Chapter 6, God's Curse On This Unremarkable World

(And thus, help moriander is useful)

Nnn… Who's pushing me..? I'm trying to sleep..

"Wake.."

I'm tired, go away.

"Up.."

Naaah.. Hm? It seems I'm resting my head on something soft.

"How long was I out..?"

"Thirty minutes exactly."

Thirty minutes? Phew. Thought I'd never wake up from that.

Sitting upwards from Moriander's silicone thighs, I spread my arms out. Crack. "Yeouch!"

Moriander turns her head to face me but remains stationary. "I recommend you let me take care of it. You have not fully recovered yet."

Plop. And back down to her thighs. Now that I've opened my eyes, I can see a few bandages wrapped around my arms and legs. Was it that bad?

More importantly.."Where did you get these bandages?" It'd be nice if she was a pocket medic.

She points to that briefcase where she appeared. There's a few bandage-shaped indents in it. So it was a medkit too?

"That's neat! We still have to make it back to the mansion to turn in the ruby though." Speaking of the ruby..

"Moriander, analyze that ruby."

She faces the sharp, hexagonal gemstone. "Understood… analysis complete. Romanian Ruby: large, rare and expensive, but surprisingly light. Despite it being Romanian, there aren't any ruby mines in Romania."

If it's expensive then it'll surely be a great reagent.

"Alright then, Moriander, let's go to the Scarlet Devil Mansion!"

"Please wait a moment." Moriander gets up and brings out a wagon from behind a tree.

Not gonna ask where she got it from! Some doors are better left closed.

I hop in the fourwheeler and Moriander carefully places the ruby next to me. Having an assistant is awesome..!

And so, we slowly made our way to the Scarlet Devil Mansion as the sun went down on the horizon.

"I'd say that was a job well done. What do you think, Moriander?"

"Master, you're bleeding. Stay still."

Oh yeah. FUCK!

~~~~ 2hu Frikmania ~~~~

Now entering Arasaka Tower. Wake the fuck up, Samurai. We've got a ruby to turn in.

Meiling seems to be having a nice cup of coffee at the gate as always. "Hm.? Oh, you guys're back already? It's been like an hour, thought you'd be gone for longer."

Moriander slowly pushes the cart to the gate with ease.

"We arrive with the goods ye." I announced.

Meiling takes a slight glance.. Then immediately double takes at the size of the ruby, almost spitting out her coffee. "Wha..?"

Little did they know, I bought the starter pack. Top up bonuses, son.

"...You mind uhh.. Opening the gate?"

"Oh, uh, sure. I'll do that."

While Melling opens the gate, Moriander carefully analyzes her movements. Or something. I wouldn't know.

"Actually, I'll come with you guys..!" She makes her way to the cart.

Tour guide along with the starter pack. Very nice.

~~~~ 2hu Frikmania ~~~~

Wake the fuck up, Samurai. We're in the library.

"Now that I look at it, you don't look so good." Don't give me that pitying stare…! I just didn't feel like walking all the way.

Since we're just following Meiling, there isn't much to talk about is there? Actually I'd rather not accidentally court death by offending Meiling. Moriander isn't any better. She just complies with whatever I say. Even though I only ask her questions.

"Don't even worry about it, Komi!"

"Yeah, you still have us!"

Three fairies stand together a few bookshelves in front of us. One with blue hair, one with orange hair, and the last has black hair. They're all fairy maids, by the way. If only we had illustrations.

Normally I'd just pass by and avoid fighting, but they're blocking the way. Meiling seems to already be at Patchouli's table so she can't help us.

…Wait, how? She was just here.

"Guess I'll have to-" I slowly get up- but stop halfway.

Bang! Bang! Bang! The three fairies now seem to be missing their heads. Shitee, they got gotten.!

Moriander puts away her slightly bigger than average revolver/pistol after it smokes a little. It was loud but at the same time it wasn't. And that revolver didn't have a barrel either! It looked like a greenscreen.

But no one seems to care. Moriander pushes the cart to its final destination. Be careful of logs.

Patchouli turns to face the cart. "Hm? You're back, excellent. Now show me the- Oh. Oh no..."

"What? Is there something on my face?"

Her face of horror slowly turns into one of disappointment. "It just had to be a ruby… This is fine… as long as she doesn't-"

"As long as I don't what?"

Oh. Hi, Remilia. I know your name now.

Can't even describe her entrance as anything but suddenly appearing. "Did you think you could hide something from a vampire in their own manor?" She definitely used that line more than once.

Patchouli abruptly closes her book and gives her a flat stare. "I was the one who sent the boy on an errand. Therefore the ruby is mine."

Bam!

Remilia, not giving two fucks, breaks the cart in half. With her mind. "Waaah!" And I'm sent flying away. But not too far. Moriander dodged it though; she's built different.

Thud. The ruby lands on the table. And the two stare at it. Meiling, worrying about her safety, had already begun to leave.

"How about… an eighty-twenty split?"

"No deal. The ruby is mine. Unlike you, I have plans to use it as a reagent. You'll probably just keep it around as a dust collector. Matter of fact, I'm sure you're just causing this disturbance in spite of what happened last week."

She was right on the mark. Remilia silently acknowledges the facts but doesn't back down.

Sparks fly between the two. Metaphorically, of course.

So I jump in between them, directly on the ruby. "Aghh!" Shid I'm still injured! Pain…!

The two momentarily stop their mental battle. Good. Actually, this might be a great chance to profit…

"Since I found the ruby, I should have the final say on who gets it."

Someone talk. It's getting awkward.

Patchouli lifts her arm up and floats a book over. "If you give me the ruby, I'll teach you how to open your mind realm."

Wazzat? Like a domain expansion?

"It's this–"

Fwoom~!

Suddenly, the library starts to break away. Like whaaaat.

Rather than being inside the library, I'm inside of… everything. I'm pretty sure this is called… the knowledge of the universe.

But I can't understand it. I can't reach it. I want to understand.

I–

Fwoom~!

"Mind realms differ from each and every individual. Mine is based on my pursuit of knowledge. I'm sure you'll pick the right choice now."

Remilia snaps her fingers, and a fairy appears in front of her, confused. "If I get the ruby, then I'll teach you how to do this..!"

Shank. Slurpupppup. She stabs her fingers into the fairies neck and her fingers start glowing. Dang. That fairy has seen better days. She looks like that Mexican alien…

Plop. Her body falls to the ground and starts dissipating into light.

After seeing these displays, I should consider it carefully…

1. Patchouli's offer: Domain Expansion book

's offer: Drain Touch

Hmm… They both have some interesting offers, but I think I'll take…

~~~~ 2hu Frikmania ~~~~

"Do what you will with that~."

Remilia leaves the library with a smile on her face. Sakuya pushes a golden cart with the ruby placed neatly on top.

Update. I got a new skill! and it's pretty sweet. She gave me a few stacks of yen as well.

Moriander tugs on my loose shirt lightly. "Master, we have some company."

"Hmm..?" I look back at the direction where Remilia left and I see those three fairies. The black one, the orange one, and the blue one.

The black one finishes applying her lipstick. Then hides it up her ass. Maybe fairies have inventories as well.

Her face contorts oddly. She's trying real hard to look intimidating. "Oi. I'm gonna make you regret doing that to us earlier."

The orange one steps in front of her friend. "Pfft. You sound nothing like Ganpeki. Let's just skip the talking and start fucking!"

"...Don't you mean fighting?" I'm concerned.

A few orange orbs form around her. "Did I stutter?"

They float menacingly while she smugly crosses her arms. "Heh."

Were those orbs supposed to do something? Or do I have to jump into them?

I give Moriander the signal. Hopefully she understood my random wave gestures.

She closes her eyes and nods. Bang! Pi-chu~! The orange one's body collapses to the floor. Done for!

"Hey, that's not fair! You aren't supposed to be this strong yet!" Shut up and die, black haired fairy.

Suddenly, two clones emerge from her body. Like, they're climbing out. It's pretty grotesque.

And the two clones suddenly rush toward us.

Hm.. what to do..

Moriander pockets her pistol slightly. Are there even pockets inside of sailor uniforms?

Whoosh.. A tumbleweed rides the sudden gust of wind passing by us.

"It's high noon."

The clones stop in place with a worried look along with their progenitor. The blue one breaks character. "Where did that tumbleweed come from!? Komi, that tumbleweed came out of nowhere! Komi-!"

Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Pi-chu-chu-chu-chu~! Moriander fuckin ults on them.

Didn't know Moriander was like that. Sheesh. Didn't even get to test my new skill–-

~~~~ 2hu Frikmaniac ~~~~

One moment, we're inside a library about to witness the POTG, and another moment we're in the middle of a forest.

"Moriander, analysis."

"It seems we've been transported."

She says in a sarcastic tone while pocketing her revolver. As sarcastic as a robot can get anyway.

"Welp, we can't just stay here. Let us proceed onward with our journey, friend!"

I exclaim while jauntily walking down the narrow dirt path.

Before long, we reached the end of the path without dialogue.

"Halt. Who goes there?"

A guardsman in the most unrefined iron armor sternly refuses our entry into whatever the hell this place is.

"Hey look, a bird!"

I pointed into a random direction and sent a mean left hook to the guard.

"Hmm? Where? Guh-!"

His body falls to the ground with a noticeable dent in his helmet.

Whoops. Anyway, the gate's open.

I walked into the village acting like nothing happened. 'Cause nothing did. Moriander followed shortly after without uttering a word.

From the exterior of the village, all I could see were big walls so I had no way of telling what was inside.

"This place looks like shat!"

And that might've been an understatement.

As far as the eye could see, it was all a bunch of cubes like houses.

You could probably count the number of real houses on both hands. One might think this place is hopeless…

"But not me! If anything, this place only has even greater potential to transform into something massive."

It's only been at the back of my mind for a while now, but I've been thinking of doing something like those smart main characters than get isekai'd into another world and get rich with money making tactics.

…Well, before any of that, I should get a meal.

I haven't eaten diddly squat since I came here. Or maybe I did. Eh, I already forgot.

I can think about getting rich with Moriander while we are having a meal….

With that in mind, I took Moriander and me and wandered around town for a bit to find a good restaurant.

"Ah. Dear customer! Would you like to try our spicy taco Tuesday special? It's definitely gonna boost your vitality! Unlike those disgusting 'hamburgers' from the bad part of town…"

A lady starts berating me out of nowhere while muttering something to herself at the end.

Am I feeling tacos today?

"Hey! We heard that! I get that you can't shut your mouth for even a second, but don't think I'll let you badmouth my dad's business without being punished! Matter of fact, I heard the guard recently issued a health check after someone nearly died after eating your tacos."

Another voice from the other side of the street yells out loud.

Hmm… hamburgers seem pretty appetizing right now as well…

"Hah?! That person simply choked on a small carrot. It was their fault that they started foaming at the mouth! Plus, I can guarantee our tacos are better. I've never seen any of the village heads come to your shop. I wonder why..? Hmm? Hm.? Eh? Ehhh?"

The taco girl rubs salt in the wound by mentioning a village head.

"Y-You…! That village head probably entered your restaurant as a punishment! At least no one's ever left a bad review on our burgers before so we have you beat there."

The hamburger girl looks like she's on the verge of crying.

"Yeah, sure. No one's left a bad review on your side. That just means there's yet to be any good reviews!"

I'm not sure that's how it works. I feel like they've given up on advertising their products and have just started to insult each other.

Screw it.

Guess I'll keep looking for somewhere to eat.

"Hahhh? You wanna go?! You wanna go so bad?! Fine then!"

Their voices fade as we walk around the corner towards another restaurant.

"This restaurant feels a bit familiar for some reason…"

Probably just some misplaced nostalgia.

We enter the place and look for open seats which we have no trouble doing as the entire place is empty.

"G-Greetings, dear customer. How may I take your order?"

"...What is this? Some sort of punishment game? Ah, don't worry, I respect those hobbies."

I replied to the guy in a maid outfit that welcomed us with a forced smile.

"Debts."

He answered.

"Ah. I completely understand."

I don't understand at all.

It's a bit awkward now. Maybe we should look for another restaurant…

"Master, I believe he is one of those jittleyangs. Worry not, I will dispose of him."

You've been silent up until now. So why is it now you chose to speak? Also, what the hell is a jittleyang?

"D-Dispose?"

"Ah- Don't mind her. She's a bit out of touch with social interactions."

His face just screams, 'Even if she's out of touch, isn't disposing of someone a bit much!?'

"Understood. Touching his private parts."

"When did I give an order like that?!"

~~~~ 2hu Frikmaniac ~~~~

"Your food will be ready soon." Said the crossdresser as he walked back into the kitchen.

Now then, we should get started on our plan. If I remember right, a certain slime that could talk gathered a work force before any of the real time strategy expansions.

"We should look for people willing to work. Only after we acquire a workforce can we truly begin with our plan."

Moriander sat down next to me. "Understood. I will search for homeless people and bums. Excellent idea, Master."

"I-I guess that works. Just remember this, what matters the most in our recruits is not their appearance nor their skills. What's truly important is this." I said, as I thumped a fist against my chest.

"Pectorals?"

"The heart."

I immediately retorted Moriander who took it a bit too seriously.

"If you do not mind me asking, what do you plan to do after obtaining a workforce?"

Should I just straight up tell her that I'm trying to be like the main character from Presence in Darkness?

"Well–"

"Sir, it seems your food will be a bit late. We've run into a few technical difficulties." A new person emerges from the kitchen, gives us a message, and returns just as fast.

"As I was saying–"

"RAGHHHHH!" A minotaur crashes through a nearby wall and runs into the kitchen.

"I–"

"Pin it down! Our customer ordered a steak! We can NOT let them down!"

What the fuck is going on back there?!

"Wha–"

"VALHALLA!" The sound of someone body slamming the minotaur was evident.

I think I'll just stay silent for now.

—As I kept silent, nothing new happened.

~~~~ 2hu Frikmaniac ~~~~

"Your food is ready, dear customer."

A waitress, dressed similarly to the crossdresser from earlier, showcases the steak with a smug grin.

Ah, I get it.

Like hell I do!

"Hey. That was a minotaur earlier, wasn't it. Tell me. What was that."

She awkwardly averted her gaze at my statement.

"...Business secret."

"Business secret my ass, that was a goddamn minotaur! Hey, don't act like nothing happened!"

"N-Nothing happened."

She slowly backed up and eventually reached the kitchen once more.

Seriously… What is wrong with this place?

"I draw the line at eating things that can talk so maybe we should go elsewhere–"

"Master, it seems this steak is actually minotaur meat. Worry not, I have checked for impurities and there appear to be none."

The impurities aren't the problem here.

"If you do not wish to consume it, may I make use of it?"

"Hm? Sure, but I thought robot's didn't need to eat."

She proved me completely wrong as her stomach opened up and stored the food. Don't ask what happened to the serafuku.

"Sweet mother of mine, you've got a storage chamber?"

"Yes. Though there are several other attachments such as: a toaster, an oven, a cooler, a refrigerator, a dishwasher, an air conditioner, a stove, a Death Star a trash compactor, a juicer, an electric mixer, a meat grinder, a kettle, a waffle iron, and last but not least, a rice cooker."

Hold on, one of those is not like the rest.

"Well aren't you quite the versatile robot? We still need to get started on that plan though.."

Right after I do a little taste test.

Chomp. "It's tough!"

~~~~ 2hu Frikmaniac ~~~~

"Hmm… It seems it's about to snow." I state while shielding my eye from the setting sun.

"Master, it's currently late spring."

I've still got a long way to go from being a mysterious main character.

But we're still going along with that plan. On the way to the darkest and most mysterious alleyway one can see, I created a trail of sand since I might as well do something while walking and eventually we reached a door.

"Master, I sense multiple presences behind this door."

Yeah, the glow door. It glows white. I sure hope it isn't rigged with a dying star. On the door, it has a terribly written 'Keep out' sign.

"You remember the plan, right?"

She nods before kicking the door down.

And~ not a footprint to be seen. Yet.

We head down the creaky and jank stairs. As always, Moriander has her pistol… thing ready. I'm still reluctant to call it a pistol.

A bit further into the dark and damp halls, we see a boxing ring lit up by a stage light.

And someone's in the ring, seemingly waiting for someone.

"Ah, finally a new challenge–"

BANG!

Hello, professional boxer. Meet lead.

The other people hiding in the shadows gasp in awe. Taking advantage of the confusion, I shout out my message.

"Listen up, people! Your boss is dead which means I'm the new boss around here! Got that?"

"Sure."

"Wait a minute… I think I left the stove on."

"Does this mean skinny dipping Fridays won't be happening anymore?"

And they could care less. At least we've got laborers now.

"Everyone, make sure to get a good night's rest, because starting tomorrow we are going to work you to the bone!"

And scene break.

~~~~ 2hu Frikmaniac ~~~~

Surprisingly, they had pretty good beds. Someone had to sleep on the floor though, me and Moriander shared one. I thought sleeping with a (robot) girl would at least make me feel something, but alas 2B is just a bunch of 1's and 0's.

We're on our way outside of the village now with at least twenty dudes. And lemme tell ya, they are buff. Not like Baki tier buff, but like above average kinda buff. Exactly why we're going out to do some farming today.

"Mmm." I shield my eyes from the sun as I lead the army to what feels like a good spot.

"Boss, how ar' we gonna farm if we don't got the equipments for it""

I'm glad you asked, random worker number 3. "Y'know the girl from last night? She'll be coming back to us with the supplies. For now we need to loosen the soil nearby."

The farming spot is actually near this big ass lake. And if you're wondering how we'll loosen the soil… you gotta do this!

"Hah!" Whiff.

With a single strike, the soil became slightly softer.

"Now everyone else needs to do it! Wait, don't punch it like that! Make rows and columns! You there, stop making a mud angel!"

I should've minmaxed their loyalty first…!

"Master, I have returned with the seeds."

Ah, Moriander! Wait, maybe she can do something about this.

"Moriander, leave the seeds on the ground and make them obedient."

Would a command as vague as that even–

BANG! BANG! BANG!

She shot three times in quick succession directly underneath the private parts of all the laborers. How. There are twenty of them. The dude who was making a mud angel had four bullet holes.

Slowly but surely they picked up a hoe and started tilling the soil in a polite manner.

Moriander is insanely useful! But…

"I'm sure I forgot to tell you where we were going, so how did you find your way here?"

She points towards my right hand that was still making sand.

"Oh."

The sand I was creating constantly must've left a trail behind. Wait, doesn't that mean my proficiency with sand magic is insanely high now? I've been using it for a while now.

"Hey, Moriander. You mind analyzing my stats real quick?"

"As you wish, Master… Intermediate Sand Magic [0/250]"

Sweet! I wonder what kind of things I can do now that I've reached intermediate.

I walk up to the sandy shore of the lake and begin focusing mana inside of my hands…

"Mmmf!"

The sand barely moved, but it moved. Maybe I should try applying mana onto the sand..

"Mmmff!"

With a bit of effort, the sand successfully moves as I intended it to.

Dang. I'm doing magic. Jet lag. Frik.

The tilling seems to be done, but the laborers have barely broken a sweat. Except for the dude who made a mud angel. He's out cold.

"Guess it's my turn!" Using my newly acquired magic powers, I shape the sand into a funnel that leads to the tilled land.

Sand on its own falls apart when water comes in contact with it. So instead I pushed the sand into itself, condensing it.

Why am I suddenly getting a weird sense of deja vu?

No time for that. "Moriander, what seeds do we have? Bring them out."

The workers waste no time and immediately start planting the seeds.

"Komatsuna, potatoes, radishes, bell peppers, mackerel, and spinach. The person selling them guaranteed their value so It's definitely valuable."

"...Say, was there something weird mixed in there just now?"

"Oh, you must be wondering how he guaranteed it. Many other people came by and bought his packets with a happy expression on their faces, so I figured the products must be genuine."

No, that's not it, there's something in there that isn't a vegetable.

~~~~ 2hu Frikmaniac ~~~~

"Finally, the sowing is done. I think they did pretty well. All we need to do now is regularly water them and give them a little massage here and there, and they will be ripe for harvesting by winter."

"Hey, Moriander, did you just say massage just now? We are growing vegetables here, right?"

After a long day of work, the (forcefully) retired boxers drag themselves back home as we follow behind them.

I lightly close the door behind us. "Hah… Home sweet home."

As our new routine goes, everyone waits for the food on the very long twenty seat table. I get to sit on the edge because I'm the boss now.

"The food is ready."

Moriander gracefully throws a plate of food in front of everyone. She's in charge of the cooking and mostly everything.

Dinner is… a strangely familiar looking steak. Kinda like…

"Moriander… Where did you go on the break I gave you earlier?"

She averted her eyes from my gaze.

"You went and learned the recipe from that weird restaurant didn't you!"

"It was a necessary evil."

Don't go doing evil things for no reason!

"The boss is angry! Everyone eat your foods fast!"

After dinner, I stared up at the empty ceiling with a barely working fan.

"Hmm… Life in another world…"

It's a bit hectic, but It's not too bad. Even got magic now and slowly but surely, we'll have a thriving garden full of… mostly vegetables.

"Hah…"

I'm tired. We've got a lot of things to be doing tomorrow. And if there's one thing that's certain in this unreasonable world, it's that every day is gonna be fun.

~~~~ 2hu Frikmaniac ~~~~

"Excuse me, Sir? Are you the one behind this illegal vegetable farm?"

Ah. Police.

Why are there police!? Calm down..! Maybe it's illegal to farm without some sort of government license. But we can't just stop it now, it's only our second day of farming!

"Is there a problem with starting a farm out here in these empty woods?"

"Some youkai might get attracted by the farm and attack the village after destroying your farm."

"Well, isn't it your job to protect the streets?"

"We'd rather not waste our time on something that stressful.

There's only one thing left to do.

"Moriander, do your thing. Non-lethal."

"Understood."

The two police officers are forcefully dragged behind a nearby magical tree.

"AGHHH! NO! DON'T!"

"WAIT, PLEASE! WE'LL LET THIS ONE SLIDE. ANYTHING BUT WHAT HE WENT THROUGH!"

Music to my ears. Even in another world cops are gonna interfere with me. Thankfully, I have a super useful AI girlfriend. Guess that's one way I'm similar to Rimuru.

The two police officers return from behind the tree, armor ripped to shreds.

"W-We won't tell the higher ups about any of this… just PLEASE LET US GET AWAY FROM HER!"

"Uhm.. sure. You're free to go."

Never thought I'd say that to a cop of all people.

"What'd you even do to make them that scared?"

"Toothpaste and orange juice."

I'm more surprised that she has toothpaste.

~~~~ 2hu Frikmaniac ~~~~

END OF CHAPTER 6

MC: Mark, the generic introvert,

PRIMARY WEAPON :

The Feedbacker: a blue robot arm that has a tendency to make people trip on it, deals 1 damage with punches, deals 5 damage with parries. Parries full heal.

INVENTORY :

4 plastic cups: useful for the good of nothing.

SKILLS:

Intermediate Sand Magic: Allows the manipulation of sand. You can shape it and move it around basically. [0/250] Mastery

Drain Touch: Drains MP and HP from a target and can distribute it to others. Must be in physical contact. [0/5000 mastery]

PASSIVE SKILLS:

Feedbacker Vanity: Can turn on and off vanity equips for the Feedbacker.

(kinda) Unshakable Spirit: Survives any instant kill damage sources once per battle. Cooldown of 1 week.

[REDACTED]: Can [REDACTED] Cooldown, 0 seconds.

~~~~ 2hu Frikmaniac : Extra ~~~~

"Hey, Moriander. What else can you do?"

"I'm glad you asked, Master. Here is a list of skills I have mastered. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, sweeping, first aid, second aid, third aid, marksmanship, scouting, analyzing, executing, torturing, teaching, Ancient Immortal Dragon Arts, reciting all 64 states, chair production, bed making, praying, chiropractic treatment, driving any type of vehicle, crashing any type of vehicle, EMP, cartography, printing press, painting, civil engineering, robotic engineering, storage chamber, and last but not least, Miami."

"I'm pretty sure more than one of the things you said just now wasn't a skill."

~~~~ AUTHOR'S NOTE ~~~~

Only merch I got from Freakin Gensokyo is my Brad cosplay. Rate from 1 to 11 on how accurate it is.