Chapter 50: Rumors
With my mail answered it was time to check the news. Normally I wouldn't, but considering I was no longer really in direct contact with the people whose reactions the news documented, It did seem pertinent.
I switched over to my extranet news feed and scrolled down.
'Hanar declare Nakmor Krell New Prophet of the Enkindlers, Promise to Investigate Corruption in the Ecclesiarcy.'
... Well, shit.
I immediately started to read.
'Former Arch-Heretic Nakmor Krell received an official pardon moments ago on Kajhe. This radical switch in doctrine comes amid rumors of live Protheans active in the Terminus and a new polity. Nakmor Krell, most famously associated with the Krelltopian Heresy was cleared of all charges and issued not just an apology, but also the status of 'Prophet of the Enkindlers.' The last time this status was issued was to Swims-Through-Stormy-Seas over 20 generations ago for their sermon on the vent which ended the rectification war. Never before has the position of Prophet been bequeathed on a non-Hanar, much less a Krogan.
'When asked for the reasoning behind the decision head speaker for the Ecclesiarchy Speaks-With-The-Voice-Of-Billions stated that the original decision declaring the warlord the Arch-Heretic was 'hasty' and founded on 'incorrect facts' and that they are currently investigating to determine if corruption was involved. Speaks-With-The-Voice-Of-Billions declined to address the status of the Krelltopian Heresy save to say that the events which led to the declaration were misunderstood and to wait for the official Ecclesiarchical position on it which was to be forthcoming soon. When asked what brought about this stunning reversal in canon policy Speaks-With-The-Voice-Of-Billions shouted 'They have Returned! In our Darkest Hour the Enkindlers have returned to save us all!' before the camera was cut rendering further follow up questions impossible.'
I wasn't sure how to take that. Would this mean more assassins, or less? Being the Arch-Heretic was easy. All I had to do was nothing and aside from the occasional assassin the Hanar could pretty much be ignored, as long as I didn't pass by them in the streets or try and buy something at one of their shops. It's not like the frenzied be-tentacled murder attempts were anything more than a mild inconvenience anyway if I forgot.
But now? Who knows.
The article continued, talking about the economic impact of the rioting, and how this might be the start of a Hanar Civil War. It didn't actually come right out and blame me, but it definitely felt like the author wanted to. Wonder what I did to deserve that kind of ire even when my good name was being cleared?
Well, nothing to it but to keep reading. One article wasn't anywhere near enough to get me up to date.
I turned to the next article only for the blood rage to reach out to grab me. I denied it. Hurling my extranet pad into a wall wouldn't help here. Even if I really, really wanted to.
'University of Thessia Denies the Existence of a Larger Library on Semantic Grounds'
What kind of bullshit was that!? The Great Library of Krell was superior to Thessia's shithole in every way!
'With news breaking of famed war criminal Nakmor Krell's rumored private library finally being sighted near Omega, Asanji Matua, the dean of The University of Thessia, has finally spoken out about the controversial figure.
'When addressed, Dean Matua had this to say: 'Calling it a library is misleading. Libraries are places of learning and knowledge with texts of historical or cultural importance. All reports indicate that this so-called 'Great Library of Krell' is no such thing. The books are filled with gibberish and there are no items if historical importance to be found in the site. Nakmor Krell has always been jealous of Asari excellence, and despite his amazing accomplishments in the realm of poetry, Warlord Krell has always failed to reach the heights that even the meanest Asari can obtain in the fields of diplomacy and warfare. It is no surprise that his burning envy of the quality of the renowned library that our University boasts has led him to such a ridiculous, over-the-top imitation.'
'When asked about whether the property losses she suffered during Nakmor Krell's famous weapons test conducted on Thessia had anything to do with her assessment, Dean Matua replied that 'Warlord Krell had never been convicted of his vicious, unprovoked, and pre-meditated attack on the people of Thessia and thus it was inappropriate to call him a terrorist, but evidence of his war crimes are well-documented and required reading in first year Krogan History classes.' Dean Matua refused further opportunity to comment.'
Not a library!? Envious of the Asari? The meanest Asari could beat my accomplishments in Diplomacy!? I ended the Morning War! And the First Contact War! And anyway, I never did any weapons testing on Thessia! And the Asari really shouldn't throw stones about war crimes before throwing them at the Turians and Salarians.
Wait.
Did she mean Hachiko? What kind of monster begrudges a kid's pet some mild misbehavior? See if I lecture at their lackluster institution once the University of Tuchanka opens...
My mood thoroughly ruined I turned to the next headline.
'STG operation investigating strange Batarian cult revealed to itself be a cult'
Indoctrination at work, I guess. That didn't sound like something I needed to focus on now right now. What else was there?
'Citadel police still have no suspects in the assassination of the Batarian Ambassador.'
Well, it wasn't me, and it wasn't Kaidan or Shepard since they're in jail, so I'm out of suspects. No sense reading baseless speculation.
'Legions of Heroes denies server lag responsible for the identically timed second-long freezing of 12,000,000 players.'
Huh. That sounded interesting.
'Legion of Heroes, the top rated and most successful MMO Survival Warfare RPG by Black Isle Studios from Systems Alliance space, experienced a strange lag spike on Monday as 12,000,000 players suddenly froze in place simultaneously for 3.2 milliseconds. Black Isle detected no issues with their servers and states that the lag spike could not be detected on either server or client-side, but no other explanation has been forthcoming.
'While it is undisputed that 12,000,000 players froze in place simultaneously, no single cause has been identified. Multiple theories have been posited with entities from Alliance News Network to the New York Times, to prominent extranet personalities all suggesting multiple contradictory causes; from the more plausible, such as an unprecedented cyber attack, to the less plausible, such as unforeseen gravitational lensing in the terminus system causing interference with FTL communication buoys.
'As of print time, no explanation has been deemed definitive by the Post.'
Twelve million simultaneous lag spikes across the same tiny duration? Was that the Geth? What the hell were the Geth up to in Legion of Heroes? What the hell could have caused that kind of lag delay? 3.2 milliseconds was an eternity for the Geth!
I suppose I could ask...
No. On second thought, better to hold off and ask in person rather than by electronic mail. The Geth probably would have told me if they thought I needed to know. Unlike everyone else they knew full well I wasn't omniscient.
'Alliance Command Denies Gearing Up For Batarian Genocide: We Have Bigger Cuttlefish to Fight!'
Well, that was self explanatory. No need to dig into that.
'Nakmor Krell Deceased!'
What.
'Sources high up within the Turian Hierarchy have confirmed the death of famed philanthropist Nakmor Krell. Nakmor Krell died on Monday from advanced telomere degradation, at the age of 5,000 years.'
What!? I definitely wasn't 5,000! And Krogan Telomeres don't degrade!
…
I think?
Mine haven't anyway.
'He left the entirety of his estate, known to hold the largest collection of Human pornography in history, to establish the University of Tuchanka.'
Wait.
Did I have the largest collection of Human Pornography in history?
…
Shit.
Given the contents of my library, I might actually have the largest collection of pornography of every species ever in history. Including some that haven't been discovered yet.
Fuck, I left my granddaughter in charge of the largest collection of pornography in history!!!
'Nakmor Krell leaves behind no heirs. A celebration of his life and death is planned across on most planets across the known galaxy. Prospective revelers should be aware that the tenor of these celebrations can vary greatly by species and region of known space. Revelers are cautioned to read about their local celebration before attending due to the likelihood of lethal disagreements with other revelers.'
I should... Probably do something about that.
Shit.
Author's Note: I wanted to do something fun for chapter 50. People have been asking for an interlude for a while, so I figure I'd give a bit of insight into how the rest of the galaxy is reacting to Krell.
Lizzo's amazing, by the way. And like Lizzo-Wan Kenobi said, "All the Rumors are true, from a certain point of view." I was originally gonna call this chapter "Second Hand News." I figure you all can pretty easily figure out the leap in logic to the new chapter title.
