1st September 1977

"Haha, why Don Juan, sensitive subject?"

Steve snickered, along with the rest of the company.

Shepard wasn't humoured. Not one bit.

"Keep laughing buddies. You'll laugh yourselves to death."

" Hehe, ahem, lieutenant, in all seriousness, how did you get tangled with that luster?" Anton asked curiously.

"Yeah, what is the story behind the girl with the luscious cans?" Nikita added.

"I don't want to..." Shepard started.

"Please lieutenant, it can't be as bad as Katashi's case." Hiroshi said.

"Hey! You promised..."

"That I wouldn't tell it to the commanding officer or fellow soldiers, I didn't say anything about the Allies or the Soviets." Hiroshi finished.

Shepard thought for a bit, then sighed:

"Alright. I'll bite. If you tell me your story, I will share mine too."

Katashi started:

"Well, I was stationed in one of our island fortresses. Nothing to do, no archer maidens or rocket angels, complete and utter boredom."

"Wait, you didn't bend for a male, right?"

Steve interrupted.

This earned a laugh from everyone, except Katashi, who angrily retorted.

"Silence you ape! No, I didn't! But the only female in the whole fortress was one of Yuriko Omega's clones."

"So what?" everyone, except Katashi and Hiroshi exclaimed. "Wait, you didn't..."

"Yes, he did! He screwed a Yuriko clone!

It was both awesome and insane but he succeeded!" Hiroshi happily exclaimed.

"Buuuuut, no one could predict what happened next." He continued.

"Come on, what happened? Don't leave us hanging!" Nikita said impatiently.

Katashi grunted and continued:

"The clone went completely berserk in the middle of our contact. It started shouting, shaking and moving stuff at random! I ran away and fell to the sea butt naked!"

"It's true. I fished him out after he fell, that exact time, the clone exploded! It was crazy!" Hiroshi said jovially.

Everyone belly laughed to the end of the story, even Katashi himself.

"Okay lieutenant. Could you please share your story now?" Hiroshi asked.

"Alright. It started out like this..."

5th February 1971

Hereford, United Kingdom, Peacekeeper training facility boot camp.

"Alright fellas! We earned twenty-four hours leave because we're the best. So let's party with caution and civility!"

Lance corporal Shepard announced to the 1st platoon.

A pause...

"WHAT ARE YOU DILDO FACED FAGGOTS WAITING FOR? LETS GO GET DRUNK AT THE PUB!"

A roar...

"HOORAH!" exclaimed the rest of the 1st platoon.

In only five minutes, everyone was at the gate in civilian outfits, bathed and waiting to get out.

"So Greg, ready to lose at darts?" Steve teased Shepard.

"In your dreams private."

They both shared a laugh and got inside the pub. After a few short hours, the whole 1st platoon was in full party mode. Some singing the anthem and insulting communism and japanese imperialism, others playing darts, pool or cards and others engaged in drinking contests or arm wrestling.

Both Shepard and Steve were dizzy as fuck, laughing at the whole debacle that unfolded in front of them.

"Now all we need is to get a girl for you and we're all set Steve."

"Wha? You mean that you can get any girl you want buddy?"

"Any nice girl in this pub I can get!" Shepard claimed.

"Prove it then hotshot! That gal over there!" Steve said pointing at a young blonde at the bar corner. She was very beautiful, a real allied poster girl in the flesh. Shepard was a bit awestruck, but with the alcohol suppressing his inhibitions, he wouldn't back off from the challenge.

"Fifty pounds I'll get her laid in a few hours Steve." Shepard offered a wager.

"You're on Greg."

Against all odds, Shepard managed to pull it off.

The name of that woman was Eva McKenna and she was an intelligence officer working at the same base. She took a shining at Shepard and they did it many times in a six month period, even at her office inside the military base. Until that fateful day came...

"Lieutenant McKenna, connect me with commander Gil... CHRIST ALMIGHTY!"

was the voice of Field Marshal Bingham, looking through the communication camera to the half naked forms of lieutenant McKenna and Lance corporal Shepard. The first one suppressed her urge to scream and covered her body as quickly as possible, while the other bolted out of the window, which he smashed as he barreled through it. Right under it were a lot of rosebushes.

Back to the present...

"... I found Shepard running towards our barracks, completely naked, screaming and covered in thorns. It was the funniest thing I ever witnessed. Some of the thorns were even stuck to..." Steve, who was finishing the story, laughing at some points, was interrupted by Shepard, who had the scariest look anyone ever saw.

"If you finish that sentence, I'll cut your fucking nuts of Steve. Comprende?" Shepard said with a serious, toneless voice.

The four others stood silent for a bit, then broke in uproarious laughter. When they were out of breath, Anton said:

"This was the most hilarious thing I've ever heard!"

"Our lieutenant has some serious guts!"

Hiroshi added.

"Wait, that doesn't explain how she helped us with the drinks. What was that favour you asked?" Nikita asked.

"Simple. He told me to make contact with some local breweries in exchange for an invitation."

Everyone turned to the source of the voice and saw a blond woman in a white dress...

"Hello Eva. How are things?" said Shepard.

AN

I know. The intro is boring. But it is almost over. The end is near and at the second next part, the real story begins.