The next morning was probably the easiest one Santana had ever had. With only one child in the house she allowed herself a much slower pace than usual, taking her time as she picked an outfit for the day, and wasting about fifteen minutes dancing in the bathroom mirror with Kyler by her side as she did her hair.

Were they late, yes, but it was worth it.

She passed by starbucks on the way to the studio to get some donuts for Eve. She was still feeling bad for whatever it was she had said that offended Eve the other day, and though Eve didn't seem mad at her, she didn't seem entirely comfortable around her either. Santana hated it, but she wasn't exactly sure what to say. 'Sorry for hurting your feelings somehow, I didn't mean whatever it was' didn't seem like a good way to go. So for now, donuts were the solution.

The studio was basically empty, which it usually was at this time. Santana had quickly realised that most people in the music industry tended to work late, which meant they weren't eager to come in early. Becoming a morning person thanks to motherhood gave Santana that advantage, because she was up anyway, and could get uninterrupted studio time in the mornings.

Malek and Jade weren't in yet either, so she dropped her purse in her office and took the box of donuts into her favourite studio. It was one of the older ones, smaller than all of the others and without all of the fancy upgrades of the remodelled rooms, but Santana had a soft spot for it. She'd done most of the writing for her second album in this room, spent countless hours listening to each song until she was convinced they were all garbage. She knew this room inside and out. Every dial, every notch, every inch of the recording booth, and she needed that familiarity right now. When she was writing the album that could mark either the resurgence of her career or the end of it, she needed to be in a space that felt familiar. Comfortable. Safe. Just so that the weight of the album didn't overwhelm her.

Sitting in one of the chairs facing the mixing console, Santana closed her eyes and focused on breathing. She let her fingers glide over the dials, emptying her mind. She tried to let go of all the expectations, all the fear and anxiety, the uncertainty gnawing at the back of her mind about whether she should even be back in the studio at all. When she'd done that the best she could, she opened her eyes and pushed her chair to the corner of the room, where a keyboard and guitar were pushed against the wall. She dragged the keyboard to the centre of the room and then picked up the guitar and sat back down.

She strummed the guitar gently and closed her eyes again. "Let's do this."


By lunch Santana couldn't believe the progess she'd made. She'd ended up locking herself in the studio, refusing to let even Jade in. Her mind had just opened up about thirty minutes into idly playing random chords, and a song had just come pouring out. She hadn't stopped to go to the bathroom or to get food, so she'd eaten Eve's donuts telling herself she'd just get more, but there was no solution for the bathroom. Finally, as her phone vibrated in her clivage, she hit the record button, stopping the session, and closed the book she had open in front of her where she was writing down lyrics.

She stood up, stretching her hands behind her back until she felt a satisfying few pops, and took out her phone.

"Hey Quinn"

"Hey, she says."

Santana frowned, pulling open the studio door and walking out, her bladder now desperate for release.

"Do you know who you've called, or is this pregnancy brain?"

"Santana where the hell are you?"

"At work?"

Once inside the bathroom, Santana balanced the phone between her ear and shoulder, locking herself in a stall and unzipping her skirt.

"Why are you still there?"

"I don't know how I'm supposed to answer that. I promised I'd be nicer to you because you're growing another human being but….have you forgotten what work is or…?"

"You forgot." Quinn sighed, and the lack of accusatory undertones had Santana pausing in her reach for the toilet paper. She stared hard at the door, wracking her brain for what she'd forgotten, but she didn't even know what the date was so there was no hope of jogging her memory.

"If I apologise instead of pretending I didn't forget will you tell me what it is?"

Quinn was silent long enough for Santana to wipe, flush and walk out to the sink.

"Quinn?"

"If I wasn't already here I would tell you not to bother."

"Bother with what?"

"My wedding dress! You said you'd come help me look-"

"Oh shit!" Santana nearly dropped her phone into the sink but managed to catch it at the last second, pressing it into her chest with her writst as it slid down. "Sorry." She called, quickly grabbing some paper towels to dry her hand and hold her phone. "Sorry. Crap I'm really sorry. I completely-"

"Forgot. Yes I know. Well are you going to make it or not?"

Santana stared at herself in the mirror as she nodded.

"Of course I'll be there. Give me twenty minutes."

"Fine" Quinn muttered before hanging up.

Santana sighed. Going all over town looking at wedding gowns was not what she wanted to do today, especially after the amazing morning she'd had in the studio, but she could read Quinn almost as well as she could read Brittany, and Quinn was already hurt that she'd forgotten their plans. Hurt Quinn was worse than angry Quinn, so she didn't really have a choice.

She left the bathroom trying to feel excited. This should be fun after all. Quinn was getting married! And this was the perfect opportunity for payback for how annoying Quinn had been throughout her whole wedding dress hunt. That thought made Santana think of Elaine. They hadn't talked to or heard from Elaine in over three years. The last time they'd seen them was when Elaine had randomly invited them all over for dinner. She begged them to bring the kids, which Santana had found really odd, and when the night was over had hugged Brittany for an abnormally long time, thanking her for opening the door for them all those years ago when they'd just moved to San Jose. A gesture that kickstarted their friendsip.

After that, Elaine never answered any of their calls, never came by for birthdays or anniversary parties. And when Quinn went by to check on her, she'd found the apartment empty.

Santana hadn't thought much about it at the time, but now she realised she actually missed Elaine. She was weird and eccentric, but she'd become a good friend. She wondered whether her and Ethan were still together; if they'd finally decided to get married. She found herself giggling as she picked her purse from her office, thinking about what Elaine would say about Quinn finally getting married.

It was sad that people who she once shared a wall with and saw everyday, were now strangers. But then Santana realised, Elaine had become a stranger long before she'd disappeared. She wasn't even sure her kids would remember Elaine, that's how uninvolved in their lives she'd become.

Such was life, Santana told herself as she started her car. Sometimes people drift apart. Which was why she was leaving work to go wedding dress shopping. If she didn't, Quinn was likely to take a page out of Eilane's book and never speak to her again.

She had to switch the car off almost immediately, as she realised she had no idea where she was going. Not wanting to contact Quinn and risk making things worse, she took out her phone and opened her messages with Quinn, hoping to find the conversation in which she agreed to this outing in the first place. Sadly, ten minutes later she was still scrolling, acutely aware that she now only had ten mintutes before Quinn called her again asking where she was.

Desperate, she called Brittany.

"Hi babe."

"Hey." Santana smiled. It had been barely a day, but damnit if she didn't already miss Brittany. "How's the first day with the gang so far?"

"Oh you know….Jesus is bouncing off the walls, Sophia just said her first words of the day."

Santana laughed, shaking her head.

"But they slept kind of late so I don't really blame her. How about you? First real day in the studio, how's it going?"

"It was going great." Santana rolled her eyes.

"Who ruined it?" Brittany giggled.

"Quinn." Santana sighed. "She didn't ruin it exactly….I guess I ruined it for myself."

"How?"

"Apparently I agreed to go dress shopping with her."

Brittan cackled. "I told you your shopping addiction would be your downfall."

Santana glared at her windshield. "No Britt, wedding dress shopping."

"Oooh. Oops. Sorry."

"So I guess that means I didn't tell you about it?"

"Not that I remember."

"Damn." Santana sighed. "I was hoping I told you where it was."

"Nope, sorry. Why don't you just call Quinn?"

"She already knows I forgot about this thing, if I tell her-"

"She'll set fire to your car on arrival. Got it. Um….Wait I know."

Brittany hung up so suddenly Santana didn't realise until several seconds later when there was still silence. She pulled the phone away from her ear and frowned at it.

"Okay?" She breathed, wondering if Brittany had hung up by accident. The time at the top of her screen was making her anxious. So much so that she called Brittany back hoping it was a mistake, and she'd actually been about to tell her that she knew where she was supposed to go. But Brittany's line was busy.

"Crap."

Biting her lip, Santana decided keeping Quinn waiting would be worse than asking where she was supposed to go. She could pretend to need directions, or have forgotten the exact name to put into GPS, hopefully Quinn would just tell her and let it go. So she dialled Quinn.

But Quinn's line was busy as well.

"Crap." She muttered again. "What the hell am I supposed to do now?" She could remember how many bridal shops there were in San Jose. She'd been to just about all of them when she was shopping for her own wedding dress over ten years ago. Surely more had cropped up. There was no way she could just drive to each one and hope to find Quinn. Not before Quinn found her first and murdered her.

Her phone vibrated in her hand seconds before her ringtone filled the car. Santana answered it quickly.

"Britt what was that? I'm in a crisis here!"

Brittany laughed. "Who would believe that you'd one day be scared of Quinn."

"I'm not…She's pregnant, if she slaps me I can't slap her back."

"Didn't stop you in high school."

Santana's mouth fell open as Brittany laughed harder.

"I can't believe-"

"No, no I'm kidding. It's sweet that you're being so nice to her."

Santana frowned at the steering wheel, grumbling under her breath that she was only doing it to get good karma.

"Okay babe." Brittany giggled. "Well maybe it's paying off. I know where you're going."

Santana sat up. "What? How?"

"I called Quinn. Asked her what she was up to, and she told me where she was."

Santana blinked.

"Genius."

"Why thank you." She could hear the smile through the phone, it made her smile as well.

"What would I do without you?"

"Get beat up by a pregnant woman."

Santana laughed, turning on the car and backing out of her parking space.

"I love you Brittany."

"I know."


She was handed a glass of champagne as soon as she walked into the shop.

"Santana Lopez" the lady said, her eyes so wide Santana could see herself reflected in them. "It's an honour to have you shopping with here…with us…here." She laughed nervously. "If you need anything, at all, anything at all please let me know."

"Thanks." Santana smiled. "It's not my wedding though…I'm already married." She held up her hand to show her ring. "It's Lopez-Pierce."

"Yes of course." The lady shook her head head at herself. "Of course. Of course."

Santana spotted Quinn sitting on a couch, a glass of wine in her hand as well as she talked to a lady, who looked like she worked at the shop. She took a deep breath and walked over.

"Ah, here she is." The lady said, smiling at Santana as she stopped behind the couch. Quinn turned slowly, jaw clenched tight.

"Great." Quinn said uncrossing her legs and standing up. "So I just want to see what kind of options you have. I doubt I'll buy the dress today, but I want to get a few ideas."

"Alright. Give me one second, I'll need to take your measurements, and then we'll bring out the dresses in your size."

"Uh." Santana stepped forward, gripping the couch. "I mean don't you think there are dresses in other sizes that she might also like to see. Dresses can be adjusted."

"That's true…yes of course. We'll bring a variety."

Santana nodded, and the lady walked off.

Quinn remained facing forward. Santana tapped awkwardly on the couch cushion. She knew she should apologize. If Brittany was here, she would be nudging her insesantly, trying to encourage her to talk to Quinn. But Brittany wasn't here, which meant Santana had no encouragement, or buffer from Quinn's wrath. So she remained silent.

The lady returned with a tape measure.

"Okay Quinn, please come stand up here."

Quinn complied, stepping up onto the small podium.

"Hold your arms up just like this…" she spread her arms to the side. Quinn followed. "Great. Now don't hold your breath or suck your stomach in or anthing like that, otherwise I can't get the precise measurements."

Santana snorted, but stopped abruptly as Quinn turned to glare at her.

"Something funny?"

"Nope." She shook her head. The shop assistant raised an eyebrow at her. "Just…I mean sucking in her stomach won't do her any good will it?"

Quinn rolled her eyes, facing forward once again, but the shop assistant looked scandalised.

"Excuse me?" She asked, casting a fleeting glance at Quinn. "I'll have you know that we have dresses for all body types in this store, and don't partake in any of the industry's body shaming-"

"What?!" Santana frowned. "Nobody's body shaming."

"I'm pregnant." Quinn supplied, saving Santana from the shop assistant's disbelieveing glare.

"Oh." The woman flushed red. "I…sorry." She said to Santana. "I just thought…since you're a celebrity and…so skinny-"

"That I was calling my best friend fat while she gets fitted for a wedding dress?"

"I um…." She licked her lips, then turned back to Quinn and wrapped the tape around her waise.

"You deserved it Santana." Quinn said, breaking the awkward silence.

"Why?" Santana rounded the couch and sat down. "Because I forgot we'd planned to do this?"

"Yeah." Quinn nodded. "It's kind of an important thing to forget."

"I don't even know what the date is Quinn." Santana rolled her eyes. "I work with days of the week. Do my kids need to go to school or not. That's all I usually need to know. Why do you think I have Eve?"

"So you're saying I should have made an appointment with Eve to make sure my best friend remembers me?"

"I'm here aren't I?" Santana raised her hand. "I don't even remember agreeing to this in the firs-"

"Well don't do me any favours!" Quinn snapped, turning around so suddenly she nearly toppled the poor shop assistant who was crouched over, measuring from her waist to her ankles. "If you don't want to be here, leave."

"I never said I wanted to leave."

"Ever since I asked you to be my maid of honour I feel like I've been forcing you to do stuff. Dragging you through everything like my wedding planning is an inconvenience for you. Seriously Santana if you don't want to do it just say so."

Santana gaped at her. She wanted to say something, for one, because of the looks they were getting from the three other people in the store, but she couldn't think of a single thing to say in her defense. Quinn was right. She had been acting like this wedding was an inconvenience for her, which she could imagine didn't feel great for Quinn who was so excited she read bridal magazines every day. Santana had been excited about her own wedding of course, but she'd kind of always known she'd end up marrying Brittany. She'd been more excited about the marriage than the wedding. But Quinn was different. Quinn wanted to talk about it all the time. She actually wanted to sift through thousands of pages of floral arrangements to pick the exact right one.

Up until now, Santana hadn't realised what a downer she'd been.

Pressing her lips together, she stood up and walked to Quinn, wrapping her arms around her.

"Santana-"

"I'm sorry." She cut Quinn off. "I've been really self-obsessed, I guess I'm just so used to nothing going on in your life-"

"Shut up." Quinn chuckled.

"Of course I want to be your maid of honour." Santana pulled back. "Are you kidding?"

"Really?"

"Duh." Santana rolled her eyes. "I just forgot how high maintenance you are but don't worry, from now on I'm going to be the maid of honour you need."

"Are you sure? Cause I could just pick, like Mercedes or something if you're too busy-"

"Get out of here. I told Brittany I wouldn't slap you but mention making Mercedes your maid of honour again and I will."

"Okay." Quinn laughed, wiping under her eye and turning around and raising her arms again so the shop assistant could finish measuring her.


"So how's it going to work exactly….seeing as you definitely won't be this size on your wedding day?"

Santana was standing outside the changing room, leaning against the wall as she waited for Quinn to try on the fourth dress.

"I'm not going to be pregnant anymore." Quinn's muffled voice came through the door.

"Oh right." Santana nodded. "You'll just be…what…?" She paused to count. "Three months post pregnancy?"

"And?"

"And" Santana laughed, pushing off the wall. "You will not be this size."

"I got my body back pretty fast last time."

"Yeah well you were 16, and had been a cheerleader on Sue's crazy diet."

Quinn opened the door, shuffling out with small steps and turning so Santana could close the zip.

"I could always go back on it."

"Don't be stupid." Santana said, smacking her shoulder. "You would one hundred percent end up in the hospital if you tried. Three months after giving birth? With a baby sucking all your life force through your breasts? I will force feed you three meals a day if I have to." She pulled up the zip.

"Okay." Quinn laughed, turning around. "Relax, it was just a juice cleanse."

"That straight up gave me Bolemia."

Quinn's smile slowly faded. "Yeah." She said quietly. "Yeah you're right, that was a stupid thing for me to say."

Shrugging, Santana led the way back to the podium so Quinn could see herself in the mirror. The lady helping them smiled broadly.

"Gorgeous." She beamed. "How do you feel?"

Quinn turned sideways, raising her arm.

"It's nice." She said, bobbing her head.

"But?" Santana asked, sitting down.

"I don't know, what do you think Santana?"

"I think the fact that you're not sure says it all."

"But…" Quinn turned the other way, craning to see her back. "It's pretty right?"

"Very." Santana nodded.

"So what's wrong with it?"

"You don't love it."

"But why?" Quinn threw her hands up, turning to face Santana.

Santana laughed, standing up. "Q how on earth am I supposed to know why you don't love it?"

"Maybe…is it the length?" The assistant asked, walking forward.

Quinn shrugged. "Not really. It's fine."

"Is it too tight?"

"You were taking really small steps." Santana said.

"Yeah…" Quinn turned back to the mirror. "I guess it is a bit tight….but I feel like it's more to do with the design."

"Do you want something more…flowy?" Santana asked. Quinn raised an eyebrow. "Puffy?" Quinn chuckled.

"I don't know. What do you think Theo will like?"

"Please!" Santana scoffed. "Theo is going to love whatever you wear. Trust me he doesn't care."

"Okay…" Quinn breathed, resting her hands on her hips. "Okay…I think…I want sleeves."

"Okay." The assistant nodded.

"Should've known you'd want to be Princess Kate."

Ignoring her, Quinn turned to see her back again.

"Okay, so…maybe a low back, instead of this."

The shop assistant nodded again.

"You're going to expose your whole back to the church?" Santana gasped.

Quinn stared blankly at her. "You're not funny."

"A little bit I am."

"Am I going to be forced to listen to your stupid comments all day?"

"Yup" Santana grinned.

"I should have invited Brittany."

"Yeah," Santana sat down and picked her third glass of wine. "But only cause she has the best fashion sense."


Brittany sent one quick reply, telling Santana to behave herself, then tucked her phone away as their cab pulled up at the building.

"Is Santana doing alright?" Kaleb asked.

"Yeah." Brittany giggled. "She's just tormenting Quinn, but she's fine."

"What are best friends for?" Kaleb laughed.

"Mami's with Tia?" Jesus asked. "What are they doing? Why isn't she in the studio? Is Tia in the studio with her?"

"Bud" Brittany stopped him, gently pushing him to get out of the car after Kaleb. Once she'd joined them on the sidewalk, she took his hand. "No, she's not in the studio, they went to try find Tia a wedding dress."

"Oh…" Jesus "I wish I could see Tia's wedding dress."

"You will."

Jesus smirked so devilishly it threw Brittany off. She would never get used to how much the twins looked like Santana.

"What?" She asked

"Sophia's gonna wish she stayed back with Kyler now."

Shaking her head, Brittany ushered him into the building.

They walked into a small lobby, with a receptionist seated behind a desk. She smiled up at them, standing as the door shut behind Brittany.

"Good afternoon Mrs Pierce-"

"Lopez-Pie-"

"Lopez-Pierce I am so sorry. And Mr Brent." She smiled at Kaleb. "My name is Krista, thank you so much for coming to do this."

"It's our pleasure really." Brittany said.

"Gave us an excuse to travel." Kaleb joked.

Krista laughed good-naturedly, walking back behind her desk.

"They're waiting for you. I'll just call one of the instructors down to get you."

As she picked up the phone on her desk, Brittany looked around the lobby. There were a few pictures of dancers framed on the wall, and several large ones with dozens of different children. Brittany guessed they were some of the students.

"So this is a dance school mama?"

"Yeah." Brittany nodded.

"So…they don't have to go to actual school? They just dance all day?"

"Pretty much." Brittany laughed, already knowing where this was going.

"Can I-"

"No." She interrupted, placing her hand on his head and tilting it up so he was looking at her properly. "We've talked about this. You have to finish school."

Jesus pouted, but nodded.

"Brittany, Kaleb." A tall man in a muscle shirt and tights came practically skipping out of the elevators to their right. "You're here!" He said excitedly. When he reached them he pulled Kaleb into a hug, then Brittany, then reached for Jesus and faltered. "Wow, the instructors at your studio keep getting younger and younger."

Jesus giggled.

"No, this is my son, Jesus."

"Aha." The man nodded, smiling at Jesus. "But of course, looks just like your beautiful wife."

Brittany loved that Jesus looked proud at that compliment.

"Nice to meet you Jesus. I'm Warren."

"Hi."

"He loves dance, so I thought he'd enjoy this. Is that okay?"

Warren rolled his eyes ."Of course. He'll fit right in." He pushed the button for the elevator. "Do you dance, or just love it?"

"I dance. I was in classes all summer with my brothers and sister. And my mum-"

"Of course. I'm sure she dances with you all the time."

Jesus nodded.

"Raising a troupe out there Pierce?"

"Trying my best."

The elevator dinged open and they all piled in.

"So, did you have a chance to look through the itinerary we sent you?" Kaleb asked.

"Oh yeah." Warren nodded, laughing. "I mean…god's speed."

"What?"

"Look, I love my kids, but…they're kids. Oldest of the bunch is fifteen, and these kids haven't really been through the normal school structure so…getting them to stick to an itinerary like that will be….fun." He grinned cheekily.

"But…." Kaleb frowned at Brittany. "Aren't they…professionals?"

"They're super professional." Warren led them out as the elevator opened, turning left down a corridor. "They work hard at all their routines, as hard as I've ever seen any adult work."

"But they're still kids." Jesus said.

"Exactly." Warren smiled at him. He slung his arm over Jesus shoulders and stopped in front of a door. "They're good kids, and you're going to have a great time with them, but just, don't expect to stick to that little schedule too closely okay?"

He pushed the door open before either Brittany or Kaleb could respond.


It took several minutes for the class to calm down enough for Brittany and Kaleb to address them, immediately proving that Warren was right. Their schedule for the week was overly optimistic. They would have to revise it tonight.

It was lucky though, that Brittany had insisted today be a light day, with them just getting to know the kids. When Warren managed to get them all sitting silently and listening, Brittany and Kaleb stood in front of them.

"I'm glad you guys are all so excited, it means we're gonna have a great week." Kaleb said.

"You're here all week?" A girl asked.

"Yeah, thanks to me." Warren called from the side. "So you all better be super nice to me all month."

They all laughed.

"So, we have a lot planned for this week. Maybe too much actually." Brittany laughed. "But, for today, what do you guys say we just have some fun?"

The class cheered.

"Brittany and I want to see what you guys can do. So, why don't we start with a few performances. Any routines you guys know-"

The kids responded almost immediately, which startled Brittany. She was used to adults, who waited for instruction before doing anything. It was refreshing though, and exactly why she'd agreed to do this. Kids were easy. All they cared about was the love of dance. They weren't embarrassed to seem eager. They weren't looking at everyone in the room as their competition, always wanting to outdo them. They just wanted to dance. Brittany missed this kind of energy. It was what she tried to foster with her convention, and she was lucky, because since Syth took over as hip-hop, jazz and contemporary director, the environment at the studio had been pretty friendly.

But it was not this.

"Can be solos, duets, group performances, anything." She called as she watched them talking excitedly, tring to pick partners and decide what to do.

"Wanna go hang out with the other kids buddy?"

There was no response. Looking to her left, she realised Jesus wasn't standing next to Warren anymore. She panicked for a split second, until she heard him laughing at the back of the room.

"Looks like he's right at home." Kaleb chuckled,

"Yeah he's never been shy."

"So…look I know you and Santana are all over it, but….there's more than one way to get to where we are."

Brittany turned her head, frowning. "You think I should let him drop out of school?"

"No." Kaleb shook his head. "Of course not-"

"You think Santana and I don't know he hates school?"

"No I know-"

"You think I didn't hate school?" Brittany turned her whole body, crossing her arms over her chest and lowering her voice. "I was exactly where Jesus is right now. I know exactly why he wants to drop out, and it's not because he wants to start booking dancing gigs."

Kalen held his hand up. "Peace." He said quickly. "I didn't mean…Like I said, I know you and Santana are all over it."

"Yeah we are."

"Alright…forget I said anything."

Nodding, Brittany turned back to the kids. She was a little sorry that she'd snapped at Kaleb like that, especially since she knew he wasn't trying to offend her. But she hated the implication that she was forcing Jesus to suffer in school, as if she didn't understand what he was going through. Like she was overlooking what her son needed. She understood Jesus' situation better than anyone else ever could. She'd lived it. And she was forever grateful that her parents, and Santana unknowingly, had convinced her to stay in school. There was no way of knowing what her career would have looked like if she'd gone off to LA after freshman year like she'd planned, but going to high school gave her other option, if her dancing dream didn't work out. If she got injured, which happens all the time, or if she simply never got the big break. It also gave her opportunities, like the one at the studio she worked at that allowed her to elevate her career, since the position she'd gotten required a high school diploma.

All of the kids in this room had the same dream. They didn't know it yet, but they were in competition for the same jobs. The same scarce jobs. Many of them would never get to where they wanted to go. Were they better positioned than other kids to break into the dancing world, absolutely, and if she thought Jesus was actually serious about dance, maybe she would consider taking him to a school like this. But he wasn't. And he wasn't that serious about music either. It was just what he enjoyed to do in his spare time. It was more fun than school. Plus, she reasoned, if they didn't take Kyler to an exclusively sports focused school, or pull him out of school so he can train every day, she didn't see why Jesus should.

So she didn't like the insinuation that she wasn't doing what was best for her son.

"Ready?" She asked, when the kids seemed to have organised themselves. They nodded. "Okay let's see it. Who's going first?"


Santana got back to the studio at close to half past three. That gave her just an hour and a half to get as much done as possible until she had to go pick Kyler. She therefore didn't waste any time when she walked into the studio. She found Jade in one of the practice rooms, and Malek in the break room, and dragged them both into the studio.

"Hello to you too." Jade laughed.

"Yeah hi, how are you." Santana waved her hand. "I had a song in my head, begging to come out, but I got distracted this morning, and now….it's gone."

Jade sat on one of the chairs.

"Didn't you record it?"

"Yeah a bit of the chorus…a partial melody maybe, but no lyrics. And I didn't write them all down."

"Why not?" Malek asked.

"I was a bit focused on the instruments." Santana said, throwing her hands up. "I'd been expecting to be here all day. Whatever, HELP ME!"

Laughing, Jade walked to the corner and picked the guitar.

"Un-bunch your nickers babe. Play us what you recorded, we'll figure it out."

So Santana sat in the chair she'd occupied all morning, queued up her recording and pressed play. The entire time it played, Jade had her eyes closed, and when it finished she nodded, which Santana took to mean she wanted to hear it again. It played four times, with no one saying a word. On the fifth play, Jade finally opened her eyes, positioned her guitar and began to play along. First she played the melody Santana had hummed, then she played different chords, trying to see what would sound best with the chorus. At the end she grinned up at Santana.

"I love it."

"Really?" Santana exhaled.

"It's simple but…simple enough to give me room to play around with it. It can be melancholic or energetic depending on how you sing it."

"Yeah it definitely has the potential to be something really dynamic." Malek said, rubbing his chin. "It could build…" he stopped. "Before we get ahead of ourselves, we have to ask the most important question."

Santana raised a questioning eyebrow.

"What's it about?"

Something sunk low in Santana's stomach. She'd been expecting him to ask what the lyrics were, to which she was prepared to say she didn't remember. And while the lyrics and what the song were about weren't separate things, they were different. Lyrics could be metaphors. Lyrics could describe something without out-right stating what they were about. In fact that was how Santana preferred to write. Leaving the lyrics open to as much interpretation as possible so people could relate. But Malek had put her on the spot, asking what the song was about. And it wasn't the question that had anxiety coiling in her stomach, it was the answer.

She hadn't realised it while writing earlier, but an image had popped into her head at Malek's question, of a small Latina girl, maybe seven or eight, sitting on her grandmother's lap as she straightened her hair. How grateful that little girl had felt to have a grandmother who knew how to make her look beautiful. How loved. Now, all Santana felt was resentment.

"Santana?"

She blinked.

"Um…you know when you….you love someone….but….you realise that you hate loving them? Like…you hate how it feels to love them, and how it feels when they love you…and….you just hate it all…?"

"Sure." Jade nodded. "Olivia O'brien and Gnash said it best."

Santana frowned, brought out of her thoughts temporarily in her confusion.

Jade cleared her throat dramatically and sang. "I hate you, I love you, I hate that I love, don't want to but I can't put, nobody else above you…"

"Oh." Santana nodded, looking down at her lap. "Right."

"Was that like….when you and Britt were broken up?"

Santana couldn't bring herself to answer. There was never a point when she hated Brittany. She hated herself, for being stupid enough to break up with her, she hated Sam, she hated Lima, Louisville and then MIT, but never Brittany. Still a part of her wanted Jade to assume the song was about Brittany, that way she didn't have to think too hard about what it was actually about.

"That was a hard time." She said, nodding.

"Mmhh, well I love it." Malek said, dropping his hand onto Santana's shoulder. "Is that the theme of the whole album?"

Santana cringed. She really hoped not.

"I don't know yet. I think I need to start working on a few more songs before I can say for sure."

"Fair, but I don't need to tell you why it's important to know the direction of the album as you write the songs."

"To make sure it's coherent, I know. Don't worry."

"Let's listen again and try work out the lyrics." Jade rolled her chair closer to the mixing console. "You said you wrote some down?"

Silent, Santana got out her notebook and flipped to the page she'd been writing on earlier, hoping like hell that she wouldn't be picturing little seven year old Santana the entire time.


Unfortunately for Santana, it seemed that getting her abuela out of her head wasn't as easy as getting her in. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't stop drawing parallels between the lyrics she was writing and her feelings towards her abuela. It was infuriating.

It was also embarrassing, because of course, the more she was forced to think of her abuela, and her childhood spent idolizing her, the closer she got to tears, until finally, she felt them staining her cheeks.

She stopped singing, slowly bringing a hand up to wipe the stray tears. Jade stopped playing, leaning forward. Santana refused to look her in the eye.

"Are you okay?" Jade asked quietly, but Santana could hear the concern loud and clear. She was pretty sure Jade had never even seen her cry before, so she could only imagine the thoughts she was having.

The loud ringing of an alarm made them all jump. Santana stood up quickly, forcing Jade to drop the hand that had been perched on her thigh. She took her phone out of her purse and switched off the alarm.

"Time to pick Kyler." She said, her voice thick.

"For the best." Malek said, standing as well. "I think you need a break."

Not looking at either of them, Santana nodded. She slung her purse over her shoulder and stood awkwardly at the door, not really sure what to say.

"Call me later alright?" Jade said. "We can chat if you want."

"Sure."

Feeling like that was a good enough goodbye, Santana pulled open the door and left.


She saw Kyler before she'd even pulled up to the front of the school. He was sitting on the grass with three other boys that she thought kind of looked familiar but wouldn't be able to name. When she got to the pick-up point, she stopped and switched off the car. One of the things she loved about Kyler's after school swimming training was not having to be a part of the conveyer belt that was after-school pick up. With all the parents wanting to be in and out as fast as possible, the whole scene was just a mess of running kids, shouting parents and blaring horns. Coming at 5 meant only having to contend with maybe only 40 other parents, and when at least a dozen of them were in a carpool system, Santana could always take as long as she wanted in the pick-up zone.

Getting to see how her kids acted when they didn't know she was around was one of her favourite things. She'd found out that Sophia's bossy attitude extended to her friends as well, that Jesus was pretty loose with the word stupid, that Mateo was a rough play mate, and that Kyler was actually a pretty quiet kid. Not in a shy way, but in an observe and process kind of way. Even now, she could see him laughing with the other boys, but saw him speak only once whereas the others were talking over each other.

Eventually Kyler spotted her. He waved excitedly, grabbed his bag and jumped up. Santana quickly checked her appearance in the rear view mirror. Her eyes were still just red enough to show that something had been wrong, but that couldn't be helped.

Kyler pulled the door open.

"Mami!" he said loudly as he climbed in. "There was a fight today."

"What?" Santana said, trying to sound interested. She glanced behind quickly to make sure he was putting on his seatbelt and then switched on the car. "Who was fighting?"

"The eighth graders."

"Why were they fighting?"

"It all started on Friday. This boy called Ai- wait actually it started last Wednesday when this boy called Shanu teased a boy called Aiden about being from a farm. He was making like pig noises and stuff in the cafeteria and telling him to go back to his farm."

"That's mean."

"So on Friday, Aiden came to school with a cup of rice and poured it all over Shanu's …like desk and everything, and he told him he should go back to Japan."

"What?" Santana glanced back again, this time genuinely shocked.

"Yeah. He said that at least he's from America, but Shanu doesn't even belong here cause he's Chinese."

"Are you serious?"

Santana tried to remember if when she was bullying kids in middle school she'd ever thought to target their race. She couldn't come up with a single instance where she had. There was Rory, who was first of all annoying, but second of all actually an Irish exchange student, not an Irish American. The fact that she and Quinn, the meanest kids in their school by far, had never even considered using someone's race as the basis of their insults was indicative of the very different worlds her kids were growing up in. Lima wasn't an accepting place, that much she couldn't argue, but racism wasn't ever prevalent in her school. Unless you counted Mr Shue's joke of a Spanish class. Santana could definitely make the argument that the experience had felt like racism.

"Yeah!" Kyler said, giggling. "And they were going to fight, but then lunch was over and Shanu's dad came for him like immediately school finished. So he told Aiden that he'd get him on Monday. AND HE DID" he shrieked.

"He really waited all weekend to fight Aiden?"

"Yeah" Kyler giggled again. "But Aiden beat him so bad. He punched him right in the nose and he started bleeding and ev-" Kyler, who apparently had not put on his seatbelt, leaned forward to see Santana's face, and stopped.

She turned to look at him quickly, not wanting to take her eyes off the road for too long.

"Amor" she snapped. "What are you-"

Kyler gently brushed his hand over her cheek, frowning heavily. Not expecting the gesture, Santana stumbled over her words, blinking in confusion. It wasn't until she had to break as the car in front of her stopped suddenly and Kyler was propelled forward before catching himself that she was snapped out of it.

"Kyler put on your seatbelt. What are you doing?"

Silently, Kyler slid back in his seat until his back was against it. He clipped his seatbelt in.

"Thank you."

"Mami?"

Santana turned to look at him.

"Are you sad?"

"Wh…Why would…what makes you ask that?

"Your eyes look red like after I've been crying." He said quietly.

Santana faced forward, wringing the steering wheel in her hands. She tried not to lie to her kids as much as possible, so that they never felt they could do the same to her. As uncomfortable as Kyler's question was, it was a straightforward one that she couldn't lie to him about. She couldn't justify lying in this scenario, because it wouldn't be for his sake, but for her own. As the car in front of her started moving again, she lightly tapped her finger on the steering wheel and sighed.

"Yeah love." She said just loud enough for him to hear. "Yeah, I'm a little sad today."

"How come?"

"I…" She looked at him through the rear view to see him wringing his fingers together. Their eyes connected and she saw the worry in his. At this point she knew that not answering would only make him worry more. "Well…sometimes when I write songs it makes me think about things that have happened in my life." She glanced back to see him nodding. "Some of those things are sad."

"And they made you cry?"

Biting the inside of her cheek against the instinct to lie, Santana nodded.

"Oh…"

"But don't worry okay? Sometimes we just feel a little sad, but I'll be okay."

"If mama was here, would you still be sad?"

Santana frowned.

"That's an odd question to ask buddy."

She saw him shrug thought the rear view.

"Sometimes if I'm sad, Jesus makes me feel better. Even if I'm really, really sad and I don't even want to talk to him. That's why Jesus is my best friend. Mama is your best friend right?"

Santana couldn't help but smile.

"Yeah…"

"So….she'd be able to make you feel better."

She wasn't sure how to answer. Kyler's logic made sense in a basic sense, but she wasn't exactly sure he was right. If Brittany were here she'd be forced to actually talk about what was making her feel so down. She'd have to open up all the wounds that were just slightly bleeding from her scratching the surface in the studio and that would definitely feel worse. It didn't feel like something she'd be able to get over in a few hours, meaning she'd be a crying emotional mess for a week, maybe more. Maybe for the entire duration of her song writing, which was months. But she couldn't say that for certain. It was also possible that Brittany would say or do just the right thing and have her feeling better by dinner.

"Don't worry about me Mijo. I'll be okay. I just need to go home and rest."

"Okay"

Ten minutes from their house, Kyler unbuckled his seat belt, sliding up to hug Santana from behind. He snuck his hands round her chair and wrapped them around her neck.

"Kyler!"

"Mami" He said sweetly.

"What are you doing?"

"Can we go to the store?"

"Why?"

"I need to buy some things."

"Seatbelt on."

Santana felt his hands slide off her. She didn't speak until she heard the click of the belt.

"You just need to buy some things?" Glancing up to see him nod she shook her head. "What things?"

"Special things."

That got her laughing.

"Please I can't tell you, but please." They stopped at another light. The last before their house. Santana turned fully in her seat to look at Kyler properly. "Please trust me."

Santana couldn't believe herself, but when the light turned green she turned right rather than continuing straight to their house.

"Thank you" Kyler said. She could hear the relief in his voice.

"You better not buy like…cigarettes or something. Mama will kill me." Kyler giggled as they pulled up at a 7eleven. "Is this okay?"

"Yes."

He unclipped his belt and leaned over the center console, holding out his hand.

"What?"

"I need your credit card."

"Oh you don't have your own money?" Santana bent down to pick her bag from under the passenger seat. "How can you use my money to buy things you won't even tell me about?"

"You'll see later."

Kyler happily took her card, placing a kiss on her cheek before hopping out of the car.

"Stay here." He told her before shutting the door.

It took him twenty five minutes to buy what looked like two bags full of miscellaneous groceries and get back to the car. Santana timed him. He handed her the card after tucking the bags out of sight and then buckled his seat belt.

"Ready."

Santana decided to just go with the flow. It would be easier for her, given how little energy she had, not to engage in whatever antics Kyler was up to. As he'd said, she'd soon find out anyway.


When they got home Santana went straight upstairs. She was still feeling some residual sadness, and being unable to shirk it off in the presence of her son was worrying her. So rather than continue trying to force herself, which she knew Kyler would pick up on, she decided to take a shower. Hopefully washing away the stress of the day would help her get into her usual role as attentive mother.

Twenty minutes in Santana was feeling better. She forced herself to sing along to the music blasting from the IPad by the sink until the music and the lyrics lifted her spirits. Soon enough she found herself clutching her body wash bottle rapping as best she could along to J cole, actually giggling to herself when she messed up the words. By the time she was wrapping the towel around herself, wiping the fogged up mirror so she could blow dry her hair, she felt a million times lighter than when she walked in.

She was getting to the last section of her hair when she paused, blow drier blowing hot hair onto her face. A few seconds later she pulled it away from her face, squinting her eyes.

"Come in!" She yelled, finally picking up what Kyler was saying and switching off the blow drier. The bathroom door opened to reveal Kyler in a basketball shirt, his underwear and socks pulled up to his knees. Santana raised an amused eyebrow, but didn't question it. She'd been told enough times by Puck that it was only normal for boys to be half naked most of the time. Today was even better than usual; He was wearing a shirt.

"What's up?"

"You're taking a long time"

"Oh I'm sorry. I didn't know you were waiting for me."

Kyler shifted onto one foot, his other one propped on the side of the other's calf. He lost balance briefly, but with flailing arms managed to regain it.

"I…When…" He exhaled heavily, confusing Santana. "Are you almost done?"

"Yeah" she nodded. "Just need to finish this part" she ran the blow drier through her hair, "and then get dressed."

"Okay, just hurry up."

He turned and left, closing the door behind him.

Santana stared after him, eyebrows raised.

"Yes sir."


Now utterly curious about what Kyler was so anxious for her to see, Santana rushed through getting dressed. She slapped on some lotion, put on some sweats and a vest and practically ran down the stairs.

"Ky" She called out as she walked down the short corridor to the living room.

"In here" she heard called back. It was muffled, like he was under a blanket or covering his mouth, which made her even more curious. So she sped up her steps.

When she emerged into the space between the kitchen and living room, she slowed to a stop. All the couches were stripped of their cushions and it was clear why. The couch directly to the right of the stairs to the living room, which was the one they always jumped on to when they were coming from the kitchen and were too lazy to go all the way to the stairs, had been transformed into a fort. The L part of the couch seemed to be the entrance, and Kyler had made it so that you crawled through it like a tunnel into the larger part of the couch, which had sheets for a roof and the couch cushions for walls.

Kyler's head pocked out of the entrance, looking at her with a huge smile.

"Come in."

Walking slowly, Santana made her way down the stairs and crawled into the fort. Inside, he had his IPad, Santana's Bluetooth speaker and a tray of food. Twizzlers, MnM's, chocolate covered biscuits, chocolate covered strawberries, the spicy Doritos that Santana loved but Brittany hated, and salty and sweet microwave popcorn.

"Amor?" She breathed. "Is this what you went to buy?"

Kyler nodded. He crossed his legs, gripping his ankles in each hand and ricking back and forth.

"When you and mama make us go to bed you sit together and watch movies, and mama told me one time that it's the best when you get to eat nice snacks too, that's why she bought all that cheese one time. I thought since mama wasn't here, you and me could do that."

Santana couldn't breathe. She was sure if she tried, tears would fall very ungracefully from her eyes, and that was the last thing she wanted to happen. So she held her breath and swallowed the lump in her throat.

"And I built the fort so that it's like we're in our own world, and all the sad things you were thinking about today can't get you."

It was no use. Despite her best efforts, the tears forced their way out. She saw and registered the alarm in Kyler's eyes, so she crawled quickly to him and pulled him into a hug.

"Thank you" She choked out.

"Why are you crying?"

"I'm…You make me so happy, and sometimes I just can't handle it, so it comes out as tears."

"Happy tears? He asked, clearly confused.

"Happy tears" she assured.

Kyler pulled out of the hug to look into her eyes.

"Are you sure."

"Very. This is all very sweet honey, and my proud mami heart is just overflowing with all of the love and happiness you give me."

Kyler reached out and wiped her tears.

"Don't cry. I want to make you laugh."

"Okay" Santana sniffed. "So how are we going to watch if we're inside this very awesome fort? We can't see the tv."

He picked up the IPad.

"On this. We're going to start with try not to laugh videos on YouTube first."

"Sounds like a plan."

They got comfortable, lying on their backs next to each other with the platter of snack between them.

"Ready?" Kyler asked.

"Ready."

They watched two hours worth of compilations before Santana convinced Kyler to change to a movie. He refused all of her suggestions.

"You pick then" She finally said.

"But it's supposed to be you."

"No honey, I promise it's okay. I want you to pick."

"Okay. What was a movie you and mama always liked watching when you were kids?"

Santana tried to remember. She and Brittany usually watched series together when they were younger, none of which were suitable to be watched by a ten year old.

"Hmm"

Unable to think of anything, Santana decided to search what movies were popular during her teenage years.

"Oh!" she said, as Kyler was scrolling. "Hunger games."

"Is it good?"

"Very. You'll love it baby."

"Okay" Kyler shrugged. He took the IPad from her once she'd cued it up, propped it on a pillow so it was slightly elevated, then changed positions so that he was lying on Santana's stomach. "If it's not good mami I get to eat ice cream for dinner."

"HA" Santana barked. "Alright. I'm so sure you'll like it'll take that bet. But you have to be honest if you like it."

"Okay"

They held out their pinkies at the same time, making them both giggle, then wrapped them around each other and kissed their thumbs.


Kyler enjoyed the movie so much he made Santana re-watch the entire section when they were in the games again as soon as it ended. When they finally came out of their fort to get the food Santana had ordered for dinner, he talked non-stop about his favourite scenes, characters and deaths. Santana had to agree to sit on the toilet while he was bathing so he could keep talking about it, and when it was finally time for bed, she only got him to calm down by promising she would hire a projector and let him invite some friends after his game on Saturday so they could watch it on the biggest screen possible.

Leaving him in bed, Santana went to the fort and took pictures of their nearly completely finished food board and the fort, sending them to Brittany. Brittany called back immediately.

"Hey" Santana answered, chuckling.

"You guys made a fort? So jealous."

"Ky made it all on his own. You taught him well."

"That's my boy. What was the occasion?"

Santana shrugged. "He's my sweet boy, that's what."

"Aaw. Cute. I miss you guys."

"We miss you too. How was day one in LA?"

"Mateo fought with Nathan over one of his trucks. Both of them cried for what felt like a lifetime. Other than that, great."

"Oh no" Santana laughed. "Not good at sharing his toys huh? He's such a last born."

"Yeah not a good big brother in the making."

Santana actually rolled her eyes, which took her back. Truth be told she was really getting sick of Brittany's constant references to having another child, or babies in general really. She wished she'd just come out with it already. But still, she frowned at herself as Brittany continued talking, wondering where her aggression was coming from. Brittany didn't seem to notice, but she didn't like the idea that her mood was carrying over into her interactions with Brittany. Before it could happen again, she faked a yawn, making it loud enough for Brittany to hear.

"Did you have a long day at the studio?"

"Yeah" Santana sighed as her thoughts returned to her complete failure of a day. "Yeah, it was something."

"Was it nice getting back into it though?"

"I don't know…Maybe I'm rusty."

"Mhhh. I find that hard to believe, but yeah, it could take a few days to fall back into it."

"Yeah…I…I'm sorry babe but I'm really tired. Can we talk tomorrow?"

"Yeah. Get some rest. Is Ky sleeping already or can we-"

"Of course." Santana walked back to Kyler's room. "Amor?" He sat up to look at her. "Mama wants to talk to you." She'd barely finished her sentence before he was launching himself out of bed and towards her. He snatched the phone from her, hastily shoving it against his ear. "Bring me my phone when you're done." He nodded, already talking to Brittany.

Santana went back to her room and climbed into bed. Her frustration and anger, which Kyler had so expertly chased away were slowly creeping back to the surface.

Then there was the one thing she was trying hard to pretend wasn't dominating her thoughts. Her abuela. She hadn't thought about her in almost a year. Her parents had once again passed on the message that she wanted Santana to come to the family Christmas dinner, Santana had told them the same thing she said every year; If her abuela was not going to recognize that what she and Brittany had was real and worth respecting, she was not going to let her back into their lives. She didn't want any half measures or 'tolerance'. She wanted her abuela to say she was happy for her and congratulate her on finding such a beautiful soul to spend the rest of her life with. Anything less was unacceptable in her book.

But now, thanks to that stupid song, she was thinking about her abuela again. She was almost missing her, which was frightening. She thought she'd moved on from this. She'd accepted that she was never going to get her grandmother back, for real this time, and made peace with that fact. In fact she whole-heartedly believed it was for the best. But now she could see that the emotion behind this album was her feelings towards her abuela, and that did not bode well for Santana at all.

It had her significantly less excited to be back in the studio, and wishing she'd listened to Brittany about confronting her abuela on how horrible she'd been to her for her entire childhood. At the time, she'd believed there was no need to rehash the past. No need to call her abuela out when Santana wholeheartedly felt she'd been doing it out of love, not ill-intent, and it didn't matter anyway because her grandmother wasn't and would never be in her life. But it seemed everything was going to come out sooner or later, and later had finally arrived.