Those Who Go Boldly
Anchor
Published- 2023
Updated- 2023
Summary- Deep down La'an knows it was wrong not to tell the captain about her history with Una while on the mission to Kiley 279. That doesn't make the conversation with Una afterwards any easier.
Relationships- La'an Noonien-Singh and Una Chin-Riley | Number One, La'an Noonien-Singh and Robert April
Tags- Found Family, Hurt/Comfort, Professional Responsibility
Song- Cradlesong by Rob Thomas
Looking back on it now La'an could admit that she hadn't been the easiest child to deal with growing up. She could cut her younger self a lot of slack for not knowing how to re-adjust back to a normal life after what happened to her, she still didn't have all that shit figured out now. Most people though, wouldn't have taken her in when it was confirmed that there was no family left for her to go back to. Una didn't just take her in, she stayed with her through all the ups and downs. She even put her own reputation on the line more than once to bail her out of situations that Starfleet didn't look too kindly on during her most rebellious phases. The Federation and Starfleet didn't always live up to their own ideals but Una did. She was the epitome of everything that a Starfleet officer should be and La'an struggled every day to try and live up to her example.
She was in the gym, alone, with nothing but the punching bag to keep her company. She would have been there keeping up with her Muay Thai training regardless, what good is a Starfleet officer that can't defend herself, but if she was being honest the gym had always been one of the few places where she ever truly felt at peace.
"Lieutenant La'an Noonien-Singh," an authoritative voice broke said peace. "Your CO said I'd find you here."
"Admiral Robert April."
"Admiral," she schooled her tone so that the frustration at being interrupted didn't break through in front of an admiral. "It's a pleasure."
He smirked, "You don't have to lie to me lieutenant I know it isn't, but I have an assignment I think you might be interested in."
"With all due respect sir," she had no problem speaking her mind if he wanted her to. "Wouldn't Starfleet Headquarters be a more appropriate place for this kind of meeting."
"Perhaps, but this particular mission is time sensitive and you'll need to begin packing as soon as we're done talking here.
"You're familiar with Commander Una Chin-Riley, yes?"
La'an's walls immediately went up, "Since you're here I assume you already know the answer to that."
"If you're doing this as some sort of favor to her I suggest you turn around right now."
"I make my own way."
"Look lieutenant I'll just put it straight for you."
"Commander Chin-Riley has gone missing while conducting a routine first contact mission and we're sending the Enterprise to find out what happened to her."
"I can get you temporarily reassigned to that ship, as first officer in Una's place actually, if you want it."
"You've proven yourself to be a fine officer and I think you'll be an asset to Captain Pike and the rest of the Enterprise crew on this mission."
"That and I don't think I or anyone else at Starfleet would be able to stop you from going after her yourself if you found out some other way."
"So I'm offering you the chance to do this the right way," he looked at her expectantly. "Will you take this assignment?"
"I'll do it," no hesitation.
"Good," he gave her a nod. "Enterprise leaves at 1800 tomorrow."
"Enjoy your workout."
She went through the motions of finishing her routine, if for no other reason than to work out the additional stress he had just dumped in her lap, but her heart wasn't in it. Acting first officer on the flagship of the fleet, it was the kind of post that she had been dreaming of since she was a cadet, but none of that mattered. The admiral was right, Una was in trouble and she'd follow Una into the depths of Hell if she had to.
The rescue mission to Kiley 279 didn't exactly go according to plan and if she never had to undergo another medical procedure like that again it would be too soon. But they got Una back and that's what mattered. She had to admit that when she joined up with Starfleet she had never imagined actually serving alongside Una. Una was one of the best officers in the fleet and La'an had always figured that by the time she was ready for the caliber of post that brought her anywhere near what Una was doing she'd already have her own ship. At that point serving with her just wouldn't have been an option. Even if she knew Una would try to be as impartial as possible and even though there were few at Starfleet that even knew about their history it still wouldn't have felt right to her. Like she told the admiral, she had to make her own way. Having her as a superior of any kind filled her with a certain kind of anxiety that she couldn't quite place, part fear of being treated impartially and part fear of disappointing the person whose opinion she valued most. It did feel good to have someone around she could be all of herself with though.
"You know, I just had a talk with Captain Pike about you."
La'an almost spit out her drink.
They were in Una's quarters relaxing, really not doing anything else except enjoying being reunited for the first time in months. One benefit to serving together was that La'an knew that if she ever needed to talk to her or even just see her, Una was only a turbolift away now. It was almost like being a kid again.
"What did he say," she knew Una had dropped it on her like that specifically to mess with her but that didn't stop the anxiety from creeping in anyways.
"He wanted to know about our history."
"What did you tell him?"
"What he needed to know."
"He knows I pulled you out of a bad spot once upon a time, but I know you don't like people knowing all the details."
"Because it's none of their business."
"La'an," she lightly chastised. "You shouldn't have lied to him about why you got reassigned to this ship."
"I didn't lie," she said quickly.
"La'an," the same tone. "Lies of omission are still lies."
She looked down, "I just didn't want him to doubt my judgement."
"You know, we talked about your performance as acting first officer too."
"I, I," she stuttered, the anxiety was definitely stronger now. "I'm sorry if I disappointed."
"La'an look at me," she reached over to run her thumb over her knuckles.
Reluctantly she lifted her eyes again.
"Your performance was exemplary."
"He said you even reminded him of me on more than one occasion."
"And the fact that you excelled so much as first officer in my absence fills me with more pride than making the captain's chair ever will."
"We all have emotions La'an and sometimes our emotions make us do things that we wouldn't normally do."
"You're a good officer and a good captain and a good crew will always be there to pick you up when you falter, but they can't help you if they don't even know what to look for."
"Personal stuff is personal and you don't have to divulge anything you're not comfortable with, but there comes a point when the safety of your crewmates has to come first."
"I would never want anyone to get hurt because of me."
"I know that and even though he's only known you a short time Captain Pike knows that too."
"What happens when it's not Captain Pike?"
"What happens when it's someone who will just use that information against me?"
"Then fuck em."
"You're one of the most selfless people I've ever met and you feel so deeply."
"That's not a weakness La'an but there are people out there, even in Starfleet, who will try to take advantage of that."
"But and it's a big but, that's no reason to shirk your own duty and responsibility to the people you serve with."
"Especially on my ship," that got a small smile out of her.
"Okay?"
"Okay."
"I'll," she hesitated. "I'll try and be better next time."
At that Una pulled her into a hug.
"Listen to me," she said quietly. "I will never be disappointed in you just for being human."
She finally responded after several minutes of silence. "I was just so afraid of losing you, I got stupid."
Quickly she added, "And I know you'd say having emotions isn't being stupid, but that's what I was."
"I will do better next time."
"I take it another lecture on valuing your emotions wouldn't do you any good right now then."
That actually got a chuckle out of her, "It's so good to have you back."
"I'll always be here when you need me."
She's not sure how long they stayed like that, but it didn't really matter. The gym may have been the place she went to to find peace, but there was nowhere she felt safer than in Una's arms. Maybe serving together wouldn't be so bad. Maybe, for once in her life, everything was going to be alright.
How about that? First fic in two years and first fic that's not a rewrite of a previous fic in three. La'an and Una just grabbed ahold of me and wouldn't let me go. I doubt I'll ever get back to my previous output, considering I have a job now, but I do hope this is just the start of another burst of creativity that all but left me during Covid
