8919. Yes, Titanic has finally seen the 1997 movie. Those who handle outgoing mail are advised to check who she's mailing letters to...she wasn't happy with some of the characters in that film.
8919a. "While we appreciate your celebrity status, sending a letter to Billy Zane telling him you would've tossed Cal Hockley overboard - over the stern so that he got sucked into the propellers - without regret is not projecting a positive image." - Admiral Collingwood
8919b. "Don't care...he's slime. I rate Ismay higher than him." - Titanic
8919c. "...Now, that's just cold." - Admiral Collingwood
8919d. "No, for the love of all that is sane, I am not still carrying that infernal Renault in my cargo hold! Also, I still maintain that there was room enough on that board." -male!Titanic, a.k.a. USS Langley's husband
8968. Show Titanic The Legend of the Titanic and Tentacolino at your own risk. But fair warning: her reaction probably won't be pretty. 8968a: Welp. It would appear both Titanics have gone on the warpath thanks to those movies. Somebody stop them before they file charges against the Italian animation studios in question - their ferociously biting reviews of those films and the 1997 one are already circulating on the media like blood through veins and arteries!
8968b: "This is slander, and defamation, and historical revisionism, and a joke in absolutely hideous taste!" - Titanic x2 combo
Southampton, England
That there were two shipfolk representing the same ship was an unusual case, but not unheard of - there were after all two Yuubaris, two alternate Asos, and that wasn't even getting started on the Fleet of Fog ladies - and one couldn't help but wonder how the dimensional havoc had started in the first place. By this point he had gotten well used to there being an alternate of him (and they did correspond from time to time when schedule permitted), though he had to wonder what had gotten her so worked up that she had to tell him about it in person. He'd had to be immensely discreet as he made the drive to this city, so loaded with bittersweet memories, and even then he didn't dare let his guard down until he was well within the perimeter of the base. His pace was cautious, steady, not wanting to draw too much attention to himself as he took the route to her quarters, knocking to await her permission before he would walk in to meet with her.
She was a strikingly beautiful figure for sure, exactly as tall as he himself was, graceful and well-dressed in an outfit that reflected the paint job of their original hull, and he would greet her with a tip of his hat as he shut the door behind him. "Madame," he began, just a bit of a smile on his face as he hoped privately to ease some of whatever was bothering his counterpart. "I got your letter, longhand and everything. What's gotten you on the warpath?" Wordlessly, she strode over to one shelf to pick something out, before flashing the DVD case for a certain extremely well-known blockbuster from 1997. In that one instant, it all clicked for him, and he had to adjust his tie a little as he gulped, blanching just a smidgen at the realization. "Ah. Yeah, that. How was your first viewing?"
"Honestly?" Madame Titanic let out a long sigh, shaking her head as she set the case back where she had found it before turning to her gentlemanly alt. "I don't know whether I should be honoured they lavished so much loving detail into basically bringing me to life again on the silver screen, or if I should be infuriated at the things they did screw up on. Especially in passing over so many true to life stories in favour of a fictional romance!" There was a moment of silence, before she took a closer look at her companion. "Now that I think about it though, I'm starting to wonder whether the film's the reason you look like... that," she mused, earning a very flustered laugh from a blushing gentleman. "Your guess is as good as mine," he admitted, donning his captain's cap once more as if to hide the resemblance to some extent. "If I had a nickel for every time someone mistook who I was... And I don't even sound like him, geez!"
"Well I can hardly hold you accountable for the way you look," she conceded, though there was still a storminess in her eyes that indicated she was still very much displeased at what she had just witnessed a couple of days prior. "But I have more than half a mind to make my displeasure known to everyone involved in that... that travesty of a production." To say that was troubling was an understatement - her breaking her usual gag rule against speaking to the mainstream media was rare enough and usually meant serious business was afoot. Her alt nodded solemnly at that, before clearing his throat to voice his thoughts on the matter. "Well. Now that the cat's out of the bag, and while there are worse films about us out there I refuse to speak of, what say you and I make the most of it and tear Mr. Cameron a metaphorical new one?"
The look that she gave him in reply was one of mutual understanding, and in that moment, a conspiracy to rival the notorious 'switch theory' was born. "Show me the 'others', and then we can tear them all new ones."
The article came out within the week, and soon began catching attention from several quarters due to the fact that Mme. Titanic had broken her self-imposed 'don't talk to the press' rule, and for good reason. The article, co-written by both Titanics, was an open letter to filmmakers of all stripes, tearing into various movies centered around the sinking with barely-restrained ferocity. The reviews had started civilly enough, bluntly critical when covering the 1997 film, but it soon gave way to vehement objections to the 1943 Nazi film, and then outright invective against the two animated Italian clusterfucks. Mercifully, there was no mention of the one with the rapping dog - likely because neither of them had seen it (pray they never did). Suffice to say the media and the blogosphere quickly latched on to it, reactions and analyses and even rebuttals being penned in response to it, and even the old Twitter war over whether there was room on that board or not, started in response to a past comment, had flared up again. (The other Titanic had gone on record yet again, objecting to repeated pestering about the car scene - "No, for the love of all that is sane, I am not still carrying that infernal Renault in my cargo hold! Also, I still maintain that there was room enough on that board.")
But Mme. Titanic wasn't done yet. Not by a long shot.
Scapa Flow, a week succeeding
Admiral Collingwood sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose as he looked over the mutinous-looking shipgirl in front of him. The good madame's letters, intended to be mailed by her male counterpart, had been intercepted to check there was nothing of military importance that needed redacting, and what was found instead were several stationery pages of heated remarks and sharp language, each one addressed to a different person. And they all had one thing in common. "First the Great Titanic Film Roast, and now letters to the people involved?" Collingwood asked, laying the sheaf of White Star Line stationery on the table. "While we appreciate your celebrity status, sending a letter to Billy Zane telling him you would've tossed Cal Hockley overboard - over the stern so that he got sucked into the propellers - without regret is not projecting a positive image. Is it even necessary?"
"Don't care...he's slime." Her reply was blunt, a verbal bludgeon that soon segued into numerous cutting remarks concerning Mr Hockley's character. "He's got no redeeming qualities whatsoever, cares more for his wealth than for his fiancee, and is a generally two-dimensional and awful villain - and I mean awful as in absolutely irredeemable and poorly-written. I rate Ismayhigher than him - Ismay! At least even if he was mischaracterized in that film he has a little more depth than that mustacheless mustache-twirling cardboard cutout!" Collingwood was taken aback - that she was on the warpath on the subject matter was enough of a tell for him regarding just how much it pissed her off, and after some moments of silence his only reply was "...Now that's just cold." At that moment, the other Titanic walked into Admiral Collingwood's office, stopping to salute. "You sent for me Admiral?- oh. Oh no. Awww crud."
"'Aw crud' sounds about right. What were you thinking, both of you?" Collingwood demanded, getting up from his chair and looking from one to the other. "Well for starters, our honour needed defending, and history needed clearing up," Mme. Titanic began, her expression still carrying a stubborn fire in her eyes. "These people perpetuated irritating misconceptions about us, our crew, our passengers, or sidelined the real stories in favour of fictional romances or hidden agendas!" "Fifteen hundred souls, Admiral! Fifteen hundred souls are owed that much, why should we not speak on their behalf? To say nothing of those- those atrocious excuses for animated films," the other Titanic added. "We ought to pay Italy a visit and slap those animation studios with lawsuits! It's slander-"
"...defamation-"
"...historical revisionism-"
"-and a joke in absolutely hideous taste!"
"Enough! Both of you, please." Admiral Collingwood straightened up to his full height as he raised his voice, striding over to the window to have a look outside before turning to face them once more. "Considering the ruckus your article's been making in entertainment circles these last few days I think you've more than made your point. There's no use flogging the dead horse long after it's been reduced to bones now is there? Besides, after you two published that little piece I highly doubt any filmmaker worth his salt would ever dare attempt another Titanic film with you two sitting in judgment over them." Silence, a silence more mollified/mortified than mutinous. Collingwood took the opportunity to go on. "Right. I'm burning these, so you don't get any funny ideas about sending them. Madame, with all due respect, do leave these people alone alright? The cast hardly had any ill intent to defame your memory or that of the passengers when the movie was made, and if anything it's only done more to hammer your reputation into public consciousness. As for you sir..." The admiral would turn to the other Titanic, folding his arms over his chest.
"What am I going to do with you?"
