CHAPTER 11: Flaming Telepaths

2185 CE

'Shepard, what have I always told you about space stations?' I asked as my favorite Human stumbled back into the ship with Kaidan and Miranda in tow.

Those two seem to be getting along oddly well for, you know, Kaidan and a Cerberus Operative. I'm pretty sure I caught Miranda looking through his medical records. There was something about Miranda and her relationships that's tickling at the back of my mind. Did she have a taste for biotic men? No, that wasn't it...

'Nothing?' Shepard replied, clearly grateful for my sage wisdom and advice.

'What did I tell you about space stations last night then?' I rephrase, doing my best to convey my amusement vocally.

'If you're going to wreck a space station, make sure you're on the outside first?' Shepard asked rather than stated.

I point out the cockpit window. 'What is that?'

'A wrecked space station?' Shepard admitted, a hint of nervousness in her voice.

'And where were you when it was being wrecked?'

'Inside.' Shepard admitted sheepishly.

'I'm not mad, Shepard. I'm just disappointed. I don't understand why you insist on learning these lessons the hard way, Shepard. After I take time out of my busy schedule to distill over two millennia of experience and knowledge for you to learn from!' I teased.

'Hey, shellshock. I was the one wrecking the space station.' Jack pipes up, clearly done with my bullshit.

'Huh. No Armor. Bold choice.' I observe.

'I don't need armor if I can shove you and all your Cerberus asses through the hull plating and out into space.' Jack replies full of anxious bravado masking itself as actual confidence.

'Please don't do that. Some of us still need to breathe.' Kaidan pleads.

He's right too. Krogan can survive the vacuum of space unaided for a few minutes. But if you're unaided in the vacuum of space you're usually going to be there for more than a few minutes. I can tell you from personal experience that it's a terribly brutal way to die. Don't recommend it.

'I like this new kid you got, Shepard. Got some real trust issues. I can relate.' I grinned.

'You can fuck off, old man.' Jack replied.

I snorted and turned around.

'I'll go warn Garrus and the doc about her. Wrecked a whole space station at the age of what, 20? Precocious. I didn't do that till I hit a thousand.' I laughed.

'Fuck you too old man!' came the reply as I made my way to the elevator.

Ah, children. Is there any greater joy in this world?

Definitely.

Kids are a pain in the ass.

2185 CE

Garrus wasn't in the main battery. I had wanted to check in and see how he was liking the Pathfinder Observer. He'd just come back from a mission with Shepard and the rifle on Daratar so I wanted to see how it performed and get any feedback he could give me to forward to the Andromeda Initiative before they headed off.

Of course, Garrus wasn't where I expected him to be.

'EDI, where's Garrus?' I asked the nearest terminal.

'Garrus Vakarian is currently with Pilot Moreau in the cockpit.' EDI replied.

'Huh. Thanks.' I replied before heading to the elevator to catch him.

'--a whole military facility. No one's talking about it either. You have any idea what the Asari were even doing there?' Joker asked Garrus when I finally made it up to the cockpit to check on him.

'Hard to tell. Asari are secretive about their military preparations. Not as secretive as Salarians, but still secretive. An attack on a secret military base on Thessia? Could be anything from a new prototype mass effect drive exploding to a weapons test being much more effective than expected. It's probably not an attack, not on Thessia. There hasn't been an attack on Thessia since the Krogan rebellions, but without knowing more we just can't say.' Garrus explained as I walked down the corridor.

'An attack on Thessia? It's not my fault this time! I have an alibi!' I joke.

'Huh?' Joker asked.

EDI saved me from having to clarify. 'Professor Krell was the last known hostile to successfully attack a target on Thessia with the burning of the Viruvia Monastery in 705 CE.'

'You sacked a monastery? Wait, 705... that's before the Vikings did it!' Joker realized.

'About 90 years, give or take.' I agreed.

I paused.

'Also, the Asari can certainly call it a monastery, but I know a pleasure palace when I see one. Think less celibate nuns and more the Asari Confessions series.' I clarify.

'You watch Asari Confessions? I guess even ancient Krogan badasses love Asari.' Joker asked, amused.

'I know the series by reputation, not personal experience, Joker. Events have... soured me on Asari.' I admitted.

'Your wife?' Garrus asked.

'My ex.' I clarified.

'Well, at the risk of interrupting this sudden heavy mood that just feel over my cockpit, what brings you up here, Krell? More mysterious warnings? More jokes? Is it time for another movie night?' Joker asked.

'None of the above.' I smiled as Joker breathed a sigh of relief.

'I'm just here to ask how Garrus liked the new sniper rifle I got him as a 'sorry I made you more handsome' present.' I admitted.

'You called it a get well present, Krell.' Garrus asked, suspicious.

'That's a distinction with no difference, Garrus.' I lectured.

Garrus rolled his eyes.

'The rifle is fine. Honestly, it's probably giving me too much data right now. I'll need to fiddle with the settings to reduce that because it's a bit distracting. Also, the heat sink ejection is fine, but the heat sink loading mechanism tends to stick a little and requires a bit more force than it should. Nothing a Krogan wouldn't use as a baseline, but for a Turian or Human? It's a bit of a problem. Otherwise I like it. Properly calibrated it hits like a dream. We had to fight these YMIR mechs on the last mission. Took down the shields in one clip with some added damage to the armor beneath.' Garrus assessed.

'Good to hear. I'll send the feedback back to the Initiative, and see if I can't fix the issue with the heat sink loading in the Armory here.' I decided.

'The Initiative? Are you working for some super secret government conspiracy now, Krell?' Joker asked.

'Joker, I am the super secret government conspiracy. The Initiative is just the Andromeda Initiative. The Alliance and the Council want to make sure that if we lose, there will still be Humans and Asari and such surviving out in another Galaxy. I'm pretty sure it advertises over the vids. There's nothing secret about it except for the motives for launching it this year.' I explain.

'Huh. Well, nice to know that there's a backup plan in case we all lose. You think I should tell my family to go apply? Joker asked.

I frowned. Something about Joker mentioning his family...

I had a bad feeling.

'Yes. Absolutely. Right now. I'll pull some strings if you need to get them there. Andromeda's not without problems, but... There's something happening to your family here and I can't remember what it will be, but I have this gnawing feeling in the pit of my stomach and given what we know about the collectors...' I admit.

Joker's eyes widen. 'That bad?'

'I didn't feel this worried about Sovereign, Joker. Getting the hell out of the galaxy feels like a very proportional response.' I admit.

'Well, as far as ominous predictions go, that's definitely the worst you've made so far. Congratulations. Now, if you both can leave my cockpit... I have a call I need to make.' Joker decided.

I nodded. Now wasn't the time for Jokes. I'd send the request to fast track the Moreau family along with the feedback from Garrus. I wish I could remember what was wrong. You'd think something this worrying would be big enough for me to remember.

2185 CE

'What's that?' Shepard asked as I tie my fancy monocle and attached top hat/power supply onto by head with a chin strap.

'Indoctrination sensor. Used it briefly for a fancy party last year and never actually built a more general purpose one. I can tell you none of the crew is reading as indoctrinated but I want to calibrate the sensors against someone who is to make sure that I don't wind up with any false negatives before I build the functionality into my helmet.' I explained

'Someone you know is Indoctrinated?' Garrus asked.

'Rana Thanoptis. The Asari from Saren's lab on Virmire. The one that definitely wasn't working on his Genophage cure. She's popped up helping Okeer with his own personal crusade against the Genophage. Suspicious, right?' I observe.

'That's not how you know though, is it?' Shepard asked.

'It's not.' I confirmed.

The actual mission wasn't that hard. Mostly just wandering along a pretty easily laid out path until we reached the first Tank Grown Krogan who wasn't actively hostile.

'Nakmor Krell. I know you.'

'Not personally.' I replied.

'The tube. You were in the knowledge that the tube gave me. Warlord Krell. A failure.' The tank born stated. I narrowed my eyes. That was just like Okeer; telling lies about me to people who didn't know any better.

'Well, this Okeer sounds like he's going to be real fun to work with!' Garrus interjected.

'A failure, huh? That jerk. I'm shooting Okeer if I get the chance, Shepard. Just thought you should know.' I decide.

'Krell, you do know this is a recruitment mission, right?' Shepard confirmed.

'I know exactly who we're here to recruit Shepard, don't worry about that.' I replied, smugly and with underlying menace.

Honestly, it's not like I didn't mention Grunt to her. Humans are so forgetful.

The conversation continued pretty civilly after that, with the Tank Bred musing about philosophy. Not any based on my works; Okeer was not a fan. Probably went through the trouble of hunting down other Krogan philosophers who weren't me specifically to annoy me, I bet. That jerk.

Shepard said something or other, and the tank bred moved a large metal plate so we could continue on.

With that we entered the research base, following a route that Shepard seemed to easily discern but which I definitely wouldn't have been able to find without a GPS of some sort all the way to Rana Thanoptis.

My laser monocle turned red as I focused on her.

'It works! Normandy crew's got a clean bill of health, Reaper-wise!' I trumpeted.

'Shepard! Don't shoot, you know me!' She calls out, hands raised.

I raise my assault rifle to take her out but Shepard places her hand on the top and gently pushes it down so that it's aimed at the ground before engaging Thanoptis in conversation.

'-- He wants to help his people but he's not looking for a Genophage cure and he's not going for numbers. That's all I know.' Thanoptis finished explaining.

'So, you made the mental imprint for his tank bred?' I ask, suddenly annoyed at the woman for reasons beyond her indoctrination.

'I did! I coded the methods for education, but Okeer filled in the actual coursework and background.' the Asari replied.

I frowned. Thanoptis wasn't responsible to leaving my books out of Grunt's education after all.

'Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to run like hell before you blow the place or something. I know how you work.' Thanoptis proclaimed before turning her back and heading for the door we came in. Shepard removed her hand from my gun. In an instant my NK-47 was up and a bullet was emerging from the front of Thanoptis' head. Along with most of Thanoptis' indoctrinated brain.

'That sucked.' Garrus weighed in after a few second of silence.

'Had to be done.' I agreed.

'Let's just get to Okeer.' Shepard decided.

I nodded, and we continued on into the lab.

'Nakmor Drell. And your sidekick, the formerly-deceased Commander Shepard. I should have expected you would sully your hands to interfere with my great work.' Okeer pronounced.

'I'm only here because you tricked some Humans into thinking you were competent, Okeer. We both know you better than that, you stagnant pool of varren piss.' I fired back.

'Recruitment mission!" Shepard chided at me for no apparent reason.

'Hear that Shepard? You're the sidekick.' Garrus chimed in.

'Okeer knows what he is, my telling him isn't going to come as a surprise unless he's even more of an idiot that he's already proven himself to be.' I replied. Okeer glared at me, but didn't challenge me. We both knew how that would end up working out for him.

'You know my name?' Shepard asked, desperately trying to change the subject for whatever reason.

'Surprised? All Krogan should know you. I'm sure Rana has already revisited your actions on Virmire.' Okeer replied. Taking Shepard's offer for the life line that it was.

'I didn't have a lot of room for finesse. If there'd been any other solution, I'd have considered it.' Shepard defended.

'But I approve. Saren's pale horde were not true Krogan. Numbers alone are nothing. The mistake of an outsider, one that these mercenaries have also made.' Okeer bragged.

'I don't disagree with you in principle...' I hedged. Okeer's fucking social darwinism again. It was nonsense. Stupid Humans for introducing him to it. He was much more tolerable a century ago.

'I gave their leader my rejects for her army. But she grows impatient. It's time for you to take me out of here.' Okeer demanded like a whining child.

'Tell us what you know about the Collectors, and we'll do you the favor of digging you out of the shortsighted mess you've made of yourself by neglecting to obtain your own shuttle for transit out.' I agreed, taking unfathomable joy in the fact that I'd never have to fulfill that bargain and that it would be the idiot's own fault.

'Hah! You're one to talk! I hear you lost your shuttle lending it out to a Human, Krell. They can't even manage to fight off the Turians without help. How can you expect them to understand the proper use of military equipment?' Okeer shot back.

'The Humans would have been just fine without me, Okeer. Which you would know if you'd deigned to study any history beyond the 20th century.' I mocked.

Sadly, Shepard interrupted our quarrel before it could come to blows. 'Can we get back to the collectors?'

'The Collectors? Yes, Collector attacks have increased. A Human concern. My requests were focused elsewhere.' Okeer dismissed.

The pompous idiot motioned to the growth tank filled with an adolescent Krogan inside; Grunt. His armor was different than the game. Red, with blue pauldrons and boots, and a blue circle over the glowing white power supply in his chest. I snorted. It figures that idiot would find a way to inflict his obsession on the one good thing he accomplished in his life.

'I acquired the knowledge to create one pure soldier. With that, I will inflict upon the Genophage the greatest insult an enemy can suffer. To be ignored.' Okeer gloated.

Okeer spoke at length about his social darminist bullship philosophy. How he sacrificed many Krogan to the Collectors, how he aspired to ignore the Genophage and focus on Krogan excellence instead.

At least until he was interrupted by Jedore's attempt to kill his prototype. Honestly, if she weren't a homicidal maniac trying to kill us all, I would have spared her life for saving me from having to listen to one more second of that damn moronic blowhard

'Jedore will be with the rejected tanks. Kill her. I will... stay and do what must be done.' Okeer finally decided.

The fight was honestly a bit disappointing. Garrus was enjoying himself, and Shepard was zipping around the battle field in purple flashes, but it just wasn't as fun for me as either of them. A boring battle where my enemies died as soon as I set my sights on them. I know I shouldn't complain; a boring battle is a safe battle after all, but honestly? This battle wasn't even memorable.

When we returned the idiot was on the floor, dead. A message playing on the screen in front of him telling us absolutely nothing.

'My legacy is pure. This... one soldier, this grunt. Perfect.'

'Perfect nonsense.' I commented before shooting Okeer in the face to make sure he was dead.

'Why would someone so fanatical sacrifice himself for one Krogan?' Garrus wondered.

'Are you looking for a serious answer?' I asked. I knew the answer of course. It was that social darwinist nonsense the Humans polluted his brain with. Well, that and his other obsession. That one was less loathsome at least.

'Is there one that's not serious?' Garrus asked.

'There's one that's both.' I replied.

'And one that's just serious?' Garrus asked.

'Only one answer I'm afraid.' I smiled.

'I'm going to regret this, aren't I?' Garrus realized.

'Almost certainly.' I agreed.

'Alright, lay it on me.' Garrus braced himself.

'So, the first thing you need to know about Okeer is that he actually does have a doctorate. He studied on Earth about 20 years ago. One of the first Krogan to do so, after me of course. I got a 7 year lead in that respect. He was a complete dick, by the way. Kept telling people I wasn't a real scientist because I was studying useless things like history and human philosophy instead of something useful like genetics. Completely ignoring that I'm probably the greatest Krogan physicist in the universe. Okeer certainly wasn't anything near my equal, anyway. He kept popping up at conferences I was at just to try to ineffectually debate me with his own social Darwinist bullshit. He's just the worst.' I shoot Okeer in the head once more, to emphasize my point and maybe, just maybe, to let out a little bit of the frustration that Okeer's mere existence ignites in me.

This really was a wonderful mission. I'll have to thank Shepard for letting me be here for the idiot's death. A cake maybe? I'll think of something.

'I'm not following, how did that lead to this?' Garrus interrupted my thoughts.

'I'm getting there. Have you ever read any Human comic books?' I asked.

'Comic books? I haven't even heard of them. What are they?' Garrus asked.

'Not important. What is important is that Okeer needed both a major in science and a minor in something else to qualify for graduate courses on biology and engineering, and to get his doctorate. His undergraduate major was in Biology, but his minor was in a subject that caught his eye because of my papers on the subject; 20th century human literature.'

'So this is a Human thing.' Garrus realized.

'There's a character in Human comic books called Captain America. He's the perfect soldier. He always gets the job done. He always save the day even if he has to cut through red tape and ignore his superiors in order to do it.' I explain.

'Not anything like the perfect Turian soldier, I see.' Garrus observed.

'Nothing alike, in fact. Captain America was the peak of Human ability in every category; speed, strength, tactical acumen... But he was selected to become Captain America because of his heart. It was his ability to not just lead, but to inspire others to follow in his example to become better people that made him Captain America.' Okeer's Captain America obsession was annoying, but not in the same way the rest of him was. When he was talking about Captain America he was almost... tolerable; for a very broad definition of tolerable.

'And this Captain America was why Okeer was willing to die for this Krogan?' Garrus asked, confused.

'It's why he felt he had to. You heard what he wanted. A prototype. The perfect Krogan. A beacon to lead the way and change Krogan culture; to ignore the Genophage and pursue excellence at any cost. A return to the conditions before the Krogan rebellions where young Krogan had to be exceptional just to survive. He needed his Krogan Captain America to inspire others. And you can't just make a Captain America. He needs to have the right heart. Not that that didn't stop this idiot from trying' I explained; shooting Okeer again for good measure.

'I can follow the logic when you put it that way, but it's still crazy.' Garrus admitted.

Shepard finally interrupted. 'Okeer was a madman. What can you expect? We got the better part in this bargain. Let's take this Krogan to the Normandy.'

I shot Okeer a couple more times before we left, emptying an entire clip into him just to be sure. Damn idiot.

Author's notes: I guess 3 chapters in one day isn't excessive when I have 60k words of backlog to get posted even after this goes up. There's been a fair bit of speculation on how I'd handle Grunt. Okeer is referred to in the Briefing as Dr. Okeer. That means he got a doctorate from somewhere. I decided to flesh that out a bit. Academic rivalries are a bitch.