Arc 2 - Harry Potter and the Mothers Fucker
Chapter 11
England
Dio, in his mortal form, stepped off the plane and onto English soil. It was a risky gamble, but as long as he didn't use his divine powers excessively - limiting them, say, to those displayed by a very powerful demigod, or a witch like Medea or Circe - he should be fine. He probably wouldn't be detected by...
Ah.
Fuck.
A blonde man, dangerously handsome, stood just outside of the plane. He exuded an air of subtle menace. His piercing azure eyes hinted at hidden depths, and a confident smirk played on his lips. Dressed in a tailored, dark overcoat, he radiated an otherworldly charm, his presence carrying an unmistakable aura of authority.
If Dionysus had used his nascent domain of video games to increase the potential of Club members - although this was severely limited by their "natural" abilities, he was going to have to find something to break their level cap - he was also using it to estimate the strength of the people around him. He didn't know his own level - most of his domains objected to him giving a "fixed", "digitized" measure of himself. But he was about as strong as Ares, who had been level 2,000. Zeus was around 3,000, a hero had a cap of 100 - except for the sons of the big three, an immortal could go between 100 and 600 - and the minor gods hovered around 1,000. But here...Fuck.
Uriel
One of the Four Archangels
Leader of the Blackops Angel Unit
Lvl : 5 568/6 000
The archangel had two coffees in his hands, and handed one to Dionysus.
Strangely chill.
"It's Irish Coffee! A local specialty...well, from around here."
Uh. He hadn't expected this interaction at all. It was rather jovial. Mmmmh...What to do? He had to leave a good impression.
Dionysos let out a huge fart.
In your face, angel.
Uriel didn't react, and invited Dionysus to follow him. The Greek god complied, sipping his coffee.
"Welcome to Europe! You don't have to explain to me why you're here, I know"
Creepy.
"The chieftainess of the Maenads gave you a lead on a way to recover your memory after the...troubles you encountered, and here you are! Despite our...agreement and Heaven's ban on you entering Europe? Very naughty!"
Super creepy. How did he know ? At least, he said nothing about the club…but did he know about the origins of his memory gaps ? Did he know he wasn't really the Dionysos of Olympus ?
"Luckily for you, I'm not going to scatter your soul and condemn you to a fate worse than fading just yet! I'll let you live...if you do me one tiny little favor. Nothing too complicated!"
Of course. Of course it isn't.
"As you know, Heavens is in an unofficial truce with the devils and fallen angels. Which makes it difficult to intervene to settle a few...small problems. But as a foreign god, no worries! And if you're discreet, Zeus will never find out! "
Dionysus let out another fart. Uriel must have taken it as an invitation to continue.
"And, by the merest chance, the little, tiny problem we're having concerns someone connected with the artefact you're looking for to fix your little memory problem. Right? Yay! What a coincidence, right?"
Uriel conjured up a folder from nowhere, which he handed to Dionysus.
"The artifact you're looking for - I don't think Angele gave you its name, since I don't see how she'd know it, since it was deformed through history - is a crown, right? A crown that increases its wearer's intelligence and removes all memory lapses?"
Dionysus farted in approval.
"Well, it's now called the Ravenclaw Diadem! I don't know why, since she wasn't the one to build it. But, history, right?"
What? What?
20th October 2006
England, Diagon Alley
Dionysus was stunned. The fucking world of Harry Potter had also been added to this strange reality? What the hell was this? And, if archangels existed...
At least he had a clear advantage in this situation, and according to the information that Uriel had given him - sometimes, let's say, insufficient - the archangel didn't seem to suspect his reincarnation. That was something good, at least.
He leafed through the file the creepy archangel had left him. Apparently, an old-time devil had given a local wizard called Herpo the Foul a spell that was a little too powerful, telling him it was a ritual that would make him immortal - when in fact it was a spell of corruption, fouling the souls of the wizards who used it, spread their corruption and, overall, screwed up the Catholic system by encouraging sin and murder (which didn't bother them much) and preventing magicians from going to Hell or Heaven (which did bother them a lot).
Normally, the angels had an agent who took care of these problems, to whom they had conferred pseudo-immortality in exchange for his services. A certain Nicolas Flamel. The devils had, according to Uriel, used much the same technique long ago with the Peverells, to influence the course of history.
Dionysus smiled. What a mess! And what else ? Dumbledore was a Dark Lord, like a bad fanfiction trope? Lmao. Imagine.
He turned the page.
Ah…indeed. Dumbledore was secretly a Dark Lord. It was so badly written. Who would believe in such a scenario?
Nicolas Flamel had apparently been killed three years ago by Dumbledore, who had stolen the stone conferring his pseudo-immortality. Crap. This was going to be trouble. So Uriel had decided that, in exchange for not turning him into steam, Dionysus would have to pass himself off as a wizard - Uriel had even prepared false papers for him - eliminate the two morons who had made Horcruxes, reunite the relics of death and destroy them, find his fucking crown to solve his memory problems, and get the hell out of England.
Easy Peasy.
No, really. Easy peasy.
He looked at the man in front of him.
Paul McNair
Adult Wizard
Lvl 13/50
Wizards were pathetically weak. Even if he had to avoid using his godly power, restricting him at the level of someone like Circee - who should be around level five hundred ? Heh. Great holidays. And the false identity Uriel prepared was going to allow for so much trolling. He would have preferred doing so as the Heir of Merlin or successor to Arthur Pendragon bullshit but…that was not bad either. Still cliché, though. And, if he could use the occasion to increase his influence in Europe…
The god disguised as a human disguised as a wizard whistled as he entered Gringotts. Why were heredity and parentage tests run by Goblins? It was totally dumb. But being dumb seemed to be the norm here.
Dionysos farted loudly - unnaturally loudly, to silence the assembly.
"Hello, you little greedy shits! I'm here to take a test! And I'm not talking abut STDs, for once!"
20th October 2006
England, Hogwarts
Dumbledore's attention was caught by the whistling of one of the instruments that sat beside his desk. Ah, his automatic mail reader was alerting him that, among the useless missives, something deserved his attention. With a wave of his hand, the letter flew to him. He opened it and...what? How could this be? The line was extinct!
Fawkes thrilled sadly, feeling the distress of his other part. Dumbledore started slowly petting his immortal, teleporting horcruxe.
Who was this Dio Ravenclaw?
And what did it mean, that he had "ownership of the castle"?
21st October 2006
US
Dio reappeared at Playboy Manor. Uriel's cooperation, allowing him to go back and forth in any direction, was more useful than expected. He would be able to stay here, merely appearing sporadically in England to deal with…
Ding! You got a Quest!
Troll the Wizards
What? Was the system starting to…become alive by himself? Was this a manifestation of his new, growing domain? But, for the moment, there were no specification, nor…Well, it did not matters.
"I refuse the Quest. I will act only because I WANT. NOTHING WILL DICTATE WHAT I DO, NOT EVEN MY DOMAINS OR MY SUBCONSCIOUS!".
He blasted the screen with his will, and the window shimmered into nothingness. Fuck. He would be a slave to no one, even himself!
BEWARE - EXPLICIT CONTENT - SKIP TO NEXT LINE BREAKER IF YOU DON'T WANT TO READ
Full of energy, the god went to see Angele. She was reading, dressed only in a large hat, on one of the pool's floating mattresses. Her breasts were perfect, and her eyes were beautiful, like those of a doe. Seing her god approaching, she closed her book and smiled sultrily as he used telekinesis to grab her and make her float to him. "Oh, Master. I'm here for you to use. Do you want my mouth, my cunt, or my ass?"
"I want them all. And your hands and your boobs."
"Yes, Dadio." She was so calm, despite being naked in a pool and about to receive a godly fucking.
He kissed her, then laid her on her back on a towel, and kissed her all over. He took off her hat, and sucked her nipples, gently at first, and then more firmly. She moaned, and said, "You know just how I like it, Master. Now, use your fingers to play with my clit. I need it so badly."
As he did that, the god said, "Suck me off, slut. But keep my cum in your mouth."
"Yes, Dadi-o". She took him into her mouth. The god loved the feel of her tongue around his shaft, but soon he needed to feel her cunt.
He pushed her away and flipped her over. "I need to fuck you, whore. I'm going to fuck your pussy and then your ass.
She said, "Yes, Daddy. Give me your huge cock!"
Angele moaned loudly as he penetrated her. He started slow, then quickened his pace. His hands went up to her tits and squeezed hard. Her ass was amazing, and he loved the feeling of her tight anus around his dick. As he was about to come, he pulled out and pushed her to the ground. "Suck my cock, whore." She was on her knees, and he pushed his dick in and out of her mouth. "Take it all, slut." Finally, he came, and his cum flowed down her throat. He had her get on her back, and spread her legs. He took a buttplug out of his pocket and shoved it up her asshole. "There you go, slut. This will keep you nice and open."
"Yes, Master. Thank you, Master."
He turned around and looked at the pool. It was a clear day, and the sun was shining brightly. It was the perfect temperature to swim. He dived in and swam to the other side.
Fucking Angels and Fucking Angele. Two side of two different coins.
22nd of October
US
Bathed in the neon glow of the concert venue, Orpheus stepped onto the stage with an electric guitar slung across his shoulder. As Orpheus strummed the first chords, the amplifier roared to life, and the crowd felt the raw energy coursing through the venue. The electric guitar wailed, and the rhythm section kicked in, creating a contagious beat that had the audience on their feet. The crowd, a pulsating sea of eager fans, erupted into cheers and applause, their excitement palpable in the air.
Aaah, how he had missed that.
Orpheus, with his fingers flying over the frets, unleashed a torrent of electrifying riffs. The music reverberated through the venue, blending with the cheers and screams of the crowd. Heads nodded in rhythm, and bodies swayed to the infectious groove. The concertgoers, liberated by the music, danced with abandon, their excitement fueled by the adrenaline-pumping rock melodies.
He had first been skeptical about Dionysos offer, and he had not understood everything when the god talked about incarnating one of his aspects and embodying Orphism…But he did not give a fuck. He was here for music! He was here to live again!
26th of October
Hogwarts
Fleur asked for bouillabaisse.
At first, the evening had been rather mundane - if not disappointing. Hogwarts may have been beautiful - especially from the view of the carriage by which she'd arrived a few hours ago. But that was about it. The food was disgusting, it was cold and the guys were pretty ugly - not to mention weak in magic and willpower.
And then the evening got weird. Strange, even. She'd heard some rumors from the Hogwarts students - apparently, the line about one of the "Founders" - she didn't understand why building a castle was a Big Deal - hadn't gone out, and - even stranger, yet another English stupidity, perhaps - the new Lord of House Ravenclaw found himself the de facto owner of the Castle. It seemed so stupid it could have been the scenario of a porno.
That was about all she'd been able to get out of her neighbor, before he started drooling. Fragile bastards.
Suddenly, the heavy wooden doors of the great hall swung open as if animated by a magical force. Which, of course, they were.
A house elf appeared, and... sounded his trumpet?
And another one appeared just next to him, cleared his throat, unfolded a parchment so long that it rolled down about three meters and…
"Hark, ye denizens of this venerable establishment! Gird thy spirits, for in this momentous epoch, there emerges, with the grace of a cosmic dance and the intellectual prowess of a quasar, the one and only, the magniloquent Dio Ravenclaw! Behold the Sovereign of Secret Squirrel Whispers, the Grand Magus of the Tangled Noodle of Knowledge, the One and Only Custodian of a Myriad Mysteries, and the Quasar of Quizzical Quibbles! The true Owner of Owgarts." He said the last word suspiciously low. Maybe he had not found any other word in O? And he had said twice Quasar! He would have to punish himself by snorting coke on a hooker's back...
All the ghosts politely clapped.
As the trumpets continued its ugly music, the elf continued his proclamation, "Prostrate thy humble selves before the eminent presence of Dio Ravenclaw, the Arbiter of Anomalous Apparitions, the Zephyr of Zany Zeniths, and the Aegis of Absurdity! Let the walls themselves giggle in sheer admiration as this luminary of ludicrousness blesses Hogwarts with his august aura! Rejoice, for the fountains of folly shall flow in abundance, and the very air shall shimmer with the waltz of wisdom!"
The silence felled…and was just broken by a noise. Had the old Hogwarts headmaster…
"I did not fart!" Screamed Dumbledore.
Why had he said that? Was he under a compulsion?
And Fleur thoughts became Blank as this "Dio Ravenclaw" entered the hall. She salivated. She had not seen such raw and powerful magic since…never. And she felt…home.
