Slipping out the backdoor, I breathe in the fresh, early afternoon air — Freedom. I will not make the mistake of staying indoors. People will find me. Peering around the corner of the house, my gaze sweeps the area — I feel a little ridiculous acting like this. But then I spot Rick. He's trudging out of the barn, eyes bloodshot and heavy lidded. I catch his attention and motion him towards me, watching his unbalanced swaying carefully.
"You should sleep, Chief."
He sighs, taking off his hat to run a hand through his hair and then down his bearded face. "There's too much to do, too much that needs my attention."
I wrap my arms around him and rest my cheek on his chest. "You do too much."
His head settles on mine. "No one else will."
"We'll be fine for an hour or so. Hell, you could even take a granny nap and the world will still be here."
He chuckles and slides his head down to the crook of my neck, nuzzling. "We could take a moment or two."
I pull away with a grin. "Is that all the time you'd need?"
He blinks, lips twitching, then chuckles and drops his hat. His hands slip down my sides, ghosting over my ribs. I squirm trying to get away. He doesn't let up though. He wraps an arm around my waist, holding me to his chest. His other hand continues the attack. I shift so my head is turned just enough to capture his lips with mine.
Both of his hands plant themselves on my hips. He moves so that my back is against the house. He deepens the kiss. I wind my arms around his neck, rising on my toes to put more pressure into it. His tongue sweeps across my bottom lip. One of his hands journeys under my top. My mouth opens hesitantly.
To our left, there's soft gasp. We pull away, breathing heavily. It's Lori. I can't remember a more embarrassing moment than this. She clears her throat and glares at me before looking away, walking off muttering something about finding Shane.
"Um…that was…"
"Awkward?" Rick supplies.
I nod. "So totally." Lifting up on my toes I place a gentle kiss to his lips.
He presses his forehead to mine. "I need to speak to Carl and Sophia." He sighs. "I can't keep avoiding them."
I intertwine my hand with his. "Come on Chief." Letting him pick his hat up before leading him away.
Carl and Sophia are hiding out in the stables. They're huddled together, chins dipping to their chest and shoulders slumped. The two are pale. Sophia's eyes are wet and glassy, whereas Carl's brows are furrowed in a grimace.
"Kids." Rick frowns at them. "We need to talk."
Carl's shoulders straighten and he holds his head up, a scowl adorning his features. "About what?"
"You know what Carl." I reply, raising an eyebrow at him. "And get that look off your face."
He glares half heartedly, but looks away. "Whatever."
Rick shakes his head. "Your attitude isn't helping Carl."
"Yeah, well I heard what Shane said. You're here to blame us!"
I press my lips together and take a deep breath — what I wouldn't give to knock Shane about. "You honestly think your father and I would blame you, if you weren't guilty?"
There's a pause, Carl looks down and shrugs. "No, I guess not."
"If we're not guilty?" Sophia repeats quietly.
Carl frowns, taking in her words before glaring at us. "So you do think we have something to do with it."
"What were you doing that morning." Rick asks.
"Nothing."
"Carl." There's a warning to Rick's tone
"We were playing around."
"Carl you know damn well that you can't run off…"
"We just wanted to have some fun, you remember what that is don't you!"
"Carl Grimes! Don't you dare take that tone with me!"
"Mum blames me, Shane does, now you two!"
"I will hide your backside…"
Sophia quivers. Her chin touches her chest, she pulls her knees up and hugs them tightly. To top it off she buries her head between them. Carl and Rick are glaring at each other. Rick's face is red and his breathing is coming out heavily. Carl is standing tall, hands clenched and looking ready to swing.
"Enough." My voice is low. "Rick, don't go threatening something you'd never do." I send the man a warning of my own. "And Carl," I sigh and walk closer, placing a hand on his head, caressing his cheek. "All we want to know is what put the fear and guilt into your's and Soph's eyes when you came running out of those woods."
The two kids look away from us and hang their heads. "We found a walker stuck in the mud, not too far away." Sophia confesses. "We were poking at it, taunting it."
Carl takes over. "It started moving. But it couldn't get far, and we both ran back."
Soph sniffles, "We thought that was the end of it."
"Until we saw it lying by Dale." Carl looks between Rick and I. "It is our fault, isn't it?"
"No…"
I pinch Rick's hand to get him to stop. "Honestly?" At their nod I continue. "Maybe not directly, but had you come to anyone about that walker, perhaps Dale would still be here."
Tears run down their cheeks, their shoulders begin to shake and sobs breakout. My own eyes well, and when I glance to Rick… it's not good. His mouth is down turned and there's a black look in his eyes. We're going to be having words later.
Rick pulls Carl into his arms. I gather Sophia to me. Rick takes charge of the comforting though. "Now you know why it's imperative that the two of you stay close to camp."
"If you do go off though," I interrupt — these kids will never just stick to the group. "Then please, I'm begging you, at least tell us if you see anything."
Rick sighs, but holds Carl closer. "This is a lesson I didn't think you needed to learn."
"It won't happen ever again." Sophia sobs.
I can see Carl nodding. "We'll not keep it to ourselves."
We spend some more time with them, talking to them. They head off for the RV, looking a little lighter and far more mature than their age. I feel Rick's eyes on me — boy, he's really not happy
"They're kids Lauren, telling them that they're at fault wasn't right."
I turn to face his ire. "You don't think I know? But it was the truth." I take my hair out of it's confines and run a hand through it. "They can't be coddled anymore. Look what's happened."
"It was a mistake, an accident."
"And it cost Dale his life. I've spent the last few hours counselling people." I huff. "The only way they're going to learn, is if we tell it like it is. We don't have to tell them everything, but we're going to have to start involving them at some point, or they won't understand and do something else that could be disastrous."
Rick continues to glare, and just as I think I've lost him to this, he sighs and practically falls on to a barrel of hay. "I just don't want this life for them."
I throw my hair back up, then sit on his lap. He wraps his arms around my waist, lying his head on my shoulder. "I know Rick." I kiss his head and rub his back. "I doubt anyone does. But this is it. And the only way we're going to properly educate them for this, is if we keep them informed of what's happening."
"They're not going to know about Chester."
"No, they shouldn't have to, at least not yet."
He lifts his head, staring almost brokenly. "Yet."
"He's not much of a child any more Rick, even you have to see that."
He nods. "Yeah."
"You've done a fabulous job getting him this far. It was fear of getting in trouble that caused him and Sophia to keep silent. We've done a pretty good job of letting them know that to worry about that is the least of their problems." I press my lips to his, still giddy when he instantly responds. "They will creep away from us again, that's not something you or anyone can stop, but now at least if they see anything they'll report it back."
"You think?" The broken look in his eyes are gone.
"I'm sure this has scarred them good." I smile sadly, lying my head on his shoulder and caressing the back of his neck. "You're an amazing man, Rick."
"Yeah? You think."
I grin at him, reaching for his hat to shove back on his head. "Oh yea." Then capture his lips with mine.
He smirks and deepens the kiss. One hand travelling from my waist to my back, then under my top and slowly making it's way up. The other is gently massaging my hip. I manoeuvre so I'm straddling his thighs, one hand gripping the front of his shirt, the other running through his hair, knocking his hat back off. I kiss his cheek, then his jaw, making my way to his neck. Both of his hands are suddenly clutching my hips and dragging me closer.
Oh my! He's certainly enjoying it.
I pull back, panting and giggling nervously. "Maybe we should, uh, slow it down." I know I'm blushing. Having never gotten this far with anyone before, it's going to take a bit of time to push forward.
Rick chuckles and nuzzles his head in the crook of my neck, beard scraping against my skin as he plants soft tender kisses along the column of my neck. "I thought you wanted me to relax."
I gasp and jerk a little.
"Liked that?"
I can guarantee there's that damn spark in his eyes.
"You're supposed to be catching up on sleep." I huff, trying so hard to sound scolding.
He nuzzles that spot with his beard again. I jerk and gasp. A shiver runs down my spine. A pleasing, aching shiver that has me pulling him closer. He places open mouthed kisses to that spot.
"Rick!"
He pulls back, a wide smug grin on his face. His eyes are bluer than I remember them ever being. For the now the heavy burden is lifted. "Fine."
I shake my head, "Unbelievable."
He smirks. "It's your fault." His tongue darts out and sweeps across my lower lip.
I back away huffing, pushing him so that I can get up. "Is not."
"Is so."
I try to hide my amused smile. "I'm not playing this game with you. Go for a nap Mister!" Walking off there's a little swing to my hips.
"Cheater." I hear growled from behind me.
I look over my shoulder and grin at him, he looks uncomfortable sitting on the hay, hat over his lap. Laughing, I pick up my pace, the days stress shedding from me. Unfortunately neither of us gets very far when T-Dog races towards us.
"Rick, Lauren, you gotta come quick."
There's a gathering by the front door, everyone but Shane, the more fragile girls are clinging to the stronger ones. My eyebrows shoot up and my eyes widen. Amy's clutching her sister.
T-Dog pushes pass to get to the front. "Chester's gone."
I feel the blood drain from my face and phantom hands grabbing my throat. Rick bends to kiss my temple and places his hand at my waist. His presence makes it easier to fight back the fear. D comes to stand beside me, slipping her hand in mine. Squeezing it comfortingly.
"Look, it's Shane." Andrea calls out, pointing to the edge of the woods.
The man limps towards us, supporting a black eye, bleeding lip and a fairly large bruise on his cheek.
Rick steps away, though he does press one last kiss to my cheek. "Shane, what's going on."
His eyes shift ever so slightly before boring into Rick. "Chester was hightailing it out of the camp. I caught up to him and we duked it out."
"Where's he now?" Herschel asks.
"He got me good, then ran away."
That man's lying. I'm just about ready to call him out on it when simultaneously there's a sharp tug on my hair and a painful squeeze from my hand. D's glaring at me, shaking her head a little and behind me is Merle, eyeing me with a frown.
"We can't let him roam around here." Rick sighs. "I'll need some volunteers to help me find him."
"You can't track worth shit, Grimes." Daryl grumbles as he walks over to him, his hand trailing down D's arm as he passes.
There's a snort from Merle as he gently pushes me out of the way. "And who taught ya, Darlina?"
There's a huff from beside me. D's looking anxiously from me to Daryl. "Go on, I know you want to." I mumble quietly.
They're all ready to leave before I know it, each carrying a weapon. In case they come across Chester or walkers. I'm kind of surprised that Andrea's not kicking up a fuss about not being able to go with them, although according to her, she rather not find Chester in the dark.
I get everyone inside and Herschel shows us where we're sleeping. Rick, Carl and I have the spare bedroom I've spent most of my time in. Lori, Carol and Sophia have a smaller room. Lori's not quiet about it, muttering how Carl should be with her. Carol doesn't take it. Tells Lori exactly how she's behaving and that she should, in no uncertain terms, stop acting like a brat.
Wanting to spare the kids from the argument, I lead them to the attic. There's a latch and ladder to the roof. Herschel told Rick and I about it when we were discussing look out spots. I grab a blanket for them and some of Maggie's old sweaters.
"Are you sure you'll be fine here?" I start seconded guessing myself.
Sophia nods. "We want to help."
"Okay, well, you'll have a great 360 degree angle and be able to see everything. Just call out if you see anything, Herschel guarantees we'll be able to here you know matter where we are in the house." I watch as they huddle close, eyes glancing around the property. It's not that cold yet, but there is a bit of a chill sweeping in, if a bit slowly. "If you want to come in, that's fine."
Carl smiles. "I like it out here."
I smile at the two and bend to place a kiss on their foreheads. "Alright. Be safe."
At their nod, I head back in just as Patricia's coming to find me. I help with the odd chore, but once again find myself listening as people talk. I don't have to say much, it just seems that they're in need of someone to jut listen to them. I can understand that, and as it takes no additional effort on my part. So, I'm happy to.
Carl appears, and when asked where Sophia was, he just kind of shrugs, "She wanted sometime on her own."
Lori seems to appear and whisks her son away, sending me a glare. Like I've been purposely keeping him from her. I don't think it's a good idea for him to hear how much she resents me — not like he doesn't have an idea already, she's not very subtle. But Carl's doing well. His mother's actions aren't bothering him. On the downside, he's in a way, stopped acting like her son. It's sad, but all on Lori.
Hours seem to go by. Us younger adults are playing cards at the table. Poker, gin, even a couple of hands of go fish. It ends however when we hear Sophia cry out. Everyone races to the windows, except Carol who's gone to get Sophia. There's a horde ambling out of the woods.
"Cut the lights." Herschel orders.
Everyone complies.
"The trucks." T-Dog mutters lowly. "We can use them to lure the walkers away."
"I'll be damned if I let this place go." Herschel grumbles, stalking off and grabbing his shot gun.
We watch as he goes out side. Beth lunges to follow, Jimmy and I grab the back of her shirt. With the girl safely in Jimmy's hands, I grab a kitchen knife. At least it's some sort of weapon. T-Dog, Andrea, Jimmy, Maggie and Glenn go for the vehicles. Amy attaches herself to Beth, whom clings to Patricia and she grabs the back of my shirt. Carol has Sophia. Lori's racing towards us, a panicked look in her eyes.
"Where the hell is Carl?"
She turns to glare at me, "He's not here," The accusation in her eyes is like a slap to the face.
I know she doesn't like me, but to blame me when she was supposed to keep an eye on him is insulting. It's like she no longer knows how to be civil. "Why glare at me?"
"He's always running off."
"And that's my fault how?"
She points a finger at me. "He never used to until you showed up."
"That's not true." Sophia sends a withering look to Lori. "Carl's always doing stuff before he thinks, stop blaming Lozzie."
"You practically dragged him away when he came down from the roof." Beth interrupts, surprising us all with her defence. "Why don't you, his mother, know where he is?"
"Enough." I reach around Patricia and squeeze Beth's arm, trying to thank her. "We have worse problems here. It's more than likely that Carl's gone to find Rick. As it is, we have to think of getting out of here."
It becomes apparent that the plan to coral the zombies won't work. The truck T-Dog is driving circles back to the farmhouse.
"Okay people, get your asses into that truck. We need to leave."
Herschel's at his post, in front of the farmhouse, taking down as many walkers as possible. Lori grabs Patricia, and the other two that cling her are dragged along. Carol grips Sophia tighter as she follows and I take up the rear to make sure no one gets left behind.
Walkers are everywhere.
My heart pound and adrenaline skyrockets. I try to keep the walkers back. Nausea takes hold, a light headed feeling and black spots pull my focus. For a moment my legs wobble and it's all I can do to stay standing. I jam the knife into the head of the closest one and find myself separating from reality.
It feels an awful lot like a show. I'm watching someone, who could be my mirror image, stab and kick walkers away. Unfortunately she's not quick enough to get to Patricia. The older woman is ripped from Beth's hands and torn apart. Right there. As the red head reaches Beth, pulling her away, rotted arms swipe at where she had been.
I'm sucked back in.
Sophia's screaming and clinging to her mother. I grab the kid and shove her into Beth's arms forcing the two on to the truck. Another scream rips through the air and I turn in time to see Amy pulled down by a walker. There's no way I can get to her this time. But then Andrea's there, crying for her sister. Throwing herself into the walker. I rush to her side and drag Amy from the ground, stabbing a couple of them as I'm at it. I push her into Carol who shoves her to the truck.
Turning back to Andrea, stabbing a couple more walkers, throwing them out of the way… it's too late. She's dead. Stomach ripped open, entrails over the ground. I fight the urge to vomit and turn back around. I feel faint. My ears are ringing. I can barely hear the moans, the screams, gun shots. T-Dog drives off, everyone but Carol and I on the back of the vehicle. It's now automatic to turn and stab. Turn and stab. Turn. Stab. Stab. Turn. Stab. Stab.
I vaguely notice Daryl appear, grabbing Carol and dragging her out of danger. I hear a faint cackle that sounds an awful lot like Merle. Then the three seem to disappear. A jeep appears in front of me. I blink and stare at it. Maggie opens the door and yanks me inside. Glenn drives off.
We've lost the farm.
We've lost Andrea….
Where's D?
I jump to my feet and hold onto the frame of the jeep as my head sticks out of the opening. "D!"
