"If a woman will have a man as her own? Then a man shall stay and be hers, for his heart soars at the notion. If not, then she will need to tell him. However she needs to know, before her decision, that a man's father disagrees with his chosen woman. A man's father has levied a threat upon him."
Arya felt as her heart soared with Jaqen's confession before it promptly dropped into her ass. The fact that he had reverted back to his old way of speaking with her, was enough to let her know that something was terribly wrong. His father? His father already knew about them? But how!? And moreover, he disagreed with their pairing? Why!? So many questions raced through her mind, questions that seemed Jaqen could read in her eyes. Because he slipped back up her body to place a kiss to her forehead, before he gripped her hips and rolled them, so that she was now straddling him. Letting his hands rest on her hips, he began to speak.
"A man's true name is Jaqen H'Ghar. The face he wears is his true face. He was birthed in Lorath as the youngest of three children, born to Astor and Milena H'Ghar. His family left Lorath for Braavos as his father was to take up work at the Sea King's palace." He began to explain and Arya could tell that this time, everything was very different.
She had learned to pick up when Jaqen was lying because of the many times that they had played the Game of Faces. And this explanation was, so far, holding no lies. He was opening up to her and she couldn't help but feel honoured that he was sharing these things with her. But she also wasn't missing how much this was getting under his skin. He was upset about something, but she didn't think that it had to do with the fact that he now felt the need to tear down the shadows that he kept himself shrouded with.
As she looked down at him while he was gathering his thoughts before he continued to speak, she couldn't help but to appreciate the beauty of him in the mid-morning sun, streaming through the windows. His hair shone in a blend of ruby and blood from the mix of shadow and light that played across him. His eyes, normally a steel blue, appeared closer to the colour of the sky as the sun lit them. His angular features, dusted with the shadow of his facial hair, made her want to follow the line of his jaw with her lips, while her fingers followed the path of his cheekbones and brow. His body, as she now knew, was lithe and well muscled although not ridiculously so. He was more toned and defined, than bulked like Gendry had been. But as much as Gendry had been handsome, she much preferred Jaqen and his features and form. She could hide herself within his arms, without feeling like she was being utterly dwarfed and suffocated like she had with Gendry. Also with Jaqen, she felt much more protected and not just because he was lethal in more ways than one. Not that she needed protection, oh no, she was more than capable of protecting herself. But she was a woman and although she stood on her own two feet and fought her own battles unflinchingly and to the bitter end? It was still nice to let everything drop for once and allow someone else to do the protecting.
But more than all of that, what really set both men apart? Was how she felt with them. When Jaqen told her that he would protect her? She absolutely, without a shadow of a doubt, believed him. When he told her that she could absolutely trust him with her life? She did not treat it with a grain of salt, she whole-heartedly accepted it as pure fact. And when it came to being in bed? Well, needless to say, he could keep her within it all day and all night and she would not try and escape him. Another important thing that she needed to note for herself also, was that when they finally fell asleep last night? She had fallen dead asleep. She hadn't done that in years.
Her time on the run and then Jaqen's training at the temple, had ensured that she would always sleep light and never deeply. But last night she had not only slept like a rock? She had slept way later than she had for a very long time. The reason for this, she realised, was because with Jaqen at her side? She felt like she could sleep that way and know that she was utterly safe and protected because he wouldn't let anything harm her. She had never felt any of these things with Gendry. Rather she felt like she needed to stay alert because he was snoring within moments of closing his eyes.
She also thought of his promises of safety and protection, much like a mother would with a small son. 'Yes, yes dear. Mummy believes you. You're such a strong boy, aren't you?' When Gendry had held her close? She had been looking to scramble out of his arms as fast as absolutely possible. Because she felt restrained and suffocated, which activated her fight or flight response and truthfully, she had hated being in his arms, but she had never allowed it to show because honestly? He had been such a sweet man. But he was just…not for her. He never would have been. Not that it mattered now, because last she had heard when he'd written to her a few weeks ago, he had found a lovely woman and they were settling down and getting married. She had felt nothing but happiness for him and also a little relief as well. She'd always had a small fear that he would try to pursue her again, so to hear he was binding himself to another had been like a refreshing rain shower.
But in all of this revelation, Jaqen's question remained. 'If a woman will have a man as her own?' Did she want him for her own? She was so used to being and living on her own, did she even want a man about her, now? No. She didn't.
Lies.
The whisper of her mind spoke and Arya tried to deny the voice. She tried desperately because she was so absolutely sure of herself. But still that voice pushed on.
It is a lie because the truth is simple. You don't want any other man, if you cannot have this one.
And the more the voice, one she now suspected to be her heart speaking through her thoughts, repeated those words back to her. The more Arya felt the truth of them pervade her body right down to her soul. Gods but it was right. She knew it was right. But she had been forced to fend for herself for so damned long now, that it had become her normal. She had been thinking that she didn't need anyone else as long as she had herself. But the truth of it all was simple. She only had herself because after she left Braavos the first time? She had not sought to find anyone to share herself or her burdens with.
She had gotten so used to living life with only herself to rely on, that she had forgotten what it was like to have someone else there. For so long she had done this that at some point her mind had twisted her to thinking that other people were unnecessary and that in the end everyone will leave you and you'll be alone again. Everyone will eventually betray you, it's not a question of if, it is always a question of when. But she had forgotten, somewhere along the way, that true friends or lovers would sooner die than turn their backs on you in your hour of need. And truly, when had Jaqen ever turned against her?
When had he ever betrayed her? When had he ever let her down? When had he ever lied to her? Even her own family had lied to her and at one point, almost turned against her. If she had asked herself these questions about Jaqen, even a few weeks ago, she would have said 'he lies about his name and his face.' She would have also said 'he betrayed me when he took my sight' and she would have pointed out that he had let her down, when he had allowed her to leave the House of Black and White. But now? She knew that was all wrong.
He took her sight, because she had wrongfully taken a life that wasn't hers to take. And to save her from a worse punishment at the hands of others, he had taken charge of her discipline. But even when blind, he had not left her alone. He had always been close in case she got into trouble. He hadn't let her down when he let her leave the temple. He had simply given her her rightful freedom. She had wanted to leave and so he had not stood in her way because he had refused to impose on her right to choose what she did with her life. And now, she knew that he had not lied about his face or name.
He had chosen to be truthful with her, even though it went against Faceless Men etiquette and tradition. In truth, Jaqen was the only one who had ever been straight with her. He was the only one who had ever truly had her back when she needed it most, her father and mother notwithstanding. When everyone had left her to fend for herself, he had come to pick her up and shelter her. He had taught her how to properly protect herself and he had given her the tools to see her revenge through and bring herself the closure that she had so desperately needed. Closure that he, a complete stranger, had identified and understood when her own family members had not. He had seen that she was lost and in need of help, and so he had helped her.
In all things, from the moment they had met in Harrenhal, Jaqen had been her one true constant. The one that had always been on her side, her true North so to speak. So, do you want him as yours? Her mind whispered. Do you want to be his true North, as well? And before the whispers had even faded she had answered. Yes. This realisation had thrown her off completely, but she would not fight it. He was here now and so was she and now that she knew what she wanted? She wasn't going to deny herself. Jaqen had something more important to say to her, she knew it, based on his first words regarding his father. But at that moment, she did not want to speak with him. She only wanted to exist with him. To feel and to be.
Leaning down, she took his handsome face into her hands and gently turned his head so that he was looking at her. She smiled down at him then before she stole his lips in a full, deep kiss. It had surprised him, she could tell but he did not deny her, rather he did much the opposite. She felt weightless for a moment, before she was on her back once more and he was nestled between her legs. She could feel his need pressing against her, but he did not make a move to use it. Rather he returned her kiss and it was truly one that she would remember for the rest of her days.
Long, slow and filled with burning passion, it screamed a thousand things that she could not, as yet, distinguish. But she didn't think too much about this, as her fingers found their way into his long, soft hair and her legs came up to wrap around his waist. She needed him close right now, so, so close. She did not need to have him inside of her (although she very much wanted it) she just needed to feel him. Jaqen was more than happy to oblige, as one of his hands found its way to the back of her thigh, where he squeezed firmly, pinning her leg against his waist and his other made its way into her hair to tangle in her dark locks also. Both released pleasured but quiet moans against one another's lips as the kiss deepened further.
There was so much being said between them right now, but Arya could not translate the meanings not at the moment. But she was sure that, during a quiet moment, in the not so distant future she would think back to this moment and know exactly what their bodies said to each other. But until then she sank into the bed below them and sighed contentedly at the wonderful feeling of his weight as he settled and relaxed against her. But eventually all good things came to an end and so to, did this. When Jaqen pulled away from her, he did so with resignation. It was obvious he hadn't wanted to but knew he needed to. If not, it would go further and they'd become too distracted for anything else.
"Once a man's family settled in Braavos. Soon, his father saved another from drowning. A yellow-haired man had been injured and a man's father had pulled him from the sea. Once nursed back to health, the yellow haired man presented the father with a coin of iron. A death was owed. The father was to speak a name and the yellow haired man would do the rest. A woman knows the tale, for she lived it herself." Jaqen explained after some time spent gathering his thoughts, as his thumb rubbed against her cheek softly.
She wanted to tell him to stop talking. That he didn't need to share all of this with her. All he needed to do was tell her only what she absolutely had to know and what trouble they were to face. She could see how opening up like this was making Jaqen uncomfortable. But for some unknown reason, he was pushing himself to continue. And so she kept her mouth closed and instead, brought his hand up to press it against her cheek fully. Leaning into his hand in an action of comfort, she watched as he took a breath and then continued his story.
"Much like a woman, this man's father found his way to the House of Black and White. Also like a woman, this man's father joined their ranks. The father climbed high within the house until he sat amongst the leaders. From there this man and his two older siblings were raised in the house and trained from young ages to join the faceless. One sibling, an eldest brother, deserted as soon as he reached his twenty-first year of life, never to be heard from again. The middle sibling, a sister, died at the hands of a jealous lover. And the youngest, this man, stayed. Although he tried to leave many times."
Arya felt her heart break as she listened to this part of Jaqens tale. It seemed a curse had befell the family of H'Ghar and it seemed to all stem from the House of Black and White. Presumably, until his father joined the order, they had been a perfectly normal and functioning family. But since then, they had lost their eldest and their only girl. She did not know what had happened to Jaqen's mother, but she could only assume that she had also died. This she surmised given he had told her what befell everyone else except his mother. In fact, other than to give her name at the beginning, he had not mentioned her since.
"You say you wanted to leave and had tried many times, but you still haven't? Why is that?" She asked curiously, making sure to keep her tone soft with consideration and respect.
He was already having a difficult time explaining himself, so she did not want to make him feel more uncomfortable than he did already. At this question, Jaqen sighed heavily before he took her hand and placed a lingering kiss to the palm of it. Then lifting himself off her, he rolled over onto his back so that he was once again lying beside her. His hand reached out and gently tugged a lock of her hair towards him. Reading his non-verbal request for what it was, she moved so that she could tuck herself into his side and rest her head on his chest above his heart. Once his arm had settled around her tightly, he sighed wearily and then tucked his other arm beneath his head. Once comfortable, his fingers again playing in her hair absently, he answered her question.
"A man's father would not allow him to do so. Thus both father and son struck an agreement. This man would stay with the House until the death of his father, provided his father did not interfere in his private or intimate affairs beyond the House and the order. This was as it was for many years. Until now." Jaqen paused again, before turning his head and placing a kiss to the top of her head.
It seemed, to Arya, that in many ways Jaqen was incredibly affectionate. She had lost count so far, of how many times he had touched her softly, or kissed her sweetly. It seemed that he enjoyed physical touch and that he enjoyed it a lot. Testing her theory, she began to lazily pepper feather-light kisses all over his chest, while letting the fingers of her free hand draw slow circles on his hip. She watched, through her lashes, as his eyes fluttered closed and he began to relax and sink into the moment. It also seemed that it helped him speak easier, as his words came smoother and his tone was much more calm than previously.
"This has now changed, because a man's father is disapproving of his choice of woman. Due to a woman, not only being a deserter of the order, but also for taking the life of the father's granddaughter. This man's older sister's child. The one a woman knows as the waif. This man holds no grudge with a woman for this, for he understands what happened and why it happened. It was also as the waif had wished. However, a man's father cannot accept this thing and so he holds it against a woman." Jaqen added and Arya felt the revelation slam into her, as though she had been kicked in the chest by a horse.
Dear gods! The waif had been Jaqen's niece!? And she had killed her! Then displayed her face in the hall of faces in a most gruesome way, while describing what she'd done, so callously, to him! While also holding needle against his heart!? No wonder he had seemed shaken and almost speechless! He had just been told that she'd killed his niece and then had her face paraded in front of him like some grisly trophy. Gods above!? How the hell could he even bear to look at her now? Nevermind share her bed so easily and freely!? And still he wanted to remain with her!? Still he wanted to be hers and have her be his? How could he even remotely hold any softness for her after what she'd done to him and his family? But before she could ask him these questions, he spoke again, finishing his story and explaining where they now were.
"He has threatened a man and his woman. The father states death will come for the woman, should a man not turn his back and leave her behind. A man will not do this thing at the threat of someone else. A man will stay by a woman's side, for that is where he feels he belongs and where he wants to be. As long as she also wants him."
Arya didn't know what to say or how to feel as this revelation was made. Why was he so hellbent on being with her? She was incredibly flattered and happy with the news, but she couldn't understand why. What was it about her and them that made him want to not only forgive her for her part in his niece's death, but to also turn against his father? Just how did he feel about her, that he would be willing to risk everything just to be with her in this way? What had changed for him, from when she had been his student, to now? And why was she ready to also take on whatever was due to come their way, if it meant she could have him also? She didn't know what love was, she didn't know how it felt as she had yet to experience it. But was this what was between them now?
She could only assume that it was possible, but her only basis of comparison was from the stories her sister Sansa had read, which she in turn had read to Arya when she was little. Before Arya had grown a bit and swore off all things 'girly and fanciful'. But all of those books had a common theme, when in love you did everything you could to be with another person. You wanted to spend your life with them, you wanted to take down anything that threatened them. A woman in love wanted to marry and have children, with the one she loved. Did she want that with Jaqen?
As she looked at him and listened to his heart beating steadily in his chest, she found that she quite possibly did. But she was unsure of this. At any rate she knew that the notion wasn't terribly far-fetched for her. If she took a moment, she could see, although vaguely at the moment, herself as his wife. She could also faintly see herself pregnant, while he walked with her, their eldest riding on his shoulders, laughing as their father playfully tickled their side. It wasn't a terribly strong image at the moment and it did flicker like the weakened flame from a candle in the wind. But it was at least there in her mind. So did that mean that she was, if not fully in love with him yet, that she was definitely on her way? She didn't know. But what she did know was that she absolutely did not want to lose him or see him hurt. And so, she would see to it that he wouldn't be.
"Jaqen…" Arya began and waited until he was focused on her again. "Are you sure you want to do this? I don't want to be the cause of you losing the last of your family. Family is family, regardless of how shit they may be. They're still important." She added, sitting up and moving so that she was straddling him again. As much as she wanted to tell him that she wanted him too, she knew she couldn't do the selfish thing. She had to at least give him an opportunity to rethink everything.
"A man has been ready for a while, to create one of his own and to live his own life. A man's father refuses him for selfish reasons, and so a man's loyalty changes. A man will always be an assassin, but he can choose to not use those skills and focus on his other talents. But not while another holds him back. A man has a right to find his own love without the need of a fathers permission." He replied, his hand coming up from where it had rested on her thigh, to brush a knuckle down her nose playfully and cutely, making Arya chuckle despite herself.
"And what are a man's other talents that he speaks off? A woman is curious." She asked teasingly before holding her long hair back and leaning down to rub her nose against his, making him smile. Before his hands danced up her arm absently as he answered.
"Oh he has many. But a woman will have to answer a man's initial question, if she wishes to find out." He said, his hand slipping over her shoulder to slide slowly down her bare back his touch feather-light, causing goosebumps to erupt across her skin.
"Is a man sure that she is what he wants? Is he sure that she is worth everything he will be sacrificing to be with her? They may even need to leave Braavos in order to stay safe." She asked him, interspersing each of her questions with a kiss to his chest, his neck or his lips.
As she moved to pull away from his lips on her last statement, Jaqen captured her lip between his teeth. This naturally stopped her movement so that he could kiss her once again. Although a short one, it was no less heated than his others of late, but it was over too soon as he replied.
"A man quite enjoys the lands of Lorath, but that would be too obvious to a man's father. So the Summer Isles are also agreeable to him. A man is also sure that a woman is who he wants and finds her to be more than worthy of sacrifices he shall make." Jaqen finally said, after his light-hearted teasing of her.
Arya knew then that she wanted to stay with this man regardless of what they would face. She still didn't know if they would be forever. But she knew she wanted to find out if they could be. She was very much willing to stay with him for the rest of her life, if that was what was destined for them. But she wasn't going to kid herself into thinking that their first few years were going to be easy. Because they weren't.
For right now, they had Jaqen's father and the faceless men to worry about. They needed time to prepare for that fight and they wouldn't get it if they stayed in Braavos. And Jaqen's suggestion of the Summer Isles was a very good one. They were far enough away that it would take them a while to be found, even for the faceless. She could run a smithing business out there if she needed to, or to indeed work for a blacksmith. The Summer Isles were known for their weapon making and she was interested in learning their ways. Jaqen would also find a place there for his particular set of talents, if all else failed, so they would be fine for a little while. But they needed to leave and they needed to do it sooner, rather than later. Tonight if it was possible. She needed to prepare the forge for her departure but she had the perfect candidate in mind to take that over.
Once they dealt with Jaqen's father and the order, they still wouldn't necessarily get a break. Because although she was free to do as she wished? She was still a Princess and that meant her sister and brother could prevent her from getting married, if they took it into their heads. And she and Jaqen decided that was what they would do. And on the other side of that, if her siblings needed to? They could force her to marry someone else, in order to build alliances with other kingdoms. But those bridges could be crossed if they needed to cross them. It wasn't going to be easy and they had a long road ahead of them in order to be together, but she was damned if she wouldn't try. Because deep down? Arya knew that Jaqen was also worth the sacrifices that she may need to make, no matter what those sacrifices would be. He was worth it and more.
"Then a woman is content to sacrifice her body, her name and her life in return, to give the man all that he wishes for. For she is a little selfish and wants the man for herself, regardless of what they may have to face, in order to be together." She said, finally answering the question he had asked earlier.
And as she spoke the words, she knew they were true and so did Jaqen. His eyes lit up in happiness at this and something else that was truly a promise of something dark but divine and delicious.
"So, the summer isles then?" He asked, his hands reaching for her hips and gripping firmly, almost possessively.
"So it shall be done." She replied simply, smirking at him from her place at his side. And before she could say or do anything more, she was on her back once again as Jaqen hovered over her. His smile was downright lascivious as he looked down at her.
"Then a man shall show a woman one of his…particularly special talents. Do try and not let the whole of Braavos hear you, lovely girl. You will only make all of the women jealous of you and all the men envious of me." He said seductively, his tone tinged with a delicious intensity before he disappeared below the sheets.
Oh Seven Hells! Arya thought, reflexively gripping the edges of her pillow and arching her back, when he finally reached his destination. She was going to die. She just knew it. She would die because this man would kill her! But oh would it be a blissful end indeed!
-X-
