I wasn't sure how long I had been kept awake. I wasn't sure how long I had been tied to this chair. I wasn't sure if I was even alive anymore.
"Are you ready to talk?" Said a gruff voice in front of me. My head lolled forward but I managed a smirk.
I could feel my eyes rolling to the back of my head in a desperate attempt to fall asleep. Every time I had fallen asleep this poor excuse for a human being had woken me up and this time was no exception.
"Wakey wakey, Sunshine," he said as I felt my face being slapped.
I managed to raise my head enough to look at him and rolled my eyes. It was Corban Yaxley.
"Now, the dark lord has asked me to find out from you where this 'diadem' is," he said as he stepped away from me and sat down in a chair facing me.
"Do you even know what a diadem is?" I muttered as I blinked slowly, my eyes making the most of the brief closure.
"What did you say, blood traitor?" He jumped out of his seat pointing his wand at me.
"Calm yourself, Yaxley," Voldemort's eerie voice came from my left.
"My lord," drooled Yaxley, falling to his knees. If I had had the energy I would have rolled my eyes.
"Leave us," Voldemort said without even looking at Yaxley, his eyes fixed on me.
Yaxley scurried out of the room as Voldemort glided in front of me silently watching me. I was beyond exhausted so I wasn't necessarily afraid, but I knew Voldemort wasn't to be messed around with. He knew I was an Occlumens and that I would need considerable strength to keep him out of my mind. He was intentionally trying to break me and weaken my defences.
"Meg, Meg, Meg." He said quietly "I don't want to waste your pure blood, so make this easier for yourself."
My head dropped and I stared at the floor, I had no reply for him and my exhausted body screamed to let it rest as I forced the barriers up in my mind, preparing for the inevitable.
He stared at me intently as he forced his way into my mind. He was stronger than anyone I had ever had in my mind before. He flew through my memories like they were his own. He was so quick I struggled to keep my mental barriers around the particular memory I was hiding.
I turned around the corner towards potions class yawning after a night of little to no sleep once again. The rambunctious noise of other students waiting outside the classroom made my head hurt and I could feel my temper rising. I couldn't see Lily anywhere and didn't feel like I had the patience to talk to anyone else, so I let my bag slip off my shoulder and I leant against the wall, closing my eyes for a second wishing I was back in bed.
"Not even in class yet and you've fallen asleep Megera," came the jeering voice of James Potter. My eyes snapped open and saw that his bespectacled face had turned around to his friends to see the effect of his "joke" on them. I raised my eyebrows and rolled my eyes but didn't bother to retort.
"Why are you so tired?" Sirius asked, shoving Peter out of the way to stand next to James.
"Well, if you must know, I was up studying for the end of term exams." I said, already bored of this conversation.
"That's so boring, why would you waste your time?" James said the slight mocking tone to his voice made my temper flare.
"Because -" I said looking at him pointedly "-Unlike you, I'm not going to rely on my parents' money after Hogwarts," James raised his eyebrows, a slight grin appearing on his face, "or my blood status." I added glancing at Sirius who narrowed his eyes at me.
James made a noise like he didn't believe what I had just said and I turned to him glaring at the mischievous grin he had on his face.
"You wanna know what I heard Megera?" he said slyly "I heard you were up and about with Tommy Dimitrios last night and that's why you're all defensive"
"What?!" roared Sirius. Most of the class turned around to see what had happened.
"Are you actually serious right now?" I said looking at him exasperatingly.
Fuck these boys were so stupid I thought to myself.
"Are you serious?" He retorted "What were you doing with him?!" He took a step closer to me.
James' smile faltered ever so slightly.
"Sirius - I was joking, mate," he said.
Sirius didn't even look at James let alone register what he just said.
"Even if it were true, which it's not-" I looked pointedly at James before looking back at Sirius "-it would be none of your concern" I hissed.
"What you do is my concern," he said angrily.
"I can do what I want Sirius!" I said loudly just as angry. What was it with him? Always acting like he owned me.
"Yeah you can," he said nastily "Depending on who you do it with."
"Right," I said defiantly "-and who is going to stop me? You?"
"Try me," he said, lifting his chin up making him look more haughtier and handsome, which for some reason made me more irritated at this situation than I already was.
There was only one thing I could think of at that moment that would make him angrier than I had ever seen him but I still did it. I grabbed James' tie, yanking him flush against my body and planted my lips on his. The collective gasp of everyone around us was deafening but I didn't care, I was so frustrated. I could feel James flapping his arms around not knowing where to put them.
"Come on in!" came Professor Slughorn's voice from somewhere behind James and I let him go, glaring at Sirius who looked as though I had just slapped him in his stupid arrogant face, picked up my bag and flounced into the potions lab.
I went to a free desk, wrenched my bag open and slammed my book, some parchment, a quill and my wand onto the stone surface.
"Hello, hello -" Professor Slughorn's booming voice floated over my head and into the background of my mind. I was fuming and it only got worse when Sirius' voice whispered into my ear, his breath causing my hair to tickle my ear. "Why the fuck did you do that?"
I refused to look at him and continued to glare at my cauldron in front of me.
"Mr Black do sit down please-" Professor Slughorn called over frowning slightly "Now where was I...?"
Sirius threw himself next to me and I balled my hands into fists as I side glanced his way and saw him lounging in his chair, arms crossed against his chest looking incredibly moody. His dark hair flopping in his eyes, his jaw clenching making his perfect features taunt. Even when he was mad he still managed to look good, which made my skin tingle.
Stop it Meg I scolded myself and snapped my eyes to the front of the classroom, seeing Professor Slughorn's mouth moving as he was talking through instructions but not hearing a word he was saying. Luckily he wrote the page number of the potion we were supposed to be making on the blackboard and, taking a breath to try and calm myself down, I flicked to the page and glared down at the words.
I couldn't believe the morning I was having. I was sick and tired of Sirius' jealousy and possessiveness. 4 more years I reminded myself 4 more years and you're out of Hogwarts and can finally be free of your family. And of the Blacks.
Making the Confusing Concoction was a welcome distraction and before long I felt my temper subsiding. That was until I caught Sirius watching me, his grey eyes narrowed.
"What?" I snapped at him.
"Just trying to figure out who you think you are," he said after a beat.
"I know exactly who I am," I said sharply. "And I don't need you to remind me."
"You don't get it, do you?" He said.
"What don't I get?" I said as I peered over the top of my caldron after stirring in a measured amount of chopped up lovage. "Your unjustified jealousy? Because I seem to understand that a lot better than you do."
Sirius shook his head at me in disbelief but I knew I'd hit a nerve.
"You think we can just get out of the situation our parents put us in?" He asked.
"Yes," I said, frowning at him "there is always a choice."
"You think you're so clever don't you?" He snarled at me.
I raised my eyebrows at him "I am clever, Sirius." I said simply "A lot cleverer than you." I smirked nastily.
His grey eyes seemed to glitter and a small grin pulled at the corners of his lips and when he didn't retort I went back to my textbook, rolling my eyes.
The next step was to cut up Scurvy grass so I grabbed my knife and began chopping.
The next thing I saw out of the corner of my eye was Sirius throwing something into my cauldron causing the potion to explode.
Green smoke came billowing out of the cauldron and soot covered my front. I don't think I had ever been so angry in my whole life and I glared at him as I wiped soot from my eyes.
"Whoops" he grinned and I grabbed my wand from next to my now cracked cauldron, pointed it straight at Sirius' face and cast a stinging hex. The force of the hex sent him flying backwards and he threw his hands up over his rapidly swelling face, moaning in pain.
"Merlin's beard!" Professor Slughorn cried as he bustled over and pulled Sirius off the ground."What is going on here?!"
Sirius now looked as though he had suffered some violent allergic reaction. His eyes were now reduced to slits and welts had appeared not only on his puffy face but down his neck as well.
"Sir, she hexed him!" Cried some Gryffindor girl who I didn't know but had watched the whole thing. I glared at her before I turned to Professor Slughorn.
"Professor, he sabotaged my potion" I said, coughing slightly from the smoke.
"I don't know what has gone on here but maybe you'll both learn some respect in detention tonight! 6pm!" Barked Professor Slughorn angrily letting go of Sirius and pushed him slightly towards the door. "Miss Megera, clean up this mess and you Mr Black, Hospital Wing now!"
Fuming, I slowly cleaned the soot of my robes and face, cleaned up the mess the explosion caused and fixed my cracked cauldron. By the time I had finished the bell rang and I flounced out of the potions lab.
The memory quickly shifted to later that evening.
I was walking down to the potions lab again just before 6pm. I knocked on the heavy doors and waited for Professor Slughorn's "Come in!" Before opening one side of it up and walking inside.
"Ah good evening Miss Megera," Professor Slughorn looked up from his desk and watched me approach "Take a seat whilst we wait for Mr Black to get here".
Just as I sat down the door opened and Sirius strode in, his face back to its normal haughty self. His grey eyes landed on my briefly but his face was expressionless, giving away nothing about what he was feeling.
"Evening Mr Black," Professor Slughorn said, getting to his feet.
"So-" he went on addressing us both "You will be creating an inventory of my store cupboard." He gave me a quill and a roll of parchment and pointed to the door of the classroom where I knew the large storage cupboard was in the hallway "Questions?" He looked at us both.
I shook my head and Sirius said "No,sir."
"Excellent!" Professor Slughorn clapped his hands together "I will check on your progress in a couple of hours - I trust I will have no further problems with you two?" Professor Slughorn narrowed his eyes on us.
"Of course not, Professor," Sirius said grinning.
Professor Slughorn eyed him for a beat before dismissing us to the storage cupboard.
We walked out of the potions lab, Sirius stopping at the door and opening it for me. I frowned at him as I passed him, a soft smell of vetiver filling my nose. The earthy and woody smell of him somehow calmed me and made me feel safe. Meg I silently warned myself.
We made our way to the storage cupboard in silence and once we arrived I opened the door peering into the dark space. Sirius pointed his wand over my head and mumbled a charm and a ball of light floated into the middle of the cupboard and emitted a soft glow, shining off the jars that lined the walls.
I reluctantly turned to face him "How do you want to do this?" I asked.
He shrugged one shoulder "I don't care, Megs" he said, stepping around me and looking up at the shelves. I spun around to look at him, wondering why he'd called me "Megs". He hadn't called me that in a while and had never used that nickname at school before. He spotted me staring at him "What?" He asked.
"Nothing." I snapped at him and thrust the parchment and quill into his hands.
He grinned at me in a way that caused his features to soften and made my stomach flutter. I turned quickly away from him, furious at myself and started to climb the ladder to see the top shelf.
I picked up the closest bar to me and shook it slightly "Abraxan hair - 1 jar" I said and looked down at him.
"That's not Abraxan hair," he said, glancing up at the jar squinting slightly.
"Yes it is," I said.
"It's Granian hair," he said.
"Granian hair is grey, not white." I corrected him.
He grinned and shrugged again "Whatever you say" he said while jotting down something on the parchment.
I rolled my eyes and replaced the jar on the shelf and reached for the jar next to it.
"Billywig stings," I said and peering behind the jar I just picked up I spotted another one. "-2 jars"
"They're not Billywig stings," he said, not even looking up this time.
"Are you really going to do this for everything?" I snapped at him replacing the jar and looking down at him.
"Geez Meg, I'm joking." he said looking up at me. I couldn't be sure if it was the low light but he actually looked slightly hurt.
I continued to look down at him for a beat before I opened my mouth to tell him he wasn't funny but closed my mouth and turned back to the jars.
"Cinnamon - 1 jar" I said, picking up the jar of brown powder and smelling it.
We continued this process over and over until I reached the bottom shelf. As I went to step off the ladder I stepped on the hem of my robe but, before I stumbled onto the floor, Sirius had reached out and grabbed my hand to stop me falling. As I straightened up I looked into his grey eyes, noticing how they were so much lighter than I had previously thought.
"Careful," he muttered letting go of my hand, my skin instantly missing his touch.
"Thanks." I blinked and swallowed, turning away from him.
The bottom shelf only had a couple of dusty jars, covered in cobwebs that looked like they hadn't been touched in years.
"Why do you hate me?" Sirius asked suddenly.
I paused at brushing the cobwebs away from the closest jar. I didn't turn around but said. "I don't hate you."
There was another pause before he said "Then why do you act like I'm the same as my parents?"
I swallowed again, hating the accusatory tone in his voice that I knew I deserved. I spun around, standing up in the process and facing him. He looked at me, his eyes full of unspoken questions and a hint of something I knew I didn't want to address right now.
"I -" I started. I knew exactly why I treated him the way I did. It was to stop this. Stop myself from falling for him. I couldn't give in to what my parents wanted for us.
He took a step closer to me, raising his eyebrows urging me to continue. But I couldn't form the words I needed to tell him.
"I'm nothing like them." He said darkly, "I hate the lot of them."
He caught my eye and for the first time something in his gaze seemed to call to me. Like he needed me to see him. The real him.
"I don't-" I started and failed again to complete the sentence. We were standing so close now. The smell of vetiver flooding my nose again, it was such a delicate hint of it, but it drove my senses into a frenzy. My eyes lingered on his lips for a beat and I wondered what they I would feel like against mine. The thought of it had me biting my lower lip as I tore my eyes away and looked down.
"My parents are terrible people-" His voice grew soft "-and so are yours. But I don't think they realise what a mistake they've made forcing us together."
He was right. He was so right. I had never thought about that before. I'd been too busy fighting my feelings for him and pushing him away.
"The truth is Megs … I can't stop thinking about you."
He very slowly inched his hand towards mine and our fingers brushed against each other. That did it, just a tiny, brief touch had me grabbing the front of his robes and pulling him against me. It felt as though sparks flew between us as our lips collided with one another. This was better than I could have ever imagined I thought to myself as I pushed my tongue into his mouth hungrily. The feelings I had buried were bursting out of me, making my chest feel tight.
I could feel him smiling as he reciprocated and I wrapped my arms around his shoulders.
I felt him clasp his hands at the small of my back and our kiss continued getting deeper and deeper.
However, it was rudely interrupted as the door burst open and we broke apart immediately to face Professor Slughorn who was looking from me to Sirius shaking his head.
"One second you hate each other the next you love each other - I just cannot keep up with you kids."
I felt Voldemort extract his consciousness from mine and with my head pounding and slightly out of breath, I slowly looked up at him. I hadn't realised I had been crying but I could feel tears sliding down my cheeks, making my eyes sting.
"It seems I have underestimated your abilities," Voldemort said quietly and staring menacingly at me.
The door opened and Severus stepped into the room glancing at me before bowing his head and addressing Voldemort.
"My Lord," Severus said, "You called for me?"
"Yes, Severus." Voldemort did not even look at him, keeping his red eyes on me. "I require information from this blood traitor. Information that she is concealing with Occlumency skills. I am a powerful Legilimens, more powerful than her -" Voldemort finally looked away from me and turned to Severus. "-so how is she keeping it from me?"
Severus glanced at me again quickly before turning his attention back to Voldemort.
"My Lord?" Severus sounded confused.
"What do you suggest, Severus?" Voldemort's voice was laced with impatience.
"My Lord, the mind is a complex thing. It can shut down due to cognitive fatigue, and trying to force the memory from behind mental barriers could do irreversible damage." Severus said thoughtfully.
Voldemort surveyed Severus for a moment before nodding slowly.
"Very well," Voldemort said. "Tell Max to come and collect his traitorous offspring."
I swallowed, my throat feeling raw as though I had been screaming, not that I remembered doing it. My head continued to pound and my heart hurt from the memory I had just been forced to watch. I could almost feel Sirius' touch, almost smell him… I could feel my consciousness fading from me as I vaguely heard the door open and close.
