns when we can settle our differences the clean way? At the poker table," I said.
"Poker," asks Scratch.
"This is perfect! With our computer brains, we can't possibly lose at cards to that meat-headed hedgehog," Grounder whispers.
"Right," says Scratch, "you're on!"
. . .
Now, I'm at the poker table with Scratch and Grounder. "Did I happen to mention this is strip poker? Whoever loses a hand has to strip something off themselves and toss it in the pot," I said.
"Whatever you say, uh, just deal," says Scratch. I then dealt the cards. "Uh, I'll take five!"
"I'll take six," says Grounder.
"I'm stayin' pact! Well, what do you got," I said.
"I got a bet! That's a straight with one missing in the middle," says Scratch.
"Go fish," says Grounder.
"Read em' and weep, gentle jerks," I said, "five aces! Each of you has to strip something off and put it on the table!"
Scratch removes his hat with his left hand and sets it down on the table, then Grounder unscrews his antenna with both his drills and puts it on the table.
"Deal," says Grounder.
I give them their cards. "Well, what do you know? I win again," I said.
Scratch removes his comb with his left hand and sets it down on the table, while Grounder removes his nose with his right drill and sets it down on the table.
"Deal," says Scratch.
I give them their cards. "I win," I said.
Scratch pulls off his tail feathers with his right hand and sets them down on the table, and Grounder pulls his left arm off with his teeth and sets it down on the table.
"Yeow-how! What are you waiting for? Deal," says Scratch.
I give them their cards. "Royal hedgehog! I win again," I said.
. . .
Scratch's left leg is now on the table, along with Grounder's head. Scratch removes Grounder's antenna with his left hand and puts it on the table, then removes his own head and puts it on the table with his left hand.
"D'oh, you and your big ideas, agreeing to play cards," says Scratch.
"Me?! You were the one who said we couldn't lose with our computer brains," says Grounder.
"Guess I'm the big winner, gents! Cash these in for me, Tails," I said.
"You bet, Sonic," says Tails.
"Sonic, ya saved our burg again," says Miss Possum. She was about to kiss me on the cheek...
"Hey, what about Sally," asks Scratch.
"Whoops, don't wanna git ya in a pinch with yo-wr gal," says Miss Possum.
Scratch's POV:
I think I have an idea on how to beat Sonic!
Sonic's POV:
"Sheriff Sonic! Thuh stayge is out awf control eend headed strayaahyt for deep canyon, eend Miss Possum's awn it," says Mayor Chestnut.
"Miss Possum," I asked, "watch the office, Tails! Gotta juice!"
. . .
I then chased after the carriage and as it was falling off Deep Canyon, I jumped in.
"Sonic! Oh, ya shouldn't 'ave come for me," says Miss Possum.
"I think Sally would be okay with this," I said.
"She means you fell right into our trap," says Scratch.
"Yeah, now Scratch and I will jump with parachutes, leaving you two to crash into the bottom of the canyon," says Grounder.
The two then jump.
"Hey, brainless robo-chumps," I said.
"What," asks Scratch.
"I think you forgot somethin'," I said.
Scratch and Grounder left their parachutes behind. They then crash and I got Miss Possum to safety.
Dr. Robotnik's POV:
I received a letter from Sonic. "Dear Robuttnik, Scratch and Grounder are in jail. If you want them, Bail is 10,000 Mobiums. Your fan, Sonic?" I then ripped the letter. "Why, that little impudent pipsqueak of a blue baboon! If he wants a fight, that's just what he'll get!"
Sonic's POV:
Scratch and Grounder are in their cell. The two then look out the window. "It's Dr. Robotnik," says Scratch.
"He's come to break us out of jail," says Grounder.
"All right, Hedgehog, I'll give you one last chance to give me what I want, or I turn you into buzzard bait," says Robotnik.
"D'oh, he means us," says Scratch.
"Yeah! Let us out, or he'll turn you into buzzard bait," says Grounder.
"You can rot in jail for all I care," says Robotnik, "it's the town I want!"
"Sorry, Robotnerd! As long as I'm sheriff, no despicable desperado like you is gonna take over this town," I said.
"Maybe not, but what about six despicable desperados like me, Wired Earp, Batch Cassidy, Billy the Kit, Chassis James, and DOS Holiday? And every one of them is programmed to shoot fast and at you!"
"What'll we do, Sonic? There's no way we can outshoot those guys," says Tails.
"Don't have to outshoot em', Tails! Just have to outrun em'," I said.
I then ran and Robotnik's goons came after me. I managed to take them all down.
"No more of your fancy footwork, hedgehog! This time you draw against me, or your sidekick meets the next train, head-on," says Robotnik as he reveals he has Tails! No choice, I'll have to shoot straight this time! "You haven't got a chance against my infrared hedgehog-homing photon six-shooters!"
"Meet me at high noon," I said.
Dr. Robotnik's POV:
It was high noon. "I'm wwwwaaaaiiiittttiiiinnnngggg! Now, where have I heard that line before?"
Sonic's POV:
I was ready. "Okay, I'm ready," I said, while wearing a poncho.
"Draw, Hedgehog," says Robotnik. Robotnik pulls out the infrared hedgehog-homing photon six-shooters with each hand and fires them at me, but I have a steel plate under my poncho and the beams reflect off it. Robotnik stares in shock, and screams as he tries to run away, but the beams hit him in the butt. "I hate that hedgehog!"
. . .
It was time for me and Tails to go and I gave the badge to Miss Possum. I'm sure she'll do fine.
"Duh, who was that fast hedgehog?"
"Hi-ho, Sonic, away," I said.
In the next chapter, Sonic and the Freedom Fighters meet Professor Caninestein.
