Chapter 8
The wind soft upon your face
Haymitch's eyes were bleary and red when he crossed the threshold to the kids' house. He peeked his head in the living room long enough to see Annie asleep on the couch with her boy curled up close, before he headed for the kitchen.
"Morning, handsome." Seven's victor sat perched up against the kitchen sofa, a piece of straw between her lips. The oven was on and Katniss stood by the sink putting layers of fish slices and cheese into a greased baking dish.
"Need any help?" Haymitch asked. His voice was still slurred from just waking up.
"Nothing to do yet really," Katniss said. "Johanna already set the table. You can help Effie."
"Your Capitol babe went down to pick apples," Johanna said.
Haymitch's brow crinkled.
"Not my babe," he answered. "Why's she picking apples?"
"Pie. So you have until dinner if you wanna scrump her."
Haymitch gave her a scowl that Johanna returned with a wink and a wiggle of the straw between her teeth.
"Thanks," he said, poured himself a glass of water than he gulped down before leaving without another word.
Apples. When it came to trying something new Effie sprung to action, eagerly as a child. Had she offered to do the baking as well? Would have to be over at the kids' house then. He'd only just aired out the smoke from her last cooking attempt.
Haymitch sighed.
What he wouldn't do for a trip to the Hob! To have a proper drink in peace and refill his stashes, with both Effie and the kid conveniently out of the way.
But still, he felt he ought to give Effie a hand. She'd been taking care of their guests and she didn't kick up a fuss when he fell asleep after lunch.
Besides, with his luck he bet the kid would show up just when he came back with his clinking bag and even though he wasn't one to ever apologize for his drinking he didn't feel good about waving his bottles right before the boy's eyes.
He was a strange little specimen, Finn, staring at him and following him around, especially when Haymitch checked on the geese and thought he would get a few moments alone with the bottles hidden in the shelter.
It was spooky how much he resembled his father. Same bronze-colored hair. Same sea-green eyes. Annie sent them a photo after his birth and there'd been a resemblance even then of course but when he saw the kid step out onto the platform with his mother and Johanna and Effie he'd actually started. Because it was like looking at a younger version of Finnick.
Of course, he couldn't be one hundred percent sure about the eyes. Annie's were sea-green too. She looked much healthier than last time he saw her even if she had a tendency to drop out of the conversation sometimes. But not when it came to Finn and Haymitch also noticed that whenever it happened Johanna was the one bringing her back, by throwing her a comment or a question or sometimes just with a squeeze of her shoulder. Johanna had been one of the first to learn about the baby and she'd come with Annie when she returned to Four. Not because she had to or wanted to (she hadn't) but for feeling a responsibility because of Finnick.
The three of them now lived in the Victor's Village. All Four's victors save Annie were gone but their surviving family members – their lives had always been closely bonded, like they were really one family, and even more so in their common loss after the war. Annie and Finn with the occasional comment from Johanna told them about their home and you could easily see it before your mind's eye. The children cross-legged on the ground playing clap games. The gentle breeze that brushed through the laundry hung up to dry. The grown-ups drinking coffee on their front step. Four's houses weren't wooden like in Twelve but square shaped, whitewashed stone with patches of vegetables and herb gardens under the windows, separated by rows of seashells. And wherever you went in the district you were never far from the ocean.
Haymitch put his hands in his pockets as he trudged on, leaving his own Victor's Village behind.
Had Effie and the others been down to the market yet? They'd meant to go yesterday and visit Peeta's stall but the dark rain clouds had moved the rest of them indoors while only Haymitch went down to the square to see if the boy needed any help. Peeta and several other merchants always put up street stalls this time of year and would continue to do so every weekend until the Harvest Festival in November.
For some reason Johanna's earlier comment resounded in his head. About scrumping Effie instead of the apples.
Witty, he thought tiredly.
Back during the Games Johanna, Chaff and Finnick never tired of teasing him about Effie. It took Haymitch years to make Chaff even believe there'd actually never been any "friends with penthouse benefits" going on between him and his pink-haired escort. And once he had convinced him, Chaff just thought he was a moron for not taking the chance. "What a waste," he'd said. "At least your's hot."
Good thing Katniss and Peeta weren't gossipy and that Johanna didn't care enough to ask someone, like Sae; even though the girl sometimes spoke like she knew about a certain New Year's event.
Nothing had ever happened since the Hob and he didn't plan on repeating it. They'd slept in the same bed but even though there'd been mornings when he woke with a hard-on because there was a woman next to him and he wasn't dead he just shifted his body to hide it from Effie or, if it was really bad, took care of it in the shower. He kept his fingers crossed that Effie didn't know anything about it.
Something had shifted in their relationship these past months, sure. In the Capitol he'd practically told her she was family. But he'd only meant like how Johanna had come to be a part of Annie's and Finn's family. Obviously.
Uninvited, the memory of Effie wrapped around him in that small restroom filled his mind and Haymitch irritably pushed the thought away.
"Mistake," he muttered to a spider crawling up a web just as he reached the Meadow and the surrounding woods.
No one remembered when the handful of apple trees were first seeded or if they just grew up on their own but Sae said they'd borne fruit back when she was a girl too.
Scrumping apples back when he was a kid was risky no matter when you did it but really early mornings were still a safer card than evenings and nights when the district swam over with peacekeepers making sure no one was out after the final toll of the bell announcing the curfew.
As long as he lived he'd never forget the morning woods, thick with fog and completely silent except for the buzz from the fence. To his dying day he would remember how the moist air felt against his lips when he hurried his steps, his shoes getting wet with dew and how the rain dropped from the leaves and into his hair when he picked the apples in a sack made out of an old shirt and sprinted back across the Meadow and the Seam on the other side.
Haymitch trudged through the woods, his mind elsewhere. He passed the large oak tree and that was when he saw her.
Afterwards he would think it had taken him several moments to realize it even was Effie. He stopped, right in a large fern and stared at the woman under the apple trees.
Effie hadn't spotted him yet. She was humming the new national anthem of Panem to herself, wonderfully off-key. Her hand closed around a fruit that she examined closely before she picked it and put it in a straw basket at her feet. She gave a small exhale and took a moment to tuck her reddish blonde hair behind her ears.
What on Earth had made her skip the head wrap? Finn? Sae? Or was it all her own making? Certainly wasn't his.
But it was the dress, that gray dress, that more than anything else made the hairs on Haymitch's arms stand right up. And not just his hairs…
A smile lit up Effie's face when she finally saw him and she propped the apple basket on her hip as she went over to him.
"I'm glad you came."
Haymitch's mouth was so dry he could hardly swallow, let alone answer. He stared at her dress. It was light gray, covered her chest all the way up to her collarbones and just brushed her kneecaps.
Effie's hand went to her hair, almost shyly, thinking it was the reason he stared.
"Something new I'm trying," she said. "Mrs. Sae almost didn't recognize me. I still don't know quite how to feel about having it loose, it's been years. But I thought I'd give it a try."
She smiled at him and he only just managed to hold back a moan.
"It's good you are here because I'm not one hundred percent sure how many apples we need. We're surprising Finn and Annie with an apple pie."
The basket was left closer between them and Effie resumed her picking, talking about their visit to the market earlier. Haymitch tried to follow her example but when he grabbed his first apple he broke almost the whole branch down. And then he missed with several meters when he tried to throw the fruit into the basket. He could hardly even bend over to pick it up in his condition.
What the hell's wrong with me? She's not even sexy. It's just a plain gray dress.
Too late he realized she saw him gaping at her again for she smiled and waved her hand with a glint in her eyes. Sweat tricked down his back and he clenched his jaw, wishing himself miles away.
"You're so flustered today," Effie chuckled, watching his red cheeks. She picked an apple from her tree and walked over to him, the sun and the shadows playing over her hair, her face, her dress.
Sweet, dear God…
"Getting too old to pick apples, Haymitch?" Effie smiled and held up the fruit.
She looks like she's lived in Twelve all her life.
"Want a taste?"
A choked sound came over Haymitch's lips and he closed the space between them.
For a fraction of a second when he heard her intake of breath, he thought he'd be rewarded for his boldness with a big fat slap. Then there was only the soft thud when the apple hit the grass and they were in each other's arms.
And it was the Hob all over again. All that wise thinking for months and months and just five minutes ago, crumbled into dust under their kisses. He pressed her to him, touching her, kissing her, tasting her and she returned it with as much heat, more intoxicating than any bottle.
"Haymitch," she gasped when they sank down onto the ground, Effie first and Haymitch after. With deft flicks of his thumb and forefinger he undid the top buttons of her dress and kissed her breasts as they were exposed.
His lips and tongue were warm against her skin and Effie threw her head back, her breasts pressing up to his face. One of her hands went down fumbling with his belt buckle but he was already on that and she wound her arms around his neck and lifted her hips up, allowing him to pull her panties down.
Their lips met again, sloppily in their eagerness and the skirt of her dress barely concealed the fact that she was naked and wet and open.
But even then there was something on her mind, battling to get the message through.
"Haymitch," she panted and they were so close together she felt the tip of him graze by her entrance. "Haymitch, I'm not on anything," she all but cried out, voice pained from holding back.
"I'll pull out," Haymitch answered breathlessly. "I swear, I'll pull out."
Effie groaned, eyes heavy-lidded. Hands against his shoulders. She brought him down for another kiss. Their touch heated. Desperate. Full of need.
"But you have to be really careful, OK", she sighed, breath hot against his lips. "We can't have an accident. I don't want to get pregnant."
"Yeah, yeah", Haymitch panted. With his hand for aid, he slid himself into her in one fluid motion. "I mean, no. Course not."
The wet grass had soaked through the back of Effie's dress and she didn't care. Someone could come through the woods and see them and she didn't care about that either. Her ballet flats slid off her feet, first one and then the other. Her hands clutched around fistfuls of his shirt and she moved her hips upwards when he got down, taking him deeper inside her each time.
"Gotta be quiet, Eff," Haymitch mumbled and clenched his jaw to not lose control over himself.
"Ohh!" Effie groaned and he silenced her with his lips before she'd announce to everyone what they were doing; before her voice that used to annoy the crap out of him would make him come inside her and end this in a disaster.
We shouldn't do this. We really shouldn't. Not here. Not at all.
But she was too near, too real, too unbelievably soft through that odd, plain dress. Effie's hand came up next to her head and their fingers entwined with such certainty as he kept moving in and out of her.
The tree tops swayed high above their heads but she was higher. The wind brushed through his hair and tickled her when he kissed her throat just where her pulse was and Effie cried out in her pleasure, high and sharp like a bird. A pained sound came over Haymitch's lips and he had just enough sense left to pull out of Effie before he spilled himself all over her inner thigh.
And just like that, it was over.
They lay there on the ground, a tangle of arms and legs in the shadow of the apple trees, hot and sticky and breathless. He only realized he was crushing her with his weight when he felt her squirm and he pulled himself up, steadying himself on one hand. The other still held hers and he looked down at Effie, her lips red and swollen from his desire and her eyes – so blue you could drown in them. He released his grip on her hand.
Fuck.
Effie sat up when he did. His gaze was drawn to her thigh and the mess he'd caused there. He felt he should offer her something, like a tissue but she'd already gotten out her hankie and dried his stickiness from herself. His cheeks burned so hot she must see it.
Fuck.
"We've got more than enough apples now," he mumbled. Effie's gaze went to the basket and when it returned to him Haymitch was tucking himself back in his pants. "I'll take care of this," he said. "Getting the fruits back and all. I'll join up with you in a while, OK."
His voice wasn't unfriendly, just desperately needing her to be someplace else other than here and Effie, she was suddenly almost overcome with shyness in front of this man she'd known most of her adult life. She got to her feet and awkwardly pulled up her underwear.
"Are you sure?" she said uncertainly. "I can…"
"I'll see you in a while," Haymitch said. He was still on the ground. His gray eyes met her blue ones, if only briefly. "Really Effie, I will."
xXx
Johanna chewed on her grass straw and thrummed her fingers against the kitchen sofa. By coincidence she looked out the open window just when the escort returned from the woods. Empty-handed and with a haste to her steps like she was late for a meeting.
"Hey, Capitol," she said before she could disappear.
Effie heard the greeting, although she wished she hadn't. Reluctantly she let go of Haymitch's door handle and walked up to Johanna's window.
"Yes?"
Johanna's eyebrows raised as she took in the capitolian's appearance. Her flushed face, the crumpled hankie peeking out a dress pocket and her hair which fell not at all as elegantly as it used to.
"It's hot outside," said Effie almost defensively, even though the girl hadn't said a word. Her blush crept up her throat and face and she made a gesture towards Haymitch's house. "I'm just going to take a quick shower and then I will join you all for dinner."
And she turned around quickly before Johanna could start asking questions.
Effie slipped out of her wet, wrinkled clothes the moment she closed the bathroom door, avoiding her own naked reflection in the cracked mirror.
Johanna. She'd forgotten all about her. If she hadn't, maybe she'd lied better. The girl had not been fooled.
Please, please let her keep it to herself.
A gasp came over Effie's lips when the hot spray ran over her body. Her nipples were sore and tender from when they'd grazed the inside of her dress. She washed the stains of their pleasure from herself and the cleaner she became, the worse the pain in her stomach got.
She'd slept with him. She slept with Haymitch, out in broad daylight for everyone to see!
How had it even happened? One moment they were picking apples and the next they were on the ground.
What if they hadn't been alone in those woods? She didn't see anyone when she picked apples but what kind of a guarantee was that? All it took was one pair of eyes and it would spread like wildfire.
Tears of shame wanted to break through at the thought. As if the Hob hadn't been bad enough!
Steam filled the room but she could still see her dress through the gash in Haymitch's laundry basket. A dress she knew she'd never wear again.
What did Haymitch think about all this? He'd sent her away so quickly afterwards and yet he had reassured her. She didn't know what kind of madness had made him kiss her; had made her kiss him back. Only how good it felt. So impossibly good and right, in that moment.
She could still feel him. That good ache between her legs. She remembered the way his hand entwined with hers, how she'd clutched on to it when she came.
She hadn't slept with anyone since before the rebellion. After her time in prison it took her years to even feel at home in her own body again.
Effie filled her palms with cool water and let it run down her face, keeping her hands against her hot cheeks but despite her embarrassment and even though she'd never planned for this to happen she knew – after all these years it could never have been with anyone but Haymitch.
xXx
Effie would gladly have stayed in the shower for as long as they had hot water for but she knew she had to face Haymitch sooner or later.
She heard Katniss, Finn and Annie in the other room when she entered the house. Peeta had joined Johanna in the kitchen but there was nothing strange about his smile when he saw her.
The fish gratin simmered in the oven, the kitchen heavy with its scent and Effie busied herself filling a pitcher of water, waiting for Johanna's comment but there was none forthcoming. She should feel grateful for it but the silence was almost worse than if she'd teased her.
Her hand kept going to her hair, feeling more self-conscious than ever – just when the soft, musical notes of a piano filled the house.
"Oh, not again," Johanna groaned and her head slumped back against the wall but Effie couldn't keep a smile from her lips, despite everything, when Finn began singing in his sweet, clear voice.
Annie's son liked to go on his own expeditions and yesterday during the rain he found his way into the study and discovered the piano.
All the houses in the Victor's Village had one along with things like flutes, cookbooks, painting equipment. All for the sake of their future victors' talents. Katniss gave them full access to it and while they waited for Haymitch and Peeta to return Annie tuned it and Finn sang them songs he'd learned in his choir which used to sing at weddings and during the Sea Festival back home.
"All they ever do in Four is sing," Johanna had complained. After the show she bribed Finn into a music free evening with snacks from her bag. But not before Finn had wheedled Katniss into teaching him a song.
Now he sang it again, with almost no mistakes while his mother played. Katniss called it a "mountain air" and it was beautiful in its simplicity. While Effie had never heard it until yesterday the girl said every child in District 12 knew that song.
For a moment Effie stood there completely still, just listening. It was the kind of song that made you want to hold the people you cared about and she could have listened to it forever but the music faded all too soon and then Peeta was there talking about apples and pies. And it brought her right back to where she was, her stomach tied into a knot.
"Haymitch promised to bring the apples," she said. "He should be here at any moment."
Johanna who had pushed herself off of the couch after the boy's performance returned with a giggling Finn thrown over her shoulder like a sack of potatoes and Katniss and Annie also joined.
Effie re-arranged the bouquet on the kitchen table; the "autumn flowers" as Finn called them. He'd picked them himself with Effie's help. Large bouquets of grass straws, pretty leaves and late summer blooms, enough to decorate both houses.
Together they cut salad and bread, got out salt and butter, Finn helped putting napkins on all their plates and every time there was a sound from outside Effie's heart leaped in her throat.
Where is he? What is he doing?
She suspected she knew the answer but refused for it to be true. He wouldn't do that.
"Where's mister Heymit?" Finn asked.
"I'll go look for him," said Effie quietly to Peeta who stood closest and with a caress of Finn's head she went to get her coat.
xXx
Haymitch hadn't visited the Hob once in the days that Annie, Finn and Johanna had been in District 12. He'd even cared enough to be discreet with his drinking for Finn's sake. And she'd been so proud of him for it. But now when she pushed inside the Hob, despite everything she'd told herself, she knew, had known all along, that it was here she would find him in the end.
As she made way towards Haymitch at the bar she recognized Thom and Bristel and a handful of other Seam people around the tables but if they knew about any inappropriate actions they were hiding it well.
"Good afternoon," Effie nodded towards Greasy Sae and Ripper when she joined up at Haymitch's side. The ice in his whiskey clinked when he raised the glass to his lips and she could see that he was drunk. He never looked up when she walked in, didn't acknowledge her in any way.
"Don't you want dinner?" Effie asked quietly.
She couldn't see his eyes properly. They were hidden by the tangles of unwashed hair that dangled over his temples.
"Katniss went all the way to the lake to get the fish. It smells wonderful."
Haymitch took another sip of his drink and didn't answer. Effie looked around, very aware of all listening ears.
"Can we talk somewhere?" she asked. "Someplace private?"
Silence.
"Why did you leave the apples on the front step?" she asked. "The basket had fallen over and all the fruits were on the ground."
Haymitch put his glass down but when he opened his mouth only one word came out. She'd heard him utter that word many times before, at the Games Headquarters, the banquets, the Penthouse to make her leave him alone with his drinks. But hearing him say it now, in a cold voice that didn't even sound like his, it hit her squarely in the heart, worse than his knife ever could.
"Go."
She didn't want to believe it at first but in the silence that followed he only repeated his word.
"Haymitch…" she said and his eyes met hers for the first time. His face was filled with hard edges in the light from the dripping wax candles when he looked at her and down her pink dress.
"I see the Capitol's back on."
And then he only had eyes for his whiskey. Effie watched him swallow the amber liquid. She didn't as much as blink. She only gave a slight nod, like his statement was all she needed to know.
"What was that, Haymitch?" she heard Mrs. Sae ask when she turned to leave.
"None of your business," Haymitch muttered back and the door closed between them.
xXx
"It's alright, Effie. You don't have to stay. I've got him."
Myriads of stars twinkled above them and Haymitch's head bounced heavily on his neck, propped up as he was between Effie and Peeta. Clouds of dust disrupted around his feet when he stumbled ahead and only sometimes did he seem to realize where he was. Then he resisted and they had to drag him along while Haymitch mumbled, "I'm not fucking going home."
Peeta's forehead was covered in sweat as he carried his mentor. During the Games, when Haymitch was drunk and vulnerable and needed someone to take the reins, even when Chaff or Finnick were at hand, it was always Effie he wanted. But now the old mentor leaned almost all of his weight on Peeta. Effie tried to help the boy and put Haymitch's arm back around her shoulders but Haymitch grunted and pulled away.
"I'm not fucking going home."
"I'm so so sorry, Peeta."
"It's OK," said Peeta with a faint smile, slightly out of breath. "I'm used to it."
"Sick," Haymitch got out and they had just enough time to maneuver him across the road before he vomited violently into the ditch.
Somehow they managed to get him inside and up the stairs and Haymitch collapsed stomach-first on the bed. With his face in a pillow he mumbled something unintelligible while Effie untied his boots. Together they rolled him onto his back and Peeta went to get a bucket.
"I shouldn't," Haymitch mumbled and caught Effie's hands in an iron grip when she tried to unbutton his shirt. "Shouldn't, Eff… We should've known... I should've known..."
"I believe you, Haymitch," Effie said and gently prised off his fingers so she could undo the rest of the buttons, getting him out of his shirt and trousers.
"Get some sleep, Peeta dear," she said when the boy appeared with the bucket. "I'll look after him."
Haymitch groaned and when Effie looked at him he lay in the fetal position on the bed, clutching his stomach.
"Do you need to vomit again?"
Haymitch pressed one hand over his ear and rolled over, away from her. Effie took the bucket from Peeta, telling him to go and get some rest.
Finally he did.
Haymitch moaned and whimpered, arms clutched around himself. Effie sat by his side, holding the bucket. She wanted to smooth back his hair that clung to him with sweat but thought better of it.
It was going to be a long night.
xXx
Like every morning little Finn woke before everyone else. If you didn't count Auntie Jo but Auntie Jo didn't count since she was never asleep.
He climbed out of bed and his mother only mumbled something before she rolled over on the other side.
He listened for the sound that had woken him. It was not Auntie Jo going about in the next room but something else. He got out into the corridor, dressed in his blue and white striped pajamas and just then he heard it, a low whiny sound down the stairs.
It was Buttercup. Unaware of her terrible crime, Johanna had gone and closed his window and now the cat paced back and forth across the door mat, scratching his claws against the wood with affronted meows. He pierced Finn with a yellow stare when the boy came down the stairs.
"Hi, kitty cat." Finn patted his head and Buttercup let him, for as long as it took the child to open the door. Then he was off and away like a fluffy, orange duster.
Everyone in the Victor's Village knew Finn was an early riser and the front door was supposed to be locked. But after everything with Haymitch Peeta must have forgotten it and now Finn stepped out into the cool morning air. He went to the goose pen first only to discover in disappointment that he couldn't move the wooden door latch. But in the big house lived mister Heymit and Ms Effie and with some difficulty he pushed the door opened and stepped inside.
Here he'd never been before. Finn looked curiously around as he walked through the house. He brushed his fingers against the yellowish wall paper that was so loose in some places you could rip it off and use it as drawing-paper. When he got inside the living room his foot accidently nudged a bottle and Finn watched it roll.
Until it bumped up against a large naked foot.
Upstairs in Haymitch's room all the windows were opened wide in an attempt to air out the smell of vomit. Curled up on the couch under a knotty old blanket, lay Effie. There were dark circles under her eyes and her hair was ruffled. She hadn't gotten many hours of sleep so when Haymitch woke up and found his way downstairs she never heard it. She never heard Finn open the front door either or even his words a moment later.
But she did hear the wailing. She was so startled awake when the cries cut through silence she bumped into Haymitch's bookshelf when she sprung up from the couch. The boy's cries grew louder and Effie stumbled down the stairs and through the rooms.
"Finn?"
"Mama!"
And she found Haymitch. Sprawled out on the living room floor, naked except for a pair of wet underpants and lying with his cheek in a sticky pool of vomit. Finn wailed and he shook Haymitch's hairy leg, trying to rouse him. The sound of the boy's cries made Haymitch stir, trying to reach him but Effie was there in a moment and picked Finn up.
"It's Ok, it's OK," she said and carried him away from the scene.
"What's going on?" a voice rung out and Effie saw Johanna with Annie in the doorway.
"Mama!" Finn sobbed and reached out his arms to her. "Heymit's sick."
"Helpme," Haymitch's voice came back to them. "Please, helpme."
"Should we get someone?" asked Annie worriedly, with Finn clinging to her.
"No, no, it's fine, he'll be fine," said Effie. "Please, just take Finn with you. Everything will be fine."
She hurried back into the living room where Haymitch tried to get up, vomit dripping down half his face. Effie got to him just in time to catch him before he fell. Pain shot up her back but she kept him upright. He reeked with alcohol and vomit and urine and she put his arm around her shoulders getting smeared down with vomit when she half-lead, half-carried him to the bathroom and into the tub.
xXx
The sun sat low on the sky, hot and golden, when Haymitch finally came to. Automatically his hand clawed around under the bed to get out the bottle of clear liquid he kept there and he had taken several gulps before he was even fully awake. With a groan Haymitch got himself up to sitting. He rubbed his hand over his chest, just wondering why he wore pajamas when he saw he wasn't alone in the room.
"Shouldn't you be out with Finn and the others?" he muttered.
Effie looked back at him from the couch, pale and unsmiling.
"I could ask you the same question," she said and by the look on her face she wasn't going be a hand holder today. "They're your guests."
"No, it was all your idea."
He tipped his bottle upwards and grunted in disappointment when he swallowed the last drops.
"Your behavior these past few days has been completely unacceptable," said Effie. "I thought I'd tell you in case you don't remember."
"Course you do. You never waste a moment to tell me what a fuck up I am. Why're you still here? Shouldn't you be on a train? By all means, don't let me stop ya."
"You're a grown man, Haymitch!" Effie snapped and got to her feet. "If this appalling behavior is because of what happened I'd rather you…"
Haymitch laughed.
"Yeah, everything's about you, princess. And you don't start that again! Not after I took you in! You should be fucking grateful. Not everyone would have."
"I am grateful," said Effie and in a softer tone now. "You know I am. I just don't understand..."
"What else is new?" muttered Haymitch. "You got cotton candy inside your head and not just on top of it?"
"What's the matter with you?" Effie burst out and the pain filled her eyes with tears. "Finn found you on the floor this morning! He was in here sobbing and tried to rouse you. How could you do that to him?"
The revelation struck him hard and it made his voice sharper than razor blades.
"He had no business going here in the first place. Maybe Annie should take better care of her own kid."
"He's a child, Haymitch! Sometimes children go where they aren't supposed to go. The least you can do is follow me back and apologize. You owe them that."
Something flashed in Haymitch's eyes and his face turned crimson.
"You don't go telling me which people I owe! Get the hell out of my house!"
"Not until you talk to me!" Effie cried but his hand had already clutched around her arm and he was pushing her before him and to the door.
"Out!"
"Let go of me!" Effie shouted and he pushed her off of him. A vase smashed against the floor, sending the "autumn flowers" flying when Effie tried to break her fall and she hit the back of her head hard against the wall.
Haymitch stared in horror at what he'd just done. His hand reached out to her if only an inch but then he just backed away. Away from Effie. Away from it all.
xXx
Johanna's rucksack with the minimal amount of things she'd brought with her lay thrown by her feet on the couch and upstairs Annie and Finn were packing. You could hear their voices through the ceiling, talking with Katniss and Peeta.
Effie sat in the armchair. Her fingers ran absentmindedly over the back of her head. The impact with the wall had made it sound worse than it was and it didn't hurt anymore.
Not her head, anyway.
Haymitch's house was dark and silent. No one had seen him for hours, not since their fight and Effie hated herself for expecting more of him. Hated herself for thinking their encounter had meant something.
She stared blankly at the empty basket by the fireplace. She could hardly believe the man who kissed her under the apple trees was the same one she met at the Hob. That those gray eyes which managed to calm her down when nothing else did could look at her like he truly hated her.
It should have happened during the Games instead, she thought. At least then she'd have known what it was and why it was. She would have moved on.
Her bags still weren't packed. If she stayed here much longer she would end up late for work. But while she couldn't bear the thought of seeing him again she couldn't bear the thought of leaving like this either.
She was stuck.
"You should go home, Trinket."
It took a moment for her to realize it was Johanna who had spoken. She thought the girl had been asleep but she looked straight at her, as if she'd heard her every thought. 'Trinket?' That's an improvement over 'Capitol' at least, she thought tiredly.
"Should I?" The words sounded as empty as she felt.
"It's just as well," Johanna said and there wasn't even any venom behind the words.
Effie met the girl's brown wide set eyes, wondering how much she knew. Maybe all of it. That wouldn't be surprising. Peeta always used to say how alike Katniss and Haymitch were and while that was true Effie never stopped to marvel over how alike Haymitch and Johanna were. They'd shared a mutual respect for each other and an odd sort of friendship ever since the Games when they were part of the same group along with Chaff and Finnick. Of course Effie had only watched from the outside but even if Johanna acted out and he was acting in, the word "kindred" came to mind and the girl often reminded her of a younger Haymitch.
"Even if you think you know what he's going through, you don't," Johanna continued. "Like Plutarch and Fulvia going on about how they "know exactly how you feel!' You don't. None of you know what's going on inside a victor's head."
Well, what did you answer to that? There were no answers to give. She didn't know what he was going through. She couldn't even begin to understand and she never would because he'd never let her.
"Trust me," said Johanna. "It'll be better for all of you if you just step back."
Author's note: Sorry about the long wait. I hope you liked the chapter.
Also, I had to go back and delete Haymitch's birthday being during the Games because I realized I'd gotten the month of the Games wrong. Of course we can only guess the precise time but a calculated guess is it's in June and the Victory Tour and the Harvest Festival in November.
