10196: Whoever re-labeled instant repair buckets as "instant orgasm buckets" had better hope we don't find them.
Rule courtesy of TheBudgieAdmiral
Zuikaku stumbled through the hallways, her head throbbing and clouded with pain. The Abyssal raiding party had been as strong as expected, and their carriers had proven to be magnificent opponents. Zuikaku had only narrowly escaped several fatal blows, and together with the cruisers and destroyers taking potshots at her, the damage had added up quickly on her fragile structure.
Oh, and Zuikaku was also fuming. You see, a carrier usually should not take any surface fire, except in the most direst of situations. And in her excitement she might just possibly have overestimated her ability to deal with the escorts. So she had closed into artillery range. A move she regretted in hindsight, as it had afforded her some nasty new holes.
Luckily, Providence had intervened and her missile salvoes had cleared the sky above her head of enemy fighters, allowing her to launch an effective counterattack. A stupid mistake, foolish, and she had almost payed the ultimate price for it. And that made her angry.
"Ow!" Zuikaku yelped as her crumbled foot hit a doorframe, sending her to her knees clutching her fists, waiting for the pain to wear off. "Stupid Zuikaku. That was carrier 101 level stuff!" she scolded herself, and her fist hit the linoleum flooring in dismay at her performance in the fight.
Kaga would have scolded her, but at least that embarrassment she had been spared of, since the fleet carrier had taken a shell to the neck that had ruptured her vocal cords, or what passed for that in shipgirl anatomy. It wasn't the prettiest sight, and any human would probably have succumbed to such a hit, but her ship part had endured it without much difficulty. It would just take some lengthy dock time to fix.
Zuikaku's hands slumped onto a metal door, and she pushed it open with the weight of her body before stumbling into the room reserved for repair bucket storage.
Only that there were no repair buckets in the repair bucket storage room.
For a second, Zuikaku stood in the room, torn clothes and cuts and bruises all over her body, and just gaped at the rows and rows of empty shelves. Then she blinked. Nope, still empty.
"AKASHIII!" Zuikaku's voice echoed through the hallway, along with a healthy assortment of curses in Japanese and English before the bruised carrier stepped back int the hallway. The repair ship was running towards her, and at Zuikaku's angry glare, her worried expression turned into confusion.
"Jeez, what's wrong Zuikaku?" she asked. The carrier's arm pointed into the dimly lit room.
"THIS!" Zuikaku shouted, furious. "This is wrong! Why are we out of repair buckets?"
"We're WHAT?" Akashi responded, to Zuikaku's surprise with a credible panicked Expression her features. The repair ship stormed into the room, flicked the lighting on and stared at the empty shelves lining the walls.
"No." Akashi said, tears welling up in her eyes as the consequences of the events unraveled in her mind.
"Nonononononono this isn't happening!"
"What do you mean, you are the one keeping inventory! You did keep inventory, didn't you?!"
Akashi shot the injured carrier a glance colder than a nuclear winter. "Of course I was keeping inventory!" the repair ship shouted back. "Last I checked we had a full stock!"
"Then where did they go?"
Neither ship had an answer to this. But then Kuma showed up, a worried expression on her face. "Hey, have you seen Iku? She hasn't been around much lately, kuma…"
Slowly, a thought began to dawn in Zuikaku's and Akashi's heads, and the two ships, in favour of responding, went off to Iku's quarters.
Iku lived in a separate bungalow away from the main submarine habitation and the other classes' dormitories. Because of frequent noise complaints. To anyone knowing Iku, this won't come as any surprise. If you, the reader, have made it this far into the thread and have not picked up on Iku's off-duty activities… I envy your innocence.
Either way, a knock on the birchwood door yielded no results, and so Akashi breached the door on the spot. Too bad, that was a perfectly fine piece of furniture.
Inside, all doubts About the culprit were quickly silenced. The submarine girl was lying on the bed, scarcely clothed, and sleeping a content and exhausted sleep. A smile covered her features, and a drop of saliva decorated her lips. Noriko Kamata, the subgirl's love interest, wore a similar expression, was in a comparable state of undress and was likewise sleeping tightly. Behind them, the wall was lined with stacks upon stacks of empty repair bucklets.
"Why on Earth-" Zuikaku started, but was interrupted by Akashi squinting and moving closer to the buckets. Grabbing one. She inspected the label, and then held it so that Zuikaku could see it too.
"Instant Orgasm Buckets." Zuikaku read out aloud and stared in disbelief at the two persons on the bed before them. At the words, Iku began to stir and stretch slightly.
In quiet agreement, the two shipgirls made for the door. They weren't getting pain enough to deal with this shit. Let the two sleep out their exhaustion, and then have the Admiral deal with their misplacement of crucial war material. That would be the Battle of Midway of all dressdowns.
And then Zuikaku's foot caught on the doorframe, sending her falling onto her behind in the most unelegant way. Her yelp of pain and surprise did a good enough job of waking Iku and Kamata though.
...
With the two culprits handed over into Ooyodo's custody, Akashi and Zuikaku were now finally heading for the docks. The carrier had agreed to have Akashi support her and help her over to the repair facilities after the fall, and the two of them were limping into the bathhouse that served as the shipgirl's repair facility.
Zuikaku rounded a curtain, and immediately sighed in dismay. Across the room, Kaga sat in the water, neck in a complicated assortment of girders and platforms, numerous fairies working hard to fix the carrier's injury.
"With the lack of repair buckets we had to place Kaga in the docks instead." Akahsi explained. "She'll be a long while, the damage isn't fatal, but complicated to fix. Oh, and don't speak yet, or I will have my engineer fairies silence you, understand?" The last bit was directed at Kaga. Without the ability to nod or voice her agreement, the carrier gave a thumbs up!
Reluctantly, Zuikaku got into the bath. This was going to be so utterly boring. Urgh! She could already feel Kaga's eyes silently reprimanding her!
"Hey Kaga, you look horrible…" Zuikaku said in fake sorrow, internally listening for the footsteps of Akashi leaving the dockyard. Looking back, the repair ship waved a hand at the two and left the room. The second the door fell shut, Zuikaku turned to face her fellow injured carrier.
"If you say anything about my performance in the fight, I will have you incapacitated on the spot." Sighing, Zuikaku leaned against the bathtub rim, taking a moment to enjoy the warm, healthy water. She closed her eyes. "Let's just get this over with…"
A few seconds later, her phone pinged a message alert at the carrier. Annoyed, she opened her eyes and picked her phone up from the stack of towels.
"Can't talk, remember?"
"Besides, we both made that mistake. I would be in no position to talk you down, even if I could."
"Want to watch a movie or have a chat or something? I am in here for fifteen minutes now and I am already bored beyond comparison."
Well, that was unexpected. "You can get bored?"
"Yes."
"Uhh, I'm not sure how good the internet in here is, but we probably could stream a movie on our phones if you want."
"I don't have any app installed."
"Well, then I'll do that, hang on a second…" Within short order, the screen came alive with the intro to Brooklyn 101.
"What kind of show is this?"
"Oh, a comedy show about a police station or something." Zuikaku answered. "Bear with me, I haven't watched the show yet so I'm not sure if it's shit or not."
"I am not a fan of comedy shows."
"Tough luck." Zuikaku smirked. The carrier could have sworn Kaga had rolled her eyes just
"How can this get any worse?"
"Don't jinx it." Zuikaku warned, eyes not leaving the phone screen. "Before you know it we suffer an electricity failure or something."
"In this case your body will never be found."
"You're awfully confident for someone with a missing neck."
"You are awfully confident for someone with a crushed drive shaft and heavy superficial damage."
For a moment, the dock fell silent as the two carriers silently conceded each other's point. It took a whole ten seconds until the silence became unbearable.
"Let's watch the show. How bad can it be either way?"
