CHAPTER 23: We Don't Need Another Hero (Thunderdome)
2185 CE
'You seem upset.' Mordin observed.
'Krogan Hospitals have that effect on me.'
'That's a Hospital? It's built like a bunker.' Shepard observed.
'Has to be. Even in Human hospitals patients are unpredictable. They're in pain and they some times violent. Now imagine that same experience but with Krogans. If you want your hospital to stay a hospital; you build it to withstand that sort of thing.' I explained.
'Good point. What can we expect going in?' Shepard asks me.
'Same thing you can expect surrounding any Salarian on Tuchanka; lots of angry Krogan.' I joked.
'Sense of humor. Common coping method with fear. Effective even among Krogan it seems.' Mordin... Observed? Joked? Teased? Hard to tell with that guy.
We'd told Grunt to stay on the ship. Neither Shepard nor I wanted to have to worry about what he was likely to do upon learning what went on in the hospital Mordin had pinpointed. Shepard because she didn't know how Grunt would react; me because Grunt was a very different Krogan than the one I'd foreseen and therefore... I guess I didn't know how Grunt would react either. I wasn't sure why Mordin hadn't protested my presence; I probably would have in his place.
'A Krogan and a Salarian were ordered to climb a hill on a Rachni world and scout the enemy. So they climb the hill through this nasty green fog and when they get to the top the Salarian sees thousands of Rachni approaching. The Salarian turns and says 'Oh, that makes me nervous!'.'
'And the Krogan turns to the Salarian and says 'You think that's scary? When this is over, I have to go back through that fog by myself!'.' Mordin finishes the joke and we both laugh.
'Looks like humor's effective among Salarians too.' I grinned.
'Indeed.' Mordin nodded.
It was time to find Maelon.
2185 CE
'That body. Human. Need to take a look.' Mordin stopped us just a little ways into the hospital.
'Sores, tumors, ligatures at wrists showing signs of restraint. Track marks at repeated injection sites. Test subject victim of experimentation.' the Doctor observed.
'No. Appears to be cultivation of cancerous cells. Aggravated by torture, malnourishment. Not a virus.' Mordin paused, looking at me.
'I know you updated the Genophage, Mordin. You don't need to hide it. I already told you I'm not going to kill you.' I revealed.
'Had suspected. Inclusion on 'little list' confounding variable. Probably testing vectors to attack Genophage. Primary goal not the infection of humans.'
I growled at what Mordin was implying. With Krogans you could probably assume that most of them at least volunteered for this torture in order to cure the Genophage. That definitely was not the case with Humans.
'Humans useful as test subjects. Genetically diverse. Enables exploration of treatment modalities.' Mordin explained.
'Wouldn't something native to Tuchanka work better? Varren, maybe?' Shepard asked.
'Yes. Human experiments strictly high level; concept testing. Native Tuchanka fauna likely used later in development stages. Wise to delay Varren until necessary. Powerful bite.' Mordin stated.
'Not so wise to experiment on Humans like this, though. They have a deep seated sense of medical ethics.' I stated.
'First do no harm. Yes. My assistant on Omega mentioned this. Problematic philosophy in practice. Good ideal to strive for.'
I turned to Shepard. 'This is why Chakwas is still my go to doctor.'
'So they're intentionally experimenting on Humans, then? That sort of crap is what makes Cerberus start to sound like a good idea.' Shepard spit.
'Never used Humans myself. Disgusting. Unethical. Sloppy. Used by brute-force researchers. Not thinkers. No place in proper science.' Mordin let out a deep breath.
'Krogan use of Humans unsurprising.' he added.
I gave him an annoyed look, but he seemed completely unrepentant.
'I imagine you had to do some live subject testing while developing the new Genophage.' Shepard countered.
'No. Unnecessary. Limited tests to simulations, corpses, cloned tissue samples. High level tests on Varren. No tests on species with members capable of Calculus. Simple rule. Never broke it.'
Actually, that's a pretty good rule. I wonder what ever happened to that Varren I made that power armor for? It has to be dead by now, right?
Shepard let out a deep breath before looking at Mordin once more. 'What can you tell about their experiments by looking at the body?'
'Position of tumors suggests deliberate mutation of Adrenal, Pineal glands. Modifying hormone levels. Counter attack on glands hit by Genophage. Clever.' Mordin observed.
'Do you think they're close to curing the Genophage?' Shepard asked.
'Can't say. Need more data. Conceptually sound though. Genophage alters hormone levels. Could repair damage with hormonal counter attack.' Mordin admired.
'You know, there's a stock trope in human media. A bad guy captures a good scientist and forces them to create a doomsday weapon. The scientist always does it too. Even though the bad guy can't tell a pipette from a thermometer. I always wondered if they cooperated due to fear, or if some part of them wanted to do it just to see if they could. These bad guys always gave the scientists whatever resources they needed. When else would they have full grant funding to build their death rays?' I admitted.
'Similar plot in Salarian media. Only appears when bad guy is non-Salarian. Used as abject lesson on dangers of giving into temptation.' Mordin agreed.
'Always thought the trope was unrealistic. Guess we'll see what it's like in real life now.' I decided.
'How are Humans more Genetically diverse?' Shepard wondered.
'More variable. Peaks and valleys, mutations, adaptations; far beyond other life. Makes humans useful test subjects. Larger reaction to smaller stimuli.' Mordin explained.
'I know we can look much different from each other, but Asari have a wide range of skin tones.' Shepard countered.
'No. Ignore superficial appearance. Down to genetic code. Biotic ability. Intelligence levels. Can look at Random Asari, Krogan, make reasonable guess. Humans too variable to judge. Outliers in all societies of course. Geniuses. Idiots. But Human probability curve differs greater overall variety.'
'One of the many fun things about your species, Shepard. Makes talking combat different though. You Humans have a pretty wide range of dispositions too.' I added.
Mordin nodded. 'Science as well. Have had to explain context regarding bioweapons research many times while on the Normandy. Many of the crew became nervous. Not all though. Interesting phenomenon.'
'Come on. We still need to find Maelon.' Shepard decided.
We were off to fight our way through a hospital.
Yippee...
2185 CE
There's a part of the experience of a good fight that's impossible to really translate to the written word. It's about as hard to do as translating a movie into a radio play. It can be done, but to do it well takes uncommon skill.
Fighting through the Hospital brought up nothing but bad memories. My sister's death above Digeris. My Ex's death in turn. The Genophage. Feeling powerless and weak.
I think Mordin assumed my growing lack of ease was from gunning down my fellow Krogan for searching for a Genophage cure; but the truth was, I just didn't like hospitals. Not one bit.
It sucks the poetry out of a fight, having to do it in Hospital. It's not fun at all.
I hate it.
Even Shepard lighting up a gas main leak with two pistol shots to set that Weyrloc blowhard on fire won't be enough to turn this into a good memory.
2185 CE
'Active Console. May contain useful data. One moment. Genetic sequences. Hormone mutagens still steady. Protein chains, live tissue. Very thorough. Standard treatment vectors. Avoiding scorched-earth immunosuppresants to alter hormone levels. Good. Hate to see that.' Mordin admitted as we found a working terminal.
'Most people wouldn't be so casual about developing a sterility plague.' Shepard observed.
'Not developing. Modifying. Much more difficult. Working within the confines of existing genophage. A hundred times the complexity. Errors unacceptable. Could cause total sterility, malignant tumors. Could even reduce effectiveness. Worse than doing nothing.'
"We're going to have to disagree on that last one.' I interjected.
'Had to keep Krogan population stable. One in one thousand. Perfect target, optimal growth. Like gardening.'
'Except that the plants have neither the sapience nor the sentience to experience the despair when every 999 of your children out of a thousand die in their clutch. The plants don't commit suicide when their children are stillborn.' I countered.
'A necessary step to prevent a resurgence of the Krogan rebellions.' Mordin defended.
'A necessary evil is still an evil.' I replied.
'How can you agree with using the genophage, Mordin? Look at what happened to Tuchanka as a result.' Shepard supported.
I winced. Shepard meant well, but...
'Only if you mean the state of the Krogan, Shepard. The nuclear winter predates the Salarians. I know. I was there.' I corrected.
'Genophage medical, not nuclear. No craters from virus. Damage caused by Krogan, not Salarians. Not Me.' Mordin denied.
'Well, that's not entirely true. The genophage might have been deployed using the shroud, but you Salarians wanted to obscure that fact. Like a magician; draw your mark's attention to one hand while you do your trick with the other. You dropped plenty of 'Genophage Bombs' on Tuchanka the first time you released the Genophage. Of course, that was well before you were born.' I admonished.
'Damage... mostly caused by Krogan. Rest of damage from before my time. No bombs were dropped upon release of modified Genophage. Secrecy was paramount.' Mordin admitted, acknowledging my correction.
'So if the Krogan banded together to form a united government, you'd welcome that?' Shepard questioned.
'Yes. United Krogan saved galaxy, destroyed Rachni. Genophage not punishment. Simply alters fertility to correct for removal from hostile environment.' Mordin stated.
'If we were removed from a hostile environment, why are we still on Tuchanka? Mordin's position is a noble one. But you can't look into a barren female's eyes and think the Genophage is anything but a vile curse aimed for revenge.' I countered.
'We're not going to find Maelon staring at consoles. Come on.' Shepard ordered.
We continued on.
2185 CE
This entire trip was a mistake. It was getting to me. The more I saw the angrier I got.
'Dead Krogan. Female. Tumors indicate experimentation. No restraint marks. Volunteer.'
Mordin paused.
'Sterile Weyrloc female willing to risk procedures. Hoped for cure. Pointless. Pointless waste of life.'
'What stage of maturity, Mordin. At what stage of maturity did this female become so overwhelmed with despair that she risked and lost her life just at the prospect of a hope for a cure?' I demanded, already knowing the answer.
'Adolescent.' Mordin confessed.
'I didn't expect you to be disturbed by the sight of a dead Krogan.' Shepard state, completely misreading the man in front of her.
'What? Why? Because of Genophage work? Irrelevant. No, causative! Never experimented on live Krogan. Never killed with medicine. Her death not my work, only reaction to it.' Mordin argued.
'Goal was to stabilize population. Never wanted this. Can see it logically... but still unnecessary. Foolish waste of life. Hate to see it.' Mordin explained.
'Not your fault, not your responsibility. That's why Krogan society keeps degrading too.' I chided.
Mordin flinched, as if struck.
'I didn't think you'd had much direct contact with things like this. Did you come to Tuchanka after dropping your plague?' Shepard asked.
'Yearly recon missions. Water, Tissue samples. Ensure no mistakes. Superiors offered to carry it on. Refused. Need to see it in person. Need to look. Need to see. Accept it as necessary. See small picture. Remind myself why I run a clinic on Omega.' Mordin replied.
I didn't say the thought that crossed my mind. But it was obvious what the words he'd left unspoken were: 'Why I joined a suicide mission.'
'Rest, young mother. Find your gods. Find someplace better.' Mordin spoke a benediction to the victim.
'I didn't expect spirituality from you, Mordin.' Shepard admitted.
'Genophage modification project altered millions of lives. Then saw results. Ego, humility, juxtaposition. Frailty of life. Size of the universe. Explored religions after work completed. Different races. No answers. Many questions.' Mordin admitted, slowly.
'Sounds like you were trying to deal with your guilty conscience. The doctor who killed millions.' Shepard accused.
'If we're counting stillborns? Even if the project was done just ten years ago, the number is far larger than that, Shepard. If we're not, and we're only counting forseeable deaths as a result of Mordin's work the number is probably under a million, but still in the tens of thousands.' I explained.
'Modified Genophage project great in scope. Scientifically brilliant. But ethically difficult. Krogan reaction visceral, tragic. Not guilty, but responsible. Trained as doctor. Genophage affects fertility. Doesn't kill. Still caused this. Hard to see big picture behind pile of corpses.'
'Doesn't kill directly. But I saw what the Genophage did to our race after it was deployed. A unified Krogan saved the Galaxy, you said. The Genophage is the reason we're not still unified. It took down our government. We haven't managed to get one back.' I admonished.
Mordin's face scrunched up into a frown as I pointed out that bit of cognitive dissonance he'd been unaware of. He'd be able to understand my implicit argument for the inverse; that a cured Genophage would bring back the united Krogan.
'Can you get any information from the body?' Shepard asked.
'Minimal insight into experiments. Gene therapy. Risking cancer, aiming for benign mutation. Krogan researchers ruthless. Risking own clan's women for new data. Disgusting. Shortsighted. Wrong.'
'On that we agree.' I admitted, not revealing which part I agreed with. I knew who did this. It wasn't Krogan researchers.
'We need to find Maelon and shut this place down.' Shepard decided.
Mordin took a good long look at the corpse on the table.
I wasn't sure what he was looking for, but after several seconds he decided that looking any more would be unhelpful.
'Yes.' He finally agreed, turning to join Shepard.
'You did not die in vain.' I promised.
Nothing remained in this hospital but the dead, and those soon to join them.
2185 CE
'Well, one thing's for certain, Shepard. You definitely understand how to motivate a Krogan. I really want to see what you can do with an army of us.' I admitted after Shepard got the Urdnot Scout back on his feet and heading back to Wrex with just a few words. A lovely combination of threats, insults and promises that really catered to Krogan masculinity.
It really was inspiring. I hope Shepard makes a speech once the Krogans arrive on Earth to help retake it. That would be an amazing addition to any book I write about this. And I'll need to write one. A first hand account of the most vital period of time the Galaxy has ever seen by someone who was not only there but participated in it? Every school kid in the universe will probably be required to read it.
Of course, there's the matter of formatting to deal with. A memoir? An Auto-biography? An epic didactic poem about the nature of the Krogan spirit and how Shepard's saved the Galaxy? Oh! Maybe an operetta?
The possibilities are endless. Of course, I'll need to survive the Reapers first.
I'll write up what I know in my down time, I guess. Should have something worth reading done in time for Liara's little information trove experiment.
A work as historically important as that has the potential to create a new art tradition all by itself. I'm basically being entrusted with the future of Krogan literature for the foreseeable future. Foreseeable in general, not foreseeable for me in particular.
It's odd but I'm so used to my ability to foresee things being beyond those of the average sentient that it feels almost bizarre to realize that despite my advantages, come next year I'll be just as blind as any other Krogan.
I think I might be looking forward to it.
2185 CE
'Maelon. Alive. Unharmed. No signs of restraint. No evidence of torture. Don't understand.' Mordin stated, shocked.
'For such a smart man, Professor, you always had trouble seeing evidence that disagreed with your preconceptions. How long will it take you to admit that I'm here because I wish to be here?' Maelon challenged.
'Maybe the Weyrloc drugged him or brainwashed him to keep him under control?' Shepard offered.
'Unlikely. Pupils normal. Body language consistent with standard metabolic state.' Mordin countered.
'Please, Professor. You wrote a paper on this. Forced behavior modification always results in mental degradation. Whether from Reaper indoctrination or drugs, test subjects always lose higher cognitive function.' Maelon asserts.
I wonder silently if that paper is how Mordin came to Cerberus' attention. Was that something new? I didn't remember it. I hoped it was. I hoped the Prothean indoctrination detection code I'd managed to salvage on Ilos was enough to change things for the better.
'Not brainwashed or conditioned. Need Maelon at peak capacity for work. Must be alternate source of Coercion.' Mordin decided.
'He wasn't kidnapped. He came here voluntarily to cure the Genophage.' Shepard realized.
Maelon nodded his agreement.
'Impossible. Whole team agreed! Project necessary!' Mordin protested.
'How was I supposed to disagree with the great Doctor Solus? I was your student! I looked up to you!' Maelon ranted.
'Experiments performed here. Live subjects! Prisoners! Torture and executions. Your doing?' Mordin shot back, his voice heavy with shock and outrage.
'We've already got the blood of millions on our hands, Doctor. If it takes a bit more to put things right, I can deal with that.' Maelon explained.
'I can't.' I admitted. I couldn't shoot him. Mordin would have to do that. But I really, really wanted to.
'You honestly think the experiments you did here are justified?' Shepard asked.
'We committed cultural genocide! Nothing I do will ever be justified! The experiments are monstrous... because I was taught to be a monster.' Maelon replied.
He really was in a hurry to jump off that slippery slope completely, wasn't he?
'Mordin, did you ever perform experiments like this?' Shepard asked.
'No. Never taught you this, Maelon.' Mordin asserted, deeply betrayed and enraged.
'So your hands are clean! What does it matter if the ground is stained with the blood of millions! You taught me that the ends justify the means. I will undo what we did, Professor. The only way I know how.' Maelon declared, his determination unshakeable, and all the worse for it as a result.
'What happens if the Genophage is cured and the Krogan expand again? That will be on your head.' Shepard declared.
It was a stupid argument. Obviously it would be on the head of the Krogan; a Doctor doesn't assume responsibility for the crimes of a serial killer just because he cured them of liver cancer. We Krogan have free will. When we use it, we get the blame for the results whether good or bad.
'We justified this atrocity by saying the Krogan would cause havoc and war if their population recovered. But look at the galaxy! Batarian attacks in the Traverse, Geth attacks on the Citadel. Is this a more peaceful universe? The assault on your Eden Prime might never have happened if we had let the Krogan recover. We'll never know.' Maelon decided.
It probably would still be my planet instead of theirs, I realized. So in at least one way he was right.
'How would a Krogan population explosion have done anything to stop Saren and the Geth?' Shepard asked.
'An increased Krogan population would have forced the Council to take steps, likely involving colony rights in the Traverse. The Turian fleets would be vigilant for any military activity in the area. They might have stopped the Geth at Eden Prime.' Maelon explained.
The Turians? Stop Sovereign? That... probably wouldn't have turned out well. Honestly that was the best argument for fighting in those damned rebellions that I've ever heard. I'll need to steal that.
'Supposition! Impossible to be certain.' Mordin declared.
'No. He's right. If I had had enough Krogan for a stable colony, Krelltopia would still be in Krogan hands. Humans would have settled elsewhere. Thus, no attack on Eden Prime. I can tell you that pretty directly, since I was the one who gave the planet to the Humans.' I admitted.
'Don't you see? We tried to play god, and we failed! We only made things worse... and I'm going to fix it.' Maelon declared.
'You talk about killing, but the Genophage isn't lethal. it only affects fertility rates.' Shepard declared.
'Krogans fight over fertile females. They become mercenaries or pirates because they see no alternative! They would be thriving in a cultural renaissance now had we not decided that this is what they deserved!' Maelon ranted.
'Inaccurate. Krogan population resulted in war. Simulations were clear!' Mordin retorted.
'He's not wrong. Before the Genophage we used to have industry. Scientists. Engineers. After the Genophage? The only way to get a female is to impress with our prowess. You can't do that in science. You can't do that in engineering. All the Krogan interested in children and anything other than war ended up bred out of the gene pool. We all shacked up with Asari, more or less. You destroyed our society and then declared that the chaos and death that replaced it was what we'd always have and what we deserved. It was what we'd always be. Simulations can't account for everything Mordin. Did you ever run simulations about what would happen if the Krogan were helped?'
'No. No way to calculate. Not enough untainted data. The last time assistance was rendered was during the Rachni Wars... to help improve Krogan ability to wage war.' Mordin admitted.
'Why work with Clan Weyrloc? And how did you access the Genophage data?' Shepard asked.
'The data was easy to maintain. We all still had clearance. We were heroes. All I had to do was ask. As for the Weyrloc, they were the only clan with both the resources and the commitment.' Maelon explained.
'Urdnot has a larger camp than Weyrloc. Why not use them?' Shepard accused.
'Urdnot Wrex is too soft. He wasn't willing to do the experiments I needed. It's Urdnot's loss and Weyrloc's gain. Their clan will be the first to recover from the crime we committed.' Maelon declared.
'You confuse goodness with weakness. Wrex has moral fiber. That doesn't make him soft. It makes him strong.' I admonished.
'Maelon clearly doesn't need rescuing. What do you want to do?' Shepard asked Mordin.
'Have to end this.' Mordin decided.
Maelon pulled out his Carnifex, aiming it at Mordin, and everyone else one by one. 'You can't face the truth, can you? Can't admit that your brilliant mind led you to commit an atrocity!'
Mordin punched him while his attention wavered; sending him through the holographic screen of his workstation.
'Unacceptable experiments. Unacceptable goals. Won't change. No choice. Have to kill you.' Mordin decided, pulling his submachine gun on his former student.
'Wait! You don't need to do this Mordin! You're not a murderer.' Shepard interrupted.
'No. Not a murderer. Thank you, Shepard.' Mordin agreed. backing off and sheathing his gun.
I tastefully decided not to point out just how many Krogan we murdered on the way to apparently not murder Maelon. I guess it only counts as murder if you know their names? Honestly, Shepard should know better than that. It's attitudes like that that will win her the coveted title of largest mass murderer in known history once she blows up Aratoht.
'Finished, Maelon. Get out. No Weyrloc left. Project over.' Mordin decided.
'What if he talks to more Krogan, tells the public about the modified Genophage project?' Shepard asked.
'Special Tasks Group good at covering tracks. No proof. Weyrloc willingness to work with Salarian unusual. Other Krogan will kill him.' Mordin explained.
'Aren't you worried that he'll start his research again?' Shepard asked.
'No. Locking this unit. Special tasks Group can cut access to old data. Could start from scratch. Decades of work, though. Didn't teach you everything I knew.' Mordin addressed Maelon at the end.
'You heard the Professor. Get out before he changes his mind.' Shepard ordered.
'Where am I supposed to go, Professor?' Maelon protested.
'Don't care. Try Omega. Can always use another clinic.' Mordin suggested.
'This is why I never trust Salarian Doctors. Humans have it right. First do no harm.' I grumbled.
'The Krogan didn't deserve what we did to them, Professor. The Genophage needs to end.' Maelon declared, leaving. Had to have the last word that one. I'll have to call Wrex to warn him that psychopath is still running around unshot. He'll be Wrex's problem then.
'Not like this.' Mordin replied, mostly to himself.
'Apologies, Commander. Misunderstood mission parameters. No kidnapping. My mistake. Thank you.'
'Don't worry about me, Mordin. How are you doing?'
'Should have killed him. Wanted to. Easier than listening. Easier for him, too. Experiments indicate how far he's fallen. Expected it from Krogan. Not one of mine.' Mordin explained.
I help my piece about Mordin's casual racism towards my fellow Krogan Scientists. Okeer and others like him give us all a bad name, but Mordin should know better.
'Maybe you'll remember that the next time you're discussing the ethics of the Genophage.' Shepard suggested.
'Yes. So many variables. Stress responses. Impossible to truly predict. Something to think about. Maelon's research. Only loose end. Could destroy it. Closure, security. Still valuable though.' Mordin declared.
This was it. The pivotal moment.
Well, not so pivotal. Wrex got a copy of the data. Not the most current, but presumably enough to suit our purposes. No. This was more of a pivotal moment for Mordin than the Krogan. But of no less import for the specificity.
I opened my mouth to say the words that would convince him. The words that will convince Shepard to keep the data.
'If you think it could be useful, why not hang onto it?' Shepard suggested.
Well, that was simple. My job here was done. Great job, me.
'Worked for years to create modified Genophage. Should destroy this. Maelon's work could cure Genophage. Don't know. Effects on Krogan. Effects on galaxy. Too many variables. Too many variables!'
'You regret what the Krogan have become. You see the horror of what they did here, but you see the loss, too.' Shepard empathized.
Most of the horror here was Maelon's doing, but now wasn't the time to argue that.
'Wasted potential.' Mordin agreed.
'They don't deserve this, Mordin. Save the data.' Shepard urged.
'Point taken, Shepard. Capturing Data, wiping local copy. Still years away from Cure. But closer than starting from scratch.'
Mordin wiped the data.
'Done. Ready to go. Ready to be off Tuchanka. Anywhere else. Maybe somewhere sunny.'
'Let's get out of here.' Shepard agreed.
2185 CE
Mordin confronted me in the Cargo hold when we got back.
'You said 'find' my friend. You said you would not stand for torture. You never said rescue. You knew.' Mordin accused.
I paused. Somehow I hadn't really thought about this confrontation. Mordin never confronted anyone originally.
Still that didn't mean I couldn't justify my actions.
'Mordin, The Genophage is the single greatest crime in the history of the current cycle.' I began. Slowly. Calmly. I couldn't yell. I couldn't scream or throttle him. I needed to convince him. Pathos, yes. But logic first. Calm, cool, and collected. That was the only way I could do this and succeed, no matter the rage that filled me at the thought of the Genophage.
Shepard had called it a sterility plague. For all that Mordin would argue about the semantics, that's what it was. That's what effect it had.
'It is a violation of the right of bodily autonomy. It is a punishment visited not just on one generation of Krogan for our crimes, but on all future generations of Krogan for the crimes of their ancestors.' Mordin was clearly listening to me. No matter how much he looked like he wanted to refute my claims, he seemed willing to wait until I was done talking.
'You tell yourself it isn't a punishment but I've lived through it. I've seen what it has done to us, what it continues to do to us. Children sacrificing themselves in labs. Krogan pooling all their money to pay Binary Helix for a cure, and never getting either back. Young men seeking quad transplants in the hope of real virility. Krogan boys being hunted for their quads. You Salarians, the Turians, the Special Task Group; you deployed this as a weapon and then walked away heedless of the chaos and suffering it would cause us. The Genophage wasn't medicine. It was never intended to be medicine. It was an attack. It was meant to break the Krogan. It was meant to break our spirit, and it succeeded. You destroyed our society and left. No attempts offered in dealing with your crimes. No help offered in repairing the damage you caused.'
'I can tell you the excuses that were probably used: 'It's not our place to interfere because it's their society!' 'They would never accept our help!' 'They brought this on themselves and now they reap what they have sown.' All of it moralizing nonsense. If you were right, and the Genophage was not a punishment but merely Salarians righting what evolution got wrong... and isn't that an arrogant idea? Then responsibility would have fallen on the Salarians to help us adjust. 'The Krogan would have attacked us if we had' isn't an excuse. It's a reason not to do the crime in the first place. You know this already. Unwanted side effects of treatment are a Doctor's responsibility to mitigate and warn about. But the side effects of the Genophage on Krogan society were not unwanted, Mordin. They were the entire purpose of the endeavor. Do you know what the Turians said to the Salarians when they deployed it? It's in the Spectre archives. No doubt STG has a copy too. They said: 'Why would you ever design a weapon like this and then not use it?' The goal was never to help, Mordin. It was to hurt.'
I glared.
'You have not made amends, Mordin. You don't intend to. Why should you? To you the Genophage is not a punishment. You have the privilege of believing that; because you don't have to live with the despair of knowing you will never be a parent; that your knowledge, that your family line dies with you. You never have to watch your children wallow in despair. You never had to watch your entire race fall apart. I was a Warlord before the Genophage. I had power. I had a Clan behind me. I fought only when attacked. I found unwanted and unclaimed planets like Noveria. The Genophage destroyed that. I was replaced. My people were the victims of the most brutal and personal of crimes and they cried out for vengeance. They needed some way to make sense of what happened to us. Some way if making things right. I had counseled peace and understanding. I had pushed for peace, Mordin! I was trying to solve the problem! And I was betrayed by those I sought to live with. My judgment was flawed. I was too trusting. Too peaceful. Too naive! Of course I was deposed. In the face of a crime like the Genophage, how could there ever be peace? We were in pain and the Salarians didn't just cause it, they expected us to thank them for the suffering.'
'To you, the Genophage isn't a punishment, because if it were a punishment then it would be one far crueler than even that handed to the Quarians for the rebellion of the Geth. But I have lived with this punishment, Mordin. I was there when it was deployed. I have seen the despair it caused in every Krogan, fertile and sterile alike. I've seen the despair and the rage it causes in every generation hence. It's a collective trauma that will never go away. It is very much both a punishment and a crime, Mordin. And it was always intended to be.' I explained
Mordin stared at me, lost.
'I did know about Maelon ahead of time. I kept it to myself. I felt, just like the Salarians did all those years ago, that I knew best.' I admitted.
Mordin physically rocked back as if struck.
'No amount of argument would let you understand what the Genophage has done to both our races, Mordin. You needed to see it for yourself, the depths of suffering the Genophage has caused; and the lengths it has driven us to in the search for a cure. What Maelon said, about the ends justifying the means? That's what the Genophage teaches all Salarian children for as long as it stands.' I justified.
'Thought you were a friend.' Mordin admits, betrayed.
I nodded.
'Friends help their friends grow into better people. They help them with the messes they get into. They help them grow and learn. A true friend won't just comfort you. He'll challenge you as well.' I stated.
'Commonalities of definition between Krogan and Salarian friendship. Time spent writing poetry not wasted after all.' Mordin bitterly replied.
'Sometimes a boil must be lanced so it can heal.'
'Human expression. Not medically sound advice for either Salarians or Krogan!' Mordin protested. He wasn't wrong.
'It's a metaphor, Mordin. The boil is unaddressed trauma.' I left so many things unsaid. I didn't bring up the duty to make amends for crimes. I didn't mention the now festering wound between us and how it paralleled the Genophage for me. How the betrayal felt at the time. How much it hurt. I didn't need to. Mordin already understood. He felt it now in turn.
'Yes. See now. In no state for philosophy. Will... Be in the lab. Will talk about this. Later.'
I let him walk away.
2185 CE
Dear Aye-Aye,
I heard about your bar. I'm sorry it got blown up.
If you need anything, please don't hesitate to ask.
Love,
Dad
2185 CE
Dear Dad,
Fuck off.
I don't need your sympathy or support.
Do you know where Liara's gotten to? I can't seem to locate her.
She's in danger. The Shadow Broker is after her.
In conclusion,
Fuck you
2185 CE
Dear Aye-Aye,
Last I heard from her she'd moved into a new apartment after Tela Vasir bombed her office on the Shadow Broker's orders. She doesn't want me spreading her address around in case of repeat callers. You can always call her you know.
You don't need to worry. Liara's alive. I had a talk with the Shadow Broker about threatening her. He called off the hit.
Love,
Dad
Dear Dad,
You of all Krogan shouldn't be giving me advice about calling your kids.
In conclusion,
Fuck you
Author's Notes: I think that this is probably around the half-way mark for this story. If not in word-count, then certainly in terms of the emotional ride. So much of the story builds up to this point. Pretty much every time Mordin and Krell are in a room together is foreshadowing leading to this chapter.
Which is I suppose a very complicated way of saying that I really couldn't bring myself to cut this chapter in half, so you're getting a 6k chapter today.
