Chapter 4

Turbolift, 07.51 ship time

Spock can indeed define his current state as quite alert and energetic, which is quite refreshing from the ordeal of the recent days. His physical parameters are almost back to normal, even the functioning of his optic nerves. As for the natural weariness of mind and body – right now the nervous energy is compensating for it well enough. It will not last long, but today's shift will most likely be quiet.

Outwardly Spock is acting like he was not at all surprised by his recovery, but he definitely was. He totally did not expect the recovery. Especially after he spent all yesterday's evening trying to rationalize and internalize what had happened to him, to get used to this deficient state of blindness before he could even start planning anything for the future. Trying to deal with the shock, before he could even think about any future. It was going to be the future without this ship - and without many other things, probably. He was not even sure he could return to his parental home. At least he had his people's spirituality and mind training skills to help him anywhere. What was, was. What is, is.

He didn't remember how and in what hour of night his stream of thoughts turned into sleep. Or rather, it was a healing trance – a light one, because he was able to wake up on his own accord. And when he opened his eyes – it was like a whiplash again. The sudden return of vision was just as painful and disorienting as the sudden loss of it. Even the nightlight beside the bed and the small blinking lights on the display above the bio-bed hit him like lightning bolts. And he was disoriented not only in the physical sense… His mind was swimming.

Thankfully he awoke very early – and so two full hours passed before Doctor McCoy stepped into the ward blinking sleepily. Spock used that time to gather himself together, calm his breathing and heart rate, evaluate his state, adjust to the dim light, have a quiet talk with an astonished Nurse Chapel, take some medicine offered by her, take a long hot steam shower that helped him ease his shivering, then step out into the daylight more or less ready to communicate and act normally.

When asked what he wanted for breakfast, he quite logically chose some vividly colored native Vulcan foods - the brightest-colored fruit had the most health benefits, as common knowledge went. Nurse Chapel had to go down to the airponics to get the fruit, but she was happy to do so. And then he found himself actually enjoying his breakfast, and not even minding the fussing of the nurses around him and their excited talk. They were only happy for him, after all. Being happy was what all humans desired. So, if he could somehow temporarily provide that state of mind to the nurses in return for all they did for him recently…

And so he was in a quite satisfactory shape to meet the awakened doctor fully-armed, as humans would say. The doctor had been strangely afraid of Spock ever since he had conducted that experiment. McCoy radiated a number of other recognizable and disturbing emotions too; especially when he guided Spock from the lab into the sickbay ward. Guilt, shame, helplessness, self-loathing, pity, remorse… but the emotion of fear was inexplicable. Though maybe that emotion was the reason the doctor kept distance from Spock all that evening.

Now, in the turbolift, Spock sees that the night's sleep had thankfully calmed the doctor down and the food, however little, had replenished some of his energy (after all, kreila* was the kind of food supply taken to the desert trips). But the doctor is still radiating a number of disturbing emotions, even though his inexplicable fear was definitely alleviated by relief at finding Spock healthy again.

Spock will mentally go through his body functions and put any minor deviations from full healthy mode back in order later. Doctor McCoy has, of course, scheduled him a health evaluation after the shift's end – Spock would have thought it a simple perfectionism, had he not known the doctor better. Anyway, the subtleties of his system are something Spock himself can deal with much better.

There is no need for even a brief healing trance now; a long meditation session will suffice. And it is imperative to resume his daily meditation routine in the days to come. Spock has gone several days without it – his desperate mental fight with the creatures for control of his own body definitely did not count as meditation. More like the extreme mobilization of all his psychic resources, and it was devastating. Now his mind must return into the ordered state again. The mind must be over matter. His mind was just barely enough to cope with it all: the creatures and the way they disabled him, the shame of his mutiny while under their control, and then the blindness and the way it disabled him…

Maybe his mind was not enough. He was nearing the end of his strength and his sanity when he volunteered for the experiment. And after that… those waves of – anger and despair and helplessness and frustrated fury from Jim – and shock and guilt and helplessness and remorse and fear from the doctor – they definitely were too much for him in the state he was in. Especially when both of his friends touched him, however briefly. But their waves of emotions were quite palpable even without any touch. They were just as painful as the creatures' influence on his nervous system, but in a different way.

The sensations and memories are still overloading his mind and tensing his body now. It is hard to focus…

And so, now standing in the turbolift, despite his seemingly impeccable outer appearance (which has, for some obscure reason, nevertheless affected the doctor negatively), Spock is not internally as confident, fresh and relaxed as he looks externally. The events of the past few days have drained him a lot, and his present energy is only due to a surge of adrenaline and a good nutritious breakfast. And partly due to the amusement of some successful trolling of the good doctor earlier this morning. All of this will probably last Spock through the days' shift, but the evening – it is imperative that the evening be spent in deep meditation. Silence, flame and incense. And deep analysis. And even deeper work with his subconscious mind. He has to sort out and compartmentalize all these memories and… and discard all those emotions he has felt recently. The pain, the fear, the shock, the desperation… His own emotions and those of his friends… Especially the doctor, who is still suffering the consequences and is uncomfortable to be around, even if he is uncommonly silent – the waves radiating from him…

Later. Do not think about it now. Right now Spock is on his way up to the bridge, safe and sound – and there is a very high probability that his captain will be pleased to see him back at his station.

"A third eye, who woudda thought…" mutters the doctor standing next to him in the turbolift's small space.

"A third eyelid, Doctor", Spock corrects placidly. "It is a different thing".

"Sure it is", answers the doctor with a strange intonation. And silence falls again. Fascinating.

The good doctor looks like he is – in some mild walking trance? Impossible. He does not have the skills, or the ability to control his temper, for that matter. Yet his state is disturbing for Spock. And right now Spock does not have the time to closely inspect what exactly is wrong with the doctor – the bridge will meet them in approximately 7.8 seconds. The doctor obviously needs a good rest, this is clear. And at least Spock succeeded in feeding him some kreila (which was quite a remarkable feat, by the way). But the doctor's behavior today is at times so much out of character that it confuses Spock immensely. Maybe he should try to talk to McCoy later this evening, put some more effort into calming him? After the full meditation session, of course. Spock will be much more… in character himself then.

USS Enterprise 1701, bridge, 07.52 ship time

McCoy keeps two steps behind and lets Saint Spock have his grand entrance to the bridge. Absolutely no one is expecting him to show up today. McCoy hasn't even informed Jim on the intercom – why spoil the surprise, really. The things he does for that thankless hybrid wonder!..

Who, of course, fails to appreciate it - and downplays his grand entrance to an attempt at quickly sneaking to his station without attracting attention. But the Captain notices and reacts at once with a shocked "Mr. Spock!.." The Captain jumps out of his chair to intercept Spock on his way – hands stretched out to steady him and to guide him. Shooting McCoy an angry glance meaning: "Why did you let him come here?!"

Spock stops in his tracks and looks Jim in the eye. Jim's face is quite a sight for a second, and Mc Coy is rewarded a bit. Then Captain Kirk gathers his composure quickly (now earning an approving glance from Spock) and states almost calmly: "You can see". Uhura's face and quiet gasp are rewarding too. Everyone on the bridge turns to stare.

The Talk about the Mystery of the Vulcan Eye and its Remarkable Evolutionary Development ensues. And a little provoking prodding from a still-confused Jim to Spock ("Regaining eyesight is a highly emotional experience for most. You, I believe, felt nothing?"). And Spock deviously redirecting it to McCoy ("On the contrary, I had a very strong reaction: my first sight was the face of Doctor McCoy bending over me"). Oh, really? Liar, pants on fire – it was not like that at all… Also, to speak about which of them really got a strong reaction at awakening… But the doctor is just unable to get really angry at the hobgoblin. Not today. He is thankfully able to pull some sort of ironical reply out of himself, only if not to disappoint an amused Lieutenant Uhura who is raptly watching the exchange. But the doctor's face is tired and far from amused.

And then comes the sudden revelation that Spock, from his science station and back turned, can easily hear literally everything that is spoken in whisper near the Captain's chair. Including the much-compromising "Don't tell Spock that I called him the best First Officer in the Fleet". Damn those Vulcans, their eyes and their ears! How much humiliation can Leonard McCoy really bear before he truly and finally loses his mind?! The doctor prefers not to investigate that question further. At least Jim's usual brazen smirk fades the second Jim realizes just what Spock must have overheard from him all this time. The doctor is not alone in this.

At least seems like Jim has really forgiven him…

The alpha shift starts at 08.00 sharp, with all the usual assigned crew present, just as it is supposed to. And even with a definite bonus of a happy, though confused, Captain and a content, though silent, First Officer. And the ship's CMO Doctor McCoy, having done what he could to make that happen (not much, yeah…), takes the turbolift back to his own station at sickbay, somehow feeling not happy or content at all.

Because he knows that Leonard McCoy hasn't forgiven Doctor McCoy.

*Kreila – traditional Vulcan bread in the form of biscuits