"Step right up, ladies and gentlemen, and watch the monkey baiting!" exclaimed Joker, ushering the patrons over to the monkey cage.

"Mr. J, are we just gonna keep pitting Cuddles against different animals until the zoo runs outta 'em?" asked Harley.

"Or until one of them kills him, yes," agreed Joker. "It's a solid business model that'll probably sustain us for a long time."

"Until someone notices what we're doing and calls the cops," retorted Harley. "Or until Batman shows up."

"He doesn't care about animal lives, just human ones," retorted Joker. "Thank God. He's not one of those crazy vegan types who think animal lives are just as valuable as humans', which is obviously insane."

"All right, where's this panda cub?" demanded Penguin, striding up to them.

"Speaking of crazies who think animal lives are more valuable than humans'," said Joker. "It's just over here, Pengers – Harley's looking after it…"

"No!" exclaimed Harley, clutching the still sleeping cub protectively to her. "You're not taking it!"

"He is if he's giving me ten grand for it," retorted Joker. "Which I assume you brought with you," he added, turning to Penguin. "Plus a little extra to see if Cuddles can beat the monkey!"

"You're not really making a monkey fight another animal, are you?" asked Penguin. "I can't believe people would pay money to see that."

"Well, that's why you're not a successful businessman, Pengers," sighed Joker. "You have no idea what the public wants, unlike me," he said, pulling out his cell phone and dialing a number. "Hey, Hatty, get down to the zoo and bring your mind control cards," he said. "If people get bored of betting on the fights, I wanna mind control the monkeys into doing a reenactment of that I Wanna Be Like You number from The Jungle Book. Who wouldn't pay to see dancing monkeys?"

"There aren't any monkeys left, Mr. J," said Harley, pointing at the cage where the honey badger had been let loose to unleash its ferocity on the inmates. The cage was now empty except for the scattered remains of ripped apart primates, and the honey badger still snarling, standing victorious among the carnage.

"Hatty, scratch that," said Joker, hanging up the phone suddenly. "Boys, move Cuddles over to the iguana cage! Let's see how long he lasts against reptiles!"

"Harley, give me the panda cub," demanded Penguin, holding out his arms.

"No!" she snapped, cuddling it tighter.

"Joker, control your woman!" demanded Penguin, rounding on him.

"Harley, you are not costing me more money!" snapped Joker. "Give him the damn panda!"

"No!" repeated Harley. "Run free, baby!" she exclaimed, throwing it toward the entrance to the zoo. The panda cub woke up briefly when it hit the ground, but instead of running to freedom, yawned and curled up to sleep again.

"Thank you," snapped Penguin, picking it up and heading for the exit.

"Hey, where's the ten grand?" demanded Joker, stepping in front of him.

"It will be wired to you," retorted Penguin. "I don't carry that kind of money around in my pocket."

"Well, you're not getting anything until I get the cash in hand," retorted Joker, grabbing the panda cub back.

"I'm not you, for God's sake!" snapped Penguin. "You can trust me! My word is actually worth something, unlike yours!"

"Yeah, tell that to the Gotham tax people!" retorted Joker. "Who haven't seen a red cent from your crappy dive in God knows how long!"

"The Iceberg Lounge is not a crappy dive!" shouted Penguin. "It's high quality fine dining in a stylish arctic setting, and it serves haute cuisine!"

"Haute cuisine if you're a penguin and enjoy raw fish," retorted Joker.

"Sushi is very fashionable!" retorted Penguin. "I'm sorry you have no taste!"

"I have excellent taste, which is why I'm telling you that raw seafood is disgusting!" retorted Joker. "It's everyone who eats that crap who has no taste!"

"I don't have time to argue with tasteless idiots - I'm leaving here with that panda cub now," said Penguin, pointing at it.

"Or what?" demanded Joker, pulling out his gun and aiming it at Penguin.

"Yeah, beat it, pal!" snapped Harley, taking the panda cub back from Joker and drawing her own gun on Penguin. "Or the next animal we're having Cuddles slaughter is a penguin!"

Penguin looked from one to the other of them, and then growled. "I'll be back for that cub once I get the cash out of my safe," he muttered, waddling off.

"Boss, the iguana didn't last ten seconds, and the crowd's getting restless," said a henchman, rushing over to Joker. "Now what do we do with the honey badger?"

"We need something big and mean," said Joker, looking desperately around the zoo. "Just to keep the audience's interest, and to give the animal a fighting chance against Cuddles. What about a rhino?" he asked, pointing at a rhinoceros.

"There's no way the honey badger has a fighting chance against that," said the henchman. "Its skin alone is like a metal shield."

"Exactly," said Joker, nodding. "It's the tank of the animal world."

"The fight's gonna be just as short, only the rhino's gonna win this time," said the henchman. "That doesn't solve the problem."

"Yes, it does," said Joker. "Because we're gonna tie the rhino up to give Cuddles a fighting chance. Sort of making the rhino fight with one hand tied behind its back, as it were. Harley!" he shouted. "Tie up the rhino while the boys move Cuddles to its pen!"

"You do it," retorted Harley, who was cuddling the sleeping panda cub again. "I'm watching the panda."

"There's no point in watching it – all it does is sleep!" snapped Joker. "But fine, I'll do it," he muttered, striding over to the rhino pen. "If you want something done right, you gotta do it yourself, that's always the way."

The rhino looked up as Joker climbed over the railing into his pen, but didn't react except to continue eating. Joker looked around and saw that a section of the pen had been roped off, probably for repairs. "Perfect!" he exclaimed, cutting the rope, and then bringing it back over to the rhinoceros, who looked up at him again and snorted, but continued eating.

"Here you go, pal, try this on for size," said Joker, tying a lasso in the rope and then tossing it around the rhino's neck. He tied the other end to the railing of the pen, and then shouted, "All right, boys, bring in Cuddles!"

The henchmen, who had learned the hard way not to handle the honey badger, had fitted a smaller lasso around its neck and now dragged it toward the rhino pen. The badger fixed its eyes on the rhino and snarled, and the instant the makeshift collar was released, launched itself at it.

It valiantly tried to kill the beast, but the rhino's hide was far too thick for its tiny teeth and claws to penetrate. All it did was annoy the rhino, as the pricking of a mosquito would annoy a human. And eventually, as humans did to mosquitoes, it lashed out.

The rhino suddenly gave a roar, rearing up and knocking the honey badger away from it. The honey badger was undeterred, and raced back for more, so the rhino tried again, slamming its huge horn against the badger while its body thrashed around. Under the force of the rhino's weight, it didn't take long for the rope restraining it to snap. And after that, the real chaos began.

The rhino charged at the critter, who managed to dash out if its way, sending the beast headlong with the full force of its massive body into the railing surrounding it. The railing never stood a chance – it burst apart, and the rhino raced out into the zoo, striking out at random with its horn and trampling anything that got in its way. And Harley and the panda cub lay right in its path.

With a roar, it charged at them. Harley hurried to her feet, grabbing the cub and trying to pull it out of the way, but it was basically dead weight as it slept, which made pulling difficult. Harley struggled as the rhino got closer and closer, and was almost upon them…

Harley was suddenly seized around the waist and ripped away from the cub. She screamed as she saw the baby trampled, and then rounded on the person who had pulled her out of harm's way, glaring at the masked face of Batman.

"Oh, great job, Bats!" she snapped. "You let the innocent panda die!"

"Would you rather it had been you?" demanded Batman.

"Boy, I certainly would," agreed Joker. "We just lost ten grand!"

"You stupid bat-faced loser! Why didn't you save the baby, huh?!" shrieked Harley, pummeling Batman, who was distracted by the rhino turning around and charging at them again.

"I got this, Bats, don't worry," said Joker, stepping forward. "Jumanji!" he shouted, throwing up his arms.

The rhino kept charging, and Batman seized Joker's collar, ripping him out of the way of the irate animal. "You know, I really thought that would work," said Joker. "One day I'll learn the difference between movies and real life, but it won't be today!"

Batman said nothing, releasing them both and facing off against the rhino, who kept charging at the remaining henchmen and patrons, all of whom were trying to flee in panic. Batman shot his grappling hook at the animal, and it caught around its neck. He then tried to pull it back toward its pen, but the beast was too strong, ripping Batman off his feet and dragging him along with it. Batman released the grappling hook and struggled to his feet, trying to think of a different solution. He noticed an empty cage nearby, and raced toward it, throwing open the door and standing in the doorway. Then he shot a Batarang at the rampaging rhino, to get its attention. It worked, and the animal whirled around, charging straight for him. Batman waited until he saw the whites of the beast's eyes, and then launched himself up to the top of the cage. The rhino charged into the cage, slamming against the iron bars on the other side, as Batman dropped down behind it, and then slammed the door shut and locked it, containing the animal inside. The rhino snorted and thrashed, but the iron bars were too strong, and eventually it settled down.

Batman looked around – the zoo was now empty, and Joker and Harley had long gone. He noticed Penguin approaching the gate with a briefcase in hand, whose face fell when he saw Batman standing there.

"The clowns are gone, aren't they?" he muttered.

"Unfortunately," agreed Batman. "What's in the briefcase?"

"Nothing," said Penguin, innocently. "You don't happen to know if they took a panda cub with them, do you?"

"It got crushed by a charging rhinoceros," retorted Batman.

"That's it, I'm never doing business with Joker again!" exclaimed Penguin. "Good day, Batman," he said, turning around to leave.

"Just a second," said Batman, stepping in front of him. "I want to see what's in that briefcase."

"It's none of your business," retorted Penguin. "You're not the police, and it's perfectly legal for a man to carry around his own money!"

"Not if it's stolen money," replied Batman. "Which I suspect it is. I think you'd better come down to GCPD with me, Oswald. Just to be safe," he added, cracking his knuckles.

"Oh, very well!" snapped Penguin. "But Joker is paying my bail! This is all his fault!"

"I believe you," said Batman. "But he's not here to take the rap."

"No, he's off to ruin someone else's night," muttered Penguin. "At least I'm not alone in that."

"Believe me, you're not," agreed Batman.