"I know Bud really wants the cash from the tickets, but why doesn't he understand that the Gleefuls coming to this party can literally destroy our lives?" Pacific flopped onto his bed.
"He hates them until he can con them out of money. That's how he works." Gal scrutinized several bowties. " Maybe a skinny tie would be a better choice for you if you really want to impress Rob…"
"You think so? But what's the point, they're going to ruin it anyways!"
"Probably."
He groaned into his pillow.
"Kids!" Bud had an accent even thicker than his daughter's. "I need you to print more flyers!"
"Come on, Patz. You'll worry yourself to death."
Pacific sat up . "Does he expect us to walk to the copy story?
"He probably does, but he's forgetting we have a copy machine in the shack. Maybe if you get out of bed today, you can distract yourself from your problem."
"Doubt it."
She sighed quietly. He was usually quite aware of when she had something on her mind, too. Like the fact that she finally had an opportunity to make some friends outside of her cousin or the people that Bud literally paid to be around, and she definitely wasn't ready. She really could use the fashion advice more than him. She tugged at a strand of greasy hair. And maybe a shower. She raised her voice stiltedly, "You know, I hear that nothing takes your mind off your worries like focusing on other people." This was echoing his usual philosophy, when he wasn't being so stupid. Gal also found the Gleefuls pretty exhausting, but then again so was holding a grudge. She had other things to worry about.
"Okay, okay! I get it!" He rolled out of bed smoothly.
Finally!
"I'll help you make copies."
He didn't get it.
"You didn't mention the copier was an antique."
She shrugged. "Maybe it'll work? I mean, there's only about half the moths in here than I expected."
"How does it work anyway?" He pushed random buttons while resting his elbow on the scanner.
"Look, it's starting to glow green!" The machine then let out a giant poof of black smoke, blinding them. When it had cleared, a sheet of paper slid out.
"Hey!" She gestured to the print of his arm. "It worked-what?" The paper shriveled up, then formed into a 3D, living arm. They both leaped backwards as the arm began to crawl towards them.
"Stay back !" Pacific threw his cup of punch on the arm in panic. The punch dissolved it on contact.
"Do you realize what this means?"
Yeah...we don't have to walk to the copier store!"
Pacific rubbed his neck. He had wormed his way into manning the ticket table with Robin, but he was starting to have second thoughts. Why is it that I'm fine around everyone else, but when I'm with her, I'm a total klutz?
"Hey, Patz." Pacific jolted at Rob's touch. "Just a heads-up, it looks like the psychotic twins are in line, and they brought company."
Pacific groaned. "Do you mind if I go inside ? Just until they're done buying tickets?" Right now, they were the last thing he needed.
"Sure, I'll cover for you."
"Thanks!" He leapt up.
"Watch out for Mr. Pines!"
Pacific took the time to get a drink and scan the room. Gal was tentatively talking to two other girls on the sidelines. He flashed her a thumbs up, but she didn't notice.
"Now remember everyone, who ever party-hardies ... what?" Mel squinted at an instructional book. "Um, they win the party crown!" He lifted an gaudy, cheap crown in the air. "Most applause at the end of the night wins!"
Pacific nearly spat out his drink when he spotted Bud. He was inching away towards the door when-
"Northwest!"
Pacific stifled a groan and turned to Abel Gleeful with two of his friends by his side. Pacific marveled at how warmly the Gleefuls dressed during the summer and yet their porcelain skin never grew the least bit pink. Abel wore a cashmere turtleneck underneath a long coat with an upturned collar, reminiscent of his sister's cape. He made a show of slipping off the coat and making like he was going to drop it to the ground. A nearby boy dived for it and offered it back to him. "Be a dear and put this up for, hm?" He patted the boy like one would a pathetic but well-meaning dog. The boy did so eagerly.
Jesus Christ. Who does he think he is?
Abel turned back to him. "You know, I wasn't expecting any real competition tonight. Maybe you can change that?"
"Buzz off."
"Whatever you say. It's just…" He stroked the party crown, Mel not having the courage to stop him. "I'll let you in on a little secret. I don't like things to be too easy. Tonight I wanted to win after I actually went against someone, who, under normal circumstances, might have a chance. The victory will be so much sweeter. But hey, if you're scared…"
Well, it was about time someone showed him his place.
"Pacific!"
He went rigid.
"I told you to stay at the table!"
"I… I was just coming in for a bathroom break. I'll go back out in a second, Bud."
"You better." He narrowed his eyes. "Money doesn't collect itself." He walked off.
Abel raised an eyebrow. "The ticket table. It's cute how eager you are to help around the shack." He emphasized the word to sound like "cheap, infested rat nest."
"Some people have to do that. You know, work for a living, unless he happened to be born with a golden spoon in his mouth."
Abel didn't confirm or deny this, only smiling conciliatingly. "Like I said, cute."
He might kick him, if he had the time. "This isn't over!" He called over his shoulder as he ran towards the copy room.
"Wouldn't dream of it!" Abel waved, having gotten exactly what he wanted. Again.
Pacific rose from his place on the scanner. Even though he had seen it before, seeing his paper copy of himself was still very unnerving.
"So…" They spoken in unison.
"Wait, I'll speak first. Alright, let's get down to business! I want to talk to Rob, but Abel...well, he's weird. For being 'all that', he's really hung up on that contest. You know how he is if he's ignored. He would totally throw a tantrum and try to humiliate me in front of Rob, pour a bucket of pig's blood on me or something." Or, based on his general impression of Abel, maybe pig's blood wouldn't make enough of a statement.
"And you also want-need to beat him."
"Well, yeah." No use in pretending for his clone.
"It would smarter for you to deal with him. If it involves the Gleefuls things can get messy, and I am just made out of paper."
"Right! Okay, do better with Rob than I did and we'll be fine!" They walked out.
"I hope you kill on the dance floor!"
The other pictured Abel's smug expression. "Oh, I will."
If I'm killing, he's committing mass murder. It was true, Abel had both the natural talent and actual voice training, and while Pacific was good and definitely no stranger to karaoke or dancing, it would take a small miracle to win, especially if Abel's town popularity was a factor.
Meanwhile his copy hummed in contentment. Even though it was his first real interaction with Rob, his feeling were just as strong as his original counterpart.
"Hey, Rob."
#2 turned his head to see a bored looking Wendel leaning against the ticket table. Like Robin, he was older than Pacific, and so rugged... Some girls really went for that. Some even exclusively. He attempted to pick the peeling lavender nail polish of his hands, pretending to not pay attention to the others' conservation. He stopped once he remembered that he was made of paper, and therefore picking off the color revealed white. Right.
"You don't mind if I hang out with Wendel, do you?"
"Of course not," he said through gritted teeth.
"Thanks a lot!" She dragged Wendel inside.
He cursed to himself. Maybe this called for another copy…
That stupid, perfect pretty-boy!"
While Pacific was dripping with sweat, Abel was as fresh and in place as when he arrived.
Abel looked over at him and smirked. " I am pretty, aren't I ?" He laughed and spun around.
An image formed in his mind.
"Oh, Wendel." Rob sighed. "You may be a slacker, but your too cool for school attitude and your ability to actually talk to me drives me up the wall!" She was dipped to the floor." Let's get married ! But first…" She stalked over to Pacific and gave him a harsh slap . "Oh, Wendel! Take me now!"
Despite the fact he had stopped moving, Pacific had began to sweat twice as much. Many people were staring at him, Abel most of all. No doubt he had seen the whole thing.
"Shimmery Twinkleheart , he's your friend ! There's so many new adventures and friendships juuust around the bend!"
That was his cellphone's unfortunate ring tone. He was starting to think the nostalgia wasn't worth it. He flipped it open before even more people started to stare. "Hello?"
"Hey, Pacific Original ! Here's the deal, Wendel and Rob are hanging out, and I got left with the ticket booth."
" What?"
"But don't worry, I'm taking care of it. Or rather, we're taking care of it."
"You made more clones?" He hissed, neglecting to notice that Abel had crept closer. "I'm coming up there, right now !" He clicked his cellphone off.
"Backing out so soon?" Abel asked.
"I'm coming back, so stop gloating."
"No, It fine. I mean, I haven't had any time to talk to Gal at all, not even one dance. I believe a break is well overdue."
Pacific growled, backing away slowly. "Don't try anything funny!"
"I promise to not do anything you wouldn't do!"
Pacific burst into his room. " What the- how many clones did you make?"
"Well, uh, I really should have labelled them. But I do know that Three and Four have stolen Wendel's bike.
"And Five and Seven are on the lookout in case he returns!"
"And Six is at the Ticket table!"
"And ... there's also Number Eight. Better known as Paper Jam Pacific .
Pacific turned to stare into the deranged eyes of his copy, and then quickly looked away. "Well, anyway."
The clones all left to perform their respective tasks, but the machine wasn't left alone for long.
"Alright, gentleman!" Abel clasped his hands. "You know your duties?"
"Very handsome gentlemen," the second Abel reminded him.
"Yes, we are!" joined the third.
"If we band together, we can drag Gal away to our manor !" Four pumped his fist.
"No." Abel waved his hands. " We're gentlemen, remember?"
Two let out a bark of laughter, and was in turn glared at by all the others. He masked it with a cough.
Anyways, Two, when Pacific returns, you'll compete against him. Three, since I made a promise to my just simply precious sister, you'll be the lookout for her. Again."
"Assistant to the creep who wants to rummage through Pacific's things, got it!"
"And Four, you'll keep watch over Pacific's copies, okay?"
Four crossed his arms. "And you?"
"I'll be with Gal, of course!" He opened the door. "Now, let's party!" He nearly sprinted down the hall.
His copies exchanged a glance. "Of course he's eager-"
"-he's the one that that actually gets to enjoy himself."
They nodded to each other and began to construct a plan .
"Now, um, Dipper, you help me look while my brother's copy-"
The copy made a quiet sigh.
Dipper stared at her. A moment passed, then another. It seemed that given she was talking to herself, she would have to be the one to initiate communication. Smashing. "Yes?"
"Seeing as this could be confusing, not to mention off-putting, you could possibly call me by an alternative name."
"Such as?
The other looked at her.
"Absolutely not. That name is ridiculous, saccharine-"
"It's only the two of us. When will you next have the opportunity?
She sighed. Fine, but you can only call me Tanya in private, understood?"
Unfortunately, they would not be in private shortly.
"Now, copy of Abel, you keep watch while Tanya-" Dipper froze at her mistake.
Able #3 rolled his eyes. "I read your mind years ago, I already know!"
No, my brother read my mind, Dipper silently corrected. But that was before they set boundaries. Besides, Dipper had a stronger, more secure mind now.
She was quick to change the subject: "Come now, we have a journal to find."
"And Northwest's private drawer to raid!" Abel pumped his fist with fake enthusiasm.
Dipper could now see that she would hate Abel #2 just as much as her real brother.
"So, your new friends abandoned you to dance." Able took a sip of his drink, the picture of sympathy. The nice thing about the average Gravity Falls citizen was just how little money it took to convince them to do anything, even abandon a perfectly sweet, lonely girl.
"Yep. I don't know how to, and so here I am." Gal tore her napkin into little pieces.
He shook his head. "Some people are idiots."
She shrugged. "Some people..."
"I could make an excellent teacher."
Gal watched her friends (?) dancing. They pointedly did not meet her eye. Things usually went this way, and it looked like that wasn't going to change anytime soon. Or maybe ever.
Sometimes Abel preferred not using his powers to guess what other people were thinking. With Gal, it was easy. Her forehead scrunched up and her mouth dropped down into a frown. He took another sip of his drink, patient. He knew the moment he had her. He flashed a look to Grendo and Candy, who cued Mel to play a slow song. Based on his only slightly tensed expression, he figured they used bribery instead of threats this time. Abel took her by the hand, forever the gentleman.
"Do you hear something?" Dipper asked her double.
They finished walking the last steps. "Sounds like... Northwest?"
"But listen. It sounds like more than one." They crept towards the attic door.
"Come on, Nine has been distracting Mel for fifteen minutes!"
"Right ...but we've been talking. Why should you be the one to dance with Rob?"
"Because I'm Pacific Original! Guys, you promised that we wouldn't turn on each other…"
"I think we all knew we were lying. Get him !" The Dippers heard rustling and a yelp.
"Okay, now that he's been taking care of, I nominate myself to dance with Rob. I have been around her the most."
"Okay, fair point, fair point. Counterpoint, I should be the one to dance with her since I've been around her the least."
They heard the group approaching the door. The Dippers hurried to hide.
"That makes like zero sense!"
"You make zero sense!" They heard a thud.
" Hey, buddy. How about a cracker?"
" NANANA-AHH !"
" Yikes."
"Don't look at your feet; look at me." As Abel's dance instructor once told him, everyone could dance. Still. It came naturally to some people, and to others...
"Like this?" She had begun dancing with her hands barely grazing Abel's shoulders, but now she was held them in an unconsciously bone crushing grip.
"Yes! Ready to try a spin while we have the space?"
"As I'll ever be."
The spin caused them to separate them at the end, Gal still twirling three turns after. "Hey, it worked!" Gal looked around her. " Abel ?" She was alone .
"We should take advantage of his room being empty." Dipper nodded.
"They're both slobs." Tanya began to rifle through the drawers.
"This room smells like incense and sweat."
"And flowers..."
"Hello?" They heard a pounding on the closet door. "Is anyone out there ?"
They exchanged glances.
On one hand , I could just leave him and I could continue to search for the journal. On the other hand, there are multiple versions of Northwest that locked him in a closet and are now loose. Dipper sighed and nodded. "Hide," she mouthed. Rolling her eyes, she put a hand to her amulet and she began to turn the lock.
"Let me go!" Somehow Abel's struggles went unnoticed by the crowds of people and his copies, dressed in identity concealing hoods, dragged him away.
"Why should we? We want to spend time with her too."
"And we will." #2 snapped his fingers. "Right after we take care of you."
"I wouldn't be so sure about that." They all turned to see Dipper, Tanya, and an angry Pacific.
"Seriously? Abel, you made a copy too?"
"Three copies, actually." He supposed that given they were copies of him, he should have predicted they would turn out this way, but he wasn't going to admit it.
"And you're not one to talk , Pacific Original." Everyone turned to see all of his clones (minus Three and Four) ready to attack. "Okay guys, guys. I think we all know what this means." The clone's eyes swept the room. "Clone fight!"
Dipper had the most advantage, having the power to throw a clone around at will, although only one at the time. Not to mention she didn't have a clone to fight.
One of Abel's copies slammed his fist into his double's chest before getting tackled by Able #2.
In hindsight, not numbering their doubles was a poor choice.
It was Dipper, Pacific, and Abel against three of Abel's copies and six of Pacific's, which was rather tough odds. They also realized another thing: paper copies didn't get tired.
"Guys?" Gal had to yell to even hear herself over the crowd. Abel, Pacific? What was going on ? She weaved through the crowd, trying her best not to get trampled. Perhaps they went to the living area?
No guys ! I'm Six, see?"
"That's not me, guys!"
To call it a surprise was an understatement. Yep, he used the copy machine. And Abel. Dipper too. Geez, I think Abel's about to be seriously injured-
She threw her punch onto the copy, effectively disintegrating it before it could rip out Abel's throat. "I-I have more in this cup !" Gal waived the remaining ounce of punch threateningly. The remaining copies hissed and scattered.
"Oh, you're a regular hero!" Abel practically jumped into her arms, forgetting she was still standing. He didn't let this deter him.
Gal cried out from her position on the floor. "You're cutting off my circulation!"
"They're only gone temporarily. We need a plan to destroy them permanently." Dipper brushed herself off.
Pacific nodded tiredly. "Let's brainstorm."
"Where are they?" The Pacifics asked again.
How are we supposed to know?" The Abel clones stalked around the floor. Even their paper versions didn't get along. "We've checked the entire upstairs, the perimeter of the shack -"
A Pacific snapped his fingers. "But we haven't checked the actual party! Come on!
"Any second now."
"Look!" Gal pointed out into the crowd." There's two Pacifics!"
"There's another, plus one of me!" Abel said.
"There's the other one , and two more of me…"
Eventually they registered every remaining copy. "Dipper, it's time."
Dipper took a breath and began to concentrate. This would require a lot of focus …
"Dipper."
She gritted her teeth. "Working on it!"
The clones were yards away now.
"When we reach them, we steal Abel's original identity and marry Gala, right?"
"Only one of us can...never mind."
The other copy gasped. " I can make a copy of her!"
Gal could now hear every word. "Gleeful …" she urged.
"Just a moment."
The whole crowd gasped as they felt the freezing drops of the fire sprinklers, and their shock grew when the copies began to shrivel in the water. Not waiting for the initial shock to wear off, the four ran outside .
"That was chaotic ." Pacific rubbed his neck while surveying the damage.
"This will take days to clean up," Dipper observed. "Well, we have places to be-"
"Sister dearest, mind if I ask a favor?" Abel leaned in to whisper in her ear.
Her eyes rolled into the back of her skull, but she nodded and began to collect the water, drop by drop, and depositing them in the various buckets on the floor.
"What are you doing?"
"Helping you by drying out the dance floor. Oh, and it looks like someone saved you a dance." He gestured to the approaching Rob.
"I understand why you'd want to clear the floor for yourself and Gal-"
"You have me there."
"But why did you ask Rob for me?"
"We're friends, aren't we?" He put an arm around him.
"You're trying to impress my cousin, aren't you?"
"Plus it makes my sister furious. Anyways, I have a dance to finish. Come to think of it, I didn't finish with you either."
"Let's just call it a drawl ."
"No, I'll get your janitor to add another song."
"Mel."
"I will win, by the way."
Pacific suppressed a smile. "We'll find out when the time comes, Gleeful."
And Abel did win, not that Pacific minded at this point. Maybe tonight he had gained a bit of perspective on what qualified as a real problem.
"Quite the night." Tanya put her chin in her hands .
"I suppose."
"Have a drink." Tanya waved a can of something. "Might take the edge off."
She opened the can and sipped gingerly. "Do you think Northwest will ever get over his infatuation with that … girl?"
"I don't know. But perhaps what Abel said was correct. Maybe we do get in our own way. Or in his words, 'Act like an arrogant, unlikable jerk'."
"Hmph."
"I know. Cheers." Tanya took a sip. "Oh, right." Her body began to crumple.
"Tanya?"
"We had a good run. But remember what we talked about."
" I ... I will."
"Then get out there! Before it's too late-" Her soggy remains let out one last fizzle before melting completely.
Dipper exhaled. She had not been so understood since... She poured the rest of the (repulsive) drink in the liquid pool. Perhaps she would take her own advice.
The hooded figures made no more sound than a light breeze while they gazed at the scene before them. Two couples dancing away, with someone they knew very well standing off to the side .
"Your original orders still stand ?" The tallest and bulkiest figure asked.
"Yes. Dipper Gleeful's mind isn't something to be trifled with, and if we to try to erase her mind or the minds of the select few she puts above the ignorant citizens of the town ... well, it would not be ideal. As for remaining citizens of Gravity Falls however ..." The man gravely nodded and typed . M-Y-S-T-E-R-Y S-H-A-C-K P-A-R-T-Y . " It shall be unseen."
By the next morning , the citizens" terror was washed away and replaced with blissful ignorance.
