Santana was beginning to resent the music studio. She was beginning to hate the sound proofed walls and the mixing table, and the office chair that spun round and round. She was sick of it all.

"Not in there." She said, grabbing Malek's arm. "I can't spend another fucking day in there?"

"What happened to not cursing?"

"My entire family is in Lima, wearing matching outfits and making snowmen, and I'm here with you."

"Ouch." Malek clutched his chest.

Santana smiled, smacking him. "I'd rather be with you than most others right now."

"Why?"

"Because my two best friends can't mind their own fucking business." She scowled, beginning to walk to the elevators.

"They're not supportive of your staying here are they?"

"They don't like you all too much." Santana said, pushing the down button.

"I'm sure I make a good villain for their stories."

Laughing, Santana turned to him.

"Ah so you're aware that you're ruining my life."

"It's my daily mission. I wake up and make a list of all the ways I can ruin your life."

"Aha." She chuckled, walking into the now open elevator.

"Top of that list, I have, 'make a record breaking album'."

"Every hero needs a villain." Santana said, pushing the button for her office floor.

"No." Malek pressed ground floor. "Let's get some fresh air."

Santana couldn't say she wanted to work in her office either, so she didn't protest. Getting some air would do her some good.


They walked slowly down the street, for the first time in weeks talking about something other than the album. Most shops had already put up the Christmas decorations, but there were a few doing them at the last minute. Santana slowed down, watching an old man attempting to decorate the tree in the window of his store. He couldn't have been younger than seventy, and Santana couldn't help smiling as he struggled to reach around the tree to drape the tinsel. He seemed to be singing, but whether music was playing or he was just singing to himself, Santana couldn't be sure.

Brittany would have loved that.

Making up her mind, Santana strode purposely across the street, ignoring Malek's question of where she was going. She walked into the store, immediately smelling fresh baked bread and cinnamon. Santa Clause is coming to town was playing.

"Good morning." The old man said, abandoning his tinsel and walking towards them. He was wearing a red apron with little ginger bread men all over it. Santana smiled.

"I like your apron." She said.

"Thank you." He looked down at it proudly. "My granddaughter gave it to me last week."

"Oh sweet." Malek said. "She has good taste."

"Oh yes." He nodded. "She also picked out all the decorations for the store." He gestured to the shop, but all Santana could see were a few Christmas wreaths hanging on the walls. "I uh…" He cleared his throat, "I haven't had the chance to put them all up yet."

"How old is she?" Santana asked.

"Eight. Just turned eight. I promised her I'd have the store decorated by the time she got off school today, but I forgot I let everyone off for the holidays so I'd have to do it alone."

"Oh." Santana looked around again, spotting three boxes of decorations in the corner by the window.

"Anyway, you young people didn't come in here to hear about my decorations. What can I get you?"

Malek turned to Santana, raising his eyebrows.

"Do you have gingerbread cookies?" She asked.

"Of course." The old man said happily, moving to the pastry display.

"Well." Santana said, taking off the scarf around her neck. "Give me a dozen and I'll help you decorate your store."

The old man's eyes widened.

"Really?"

"Really?" Malek asked, sounding skeptical.

"I'm sure you have better things to do-"

"I don't." Santana cut off the old man. "I didn't get your name sir."

"Jonathan" He said, beaming at her.

"Nice to meet you Jonathan. I'm Santana." She shook his hand. "And this is Malek."

"And you're going to help decorate my store?"

"Yes."

"For free?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.

"For the price of a dozen-"

"Gingerbread cookies." He laughed. "Well alright Santana and Malek. "You have yourselves a deal."


Jonathan sweetened the deal by giving them both hot chocolate, and allowing Santana to pick the music. So for nearly two hours they sang along to Mariah Carrey, and hung ornaments on the tree. Santana learned that Malek wasn't a perfectionist just in the studio. He spent most of the time re-doing what Santana or Jonathan did, because it "just wasn't right", which was part of why it took so long. He criticized her choice in colours for the tinsel, or acted as though putting a red ornament next to another red ornament was some kind of crime against humanity. She and Jonathan had a lot of fun messing with him.

"This is a good one don't you think?" Jonathan asked, holding up a candy cane.

"Oh yeah." Santana nodded, biting her lip to keep from laughing. "Put it here."

"Wait, wait." Malek snatched the candy cane from Jonathan, frowning at them both. "You can't be serious."

"Why not?"

"Because there's a theme! You can't put a candy cane there."

"Why not?" Santana asked, slyly glancing at Jonathan, who was grinning.

"Because there's already a candy cane there!" He pointed aggressively at the striped candy cane.

"So they'll keep each other company." Jonathan said.

Santana couldn't hold back. She burst out laughing at the look of indignation on Malek's face.

"Why don't you two move on to something else instead of ruining my tree."

"His tree." Jonathan scoffed. Santana shrugged.

They took a short break, to eat the cookies and finish their hot chocolate, and Jonathan told her about his family. He and his wife, Abby, had three kids, the youngest of whom was older than Santana.

"My oldest is a lawyer." Jonathan said proudly. "In LA."

"Oh wow. He must be doing well for himself."

Jonathan nodded. "That's right. We're very proud of him, but he isn't married."

"You say that like it's a bad thing." Santana said. "Some people just don't want to be married."

"Yes well, I'm old school."

"Okay." Santana laughed.

"I know you young folk, you have big dreams and you chase those dreams….but in the end I think it's better to have someone by your side."

"Yeah, I'd have to agree with you on that."

"Are you married?"

"Yes." Santana smiled.

"Oh no! I'll put this here instead!" Malek said loudly, clapping his hands. Santana and Jonathan looked at him. He was so concentrated on his decorating that he didn't even notice them. Santana shook her head and turned back to Jonathan.

"Well good." Jonathan said.

"Sorry?"

"It's good you're married. A beautiful woman like you, I should have known."

"Aaw thank you."

"Are you happy?"

"Very."

Jonathan nodded. "I can tell."

Santana smiled. "So what about your other kids?"

"Two girls. One helps me out here in the bakery. She keeps the books…accounting and management, and she's not a half bad pastry chef either if I do say so myself."

"Of course." Santana chuckled.

"She's Angel's mother. My granddaughter who I am decorating the store for…"

"Ahaaa" Santana nodded.

"Yes. Angel comes by the store a lot as you can imagine. So, she is invested."

"Good for her."

"Her brother not so much."

"Oh on?" Santana drained the rest of the hot chocolate and set her cup down.

"No. But then, he's only three."

"Oh." Santana clicked her tongue.

Jonathan chuckled. "And my last born, she's a high school teacher."

"Wow." Santana said, genuinely impressed. "I have the most respect for her."

"Indeed." Jonathan nodded. "High school kids are not the easiest."

"You're too kind. High school kids are the worst!"

"Ohh they're just…figuring life out."

"Sure." Santana laughed, standing up. "Come on let's get to decorating the rest of the store."

They ended up attracting a lot of customers. Santana didn't tell Jonathan that it was because she was famous, but after a few customers came in and saw her there, putting up decorations, it wasn't long before there were dozens of people in the store, and a line outside. Santana didn't have the heart to leave after that, when Jonathan was so happy with the amount of business he was getting, so she stayed and helped him serve them all. She chatted with them cheerfully, but declined to sign autographs or take pictures. She knew the media would spin it into a story about how she'd done charity or something like that, and that wasn't what she was doing at all. In fact she was doing it for selfish reason.

She had a good day, even though it wasn't how she'd planned to spend it. She hadn't gotten any writing done, but she wasn't feeling so depressed about Brittany and the kids leaving for Lima without her anymore. She couldn't be there with them, but doing what she'd done today, spending the day helping a kind old man, was exactly the kind of thing Brittany would have done. She would say that was the spirit of Christmas. It made Santana feel closer to Brittany, and in that moment she decided to do one Christmas-y thing like this a day. She couldn't wait to tell Brittany all about it.


Brittany sat on her front steps with her dad, a steaming hot cup of hot chocolate in her gloved hands, a wooly hat pulled right down to her eyebrows, and a scarf wrapped tightly around her neck. She was freezing.

"This is why you need to come home more honey-B"

"This is why I don't!" Brittany said through clenched teeth.

Pierce rubbed her back sympathetically. "Why don't you go inside?"

"I want to watch this." She pointed at the sight before them. Sophia, Mateo, Kyler and Jesús having a snowball fight.

"A snowball fight?" Pierce asked.

"Yes. They don't play together like this often, especially Sophia. And we don't get snow in San Jose so…"

"Ah." Pierce nodded. "Would you like a blanket?"

"No I'm okay."

"Okay." He removed his hand from her back and picked his own cup of hot chocolate which he'd set down between them. "How is Santana doing?"

Brittany clenched her jaw.

"Working…so she says."

"So she says?" Pierce frowned. "What does that-"

"Nothing." Brittany took a deep breath. "Sorry I didn't mean that. She's working."

"Brittany."

She felt her shoulders sag, knowing her dad wasn't going to let it go.

"Brittany."

"I just…I'm being supportive."

"You're going to have to fill me in a little bit honey."

She set her cup down and rubbed her hands together.

"I guess I'm having a hard time with her decision to stay back."

"Mmhh" Pierce hummed. "I'm sure she's not thrilled about it either dear."

"I know that! But it makes it hard for me to know that when she's all over social media decorating a cute old man's bakery."

Pierce frowned again. "What?"

Rather than explain, which she knew would just upset her all over again, Brittany took out her phone and showed him the pictures.

"Was it for charity?"

"No."

"Does she know him?"

"She said no. She said she just saw him decorating his tree through the window and went to help."

"I see…" Pierce handed her back the phone. "Are you upset that she helped the old man, or that she and Malek helped the old man?"

Brittany's head snapped towards him, her eyes wide.

"Why would you-"

"I know you Brittany, and I know you're not upset that Santana is happy. You don't seem to like this man too much."

"What makes you say that?" Brittany faced forward again, watching her kids.

"The way you say his name" Pierce laughed.

Brittany sighed. "It's not that I don't like him…I just…"

"I wouldn't like him either if people were speculating your mother was having an affair with him."

"That's new." Brittany said, repocketing her phone. "Started yesterday. They're trying to figure out who he is."

"And she's with him instead of you."

"Mama, Poppy did you see I hit Niki in the head!"

"I saw-"

"I'm going to get him back Poppy!"

"You get him champ!" Pierce encouraged loudly, as Mateo gathered a pile of snow.

"She's working." Brittany said after a moment of silence. "I shouldn't have said what I said. She would be here if she could, and I'm being supportive."

Pierce wrapped his arm around her shoulders, pulling her into his sides. He kissed her temple.

"Okay honey."


Later that night, Brittany sat in the bedroom of her hotel room, with a pen and paper, writing down all the activities that she could do once Santana arrived. There were things like the neighborhood drive-thrus where they could drive around and just look at the awesome lights and decorations. Sometimes, in the more popular ones, there would be snacks and games set up nearby. That was something that could wait till Santana got here. Taking the kids sledding, and ice-skating could also wait. But then there were things like going to see a nativity play the Christmas treasure hunt being held at the mall, or the candles and caroling night at the park. These were all scheduled beyond Brittany's control, and were happening before the twenty second. She really wanted to take her kids, to build up their excitement for Christmas and really make them feel the difference between Christmas in Lima and in San Jose. Their other traditions, like making a ginger bread house and home-made tree ornaments, were things they could do wherever they were. Brittany was trying to create unique and distinctive memories for them, specific to Lima, but she didn't want those memories to not include Santana. It was hard not to be angry that Santana wasn't there.

But she was being supportive.

Her phone rang, distracting her from her thoughts. She reached for it quickly, thinking it was Santana, but it was Kurt.

"Hey." She said, smiling. It had been a while since she'd talked to Kurt. He usually called Santana.

"Brittany Lopierce." He said animatedly. "A little birdie told me you're in Lima."

"I am yeah."

"And yet you've not come to see me."

"Are you here?"

"Of course! My dad would come drag me from New York himself if I didn't."

"Right." Brittany laughed. "Well then of course I want to see you Kurt."

"Excellent." She could hear his smile over the phone. "What are you doing right now?"

"Right now?" Brittany looked around. She wasn't doing anything, but she kind of just wanted to sit in her room, miss Santana and feel sorry for herself. "Uh...I'm at the hotel with the kids."

"Great. I'll be over in a bit. Same hotel as last time I presume."

Resigning herself to her fate, Brittany nodded. "Yup. Same hotel."

"Great. Make sure they know I'm coming this time will you?"

Brittany chuckled. "Sure Kurt."


When Kurt arrived he spent a few minutes engaging with the kids, indulging all their questions and listening to all their stories. Finally after half an hour they let him be, deciding to go into their room to play monopoly.

"An hour then it's time to shower." Brittany called as they ran off.

"Mama." Jesús skidded to a halt. "It's Christmas."

"It's not yet Christmas."

"It's Christmas holidays."

"Sooo." Brittany raised her eyebrows, waiting for whatever it was Jesús was going to ask for.

"So can we please not have a bedtime? Please!"

"No bedtime?" Brittany pretended to gasp. "You don't want to sleep?"

"No just not…at ten thirty."

"You want to stay awake past midnight."

"It's Christmas mama." He smiled sweetly. "Please?" he begged, with both hands clasped in front of him.

Brittany frowned, crossing her arms and pretending to think. She and Santana had already talked about it, and decided that they would let them stay up as long as they wanted while in Lima, to make the stay in Lima feel special, but they would wait for them to ask first, so they felt like it was their idea.

"I don't know…what about all the activities? Won't you be too tired to do them?"

"You can never be too tired to have fun." Jesús said, shaking his head.

"You can never be too tired to have fun." Brittany corrected. "As for your sister, she'll sleep all day."

"What if we promise not to sleep all day?" Sophia said suddenly, appearing out of nowhere.

Brittany's eyebrows rose high. She wouldn't care if they wanted to sleep. Getting to sleep all day was part of the joys of holidays. But she would let them believe that they'd succeeded in convincing her.

"Alright." She said, dropping her arms. "Only until we get back home, after that it's back to the normal schedule."

"YESSSS" They all cheered, running into the room.

"But you still need to shower!" She yelled.

"Okay." They called back.

She turned back to Kurt, who was grinning at her.

"That was cute." He said.

"Wine Kurt?"

"Of course." He took a seat on the couch as Brittany poured the wine. "I think I'm finally starting to get used to the idea of you as a mother."

"Wow." Brittany laughed, walking out of the small kitchen with two wine glasses. "Only took you six years."

"I guess I'll get it once I experience it myself."

"Wait!" Brittany froze, staring at Kurt. "Are you…are you and Blaine adopting?"

"Yeah." He said with a wide smile. "We applied like…a year…two years ago. They called us last week asking if we were still interested."

"Oh my god." Brittany put down her glass, moving to sit beside Kurt and hugged him fiercely. "Oh my god congratulations!"

"They said someone will drop them off next week, so we're going back to New York on Sunday."

"Oh just in time for Christmas."

"Yeah. My dad was a bit upset, but he understands."

"Of course. Oh my god this is so crazy." It was so fun for her that three of her close friends had dropped baby bombs on her within months of each other. She couldn't wait until was out in the open and she no longer had to keep all the baby excitement a secret. "Do you know if it's a boy or a girl?"

"Nope."

"How old are they?"

"Don't know." Kurt said. "We're supposed to get a call with all that information, but it hasn't come yet."

"It will." Brittany assured. Just like she had no idea what it was like to grow a baby in your stomach, to love a baby you had never met, waiting nine months to finally meet them, she had no experience with blind adoption. Both times she and Santana had basically been chosen by the baby. They'd been minding their own business, going about their lives, and then a tiny premature little boy had dropped into their lives, and they'd fought to keep them. Even with Sophia, they knew everything about her before she was theirs. Though she and Santana firmly believed that Sophia had always been theirs, she'd just taken a little longer than her brothers to find her way to them.

She'd come to learn just how lucky she and Santana had been. How rare it was for couples to fall in love with a baby and be able to adopt that specific baby. It usually didn't work like that, she'd realised. Usually, adoption was random, or through fostering, which also, you didn't get to choose the kid you fostered.

So having no idea what to even expect was something she couldn't entirely wrap her head around. Not even knowing how old they were was crazy to her, because preparing for a newborn was very different from a toddler, and very different from a preteen.

"What ages did you tick?" She asked.

"Newborn to five years old."

"Wow, good for you guys." She said seriously. "That's really amazing. Yay." She hugged him again. "I'm so excited for you."

"Yeah I think I am too. Freaking out but…excited."

"And Blaine?"

"He's freaking out more than me." Kurt laughed. "He keeps saying how our lives are completely going to change."

"They will." Brittany nodded.

"I know but it's kind of like marriage you know? Like taking our relationship to the next level."

"The ultimate level." Brittany laughed.

"Yeah. I really wants a girl. I think we'll be able to connect more with a girl."

"Why?"

"I don't know…If it's a boy, and not an infant, what if he's a sporty…you know athletic kind of boy? Blaine and I aren't like that."

"Please." Brittany scoffed. "Seriously Kurt, once you're a parent, it doesn't really matter who you are. Santana and I don't care one bit about sports, but we know all the teams and we watch all the games, because of Kyler. Your love for him will totally outweigh your own personal interests."

"I guess."

"Hey if I can hold a thirty minute conversation with Mateo about the rocks in our driveway, you can get used to sporty kid." She patted his knee.

"Oh my god." Kurt laughed. "Did that actually happen?"

"Oh yes." Brittany nodded, standing up and returning to her couch. "One day he noticed a black pebble. So he inspected the driveway for over an hour and came into the house with like fifteen rocks."

"Why?"

"Because they were all different colors."

Kurt shook his head.

"It was actually quite an interesting conversation. I know it's hard to believe but it really was."

Kurt sipped his wine. "I'll take your word for it."

"Wait…oh no." Brittany frowned.

"What?"

"I just realised you're going to miss Santana."

"Oh…" Kurt's face fell. "That's a shame."

"Yeah. She would have loved to see you."

"When does she arrive?"

"Tuesday."

Kurt's mouth dropped open. "You're kidding."

Brittany smiled sadly, shaking her head.

"Well that's classic Santana isn't it? Always ruining everyone's plans."

Brittany's laugh was hollow. She knew Kurt was joking, but with how she was trying not to be upset with Santana for not coming with them to Lima, she couldn't find the humor in it.

"Hey Britt…" Kurt ducked his head, looking right into her eyes. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah." She smiled, lifting her glass to her lips. "Fine."

Kurt nodded, still eying her with a worried frown. "We saw the article."

"Which article?" Brittany asked.

"On people?" Kurt said, like he couldn't believe she'd even asked that. "And TMZ, and Dlisted-"

"Okay." Brittany held up her hand. "I know the one you're talking about."

"You're not actually upset by it are you?"

"No." She stood up, placing her glass on the coffee table and walking to the kitchen. She pulled open the fridge, idly looking through its contents. "Are you hungry?"

"Brittany." Kurt stood as well. "Do you think Santana is cheating-"

"No." Brittany said instantly. "Of course not."

"Then what's wrong?"

She slammed the fridge door shut, facing Kurt.

"What's wrong is that everybody keeps asking me about that damn article like it means anything. It's not the first time Santana's been rumored to be having an affair. Hell when they were speculating it was with her literal ex-girlfriend nobody thought twice about it. So why now? Malek isn't special okay?"

Kurt frowned, walking into the kitchen.

"Malek?"

Shaking her head, Brittany turned back to the fridge, practically ripping it open.

"Are you hungry or not?"

After a moment of silence, in which Brittany was sure he was studying her intently, Kurt finally answered.

"Sure. I could eat."


Quinn's arrival the next day was bitter-sweet for Brittany. On the one hand, while she loved her parents, hanging out with them every day for three straight days was getting to be a bit much for her, so it was nice to have one of her friends around. On the other, Quinn was the most paranoid person she knew.

They met up for lunch at Brittany's hotel while the kids were with Stephen and Maribel, and no matter how hard Brittany tried, she couldn't get Quinn to stop asking her about Santana.

"I thought she was supposed to be so busy she had no time to even think."

"Quinn." Brittany sighed.

"I'm just saying, if she has time to volunteer to make freaking bread, she could have come to Lima."

"Is she supposed to spend every waking minute in the studio?" Brittany asked, swirling the straw in her lemonade slowly. "She doesn't need to lock herself up and be miserable all week."

"Okay fine." Quinn acquiesced. "But the photoshoot-"

"Oh come on." Brittany laughed. "Photoshoot? Now it's a photoshoot? You know as well as I do that Santana didn't plan to be pictured."

"But why was he there?" Quinn changed course.

"They're friends." Brittany shrugged. Though she had to admit, she was wondering the same thing. Why had Santana been walking down the street with Malek, just the two of them? Where was Jade? Why did the owner of the store seem to think they were married?

"Friends…right….You know I'm beginning to think Noah is right."

"About what?" She shoveled some quiche into her mouth.

"Malek might have a little crush on Santana."

Brittny sighed, rolling her eyes. She really did not need these kind of thoughts being put in her head. Not when she was still trying to figure out how she felt about Malek, and she was trying so hard to be supportive.

"Babe." Theo said, speaking for the first time in minutes. "Don't you think that's a bit presumptuous? I mean you've never met the guy."

"Brittany has."

"Brittany?" Theo asked. She raised an eyebrow, unable to speak as she chewed her food. "Do you think Malek has a crush on Santana?"

She took her time to chew, but shook her head.

"Oh please." Quinn scoffed. "You've met him and can't decide how you feel about him. That tells me all I need to know."

"No it doesn't." Brittany finally spoke. "I don't know how to feel about him because my feelings about him are wrapped up in my feelings about how much Santana has to work and how little I see her."

"And that's his fault." Quinn nodded. "He's monopolizing all her time."

"He's making her focus on her album. That's not a bad thing."

"He doesn't even let her answer the phone." Quinn said loudly. "I mean Brittany be serious, when was the last time you were unsure about someone and then months later, months, not days, you woke up and were like, 'ah you know what? I really like this person."

"It happens." Theo said with a shrug. "Maybe you need to spend more time with him. Invite him for lunch or something."

Brittany felt her insides curl at the idea of having Malek over for dinner in her house, with her kids.

"He's an arrogant piece of poop, I can tell you that and I don't need to have met him. Only an entitled butthole would presume to tell someone they can't leave until he gives them permission, like he controls her or something."

"Quinn." Theo took her hand, which was resting on the table. "Let's talk about something else okay?" Brittany saw him glance wearily at her.

Quinn sighed, but nodded.

"Fine, but I'm not done." She pointed her spoon at Brittany.

"Oh believe me, we know." Brittany muttered, taking another bite of her food. Before Quinn could respond, Brittany straightened her back and smiled. "Where are you with wedding planning?"

Quinn's entire demeanor changed. She happily went on and on about what she'd done so far, what she still needed to do, and what she'd need Brittany's help for. Brittany let her talk uninterrupted. She loved Quinn to death, but she could be such an instigator. It would be very easy for Brittany to take her seriously, but she had to keep reminding herself that when this had happened with Elaine, Quinn was convinced it was more than it was. Quinn had worked herself up for months, and in the end it had been nothing, just like Brittany and Santana had been telling her. This time was no different. She trusted Santana, and her judgement of character, so she couldn't let Quinn or Noah talk her into worrying about Malek.

The conversation did clear one thing up for her. Whether Malek did or didn't have a thing for Santana, Brittany could no longer deny that she didn't like him.


Santana threw her book against the wall, having to fight hard to resist the urge to kick her piano.

"Relax."

"Shut up." She pointed threateningly at Malek. "We've been at this for days and I still have nothing. I'm blocked or something."

"You're not blocked, you just need to get out of your head."

Santana rolled her eyes. "That's exactly what being blocked means."

"You're letting the deadline get to you-"

"Can you stop pointing out the obvious?" Santana snapped. "It's not productive."

"Look, just…let's take a break." Jade said, taking off her guitar.

"We don't have time to take a break." Santana said. "I need to get this done before I leave for Lima… In THREE DAYS."

"Hear me out." Malek said, raising a hand. "What if you-"

"Don't say it."

"You said it yourself, we don't have time."

"I'd rather write on tour. I am not missing Christmas. No way."

"Alright." Malek sighed. "Well what do you want to do because this isn't working."

"We need to speed up the process." Santana said, now calm enough to pick up her book. "Get my thoughts flowing freely."

"I know exactly what we need." Jade said, smirking.

An hour later, Santana had taken three shots of tequila and was feeling seriously buzzed.

"That should do it." Jade said. "Not plastered but loose enough to say whatever you need to say."

"Mmmh" Santana retook her seat at the piano, swaying slightly. There was already a melody playing in her head. She felt like she could almost visualize it. "I think it's working."

"Let's hear it." Jade retook her guitar.

"I love you, but I don't like you" Santana sang, trying to mimic the melody in her head. She looked down at the keys before her tracing her fingers lightly over them. "I love you, but I don't like you" She sang again, this time playing a chord. Jade immediately played the same chord on her guitar. "The simple truth is I can't do this, though I try to." She played a different chord. "I love you, but I don't like you." A third chord.

From there, Jade was able to pick up the key. They both played around with different chords as Santana repeated the lyrics over and over again, until they landed on something good.

Lyrics sprang to mind, like she was remembering a song she'd heard before, so she continued singing.

"And I can't shut you out, so I'm shutting my mouth

But I'll never despise you

I just don't like you"

Malek began playing a soft beat, which had Santana swaying even more, singing with even more confidence.

"Every single thing you say is gonna start a new war

And I'm exhausted from this tug of war of words. And when you said "I care for you" it got worse

We both know it isn't working but can't let go."

Jade switched from playing chords to strumming. Santana stopped playing the piano and stood up, grabbing the microphone from its stand. She was feeling the anger bubbling in her chest as Jade played and Malek continued to drum the slow steady pace. She could picture her grandmother standing there, saying things like "I love you but I don't love your sin."

"'Cause I love you, but I don't like you

The simple truth is I can't do this, though I try to

I love you, but I don't like you."

She sang loudly, pointing aggressively. She wished her grandmother was actually there for her to hear this. She closed her eyes and pretended she was in the room with them.

Ooh

We both refuse to lose

We both refuse to choose the higher road

Which way we go, oh oh, oh oh.

Her voice cracked but she didn't stop. She refused to stop. She refused to open her eyes. The words were flowing now and Santana couldn't stop them even if she wanted to. She'd changed the key and the melody, and Malek and Jade had stopped playing, probably thrown off by her abrupt change, but she didn't care. This could be the bridge. All she knew was that the feelings were pouring out of her and she needed to let them.

"Here we go again in the same story

We follow the routine until we say "I'm sorry"

Hands are shaking till I just look down at the floor

Face is turning red and eyes are going puffy

They ask me why we yell and I come up with nothing

My insecurities are pulling me back

But please know, oh, oh

I love you, but I don't like you

The simple truth is I can't do this, though I try to

I love you, but I don't like you

And I can't shut you out, so I'm shutting my mouth

But I'll never despise you

I just don't like you

Oh, oh, oh, oh"

Santana had been so deep in her own mind that she hadn't even noticed that Jade was playing with her again. She only realised when she went quiet and Jade was seill playing. The music slowly faded out. Then there was silence. A charged silence, like everyone wanted to talk but no one wanted to talk first. Santana was breathing heavily, her chest rising and falling like she'd just run a marathon. Her hands, which were both gripping the microphone, were shaking.

When she felt like she could speak, she turned to Jade.

"Are you okay?" Jade asked.

Santana nodded.

"Good. Cause that was bloody brilliant."

"I'd say." Malek said, standing up and walking to Santana. "You just wrote a whole song!"

"I didn't write any of it down."

"I was recording." He dismissed, waving his hand. "I mean it needs some work, but not a lot.

"I bet you we finish tonight." Jade said.

"You guys really think-"

"Santana you just wrote a whole fucking song!" He bear-hugged her, pinning her arms to her side and swinging her around. Santana felt the shock slowly leaving her body as she laughed.

"Okay. Put me down"

"Say it." He said.

"Malek."

"Say it!"

"I just wrote a whole song."

He stopped and put her down, gripping her shoulders.

"Say it like you mean it."

"Come on mate." Jade encouraged, grinning. "You just wrote a whole fucking song."

Santana smirked. "I just wrote a whole fucking song."

For the first time since coming back, Santana was actually excited about the album.


Brittany was exhausted, but she couldn't sleep. Not that she physically couldn't, in fact if she were to lay down she would probably be asleep in seconds. No, her problem was that she actually wasn't allowed to sleep. For one, she'd promised the kids they would all stay awake to watch the Grinch at one in the morning. For them doing this past midnight made it so much more exciting, and what was the point of Christmas if not to make your kids happy. So Brittany had agreed, foolishly thinking she'd be able to stay awake because of the second reason she couldn't sleep. Santana's plane was arriving soon. Past Brittany had thought it was a brilliant plan. She'd stay up with the kids, watch the Grinch at one AM and it would be done in time for her to go pick Santana from the airport.

Brittany hated her past self right now.

It would have been so much better for her to sleep and wake up at four AM. At least then her eyes wouldn't be stinging and she wouldn't be yawning every five seconds.

"I'm sleepy." Mateo attempted to crawl into Brittany's lap, but Kyler quickly pulled him off.

"No you have to stay awake."

"I am!" Mateo pulled himself free.

"What time is it?" Sophia asked. Jesús looked at his watch.

"12:15"

"No." She groaned. "Why is one o'clock so far away?"

"We could go to bed." Brittany suggested. It wasn't too late to get some rest. Sure she'd be tired with four hours of sleep, but surely be worse than this.

"NO!" All four kids yelled.

"Okay, okay." She held up her hands. "Then we need to do more than just sit here."

"Like what?" Jesús asked.

"Like…." Brittany grinned. "Like play a game."

Mateo perked up. "What game?"

"Not a board game." Jesús said.

"No, a real game. How about the silent game?"

"Mama" Sophia whined. "That's just a trick to get us to stay quiet."

"No," Brittany laughed, "the actual silent game."

"How do you play it?" Kyler asked.

"One person is it, but they're blind-folded, and they have to try catch people by trying to hear them."

"That sounds hard." Mateo said.

"It's like marco-polo." Jesús said.

"Yeah but if you just keep really quiet, no one will catch you." Sophia said. "So it's way harder for the person catching."

"I wanna play." Kyler said.

"Okay rock paper scissors, to pick who's it."

"No you're it mama." Jesús said, pointing at her.

"Why?"

"Because you know how to play the game and we don't."

"I just explained it to you."

"But we still have to do a practice round," Sophia said, "and you have to be it for that."

"No, since I already know how to play, you're the ones who have to practice being it."

"No." Sophia shook her head.

"We have to see how you do it." Jesús said.

Brittany narrowed her eyes, looking from one kid to the other.

"You guys just don't wanna be it."

"Okay." Kyler said. He walked in front of Sophia and Jesús, then turned to Mateo giving him a look Brittany was sure meant something. "We'll do it fair and square. Ready?"

"For what?" Brittany frowned.

"Not it!" They all pressed their fingers to their noses. Brittany's mouth fell open.

"You played me!'

"Fair and square mama." Kyler giggled. "You're it."

Pointing playfully at him, Brittny stood up. "Fine. But just for that I'm not going easy on you."


Sophia spotted Santana at the airport first. Without a word to Brittany, she sprinted towards her, ignoring Brittany frantically calling for her to come back.

"It's mami!" Jesús squealed, before taking off after Sophia. Kyler and Mateo followed, leaving Brittany no choice but to follow them. They had to wait for Santana to get to the bottom of the escalator, but as soon as she did, Mateo had jumped into her arms, the other three hugging her tight around the waist. Brittany rushed to get Santana's suitcase, dragging it to the side so that people getting off the escalator could pass.

"Sorry." She said to an old lady who was watching the reunion.

"No, no." She shook her head. "It's sweet. Kids should be with their mother on Christmas. She's lucky to have a friend like you."

Brittany just smiled. Lima, Ohio. It was home, but she would never consider living there. She wondered how she and Santana even managed to survive eighteen years there. It was a real miracle that they found each other in this backwards town. The people were never shy about saying what they thought, they made assumptions and then got offended when you corrected them, and they were judgmental. She knew this lady was being nice, so instead of telling her that she was in fact such a good friend to Santana that she married her, she wished her a merry Christmas and walked away.

"Britt!" Santana said happily, walking towards her. "Hi baby."

"Hey baby." Brittany pulled her into a hug. "How was your flight?"

Santana shrugged. "Uneventful."

"Which is a good thing." Brittany took her hand, her other gripping the suitcase, and began walking them out of the airport.

"Definitely." She shivered violently. "It's freaking freezing."

"Freaking freezing." Mateo said, stuffing his hands into his pockets.

Brittany and Santana smirked at each other.

"Stop repeating everything all the time like a parrot." Sophia said, lightly shoving Mateo's head.

"Hey." Mateo cried, clutching his head. "That was painful."

"No it wasn't." Jesús chuckled.

"She barely touched you." Kyler said.

"Mama did you see her push me?" Mateo asked, pouting up at her.

"Eeeh." Brittany looked at Santana, who was grinning. "I mean did she really push you?"

"See!" Sophia said victoriously.

"This is pushing." Jesús pushed him so hard he nearly fell over. Brittany caught him before he hit the floor. As soon as he recovered, he charged at Jesús, but Jesús easily dodged him, laughing.

This time Brittany noticed his pout was real.

"Come here Niki I'll give you a piggy back ride."

He smiled. "Okay."

When he was securely on her back, she fished her keys, which were the keys to her dad's car, out of her coat pocket and handed them to Santana.

Jesús took over dragging Santana's suitcase.

"You want me to drive?" Santana asked.

"No, unless you want to? I was just giving them to you so you could unlock it."

"I don't mind driving."

"When we get to the hotel, can we watch another movie?" Kyler asked.

"Aren't you tired?" Santana asked him

"Not really."

"We've been up all night!" Mateo giggled, bouncing on Brittany's back.

"Wow." Santana looked at Brittany, lowering her voice. "Want me to be bad cop?"

Brittany thought it over. As much as she wanted to go to bed, she knew that these kind of memories were the ones her kids would hold on to forever. When they were thirty they'd tell stories like, 'remember that time we stayed up all night with mums?'

So she shook her head.

"What the hell." She shrugged. "It's Christmas right?"

"Yeah what the hell!" Mateo yelled.

"Niki!" Santana and Sophia both snapped. He shrunk back against Brittany.

"Sorry."

"Can we start with transformers?" Kyler asked.

They stopped at the car, which Santana unlocked. Jesús opened the trunk.

"That's not a Christmas movie." Brittany said.

"But it's cool!"

"Why does it have to be a Christmas movie?" Mateo asked.

"Cause it's Christmas." Santana told him, booping his nose. He giggled.

"If we watch transformers can we watch Blended after?"

"NO!" Kyler and Jesús yelled.

"We watch it too many times." Jesús said, shaking his head.

"Fine." Sophia crossed her arms over her chest. "Then I don't want to watch transformers."

"Honey." Santana chuckled, twirling her finger in Sophia's hair. "Don't be like that. You can pick another movie that we haven't seen so many times."

Sophia screwed up her mouth in thought, then slowly, her lips spread in a devilish grin.

"Fine." She said again, this time triumphantly.

"No." Kyler immediately said.

"I want to watch Annie."

"Noooo" Kyler moaned.

"That's fair, right mami?" She turned to Santana.

"Yeah." Santana nodded. "That's a great choice. I love Annie."

Sophia smirked wider, before opening the backseat door and climbing in.

Mateo jumped down from Brittany's back and followed Sophia into the car.

"Mami…"

"She's not going to like transformers Ky, it's only fair to let her pick the next one."

"I don't mind Annie." Jesús said, climbing in after Sophia. "It has good songs."

"See. Come on you'll be okay." She patted his shoulder. "Get in."

Sulking, Kyler got in next.

"None of it really matters anyway." Brittany said quietly, helping Santana lift the suitcase into the trunk.

"Why's that?"

"They're all going to be asleep ten minutes into Transformers."


They didn't do much for the twenty-second. As Brittany had predicted everyone, including her and Santana, were asleep less than thirty minutes into the movie. They woke up past noon, ordered lunch to the room and finished both transformers and Annie. After that, they went down to the pool, but didn't spend a lot of time there, since the kids were still feeling sluggish. They went back to the room after an hour and built a gingerbread house, which they got half-way through decorating before collectively deciding to take a nap. Even Jesús napped.

Then they had dinner at Quinn's with Theo and her mother, and everyone was in bed by eleven.

The twenty-third was a much more eventful day. They woke up early and went to have breakfast at Brittany's house with her parents and Ashley, then took the kids sledding. Santana had truly forgotten how much fun sledding was. She always only remembered being freezing and her clothes being wet from the snow that melted on them, but as she and Jesús barreled down the hill, both their hands in the air and Jesús' laugh carrying in the wind, she couldn't be bothered by the cold. The toppled over at the bottom, sending them both into a pile of snow, and when she emerged with her hat askew she was laughing so hard her stomach hurt. She pulled Jesús out, helping him shake the snow out of his hat, which had fallen off in the crash, and watched Sophia come down with Ashley. They cheered her on as Sophia's screams turned from terrified to 'I'm having fun', and when they got to the bottom she and Jesús sprinted back up the hill.

They spent a good hour and a half there. Eventually the adults, except Brittany, got tired of it, so they sat at the bottom with the flasks of cocoa, Susan had packed for them all, and watched the kids and Brittany continue to slide down the hill.

Some of Santana's cousins showed up with their kids, thanks to Brittany suggesting she call to invite them. So there were now thirteen kids altogether. At that point, Brittany bowed out and came to join the adults.

"Santanita ¿Cómo has estado?" Miguel asked jovially, pulling Santana up and into a hug. She hugged him back, smiling. She hadn't seen him since Lily and Abigail, his twin daughters birthday last year. She'd missed him.

"Good. Yeah I can't complain. How about you?"

"Busy with work, and taking care of ma after her surgery."

"Oh yeah." Santana frowned. "Is she doing okay?"

"Yeah she's fine. Honestly I think she's milking it for the attention.

Santana laughed. "I wouldn't put it past her."

He leaned down, cupping his mouth. "She's also driving Nicole loca."

"Hey." Nicole, Miguel's wife, slapped his arm. "Don't spread rumors about me."

"Rumors honey?"

"Miguel!"

"Ai bueno." He turned to Brittany. "Brittany!" He hugged Brittany.

"Hi Miguel." Then Brittany hugged Nicole. "Hi Nicole."

"Miguel you know my in-laws-"

"In-laws?!" Pierce gasped.

"Yeah way cold Santana. Now we're just in-laws?" Ashley teased. "Did we piss you off or something?"

Santana rolled her eyes.

"Alright, you know my other family." She amended. "Susan and Pierce, Brittany's parents-"

"Just Brittany's parent-"

"Shut it." Santana pointed at Ashley, who laughed.

"Yes we've met at the birthday parties." Susan said, standing up and shaking Miguel and Nicole's hands. "Nice to see you again."

"Likewise." Miguel said.

"Would you like some hot chocolate?" Susan offered them.

"Oh yes please." Miguel happily took the cup being offered.

It was a great day, that Santana didn't think she could have planned. The Pierces got along well with her cousins, and Ashley was very popular with Santana's teenage niece Angie. When sledding got boring, the kids had a snowball fight, splitting into two teams, then when that got boring, they made a snow family, complete with a set of grandparents and a baby. Adrienne and Mateo, the youngest of the group and who were only five months apart, were the first to collapse, Mateo falling asleep in Brittany's arms and Adriene in Nicole's. After that, all the kids began complaining of either being very hungry or very cold.

"We would love to have you all for lunch." Susan said, as everyone began to pack up.

"Susan you don't have to do that." Santana said.

"Of course I don't. I want to Santana."

"Yeah let her feed us Santana." Her cousin Carmen said.

Santana still wasn't sure. She felt like it was taking advantage of Susan's niceness. Like it was in her nature to offer to take care of people, but that didn't mean they had to say yes.

"I would just like us to really get to know each other." Susan said. "We are family after all."

Santana sighed. "Alright. But you Lopezes better behave yourselves!" She pointed at her cousin Eric. He grinned at her.

"We always do."

"You can follow us." Pierce said, standing up.


Lunch turned into a four o'clock snack and then happy hour with Pierce running out to buy the alcohol and Ashley offering to mix drinks. Santana was both pleased and upset that Ashley knew how to make a frozen margarita.

The day felt almost unreal. By the time she was packing all her exhausted kids into the car she couldn't wipe the smile off her face for anything. It was a new feeling, having her cousins experience the Pierces properly. It made her feel closer to them somehow, like their families were finally blending together. Becoming one. And she only thought about what it would have been like if her cousins were in her life after she came out. How it could have been a little like this. She only thought about it once.

"Susan." Santana said, looking at Susan tenderly and shaking her head.

"Santana." Susan cupped her cheeks and kissed her forehead. "Thank you."

"Thank me?" Santana scoffed, pulling back. "Thank you!"

"No…All I did was cook."

"You opened your home to us."

"You shared your family with us. You let us fill our home with even more children and laughter and love. Pierce and I are not very close with out own families. We don't have any siblings…we don't have this big family. So getting the chance to be a part of yours-"

"Oh." Santana pulled Susan into a hug. "Susan, you shared your family with me first. When I didn't have one, you shared yours with me." She felt Susan nod and squeezed her. "I love you."

Susan sniffed, pulling back and wiping under her eyes. "I love you too Santana."

"There's a family lunch…late lunch thing tomorrow at my parent's. If you're willing, I would love it if you came. Everyone will be there."

"Oh I don't know." Susan gripped the hem of her shirt. "That's a family-"

"You are my family." Santana interrupted. "Come on you can experience the Lopezes in full swing. Finally find out why I'm so-"

"You better say amazing."

Santana grinned. "Will you come?"

"If you want us there of course."

"Great! Then I'll see you there." Santana hugged her again.


Santana would forever be grateful that she arrived at her parents' house early on the 24th. She hadn't needed to, in fact her mother had told her to be there at one in the afternoon, but when she'd woken up a little past seven, she'd felt like she should just get ready and go. They didn't have any other plans for the day, except baking cookies for Santa, which they would do in the evening, so she'd woken up, ordered breakfast and taken a shower. She was halfway through picking her outfit when Brittany woke up, and by ten everyone was up, had eaten and was ready to leave. They were at her parents' house by ten thirty.

Her father met them at the door wearing a green Christmas sweater with a candy cane in the center and still in his pajama pants. Santana would never get used to how corny her dad had become. He has really shed that distinguished, respectable surgeon persona she had known all her life, for this goofy, warm, cheerful one, and it shocked her every time. She loved it though, especially for her kids.

"Your abuela is in the kitchen, she'll be so happy to see you." He stepped aside as the kids ran into the housing calling for Maribel.

"Are those my nietos I hear calling me?" They heard from inside the house.

Santana watched them with a smile.

"Come here nena." Her father said, opening is arms. Santana fell into them, hugging him tight.

"Hi Papi."

"Mateo tells me to say Merry Christmas Eve."

"Yeah that's all Brittany."

She pulled back and looked at Brittany. Brittany smiled sweetly and shrugged.

"It's Christmas Eve and it's Merry…"

"It is indeed." Stephen said, ushering them into the house. "You're here early."

"Yup. We had no other plans so I figured why not?"

"I'm glad. Will you be helping your mother in the kitchen?"

"Uuuh" Santana cringed. "I hadn't thought about that."

"She can put the kids to work." Brittany said. "They can start learning her recipes."

"Yes I like that plan." Santana said happily, taking off her coat. "And we can have a drink."

"It's still morning Santanita."

"It's Christmas papi." She removed her shoes and pushed them to the corner of the rack. "We have to toast to Jesús or something."

Laughing, Brittany took Santana's hand, lacing their fingers together. "We can have mimosas."

"Si." Stephen led the way into living room. "You know how to make them Brittany?"

"Sure." Brittany shrugged. "How hard can it be?"


Everyone began arriving from twelve. First Santana aunt's Paola and Sylvia, who kissed them all quickly on the cheek, barely saying hi, before going to join her mother in the kitchen. The kids came out barely five minutes later saying abuela had told them they'd helped enough. Then her uncle Bruno arrived, with his trophy wife and two step kids, Alroy and Angie who were thirteen and sixteen. The first thing Angie said to them was,

"Is your sister coming Brittany?"

To which Brittany said,

"Yes, she's coming with my parents."

And with a nod of approval, Angie went upstairs.

Santana's cousin Eric arrived next, with his mother, wife and two kids who were nine and twelve. At that point all the kids went outside to play in the backyard, and Stephen agreed to start serving real drinks.

They all sat in the living room, with a movie playing in the background, chips and dips, empanadas and Pinchos Gilda on the coffee table.

"What is that?" Brittany asked.

"Pinchos." Uncle Bruno said, picking one and handing it to Brittany. It was a toothpick, with an olive, a rolled anchovy filet, a pepper, and another olive skewered onto it. "Taste it."

Brittany looked hesitantly at Santana, taking the toothpick from Bruno.

"Do I put it all into my mouth?"

"Yeah." Santana nodded. "It's a little spicy."

Brittany looked nervous, so Santana reached out to take the snack from her.

"You don't have to if you don't want to babe."

"Callate Santana." Her aunt Kamyla snapped. "Brittany's Puerto Rican too, she should eat Spanish food."

Pressing her lips together, Santana turned to Brittany. With everyone watching, Brittany put the toothpick in her mouth, closing her lips around it, and pulled. It came out clean. She chewed slowly, her face giving nothing away. That told Santana all she needed to know.

"How is it?" Eric asked.

Brittany swallowed, licking her lips.

"It's good." She smiled, picking her drink. "You were right about the spicy." She told Santana.

Santana bit her lip, trying not to smile. She was pretty sure Brittany hated it.

They chatted for hours, about everything from work, to whatever movie was on screen, to the loves of the actors. When the Pierces arrived, Santana had been worried it would feel awkward, but her family was more than welcoming. Her father took Pierce under his wing, sitting beside him and making sure he was included in the conversation, though it wasn't necessary. Pierce was very social and handled himself well. Susan made her way straight to the kitchen.

Santana had followed her in, to make sure her mother didn't kick her out, because she knew Susan would feel more comfortable in the kitchen than in the living room. She promptly received a slap to the head.

"Hey!" She raised her arms to shield her head from the attack. Her mother and Tia Sylvia were slapping her repeatedly on both sides.

"Santana shame on you!" Sylvia said, moving from trying to slap her head to slapping her arms.

"What did I do?"

"You come to your mother's house and don't even say hi to her?" She picked a cloth and slapped Santana's back with it.

"OUCH!" Santana yelled, spinning around and grabbing the cloth. She tried to pull it out of her aunt's hands but she was holding too tight. Another slap to the head. "Stop hitting me, STOP HITTING ME!"

She escaped them, ducking behind Susan. Both women were glaring at her. Her aunt Paola laughing at the stove as she stirred a pot.

"Save me."

"What did you do?" Susan asked.

"Haven't had the chance to say hi yet."

"Oh I can't help you Santana." Susan said, stepping aside.

"What?"

"How can you not say hello to your mother?"

"I…" Santana looked around the room, trying to think of an excuse. Truthfully she hadn't even realised she hadn't said hi to her mother. "I forgot."

"Shame on you." Tia Sylvia said again.

"Sorry okay?" She walked to her mother and pulled her into a hug. "Lo siento mami."

"Good girl." Maribel patted her back. "How are you?"

"Fantastic." Santana grinned.

"Good." She pulled back. "Susan I know you cook."

"Yes" Susan said happily.

"Good we can put you to work." Paola said.

Susan began rolling up her sleeved. "Just tell me what to do."

Santana moved to the counter and picked some of the cut up Fuet, which is dry-cured Spanish sausage. She'd just taken a bite when she heard something that made her blood run cold.

"Bisabuela!"

She didn't know who'd shouted, just that it wasn't any of her kids. Her eyes snapped to her mother, suspicions confirmed by the wide look in her mother's eyes. All she could do was stand there, frozen, as her father's voice carried into the kitchen, clearly angry.

"Mama what are you doing here?"

"I heard there was a family lunch Stephen. And you don't even invite your mother?"

Santana felt weak. She gripped the counter, afraid she might fall to the ground. Her grandmother was there. Right outside the door. She was hearing her voice for the first time in years. She sounded old. Tired. No longer as formidable as Santana remembered. Or was that just because Santana didn't idolize her anymore?

"I will go check." Sylvia said, wiping her hands on a cloth. She glanced quickly at Santana before rushing out.

"Santana what's wrong?" Susan asked, moving to Santana and placing her hand on her back.

Santana tried to speak, but couldn't.

"Mama this isn't appropriate."

"Don't tell me about appropriate. You think it is appropriate to ignore your mother's calls? To cut her out of the family."

Santana felt herself scoff.

"Santana sit down." Her mother said, pulling out a chair. Santana didn't move.

"Mama this is Stephen's house." Santana recognised her aunt Kamyla's voice. "He is allowed to have whoever he wants in his house, it's not disrespectful to you."

"And he's protecting Santana." Eric said. "She shouldn't have to see you."

"Don't talk to your abuela like that Eric!"

"My kids." Santana's voice cracked as she looked towards the door. "I need to go find my kids."

"Why, what's wrong?" Susan asked again.

"I will go." Maribel said, but she'd barely reached the door when it opened suddenly. Brittany came in, looking panicked. She relaxed when she saw Santana.

"I've been looking for you."

"Brittany what's going on?" Susan asked.

Brittany glanced at Santana. "Um…Santana's grandmother is…here."

"How dare she come here." Maribel muttered, shaking her head.

"Well where is she then?" Her abuela's voice rose over all the others. "Where is she?"

"Abuela please, it's Christmas. Don't do this." Eric again.

"I will smack you with this bag Eric. Santana!"

Santana felt a chill run down her spine. Her heart began to pound in her chest. Was her grandmother going to search the whole house for her? Was she going to keep calling her until she came out?

"The kids-"

"Upstairs." Brittany said, taking Santana's hand. "They're all upstairs with Ashley."

"Okay." Santana swallowed, looking at the door as her grandmother called her again.

"You're not going out there." Susan said, shaking her head firmly. "She will leave."

"MAMA stop it!" Stephen bellowed. "Stop it por favour. Haven't you done enough to her?"

"I call her, and I call her, and she doesn't answer. You tell me it's because she is busy with work. Now she is here, and I am here, and she still won't answer. Is she busy now too?"

"She doesn't want to see you!"

Santana heard the slap all the way from the kitchen. It made her jump. Made her grip Brittany's hand tighter.

"Okay we have to leave." Brittany said, turning to Maribel. "Santana shouldn't be listening to this. Either she leaves now or we leave."

Maribel nodded, swiftly walking out.

"It's okay Santana." Brittany pulled her closer. "It's okay."

"Aha! The mother!"

"Leave Alma."

"Don't talk to me-"

"You cannot come into my house, barge into my house, after the disrespect you have shown my family, my daughter, disrupt my party, upset my guests, and then tell me how to talk to you. I won't tell you again. Leave."

Santana felt herself move without even realizing she had decided to. She let go of Brittany's hand and strode purposefully through the kitchen door.

Her grandmother was standing in the doorway, partially blocked by her father and mother, but Santana could see her furious glare.

"I need to talk to her-"

"I don't want to talk to you." Santana spoke up. It was a wonder her voice came out so strong. She felt Brittany and Susan standing behind her, and saw her grandmother's gaze flick to them, before she was pushing past Maribel and Stephen, coming to stop in front of Santana.

"It's good to see you Santana."

"Did you hear what I said?" Santana asked, frowning. "I don't want to talk to you."

Alma sighed. "Yes…well I want to talk to you."

"What you want doesn't matter."

"I need to tell you something."

"What? Are you dying?" She saw her father and aunt's flinch, but she didn't care. She was too angry. "Is that why you're suddenly so determined to make up?" Her abuela shook her head, but Santana didn't let her speak. "Well you can forget about it. I'm not going to help you die with a clean conscience. I'm not going to give you my forgiveness. You and your guilt can go to hell!"

Brittany's hand pressed against the base of her back. Santana knew Brittany was trying to ground her. Trying to keep her from spiraling in anger. Trying to stop her from saying something she'd regret. Santana took a breath.

"We are all dying." Alma said sadly. "But that is not why I am here, or why I have been calling."

"What then?!" Santana practically yelled. She hated the sad look in her grandmother's eyes, and the sympathetic looks on her family's faces. Most of all she hated how she was already starting to feel bad for how she was talking to her abuela.

"I want to invite you to church."

Santana was so taken back that she took a step back.

"Wha-what?"

"You always used to come with me to the Christmas service, and I know you probably have plans with you family." She looked at Brittany. Santana was shocked to see no anger or disgust in her eyes. Just sadness. "So I will not ask you to come for lunch. But I hope you will join me in the morning for the service."

Santana was speechless. Utterly and completely speechless. She just stared at her grandmother, unable to even process her request, or the sincerity with which it had been asked.

Finally, Stephen walked forward, gently grabbing his mouther's shoulder.

"Mama, enough. Please give her peace."

"Si." Alma nodded, glancing at him. "I hope you will come." She said one more time, before turning and walking out.

Before everyone's gaze could shift to her, Santana stormed upstairs.


She felt like a teenager, crying into her pillow like she was, but Santana couldn't stop. She couldn't believe that her grandmother had just showed up like that. That she'd talked to her grandmother for the first time in years, seen her for the first time in years, and gotten the olive branch she'd been begging for since she was eighteen. From the look in her eyes, Santana could almost believe that her abuela had changed. That after all this time she'd finally accepted her and Brittany.

But she couldn't have, and if she had, it was too late.

Santana hated her.

"Babe." Brittany gently rubbed her back. "Do you want to leave?"

Santana shook her head.

"We can."

"I'm not hiding."

"Nobody thinks you're hiding, but your mother understands that the day is just kind of ruined now."

"I shouldn't let her ruin my days anymore. She's not important enough."

Brittany didn't say anything, and Santana hated it. The meaning of her silence was loud and clear. As hard as Santana wanted to pretend her grandmother wasn't important, she still was. Otherwise she wouldn't be crying right now. She wouldn't have been paralyzed in the kitchen just by the sound of her voice.

"I'm not going."

"Okay." Brittany said sweetly. "We can stay. Whatever you want."

"No I mean." Santana sniffed and sat up. "To the service. I'm not going to church with her."

Brittany stared into her eyes, seemingly searching for something. After a moment, she nodded, reaching out to tuck a strand of Santana's hair behind her ear. "Whatever you want baby."

She wouldn't go. She wouldn't give her abuela the chance to break her again. Every time she gave her a chance, every time she believed in her, or hoped for the chance to have her back, she'd let Santana down. Never again. Santana had promised herself never again. Just because she looked so old and frail, and seemed genuinely sad, didn't mean Santana owed her anything.

She had to put herself first for once.


A/N: The song Santana's 'writes' in the studio is 'I don't like you' by Grace VanderWaal. I took some creative liberties with the lyrics, so it fits the situation, but it's a really nice song, so if you don't know it, go have a listen.

Just a reminder, the dialogue in bold is Spanish.

Hope you liked the chapter!