Chapter 49

Between his arms

Sanji walked slowly through the pouring rain. He didn't feel it. As he saw the blurred outlines of the Sunny from the downpour, he also didn't know how much time had passed since he left. He simply noticed that it was night now. He only took a few more steps on the sodden pier when a figure abruptly blocked his path.

"Goddammit, where the hell have you been?!"

Sanji looked up to meet the furious face of the swordsman a few centimeters from his own. His one good eye shone with fury and he watched raindrops trickle down his skin. Soon, the fencer's haramaki was as soaked as his own clothes and Zoro roughly grabbed his arm.

"Why the hell did you disappear like that?! Why didn't you call?! Do you have any idea how worried sick Chopper got when dinner time came and you still weren't back?!"

When the cook didn't react, the swordsman shook him harder.

"Do you realize what he imagined?! They have been looking for you everywhere for hours! Dammit, what the hell has gotten into you?!"

"I discovered an abandoned center," the blond finally replied and Zoro stopped to stare at him through the curtain of rain. "What?!"

"This was probably their main base. They left many notes about the results of their experiments. They have made decisive progress."

"Decisive progress?"

"Yes."

The swordsman took it upon himself to make his anger ebb. He carefully observed his crewmate, suddenly aware of his immobility and lack of reaction. Sanji was soaking wet and his lock of hair usually plastered in front of his right eye barely hid it now but he didn't seem to care.

"Did something happen?"

"No," the cook replied.

"What have you been doing all this time?"

"I found this logbook in one of the rooms in the laboratory."

"What was it about?"

"Many things. Descriptions of living conditions in weightlessness and hostile environments. Observations on how subjects respond in this kind of environment. Experiments with materials and outfits."

Zoro frowned. "Experiments on human beings?"

"Of course. Pioneers are always needed for experiments in real conditions. They're necessary to draw solid conclusions and extend them to broader applications."

"Volunteer pioneers?" The swordsman was beginning to have an idea of the problem and as if to confirm his suspicions, he saw the cook hesitate. "It-It doesn't matter. Science needs sacrifices to get ahead…"

At these words, the swordsman grabbed the blond's shoulders to look into his eyes across the torrent of rain that separated them.

"What did you see? What did they do to them?"

"N-Nothing. Just…" The blond's breathing suddenly hitched and Zoro watched as the internal struggle spread throughout his body until it made him tremble from head to toe. Sanji was in shock. "They cut them alive."

Zoro blinked. "What?"

"They cut them alive. To see how the human body reacts when immersed in an unfamiliar environment or faced with unusual materials. To reproduce the effects of the interstellar void or the components of the fabrics of the suits for their journey. Everything had to be taken into account."

"Cook…"

"Did you know that a temperature of 140°F can destroy the skin in one second because it dissolves the proteins in the epidermis? If you keep the temperature between 104°F and 111°F, on the other hand, the burn takes several hours to eat away the skin. And did you know that humans can only survive three minutes without oxygen? Beyond that, brain damage is inevitable. It's crazy how three little minutes make all the difference…"

"Cook!"

Sanji became silent. His hands were now shaking violently and a long moment passed during which only the sound of the downpour was heard against the cobblestones of the port. When the cook finally looked up, Zoro knew that the blond's mind was wavering.

"I am such a monster…"

The swordsman tightened his grip on his shoulders. "What are you talking about? You weren't the one who conducted these experiments!"

"Somehow, I was," he whispered. "Stealth Black would have been no exception to the rule. He'd have tied these people to the table knowing full well what was gonna happen to them. He wouldn't have moved when these people begged him. He'd have simply recorded the results in the logbook while they screamed in pain and agonized… I… I could have done that…"

"You could never have done that, you idiot! You are not Stealth Black, you're the Straw Hat crew's cook!"

"Am I?" The blond whispered with a sad smile, "Yet my blood is the same as theirs and I can't escape my fate. I should have known from the start. It was a mistake to believe that I could escape it. The only thing I was proud of was my cooking, and this outfit took that from me. So even though that's the reason I'm still alive today, sometimes I think- Zoro!"

Horrified, Sanji tried to stop the swordsman's blade when Zoro brutally cut his own forearm in front of him. Blood gushed onto his skin and the blond didn't even have time to react when he felt his crewmate violently grab his left arm. The blade went through his jacket, shirt and skin until the red liquid flowed down to his wrist. Zoro then joined both of their hands to pin their forearms together.

He stared into the cook's eyes.

"Their blood may run through your veins, but it's no different from mine. If you wanna see a difference, you have to look for it." Sanji didn't reply, as if petrified by the vision of their blood mixing in the rain, and Zoro held his hand tighter in his.

"It's time you accepted the truth, cook." His companion came out of his torpor at these words and his eyes suddenly widened with fear.

"D-Don't say it. Please, Zoro, don't-don't say it!"

"Why? You know you need to hear it."

Sanji tore his hand from the swordsman's while his arms encircled his own body to protect him from an invisible enemy.

"Because I… I know what you'll say. And maybe it's selfish of me but if I can't stand it, I don't wanna… I don't wanna disappear, Zoro…"

The swordsman firmly grabbed his chin so that their eyes met.

"You are not going to disappear, cook, you hear me? You're strong. I refuse to see you waste all the efforts you've made so far."

"I'm not-

"Of course you are. I listened to you tell me what they did to you and I wondered who other than you could have lived through such hell for so long and become who you are today? Who else would have survived without going crazy or turning their back on their principles? Nobody. You are much stronger than you think."

The blond wasn't trying to escape his gaze anymore and Zoro released the pressure on his chin to surround his face with both hands. In front of him, he saw Sanji swallow, then close his eyes in terror at his next words. The swordsman gently ran his thumbs over his cold cheeks. He knew the shock would be hard but he had made up his mind.

"You are a Vinsmoke, Sanji. You're a Vinsmoke and you can't change that."

The blond's body tried to curl up on itself but the swordsman kept on.

"You'll always be a Vinsmoke, even if it hurts and even if it's unfair. Some people will always associate you with them."

Sanji finally opened his eyes, an indescribable pain deep in his eyes. "I don't wanna be a Vinsmoke!"

"I'm not asking you to love or forgive them. I ask you to accept where you come from. The man you are today, your identity, your choices and your values, part of it comes from them. If you reject this part of you, it'll come back to haunt you every time you hear that name."

Zoro slowly stroked his cheek again, trying to soothe him.

"But that's just a part of you. And you may be a Vinsmoke but you're different from them. It's not your name that defines you. It's what you make of it."

At these words, Sanji let his head fall into the crook of the swordsman's shoulder and Zoro felt his fingers desperately gripping his sodden haramaki. When the blond looked up a few moments later, the fencer could no longer distinguish his tears from the rain.

"Zoro, I… I feel like I can't breathe…"

The swordsman knew that it was not anxiety that was suffocating his companion but rather the weight of his speech which gripped him to the point of suffocation. He pulled him close, surrounding him in a protective embrace.

"You're gonna be okay. I know it's hard but it's worth it. You did the hardest part when you ran away thirteen years ago so don't let that name dictate your life. Show them that it doesn't matter. That you're not the Vinsmoke they think you are. Show them you're different. Because you definitely are."

Sanji didn't answer but his arms closed convulsively around the fencer and Zoro returned his embrace. He had played his last card. There was nothing more he could do.


The swordsman had sat his crewmate in the galley when they had returned to the Sunny. At this moment, the rain was still pouring down and the tremors that shook the blond were probably not the only consequence of the shock of his emotions. Zoro had slowly untied his arms to glance at him and Sanji's chattering teeth had convinced him to drag him somewhere warm.

On the ship, Sanji had wanted to take refuge in his galley. The rain was finally stopping and Zoro had brought him a towel, dry clothes and even a blanket from the boys' quarter because he had sensed that the blond wouldn't want to leave the room. On the way, he had called Franky and told him that the cook had returned. Then he had gone to get compresses from the infirmary.

Sanji hadn't flinched when his companion had wiped away the last traces of blood that still stained his arm. The rain had washed away almost everything and the cut was not deep. Zoro had no doubt that the skin would heal quickly. The cook had then taken off his clothes to dry himself and put on those that the swordsman had brought him. He had finally wrapped himself in the blanket on the seat and closed his eyes. Sanji was exhausted.

Zoro had dried himself vigorously before changing into dry clothes and he had been about to get back to the deck to wait for the crew when the blond had moved behind him. He had turned around and his questioning gaze had met the frightened eyes of his crewmate.

"I… don't wanna be alone."

The swordsman had turned around and sat down on the seat next to him. Sanji had moved closer until he rested his head on his shoulder and Zoro had put an arm around his waist to hold him close. It hadn't taken long for the cook to fall asleep and while his breathing had finally slowed down, the swordsman had remained attentive to outside noises.


A few minutes later, he felt the presence of their friends who were quickly approaching and he gently left the blond's embrace before getting up and opening the door. He had just walked out when Luffy appeared in front of him.

"Zoro, is Sanji here?" The captain asked him immediately, his eyebrows furrowed. Behind him, the entire crew was still dripping with rain and their irregular breathing showed that they had been running to get back as quickly as possible.

When the day had begun to fade and Sanji had not returned, everyone had gathered anxiously in the galley. When meal time had arrived and they had noticed that the blond was still missing, panic had completely invaded the crew. Feeding his friends had remained the blond's number one priority and even since he lost his sense of taste and smell, he had never missed a meal. After the day they had spent, his friends had imagined the worst. What if Sanji couldn't stand the situation? What if he had gone alone to knowingly harm himself this time? Their companion had been much better for several weeks but this island had deeply disturbed him by making him look guilty in the eyes of the inhabitants.

In tears, Chopper had thrown himself at Luffy's feet, apologizing for not taking better care of their cook and Usopp had almost yelled at him to stop, unable to imagine that their friend could come to this. Eventually, the Straw Hat Pirates had decided to split into several groups to search the city and its surrounding while the swordsman remained on the ship in case the blond ended up coming back. They had wandered the island for hours despite the rain, trying to ask everyone they passed if they had seen their crewmate before Zoro finally informed them of the good news.

"He's in the galley. He's okay."

The tension abruptly left the crew and Nami's eyes filled with tears. "Thank God," she gasped, overwhelmed.

"What a relief," Brook whispered.

"How are you sure?! I wanna see him!" The little reindeer cried as he was rushing towards the door, tears rolling down his cheeks. Yet the swordsman blocked his way. "Calm down, Chopper. He's sleeping and he needs it."

The reindeer froze before nodding. He then took a deep breath, wiped away his tears and pushed the door open. Inside, he discovered the cook dozing in the darkness of the room on the bench. Behind him, the rest of the crew entered and Chopper slowly approached his patient.

"He's terribly pale," Robin remarked quietly after a moment.

"He has a fever." The doctor sniffed as he placed a paw on his forehead, his throat tight.

"I was at the crow's nest and I saw him on the port. He was in shock," the swordsman explained.

"So he came back on his own," Jinbei noted.

"Yeah, I think he lost track of time."

"What happened?" Franky asked him, lifting up his rain-dripping glasses.

"Did he say anything?" Usopp urged him in turn.

"He discovered an abandoned center. Looks like his family conducted some really sordid experiments over there. They left some kind of logbook which he found and read."

"I should never have let him go out alone." Chopper felt even more guilty when he noticed the fresh cut on his forearm.

"I don't think he was trying to harm himself. He didn't assess the consequences it'd have on him, that's all," Zoro replied.

"I'm glad you're the one who found him, Zoro."

The swordsman turned to his captain. Luffy's gaze was fixed on the forearm of his first mate adorned with the same cut as his cook and Zoro didn't try to hide it. He just nodded back.

When he had seen Sanji in the middle of the pouring rain, anger had overwhelmed him. Like his crewmates, not seeing the cook come back had alarmed him. When he had found him though, he had quickly understood that the blond was not in his right mind. His confidence of the last days was gone and Zoro had seen the abyss deep in his eyes. One more step and Sanji would have jumped without even knowing if he would ever get back up.

So the swordsman had done the only thing he knew how to do: he had told him the truth. Slightly because he had nothing to lose when faced with the void that threatened to engulf his companion, but also because he had boundless trust in him. He knew the cook's ability to bounce back and his thirst for life. He knew his physical strength which allowed him to endure the cruelest blows but above all, he knew his inner strength and he had bet that Sanji would bear the truth. He had played double or nothing. And for now, he didn't regret it.

On the bench, the cook suddenly blinked when Chopper applied a warm cloth to his forehead. He stood up, still haggard.

"Ch-Chopper?"

"You have a fever; you probably got cold," the little reindeer replied. "Don't worry, I'll get you some medicine."

The blond nodded and observed the doctor heading towards his infirmary before becoming aware of the gaze of all his other crewmates fixed on him. He shivered. The comforting presence of Zoro at his side was gone and the worried faces of the crew made him uneasy in addition to their silence. His breathing suddenly quickened and his eyes fell unconsciously on the door. Luffy brutally appeared in front of him then.

"Don't move, Sanji. If you'd rather be alone, we'll leave. Just let Chopper take care of you."

The firm and reassuring voice of his captain set the cook's mind at rest. The straw hat boy then signaled his friends to come out and everyone quickly did so.

When Chopper returned with a glass of water, Zoro bent down to retrieve his swords which he had left against the table. At that moment, he met the panicked eyes of his crewmate and he froze, remembering his words a few minutes earlier.

"I can stay. If you want," he added awkwardly.

Sanji's shoulders relaxed and Zoro glanced at his captain who nodded back. Luffy left the room and the swordsman sat back on the bench alongside the blond while Chopper examined him.

Absolute silence reigned in the galley during the examination. The little reindeer listened to the cook's heart and checked his blood pressure, asking his patient only what was strictly necessary to avoid rushing him. In the end, he gave him a pill to lower the fever and suggested he take a shower if he was cold but the blond shook his head. He didn't want to leave the place where he felt best and he simply gulped down the glass of water the doctor had brought.

The swordsman then helped him wrap himself up again in the blanket and Sanji was already dozing when Chopper put away his instruments. Before leaving, the little reindeer exchanged a look with Zoro and then turned off the light while gently closing the door behind him.

Zoro remained still for a moment. He felt that the blond's breathing had not yet calmed down and as he had expected, when he turned his head, Sanji's eyes were wide open again.

"I'm not sure I can be left alone," the cook murmured after a long moment. "I'm afraid I'll have nightmares about what I've read… What if I wake up convinced I've become Stealth Black and harm the crew?"

The swordsman put an arm around his shoulders to pull him close. "That won't happen because I'll be here. You only have one word to say and you know I'll stay as long as you need."

Sanji closed his eyes before putting his head against the swordsman's chest, the rhythm of his heart rocking him despite himself.

"Thank you…"


I hope you were afraid with Sanji and then rested with him against Zoro's shoulder…

What's Law up to these days?