I'M ALIVE. MORE INFO ON WHERE I'VE BEEN LATER. ENJOY THIS SHITSHOW!


Location: The 'Beast's Castle' (Six's POV)

Time: 13:00

Took us a few minutes to get inside and by golly did the interior lighten the hell up. When we arrived it was like someone ripped the insides of Vault 11 and slapped it in a medieval setting, now the damn place isn't straining my sanity!

Anyways, after reconciling with the now-human servants, the five of us and Pyr decided it was probably the best time to explain what in brahmin shit is going on…

"So…" I started "I take it everyone is a bit uh…"

"Sbalordito than a Moolie smoking dope in Hu- CAZZO THAT HURTS BELLA!" Vito interrupted before getting smacked hard in the face by a rather pissed off Belle.

"I may be in love with you Vito, but control your langu-" Belle retorted back before another voice screamed, this time from the Elite.

"JESUS CHRIST JUST GET ON WITH IT. I NEED TO FIGURE OUT WHERE THE FUCK IS WILSON." 3650 screamed back to the troubled couple. "seriously what the fuck was the OP of this story smoking when writing this?" [Wild Wasteland]


"Thank you 36. Anyways, I gathered you all here for a pseudo introductory meeting on who the hell we are before anyone else thinks we're crazy. Got it?" I replied, all nodded. "Good."

"I'll go first before passing it over to Vito…" I took a breath and started my tale.

"My name… Is Courier Six. Yeah yeah, like the damn number. I'm from a world where, long story short, got a bit too horny for oil and ran it dry in the 2050s, fought for what's left of it, until finally nuking each other on October 23rd, 2077.. I can't remember my birth date, but I will tell you that I was alive during that period." I paused, noticing a few shocks among the crowd, especially Vito, before continuing.

"Before you ask how, I was a security guard for a casino some rich snob called "Sinclair". Won't go much into him but he was about to open called The Sierra Madre. Chance to begin again my ass… On the date of the Great War, I was taking a few rounds in the Tampico Theater when the security system we had activated..." I sighed, pulling out some Scotch and chugging the whole bottle before continuing.

"You see... Our 'security system' was made up of these indestructible holographic beings we had set up for defense and or emergency. I have no clue why, but the system turned and started mowing down patrons and some of my co-workers left and right, families were committing suicide to escape the travesty, and to make matters worse all connection to the outside world was out. I was only able to escape and survive through the old sewer system.. When I crawled outta the area and found the nearest town, it was nothing but a pile of rubble… The wasteland was born." I finished.


"Shit… I've seen worse down in Sicily… But full on nuclear war? Guess the ol' world never changes." Vito said, breaking the silence

"That you are Vito…" I replied before Vito spoke again. "So how da Hell you get so armored up with the floatin' tin-can there and Mr. House? And how'd you know about this Castle and Uh.." Vito stopped as his eyes focused on Belle "Bella here."

"Why do you keep saying that, M-"

"Do I need to explain to you Signora that I'm from the Old Country?" Vito replied to the bookworm.

"And I'm from a remote village here! At least you're not Gaston!"

"I'm sorry who?"

"Gaston's... A womanizing ass from my village who'd try anything to get me to marry Him.." Belle replied back, noticing Vito not trying to laugh.

"What?" Belle started "What's so funny?"

"Nothin.. Nothin… Just the way's you described 'im reminds me of how Joe is back in Empire Bay!" Scaletta laughed, reminiscing of Joe's pickup lines. Could've sworn I heard in the distance something about a 'Rosie Palm and her five sisters' until Belle screamed like she saw Lanius for the first time.

"YOU WERE FRIENDS WITH A GASTON IMPERSONATOR?" I couldn't help but join in laughing too at these two arguing before breaking it up.

"Alright, that's enough for you two. We'll get to ya later Vito" I butted in. "Anyways, I'm just gonna list the rest of my life before and after the bombs in a short list. Okay? Good."

I chugged some more scotch and continued.


"I'm originally from this world, enlisted in the Second World War, fell in love, woke up to realize it was a dream, met the girl again, saw her again only to realize she was murdered, did odd mercenary jobs around the world before the Madre, join the Desert Rangers after that shit show in the Sierra Madre, Tag-Teamed with a crazy tribal with a Highwayman for a Holy GECK, Fought the Enclave on an Oil Base, assimilated into the NCR Rangers after the merger, assigned to deliver a package to my team's base in Hopeville, The Divide Fuck-Up happened, I discharged myself afterwards, became a courier, nearly left for dead in Goodsprings, and now I'm Mr. House's foreign 'Ambassador'." I finished, taking a few panty breaths to a dumbfounded group in a meeting.

"WHAT/QUOI/WHAT!?"

"Do I need to repeat myself?" I asked.

"Please don't, Six." Pyrrha answered. "Although I have to ask... why do you look so young still?"

"To answer that, I really don't know." I replied. "My guess is it's a combo of that, Radiation, and god knows what else. Either that or the Author is la-"


"Ah! Courier! There you are." A new voice rang over my Pip-Boy, it was House.

"Oh! Hey House. Guessing you heard the whole thing?" I questioned back.

"Yes. I did. To say that I'm displeased or surprised isn't true. In fact, this will make our cooperation easier for a brighter future in Vegas!" House exclaimed through the Pip-Boy before sensing the rest in the room.

"I see some people here have never met my presence… I am Robert Edwin House. Founder of Rob-Co Robotics and ruler of the Vegas Strip." He boomed. "It's a pleasure to finally meet you in person, madam Belle… "

"House don't try to pull a M-"

"Those days are over for me, Six." House snapped back. "Besides, I only came here to give you an update on Raul and Joshua's quest. There have been no signs of Maurice anywhere in the forest. It's as if he vanished into thin air.. If I had my Rob-Co Satellites in this world it'd be much easier to track, but alas that isn't the case.." House paused as he brought up the Pip-Boy's local map before continuing.

"The two relayed a message asking for more help on finding Belle's Father. I relayed their current location on your Pip-Boy. I expected it to be dangerous, so I managed to scrounge up something from Vito's… Past." He paused, as I turned to see Vito go wide-eyed at House's last sentence.

"Anything else, boss?" I asked

"There is one more thing. Your companions also brought more help along the way. Phillip and… Aurora are their names.." I froze when those two names were said. Prince Phillip. The same prince who slayed a dragon turned Bounty Hunter ala Colonel Mortimer style is now riding with my crew.

"Say no more. We'll pack up and high-tail it to 'em"

"I'll try and get more info when I can along with reinforcements. Good luck." House finished as the screen went back to normal.

For a few moments everything was silent until I heard banging on the library door.

"I'll get it!" Pyrrha said. As she was about to open the door, it flung wide open and was knocked off her feet. Coming into the room was two insanely Italian men and a bi-pedal turret. One of the men was dressed in a tuxedo and looked like he'd seen some shit and the other was wearing a brown jacket and Hawaiian… WAIT. HOUSE WHAT THE FU-


"VITO! MIO FRATELLO! HOW'VE YA FUCKIN BEEN?" The fat one screamed out loud as I saw him walk up to Vito.

"WAI WOAH WOAH JOE!? HENRY!? H- HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GUYS GET HERE!?"

"After I died, I got sent to some fuckin' Idunno… Greek-Jewish Reaper with blue skin and a bath-robe? Stayed there 'till a man on a screen resurrected my ass and brought me 'ere.."

"Well, 'least you ain't swarmed by the Yellows in Chinatown.. Welcome back Henry. Waitaminute, how the fuck you'd get here Joe?"

"Remember the five bucks you owe me-DANNAZIONE WHERE'D YOU FIND THIS DAME VITO!? YOU SETTLIN DOWN ALREADY?" Joe teased as he eyed Belle.

"WE'RE NOT THAT FAR IN YET/NOUS NE SOMMES PAS SI LOIN ENCORE" Both yelled back before angrily looking away.

"HA! YOU ACTUALLY ARE! CAN YOU BELIEVE IS HENRY? VITO'S GETTING SOFT IN THE ASS HERE!" Joe finished before breaking down laughing over a blushed Belle and Vito.

I turned around to see 3650 breaking down over the turret reciting the 'Wilson' line from a Pre-War film repeatedly between sobs [Wild Wasteland].

"I think I drank too much scotch today." I muttered.

"Ya think/Beeps in Yes" The two answered back.


Location: New Orleans, Louisiana (POV Change)

Time: 23:00 (Several Hours Earlier the next day):

In a rainy swamp outside of New Orleans, an armed ADHD man was re-telling a story on how the AWP was made. "So they showed up and the requisition officers were happy, 'ya know this looks like a really good operation you guys got going here, let's go out to lunch.' So they go out to lunch and while they were at lunch the officers were like 'Yea this was really more of a formality, we just wanted to make sure you weren't just three guys in a shed.' 'Hahahahahaha, oh my God, we're in do much trouble!' Anyway, it ended up getting adopted, and it's a really, really good rifle." Zach finished and looked back to a laughing Mike.

"I don't know what gets me. The fact that three guys in a shed made the best rifle for the British Military or the fact they cheesed their way through it." He chuckled, wiping a fake tear from his eye.

"That's the many reasons for liking guns!" Zach exclaimed out loud through the night. "You can't get enough of it-" his reply was cut short when he heard what sounded like a fight going on in a small boat.


"Motha… Fucka?" The super mutant asked.

"OH ME OH MY IT'S MY LUCKY DAY! BAD GUNS ARE IN THE VICINITY!" Zach grinned cheekily as he pulled out a random Mp5 from his ass, HK Slapping it hard. "You two stay here, I'll take care of this!" he whispered to his colleagues.

"Sure, okay! Don't get eaten!/Mothafucka!" Zach rushed to what appeared to be three greasy rednecks fighting the same frogs from earlier, one of them pulled out a home-made double barrel and fired it nearly hitting one of the man's private partsa-

"WHAT IN THE EVERLOVING FUCK OF ALL THAT IS GUN-JESUS WAS THAT BREAK ACTION FIRING!?"All five stopped and turned to see a very pissed off Zach, pointing an Mp5 right at the hunter's face.

"Whatchu doin in our parts 'ere b-" the smartest of the bunch replied before getting his head pierced by a 9mm.

"I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR SEXUAL ORIENTATION. JUST SHUT UP AND DIE QUIETLY!" He screamed before shooting the other two down, much to the frog's horrors.

"MIKE, BADMOTHAFUCKA. THEY'RE TAKEN CARE OF! I GOT STUFF TO SHOW YOU AND RANT ABOUT NOW." The two from earlier ran over to see what Zach is up to.

"Zach, there better be a reason on why'd you call us over here/Mothafucka" both replied before another voice broke out.


"OH HEAVENS ABOVE IT'S YOU THREE AGAIN!?" The female one asked.

"Oh hey! It's the talking frogs again an- IS THAT A BIPEDAL GATOR AND BEARDED FIRE-FLY?" The three armed men raised their weapons as the 'bipedal gator and firefly' started a Mexican standoff.

"DON' U DARE LAY A SINGA FINGER ON CHER./I AIN'T PREPARED FOR THIS!" 'The gator yelled out again as he jumped back into a razor pricked bush screaming in agony.

"Okay first off. I'm not. I'm just a uh… I'm a Traveling Folk singer! OH THERE ONCE WAS A MAN WHO LIVED ON A MOUNT-"

"LISTEN I AINT GOT NO TI-"

"Hang on Tiana- I got dis.." The other frog said in a weird accent.

"Apologies for the waitress's behavior, I am Prince Navee-" Before he can finished he was squished by Mothafucka's Super-sledge before continuing in a weakly tone.

"..of Maldonia."


"...What the fuck is a Maldonia?"

"Sir, I questioned that several times and gotten nowhere… I'm Tiana. The gator you just covered in thorns and firefly is Louis and Ray." The first frog answered before continuing.

"I saw you two earlier at the party breaking into Lotties room about a… Fort Polk? Were you in the army?"

"Don't make me start on that shithole fort but yes I was… ANYWAYS, I'm Zank and this is Mike and BadMothafucka.. Want me to grab your friend from the bush?"

"THAT'D BE'A WONDERFUL TO RAYMON'S LIGHTY BUTT!"

"Ray… Just don't." Tiana replied back.


After a short period of getting Louis unstuck from the bush, Mike continued the conversation.

"I just gotta ask here Tiana but, how did you turn into a frog?" Mike started before Zach butted in.

"Yeah it better be a good explanation for making me waltz through this shithole state wasting ammo on leeches and… other stuff?"

He awkwardly finished to a death-staring Louis before the other frog from earlier, before the camera finally fades away to Zach, Mike, and BadMothafucka listening to a tale of shadowmen and voodoo kings.


AN: MONKEY ON A MULE THIS SHIT WAS HARD TO WRITE.

Okay so. Finally got this chapter done. Burnouts from writing this, other hobbies, a hacked Discord account, and work does that to a man coked-up on archiving stuff on the PRR.

Reviews have been slow but thanks either way! Writing fics like this without sounding insane cough cough Loud House Multi Fic with 30 Million words and disrespectful 9/11 and pearl harbor chapters, E rated gooner fics meant to sadists and FBI watchlists, etc cough cough.

I'm only doing this for fun. And NO. I WILL NOT WRITE SEX SCENES IN THIS YOU ABSOLTUE COOMBRAINED JAG-OFFS. I'LL HAVE JOSHUA LIVE IN YOUR WALLS UNTIL YOU STOP THE DEGENERACY.

Anyways yeah.. Vito's got his buddies back, Wilson exists, and Mikeburnfire is on full blown ADHD. Next chapter will come when I get my ass to write it. See ya when I see ya.