Had an idea, banged it out inbetween waves. Hope someone enjoys.
The skies over Falconreach were dark and foreboding. As it had for far, far longer than it should've, the eclipsed sun continued to loom over them, a brilliant golden ring around a disk of pitch black, casting his familiar hometown in an ominous red. All the while, undead roamed the streets and roads of Falconreach, each emitting a bloody glow as they shambled after the living denizens of their fair town.
All the same, Ash found it impossible to be intimidated by them as trailed after the Hero of Falconreach, clad once more in armor the color of drying blood alongside dark aviators and a flowing black cape, a dagger of blue crystal in one hand and a Destiny dagger with prismatic blades in the other, undead dying by the droves with her every step.
"I know that you probably have a good amount of Light and Dark resistance already but you really should have something to protect you, Ash. Doom Spikes."
As it turned out, being her guest at a war was less helping her in battle, more trying not to get splashed by her carnage as she slaughtered her way through swathes of undead. He hasn't had to raise his blade even once. The funny thing was, he wasn't even surprised by that fact. What he was surprised about was— "What do you mean?" he asked curiously. "I'm in my armor and I have my sword." And you're here, he doesn't bother saying.
"You know," Riese said, gesturing vaguely in his direction even as she sighted down another trio of skeletons. "Doom Spikes. A helmet. Or at least glasses. It's dangerous out here! Doom Spikes."
A slime collapsed into a pile of blood-colored gelatin as she whirled to face him, her hands on her hips, expression clearly expectant even with her dark glasses. "Well?"
"I…" Am in no danger, you keep killing them before I even notice they're around. Am very confused about what you mean. Am seriously starting to wonder if I'm ever going to have to raise my sword when you're a one-woman-murder-machine. "Don't have a helmet on me. Or glasses. What danger are you talking about here, anyway?"
She sputtered. "Isn't it obvious?! Doom Spikes." Dark spikes punched their way through a trio of undead and reached for the sky as she gestured upwards with the hand bearing the blue dagger. "The eclipse. Eclipse blindness is no joke! Doom Spikes."
She jabbed her Destiny dagger in the direction of a running undead as she spoke, black spikes erupting from under its feet and splattering it against the side of the pet store as he gaped. The eclipse? Eclipse blindness?! That's what this was about?!
"It's no joke, Ash," she repeated sternly as she took off her aviators with the hand bearing her blue dagger, the dagger held between her pinky and ring finger. "Here," she said, pressing the aviators into his gauntleted grip before he could even think to protest. The crystal blade of her Escelence dagger felt cold even through the leather of his glove. "I know you probably have a good amount of Light and Dark resistance already but better safe than sorry. Doom Spikes."
Three more undead crumbled into dust just as he opened his mouth to ask what she meant by Light or Dark resistance. She didn't even bother with looking at them. She just kept looking at him, clearly expectant. Perhaps it was the lighting, perhaps it was some side-effect of her ominous-looking armor, but her eyes seemed particularly bloodshot as she stared at him. Despite her actually being a little shorter than him now that she wasn't a Cryptic and not levitating, it was more than a little intimidating and definitely not a fight he wanted to pick, not after over a thousand rounds of seeing the carnage she could inflict.
"…It's hard to see in these." Though he had to admit, they felt kind of cool. Mysterious.
She smiled reassuringly at him. "I'm sure you can handle it. Between your Determination and the Princess' Light, I'm confident nothing can avoid a hit from you as long as you're Giving it All. And worse comes to worst, your Princess' Trust will see you through. Doom Spikes."
An enormous elemental sputtered into red embers as she beamed.
"You get me?"
"Uh…yes?" It felt like there was a lot of odd emphasis in her statement but he supposed it was all true. And it wasn't like he's actually needed to fight at all all war. "Thanks for letting me borrow these. Sorry you have to go without."
"Doom Spikes. No need," she said blithely as another trio of undead exploded before her, goggles with a faintly glowing visor now covering her eyes. "These'll do just as well for protection. I mean, they don't match the outfit but I don't really mind if it means you've got some protection on you, Ash. Doom Spikes."
Black spikes the size of trees impaled yet another trio of skeletons.
"Just make sure to return them, okay? I saw someone selling shades for Defender's Medals at town square and you should really get some of your own. I'll treat you, if you want."
Setting aside how weird it was that someone was apparently selling shades in exchange for proof of heroic accomplishments in wars, proof positive of one's status as a war veteran, he had to comment:
"You're really passionate about this aren't you?"
In the middle of casting another round of Doom Spikes, she sputtered. As she did, the slime splattered to the ground in a splash of viscous red.
"Eclipse blindness is seriously dangerous, Ash! It's not something you can shake off with just a potion and a good nap. Doom Spikes." A trio of undead collapsed into fragments of bone. "Solar retinopathy has no known treatment, at least none that doesn't involve a ton of expensive trips to a good healer. Even if you can afford it, prevention is pretty much always better than cure. Doom Spikes. " Dark spikes of Light energy pierced through a skeleton's sternum as if it were made of butter as she whirled to face him, eyes boring holes through his soul for all that they were obscured by her glowing visor. "Got it?!"
He almost took a step back before catching himself. He gave a jerky nod, the aviators bouncing off the bridge of his nose before he caught them and fixed them. "Got it. Eclipse blindness is dangerous." Satisfied, she took a step back and impaled another trio of skeletons with a cheerfully incanted 'Doom Spikes'. "…But the undead aren't?
"Eh." She looked disinterestedly at their surroundings. "If you're not used to undead invasions at this point, I'm not sure what planet you've been living on. Doom Spikes."
A trio of undead screamers suddenly found themselves impaled. She kicked a skull as it bounced by her feet, neatly catching the attention of the next mob, which she then impaled with an off-hand 'Doom Spikes'.
Suddenly, an explosion sounded out from the distance, making them both stumble. He has his sword half-drawn before the smell suddenly hits him.
"Is that…?"
"Catapults." Her eyes gleamed as took in a deep whiff of the scent of nitroglycerin in the air, like explosions, burning, and, weirdly enough, bananas. "Finally. Doom Spikes."
Undead collapsed into piles of bones as she looked at him, her smile reminiscent. "I love those things," she said fondly. "Don't you? Doom Spikes."
Skeletal remains clattered to the ground as the sound of explosions began to fill the air. "They're really useful," he had to admit. "…Dangerous, though." More than eclipses, he would've said.
Somehow, she heard it all the same. "If you haven't paid to catapult-proof your house after all this time, there's no saving you," she said. "But not everyone knows about the dangers of eclipse retinopathy. Doom Spikes."
"I guess," he said, taking care not to step on the remains of the slime she just killed. "But I could do without the smell."
She laughed. "You know, I don't mind it. The smell reminds of Adri when he was young. Blood Rite. "
The top half of a gigantic slime slid slowly off from where it had been bisected by her slash before the entire thing just collapsed into a pile of bloody gelatin and stained bones.
"I know it sounds weird but you get to miss even the smelly parts of caring for a kid once they've grown," she said, shaking off the sludge from her crystal blade. "Just a little, anyway. Doom Spikes."
Another enormous elemental exploded into cinders as she peered over its shoulder and into the oncoming hordes.
"This war won't last much longer," she said, sounding rather satisfied as she twirled both daggers over and around her wrists before pulling out a long black sword from apparently nowhere, one that crackled with orange lightning. "Just in time, too. My cookie dough should be perfectly chilled by now. Doom Spikes."
As much as the thought of her baking cookies excited him (she made the best cookies), he can't help but stop at the thought. Just as a trio of undead stopped being undead to become dead-dead. "Did you seriously start a batch of cookies today?" he had to ask. "In the middle of a war?"
"We all need motivation," she said sagely. "Besides, it's all just a matter of knowing your priorities," she said, adjusting her visor with one hand and pointing to another pack of undead with the other. "Doom Spikes."
Well. He couldn't disagree with that.
end
Been too busy to really war (1001, what is this, 2009?) but I hope this is amusing to someone. All feedback's appreciated and all that.
