I thought things would be different after leaving the dark underground training square, and the master.
"30km run, starting now." A tall woman with long pointed ears said. We all looked at her blankly for a moment, but she only turned to the left and motioned for us to move.
I was with almost a thousand other children in a giant brightly lit gymnasium. We had all been fed some sort of barley or grain porridge with fruit this morning, and provided shoes that fit our feet with a set of warm clothes as well. Yet, here we were being ordered to run in exactly the same manner as the master.
"Spread out." Elalindra ordered. She was watching over the group of children who had woken up near me. There were ten of us in total. Other women with the same long ears herded their groups of children, spacing them out for some reason. Perhaps they wanted to lessen the amount of collateral damage when they began to weed out the weak ones.
"Wait." The long eared woman said as she brushed a strand of red hair behind her ear. We stood there, evenly spaced out as row after row of children began to start running. Once the group ahead of us was a few meters ahead, Elalindra said, "Go." and we began to run. Elalindra followed beside us, skipping instead of running. She seemed to float through the air with every step, traveling the same distance we took 5 or 6 steps to travel in a single hop.
We continued to run for a while, then I noticed one of the children in the group ahead of us slowing down. It was a boy, and he seemed to be having trouble breathing.
Suddenly, the boy's legs gave way, and he fell. I and the others of my group sidestepped around him easily. He had been far enough ahead of us to react, and we had ample room between us to avoid him.
I turned my head to see what would happen to him; what would happen to me if I too should stumble.
A different long eared woman approached the fallen boy, and he struggled to get on his feet.
I had seen this sight before, back in the dark training arena of the master. All who fell during the runs were often trampled by the rest of us. Those who could still move after that always tried to get back up, even though it was useless. The master or one of his assistants would slowly approach the one who fell, and execute them. Even if they managed to stand back up, they would still be shot.
Failure only happened once.
The boy must have known what was going to happen to him as well, because I could see tears flowing down his eyes. It was already too late for him, but some animal instinct kept his hands and feet moving, dragging him away from the woman approaching behind him.
The woman reached him in only two steps, and the boy's tears were followed by verbal cries.
How were we going to be disposed of here? These women were obviously stronger than us. Would he have his neck snapped, or would they beat him to death in front of us all so we could see the cost of failure?
The long eared women did neither of those. She simply picked him up, then hugged him.
I felt something hot and cold shoot through my head and chest.
That boy had failed, but he was not punished. He was embraced and rewarded for being weak. Yet, here I was running at these women's orders for a reason I did not understand.
The world in front of me turned red. I could feel my blood boil at the unfairness of our treatment.
My feet stopped moving, and I stood still. More and more runners passed me by, but I didn't join them.
I felt a bitter taste rising in the back of my mouth as something made my hands ball into fists.
"What is the matter, Lorien?" Elalindra asked me, staring down at me with her gray eyes.
I glared back at her. Feelings that I had long since forgotten began to boil up inside me, forcing me to grit my teeth to hold them inside.
"I don't want to run." I finally spat out. Running was tiring. Running was painful. Running reminded me of too many things I didn't want to think of.
Elalindra crouched down, bringing her face closer to mine. Her legs were so long that she still couldn't lower herself to my level, but I could see her expressions more clearly than before.
"Is that so." She said quietly. It was not a question, nor was it a threat. It sounded more like a sigh. An acceptance of fact. We stared at each other for a moment, then I shivered as the anger inside me drained away. The adrenaline induced heat was now gone, leaving only the chilling touch of regret. Now, I was all too aware of what I had just done. I had disobeyed. I had failed. I had lost control of my emotions, and acted stupidly because of them.
My brain and body froze. Ice water now ran through my veins, and I turned away from Elalindra's eyes.
A shadow fell over my face as Elalindra's hand reached for me, and I closed my eyes.
I was going to die now. All of those who closed their eyes in the face of danger died.
Fingers plopped themselves onto my head, and mussed my hair for a while before traveling down the back of my head.
"Good." Elalindra smiled. "You were able to speak your own mind."
For one moment, I didn't understand what she had said. Then, relief coursed through my body, relaxing every muscle I had, and returning my temperature to normal.
"Why do you not want to run?" Elalindra asked, and the words spilled from my mouth as I felt them.
"I get tired, and I don't know why I have to."
Infantile. That was what those words were. Instinctual, like the bleating of a lamb or the barking of a puppy. Yet, they were true.
"I see." Elalindra's hand cupped the back part of my jaw, and her index finger massaged the muscles behind my ear. "You don't have to run."
The words were gentle, but a pang of panic made my heart skip a beat. Was I being thrown away? Had I been deemed unnecessary, or unworthy? Had I disappointed her with my lack of control over myself and my actions?
"Then…" I stammered. "Then why did you tell us to run?"
If I didn't have to run… If there was no threat of punishment or means of weeding out those who did or didn't, why was I being asked to do this?
"Because I want you to."
The answer was as simple as that. There was no logic or reason. There was just a wish and an emotion.
"That is the reason I ask you to." Elalindra continued as she stroked my head. "I want you to run, so I ask you to run, and you have the right to say you do not wish to." She lowered her head, pressing her forehead against mine. "If you want to stop running, we will sit here and talk until lunch time, or whenever you want to start running again."
"... Why?"
Several questions were compacted into that single word.
Why are you doing this for me? Why did you save me? Why didn't you come earlier? Why are you giving me the ability to choose what we do?
But, at the very end, the infantile part of my brain asked the stupidest and simplest question.
Why do you want me to run?
Elalindra smiled, then pulled her head away from mine. "Because it is fun to run with someone. I want you to remember that."
My heart skipped another beat.
Fun.
I had forgotten the feeling, but I remembered it now. My hand reached for hers, and she took it gently as she stood. I turned back to the direction where the other children were running. Many of them no longer were, instead talking to one of the tall women who watched over us. Some talked to them one on one, others were in small groups.
"Shall we?" Elalindra asked. Her waist was slightly bent so she could keep holding my hand.
I nodded, and I began to move forwards. Faster and faster my feet went. My lungs pumped in air like bellows, and something else began to bubble in my chest. It came out as a sort of strange hiccup at first, but then it flooded out just as it used to.
Laughter. The gay sounds I made when playing tag or hide and seek.
There was a musical sound beside me. It was Elalindra's laugh. I turned to stare up at her, and her red hair flowed behind her like the tail of a shooting star, and her face was just as bright as one.
And we laughed, consumed by the runner's high, striving to see who was faster than the other.
—-
An hour later, my lactic acid filled muscles sorely regretted my earlier actions.
"Apologies, Lorien." Elalindra said sheepishly as I lay on the ground panting. "You are used to pushing past your limits. I should have stopped you earlier."
"It's… fine…" I stammer out between breaths. I had tried to race Elalindra, having completely forgotten how she had kept pace with us while skipping earlier. Of course, she won every single time. Elalindra was kind, but she was also surprisingly competitive.
"Can you stand?" Elalindra asked. Her ears seemed to be drooping a bit, possibly with worry or regret.
I shook my head, unable to speak.
"It is almost lunch time." Elalindra sighed. "To make amends, I guess I shall have to carry you to the table."
Before I could understand what she said, her arms scooped me up and held me to her breast. Her skin was cool and soft, like touching fresh blankets. As she walked, she hummed. I felt the vibrations in her throat travel through her body and into me as my ears heard the slightly sad song coming from her musical voice.
Sleepiness took over me, and I closed my eyes in her arms.
Author's Note:
When Aeldari do something, there is usually a double or even triple meaning to their actions. Elalindra and the others simulacra of Isha are both treating the mental scars of the children, and teaching the basics of diplomacy.
At its core, diplomacy is the statement of what each party wants, and finding a solution that is satisfactory for both sides. Naturally, diplomacy between interstellar empires is more complex, especially when dealing with parties that are hostile with each other. The revelation of what one truly wants is a weakness that can be exploited. High level diplomacy is like Poker. The one who can bluff the best can take more than their fair share of the pot.
That is a lesson for another day, however. Elalindra and the others need to ensure the acts the children went through while in the assassin temples such as running or exercising don't trigger vicious bouts of PTSD later on. Their efforts are centered more around re-associating those acts with positive or fun things.
Still, the reason their training/counseling format takes this physical and psychological approach is to instill this micro-scale concept of saying what you want, and finding a way both parties can be satisfied. Elalindra wants Lorien to run, but Lorien does not want to. Elalindra promises that such an act will be fun, and convinces Lorien to run with her. It is extremely basic, but it is still a form of diplomacy.
Additionally, as the Goddess of Life, Isha naturally wants all beings to enjoy life. Running, eating, talking, etc. All those acts should be enjoyed by the living, and it is for that reason as well that she tries to get the children to have fun in even these simple things.
