I imagine I'm not the first to write about an alternative version of Clannad. But I had an idea. One that I couldn't stop myself from writing. Basically, the idea is this. What if Nagisa's health was fine, but it was Tomoya's health that was weak? I was curious as to how that might go, but no one ever really explored that. So I decided, what the heck. I'll do it! Now it won't be the exact same as the anime or the manga, or even the visual novel. That would be boring. Instead, I'll be going down my own route. Please enjoy!

I hate this town. It's full of so many unwanted memories that I just wish I could forget. Everyday info to school, hang out with friends and then go to a home that I don't even want to go to. Will things ever change?


Coming up the sakura tree-lined path, I can't help but think about my past. And just how..tired I am of it all. What's the point in living this way, if nothing ever changes? Not only that but...I usually end up as a burden to everyone that I meet, without even meaning to. Up the path I go. How long has it been? School started about a month ago but...I wasn't able to attend for..personal reasons I guess you could say. But now I was attending my third year of high school...for the second time.

Hmm? Whose that? Standing there, just staring at the school, is a girl I've never met before. She seems worried, almost as though she might cry. I wonder what's bothering her. I decide to continue walking and see if she does anything. She closed her eyes and bent her head down a bit.

"Anpan!" She cried. What the..? This phrase alone seemed to have given her more confidence, and she looked back up, facing the school. "Do you like this school? I have to say, I like it very very much. But soon everything changes. Well, at least it does eventually." I don't think she's talking to me. Is she talking..to someone in her heart? "Fun things, happy things, they'll all...they'll all eventually change you know? But can you still, love this place?" I wasn't really sure what to say to her. Her problems weren't really any of my business. But..it's not like I could just leave her like this.

"Just go and find more." I found myself saying. She was startled and turned around to see me. Heh, she's kind of cute. "Just go and find more fun and happy things. It shouldn't be that hard." I encouraged. She didn't say anything back. I shook my head and turned back towards the school. "Well, let's get going." I encouraged as I walked down the hill. She quickly began to follow me. I never knew that would be the day that changed my life forever.

After school

After school, I usually go to visit my friend Youhei Sunohara. He's been my best friend for the last three years. I doubt I'll find someone else who would be willing to put up with me. When I walk in, it's chaos. Apparently, the idiot had been unreasonable with his music and was getting beat up for it by the jocks. Youhei lived in a boys dormitory for the school's athlete. He used to be a soccer player, back in his freshmen year. But after a fight, he had been suspended and lost his position on the soccer team. But his family lived too far from the school and he couldn't really afford to move anywhere else. So he was given permission to stay here for the time being. I often go to visit him after school.

After Sunohara got the crap beat out of him for the umpteenth time, the dorm mother, Misae Sagara came out to stop the jocks from being loud. Once they had scattered, Sunohara had me join him in his room. It felt more like home in here than it actually did at home. That was a bit sad, but that was the reality of it. I watched as Sunohara plopped down across from me at his small table. I teased him a bit as he complained about the stupid jocks always kicking him around. I didn't answer. Nothing more I could say at this point. All I could do was tease him about it. As we talked, I examined his features.

Sunohara really had a baby face. Which really emphasized the one year age difference. I was a year older then Sunohara. Because I had to repeat a grade. I had to repeat my senior year of high school.

When I was born, I had a rare condition that the doctors weren't able to explain. My body was significantly weaker than other peoples. I often got sick and took a long time to get well. My mother had the same disease, which is what killed her. When I was around four or so, my mother became very ill and had to go to the hospital. But this time, she didn't get better. She lingered for a few months before she died. I'll never forget that day. I was holding one of her hands as it stopped shaking and went limp. I feel terrible. I hardly even remember her face or what she sounded like. But I remember that the day she died, she had really been suffering

But now, I have the same condition that killed my mother. But...I don't really fear my death day. Not really. But it's not like I'm looking forward to it though. No one WANTS to die. Well...I don't at least. I guess you could say that I'm indifferent to it.

"Hey, Okazaki!" I snapped out of my thoughts and looked at Sunohara. He was looking over at me, worried. Ah, had I really been spaced out for that long? "Okazaki, are you feeling alright?" He asked.

"Yea, don't worry about me," I assured him. "Just stared spacing out is all. Nothing to worry about." He didn't seem convinced. This is what I meant when I said that I burden everyone. I tried to hide my illness from others, and when I was sick, I told others that I was just skipping class. That I couldn't be bothered to come. Which was believable enough. I had a bit of a reputation as a delinquent in this school. So no one questioned it. But Sunohara was the only one who knew about my illness. Because he saw how sick I could get.

It was last year when I was in my first senior year, and he was a junior. I remember I had been feeling sick all day but couldn't bring myself to go home. I hated being there. My father tries to take care of me but just makes me feel worse. He talks to me like I'm a stranger. So I couldn't stand staying there for so long and let him try to take care of me with his booze breathe and rough hands. So I managed to get through the school day without too much of a problem. And I went to Sunohara's place afterward to stay away from the house.

"Hey Okazaki, is something up?" Youhei asked. "You don't look so good." True to his word, Tomoya's face was just a bit pale, and he seemed distracted. Tomoya waved it off.

"Don't worry about it. I'm just a little tired is all." He said, still not looking Youhei in the eye. He glanced at the clock. "I think I'm gonna go." He sighed. No point in staying if Sunohara was going to get all worried about him. He stood, and wobbled nearly falling.

"Okazaki, maybe you should sit or something. You look really sick." Tomoya shook his head and slowly left the room, closing the door behind him. Youhei stood, ready to stop him. As he put his hand on the doorknob however, he heard a thud in the hallway. He threw the door open and looked down the hall. There lie his best friend, sprawled in the hallway.

"Okazaki!"

I'm not too sure what happened after that. But apparently, I had been dragged to Sunohara's dorm room by Sunohara himself. I do remember though, that after I woke up, I told him not to call my dad. To just let me stay here for a bit. He agreed, but in the morning, when I still hadn't gotten any better, he had no choice but to ask the dorm mother Misae to drive me to my house, seeing how my dad doesn't have a car. I was sick for a few days, but it felt like much longer. I hate that I was born like this and I hate the person I am.

Maybe someday things will change. But for now, I'm stuck in this never-ending cycle of pity and regret. A ride that won't slow down or let me off.

And it's slowly killing me.

So for the next chapter, I might just skip right to when they meet again, with Nagisa being all alone and Tomoya going to see her.