I proceeded to my quarters, showered, and sat on my bed to wallow in anxiety. Phasma commed shortly after and stoically informed me that as a permanent member of the intel team, I was officially outside of her purview. Therefore, my reports would now be directed to the base commander.
Three hours passed, and I wondered how my heart was still thumping so madly in my chest. The lights in my room began to dim for the night cycle, officially entering "later" territory. My fingers trembled as I tried to focus on finishing my report. It was pointless.
I was slowly coming to the realization that I had been swept into the chaotic vortex that surrounded Kylo Ren.
And I was loving it.
My stomach did cartwheels in my abdomen as I stood in front of his door. I smoothed my fresh uniform and tucked my short hair behind my ears. Utilizing my training from the Fleet, I intentionally schooled my facial expression into an unreadable mask. It would be a miracle if it actually stayed that way.
I waved my hand to activate the door signal, regretting it instantly.
The door opened after a few breaths. He wore his helmet and his regular clothing, minus the long cloak. Without it, his frame was still impossibly broad. I had forgotten that he was much taller than me without my bulky Stormtrooper boots. He motioned inside.
"Come in."
His quarters were much like those on the command shuttle. There were multiple nicely furnished rooms, beginning with a sitting room. The lights were low as he hadn't yet turned on supplemental lighting. He motioned to one of the couches.
"Have a seat."
"Thank you."
I perched myself on the edge of the sofa with my hands cupped over one knee. He sat on a couch across from me with nothing but empty carpet between us. My chest rose and fell as I forced my ragged breaths in and out my nose. He leaned forward with one hand on his knee.
"All week, I sensed your curiosity," Ren said softly. "Ask your questions."
I reached inside my tired mind, realizing I had focused so much on my appearance that I had forgotten to think of what to say. My heart rate accelerated.
"Um...who are you?"
A sound of laughter and static answered me.
"Sorry," I breathed nervously.
"Try to narrow it down," he said, sounding amused.
"Um...were you a conscript?"
"No. I came to the First Order to learn from Snoke."
"When?"
"Five years ago."
I paused, taking in the information.
"How old are you?"
"Twenty-eight."
"Where were you born?"
When he didn't respond, I bit the inside of my lip, realizing I had overstepped. After a moment, he released a dry laugh.
"You don't care where I was born," he said matter-of-factly.
He was right. At that moment, I cared about one thing and one thing only. I parted my lips, trying to put it into words, but my mind went foggy. My eyes fell to my hands, clasped together knuckle-white. His voice became soft and inquisitive.
"You're trembling, Lucia. Why?"
I let out a short breath. "I'm...so nervous."
He tilted his head. "Why?"
I shook my head as I searched for words. "Being alone with you is..."
Intoxicating.
"Intoxicating," he murmured.
Butterflies erupted in my stomach. His reach retreated from my mind as two fingers lowered back to his knee. My eyes searched the dark visor of his mask. I didn't even notice when he started.
"You're not afraid of me," he perceived.
I shook my head. My heart was openly hammering now.
"Why are you drawn to me?"
"I don't know," I breathed threadily.
"What do you want from me?"
"I...I don't know."
"You do," he said, barely above a whisper. "Search your feelings."
"I—I want...to know you."
"Be specific."
I then heard myself say, "I want to see your face."
He leaned back, in either surprise or objection. "Mm," he hummed. "Good."
When he stood, I scrambled to my feet and looked at the door. But he didn't show me out. Instead, he reached behind his head and activated some kind of release button. The mask expanded and loosened, and he leaned forward to lift it off his head. His gloved fingers quickly followed, combing through his hair as he raised his head.
Ren was young—he couldn't have been much older than me. No marks marred his handsome face, scattered with a light dusting of freckles. No carefully constructed mask shielded his emotions from view. His brown eyes were like a window to his soul—the way they wavered self-consciously as he took in every detail of my reaction to him. His nostrils flared, revealing inner stress. His lips parted, revealing curiosity or desire. His throat constricted above his high collar, revealing nervousness.
I came back to his eyes. His gaze softened when his eyelids fell slightly. I found myself falling into the depths of them, hoping I would never hit the ground.
My body drifted subconsciously closer to him.
His lips parted and his breath hitched.
Then his voice rumbled—
"Careful."
Eyes falling, I blinked out of the trace. By the stars, what was I doing?
That's my superior!
"L—Lord Ren...," I mumbled by way of apology. In spite of myself, my eyes hungrily returned to his face. A corner of his lips turned slightly upwards.
"Satisfied, Caltrel?" he murmured.
"I...yes."
His eyes danced between mine like a flickering flame. "Good."
I flinched when the door signal chimed. His eyes darted to the door as he urgently returned the helmet to his head. It clicked into place and pressurized. Taking me by the arm, he roughly pulled me to a corner of the room, safely out of view of the door. And then, to my horror, he answered it.
"Ren," said a biting voice.
"Hux," he replied icily.
I covered my mouth with a loose fist to silence my breathing. If he saw me, I could be punished for fraternization. I shouldn't be here. I stared at the dark carpet and listened.
"The Supreme Leader has tasked me with something better suited to your...abilities."
Ren crossed his arms. "Are you requesting my assistance?"
"No," he snapped. "It's only logical to send you across the Galaxy to the outskirts of the Outer Rim."
"Hm. That didn't sound like a request."
Hux scoffed. "Would it kill you to have a single rational thought?"
A pause.
"I'm waiting, General."
I heard an exasperated sigh. "Lord Ren, I request you do the bidding of the Supreme Leader and your own Master."
A longer pause.
"Please."
"With pleasure," was Ren's bright response.
Hux huffed as he left, his voice fading down the hallway. "I'll send the details by droid once I have them."
I came out of my hiding spot immediately, approaching the door before it could close. Ren folded his hands behind his back as I looked up at him. His expressionless mask stared back at me. I swallowed around the lump in my throat.
"Thank you, Lord Ren."
I scurried out the door without waiting for a response.
