Chapter 7
10th June 2006,
"But weren't they supposed to be our allies?" shouted Thoas, dodging an arrow from an Amazon.
Romain cursed, running as fast as he could through the corridors of the American firm. Thoas didn't know how, but he'd managed to light a cigarette between the start of the negotiation with the Amazon Queen and when the Queen shouted "Kill these dogs". Which was an interval of about one or two seconds. And then they had to run.
Fucking Frenches.
"There were two versions of the myth! How the fuck was I supposed to know which would be the right one?"
"Next time you come up with an idea for a 'joint project to move forward together', shut the fuck up," shouted Thoas, kicking an attack dog. He needed a drink.
Fucking Amazones. He hopped these " Mafia" blokes Dad told them about through the fucking screens would be nicer.
1th June 2006,
In the midst of the chaotic Bouleuterion, Chiron sat in the center, nursing a mug filled with a dubious concoction of his own making. Chiron had started drinking. Not because of Dionysos, no. Well, not directly. It was just a way to cope with the fucking madness. And maybe - maybe - it made him a little blunt. And definitely more oblivious to the fact that everyone in camp could hear every word. Because he was speaking in the middle of the fucking Bouleuterion.
"Look, Percy," Chiron sighed, his eyes reflecting a mix of exhaustion and irritation, the acrid scent of his makeshift drink hanging in the air. "You should not be alive."
"You, being alive, breaks some divine agreement between the big three gods. Frankly, it's a headache none of us needed. The Oath of the Big Three, remember? No? I don't care. Listen. Big Z, Big Pp, your Dad, and Big H swore off making demigod babies. But Daddy Sea can't keep it in his pants. And now, here you are, defying their celestial no-kids policy. Joy."
Percy, visibly uncomfortable, stammered something about being born not being his fault – or some feeble excuse that Chiron couldn't bother to fully process.
Chiron leaned back, taking a theatrical swig from his makeshift drink, not bothering to mask his weariness. "Your existence is a walking 'Oops, we messed up' sign. Broken oaths bring chaos, and, apparently, demigod children who shouldn't exist. Aka U; big noob."
As Percy squirmed, the surrounding demigods exchanged awkward glances, pretending not to listen on a conversation that should have been private. Or, at least, not in front of the full camp. Chiron, however, seemed blissfully unaware of the discomfort he was causing. Seemed being an important word.
"So, here's the deal," Chiron continued, his voice dripping with fatigue. "Our Lord and Master big Z thinks you pinched his Master Bolt. Big H is also a suspect. So, apparently, you'll be given a quest. Yay ! Lucky you ! You've got ten days to sort out this divine family drama before the Summer Solstice. Good luck."
Chiron didn't bother with a comforting smile or a reassuring pat on the back. Instead, he gave Percy a nod that seemed to say, "Welcome to the awkwardness of demigod life." Then, with a mischievous grin, he took another long gulp from his mug, the bitter taste of resignation now mingling with the cringe-worthy awareness of the campers' unintended audience. Ah, to be old.
The brash and battle-hungry daughter of Ares, however, wanted to spoil Chiron's pleasure. With a scowl etched on her face, she stood up and marched to the center of the room, her armor clanking, and her eyes locked onto Chiron.
"This is outrageous!" Clarisse bellowed, cutting through the uneasy atmosphere. "Why does the new kid get a quest? I want a quest too! It's not fair!"
Chiron, who had been in the midst of another sip from his questionable mug, raised an eyebrow at Clarisse's outburst. "Clarisse, this isn't the time or the place—"
"But I deserve a quest!" Clarisse interjected, pointing a finger accusingly at Percy. "He gets to go on some special mission, and I've been waiting for ages for a chance like this. I've fought countless monsters, and what do I get? Nothing! Zilch! Nada!"
Dionysos, who had been absorbed in his Gameboy, finally looked up from his divine gaming session.
"What's all this racket about quests?" Dionysos grumbled, his eyes squinting at the gathering. "Can't a god enjoy his Pokémon in peace?"
Clarisse didn't miss a beat. "Mister Sir Divine God ! Very respectfully with respect, it's about Percy getting a quest, and I want one too! I'm just as good as him. Probably better! He stinks! I do not! "
Dionysos sighed, as if dealing with demigod drama was the last thing he wanted. He smelled Percy a bit, from afar. "Fine, fine, h. stinks a bit"?
Dionysos grumbled, pushing aside his Gameboy as he glanced wearily at Clarisse. "If it'll shut you all up, I'll throw in a quest for the lovely Clarisse here. Happy now? And since I'm in a generous mood, I'll even let Castor and Pollux join you. Nepotism, you know".
Some of the other seated campers started shouting too, but Dionysos added that the next one who asked him for a quest, he was going to make the clean Augias' stables. After asking all the satyrs to strike with axes anyone who came near the stables. Everyone fell silent, and Dionysos turned back to Clarisse.
"And your quest," Dionysos announced with a flourish, "is to find the Maenads. They disappeared a decade ago. Bring them back. Kill stuff, preferably monsters. End of quest. Come back home. That's it. Simple, right? Oh, and don't forget to see the oracle when you're done. Euh. Before. Forgot the order. And please, try not to die. It's a probable outcome, but I'd hate to waste good nepotism on a one-time gig. Off you go."
Dionysos, back to his Gameboy, looked at it, thought a bit, grinned mischievously and tossed it at Pollux.
"Surprise item!" Dionysos declared. "It might help on your quest. Or not".
Pollux, Gameboy in hand, looked confused. Meanwhile, Castor, looking terrified, muttered, "A quest? With monsters? Can't we do odd jobs, like delivering ambrosia instead?"
As Dionysos blatantly ignored him, he looked at the crowd. Fuck. Their eyes had met. He had been ignoring Annabeth's persistent hand-raising for about half an hour, and now, she resorted to producing increasingly bizarre sounds to get his attention. The god sighed theatrically, muttering something about demigods being more challenging than his favorite Pokémon battles.
"Fine, fine," Dionysos finally relented, finally acknowledging Annabeth's efforts. "Perry, you'll be accompanied on your quest by Annabeth and Grover, the satyr who just finished his reconversion. Congratulations, you have a quest squad now. Now, go see the Oracle and Fuck Off".
12th June 2006
The creepy mummy said to Pollux
"In Vegas lights, where fortunes sway,
Three heroes seek the lost in play.
A quest absurd, in glitz and twirls,
To find the girls, they'll rock the pearls".
"Uuuh….Thats was a prophecy? Dumb…
13th June 2006
Dionysus got up from the sofa of the woman he'd almost fallen asleep on - he definitely had to be more careful, another half hour and he'd have been struck by lightning for staying out of camp for more than four hours a day. He frowned. The destruction of his wards on his little apartment in New Orleans - one of his favorite cities: Jazz was the music that embodied it most - had woken him up.
He teleported into the small bathroom of the little three-room apartment. An immensely powerful aura from the living room swept across his face. Fuck. Fuck. What the hell was that?
Dionysus tapped into his domain of Free Will and Overcoming Adversity. He pushed open the door.
Adorned with sepia-toned art and flickering candles, the space exuded an intimate aura. Worn rugs covered creaking wooden floors, bearing witness to lively gatherings and spilled glasses. Heh. It reminded him of Ariadne. Dim lights cast a melancholic vibe, with faint echoes of past revelries and the scent of aged spirits in the air. A vintage record player played haunting melodies, its scratchy needle tracing old vinyl grooves. The furniture were marked by countless nights of revelry, booze and sex. And Booze. And sex.
Empty wine bottles and a dusty lamp completed the scene.
"Yo, Dude ! Long time no see !"
Sun Wukong
Monkey King and official badass
Lvl - ?
Your domain of Video Games is not developed enough to see this being's level
What the hell! Fuck! Why in the world was he here?
The damn Monkey King, strutting in like he owns the joint, decked out in freaking Louis Vuitton. Sun Wukong. The Chinese powerhouse. Muscles bulging, fur flying, and mischief practically oozing from his golden eyes. The room practically quivered with the mix of mischief and raw, unadulterated power he brought with him. There he was, kicking back on the sofa like he owned the place, getting cozy in his designer threads and grooving to jazz like it was the soundtrack to his kingdom.
"Voila! I'm here, as promised," declared the Monkey King, dramatically spreading his arms before executing a flawless somersault - all while snatching his whisky mid-air like it was child's play.
"At last...I'm still 'locked up' under my mountain, obviously. The Buddha has imprisoned me. No way out. Ohlala."
Clearly, theatre was not among his domains. His performance was cringe-worthy at best.
"Promised?" questioned Dionysus, prompting Sun Wukong to burst into laughter. It played out like a scene from a cartoon: ribs held, feet kicking in the air.
"Hell, yeah ! That was the best prank! You're a genius, Dio. I mean, you were. Swapping minds with some random guy - well, random, one who matched, but, well - from the multiverse just to break free from the chains of destiny? And stop being a sad little shit? Screw the Fates!"
The Monkey King couldn't contain himself, erupting into laughter once more.
Ah. Perhaps that explained why he'd found himself in this situation.
Straightening up suddenly, the Monkey moved closer to him, stopping just three centimetres from his face. He looked at him intensely.
"Mmmmmm…A sort of fusion...You have his domains and soul, not just his memories...Which means! Wow! Big Balls Move! He really has reincarnated in the body of a random human in another world! With no powers!"
Sun Wukong poured himself another glass of whisky, and Dionysus picked up an apple lying on the table before biting into it.
"I'm guessing you were one of the bros of good ol' Dionysus if he tipped you off? And why don't I remember this? Or you? Do other people know about this?"
The Monkey frowned...
"Ah, no, that's not normal. Are you missing memories? You don't remember...aaaah? Ahahahaha! I was going to tell you something - but apparently, someone - or three someone's, apparently, don't want you to know. I could easily break the Fates decree, they're pathetically weak" - the Monkey King flexed his muscles, and a wave of something powerful ran through the living room. Dionysus sweated a little. Clearly, his "friend" - well, the friend of the old Dionysus, whom he no longer remembered - was extremely powerful. Thanks to the billion Chinese who learned his myth and played children's games where they embodied him. The old monkey could easily smash Zeus's face in.
"Nope, besides me, the Fates, and an old buddy - Eshu, the Yoruba, who helped you with your ritual. And maybe Coyote, I'm not sure. Or Mephisto Pheles. I don't track your fucking around. And for your missing memories, I could answer your questions. But where would the fun be in that? Ahahahaha! Find them yourself, my friend. Seek! And come find me when you've recovered your missing memories! AHAHAHAH"
And the fucker just disappeared. Uh.
13th June 2006
Under the early morning sun, Percy and Annabeth stood outside the cabins, bags packed and excitement in the air. Their objective: to travel to western Long Island, and then go to the Underworld in Los Angeles. Percy, however, was still a bit annoyed about the convenient flying shoes Luke had given him being stolen last night.
"Ugh, really?" Percy grumbled, glaring at his empty pockets. "I guess someone decided to give my shoes wings and fly away with them. Lmao."
Annabeth did not laugh. She even fake-coughed.
He sighed. He was so bad with jokes. Maybe he should ask someone for lessons. Pollux ?
All of a sudden, the unmistakable sound of hoofbeats waltzed into their ears. Grover pranced up to them with a cheeky grin. Yet, Annabeth and Percy couldn't help but exchange utterly bewildered glances as their jaws plummeted towards the ground. The once-skinny Grover now struck a pose before them, showcasing his newfound muscles in outrageously green spandex suit, hugging him like a clingy vine. The clothes were so tight that they seemed seconds away from throwing in the towel and bursting open. And let's not even get started on the brows so bushy they could've had their own names. Maybe they did.
"Hey, quest buddies! It's me, Goat Lee!" Grover flexed his muscles, his once-skeletal frame long behind him, "I've been sculpting these masterpieces for our grand adventure. With these guns, monster should not be a problem. YOOOOOOSSSSHHHHH."
Percy blinked. "Are you on steroids, Grover? Do you need to consult a psychiatrist? "
"No need! I'm full of YOUTH, and it's the only thing I need - that and vitamins!"
AN & Mythology :
If you like this fic, you can check my other one, a Comedy SI in One Piece, called "An Enlightening Day"
Myths about Dionysos & Amazons
There are two contradicting myths about Dionysos and the Amazons.
In the first myth, according to Plutarch, the god Dionysus and his companions engaged in a battle with the Amazons at Ephesus. The Amazons eventually fled to Samos, but Dionysus pursued them and killed a significant number of them at a location known as Panaema, or the blood-soaked field. Additionally, the Christian author Eusebius recounts that, during the reign of Oxyntes, a mythical king of Athens, the Amazons allegedly burned down the temple at Ephesus.
In the second myth, Dionysus is portrayed as uniting with the Amazons to confront Cronus and the Titans. After subduing the Indians, Dionysus forms an alliance with them and the Amazons, incorporating them into his service. Together, they serve Dionysus in his campaign against the Bactrians. Nonnus, in his Dionysiaca, also mentions the Amazons of Dionysus but specifies that they do not originate from the traditional location of Thermodon.
Sun Wukong, Chinese mythology
Sun Wukong, known as the Monkey King, is a fictional character prominently featured in the 16th-century Chinese novel "Journey to the West" and subsequent stories and adaptations. In this novel, Sun Wukong, born from a stone, gains extraordinary powers through Taoist practices. His rebellion against heaven leads to his imprisonment under a mountain by the Buddha. Released after five hundred years, he joins the monk Tang Sanzang and fellow disciples on a quest to obtain Buddhist sutras from the West. Sun Wukong's abilities are impressive; he possesses incredible strength, remarkable speed, and the capacity to travel vast distances in a single somersault. As the king of monkeys, he is tasked with protecting his fellow primates and exhibits proficiency in combat, utilizing his magical hair for various transformations and weapons. Often interpreted as "magic powers" in the context of "Journey to the West," Sun Wukong's supernatural skills were a central element of the narrative during the time of its writing.
Eshu - Yoruba
Eshu is a significant deity in Yoruba mythology, worshipped among the Yoruba people of Nigeria. As the messenger deity, Eshu serves as an intermediary between humans and the divine. Physically depicted as a small and agile figure, Eshu embodies both positive and negative aspects of life, representing trickery, chaos, and unpredictability. He is particularly associated with crossroads, symbolic places where choices are made, and is revered as the guardian of these transitional spaces. Worshipers make offerings and perform rituals to seek Eshu's guidance and blessings, often utilizing divination tools such as Opele or Ifá. Despite his mischievous nature, Eshu is viewed as a wise and essential deity, maintaining balance and order in the Yoruba cosmology.
Coyote - Native Americans
Coyote holds a prominent role in the mythology of many Native American tribes, embodying the archetype of a trickster, shape-shifter, and cultural hero. Recognized for his cunning and mischievous nature, Coyote is often portrayed as a key figure in creation myths, participating in the shaping of landscapes and the introduction of important cultural elements. Serving as both a teacher and a disruptor of order, Coyote's stories convey moral lessons and highlight the dualities inherent in the natural world. With the ability to shape-shift and adapt, Coyote reflects the dynamic and ever-changing aspects of existence. His tales vary among different tribes, contributing to the cultural diversity and richness of Native American mythologies. Coyote remains an intriguing and multifaceted character, symbolizing both chaos and innovation within the indigenous narratives of North America.
