CHAPTER 49: I Need My Letter Back
The friendly Headbutt really was a cozy ship. I felt an immense sense of joy as we departed the airlock on our way to Tuchanka.
Except for the beeping light on my terminal of course.
I frowned. There would be no relaxing until I handled that, would there?
I had emails. Over a thousand emails. None of them important right now. The Dalatrass, Tevos...
I scrolled through them only paying half a mind to them as I thought about my new plans and how to accomplish them.
Oh! Wait! There! right there! There was an email worth answering!
Dear Dad,
Where the fuck were you hiding a goddamn Planet! Also where the hell are you hiding on it? I found Liara, but not you.
Also, how the fuck did you restart the Prothean Empire?
In conclusion,
Fuck you.
Dear Aye-Aye,
Sorry, duty calls! I had to leave immediately on a very important but also very secret mission too sensitive to tell you about in writing. I know that it sounds paranoid, but sometimes I think that people might be spying on me.
It's a moon not a planet, and I was hiding it in dark space. Pretty close to Relay 314, actually. Weird coincidence, right?
As for the Prothean empire, I restarted that by accident. Also most of the credit needs to go to Javik and the Asari. I just found Javik. Javik is actually the one who started the empire, and the Asari pissed him off enough that he felt he needed to. No one could have predicted it. But you know what the humans say; success is opportunity meeting a prepared mind!
Your bar's outside Liara's office on Floor JI7-23. It has good sight lines up and down the hallway, and access to the defensive emplacements. Also maybe you can talk to your daughter? She wanted someone to fix the background music on the library, but she doesn't know the programming language I used. You still remember your programming lessons, right? You'd probably be her hero if you handled it.
Love,
Dad.
Dear Dad,
How the hell am I supposed to fix your crappily programmed VI? I majored in Krogan Philosophy, not programming. I haven't used any of the ancient Krogan programming languages I had to learn for that elective in almost a millennia! I don't think anyone has!
Also, what possessed you to program a VI that plays Human songs about Never Giving You Up over Mordin Solus's lectures at University of Thessia? Is this part of one of your stupid plans?
Also, you forgot to stock the bar before you left.
In conclusion,
Fuck you.
Dear Aye-Aye,
It's your bar. You own it. You get all the profits. You can stock it yourself. Besides, my liquor stash was in my shuttle. I'm sure Omega has liquor, order some there.
Love,
Dad
Dear Dad,
Your stupid sound system decided to play a human song and now I can't get the jaunty violins of this head like a hole song out of my head.
In conclusion,
Fuck you.
Dear Aye-Aye,
Jaunty violins? That's a new one to me.
Love,
Dad
Dear Dad,
It's been playing on repeat for the past two hours!
In conclusion,
Fuck you.
Dear Aye-Aye,
I left my personal white noise generator in sector G-47000. I lost it trying to fix the sound system. Bring noseplugs.
Love,
Dad
Dear Dad,
Noseplugs? Biotic barriers can keep smells out if you tune them finely enough.
Anyway, Thanks. I can't believe you kept this thing all these years.
In Conclusion,
Fuck you.
Dear Aye-Aye,
Of course I kept it; it was a gift from my daughter.
Love,
Dad
Author's Note: Parent/child relationships can be complicated some times.
