13th July 2177, 2100 SET, Argos Rho, Phoenix, Fort Gyurza

"COME ON NOW SHEPARD, BEAT HIM ALREADY! I BET 20 FUNDS ON YOU!" Shouted Francis Belmont, one of Shepard's fellow hunter cadets:

"KICK THE KID'S ASS TOOMBS, I HAVE 50 ON YOU!" Shouted a SMACC trooper of the 22nd Mechanised corps.

What happened when Shepard and his team of fellow hunters were assigned to Fort Gyurza to lead them to this moment?

Flashback, 23 hours ago

After Camp X, the remaining 30, who by now completed the training courses, where now considered hunters, but had to serve alongside regular army units for 2 years in order to gain experience at working effectively alongside the other military branches . The cadets were separated in 6 groups of 5, Shepard alongside 4 more of his colleagues, were assigned in Fort Gyurza, which housed the 22nd Mechanised SMACC corps, also known as the 'Ground plowers', and the 13th Thanatonaut Regiment, all under colonel Vitaliy 'Steamroller' Strasskov, the polar opposite of Klaus Färber. Instead of being a strict disciplinarian who would put anyone in latrine duty just for looking at him wrong, Strasskov was far more lax and liked his soldiers to have a few laughs now and then. While he was a very capable officer and his men were excellent on the battlefield, as proved in the first contact war and a batarian raid, Strasskov's behaviour was at best questionable. He enjoyed officer life a bit too much to put it simply. One night, when Shepard and his fellow hunters were having a drink when inside the fort, Strasskov showed up and instead of screaming at them, like Färber would do, he just said:

"Just beer? Here, try some of this." And offered a bottle of vodka. Suffice to say, they were all shock still:

"Drink up comrades, we only have one life, enjoy it, that is an order." The hunters relaxed after that and obliged him. Except Shepard, who was too curious about this display. After training in harsh conditions and under strict instructors, he found it unbelievable for a colonel to be so undisciplined:

"That has to be the strangest order I have ever heard colonel. I like it." He stated, earning a laugh from Strasskov:

"Haha, you must be 'Gunslinger' Doug Shepard. I'm a fan of your work, you sure made the Hegemony piss their panties, right?" He asked joyfully. The rest were completely baffled. Sure, one thing for a high ranking officer to be lax, but he was far too casual to his subordinates:

"Uhh, sir..." Juliana Benitez, one of the few sentient AI candidates, was interrupted by the strange colonel, who didn't lose his smile at all:

"Now, now, there is no need to call me sir. Strasskov will do just fine, or colonel if you like to be more formal, okay?" Shepard started to like Strasskov after this statement. They opened the vodka and, suffice to say, all except Shepard and Juliana, naturally, were pretty dizzy afterwards:

"Anyway, I have places to be, you are free to drink as much as you want, just don't barf at tomorrow's war games." The strange colonel stood up and left, leaving the hunters silent for a full minute:

"Well, that was ominous as fuck, any theories?" Francis asked a bit later:

"Probably a paintball running course. He will put some marines (SMACC troopers) or a juggernaut thanatonaut to hunt us with paint bullets." Hector Gallard stated:

"Nah, most likely he will make us run a combat course in the mud. I saw it just a few hours ago, it has all the good stuff, even one of the new shockwave emitters to simulate artillery barrages." Agnes Jensen interjected:

"Mmm, it will be nice to stay behind you then and enjoy the show. These tights are going to look nice when wet." Francis remarked, earning a slap by a not so pleased Agnes:

"Will you ever grow up Francis? This joke became really old." She scorned:

"Why? It's pretty funny. I could watch you slapping Frank for the rest of my life and never get bored, haha." Hector answered, only to be punched in the nuts by Juliana:

"Owwww, not again." He said with a far higher pitch in his voice, while keeping his family jewels in his hands:

"You get what you deserve. At least the alcohol numbs your pain. Too bad it numbs your brain too." She answered:

"Don't worry sis, he doesn't possess enough of it after all. Drunk or not, not much difference." Agnes shot back and shared a high five with Juliana.

"You are just vexed because you can't get drunk and you're laughing at me?" Hector mockingly asked and dodged the punch that came from Juliana:

"Oooh, burn." Francis answered, grabbing the incoming hand that came as an answer from Agnes.

They continued drinking, talking and joking beside the campfire, more comfortably than back to Camp X. The 5 of them were real troublemakers back there, being screamed at by their superiors, especially Färber, at an almost daily basis. This time however, there was an oddity. Shepard was uncharacteristically quiet. He barely even drank any of the vodka that Strasskov gave to them, he was just sitting down, deep in thought. Finally, the silence caught up to the rest and they turned to Shepard, who seemingly acknowledged it:

"What?" was all he asked:

"You are awfully quiet Shep. Why the sour face? Did that asari girlfriend of yours ditch you or something?" Agnes asked, half serious, half joking.

After Elysium, Shepard ultimately accepted to help Niralya settle in Elysium. His new status as war hero opened a lot of doors and gained him many favours. Eventually, Niralya found a job as a sports commendator for the EUS (Extreme and Unconventional Sports) Channel. Gerald Laroche, the overenthusiastic and adrenaline addicted managing director of this small but ambitious extranet channel, was on Elysium that time. He was saved by Shepard, among many other would be slaves. Long story short, Niralya was interviewed, then subjected to Gerald's Extreme Adventures as an initiation ritual.

This included skydiving, a demolition derby and a motorcycle downhill, which she had to describe as enthusiastically as possible while being in the respective co driver seats. Surprisingly, she managed not only to hold her lunch, but also keep her wits and deliver some pretty, as Gerald quoted, badass lines. End result, Niralya got the job and her real past was safe and unknown to anyone, except Shepard. While thankful for his help, their relationship didn't evolve above a friendship, despite what Shepard's colleagues said:

"For starters, she is just a friend..." Shepard's answer just resulted in raised eyebrows and looks of disbelief. They didn't believe him. Who started the rumour that Niralya and he were a couple, he didn't know:

"...and to answer the original question, I think I actually know what the colonel is talking about." Know that got the attention of the squad. They weren't suprised, as Shepard always seemed to know what was happening. They were jokingly calling him a psychic, but he always found ways to persuade them that he was just smart and perceptive. If they knew that their original assumption was actually true...:

"I believe that Strasskov will pit us in an event called the Demolition Rally. Ever heard of it?" Shepard asked:

"The Demo Rally? That's my favourite show in the EUS Channel! It has everything! Tanks, explosions, mud and..."

Francis was interrupted by Hector:

"Woah, hold your horses dude, just give the summary version to those who don't know about it." Of course, he meant the 2 ladies of the group. They both glared at him, and Agnes talked first:

"For your intelligence, I saw a few episodes of that show, and I really liked the one with the wrecking ball which featured the Oyama twins." She said enthusiastically:

"Bah, they are rank amateurs compared to the Hammerhead duo. They are really awesome, for batarians I mean." Hector added:

"Don't know about you all, but I really like the commentator of the channel. The asari who is nicknamed 'The Blue Saint'. If I didn't knew asari were monogendered, I would swear she has balls of steel. Unlike someone else." Juliana said and looked at Hector. They were about to get in a fight, until Shepard intervened:

"Balls of steel aside, tomorrow we will be in the Demo Rally. So, let us enjoy the show, okay pumpkins? Also, answer my question. None of you knows who the blue saint really is?" He asked. The others looked each other and eventually shook their heads:

"Her real name is Niralya B'Sern, sounds familiar to you all?" He said with a smirk. Shepard's friends stared at him with wide eyes. Was it true, Douglas refused to have an actual celebrity as a girlfriend?:

"Dude, are you for real?" Hector asked, full of disbelief:

"Aye, the asari I helped find a job is the blue saint." Shepard answered:

"Shit man, and you're still stag? Hey, is she still single?" Francis made another one of his remarks. It was fun most times, but now Shepard was just bored. He yawned and stood up saying:

"Enough talking and drinking for the night lads and ladies. I don't know about you, but I recommend hitting the hay. Tomorrow will be full of fun and adventure, so I'm gonna get some shut eye." He left the others and went straight to the barracks. The rest stood there for a bit and then each went to their respective bunks after extinguishing the campfire.

The next day, 0500 SET

No matter the planet, no matter the starship or where they slept, hunters were trained to be awake at least one hour earlier than the rest of the population. Today was no different for Shepard and his team. At the crack of the dawn, they were up and exercising in the nearby woods. 100 push ups, 100 sit ups, 50 squat thrusts, climbing a 20 meter tree, 200 punches and kicks at said tree, 5 kilometres running and 100 pull ups before breakfast. It was 7 o'clock, but they didn't expect to find the mess hall bustling with so much activity that early though. They were definitely excited, most likely for the upcoming event. Strasskov was also there, encouraging the hoots and hollers even more. But when he raised his arms, complete and utter silence fell in the room. No wonder how he kept his position as a colonel despite his rowdiness. He started speaking using a voice amplifier:

"As you are well aware, today, we are going to host yet another Demolition Rally in the Mud Pit." A round of applause followed:

"Also, we have 5 guests of honor, who I am sure you all know and are afraid of, but no need to worry, they are in our side, GIVE OUR HUNTERS THE WELCOME THEY DESERVE!" He said and showed said hunters. All troopers assembled immediately stood up and started cheering and clapping, some even singing

their anthem:

"WE ARE THE GROUND PLOWERS, DON'T YOU FUCK WITH US!

CAUSE IF YOU DO SO, WE'LL POUND YOU IN THE DUST!

THOSE WHO ARE FRIENDS THOUGH HAVE NOTHING TO FEAR FROM US!

BUT IF YOU'RE AN ENEMY WE'RE GOING TO KICK YOUR ASS!"

And the crowd went wild. Shepard, for a moment, felt like he was back home at London, chanting along with the lads for Liverpool. These days, despite all the time that passed, were still fresh in his mind. He felt a wave of nostalgia, as he had years to talk to the lads or even his parents. Part of the training, a hunter must be able to endure being and working alone. It wasn't really difficult for Shepard to adapt, what caught him by surprise was the fact that he was the center of attention for so many people. He was taken out of his thoughts when the mass of people opened a way for Strasskov to pass. Once again, everyone fell silent:

"Now, the basics of the Demo rally for those who don't know..." he pointed at the group of troops that stayed quiet during the chant:

"...YEAH, I MEAN THE SALADS OVER THERE..." his remark caused another round of laughter from the seasoned soldiers:

"...the Demo Rally is a racing/fighting sport. 15 vehicles, each manned by 2 people, the goal is simple. Be the last duo standing. There are 4 types of vehicles. The buggies are fast and hit hard, but they need skill to be used effectively and are also pretty brittle. The hovercrafts are well balanced and versatile at every aspect, the half trucks are stable, boasting decent firepower and armor, but are a little hard to maneuver and finally, my favourite, the tanks are heavily armed and armored, but also slow and big targets for your opponents. The weapons are designed to only damage the exterior and certain compartments of the vehicles, so the crew don't have to worry much about serious injuries. Any questions?" Strasskov asked. Juliana raised her hand:

"Just one question. Who are the contestants?"

"Why don't you see for yourself? COME ON EVERYONE, TO THE MUD PIT!" Strasskov said and went outside, the assembled troopers following close by in remarkable order, Shepard and his team lagged behind for a bit. After a kilometer of walk, they started hearing the roars of engines, along with missile and cannon explosions. The view that greeted them was far better than the Demo Rally episodes they saw on the TV. A dozen of armed vehicles were practicing in the Mud Pit, a wide arena filled with large bumps, holes and, of course, covered in mud. Hundreds of soldiers were already assembled, cheering at the practice run. They looked like they were there for some time. So much for the hunters waking up earlier than everyone else:

"HEY FELLAS, LOOK AT THAT GREEN AND YELLOW HALFTRUCK, IT'S THE HAMMERHEAD DUO!" Hector enthusiastically shouted as said vehicle performed a corkscrew jump and landed perfectly:

"It's not just them, it's everyone. The Oyama twins, the Drunken Scots, Yin and Yang, Nakmor Brenk and Trosh, the T'Bani sisters, the Kaboomers, Hammer and Sickle..." At that point Shepard and the rest turned their heads towards the source of the voice. A young asari with a scar crossing her left eye. She looked happy to see a certain person, but didn't stop talking about the competitors after she took a breath:

"...the Volus crazies, Slow and Steady, the Knuckleheads and last but not least..." a multitude of explosions made her stop mid-sentence. A light tank, coloured in many different colours and covered in flashing lights, flew over 3 vehicles, using its cannon to literally soar to the skies. Every watcher, be it trooper, thanatonaut, hunter, fellow Demo Rally competitor or civilian, immediately recognised the craziest and, presently, only cross species duo in the entire Demo Rally scene. Theophilus King, a coloured guy hailing from the American Midwest, and Septivia Macritius, born in Palaven, daughter of none other but former councillor Quilio himself. Suffice to say, this unlikely duo became widely known for its controversial pairing, earning them the team name 'Bastards', which they wore as a badge of honor:

"...and let's not forget the Bastards, the craziest of us all." Niralya finished:

"Looks like you found your true calling Nir." Shepard commented. Niralya came closer and hugged him. While she was taller than the average asari, standing at 1.8 meters (5 feet 11 inches), Shepard was a bit taller at 1.88 meters (6 feet 2 inches), making the hug look pretty adorable, especially to Douglas's fellow hunters. A few awwws later, they broke the hug, both looking towards the group of giggling elite soldiers with a look so venomous that could make even colonel Färber flinch:

"What, nothing funny to laugh at? Did I fail to entertain you? Maybe I should start a clown dance or wear a fake red nose, huh?" Niralya asked in a cold, creepy voice, at the same time advancing towards the now terrified hunters. Hector was about to open his mouth, but decided against it:

"I see there is no problem then. So, how do you feel about the upcoming event?" Niralya asked, her joyful expression and voice returned:

"Question. Where are the last 3 duos? I see only 12 here." Hector asked, genuinely curious. The answer came by none other than colonel Strasskov:

"Simple comrades, you 5 will make the honors. You were trained at driving and shooting, no?" Shepard and Niralya expected this answer. The other 4 not really:

"Wait, us? Contestants at the Demo Rally?"

Agnes asked:

"Hot damn Doug, your instinct was correct once again." Francis admitted:

"Juliana, I call dibs at our team name..." Hector said, but was interrupted by the synthetic:

"No, we are not a duo, and no, I don't like the name Wildcats." She answered:

"Calm down, you are already paired. Juliana Benitez and Francis Belmont, you are team Leopard, Hector Gallard and Agnes Jensen, team Tiger, Douglas Shepard, because you are obviously too good to be paired with a hunter, you can choose both the team name and one of my troops as your number 2. Take your pick, we still have time." He stated, looking at his wrist pad for the time. It was 0730, 12 and a half hours to the start of the event. A few troopers and thanatonauts were assembled in front of Shepard after Strasskov whistled for them. They all looked like seasoned soldiers. Douglas could make it work:

"Which one of you believes is best suited to become my second in the Demo Rally?" Shepard asked. Nearly every assembled soldier raised a hand. Time for a new trick then:

"Alright, which one of you is the nastiest, meanest, toughest bastard to ever exist in this godamned galaxy?" Shepard asked again. This time fewer raised their hands, laughing at his remark. One of them, instead of joining the others, just spat on the ground, seemingly uncaring about the whole situation, but looking at Shepard very carefully. Douglas showed a finger towards him:

"What's your name soldier?" He asked:

"Andrew." He answered, not bothering to salute:

"Full name and rank?" Shepard asked again:

"Corporal Andrew Toombs." He said with complete nonchalance:

"Hmm, you're not much of a talker, eh mate?"

"I'm more of a doer amigo."

Shepard smirked at his remark. His instincts and psychic powers proved him correct one more time. This guy really was what he looked for. Toombs took part in many batarian raids and was actually commentated for personal bravery. Capable in driving vehicles, using weapons and knew how to follow orders, without letting military protocol stand in his way. Shepard had to ask why Toombs did so:

"Any reason you don't bother following the proper protocol?"

"Why the hell should I? I follow orders and get the job done. If these turian payasos spent less time saluting and more time getting mierda done, perhaps they would be more of a challenge in the first contact war." Toombs stated.

"Alright then Toombs, will you be my gunner for the event?" Shepard asked. Toombs thought for a bit:

"Okay jefe, when do we start?" Toombs said:

"We only have about 12 hours, so how about right now?" Toombs this time saluted and answered:

"Yes sir."

"It's settled then. You made a good choice Shepard. Go for a warm-up now, you're gonna need it." Strasskov ordered the 5 hunters and left. The other assembled soldiers who hoped to be picked were dismissed, some relieved, others unhappy, the rest with neutral expressions:

"The available vehicles are at that factory assembler over there. Choose whatever you prefer of the 4 types" Strasskov pointed at a nearby structure and left.

Start of the event, half an hour before the present...

"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, IT'S WRECKING TIME IN THE MUD PIT. AS ALWAYS, WE HAVE MANY CRAZY CONTESTANTS, BUT TODAY FEATURES 5 HUNTERS, STRAIGHT FROM CAMP X. GIVE A HURRAH FOR THEM!" Niralya announced at the start of the match, making the assembled crowd of soldiers and civilians cheer and holler. She was wearing her signature blue flight suit and made sure everyone was hyped. Shepard and Toombs chose a halftruck as their vehicle. Armed with a quad autocannon on a rotating turret and capable of hitting both ground and air targets, the Soviet Commodore T-11 APC, descendant of the fabled Bullfrog transport, was one hell of a combat vehicle. Enough room for a driver, a gunner and 6 passengers, the Commodore kept its role as the main personnel carrier of the coalition's armed forces for more than 50 years, along the Imperial manufactured Suterusu type 61 carrier, the American designed M-122 Razorback IFV and the Dutch made Badger AFV-9. Back to the event, Shepard was a bit nervous. So many years of training either alone or in small teams made him dislike attention. Now, he was the center of attention for too many people and his psychic abilities made his head buzz because of it:

"Hey amigo, you ready?" Shepard was jostled back to reality by none other but his partner, corporal Andrew Toombs.

"Aye, I'm just used to be more cloak and dagger than the other wankers."

"Just ignore these idiotas pero, relax." Toombs adviced:

"Anyway, is the Commodore ready for action?" Shepard tried to take his mind away from the crowd:

"Si. All systems nominal, fuel cells fresh off the assembly plant, drivetrain and thrust nozzles operational and the turret can't wait to spread hot flak with love." Toombs chuckled at his joke:

"Heh, just try not to miss, we have limited ammo mate." Shepard answered. Toombs nodded and proceeded to start the engine.

A satisfying whirr meant the halftruck was ready for action. The duo prepared well despite the limited time they had till the start of the event. Of course, Douglas once again used his powers to get a bit more info about driving, not just from Toombs, but from all the drivers and did so without anyone noticing anything. Sure saved time learning, but experience had to be earned:

"Problem is, that red fish you painted on the truck is like an estupido target that screams 'HIT ME'!" Toombs didn't really fancy Shepard's idea of painting a big red carp on the vehicle, let alone naming the duo 'Team Carp':

"Come on now mate, I told you I was goddamn nostalgic. Besides, it sure adds flair, aye?" Shepard groaned as he answered:

"Yeah, whatever jefe." Toombs answered and went to his turret nest:

"RACERS, GET READY FOR RUMBLE! IN 3,2,1..."

Because of the sheer awesomeness and delightful violence of the following scenes, which include the Oyama twins blowing up the turret out of Nakmor Brenk and Trosh's tank, with Trosh still inside said turret, team Leopard making a corkscrew jump over 2 vehicles in their buggy, Yin and Yang were pushed and battered upside down by the Drunken Scots, and many other crazy stunts and shenanigan later, team Carp won after sending Hammer and Sickle in the junk heap with a well executed flip strike while mid air:

"WE HAVE OUR WINNERS! TEAM CARP IS VICTORIOUS WITH A BEAUTIFUL FLIP STRIKE AGAINST HAMMER AND SICKLE! A ROUND OF APPLAUSE EVERYBODY!" The assembled crowd obliged and a thundering applause was heard, along with cheers and whoops as the victorious duo exited the vehicle and... started bickering with each other. Soon, as they were moving towards the exit, it escalated to louder bickering. Niralya went closer and listened a few snippets:

"... I fucking told you to hold fire you bleeding idiot..."

"... cut the shit pendejo loco..."

"... the fuck ye called me ya motherless arse faced..."

"... I'll kill you if you talk about my madre..."

"... ye want to fucking die twat?" At this point, Shepard grabbed Toombs by his collar:

"NOBODY PUSHES ME AROUND PUTA!" Toombs clocked Shepard right on the jaw.

And this leads us to the present...

A fully committed fistfight broke between Shepard and Toombs, reasons unknown, with many placing bets around the 2 brawlers. Suffice to say, colonel Strasskov wasn't happy at this. Not one bit. When the fight was over after about 10 minutes, with both of them collapsing, Shepard from pain and exhaustion, while Toombs was downed from a couple of kicks to his head. They were both sent to the medical center to recover:

"Good news, the crowd thought that your little fight was just part of the show, congratulations for your win by the way. Bad news, I have to punish you for misconduct." Strasskov announced:

"Say no more. Latrine duty, here we come." Shepard answered, half joking. Strasskov chuckled evilly and shot back:

"No, I will not make it that easy for you. The coalition brass is escalating the raids against the pirate bases and fleets. As the merciful colonel I am, I believe you need to take a break from all the fighting..." at this point, both Shepard and Toombs looked horrified at what was coming:

"...while the 'Ground plowers' will be fighting in the front lines, you will stay here to train the salads. Sounds good?" Before the duo could answer, Strasskov left, laughing out loud. Toombs and Shepard were left alone at their respective beds, bruised and battered, but still lucid:

"FUCK!" was all Shepard could say:

"Hey. At least you don't have your head wrapped like a Christmas present amigo." Toombs joked:

"Piss off ye bloody wanker." Shepard answered. They both laughed a bit after a few seconds. Soon, Niralya entered the medical ward:

"Hello Doug, you look like shit." She teased:

"You on the other hand look mighty fine lass. Mind if ye fetch me a water bottle?" She nodded and did so. Shepard drank and smiled:

"How did you get inside chica? The medical officer is not allowing visitors." Toombs asked. Niralya showed an open window and her flight suit, looking at Toombs like he was a complete idiot:

"If you have no more stupid questions, why did you and Dougie here start fighting?" The both looked confused at the question:

"To tell you the truth, I haven't the foggiest idea Nir." Niralya turned to Toombs with a look of disbelief:

"Neither do I remember the reason." Shepard and Toombs looked at each other for a moment, then broke up in uproarious laughter. Talk about making a joke out of the dreaded task of training newbies.

AN

Yeah, I know, I just disappeared without a warning, but with good reason. I was in the can the whole January. Let's just say that me and some of my friends got drunk in the New Year and the MP's came to pick us up. When I woke up, I was in a cell, my fists were bruised and I was told that they found me sleeping and drooling on top of 6 MP's. At least they admitted they were impressed by my hand to hand combat prowess. Now I am out and about to continue writing my fanfic. I also made corrections in the previous chapters. Thank you for your patience and, again, my apologies. For more details and questions, send a comment or two, eh?