Five ten year olds blankly stared at the t.v. as Cartman flipped through the channels for the third time since they arrived at his house. After their first week of summer vacation, they had run out of ways to spend their time that would normally be wasted by Mr. Garrison.
"Dude! Pick something already! I'm getting nauseous from watching you change channels," Kyle groaned.
"Shut it Jew," said Cartman. "It's not like we have anything better to do."
"Aw, cheer up fellers. At least we don't have school until August," said Butters. The blonde's optimistic smile slowly faded away as he saw the opposite effect his words had on the scowling group. The heavy set child opened his mouth, ready to rip the happy go lucky boy a new one when a disheveled teen in pajamas walked into the room.
"Do you assholes ever shut the fuck up," Scott muttered through gritted teeth.
"Dude, did you just wake up? It's 12:00," said Kyle.
"I'm an insomniac, dipshit. You try losing both your parents and tell me if you have problems sleeping at night," he said. "Whatever, now that I'm awake. I'm watching what I want," Scott said before snatching the remote out of his younger brother's hands.
"Aye!" Cartman angrily glared at the highschooler as he flipped to grainy footage of a monster truck rally. Scott plopped down onto the couch between Kyle and Stan and watched with glee as two monster trucks slamming into one another.
"Sweet…," said the teen.
"Dude, let's go to Token's house. Kids from his background are always doing cool stuff on Instagram," said Stan. Kyle, Kenny, and Butters nodded in agreement, while Cartman continued to stare daggers at his nemesis.
"We will be right back to Mother Trucker right after this commercial break," said a blonde news woman. "Right now, we have breaking news from a returning Channel 4 news anchor, Tom Pusslicker." The boys watched in surprise as the long since missing brunette appeared on the screen.
"Thanks Tammy. It's good to be back on the air after my long absence which will remain unexplained for personal reasons. I'm in Denver, Colorado where several musicians and bands are set to play Friday night at the three day long "Soundwave" music festival. I had a chance to interview one of the bands performing in this exclusive interview."
"Oh boy, I hope it's Chicago! 'If you leave me now, You'll take away the biggest part of me'…"
"Dude, shut up! I bet it's going to be someone really lame and sucky like the Jonas Brothers or-" Cartman stopped mid-sentence when he saw the group on the t.v.
"I'm here with the members of Radiohead, Thom Yorke, Colin Greenwood, Johnny Greenwood, Ed O'Brien, and Phil Selway, to talk about Friday's performance." The boys quickly glanced at Cartman who dared not to make eye contact with any of them before cautiously turning towards the previous subject of the band's torment. The only visible expression that could be seen on the teen's face was complete and utter astonishment, the ginger's face frozen in place with his mouth hung open and his eyes wide as saucers.
"Are you guys excited to see your Colorado fans," Tom asked.
"Oh course, we love all our friends, well, except-," said Thom.
"Except who?"
"Fuuuccckkk" Cartman groaned, burying his face into his hands. Out of all the sinister acts committed by the supple sociopath, why did this one have to come back to bite him in the ass?
"About a year ago, we got a letter from this kid named Eric Cartman that said his friend, Scott Tenorman, had cancer in his ass and that we were his favorite. We felt really bad for the kid, so we went to South Park, Colorado to go see him before he died. When we got to South Park, however, we found out he was nothing but an uncool, little cryba-." The rest of the British singer's dialogue came out as unintelligible noise before the television short circuited and burst into flames, all around the t.v. remote lodged into the device's glass screen. The ten years watch in horror as the previously catatonic teenager stood up from the couch in utter silence after committing such a violent act like it was nothing.
"I'm going to get dressed. Figure out what you're going to need to bring with you to Denver, fatass," said Scott before heading towards the basement door.
"Wait? You're going," asked the supple boy.
"No, we're going."
The sounds of electronic doors and footsteps could be heard outside of the juvenile's cell as he scrolled through his phone. If the guards knew he managed to snuck a phone into juvenile hall, he would be thrown into solitary confinement for sure. The child scrolled through his usual social media accounts before checking on the South Park news to make sure he knew what was going on outside of the "big house." When the youth clicked on the link, however, the top story left him baffled.
"What the Hell?" The boy muttered not from the story's caption, "Three Trespassers at Large After Breaking and Entering into South Park's Genetic Engineering," but from the police sketches including a red headed freckled teen, Jonah Hill, and a blonde cabbage patch doll. It only took the juvenile delinquent seconds to realize who each of the suspects were supposed to be before bursting into laughter, something the child only really got from beating up newbies for fun. After a couple minutes of snickering to himself, it hit him. An epiphany so great, the adolescent ceased his chuckling and felt his chest swell as the hope inside his chest grew. The boy picked up his phone and punched in the number for the local police station.
Holy shit it's been a long time since I posted. I assure you my lack of writing was not from a lack of desire. School and the difficulty with me figuring out how I wanted the story to progress can be blamed for my absence for the past four months. After several months of contemplating this story, I have a strong idea for how the rest of the story will progress. Don't ever worry that I will abandon this story. Even if it takes me another couple years, I will see this through. Now that the serious stuff is out of the way, let me just share my thoughts on the Post Covid Special. A future special is just one look at how the future could be, especially since this was a dystopian future. Cartman having Mr. Mackey's face and being a great dad despite having no father of his own is just one way things could happen in the future. Take everything you saw with a grain of salt and remember that they didn't get Kyle's nose right.
