"Well, that explains a lot," commented Two-Face as he interrupted Joker's narrative once again. "I think we were all a little bewildered when we saw you pass by the window at breakfast, but it was early, so I figured I just hadn't had enough coffee yet. Either that, or I figured Pam poisoned the coffee so I was hallucinating things."

"Honestly, Harvey, let it go!" snapped Ivy. "Just because I poisoned you there once doesn't mean I'm going to do it again! Stop being so paranoid!"

"It was certainly a sign the day wasn't going to get any better," muttered Tetch.

"Yes, we can take over the narration at this point in the story," commented Crane.

"Nobody is taking over anything!" snapped Joker. "This is my story, not yours, so just write down what I tell you!"

"But we're all about to have a much more prominent role in it, unfortunately," sighed Ivy. "Because you always have to drag us into your ridiculous schemes when we're all just trying to mind our own business. You always bring the Bat down on us, and then we're forced to defend ourselves from him."

"Plus if you're seriously considering publishing this, it would be helpful to have this part from our perspective, or people are going to wonder why we've just suddenly showed up," said Crane. "It would make no narrative sense for us to just pop in like this unless you explain why we're there."

"What are you, a literary critic?" demanded Joker.

"No, but I have read quite a bit," replied Crane. "And I know what readers find satisfactory, and what they don't. Besides, sophisticated writers frequently use different narrators as a way of enriching the story, and illustrating similar events from differing points of view."

"I tend to agree with Johnny – we should explain how they all got involved," said Harley. "Otherwise it's gonna look like too big a coincidence that they just showed up right when we needed them."

"First of all, I didn't need them," retorted Joker. "And second of all, it's already a pretty big coincidence that they were all in the right place at the right time in order to show up."

"It's not that big a coincidence, and it would make sense if you would just let us explain it," retorted Two-Face.

Joker shrugged. "Ok, bore the audience for a while," he sighed. "I'll take over when it gets interesting again."

"Well, Pam and I had gone for breakfast at the Rose Café, which is a place we used to go when we were dating, and where she poisoned me…" began Two-Face.

"But his new coin said it would be ok, and the food is excellent," finished Ivy. "Anyway, we were there eating breakfast when two familiar figures walked in."

"Johnny? Jervis?" said Two-Face, nearly dropping his coffee mug in shock as he saw them. "What are you two doing here?"

"You both look terrible," said Ivy, bluntly, as she sipped on her drink.

"Thank you, Pamela – good morning to you too," muttered Crane, as he and Tetch sat down next to them.

"You look like you could use this," said Two-Face, pouring them both a cup. "It's coffee substitute – Pam won't have any drink made from plants at the table, but it's got caffeine in it anyway."

"I need tea – I don't care if she doesn't like it," snapped Tetch, gesturing for the waiter. "I need a whole pot after the night we've had."

"You should have the coffee substitute, because I've poured two cups," said Two-Face, glaring at him.

"I'll take them both," said Crane. "I need double the caffeine anyway."

"Rough night, huh?" asked Ivy. "Was it Batman?"

"Worse," snapped Crane. "The clown."

"He forced us to dig up and mutilate a dead body at gunpoint," muttered Tetch, as the waiter placed a pot of tea in front of him. "After which he forced us to burn down our apartment."

"How did he force you to do that?" asked Two-Face.

"He and Harley had sex in it," muttered Crane.

"In my bed," voiced Tetch, shuddering.

"Yeah, you really had no choice," agreed Ivy.

"We're staying at the hotel around the corner, but Jervis insisted on coming here for breakfast because of the name," said Crane. "It's some Wonderland reference, but I'm too tired to remember what."

"Chapter Eight," murmured Tetch. "'A large rose-tree stood near the entrance of the garden: the roses growing on it were white, but there were three gardeners at it, busily painting them red. Alice thought this a very curious thing, and she went nearer to watch them, and just as she came up to them she heard one of them say…'"

"Hey, hey, hey, we don't wanna plagiarize other people's work here!" exclaimed Joker, interrupting Tetch. "What do I look like, the president of Harvard? There wasn't any plagiarism in my part of the story, so just keep it moving so you can get back to me!"

"I interrupted him at the time too," said Ivy. "I think I said something like…"

"Nobody wants to hear about your genocidal fantasies, Jervis!" snapped Ivy. "It's not enough that you've murdered my babies for your drink, now you gotta share your desires for plant suffocation, you freak?!"

"Madam, I'm really in no mood for your ridiculous temper tantrums today!" snapped Tetch. "I've had a horrendous night, and the last thing I need this morning is some Queen of Hearts figure demanding my head because she's obsessed with vain trivialities!"

"My babies are not trivialities!" shrieked Ivy, slamming her cup down.

Things could have gotten quite ugly quite quickly, but at that moment, an almighty screeching came from outside the restaurant, and everyone turned to look out the window.

They saw, almost in slow motion, a car drive past with Harley at the wheel. The car was dragging a huge metal room after it that screeched and set off sparks as it slid over the road, and on top of the room, Batman and the Joker were in the middle of a fight, where Batman very clearly had the upper hand, literally. He was lifting Joker up with a fist raised to punch him, when Joker noticed who was watching them from the window of the café. Joker waved cheerfully, before Batman's fist collided with his face.

As they all stared in amazement at the scene before them, a figure suddenly came crashing through the window, landing on the table in front of them. "Oh my God, I told him to leave Bruce alone!" shouted Two-Face, standing up and lifting the body off the table. "Oh…it's just a mannequin of Bruce," he said, relieved. "Why is there a mannequin of Bruce? And where's his arm?" he asked, noticing one was missing.

"There," said Ivy, pointing at Joker, who was brandishing the mannequin's arm and trying to hit Batman with it so he would put him down, ineffectively. Harley noticed them at that moment, and started waving her arms and screaming.

"Help!" she shrieked. "I can't stop this thing – the brakes don't work, and the vault will crush the car if I crash it!"

Ivy sighed heavily, standing up. "Come on," she muttered, leaving the café resignedly. "We can't let Harley die. It's one of the reasons I'm always so desperate for her to leave the clown – aside from the obvious fact that she deserves better, her staying with him means that whenever he's in mortal danger, she is too, and then I have to save her, rather than just let J and Bats destroy each other. They would have killed each other a million times by now without Harley being there to save them, and that would only be a blessing."

The others murmured their agreement as they followed Ivy into the ruined street. She held up her hands, and a mass of plant roots burst out of the ground. They seized onto the car and the attached vault, wrapping them tightly in their vines, and slowly pulling them to a grinding halt.

"Thanks, Red, I owe you for saving our bacon!" exclaimed Harley, leaping out of the car and hugging her.

"I wouldn't thank her just yet," commented Crane, pointing up to where Ivy's vines had entrapped Batman and Joker in a tight, strangling hold.

"No, Red, please, let them go!" begged Harley. "Well, at least let Mr. J go."

"Batman's not going to drop him even if the plants let him go," retorted Ivy. "So they'll just have to die together."

Joker managed to reach into his pocket and withdrew a playing card, which he tossed at a nearby building. The card exploded on impact, setting the building and several plants on fire. Ivy hissed in pain as the plants released them.

"You son of a bitch!" she roared. "This is the thanks I get for saving you?!"

Joker couldn't respond, as Batman's hands were tight around his throat, and Harley looked around to find some way to help him. She noticed that they had ended up back near the zoo, and hurried over to where the rhino had been locked in the cage.

"Hey, you remember that Bat guy, huh?" she said, unlocking it. "Go get him!"

Unfortunately, the rhinoceros didn't understand English, and rather than target Batman, it immediately began rampaging everywhere, attacking anyone it could find.

This did, however, have the intended effect of causing chaos, and caused Batman to drop Joker as he tried to rein in the rhino again. Joker scrambled to his feet, shouting, "Go!" at Harley.

"But we can't leave our friends!" exclaimed Harley, as the rhino charged toward Ivy and Two-Face.

"Run, Harvey!" shouted Ivy, following her own advice.

"I just gotta consult the coin…" began Two-Face, but the rhino suddenly ploughed straight into him, knocking him to the ground.

"Bats will save them – come on!" snapped Joker, grabbing Harley's hand and dragging her away.

"But he'll send them back to Arkham!" exclaimed Harley. "And abandoning them to the Bat is a pretty sorry way to treat 'em after they saved us…"

"They should learn to mind their own business – they'll be a lot happier that way," agreed Joker, pulling her back toward the restaurant. "This is a good lesson for them not to stick their nose where it don't belong."

"Uh…is someone gonna settle their bill?" asked the waiter, who was standing outside watching the destruction.

"Yeah, I'll get it," said Joker, reaching into his pocket and handing him a credit card. "Least I can do in the circumstances."

"Aw, Mr. J, you're so thoughtful!" said Harley, beaming at him as the waiter printed the receipt. "Just the sweetest guy…hey, wait a minute," she said, as she read the name on the card. "This is Bruce Wayne's credit card."

"Yeah, it was on the mannequin," said Joker, nodding as he forged Bruce's signature. "But it appears to be real, and he can afford it. Now let's beat it before Bats gets that rhino under control and takes us back to Arkham with the rest of those losers."

"Mr. J, we have to save them," said Harley, firmly. "And when we do, they'll be so grateful, that they're gonna wanna help us with your business. We do need more employees if we're gonna make Joker Enterprises a success."

"Well, you have a point," agreed Joker, watching as Batman rounded up first the rhino and then the Rogues, dragging them in the direction of the nearby police station. "I suppose we can plan a little rescue operation."

"What do you have in mind?" asked Harley.

"Nothing so far," said Joker. "You know my mind is always working though. And frankly, I'm in the mood for another game of dress-up."